Joey Styles: "OH MY GOD.........WRESTLING?"
Snitsky: "I like your poetry."
Snitsky:“I hear you don’t like caskets.”
“Are you trying to call me crazy, West? Crazy is wearing a different variation of the same shiny shirt for close to two years.” -- Goldilocks after Don West calls her crazy
Samoa Joe (7/6/06 Impact): "It's not about beating you anymore, Scott [Steiner]. Hell, I've done that. Scott, it's about hurting you. It's about humiliating you. I'm going to make your children cry. They're going to cry because daddy can't hold them anymore."
AJ Styles [on commentary, IWA-MS]: "You just witnessed, well, heard Nate Webb is obviously jealous of Petey’s muscles."
Matt Morgan to a hometown wrestler: "Yeah, you should run like that woman. You know, from Runaway Bride?"
"You want Carlito to sell hot dogs?" -- Carlito, incredulously.
"Lovehandles. That's not cool!" --Carlito to Chris Jericho
"I could beat you." - Carlito to Lita
Carlito to Big Show: "We don't do bananas around here. We do apples."
"And they call you the Big Show?" Val Venis standing next to the Big Show at the urinals
Big Show: "I'm not a bad guy, I have footage."
"What is it with you, Michael Cole? Have you taken a stupid pill today? Is that what it is?" Big Show
"You're just like a squirrel in the wintertime. Ya got no nuts." -- Big Show to Masters
”You sit back here with your head up your ass without paying attention to what’s going on in the ring.” - Big Show, to Cole
"Yeah well Jeff Hardy, Triple H is gonna bust you in half like the little puke you are!" Big Show
Question: "What is your dream job?"
"Hi Blackman." Big Show after he was about to hurt Steve Blackman's buddy Grandmaster
"Big Show, the NWO never told you, did they, what happened to your father?" Goldust Dearth Vader costume
"Now that's what I call a VERY white Christmas." K-Kwik about Kurt Angle and his family
Ron Killings wants an orange juice.
"Oh, and for people who say I have a lisp in my promos, I really just try to overannounciate things. One of the things I was taught about promos is to overannounciate everything and talk very slowly. I don't think I have a lisp in real life. Meh, I guess even if I did, it hasn't stopped me from banging a fair amount of girls over the years.” -- Alex Shelley, August 6, 2004 Commentary
"Well since you call yourself the Nature Boy, that gives me a question I've always wanted to ask you. What exactly is a Nature Boy? Do you like Nature? Do you like Boys? No no, don't answer that - don't answer that at all." Austin to Flair
Vince: "You going to hit somebody over the damn head with the guitar?"
"What if I just put you over my knee, pull your little dress up...I gotta be careful, I don't want your balls to fall out." -- Steve Austin to Stephanie McMahon
"Price check on jackass!" Steve Austin about Booker T
"Show me a facial expression!" - Stone Cold to Lance Storm
"You know what, Lance? You're better than a sleeping pill, kid." - Stone Cold continues to berate Lance Storm.
"Do you know what your watch is saying? I don't know, I don't speak spanish." Stone Cold, to [the Italian] Tazz.
"I couldn't understand a word you said but it sounds like you're pissed..." -- Austin to Faarooq
"Take the cupcake out of your mouth fatass, and give me an answer!" -- Austin to Paul Bearer
Kurt Angle: “I was in the Cub Scouts, the Webelos, the Boy Scouts... I did 'em all.”
Chris Jericho: "If you want to see Chris Jericho drink a beer with Stone Cold Steve Austin, give me a doo-a dee-dee-dam dee-dee-doo!"
"I saw what Kurt Angle was gonna do to the Alliance - he was a threat! He's not a threat to Stone Cold Steve Austin, he's a threat to your careers. So what you think I mighta done was strong...no, in my eyes it wasn't strong enough because I'm trying to protect you! I'm trying to protect Stevie Richards, Tommy Dreamer...Mike Awesome. Chuck Palumbo! I gave that man a piledriver for you, kid, so you've got a future here. If that man tries to threaten the Alliance, I will stand up and fight for everybody here because that's what I do!" An Austin Alliance speech after Kurt scared him really bad
"Come hell or high water... or beer..." Stone Cold Steve Austin doing color commentary during the WWF championship match
"We're not *together*, but he does have nice hair" Austin about HHH
"Give me a hell yeah if you want Ric Flair to tear up that contract and tell Vince and the NWO to go to hell!" Austin
"I think he's an animal What? You know what I'm saying? What? I think he's a jackass What? He's a big, fat jackass What?" Stone Cold's thoughts about Scott Hall
"Who is this guy?" Austin referring to Chris Kanyon coming up to him and saying that he was a huge fan
"I hate the little snaggletoothed bastard." Stone Cold referring to Chris Benoit in his cage match on RAW
"I'm telling you right now; I do respect that sumbitch but leave my beer alone, or I'll open a can of whoopass on that bastard!" Austin after the Rock snatches the beer out of Stone Cold's hand, drinks, and spits it out in Triple H's face
"Don't tell me he's going to use the sock on the Rock! HE DID!" Lawler "Steve, it's OK. I know he [Angle] is a dork, but he's a dangerous dork, our dork and your backup dork!" Vince McMahon
"You're about the ugliest stripper I've seen in my life" Stone Cold about Vince's stripping...
"...As far as the Rock goes, Stone Cold Steve Austin and the Rock ain't pals, we ain't drinkin' buddies, it ain't nothin' like that. What the Rock is is the World Wrestling Federation champion, so I got - I said - I said I got a vested interest in his health. But you know what? Since you ain't the WWF champion, I could give a rat's ass about your health. So if you want me to whip this city slicker's ass gimme a hell yeah." Austin to Kurt Angle
Stone Cold Steve Austin, making up what Lita said about Debra in a conversation: "She said you were dumb Debra. In fact, if I’m going to quote her, she said you were ‘country dumb and it was like you’d just fallen off the back of a turnip truck’. And she said I wasn't going to tell you this, but she said the roots of your hair are real dark and you need to touch them up! Oh and she said that she wouldn’t put that cheap-ass perfume you’re wearing, that I bought you, on a mule!"
"Don't be sad I kicked your ass, just be glad I didn't kill you." -- Steve Austin
"You could count on Brian... [He was] a helluva friend who would be there for you and do whatever you wanted" - Steve Austin
"The only thing I'm sorry about is that the toilet bowl wasn't full of a few contents that I think you know what I'm talking about!" -Steve Austin talking about sticking the Brian Pillman's head in the toilet.
"Because when Austin 3:16 meets Pillman 9mm, I'm gonna blow his sorry ass straight to hell!" --Brian Pillman
Brain Pillman on Eric Bischoff: "Eric Bischoff is a fucking shithead. You wanna know what Eric Bischoff is? Eric Bischoff is like each and every one of you, A SMART FUCKING MARK!"
Brian Pillman's first ECW words to Joey Styles: “Haven’t you heard? I got fired by Eric Bischoff!”
Brian Pillman to Joey Styles: “You’re not running this interview, I am! Because I’m Brian fucking Pillman!”
"Well, at least you know now that THIS loose cannon doesn't shoot blanks." -- Brian Pillman, on being the father of Marlena's Daughter
"Hey - the fans can go to hell as far as I'm concerned. I've got more important concerns these days!" -- Brian Pillman - January 1993
"Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell is afraid I'll take over." - Brian Pillman
"Do unto others... AND ENJOY IT!" -- Brian Pillman
"You're complaining about the (Smoking) Gunns Double teaming you, when all you wanted to do is double team Sunny" --Brian Pillman to the Bodydonnas
"You and your teeny-bopper dreams can go to hell!" -- Brian Pillman
"Brian [Pillman] is someone ya just got to love - unless, of course, your initials are F.C.C.." -- Ric Flair
"And Chris Benoit, as magnificent as he looks, is not medically cleared yet." - Ric Flair
"I hear you! I hear you chanting my name! I have respect for that fan!" --Pipper
"Real men wear kilts." -Roddy Piper
"You look up my kilt again I'll bite your face off." -Roddy Piper
"I... SCARE Flair!" -Roddy Piper
"D-Von... can you b-b-believe how ass-backwards the people in New York City are? You people actually cheer for those pretty-boy punks, the Hardy Boyz! But you have the nerve to boo a person, the greatest pitcher in the history of baseball, my new hero, John Rocker!" Buh Buh Ray Dudley
"Play some funky music for this white boy!" Bubba Ray Dudley
"Dude, are you for real? You’re nothing more than a kiss ass, washed up, ex-porn star." - Bubba Ray to Chief Morley
Todd: "Now each of you, one at a time, what is your biggest pet peave?"
"In ECW, Men become heroes, but in in WWF, Heroes become legends, and legends become GODS!!!
And if god was a heel, he'd be the dudley boys!"-Bubba Ray Dudley, just before leaving ECW for WWF
Tazz, at Mr. McMahon's Christmas party where Bubba is dressed as Santa: "You know, you make the worst Santa Claus I've ever seen."
Bubba "Look... Spike's had one beer, and he's so drunk, he thinks Beulah is good looking!"
Question: "Which WWE Superstar would you want to be stranded on a desert island with?"
HHH to Bubba Ray "You got a problem?"
"Hardy Boyz! You know what you punks did to me and my brother? You kept us up all night last night, thinking about what you did to us at the Royal Rumble. You've done something that nobody else has done before, and that's beat us at our own game by putting people through tables, such as the Dudley Boyz. And as far as I'm concerned, you have taken the Dudley Boyz to the extreme!" D-Von Dudley, busting in on the Hardy Boyz interview
Lawler "Uh-oh, J.R., look at this! Look who's coming out!"
A delighted Lawler as the Dudley Boyz head over to their table "They ARE coming over here, J.R.! Hello, gentlemen! You know this guy right here, J.R.?"
Buh Buh to JR "I dare ya to say it now! I dare ya to say it NOW!"
JR to Buh Buh "Why don't you watch this match; maybe you'll learn something!"
Lawler about JR "Don't hit him in the mouth, Buh Buh! He won't be able to say a word with a fat lip!"
D-Von "Ain't nothing wrong with being a sick man in the World Wrestling Federation!"
BuhBuh to JR "You'd better watch your step! I swear to God, J.R., you'd better watch your step! You have no clue what you're dealing with!"
JR "Don't you have somewhere to be?"
JR "The Du-the Du-the damn Dudleys are coming to the ring!"
"REALLY? I can join you guys? Oh man! So I can give up women, I can give up my beliefs, and I can dress... JUST LIKE YOU GUYS! MAN that would be sweet - what are you, out of your minds? Get outta here before someone sees me *talking* to you losers!" Test, rather sacastic, to Val Venis and RTC
"You mean, The Next Big Thing? Well, the Next Big Thing is gonna get the next big boot. And Sunday at King of the Ring, when I beat Brock Lesnar, Test - TEST is gonna be the new Big Thing."
Regal talking to the APA and Test: "I need protection."
Stacy "Okay, this is the BEST idea I've ever had. Okay. You know how the Rock has his People - and Kane has his Kane-enites. And Hulk Hogan has the Hulkamaniacs. Whadda YOU have?"
Test: "I just wanna say hi to all my....to all my...I just wanna say hi to ALL MY TESTICLES!"
"Take her g-string, pull it up over her head and poke her in the eyes." Test to Trish before her match against Lita
Trish: "The guy that stole your wife?"
