Welcome to my humble 'random and odd quote' home. Read, ponder, think, and/or become a wiser (or dumber...) person.
"I believe in the sun...even when it is not shining. I believe in hope...even when I have none. I believe in love...even when it is taken from me. I believe in God... even though I cannot see his face." -- written by an 11-year-old girl on a wall in the Warsaw Ghetto
"Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge where there is no river." -- Nikita Khrushchev
"I bet even the Pope has [embarrassed himself before]. If you were to say to the Pope, "Your Holy Worshipfulness, I bet you've pulled some blockheaded boners in your day, huh?", he'd smile that warm, knowing, fatherly smile he has, then he'd wave. He can't hear a word you're saying, up on that balcony." -- Dave Barry
"Leave my nose out of this. When you finally get kicked out and find your arse on the street, my nose could be the only place you've got to live." -- Will Athanasakis
"Love and stoplights can be cruel." - Sesame Street
"If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then give up. No use being a damned fool about it." -- W.C. Fields
"Popcorn is a good analogy for show business. Every time you make popcorn, there are always those fluffy, white, happy popped pieces that are fun to eat and look at and everybody likes them. But there are also always those burnt, hard kernels at the bottom that don't pop. You know why they don't pop? They don't pop because they have integrity." -- Marc Maron
"Avril Lavigne said that - 'I'm getting more and more famouser by the day.' Who would have thought that someone who spells skater with an eight would have such a good grasp of the English language?" -- Wil Anderson
"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us." --Herman Hesse
"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -- Jack Nicholson
"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh." --Voltaire
"Friends are God's apology for relations." - Hugh Kingsmill
"Paradise is always where love dwells." -- Jean Paul F. Richter
"To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition." -- Woody Allen
"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself." -- Sir Richard Francis Burton
"When I was born I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half." -- Gracie Allen
"Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped." -- Sam Levenson
"Poverty- one thing money can't buy." -- Lynwood L. Giacamini
"Cheese- milk's leap towards immortality." -- Clifton Fadiman
"Christianity is the weird one though, eternal damnation to who ever question god's eternal love... Thank you lord for giving us all those options..." -- Bill Hicks
"The most wasted of all days is one without laughter." -- E. E. Cummings
"Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer." -- Ed Cunningham
"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." -- Ralph Waldo Emerson
"As I ran for president, I hoped that one child would come out of the ghetto like I did, could look at me walk across the stage with governors and senators and know they didn't have to be a drug dealer, they didn't have to be a hoodlum, they didn't have to be a gangster. They could stand up from a broken home, on welfare, and they could run for president of the United States.'' -- Al Sharpton
"I gotta keep my priorities straight--even if I'm not..." -- Me
"I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is; I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat." -- Rebecca West
Cher, from Clueless: "Sometimes you have to show a little skin. This reminds guys of being naked and then they think of sex."
"The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off." -- Gloria Steinem
"You were born an original. Don’t die a copy." -- John Mason
"Illegitimis non carborundum (Don’t let the bastards grind you down.)" -- General Joesph Stillwell
"A laugh can be a very powerful thing; why, sometimes in life, it is the only weapon we have." -- Roger Rabbit, "Roger Rabbit"
A League of Their Own, Announcer: "Well, bite my butt and call me an apple."
"Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It's not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything." -- Muhammad Ali
"Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours." -- Swedish Proverb
"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses." -- Daphne Fielding, The Duchess of Jermyn Street
"If homosexuality is a disease, let's all call in queer to work: 'Hello. Can't work today, still queer.' " -- Robin Tyler
"What is straight? A line can be straight, or a street, but the human heart, oh, no, it's curved like a road through mountains." -- Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire, 1947
"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals. It's just that they need more supervision." -- Lynn Lavner
"What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy." -- Dennis Miller
"The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt." -- Dennis Miller
"Jesse Helms and Newt Gingrich were shaking hands congratulating themselves on the introduction of an antigay bill in Congress. If it passes, they won't be able to shake hands, because it will then be illegal for a prick to touch an asshole." -- Judy Carter
"If male homosexuals are called "gay," then female homosexuals should be called "ecstatic." " -- Shelly Roberts
"I think I've always been bisexual. I mean, it's something that I've always been interested in. I think everybody kind of fantasizes about the same sex. I think people are born bisexual, and it's just that our parents and society kind of veer us off into this feeling of 'Oh, I can't'. They say it's taboo. It's ingrained in our heads that it's bad, when it's not bad at all. It's a very beautiful thing." — Billie Joe Armstrong, The Advocate - January 24, 1995
"I slept with a woman on the ship, and afterwards I was thinking, 'Am I gaaaay? Am I straaaaight?' And then I realised - I'm just slutty. Where's my parade? What about slut-pride?" -- Margaret Cho, taken from the movie I'm the One that I Want
"When people say, 'You're breaking my heart', they do in fact mean that you're breaking their genitals." -- Jeffrey Bernard
"But I never saw Asian people on television or in movies, so my dreams were somewhat limited. I would dream... maybe some day, I could be an extra on M.A.S.H.... maybe some day, I could play Arnold's girlfriend on Happy Days... maybe I could play a hooker in something - 'Suckky-Fuckky-Two-Dollar'... me-lub-you-long-timmmmmmmmmmme?!?!?!" -- Margaret Cho - taken from the movie Notorious C.H.O..