Test after Terri trys to stick up for America "Excuse me! Were we done talking? Why don't you try to control your American instinct of being rude and ignorant - shut up - and let us finish what we were gonna say? Now speaking of SummerSlam, I just finished speaking with Eric Bischoff, and he just gave me something that I've always wanted since I signed here at RAW - and that's a one-on-one match with The Undertaker. At SummerSlam, I may be coming into Taker's yard - but it's gonna be me who buries the so-called American Badass."
"Once you go Test, you forget aboot the rest!"
“Paybacks and your wife have a lot in common, they’re both a bitch!” Test to Hunter
Stephanie "...you got involved in family business, and let me remind you, Test - you are not family."
"You can't fire me!" Test
"I have to go to the loo" William Regal with his fancy English
This isn't a quote.. Test once wore a shirt that said: "Guns don't kill people - *I* kill people"
"He’s not a troll he's a leprechaun, and take a step back and take that tone out of your voice!" ---Finlay while arguing with William Regal
"Look, please - first thing - you don't need to keep bowing all the time - very stereotypical - you know, we don't have that kind of thing, racial stereotypes here in the WWF, we just won't allow it. So please - you can start doing things for me - go and fetch my tea and crumpets." Regal to Tajiri
Jonathan Coachman: "Commissioner Regal are you ok?"
William Regal "Goldust, didn't you used to be married to that young man? [Terri mouths "yes"] What an enchanting affair that must've been, you must be so proud of yourself, and so must your mother be so proud of you for doing it. That dirty, filthy, disgusting individual, that ragamuffin, how on earth an I expected to get in the ring and show the class I always show when I have to face an individual like Goldust. I'd like to say I'd give him the trashing of a lifetime, but he'd probably bloody well enjoy that! All I know, is when I finish with him, he's going to be crying tears as big as October cabbages. He's going to face something that is barbaric, sadistic, and also, the one thing that no other superstar in the WWE has, and that is the Power of the Punch, and when he feel sit ooh, he won't bloody like it, you know?"
Faroqq: "How tall are you?"
Buh Buh Ray Dudley “We ain’t got no money on us… but we’ll write you a check!”
Bradshaw "We're GONNA take those belts! But not until after we destroy you. And Billy, you and Road Dogg listen close. If you ain't down with that, we got two words for ya!"
"I think Faarooq's hungry, 'cos I think he's fixing to eat Crash" Bradshaw
"We get paid in a variety of ways, such as beer, of course we take cash....and beer. We even take foreign currency, such as Yen, and we also take...beer." Bradshaw to Kaientai
"What do you think he'd kiss to become Vice President" Bradshaw about Regal joining the 'Kiss My Ass' club
JBL: "Me and Shannon Moore! Think about it! He's a young, good-looking guy! The girls love him! The guys love him, too, I don't know about that, but..."
"Catch that chicken! Catch it! After that chicken!" Shane to Vince in the midst of a rather unusual training session
"Not only do I have a strudel, but I got the whole damn bakery down there!" Shane McMahon, Raw October 1, 2001
"I got it all, I got the money, I got the looks, I got the brainpower" Shane McMahon
"Eeny, meeny, miney mo "Dad, get your attitude out of my face, before I slap the wrinkles out of yours." Shane
Vince: "You're my son."
"You gotta eat lightning and crap thunder!" More of Shane's training advice to his dad
"Hello, Big Show. I saw what you did to Test, so I thought I'd try to calm you down by reading from this fable, to turn that frown...upside down. This story stars a giant, a beanstalk and a boy named Jack.
But for the purposes of this story, the boy will be named Shane-O Mac.
Vince McMahon: "...Ya wonder, will a town be named after Razor Ramon if he wins the gold here tonight?"
Vince: "I don't know if you've realized it, Shelton, but you're African-American."
Saturn: "And the Filthy Animals are gonna find out exactly how hard it is once you tear the arms and legs off a Barbie doll, but put it back together."
"If you think I'm afraid of the steel cage...YOU'RE RIGHT! Please God, don't make me go into the cage!"
- Stevie Richards
"For all you know, the way I act could very well be an act. Or maybe it isn't. I could be the most dangerous, most vicious one of the bunch, because no one takes me seriously!"-- "Dancing" Stevie Richards
Stevie Richards: "This, Jo-Jo, is my babe. [Francine]. You know what I call her?"
Stevie (with Victoria..Erm, hiding...)"You wanna know what I think about my relationship with Victoria? [moans] oh she's [moans] oh she's [moans] oh she's [moans] oh [moans] "
"One thing hasn’t changed since the Bingo Hall, I’ve got a great butt! I’m very rich! I’m very rich! I bought a big house! I bought a big house!” Stevie (in WCW)
Question: Which WWE Superstar would you want to be stranded on a desert island wtih?
Blue Meanie “What song is it that you would like to hear?”
Stevie, preparing to fight the Gangsters: “What I’m going to do right now…Hold this….Is take my shirt off…and take my Goddamed hair out…”
"I went through my life knowing I was the coolest piece of ice in the tray... until I met Raven." - Stevie Richards - December 1997
The Blue Meanie: "Do you think Stevie [Richards] will ever come back?"
Super Nova: "No."
Meanie: "Why?"
Nova: "Because, *pause* I killed him!"
Meanie: "Oh my god, you killed Stevie! YOU BASTARD! *Cartman voice* Heh, heh, I want some Cheesy Poofs!"
"I just returned from the Florida tour to find more of the same subject of debate: 'Did I sell out?' Some wrestling fans act like I really ruined their lives. They think I should have turned down the offer of a lifetime, or two, and keep wrestling in the bingo hall, being around people that pale in comparison to my mentor Raven. To the fans who think they'll never see me again live, maybe you should buy a ticket to the CoreStates Spectrum for July 26. You just never know where Raven and, of course, the 'Original King of Swing' Dancin' Stevie Richards, are going to decide to show up next. By the way...I $old out! I $old out! I $old out! I'm very rich! I'm very rich! I'm very rich! Thank you and have a good night." Stevie Richards
Stevie during the ECW Raw invasion: “On behalf of ECW and the Blue World Order, we have only three words for you: We’re taking over.”
Stevie Richards last ECW: “Tonight I had the chance to wrestle for the title in my hometown of Philadelphia. Unfortunately according to doctors, not only am I not getting a shot tonight, but I may never wrestle again. I didn’t come here for a sob story or to ask you to pray for me or cry for me. I came out here to wish Terry Funk all the luck in the world. Terry, I look up to you so much, as much as I wanted to wrestle you tonight.”
Stevie (back in ECW): “I bet there's a lot of ECW fans who think that Stevie Richards sold out. And now on this glorious night where it all ended for me on June 7th of this year, I am indeed back in Extreme Championship Wrestling. See, because I know in my heart and my soul that I'd rather be wrestling in front of you dirty bastards than on Monday Nitro. Instead of 10 million fans, in front of 1,500. You know, the only reason everyone in this building is happy 'cause I'm back is I'm the only real talent in this God-forsaken promotion. So to everybody out there, (drops to his knees) I feel the need in my heart to say to you, my public, my audience, and especially my fans, I have only two words for you: F* you, f* you, f* you, and f* all of you. Thank you and have a good night."
Steven Richards: "We've challenged the unwholesome trio of the Hardy Boyz and Lita. Three people whose actions and attire the youth of American may emulate, right down to Lita's disgustingly lewd undergarments. Well, the Right to Censor says NO MORE."
Steven Richards: "Allow me to offer you a lesson in morality - Rikishi's fat, disgusting rear end hanging out of a thong is unacceptable. Violence is unacceptable. And most importantly, scantily clad woman are unacceptible. And the fact that Rikishi brought those women back makes this personal. And quite frankly, I am disappointed that here in the Bible belt, you all do not seem to care. Well, SOMEONE has to fight for your children! SOMEONE has to fight the good fight and make this world a better place. And SOMEONE must be here to stop people like Rikishi and teach him the words 'appropriate behaviour.' And I, Steven Richards, will sacrifice my well-being to censor material that we find indecent and inappropriate. Because none of you in North Carolina will. And if you don't know what's good for you and your children.....we do."
Steven Richards "Terri, Jazz is doing okay. She did have a very serious knee operation, but she is recovering nicely. And one thing I'm very happy about is how close Jazz and I have become. She's just so cute and cuddly, she's such a warm person, oh, she's the best."
Steven Richards "Very moving speech, Mr. Flair. I have one question. When you were talking about 'your day,' did you mean the Roaring Twenties...or the Jurassic Period?"
Steven Richards: "You're only trying to mess with my mind! Do you know what you'll find inside my mind?!"
"Y'know, there's always liposuction, but you don't want to take a chance that the surgeon might let the air out of the wrong place!" -- Jacqueline to Sable
"I invited Jeff to bring Miss Kitty and Miss Debra to ringside because it won't be the first time
I've smacked three dumb blondes in one night!" -- Jacqueline on her upcoming match against Jeff Jarrett
Steve Blackman "When I agreed to do this Chains of Love show, I was told it'd be with four hot, sexy women - not Humpty Dumpty, Bertha and Isabelle!"
a girl from the above skit "So...why do they call you the Lethal Weapon?"
Tommy Dreamer to Raven in New Orleans: "Hey Raven, New Orleans is fucking special to my heart, why don't you get your punk ass out here and we'll finish this thing in New Orleans, right NOW!"
Dreamer in ECW in New Orleans in respond to (of course) Raven: "Decadence, and Debachery... My scared childhood... The world is out to get me. What about me? What about Raven? You wannna hide yourself behind peircings and tattoos? Don't you get it? You fit in. You're just like all of us, nobody's perfect. Life sucks. Take it on the chin. You wanna try to destroy me? What do you think you can do now, that you haven't done before? You think I care about my body? You wanna beat me! You wanna beat ME!! We're bound by something stronger than love... We're bound something stronger than hate! We're bound by Blood, Do the right thing Scotty... Do the right thing."
"I've waited my whole life for this. I may never make it to Wrestlemania. I never wanna make it to Starrcade. But I made it in the ECW Arena! And from the bottom of my heart, to all my friends that are here, in other companies, up in the fuckin' Heaven, and all you fans ... Thank you very much." - Tommy Dreamer upon winning the ECW World Title
"Roses are red / Violets are lame / How about I beat you / With my Singapore canes?" Tommy Dreamer to Chris Nowinski
"You were joining the Taliban, if you joined up with Eric Bischoff and WCW." -- Tommy Dreamer on what
Heyman thought of WCW, ECW DVD.
"Paul [Heyman] never lied to the fans... Paul lies to the wrestlers .... But, Paul never lied to the fans." -- Dreamer, ECW DVD.
"We're buddies, we're pals. You're stuck with me, and I'm stuck with fucking you!" --Tommy to Raven in ECW
"And we're about, we're about thuggin' and buggin, and that's what we're going to do to every WWE superstar and especially the one that we're facing tonight, Tommy Dreamer, and that's off the hizzle for chizzle, you feel me playa? Now, Tommy Dreamer, get ready for your nightmare, because it's time to back a Mack. You feel me? Come get it done right now." Theodore Long
WWE Magazine June 2003 Question of the Month: "Growing up, how did you spend your summer vacations?"
Very good page where the Q&A came from
CM Punk: "Quote The Gathering, nevermore."
PWI Question: "Why do you bleed so much?"
"...people say I remind them of Steve Corino.....except I work out." -- CM Punk, ROH Death Before Dishonor 3
CM Punk: “There's no place like home."
"Let me tell you something, you young, blondehair, Ric Flair lookalike..." -- Ricky Steamboat punking out CM Punk
Jazz "So many people In the WWF don't know how good they have it, how they've been walking in heaven. I think if the entire WWF roster went through what I had to suffer [losing her job as ECW went bankrupt], you'd see a lot of personalities change."
Jazz to Teddy Long: "You ain't made me no money anyways, get out of here!"
"Simon has a problem. You know, its a sad day when two clean-cut, all-American, good looking guys can't hang out and be friends without hearing derogatory comments from you Neanderthals." -- Simon Diamond Teddy Long, to Josh Matthews, after Matthews extended his hand, hoping to get one of Long’s business cards: "Hey, playas only, cracka!"
"You are going to hell, you got that? I don't know why you're looking at me. I'm not going with you!" - Teddy Long to Randy Orton
Missy Hyatt Shoot Interview (August 2002) on Brian Pillman: “If I thought he was going to die, I would have slept with him.”
Question: "Have you ever had any ... shoot matches?"
Francine from an interview on Tommy Dreamer's character in WWE: "I've heard. I haven't seen any of the skits, but I heard they're disgusting. I remember one time a dumpling fell in a tiolet and he ate it out of the toilet and it got a big pop by the boys. And I remember one time we were in a restuarant and he had stepped in mashed potatoes and he took it off his shoes and ate it. I used to hate him for it all the time because I just thought it was disgusting and then he stopped doing it, but now he's starting up again. God bless him. It's getting him television time. I haven't seen it. If you dare him he'll do it. He's that type of person, if the boys say you're not going to do it he goes, 'Oh yeah? Watch me.' And he'll go out and do it. He's a little sick in the head. God bless him for getting his spot. I'm happy for him. I`m happy for all the boys that are working. You know, what can you do. You won't see me eating anybody's chew."
Francine to Gorgeous George: "Bitch! I don't know who you are, I don't care where you came from, but I'm the Queen of Extreme!!"
Justin (during the The Impact Players days) "Now thats not just the Coolest! Thats not just the Best!"
"This is ridiclous. How is it you have a job here and I don't?!" Lance (the janitor) to The Hurricane
Lance: "I'm not taking you lightly, I'm taking you very seriously."
Lance Storm, on Confidential: "Where did you get your sidekick, Head?"
"That's the problem, you're just incredible... I'm the guy that can do it all." Lance Storm to Justin Credible
"I give you, the most beautiful women in ECW, no silicone needed, Tammy Lynn Bytch." Lance Storm, introducing Dawn Marie in the ring
"I'm not the whole F'n show... I'm just the best part of it" Lance Storm to RVD
"Your operation is as illegitimate as a three-legged donkey...." Lance Storm, referring to the Godfather's "escort service"
"Those of you who came here tonight to see the side show antics of "Sports Entertainment" are gonna be a little disappointed with me. I do not dance. I do not sing. All I do is wrestle." Lance Storm
"I took one UGLY bump. It wasn't really so much a bump as it was just getting dropped on my head. Thank you to everyone who saw the PPV and voiced their concern. You can all relax, Bubba is fine!" - Lance Storm Commentary 9-24-02
"...officiating that we just witnessed in here is NOT an innocent act of incompetence! The same thing happened to me LAST week, and now it happens again to my good friend Christian. There's a pattern developing here - and that pattern is one of inherent prejudice towards Canadian athletes. And it's not just the officials of WWE that are prejudiced - all the American wrestlers in the back, they're prejudiced, too. This whole damn company has a history of prejudice towards Canadians! They've been holding us back for YEARS. They've been screwing us every chance they GET. And it's not just this company and everybody in it that's prejudiced...all of you. Each and every one o' you is prejudiced, too. America *itself* is prejudiced towards Canada and every other country in this world! You Americans think that you're better than us. You Americans look down your nose at us. You Americans think that because you're the most powerful nation in this world...that that somehow gives you the right to throw your weight around any way you see fit. You never *once* think of the consequences and repercussions to the rest of us. Who in the hell do you Americans think you are!? There's a reason the rest of the world HATES you! You people DESERVE to be hated! And I know that I speak for millions of people all over this world when I say AMERICA... SUCKS!" Lance Storm
"If I can be serious for a minute...Triple H - you may thing you achieved a great victory over my fellow Canadian Chris Jericho Sunday night at Hell in the Cell...but all you really proved is that you aren't the impressive athletic competitor you claim to be. You're a barbaric, bloodthirsty animal - and you're about to be taught a severe lesson - like only a true wrestling technician can do!" Lance Storm
"Wait a minute...Brian Hebner, right? Earl Hebner's kid? I shoulda known - your family's got a history of screwin' great Canadians, doesn't it? Typical American - you see what you wanna see, and not what's really there." Lance Storm
"Billy - not trying to rattle you, throw you off before a match or anything, but...I've been here longer than you, you know, I've got contact, I've kept my ears out there - the word I'm hearin' - office thinks you're dull. You're boring, you know, you lack charisma. Quite frankly, they...think you're way too serious out there." Storm
"On behalf of the citizens of the world, and on behalf of the citizens of my homeland, the great country of Canada - I vow to all of you that I will accomplish what you want me to do this evening... I, Lance Storm, will BEAT an American."
"Stop the music! Stop the singing! Stop all of this right now! I don't mean to ruin your little birthday celebration - we've had all we can take of this 'America the Beautiful' CRAP! Lilian, get out of that ring. As a matter of fact, get out of this building!" Lance says as Lilian looks ready to erupt into a violent tirade (in Spanish, ironically enough) but does leave
"I heard from a couple of wrestling insiders that the Giant, instead of facing me, is going to retire and become a Nitro girl." Kevin Nash
Nash: "Son, if you are telling me to wrestle.. you haven't watched much of my career. I just take the money and let someone else wrestle."
Nash to Scott Hall: "If you're lookin' for someone to tag with, I'll be your huckleberry."
"We'll end up back together because we're too good together not to be together. We're like Abbott and Costello. I miss him. I miss my buddy!" -- Kevin Nash (talking about Scott Hall) - August 1998
"How come I brought down one bag and you brought down 3?" Kevin Nash referring to Macho Man's ladies (One of those ladies was Molly Holly, so *hisses at Nash* Bad!)
"I'm out in the ring, Shawn Michaels turns to me and says, 'Hey, I got a couple of vertebrae out. Would you mind puttin 'em in with that chair?' He turns his back, I whack him and all of a sudden I'm a bad guy." Kevin Nash
"I look like Vince Neil over here!" - Kevin Nash when looking into the announcers' booth monitor, WCW Nitro, 1996
"I know its Spring Break guys, but the fat chicks need loving too!" - Nash at Nitro Spring Break
Sid Vicious: "See we both know Kevin Nash, that I'm twice the man you are....and I have half the brain you do...."
"You know, Flair and Piper were out here talking about how they helped build this sport and paved the highway for the rest of us. Well, you know what? That road you paved is filled with potholes cause you and the other old guys did was take all the money you could and left us nothing. A few years ago, myself and Scott Hall were in WCW. I was a little green, but Scott was ready to be a star. And what did WCW do after he proved himself for a year? They cut his pay in half. So he and I went up to New York. And was it party all night, get up and party a little longer? No, we had to work really hard to dig this business out of the funk you guys left it in. So you drive your limos. Me and my crew will cram five in a car and drive a rental. You ride first class. We'll ride coach. You drink champagne. We'll drink McForties while we pave the potholes you guys left behind. You want respect? Well where I come from the other side of Detroit, you don't get respect, you earn it and you're going to have to beat some respect out of me boys. There are some young hungry lions who want more than just a nibble on the carcass. We want it all. NWO for life!" - Kevin Nash, WCW Nitro - 1997.
"You don't have to worry about me stabbing you in the back, 'cause I'll shoot you right between the eyes!" -- Kevin Nash to Hulk Hogan - Monday Nitro, 1999
"Eat your heart out Sable!" - Kevin Nash on Spring Break Nitro with Torrie Wilson
Nash's last promo before hurting himself in the ring: "For the last three months, I been sittin' around here injured, watchin' my friends have all the fun, beatin' everybody's ass week in and week out. As you can clearly see, I'm in my gear tonight. I've been medically cleared! And you know what, Big Sexy's got a lot of uh - aggression - a lot of uh - emotion built up inside of him. And what I really want...is a little physical contact tonight. So let's see...Booker T's been runnin' his mouth, what should we do here - he's kinda got a couple of friends with him. I say...why don't we allow Benoit and Guerrero to join us tonight in a ten man tag...against Booker T., Fairydust, the two Dudleys...and since we've always been talkin' about strength in numbers, hey guys, either get a fifth guy or don't, we'll take the advantage. But tonight, there's a ten man tag - and it's gonna happen in Philly. And Hunter, I know you're watchin', 'cause it's RAW. And I know you're not gonna turn your back on family - but if you do...Hunter, what I do to Booker tonight, I'm gonna do to you."
Nash: "And if anybody down there's got a problem with that - I don't know, how about headlining a couple WrestleManias and then giving us a shout?"
"Don't sing it. Bring it." -Scott Hall
"Remember when it used to be fun around here?" -- Scott Hall, WCW Nitro
Scott Hall, to Tony Schiavone: "Hey Tony, you'd better hit the stairmaster if you want to talk about my health!"
"Hey! You people, you know who I am. But you don't know why I'm here. Where is Billionaire Ted? Where is the Nacho Man? That punk can't even get into the building. Me? I go wherever I want, whenever I want. And where oh where is Scheme Gene, cause I have a scoop for you. When that Ken doll lookalike, when that weatherman wannabe comes out later tonight, I got a challenge for him, for Billionaire Ted, for the Nacho man and for anyone else in WCW. Hey, you wanna go to war? You wanna war? You're gonna get one!" -- Scott Hall
"I got two belts, you want one?" -- Scott Hall to Kevin Nash
Scott Hall: "Can I speak now or will I get in trouble again?"
"Kick him when he's down, he's easier to reach." -- Scott Hall
"I'm the only macho man in the WWF, Chico!" -- Razor Ramon, July 1993
"[Sunny]'s been makin' eyes and makin' passes at Owen Hart, and he's MINE!!! I mean, he's under contract to me!" Jim Cornette
"If you were going to give the United States of America an enema, then you'd stick the hose right here in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania." -- Bret Hart
"I once again would like to give this award to somebody who's taught me everything I know, and has had me down on the mat more times than I could possibly remember--no Sunny, not you, sit down!" Shawn Michaels
"Easy with the headbangin', McMahon. You might throw that rug off!" Shawn Michaels
"I was DX before DX was cool." Shawn Michaels
"Bret Hart, you are a zero, my hero!" -- HBK
"Be still my beating heart - he's here tonight!" -- HBK on Hulk Hogan
"Undertaker, you can ask any woman in the world, the Heartbreak Kid doesn't 'Rest In Peace,' as a matter of fact, he can stay UP ALL NIGHT!" - Shawn Michaels
"I don't dunk basketballs, or run the 44 flat, but when I fly, I'm the most dangerous athlete alive. And those who say otherwise, always eat their words" HBK Desire video
11-18-02 RAW after Survior Series '02 HBK says: "You'll never guess what I found last night."
"Lest my ears deceive me, it seems to me that Chris Jericho is out here telling you and the world what it takes to be a man... And he's doing it while wearing *those* pants." -Shawn Michaels, on RAW
"What do I look for in a woman? Why the three B's of course- body, brains and bucks. Bucks are optional, however, because the Heartbreak Kid has plenty of his own! What would I consider a romantic date? I would have to say that ANY date with me is going to be romantic." - HBK Advice to the lovelorn.