"Soldiers who are not afraid of guns, bombs, capture, torture or death say they are afraid of homosexuals. Clearly we should not be used as soldiers; we should be used as weapons." -- Letter to the editor, The Advocate
"I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but by how high he bounces when he hits bottom." - General George Patton
"We cannot really love anybody with whom we never laugh" - Agnes Repplier
"I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called, 'They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.'" - Steven Wright
"I am loyal in relationships. Any relationship. When I go out with my mom I don't look at other moms and say, 'Oooh, I wonder what her macaroni and cheese tastes like!'" - Gary Shandling
"In New York, fuck isn't even a word. It's a comma." - Lewis Black
"A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized." -- Fred Allen
Legolas (Lord of The Ring: The Two Towers): "Aragorn, nedin dagor hen ú-'erir ortheri. Natha daged dhaer! / 'They cannot win this fight. They are all going to die!"
"In Russia, if a male athelete loses he becomes a female athelete." -- Yakov Smirnoff
"In Russia we only had two TV channels. Channel One was propaganda. Channel Two consisted of a KGB officer telling you: Turn back at once to Channel One." -- Yakov Smirnoff
"Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there." -- Yakov Smirnoff
"In America you can always find a party. In Russia the party always finds you." -- Yakov Smirnoff
"Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men. There is a three year waiting list." -- Yakov Smirnoff
"When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, 'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't believe?" -- Quentin Crisp
"We all enter this world naked; screaming; and soaked in blood, but if you play your cards right... that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there." -- Dana Gould
"There is eloquence in screaming." – Patrick Jones
"Nothing is wrong with Southern California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn't cure." -- Ross MacDonald
"I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example." -- Mick Miller
"I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix." -- Dan Quayle
"New Zealand is a country of thirty thousand million sheep, three million of whom think they are human." -- Barry Humphries
"If it was raining soup, the Irish would go out with forks." -- Brendan Behan
"Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift" ... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git." -- Alexai Sayle
"At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I'm not there I carry on as usual." -- Patrick Moore
"I understand the importance of bondage between parent and child." -- Dan Quayle
"It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother." -- Charles Pierce
"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark." -- Dick Gregory
“Shoplifters will be beaten, stabbed, and stomped. Survivors will be prosecuted.”
"Theatres didn't mind the all night lines for Star Wars Episode One, so then why did some store managers get taken back with the idea of video gamers lined up? I can only assume the media is to blame, having painted video gamers as borderline psychopaths just waiting to snap and kill the person next to them on a daily basis, which is just a nasty lie, I haven't killed anyone in weeks. Sure you can say it's policy or for insurance reasons, but well.. that just isn't as funny." -- Piro, MegaTokyo.com
"I am God, nothing can hurt me." -- Derek
"I'm so cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month! I'm so hip I have trouble seeing over my pelvis!" -- Zaphod Beeblebrox, Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"In the brave new world of the year 2000, a kiss can still break your heart." -- Program from Cirque du Soleil's Alegria
"Make them laugh. They'll have a hard time shooting you." -- Program from Cirque du Soleil's Alegria
"This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country." -- Clint Eastwood
"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months." -- Oscar Wilde
"Either this wallpaper goes, or I do!" -- Oscar Wilde on his deathbed
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt." -- Bertrand Russell
"The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
"Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect. Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect. Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited. Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers."
David, Lost Boys: "What, you don't like rice? Tell me Michael, how could a billion Chinese people be wrong?"
Grandpa: “Do you know the rule about filling up the car with gas when you take it without asking?”
Michael Emerson: “No, Grandpa.”
Grandpa: “Well, now you do.”