"I can't answer that question. With me it just happens. When girls or chicks- whatever you prefer- scope me out, its just like bees on honey! They're all over me! Hugging me and kissing me as if I was God's gift to women. Who can blame them? Just take a look at this package." - HBK Advice to the lovelorn.
"All right, honey. The HBKid gets the message. Bottom line: With or without the gruff, I'm still the sexiest man alive!" - HBK Advice to the lovelorn.
"Naturally it was fun in the sun for the Heartbreak Kid. I was digging chicks even when I was a small Heart-breaker! I would always be lying pool side watching the chicks go by. I even had the coolest swimming suit! You know how I was able to afford it? Well, while the other kids were selling lemonade on the corner for 10 cents, I was selling kisses for a buck fifty!" - HBK in WWF magazine talking about how he spent his summer.
"The one that usually seems to work the best for the HB Kid is "Come here"!" - HBK Advice to the lovelorn talking about what line works the best for him to get women.
"Then look away because I just can't help it. I need to disrobe myself on Nat'l TV. Don't knock it until you've tried it!!!" - HBK, AOL 1996 responding to someone who said it was gross for him to strip at the end of his matches.
"Everybody in this business has come on to me at one time or another. Man, woman or child." - HBK, AOL 1996 responding to the question has Goldust ever come on to him.
"Don't get jealous, honey!" - Shawn Michaels to Chris Jericho
"And your point would be......WHAT?" -- HBK
"You will not see any new members, nor will you see any old members. There is now only one kliq and that is the fans of the Heartbreak Kid." - HBK AOL 1996 responding to any new members of the Kliq.
"I personally am quite taken by the way that you display your abilities. I am, I watch you. I watch you Triple H and everybodys got to admit, man nobody can deny you have proven time and time again that brother, you can spit some water....What I'm not impressed by that? Of course I am, hey everybodys got to admit that that takes talent." RVD, clapping, and talking to HHH
"Wow! The Hardcore Championship Belt. That's so cool!" Micheal Cole "Dude, what's he inhaling, anyway." Rob Van Dam about Goldust
"I prefer it hardcore" RVD
"How about the Showstopper goes one on one with the Whole Fn Show?" RVD to HBK
Big Show: "Why is he getting the I.C. title shot and not me?"
RVD "Steve! My God, have you heard?"
RVD "Have you heard the news?"
"What's the captional of Belgium?" Christian
"Do you know what would be cool? IF you put your Euro Trash title on the line." RVD to Christian
"Yeah, Coach, I mean no doubt that ladder match was really rough - but, I'd go through it all again for this right here. The intercontinental championship means more to me than anything. You know, last week was the start of something really good, I can feel it - in fact, this is gonna be referred to as the summer of Rob-Van-Dam."
Paul Heyman with Brock "Oh, oh my - bravo! What a virtuoso performance in the ladder match with Eddie Guerrero!" “Who doesn’t like RVD? He’s So cool” RVD
Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley: "I always say, 'Once is not enough'."
"Trepidation? Hey, from my experience, a ladder match is extremely dangerous...but for the intercontinental championship, it's worth it. I know Eddie Guerrero is a Latino Heat, but that's gonna burn him up, 'cause tonight, I'm gonna climb that ladder, and I'm gonna grab that title. Because when it comes to climbing the ladder of success, nobody but NOBODY gets as high as R - V - D."
RVD: "You know what, I don't need Mr. McMahon's motivation - I'm motivated every time I go out there and my fans remind me of who I am Rob-Van-Dam"
RVD "Brock Lesnar! Hey - tell me where I can find Brock and Paul Heyman? I know this is their dressing room."
Rob Van Dam: "Hey, Brock! Brock Lesnar! I see you've got a victory tonight - well I had a victory too. Why don't we settle our differences right here tonight?"
"You can forget about that, Doc. There's no way anybody's gonna stop me from goin' out there and kickin' Undertaker's ass. The title's on the line - so's my pride. He's gonna find out that he messed with the wrong man when he messed with Rob van Dam. Just clean me up." RVD
Bubba Ray Dudley (in Philly) "Hey - you know what I'm talkin' about - we been through a lot together, especially in this town - five minutes up the road in that bingo hall that everybody used to make fun of - the place where we made our reputations - where I kicked your ass and yeah, even some times you kicked mine, but we did it for one reason - just to get here - just to get to WWE. So when they came to us and they said that we had to find a partner for the ten man tag tonight, I looked at Spike and I said, who's the most extreme? Who's the most hardcore guy that we know that'll step in there with us and go toe to toe with the NWO, Benoit and Guerrero? We think that man is you. And if we don't draw the line right now, the NWO is gonna walk over everybody. So what's it gonna be? I say do it for yourself, do it for your roots, do it for this town...but most of all, do it...because you're Rob van Dam."
RVD "I never claimed to be the showstopper. I'm Rob Van Dam... I'm the F'N show!"
"Everyday is a holiday when you're RVD" Rob Van Dam
Eric Bischoff: "Do me a favor and take a hike. Oh, and tell your brother to get well soon."
RVD "Already worth the money they've spent on the pay per view event... it's Rob Van Dam... everybody's favorite."
RVD "It doesn't make you bad losing to Rob Van Dam... it just makes you like everybody else."
RVD about Sabu: “How is Rob Van Dam gonna carry all five belts, and his partner, too?”
RVD: "Come on man... be cool. Do you know how many people try to be cool their whole lives like Rob Van Dam. Take Sabu for example. I mean he's the most homocidal... what is he?"
Perry Saturn "I know you're with the Alliance, but I don't know what to do, I figured you'd be good at something like this - if you could take a look at this and please help me find Moppy!"
Maria: "And my next question is do you know Batman? Because I saw him in a movie this summer and
he is so hot!"
Hurricane: "Well chicks do dig Superheroes..."
Rosey: "But do we know Batman? Girl let me tell you something. Last week in Gotham City we were rollin’
six hotties deep in the Batmobile!"
Maria: "*In shock, giggles*"
Hurricane: "As a matter of fact.. look! It’s the Batsignal right up there!"
Maria: "Where?"
Hurricane & Rosey: "*look at each other* *fly away*"
Hurricane, talking about Flair's book: "You know, Chyna, now she had a good book!"
Kidman is watching Stasiak's awful RAW interview: "This is the stupidest thing I've ever seen."
"Holy insitations Citizen Coach! You dare question the intergrity of the Hurricane? Whatz up wit dat?! I am not a hurri-pervert!! What I am is, the Hurri-Hardcore Champion, 24-7!!"Hurricane to Coach, Wrestlemania
"Orale Eddie! Kick his butt! That's what you get, Stone Cold Steve Austin, when you mess with a Guerrero!" Chavo yelling at the tv. Gregory Helms interrupts, seeking an interview. Could Chavo be behind those dastardly notes? "I don't need to leave any stinkin' notes for the Hurricane. I'm gonna terrorize him personally in that ring tonight - and then, I'm gonna take his title! You tell that to your little friend, Gregory."
" 'You think I’m a witch/I flew in on my broom/if your looking to find me/I’m in your locker room.' Of course, where else would she be?!" Another Hurricane note
"You're wondering who I am / Well this is just a peek / The mystery will be over / When I reveal myself next week"
Nidia: "Stand back, there's a Hurricane comin' through! Hahahahaha!"
Nidia: "Stand back, there's a soon to be ex champion coming through!"
Lillian Garcia "What are your thoughts on Spike Dudley's position as the WWF's number one underdog?"
"You got a cool costume, you got a cool mask, you 7 feet tall, and you ain't fighting crime?! Whassupwitdat?!" Hurricane to Kane
Coach: "Do you think Michael Jackson turns into a superhero when he puts on his mask?"
Jamie Noble to Charlie Haas: "Word of advice: Whatever you do, don’t let Rico get you from behind!"
"Bill Alfonso spraying cold water over the back of RVD now trying to revive him.... not exactly working.... he is now unconcious and wet" - Joey Styles
''It should be noted that Kid Kash's jaw is broken, it is wired shut but he refused to take time off" - Styles
Joey Styles: "Little Guido on spaghetti legs right now."
"Feel it, JR, feel this moment! For the rest of your life, feel it!" Paul Heyman
Paul Heyman on RAW: "Eric [Bischoff], you keep making mistake over and over and over and over again. You keep making this about me. It's not about Paul Heyman. It's about E-C-W .... So help me god, on my children's soul, I'll tell you ECW never backed down to anyone."
"If I wanted this type of aggravation, I'd have gotten married by now!" -- Paul E. Dangerously - January 1993
"Tonight, we have a chance to say... 'You're right. We're too extreme, we're too wild, we're too out of control, we're too full of our own shit.' Or, we have a chance to say... 'Fuck you! You're wrong. Fuck you! We're right.' Because you all have made it to the dance... and believe me, this is the dance." - Paul Heyman before the first ECW PPV.
Paul Heyman reading from his written apology to Undertaker: “I’m all alone! I’m like a little lamb lost in the wilderness!”
Heyman, as the RAW audience boos him: "Thank you for your irrelevant welcome!"
Heyman, as the RAW audience continues to boo him:"You really attract a classy audience, Eric!"
Heyman: "Have fun on RAW, Nidia, hope you get blind again!"
”You are the WWE Champion, it’s everything you ever wanted to be in life!” - Heyman, trying to calm Eddie.
”I can not subject SmackDown to a claim of racial discrimination!” - Heyman’s reasoning for canceling the first match for having no Japs in it.
Paul Heyman, to John Cena: "I want you off of my show, you contemptible piece of Boston crap!"
”They won’t look at you and say ‘Who’s Next?’ They will look at you and say, ‘Who’s Goldberg?’ ” - Paul Heyman, to Bill Goldberg from Monday Night RAW
”You think I sweat you?“ - Heyman, to Cena
Heyman, calling Vince McMahon out: "You stole Bret Hart's dream and with that money bought yourself and aeroplane with WWF all over it!"
Paul Heyman (in Philly) "Yea, tho' I walk through the valley of the extreme, I fear not reprisals from my enemies, for I walk with the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar. You see, Brock Lesnar and I have a very keen interest in the main event at Vengeance - The Undertaker vs. Kurt Angle vs. The Rock for the Undisputed Championship - because whoever leaves Vengeance with the title will be the sacrifical lamb at SummerSlam in the champion vs. champion match against Brock Lesnar...or haven't you heard the news? You see, the match at Vengeance between the Next Big Thing Brock Lesnar and Rob van Dam is now for the intercontinental championship. And let me go on record right now by saying not only will Brock Lesnar decimate Rob van Dam at Vengeance, but Brock Lesnar will leave Vengeance the intercontinental champion. And you see, ladies and gentlemen, I...I can make that prediction, I can make that evaluation because right here in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - like you had anything to do with it, I MADE Rob van Dam. I CREATED RVD! Better yet, to be honest with everybody, Brock, I didn't just create RVD, I exploited RVD - just like I exploited the Dudleys, just like I exploited Tommy Dreamer, and Rhyno, and Tajiri, all to satiate the bloodthirsty appetite of *these* Philadelphia animals. Because, Brock Lesnar, the moral of this story is, it was these Philadelphia animals that crowned me the Mad Scientist, they called me, Brock, a genius. And because the animals in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania called me a genius, I was able - I was able to sign the man that will dominate this industry for the next ten to twenty years, I was able to sign Brock Lesnar. All by exploiting the blood--"
Brock "We're goin' into Hogan's locker room."
Brock to Sara "Life's a bitch."
Brock Lesnar: "Where's Funaki? Does he have the night off?"