Lost Boys
Merkin, Never Been Kissed: “I'm just a little tense. This whole office is not Feng Shui. All the desks are facing evil.”
P.E. Teacher: “Now you are gonna complete these sprints, because if you don't, you fail. And if you fail gym, you'll never get into college."
Josie Geller: “You guys are still telling that lie?”
Never Been Kissed
Josie Geller: "That'll teach me to wear white jeans after labor day."
Gibby Zerefski: “I don't think you're supposed to wear white jeans after 1983.”
Never Been Kissed
"How do you know that my dimwitted inexperience isn't merely a subtle form of manipulation, used to lower people's expectations, thereby enhancing my ability to effectively manuever within any given situation?" -- Dewey, Scream 2
"Today in Social Studies we learned how they kidnapped the Lindbergh baby right out of his house. I think I'll sleep with the window open tonight." -- Vada, My Girl
"A pound of cocaine, sweet pad, and a high fly stereo. That's the American dream, Nigga." -- Superfly
"Screw the dolphins." -- Laney
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally." -- WC Fields
"Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness or have gone stark raving mad." -- Norm Papernick
"And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on Me. And let there be lawyers. so people don't blame everything on Satan.'" -- John Wing
"Let the child do nothing on anybody's word. Nothing is good for him unless he feels it to be so. In always pushing him ahead of his understanding you believe you are using foresight, and you lack it. To arm him with some vain instruments which he will perhaps never use, you take away from him man's most universal instrument, which is good sense. You accustom him to let himself always be led, never to be anything but a machine in others' hands. You want him to be docile when little: that is to want him to be credulous and a dupe when he is grown up." -- Jean Jacques-Rousseau, page 178, Emile.
"The tattoo is the mark of the soul. It can act as a window, through which we can see inside, or it can be a sheild to protect us from those who can not see past the surface." - David Bollt
"I have little compassion for people in trailer parks who refuse to move after getting tornado warnings. How hard is it for them to relocate? Their house have wheels." -- Carlos Mencia
"Like my father, I, too, was born in Central America -- Nebraska." -- Carlos Mencia
"I'm not a real Mexican because I don't have time to complain." -- Carlos Mencia
"In Texas, if your name is Carlos, you're a Mexican. In Florida, you're a Cuban. In New York, you're a Puerto Rican. And I come here and find out I'm an Eskimo." -- Carlos Mencia in Canada.
"They had things on the Brady Bunch that I never saw in my house. Breakfast, for example." -- Rich Jeni
"I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache." -- Jack Mayberry
"I'm the second-most-famous person from Timmins, Ontario. -- after Shania Twain. That's like being the second-most-famous person from Bethlehem. No one cares about Duncan of Bethlehem." -- Derek Edwards
“The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them.” -- William Clayton
"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a PARTY!" -- Ron "Tater Salad" White, Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again
"I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot." -- Kevin James
"It infuriates me to be wrong when I know I'm right." -- Moliere
Reporter from Scary Movie: "This is black entertainment news. White folk dyin' - we getting the fuck outta here."
"Maybe this world is another planet's hell." -- Aldous Huxley
"You read it on paper and you sound like a schmuck. 'OK, a girl dumped you, big deal.' And it's like, you can't explain that this was your soulmate and that this person will never ever speak to you again, or you'll never see her again, and that you'll never touch her again, you'll never touch her hair again, nothing. That she's gone forever and will never be back. It's so hard to make someone understand how important that is. That this is the person you were supposed to be with everyday and every night until you died and you will never ever hear their voice again. It's so hard to make someone understand the importance of that. It doesn't translate well into words" -- Christopher Hall
"In Montreal you don't learn to skate; you're just born that way" - Martin Brodeur
"Why is a puck called a puck? Because dirty little bastard was taken." -Martin Brodeur
"Yeah, I'm cocky and I am arrogant. But that doesn't mean I'm not a nice person." - Jeremy Roenick
"He should be worried about playing the game, not innovating it. He thinks he's Brett Hull or something. You should remind him that he didn't go to college. He's a junior (hockey) guy. So he's not that bright." -- Garth Snow, Islanders’ goalie and University of Maine graduate, after hearing Jeremy Roenick’s complaints about the officiating in a Flyers-Islanders game.