Marc Lloyd: "I don't know."
Brock Lesnar: "See, me and Funaki, we go way back. You see Funaki, you tell him I said hi. As far as Big Show...he wants an answer, huh? I'll be happy to give him an answer. I'm not too hard to find. After all...YOU found me, Sherlock."
"Give up like you always do!" -- Brock Lesnar to Eddie Guerrero at No Way Out.
"If you'd just had a few more of my Mattributes and just a little more Mattitude then you wouldn't have suffered such an unfortunate twist of fate." - Matt to Brock about losing the WWE Title at Survivor Series
”Look at yourself! A 350lb Wooly Mammoth losing to a 175lb human being.” - Brock, to A-Train, referring to his loss to Shannon Moore
”I’m talking to you, you little jumping bean.” - Brock Lesnar, to Rey Mysterio
”Ok guys, let’s go. 1, 2, 3. Wait. I’m sorry. I forgot. Uno, Dos, Tres..” - Brock Lesnar conducting the Mariachi band
”They swam a hell of a long way to perform for you Eddie!” - Brock, referring to the Mariachi band
"D - Von, get the muffins!" Perry Saturn
"British people fight dragons so they don't get all firey." Perry Saturn
Nowinski "Just answer the question - you've dated Molly and yet you could never...seal the deal?"
Nowinski "Well, things between Molly and myself have been going great. And I'm sure that our chemistry outside the ring will translate INTO the ring tonight. And after Bubba and Trish go bursting through tables, I'm going to celebrate later tonight by bursting through something else - and of course by something else, I mean.. Molly's hymen."
Chris Nowinski "As a fellow Tough Enough and Harvard graduate, I couldn't help but overhear. Now if anyone's living in a fantasy world, it's you, Trish. I mean, what's the deal with that cowboy hat, anyway? Is it mandatory for everyone in this company to have the mental acumen and dress like they're coming from a seven year old's birthday party?"
“I can show my ass, but I can also kick ass” Trish to Terri
"Paddle this, bitch!" - Trish's response to Torrie Wilson trying to seduce Jeff Hardy with a paddle.
Trish: “I’m hurt. I fell for Chris Jericho and believed the things he said.”
William Regal: "I will consider you for a title shot, but that depends on one small thing. You have to win first."
Trish: "Wow, that's gigantic!"
Big Show "See it says 'Big Show' and it's got an arrow, and it's pointing down to my, ahh..."
Trish: "Howard, I have something for you. [She slaps him] THAT was for Lilian."
Howard Finkel "Hold on, hold on honey! Hold on! Two weeks ago, you slapped me in the face! Last week, you pushed me into a pool of mud! Now just because you're in an arena of Long Island skanks, doesn't give you the right to think that you're hot stuff and interrupt me!"
Trish in Montreal: "I'm sorry, I can't understand you, uh, you must be speaking French. *coughing* Excuse me, it seems I have a frog in my throat. And apparently, there's about 10,000 frogs surrounding me right now."
"I wore white, because I knew you couldn't *wink*" --Trish to Lita at her wedding
Sunny: "I bet all the guys came to see me! And all the girls came to see you!"
"Sunny, without a doubt, you've got the nicest pair... of tag team wrestlers I've seen in a while." -- Mr. Perfect
Josh Matthews: "What term is more offensive: redneck, hick or inbred?"
"You sure you're black, dawg?" Booker T to Coach
Suzuki: "Can you dig that Sucka?"
Booker T talking to Kenzo Suzuki: “Look man, I was talking about the person in charge of Smackdown, not
somebody in charge of some late night sushi bar at the Tokyo Inn!”
Booker T "...I mean, havin' sex with a dead body. Who the hell has sex with a dead body???"
Booker T "Look man - don't come in here with that breathin' crap. I already TOLD you, we're not teamin' up tonight - it's ME against RVD."
Goldust "I say, old chap, bloody good show, guvnah, bloody good show."
"Goldie, Goldie, Goldie, my brother - mah brothuh - my strong, assertive, somewhat perverted tag team partner, no I'm not mad. 'cause the King says picture this! That snaggy-tooth, gap-toothed Wolverine! Against the five-time WCW Champeen! Oh my brother - only in America, only in America, now can you dig THAT - suckaaaaaaaaaaa!" Booker T (dressed up as Don King)
"I'm gonna kick ya where the good Lord split ya." Booker T to Scott Hall
Goldust "Crikey! Hello everyone, it's me! The Crocodile Hunter! Off on another safari of fun and adventure! Now normally, I would be in the swamps with the crocodiles everywhere, but tonight we are going to a much worse place, a more vile nasty place than you've ever seen - the NWO locker room, c'mon! Now remember, we have to be VERY QUIET, even though there's no one at home, the NWO, they tend to travel in packs, and they can be VERY SCARY, but let's go anyway. Big Show is napping with a beauty mask covering his eyes. By crikey, look at this! Look at this! It's the Giant Sleeping Shoppopotamus! These creatures are ENOURMOUS, so big, oh, but they SMELL - good grief, they smell like...like kangaroo crotch sack! (inhales - Goldust voice) ohhhhh gnarly."
Goldust "Danger, danger, danger, Booker! You've tamed this old greasy RAT - I knew our plan would work..."
Goldust "Peharps. But like you said...if I'm goin' down...like a rugged young Jon Bon Jovi in Young Guns 2, well then I'm goin' (inhales) down...in a blaze...of glory..."
Booker T "Man...I'm too old for this shit..."
Josh Matthew: "Whats more entertaining? Wet T-shirt or mud wrestling?" Josh: "Do you realize that when walking down the street, people look at you and probably see you naked?"
Rene Dupree, to Fifi: "The most beautiful woman on Smackdown, at least for an American, Torrie Wilson. She’s not as beautiful as you, though."
Torrie Wilson "Umm, what are you doing?"
Stacy, after Terri said Stacy may have the assets but Terri's got pillows: "At least my PILLOWS are 100% natural!"
Ivory: "So Mae Young, you strap on your Depends, 'cause you're gonna need 'em when I knock every bit of your regularity outta you tonight!"
Ivory: "You're ALL perverts You're ALL just a bunch of perverts! And I am not gonna have anything to do with this bikini contest, stupid T&A smut show."
"I am no barbie doll wrestler!" - Ivory
"Thank you, Steven. I have seen the light. Thanks to Steven Richards and the Right to Censor, I am - have been helped to realize what I have always known in my heart...that I am a woman, and I enjoy being a woman. But, ladies, we have been jaded! We have been led to believe that low-cut blouses, with breasts billowing out, is sexy! We have been led to believe that short, tight skirts that expose the mid-to-upper thigh is what men wanna see! Well that is totally unacceptable! REAL men - they wanna see real women. They want to know real women for the real beauty they truly possess inside - not on the outside. Look at the two of you! You've not only been stripped of your clothing, but you've been stripped of your pride! It's just not right, and you know what? I am here to speak up for all the women of America. The World Wrestling Federation has not been responsible enough in censoring such activities, so I, as a woman, am speaking up for all of you women out there, and I say NO MORE." - Ivory
"Excuse me, I have an announcement. Now many of the superstars here at the World Wrestling Federation - they don't realize the incredible responsibility in being role models to it's viewers...the Hardyz and Lita being a perfect example. Jeff and Matt, the clothes that you wear, the color of your hair, the company that you keep is not only disgracing you but it's a disgrace to all the people that look up to you. You are judged by the company that you keep - and the company you keep is CHEAP. Lita, the fact that you would even compete in a bra and panties competition makes my stomach sick. Your apparel is appalling. The tops of your underwear coming out of from the top of your pants - well, it sends the message that all women are just objects, and that cannot be tolerated! You should all be ashamed of yourselves! And your actions should and will be censored here tonight!" - Ivory
"In the USA, women who wrestle are not taken seriously. You have to be 'hot' and oh, if you can wrestle too, that's cool. We can go out and kill ourselves, but at the end of the night, maybe it doesn't matter." -- April Hunter
"I supposed making this statement is what gets me called a "bitch" but despite the fact that I was born with a vagina, I really don't like to sit back quietly and let others take advantage of me." -- April Hunter, Feb. 2005 Commentary
"I wouldn't do anything different. Every mistake and every success made me the person I am today. And I am proud of who I am." Dawn Marie
Dawn Marie, to Lance Storm in ECW: "My man is a real professional ath-a-lete... can we go get something to eat now, baby?"
"You know I'm a lady, but when you get me mad, I can be as hardcore as Sabu or Taz!" -- Dawn Marie - May 1999
"If you leave, that's it, I'm going to be on your ankles. I'm going to be strapped around your legs pulling you back and you know I can't get fired working for another company cause I reallly wouldn't be working for them because I wouldn't be getting paid. I'd just be dragging you back." -Dawn Marie, in reference to Lance Storm leaving ECW
"Success is when you wake up in the morning and enjoy what you do for a living." -As her character Tammy Lynn Bytch in ECW
"ECW's legacy will be as the company who took all the mistfits that nobody else wanted, and created stars." - Dawn Marie
"You know why there were only 220 Mexicans at the Alamo? They only had one car." Bobby H
Eric Bischoff - "I'm not a wrestler. Have you ever heard me come out here and say I could wrestle?"
"You know, Steve, you do have a point. I mean he's got to be wondering what in the world is going on. He's paying me to live my fantasy. I mean, I did make out with Stephanie and Linda and I'm getting the paycheck. I tell ya. I got this other fantasy. It's been going on for a few months now. It starts out in Stamford. It involves Stephanie and…he's standing right behind me, isn't he?" - Eric Bischoff, to Austin about Vince.
Eric Bischoff in 1995: "Bob Holly...is he still around?"
"You love me. You hate me. But you'll never forget me." Diamond Dallas Page
"Why look. It's Sara! Where's your husband, Sara? Are you ALL alone at home, Sara? Well don't worry - I'm further away than it looks - have a nice long lens in my camera, but if I wanted to get up close...I could. It's pretty obvious Sara loves animals. I like people who love animals. Oh, look - Sara's going inside. Where she THINKS it's safe." DDP's stalker angle
Viscera to Tori: "You wanna be my ho?"
"You know Chris, you are pretty funny! I mean, you amuse me! Jericho, you're, you're caddy! Your comments are caddy; you remind me of a girl! And you see Jericho, it's always your mouth that's getting you into trouble. Because any time you have ever insulted me, you are the one you pays! You are the one who winds up with your body hitting the floor! And I remember numerous occasions when my husband, Triple H, has beaten you like the blonde bitch you are!" Stephanie
Stephanie: "You (Tazz) can call your wife whatever you want, but I'm not 'honey' to you."
Stephanie "You know everything about you Canadians is completely backwards. I mean you can't even form a simple sentence without ending it with a question. Let's take, for example, the very simple statement: 'My, Stephanie, you are looking dashing in that brand new outfit, eh?' I mean, the whole point of ending a statement with a question is just grammatically backwards."
"I'll scream if I want it!" Stephanie McMahon to Edge
Stephanie to Rico "Rico...please understand, it's not that I don't want to be a part of the commitment ceremony - it's that I have really... REALLY bad luck at weddings of any type, and I just don't wanna be a jinx."
Billy: "Stephanie, we just wanna set the record straight - so to speak. Now we loved gettin' back at Rosey & Jamal on RAW. And we're gonna love beatin' 'em this Sunday. But after that, I mean, I can't speak for Chuck, but things are a little cloudy for me...Billy Gunn. I mean, there's a couple different ways I can go here. One way is I can stay teamed up with Chuck - another way is I can pursue my singles career. So what I'm sayin' is--"
Los Guerreros and Rey Mysterio quotes
”In fact, we just wanted to tell you your grandmother is the best house keeper money can buy.” - Charlie Haas, to Los Guerreos.