"This is the most excited you can be as a hockey player. As much as you hate a team like Colorado, you love to play 'em. The juices will be boiling, and the blood will be flowing. Let's clarify that; flowing through your body. Not on the ice." -- Kris Draper
"It's like going from heaven to hell." -- Jaromir Jagr, taking about going back to Pittsburgh after spending 2 months in the Czech Republic
"I think I'm old enough to have short hair now. No more of that girl stuff." -- Jaromir Jagr, after getting a short haircut for the first time in 12 years
Recalling the game at the MCI Center in Washington where the referee was unable to talk to the video judge upstairs because the phone was out of order, the Leafs goalie points out: "I just told him to drop the ?%^& puck. I didn’t suggest his mother had swum after troop ships or anything." -- Mark Messier
"I can’t hear what Jeremy says because my ears are blocked with my 2 Stanley Cup rings." --Patrick Roy
"Maybe there wasn't much hot water in the showers. I'm not sure." -- Scott Stevens commenting that Jaromir Jagr left the ice with 30 seconds remaining in a game.
Brad Park: "We get nose jobs all the time in the NHL, and we don't even have to go to the hospital."
Mike Modano, on Sergei Fedorov’s breaking three sticks on Dallas players: "I don’t know if Anna (Kournikova) told him to get tougher or what."
Craig Kilborn on Anna Kournikova's 18th birthday: "Or as hockey player Sergei Fedorov knows it, 'The day I can legally start telling everyone I am sleeping with Anna Kournikova.'"
Glenn Healy, on his IHL time: "One road trip we were stuck on the runway for seven hours. The plane kept driving and driving until we arrived at the rink and I realized we were on a bus."
New York Islander General Manager Don Maloney: "I know I'm not very popular on Long Island. I don't know who's less popular, me or Joey Buttafuoco."
Bobby Hull: "I was a multi-millionaire from playing hockey. Then I got divorced, and now I am a millionaire."
Nick Kypreos a after fight filled game: "Guess what, Magnus, this is the NHL! It's not Sweden! Fighting's allowed, so stop running away and defend yourself."
Alexander Mogilny when asked about visors: "Sometimes I wear them sometimes I don't. I'm not wearing any underwear now, no reason!"
"Why? Our goaltender is as good as any goaltender in the league other than Martin Brodeur. I don't know where you guys get this goaltender crap. We've got one great goaltender in the NHL and his name is Martin Brodeur. The rest of them are good. You think New Jersey's going to trade Martin Brodeur? I don't think so." –Flyers GM Bob Clarke sparring with reporters on whether his team needs goaltending help.
"Montreal played just good enough to beat us. They didn't play great, neither did we. I don't think it was their best game but they played well enough to beat us, so I don't know what that says about them or what that says about us." -- Bobby Holik, Januray 10, 2003, after the Rangers lost to the Canadiens 2-3.
"I remember what Ron Greschner said when he retired. 'The thing I'm going to miss most is showering with 23 guys.' And that's what it's all about: camaraderie." –Rangers' goalie Mike Richter, about six months before announcing his retirement.
"A man may fall many times in his life, but he is not a failure until he refuses to get up" -- Evil Kenivel
"Not only is life a bitch, it has puppies." -- Adrienne Gusoff
"Friends come, and friends go, but enemies accumulate." -- Illuminati
"We never really grow up we just learn how to act in public..." -- Bryan White
"If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me instead." -- Bobcat Goldthwait
"A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one." - Mae West
"I was walking down the street when this man hammering on his roof called me a paranoid little freak... In morse code." -- Emo Phillips
"Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps." -- Emo Philips
"We can't all be heroes, because someone has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by." -- Will Rogers
Tony Montana, Scarface: "All I have in this world is balls and my word and I don't break 'em for no one. You understand?"
"Never hate your enemies, it affects your judgement." -- The Godfather
"Leave the gun. Take the Canollis." -- The Godfather
"If anything in this life is certain; if history has taught us anything, it's that you can kill anyone." -- Michael Corleone, The Godfather
"Every man dies. Not every man really lives." -- Braveheart
"Aye. Fight and you may die. Run, and you'll live. At least awhile... And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance -- just one chance -- to come back here and tell our enemies that they make take our lives, but they'll never take our freedom!!" -- William Wallace, "Braveheart"
A man being admitted into a mental institution: "They called me mad. I called them mad. And damn them they outvoted me."