Charlie Haas: "There’s no divide and conquer here. I mean, we’re the world’s greatest tag team!"
Lee Marshall: "Chavo is a few mariachis short of a fiesta."
"Fear Kaientai or we will come to you in your sleep and steal your hats" Taka to Lo Down
"Oh Tazz, Mr Red Hook, your words, they amuse me. 2 Fools, clever. By replacing the letter 'T' with the letter 'F', you have completely changed their name, therefore it is funny, hahahaha, well done my thug friend!" Taka
Funaki (Smackdown! #1 announcer): "Fuanki... feel... dirty..."
"When you go down on the Cena Safari, are you afraid of the venom of the Great White Trouser Snake?!" -- Cena to Maria Kanellis
"John, you're facing Snitsky in a Lumberjack match tonight. Are you nervous about getting hit by an axe or by any falling trees?" -- Maria
Maria: "Rene Dupree...two weeks ago, you called yourself "Simply Phenomenal." What did you mean by that?"
Rene: "You're like every typical American girl. Nice smile...beautiful eyes...IQ of oooh...say..."
"You cancelled the Smackdown match. You also changed your own match. So, I was wondering...do you think I'll get get fired tonight?" -- Maria to Eric Bischoff
Maria to Chris Jericho: "I love Fozzy the Bear! Will the other Muppets be there? Miss Piggy? Kermit?"
Maria: "I’m here on Sunday Night Heat with Johnny Parmisi? Parchisi? Pepperoni?"
Billy to Lilian's question: "That's a good questions. Lemme think about that for a second - uhhh, payback, uhhh, revenge, uhh, hell all of the above. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK'S GOING THROUGH MY HEAD?"
“Want some bitch cakes, I mean crab cakes Billy?” Big Show
"Its, like... is an HONOR for you to sit there and shave my ass!" Billy Gunn to Janet the makeup lady
"If you haven't noticed, we've been kinda busy" – Billy Gunn, while sitting by Road Dogg
Road Dogg "We bleed neon green"
"I got it. You are applying for a job at Foot Locker!" -- Road Dogg to Billy Gunn wearing a referee shirt
"In the immortal words of Judas Priest, 'You got another thing coming!' " - Jesse James
"The outcome is always the same, us on top, them on bottom. And no, that's not my sexual preference" Road Dog clearing stuff up for us
Road Dogg: "Every foe or fan, Isn't it grand? Cuz we are the men, And if you don't like that, You can--
Road Dogg At Backlash 1999 "Billy, for old times sake...show them that ass!"
Road Dogg At Summerslam 1999 to Y2J "Y'know, I'm almost scared to say this cause I'm scared ya might take me up on it, but I've got two words for ya! Suck it!"
Road Dogg "Y’know, Sir William, these belts give us a certain style! All the while, sportin’ a smile, and kickin’ that shiz-up dog-gy-style!”
Chuck "Billy...when I first met you, the only thing I knew was that you were a great tag team competitor...and well, your name...{checks him out} was Mr. Ass {checks him out again} But Bill, now it's more than - than Mr. Ass. Bill, I know you've won the tag team gold on, on numerous occasions - but Billy, now you've captured something even more, something greater...something unbelievable...Billy...you've captured my heart."
Godfather, at B&Cs Wedding "I'm sorry...I'm sorry. But when I heard that there was a party goin' on here...I *knew* that Minneapolis, Minnesota -was the next stop for the HOOOOOO TRAIN! So let the good times roll because The Godfather is back in business! Now Rico...I, The Godfather, does dig your fashion sense - but I can't let that stop me from stoppin' this ceremony. Because the truth must be heard! Billy...Billy. What happened? Man, I know that you still got the pimp in ya, man! Billy...I remember, ha ha, that these fine fine fine fine fine fine fine FINE ladies used to like you so much that I had to ask you to stay away because the cookies were giving up too much free nookie! And Chuck, what's up with your image? You were one of the great legenrday skirt chasers of all time, dawg! You were one of the badass Palumbo brothers! You weren't too particular, though...well, ya see - ol' Chucky P., he used to like the heftier ladies of the stable if ya know what I mean. But listen here, guys, guys, guys, listen. It leads me to ask one question. What in the HIZZELL is goin' on in here?"
"The priest" "Then by the power vested in me... Billy is looking *really* nervous now I pronounce you.."
"Stop, stop, stop. I have been a justice of the peace for a long time, and there's one thing that I know, and that's that a commitment is a very special thing. The bond that Chuck & Billy have is sacred. And that will never change. It doesn't matter if it lasts fifty years...sixteen months... or three minutes. WAIT A MINUTE. Did I just hear myself say...'three minutes?'" 'The Priest' otherwise known as Bischoff
“I guess we’re gonna have a little date tonight. And Al, don’t be late. (air kiss)” - Chuck to Al Snow
Rico, about John Cena: "Look at that hair! And that colour scheme! Puh-lease!"
"We'll be on Mr. America like baked on ziti!" -- Johnny "The Bull" Stamboli
Question: "Who is a better opponent, Low Ki or Christopher Daniels?"
"Sorry spankadettes Spanky is spoken for. I was actually able to trick a gal into thinking I was worth while. It took a lot of convincing and a lot of roofies but I got myself a dame that I haven't even once considered pushing down the stairs."Brian Kendrick
Q: "How does one get a nickname like 'Spanky,' anyway?"
Q: "When you streaked in your nike shox, was it ... um... cold in the building?"
Question @ NWATNA.com: "Did it piss you off when people started chanting "carrot top" at Red during your match with him?"
Batista: "Champ, I mean, you know... Do whatever you want, but I think I should get him first. I mean, I had to take the guy to Chuck E. Cheese!"
"Have you ever tried talking to someone who just ate 10 tacos with hot salsa and sour cream? Their breath could knock out a water buffalo. Well, imagine what the Disco Inferno has to go through when he wrestles Eddie Guerrero. I literally had to hold my breath for the entire match so I didn't pass out. I guess when people tell him he needs TOOTHPASTE, he thinks they are saying GOOD TASTE. And he responds, 'I already have some!' "
-- Disco Inferno
Sandman: "Politically incorrect and fucking proud of it!"
"It's very difficult to prepare to face the Sandman, because you never know if he will show up drunk, very drunk, or so drunk he doesn't know where the hell he is." -- Shane Douglas
Craig Pittman: "The beatings will continue until morale improves!"
"You told the kids to say their prayers. You told the kids to eat their vitamins. You told the kids to believe in themselves! Well, I sure hope they DO believe in themselves Hulk, because they sure CAN'T BELIEVE IN YOU!... You told all of these fans out here that they can stick it? No, Hulk... YOU stick it." Sting, after Hogan joined NWO.
Randy Savage: "OOOOOH YEAH-YAH!"
"We're gonna take a Russo and wipe our Bischoff!" -- Hulk Hogan
"As for me bumping into Midajah, you don't have to worry about that, I don't want her. To tell you the truth, no one does, that's why she's with you." Billy Kidman to "Big Poppa Pump" Scott Steiner
"For the people who believe, you don't have to explain, and for the people who don't believe, no explanation is good enough." -- Jeff Jarrett
"I was always taught that a woman's place was in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. And I'm a firm believer in that." -- Jeff Jarrett
Jeff Jarrett: "....Jurassic Slapass!"
Monty: "And who do you think you are now, Aristotle?"
"Those puppies are gonna stay in my doghouse, and I'll tell you when they can come out to play!" -- Jeff Jarrett to Debra
"Look Chyna, there's no being politically correct, so I'm just gonna say it. I am embarrassed to be getting in the ring at Unforgiven with a woman. I was always taught that a woman's place was in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant! I'm a firm believer in that!" -- Jeff Jarrett
"Don't hate the player, hate the game." -- Jeff Jarrett
Jeff Jarrett, at the Owen Hart Tribute RAW: "In this business, I guess you got a lot of acquaintances but very few friends. And Owen, he was one of those friends. He did a lot of funny stories, his personality, the things he used to do....and I told my wife a bunch of times about the last couple months I've been with Owen on the road....I see Owen more than I see her and my little girl. And he said the same thing. And now that he's not here, it's....you look at it almost selfishly. Owen, my buddy, my friend, not with me anymore. I know Owen's in a better place, life isn't cutting up. But when you really think about Owen's life, I think about integrity. Because in this business...it's cold, it's callous, it's selfish, it's self-serving, it's unrealistic, it's a fantasy world. But Owen was real. He was a man's man. His wife and kids.....are 3 of the luckiest people in the world, because he loved them more than anything in the world. And that's why he did what he did -- to provide for them. And he did it with integrity, and integrity in this business is few and far between. That's not a good thing to know, but it's the truth. And outside all of the laughs....because on the road, without the laughs, you know.....the fans get to see Owen 10-15 minutes a week, but when you see him 24 hours a day for 10 or 12 days at a time, he's one of the guys that made it fun. Made coming to work entertaining off the camera, and that's just as important as on the camera. Owen........I'll make the promise to you. 'Cause you've got 2 little kids and I've got a little one of my own, as they grow older, the only thing that they might have to find out what their dad was like is wrestling films. But I'll make the promise to myself...as the years go by, I'll do my best to let Oje and Athena really know what a great man you were, Owen. That's it...I can't....I don't know...."
Jeff Jarrett: "This one's on the record, Owen was never a nugget."
"I'm a nice guy. I'm cool as hell. I will not say anything out of in anyway to hurt anybody's feelin's but if you start shooting on me, I'll shoot back." -- Kid Kash, Shoot Interview 2001
""I can work with a broomstick and make that motherfucka look good, you know what I'm sayin'? If I wanted too..." -- Kid Kash, Shoot Interview 2004
"The only thing that mattered to me was that I was the toughest little boy in EVERY CLASS!!!" -- Kid Kash
"..You think I suck? You should see this chick [Trinity] go at it!" – Kid Kash to a fan while on the mic
"Wait a minute, woah, woah, you wanna wrestle her? She's a girl!! A girrrrrrrrl! Hello? Can you heard the words, see it? Coming out of my mouth? See it? A girl! Unlike you, I'm a gentleman, you little prick!" -- Kid Kash to Amazing Red who wanted to fight Trinity
"Booker, I respect you. But I don't respect your wife. That's because she doesn't go the buffet line once, she doesn't go to the buffet line twice, she goes 5 times, 5 times, 5 times!" -- Simon Dean
Eugene: "Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Tito Santana!"
Larry: "I'm gonna stretch 'em like a rubber band!"
Tom Arnold, Best Damn Sports Show, Ever! interviewed some little kids, who said Sting was their
favorite wrestler: "Do you think The Police will ever get back together?"
"Y'know, Luna... sometimes you're just too weird for me." Gangrel to Luna backstage after Luna wanted to become one of Godfather's ho's ^__^
"It really pisses me off when I hear the “victim” b.s. William Regal and Eddie Guerrero are good friends of mine. Both will tell you the only way you are going to “be saved” is when you want to “be saved.” In Atlanta, there is a great place to learn about addiction and what comes along with it. The Talbott Recovery Campus is a place where doctors and lawyers along with other “professional people” go for intense treatment. One of the first things you learn is accept responsibility for your actions. You’re taught to take it one day at a time. As with anything, it doesn’t happen overnight. If you’ve been at sea for 20 years and suddenly come to shore, it’ll take a while getting used to standing on solid ground. But, for Chrissakes, don’t blame Vince and the business for your problems! Regal finally realized life is better when you can actually remember what you did the night before. So did Eddie. So did I.