"Research shows that nine out of ten men who try Camel... prefer women." -- Unknown
"Life is a sexually transmitted disease and the mortality rate is one hundred percent." Unknown
"A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend will be sitting next to you saying "That was F#%&king awesome!"" -- Unknown
"A nuclear war can ruin your whole day." -- Unknown
"If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started." -- Unknown
"A rebel with a cause is a hero; a rebel without one is stupid." -- Unknown
"All stressed out and no one to choke." -- Unknown
"Pay no attention to my British accent, I am an American citzen." -- Unknown
"I live in another dimension, but have a summer home in reality." -- Unknown
"This is aboot dignity..this is aboot respect.." -- Unknown Canadian...
"Some are convinced the only way to lessen their pain is to pass it on to others." -- Unknown
"Conformity is suicide." -- Unknown
"Those who dance are thought mad by those who can't hear the music." -- Unknown
"Be an artist like a child--paint and live outside the lines." -- Unknown
"He's having a mid life crisis, only in the middle of the first half of his mid life..." -- Unknown
"You look so pretty when you're afraid. But you're beautiful when you're in pain." -- Unknown
"Will (Smith) wins so much, even the Yankees are afriad to play him" -- Chris Rock
"You really have to watch that Ashton Kutcher, because he'll steal your girlfriend and your mother. He's a real literal motherfucker." -- Chris Rock
"There are people who would like to get rid of minimum wage. But we have to have it, because if we didn't, some people would not get paid money. They would work all week for two loaves of bread and some Spam." -- Chris Rock
"If at first you don't succeed... So much for skydiving." -- Henry Youngman
"If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?" -- Steven Wright
"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans are suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you." -- Rita Mae Brown
"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two." -- George Burns
"I like children - fried." -- W.C. Fields
"What progress we are making! In the Middle Ages they would have burned me. Now they are content with burning my books." -- Sigmund Freud
"The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently." -- Friedrich Nietzsche
"All are lunatics, but he who can analyse his delusions is called a philosopher." -- Ambrose Bierce
"Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they're eating sandwiches." -- Jim Carey
"When did I realize I was God? Well, I was praying and I suddenly realized I was talking to myself." -- Peter O'Toole
"I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom." -- Bob Hope
"A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous." -- Ingrird Bergman
"I like men who have a future and women who have a past." -- Oscar Wilde
"I still say that a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence." -- Doug Maclead
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." -- Katharine Hepburn
"If looks could kill, Austin would be on death row." -- Jim Ross
"You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing." -- Michael Pritchard
"Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some person ever reads." -- William J. Toms
"The problem with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around." -- Herb Caen
"If the people we love are stolen from us, the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them." -- The Crow
"Buildings burn. People die. But real love lives forever." -- The Crow
"A friend is someone who knows all about you and still likes you." -- Anon
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." -- Anon
"My love for you is like Diarrhea... I can't hold it in." -- Anon
"Only presidents, editors, and people with tapeworm have the right to use the editorial 'we'." -- Mark Twain
"If a person offends you, do not resort to extremes, simply watch your chance and hit him with a brick." -- Mark Twain
"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it." -- Mark Twain
"When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other." -- Despair.com
"Lord save me from your followers." -- Bumper sticker
"To [Ralph] Reed, of course, love is essentially a rhetorical device. 'Among conservative evangelists,' Reed insists, 'love for the Jewish people and the state of Israel is a defining characteristic.' In fact, legalistic Christians love Jews so much that they want them to become Christians. In the same way, they love gays so much that they want them to become straight. This is a very special kind of love, obviously." -- Bruce Bawer, Stealing Jesus, 194.
"White legalistic Protestants applaud black Republican Alan Keyes because he says what they want to hear and because it makes them feel unprejudiced to cheer a black man; yet how many of them would welcome an African-American as their pastor or son-in-law." -- Bruce Bawer, Stealing Jesus, 194.
"Out of the blue, the pastor mentions Christ's atoning sacrifice and says, "It is what?" The people shout back, "A gift!" Plainly this is a routine in which they have been drilled. When you accept Christ as your savior, the pastor proudly proclaims, you "kill the old thing and replace it with something new!" The fortyish man behind me says softly, "Amen." None of this, of course, has any particular relevance to the sermon text; what the pastor is doing, I realize is carrying out a weekly attempt to keep the basic tenets of legalistic Christianity set firmly in these people's minds. His method: sheer numbing repetition. I remember the grammar-school teacher who made us write every new vocabulary word a hundred times. And the college German instructor who began every class by drawing on the blackboard the same chart showing the declension of the definite article. Der, des, den, dem. Die, der, die den. The drill continues. "When a person's been saved," the pastor says, "he is what?" The people shout back, "A new creation!" "If you're out of Christ," says the pastor, "you're condemned. If you're in Christ, you're justified.... Christ is the hope of eternal life." Pausing he looks out over his flock. "What would you do," he asks the congregation, "if I walked up to you after the service and told you I'd been in touch with a lawyer, and this lawyer had told me that you have an elderly relative that you've never heard of who lives in a faraway place, and that that relative is a millionaire, and that as soon as that relative died, you'd get it all? Would you be interested in the state of health of that relative?" There is scattered laughter. "Sure you would! Well, I'm here to tell you that we already have that relative and he's already died for you and left you a treasure that's much, much greater than millions of dollars--and do you know who that relative is?" "Jesus," murmurs the man behind me. "Jesus!" other people shout. "That's right," the pastor proclaims. "That relative is Jesus Christ!" "Amen!" The theology is chilling. As if the idea of substitutionary atonement weren't brutal enough, the pastor has managed to make the whole business even more monstrous by comparing Jesus to a rich stranger whose death we look forward to with glee because he has left us money. It is a conception of Jesus from which love has been entirely excluded and in which naked self-interest is everything. I look around for any indication that someone is disturbed or offended by the pastor's analogy. Nope." -- Bruce Bawer, Stealing Jesus, 208-209.
"If you don't like my driving get off the god-damn sidewalk." -- Bumper sticker
"We've learned that you can't make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in." -- Unknown
"To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public." -- Theodore Roosevelt, 26th US President (1858-1919)
"The truth knocks on the door and you say 'Go away, I'm looking for the truth,' and so it goes away, puzzling." -- Robert Pirsig
"I went to the doctor the other day and he said I was a paranoid schizophrenic... Well, he didn't actually say it, but we know what he was thinking." -- Lily Savage
"We are the middle children of history, with no purpose or place. Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives. We have been raised by television to believe that we'll be millionairesand movie gods and rock stars -- but we won't be. And we're very, VERY pissed off." -- Tyler Durden, "Fight Club"
"A nice tight pair of panties." - Orlando Bloom, when asked what he wore underneath his Troy
costumes.
"There is only one rain cloud in the sky... and it's raining on me. Somehow I'm not surprised." - Eeyore, Winnie the Pooh
"Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!" -- Bash.org
"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten." -- George Carlin
"If God had intended us not to masturbate, He would've made our arms shorter." – George Carlin
"If God wanted us to be brave, why did he give us legs?" -- Marvin Kitma
"Parodying japanimation is like starving Soviet peasants, in Leningrad, in 1942. It doesn't take a lot of effort because 90% of the work is already done for you and lots of people end up dead." -- Benjamin William Allard
Kurtz, Apocalypse Now: "We train young men to drop fire on people. But their commanders won't allow them to write "fuck" on their airplanes because it's obscene!"
"I don't want to achieve immortality through my works. I want to achieve it by not dying." -- Woody Allen
"I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out." -- Billy Madison
"Love makes you do crazy things, see, and break-ups make you homicidal." -- Tracys words of wisdom
"SUCK MY WHITE ASS, BALL!!" -- Adam Sandler as "Happy Gilmore"
"When I'm born I'm Black, when I grow up I'm Black, when I'm in the cold I'm Black, when I'm in the sun I'm Black, when I'm sick I'm Black, when I die I'm Black. And you... When you're born you're Pink, when you grow up you're White, when you're in the cold you're Blue, when you're in the sun Red, when you're sick you're Green, when you die you're Purple. And you dare to call ME a coloured." - Malcom X
"But suppose God is black? What if we go to Heaven and we, all our lives, have treated the Negro as an inferior, and God is there, and we look up and He is not white? What then is our response?" -- Robert F. Kennedy
"Everyone is a prisoner of his own experience. No one can eliminate prejudices--just recognize them."
-- Edward R. Murrow
"I was in heaven until this world fell apart" -- 'Sell My Soul' Our Lady Peace
"Tried that last year. Banned from SeaWorld for life." -- Jesse, She's All That
"It's not my fault (Snow) didn't have any other options coming out of high school. If going to college gets you a career backup goaltender job, and my route gets you a thousand points and a thousand games, and compare the two contracts, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out whose decision was better." -- Jeremy Roenick, Flyers’ center and graduate of the Quebec Major Junior Hockey League, responds.
"It was like, `Hello? Hello? Are you there?' That's pretty funny, eh? The MCI Center and the phone didn't work." -- Curtis Joseph - May 13, 1999
-- Armand to Daniel in Ann Rice's The Queen of the Damned