Heidenreich: "I like what you do to babies."
Heidenreich: “Like? I don’t like caskets! I hate them!”
Snitsky: “I know... I know you hate caskets. I don’t like them either. But I do like you John.”
Heidenreich: “I like you too Gene. But I still hate caskets.”
Snitsky: “I know. I know Jon. But I have an idea.”
Heidenreich: “You do?”
Snitsky: “Yeah.”
Heidenreich: “Okay.”
Nate Webb: "No, I went out there with out my shirt on earlier, I was all jacked. Did you see that?"
AJ Styles: "No, I missed it…"
Nate Webb: "Because you were busy rubbing oil on Matt Sydal’s back…"
Big Show: "Playing professional football, or being one incredible Chippendale dancer!"
"What the hell's going on in here?" Blackman, swinging his nun-chucks
"Nothing. What, do you sleep with those damn things?"
"Sometimes." Blackman says as Show walks away
"My father?" Big Show
"That's right."
"Man, don't you know my father's dead?"
"Here, hold this." Goldust hands the helmet to Big Show. "Big Show - *I* am your father." And then he smacks him with his (plastic) light saber
Bartender: "Tequila?"
Ron Killings: "No orange juice!"
Bartender: "No Tequila!"
Ron Killings: "That's how you say orange juice in Mexican?"
Austin: "Violence is not the answer!"
Steve Austin: “What do you mean.. you did them all?”
Steve Austin: "That was the absolute worst catch phrase I've ever heard in the history of Monday Night Raw!"
"I love it! I love it... I take it all back, Mick; that's a crazy son of a bitch out there." Austin
D-Von: "I don’t have one."
Bubba: "D-Von."
D-Von: "Now, how you gonna say that, I just said I ain’t had one?"
Bubba: "Well, 10 years alongside you, ya know..."
D-Von: "You know what, in addition to not liking him [Todd], I’m not liking you now either. I thought we were supposed to be together. Brothers!"
Bubba: "We are together -- I’m the man, you’re the woman!"
Bubba Ray Dudley: "You're just moody because you're smaller than all my elves!"
Beulah "Hey Buh Buh, I've had one beer, and I think you're actually thin!"
Bubba Ray Dudley: "Tommy Dreamer, because I could cut him open, like Han Solo cut open the Tauntaun in The Empire Strikes Back, and if it got cold, I could climb inside him. And if it got warm, I could eat him for survival, because he has a lot of flesh on him."
Bubba "Yeah. I do have a problem."
HHH "Yeah - I'd say you do - I can see it in your eyes. It's the same look I'm gonna to see in everybody else's eyes when I walk through that locker room, isn't it? It's a look of jealousy. You're jealous. You know something? When you're as good as I am - when you're The Game, you get used to people lookin' at you like that - you get used to jealous expressions comin' your way. When you're That Damn Good, it's an everyday occurrence. But I'll tell you what - just keep that look. Unlike Brock Lesnar, there's no need for you to be jealous - 'cause I'm gonna give you the opportunity just like I'm gonna give it to everybody else, all you've gotta do, kid (pats his shoulder) - stand in line, and you'll get your shot at bein' the world heavyweight champion."
Bubba grabs his arm "You got it all wrong, man. This ain't the look o' jealousy - this is the look of HUNGER. The same hunger that every other guy in this RAW locker room has...the hunger to be the best in this business. The hunger to one day have the opportunity to be the world heavyweight champion - an opportunity that Brock Lesnar walked out with last week. You see, Hunter - that belt - that belt that Bischoff just gave to you - the belt that you so *proudly* wear on your shoulder right now...that belt is our salvation - and as far as that smug look on your face is concerned, heh heh, if I was you, I'd wipe it off...because one day somebody like me is gonna come along and SMACK IT OFF. And then one day *I* will be world heavyweight champion. Now if you'll excuse me - Champ - I gotta go and put somebody through a table."
JR "Those damn Dudleys."
Lawler "Those who?"
JR "They got no business out here, King."
Lawler "Who are they?"
JR "Those damn Dudleys."
Lawler as the Dudley Boyz come out to observe the Tag Title match "You'd better hope they don't come over here, J.R., and hear you say that."
Buh Buh "In your face! THAT's where I need to be!"
Lawler "Now YOU'RE stuttering!"
Test: "Protection? Go down to the drug store and get your own."
Test "Gee, I dunno, Stace, what DO I have?"
Stacy "Yeah - you have TESTICLES!"
Test groans "You have GOT to be kidding me."
Stacy "No! As your marketing person, when I get done with you, your *testicles* are going to be huge."
Test: "No, the guy that got my leftovers!"
Test "Thank God - just to think, I coulda woken up to this every morning."
"Who's Lou?" LMAO! Poor confused Test!
William Regal: "Am I ok? Am I o-bloody-k? What do you think? I’ll be fine. But Raven won’t. Would you inform that scruffy individual that at WrestleMania Seventeen he’s in a Triple Threat Match with Kane and The Big Show? Now you can go. Go on go! And get a bloody janitor while you’re at it. Go on, sod off!"
Big Show "About seven feet."
Bradshaw: "And how much do you weigh?"
Big Show "Uh...a little over three tons."
Bradshaw to the Big Show who was looking for a tag team to fight with, for a 3 on 2 match vs Kane and Undertaker "And you want our help? *Laughs* You've got to be kidding!"
Bradshaw “A check?!”
Faarooq “Okay, but listen. If that check bounces, so do you.”
Crowd "SUCK IT!"
Faarooq "Ass-kickin'."
Who's afraid of the Big Bad Show?
Obviously it's not me, so I don't know
I guess the only question left to answer would be 'which way did he go?'
... So that was the end of our little dance
As the Big Show took a ride in the waaaaaambulance." Shane rapping
Shane: "Yeah I'm your son, but I'm not your little boy any more. I'm a man and I stand in this ring as a man. I'm no longer your boy, Dad. I'm proud of who I am. I am proud of the person I have become. My name is Shane McMahon, and for 28 years, for 28 years I've finally built up enough courage to face you hear today, to stand up to YOU! I guess now you have something to be proud of me about, don't you Dad, because I finally stood up to you and I had the BRASS to do it! Isn't it ironic, I guess I'm just like you after all, isn't that right Dad?"
Now Shane had a dad that was angry and crass
Because at WrestleMania, Shane kicked his dad's ass
Shane's dad was sore; he could barely walk,
So he called Shane out for a father/son talk
They stood in the ring, face to face and toe to toe
When Vince called out for the giant Big Show
"Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum
I'm seven foot tall, but me plenty dumb"
Show grabbed Shane by the neck, picked him up off the mat
Then chokeslammed Shane down with a ferocious splat
Vince grinned from ear to ear upon seeing the crash
Said you two will compete this Sunday at Backlash
Once the match started, the giant looked high and low
But he couldn't find Shane - which way did he go?
Up to the top of the mighty beanstalk
The people were stunned - they could barely talk
The fairy tale ends with a might crash landing
And when it was all said and done...Shane-O Mac was the Last...Man...Standing."
Bobby Heenan: "I think so. They’ll probably call it ‘The Ghet-to'."
Shelton: "*looks down at himself*"
Malenko: "Perry, what the hell are you talking about? It was a figure of speech."
Saturn: "MY POINT EXACTLY!"
Joey Styles "What?"
Stevie: "Babe!"
Stevie Richards: "Brock Lesnar, because Brock would F-5 the sharks so I could swim back to the mainland."
Stevie (doing 'Kiss'): “FREEBIRD!”
Female in the audiance “TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF NEXT!”
Jacqueline interrupts "Excuse me? Whatchoo sayin' 'bout Jazz? She's cute and cuddly? Come on, give me a break!"
Steven "Ohhh - oh, I get it! You're jealous of Jazz! You wanna hook up with me, Jackie - you wanna be with Steven Richards, isn't that right?"
Flair "You talkin' to me?"
Steven Richards "Yeah - yeah, I'm talkin' to you. Because it's guys like you - like the legend, Ric Flair, who quite frankly if you want my honest opinion, you haven't looked that legendary as of late, Ric. It's guys like YOU that have taken the spotlight away from Steven Richards! Yeah, I have a problem with that - because your time has passed. Your run - your last big run - is over."
Flair "Steven Richards, say no more. I'd like you tonight, and if my run is to end, let's end it right now - I don't think you're man enough to end ANYTHING that's got my name on it."
Spike and Terri (at the same time): "Nothing!"
One of the women "Actually, my name is Terry--"
Steve Blackman "WHO CARES! I can't get a meal in, I can't get in the shower, and THAT one eats in her sleep! Just what the hell did you tell these people?"
Grandmaster "Hey, man - I told them to send the flyest, the hippest, the phattest girls--"
Steve Blackman "The WHAT?"
Grandmaster "The phattest, you know, Pretty Hot And Tempting? But as you can see, these girls are definitely FAT, Steve! Hey man, watch this, watch - hey girls, look, chocolate!" *He throws a handful of candy into the air and they scatter.*
Blackman "Well YOU'LL never know."
Tommy Dreamer: "My family and I would drive down to Florida and spend our vacations at Disney World, and I'd usually catch some Florida Championship Wrestling if it was somewhere nearby."
Tommy Dreamer Q&A:
CM Punk: "It's a natural thing. It's menstrual. It's also why I'm in a bad mood and cut such mean promos."
New Jersey ROH Crowd: “Now go home! Now go home!”
PWI Magazine "But Spike Dudley went through the same thing, and he didn't become this ultra - serious automaton. As far as I can tell, he still enjoys his job and still comes to work every day with a smile on his face."
Jazz "I guess that you never noticed that Spike's not all there, have you?"
"You know what, Simon? I am sick and tired of you havin' a problem in every town we're going to." -- Jazz - November to Remember '99
Jerry Lynn: "...No... I'm allergic to pain."
Storm: "Thats from Calgery Alberta Canada..."
Justin: "Now thats Justin Credible!"
RVD: "A little too seriously if you ask me, Lance. You know, all that built up tension, that's not healthy. What you need to do is lighten up."
Al Snow: "Actually, Mikey Whipwreck and Spike Dudley gave me head while I was in ECW."
Lance, after a beat: "That's... not ... good."
"Really." Kidman
"Don't think it's gonna work for ya." Storm.. being helpful
"Huh. Well thanks for the heads up. You know, coming from you, especially, because it's not everybody that can be as...exciting, and charismatic and captivating as you out there. And aside from all that energy you're oozin' out there, can I just say that you DO have the greatest haircut in all the WWE - see ya out there." Kidman
Christian "Get out of here! ...Today, July the fourth, America celebrates Independence Day. Well let me ask you all a question: do you even know why you're celebrating? Well, considering the ignorance of the America youth, you probably think of Independence Day as the day Will Smith saved the world from a buncha aliens!"
Lance Storm "But let me tell you what REALLY happened. America was founded as British colonies. And in 1776, America declared itself an independent country, and turned its back on Britain! Now that's gratitude for ya. But America could only contain its aggression within its own boundaries for so long. Ultimately, America released its warlike hostilities on the rest of the world. There was World War I! World War II! The Korean War! Tell me, America - what right did you have to be in Korea? ["Ass hole!"] What right did you have to be in Vietnam? Vietnam - it's a bit of a touchy subject, isn't it? Why? Because you were defeated! You Americans are such hypocrites! You don't like me out here telling you the truth. You don't wanna hear what the rest of the world has to say. That's funny, how that contradicts your very own Constitution! The First Amendment speaks of freedom of expression - a freedom of speech... but you Americans don't really wanna hear what other countries have to say about you."
Test: "Other countries say America is the most hypocritical nation in the world! The rest of the world...hates America. WE...hate...America. So for your birthday, America, dig this."
All: "AMERICA SUX!"
Nash: "-nods-"
Booker T: "You want headlines - you want headlines? I'll give you some headlines. 'NWO / has got to go / they ain't stars / they just blow.'"
Goldust: "You think you boys are tight? There is nobody tighter than Booker T and Goldust in the WWE! We are the boys! We are homies! And by God, hell, we're practically married!"
Booker: "Now what the hell is wrong witchoo? Man, we ain't married, coupled, do you get me? I'll tell you what - you want some, I'll give it to you right here tonight. Any one o' them suckas, in the ring, with The Book, tonight, in this ring!"
"Yeah. So am I." RVD
RVD: "Ahhh...maybe 'cause you're a tool."
Big Show: "Look, I am 7'2". I am 500 pounds. I'm a giant."
RVD: "Oh ok. You're a giant tool."
Austin "Have I heard what?"
RVD "You haven't...hey, Debra!."
Austin "No!"
RVD "I might not be the one that should tell you. You seem a little worked up right now."
Austin "Is it good news or bad news?"
RVD "Oh...it's gonna be bad news for you, I think."
Austin "Nevermind. I don't wanna hear it."
RVD "Understood!"
Austin "RVD! What?"
RVD "You ready. Okay. Kurt Angle has checked himself outta the hospital."
Austin "Well good, I'm glad to hear he's okay. Thanks."
RVD "AND the rumour is he's headed right back here to the arena...so I just thought you should know."
Austin "I'm glad you told me, I hope he's wearin' his seat belt for his own safety. Thank you, RVD. You're a good man."
RVD "See ya later."
"Waffle!" RVD
RVD "Paul, congratulations, man, you lost some weight! What, are you on that Subway diet or something?"
Brock attempts to advance but Paul holds him back. "Whoa whoawhoawhoawhoawhoawhoa - easy, easy..."
RVD "I see you stuffin' your face with the sandwiches, it's really workin' for you!"
Heyman "Nah, it's okay - Rob and I go way, way back and he can talk to me that way, Brock! Because Rob knows in his heart that I'm the one that *made* RVD - and ever since I dumped you like a hot potato, Rob, I've now brought to the world the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar, and I wanted you to meet Brock Lesnar face to face, tonight, Rob. Because tonight when Brock Lesnar teams with Eddie Guerrero against you and Bubba Ray Dudley - finally in your heart you're gonna know what it's like to ONLY be RVD...and come face to face with the Next - Big - Thing."
RVD "I'm looking forward to it!"
Rob Van Dam: "Yeah, I heard that about you."
Heyman and Lesnar interrupt: "YOU SON OF A BITCH! Who the hell do you think you are? Do you realise that everything you have in this life you owe to me? Do you realise every opportunity you ever got, Rob van Dam, you owe to me? You mess with my client, do you know what my client is gonna do to you? Do you how my client thinks--"
Brock speaks!!!: "SHUT UP PAUL! ... Tonight, I'm gonna show you the meaning of 'ruthless aggression.' Let's go, Paul." Paul..shocked.. follows obediently
Willliam Regal "Yes it is, dear boy, but I'm afraid you won't find them here. Mr. Heyman is with Mr. Lesnar, who is cooling down after his victory over Ric Flair earlier this evening."
RVD "So he's already competed?"
Regal "I'm afraid so, but if you got here on time you might know these things."
RVD "Oh ho, dude, don't even mess with me today."
Regal "No! Don't you mess with me, sunshine. I'm not the one barging into other people's locker rooms, in a tizzy, looking for a fight! THAT was rude! You apologise."
RVD "Hmmm...you know, you're right. I *did* barge in here looking for a fight. Since I obviously can't get a hold of Brock Lesnar tonight, I'm gonna have to find someone else to fight. Hmm...someone like...maybe...you?"
Regal "Ah, a challenge. How wonderful. Consider it accepted. I'll go and get changed straight away. I look forward to it. One champion against another."
RVD "Cool. Oh, and Regal - I won't be apologising for barging in here - just like I won't be apologising after you're beat 1, 2, 3...courtesy of Rob-Van-Dam."
Heyman "You know, that's what I've always liked about you, Robbie - you got guts - more guts than brains, but ya got guts. That's the only reason why, RVD, I'm gonna do you this one favour. I have advised my client the Next Big Thing, Brock Lesnar NOT to come down to the ring and take you out tonight. However, I propose that we do this on a ah, (makes "money" finger rub) grander scale - I say RVD versus Brock Lesnar, three weeks from now at Vengeance - if - IF you got the guts!"
RVD "So we'll do it at Vengeance - that's cool with me. You know, a lot of competitors, they don't think they can beat you, Brock, well I'm not one of those guys. You may BE the Next Big Thing, but me - I'm Rob-Van-Dam!"
Spike, glares at Bischoff: "BITE ME." *he walks away*
RVD, watches him go: ".....See ya, Spike!"
Fonzie: "He's homocidal, suicidal, and genocidal baby."
RVD: "Right, right... but who's the whole fucking show??"
Hurricane Helms "You were wise to come to me, Citizen Saturn. For I will find the fiendish fiend who finagled your friend. Let me see this note. SO, the kidnappers want a hundred thousand dollars? Or a hundred grand. If I'm not mistaken, last week RAW was in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Seeing as the kidnapper didn't leave a name, they wanted their identity to be a secret...or mystery. And if my alphabet skills are correct, 'mystery' starts with M. That's M as in mystery, M as in Moppy, M as in...Matt Hardy. What's up with THAT?"
Perry Saturn "Matt, Matt, are you saying Matt Hardy knows something about Moppy?"
Hurricane Helms "My Hurrisense is telling me that young Matt Hardy is not what he seems to be. Good luck Citizen Saturn!"
Perry Saturn "You're welcome!"
Hurricane comes in and asks him if he's ready. Kidman says he feels like something's missing. Hurricane says what could be missing? You're the crusierweight champion. Kidman says he feels like no one knows who he is. Hurricane whispers in his ear.
Kidman: "You mean all I have to do is say how happy I am to be here in Houston, Texas? [crowd roars] Deep in the heart of the great state of Texas? [roar]"
Hurricane: "And how happy you are to be teaming with the Hurricane tonight! [silence...Hurricane gets miffed}
Kidman: "Thanks, I appreciate your help, but after I beat Tajiri at Backlash, I'll give people something to talk about. [leaves]"
Hurricane:"I'm sure you will citizen Kidman, just like I'm sure the Houston Astros will win the world series! [Crowd roars while Hurricane gives a goofy thumbs up and a grin.]"
Smelling something, Helms opens a nearby locker, to reveal: "By the power of Greyskull, another note. 'I'm not tall, and I'm not fat / but I left you a clue... (produces an opened bag of Bridgford beef jerky) ...what's up with that?'"
Hurricane "Nidia. Nidia, Nidia. The last person I need to see here."
Nidia "Now - now is that any way to greet me? Now - 'Nidia, thanks for all the lovely letters.' Or 'Nidia, FIRST EVER female Tough Enough champion.' Or 'Nidia, I've been wanting to thank ya for the BEST sex I ever had.' "
Hurricane "Looks like, uh, *somebody's* got a very HIGH opinion of themselves! Now listen, I don't know what your play is here, to be honest I don't care, but the Helms/Nidia relationship...that's way over. Dead over! I'm the Hurricane now - and I don't need that messed up by some Hurri(bitch)!"
Nidia "Hurri(bitch)! Is that what I am now, huh? The Hurri(bitch)!"
Hurricane "Yeah!"
Nidia "Listen here, Mr. Superhero. Your days as cruiserweight champion are about to end."
Hurricane "Yeah?"
Nidia "Yeah. I'm here to let you know, face to face, that I'm never gonna forgive you for dumping me. But more importantly, my boyfriend is comin' over here and he is gonna take that title away from you."
Hurricane "Oh really. Boyfriend. Singular, I hear. So you're limiting yourself to just one now. Well tell your 'boy' to take his best shot - and as for you, Nidia, I suggest you get out of this locker room before I THROW you out."
Nidia "Oh, Hurricane, let me introduce you to my boyfriend and future cruiserweight champion - Jamie Knoble!"
Hurricane: "Nidia, why don't you use your famous oral skills, and tell me where your friend Jamie Noble is...."
Nidia: "Ooo, I love a good confrontation, it really turns me on. But don't you worry Hurricane, you'll see my bf Jamie Noble soon enough."
Hurricane "You tell that haystack that the Hurricane will take him on anytime, anyplace.... *Hurricane is interupted when Nidia licks him on the cheek.*"
Hurricane "Underdog? I know Underdog. Spike Dudley is NO underdog! If the Green Lantern ever met the Underdog, he'd go, Lookitcha. Lookit your ears, lookit your big nose. He ain't even got no superpowers! Whassupwitdat?!"
Hurricane: "I think....yeah he turns into something, but not a superhero."
''Well Joey Styles, if your jaws ever hurts just tell me and I'll have the office arrange for me to fly solo'' - Cyrus
''Actually Cyrus, my back's hurting from carrying you the past 25 minutes'' - Styles
Cyrus: "Must you continue with these racist remarks?"
- ECW Heatwave 2000
Tommy Dreamer intrupts "Excuse me, excuse me - I was just listening in the back and I needed to come out here. You didn't make anybody! Every single person that busted their ass in ECW did it because they loved this business! And they love performing in front of these fans!"
Heyman "Are you done? Excuse me, Tommy Dreamer, I mean are you done? Because if you are done, maybe you can take your extreme reputation and go in the back eat some wacky things, or stick your head in the toilet and drink the water, or do something that you're *good* at now."
Dreamer "Before, I was the so-called crazy guy that ate strange things, I WAS the Innovator of Violence! And there is no beating that Brock Lesnar can give me that I can't take. So Brock, right now, if you want, let's take it - to the - EXTREME!"
Heyman "Why would we want to do that? That's not a good idea for us, Brock."
Brock "I'm goin' into Hogan's locker room to find out if he really, really wants to go through with this or not."
Heyman "I'm sure he does--"
Brock "PAUL - either you're in with this...or you're not. You make the call."
Heyman: "Oh, come on, let's just talk about this, listen to reason, this is not a good idea..."
Brock "So - you really wanna go through with this, huh? End your career tonight, lay it all on the line, get in the ring with the Next Big Thing, the guy that's goin' to SummerSlam for the WWE title, huh? Step in the ring, toe to toe with Brock Lesnar? Is that what you want?"
Hulk Hogan "You're so young. Full o' life, you got the world in the palm of your hand. No injuries, man, you got it made. But if *I* was you, I would lay it all on the line. I would put it all up for grabs, I'd prove the point you're tryin' to prove, if *I* was you - I would put my shot at the WWE title at SummerSlam, I'd put it on the line tonight. I would put that on the line, if I was you. But then again, you're not Hulk Hogan, are you?"
Brock "That's what you want, huh? That's what you - yeah - let's do it. Tonight!"
Heyman "What the hell did you just do?! Do you realise - do you realise what you just did? Brock, Brock - what the hell - are you out of your mind? Do you know who that man is - that is Hulk Hogan! Twenty years of defying the odds, don't think of this guy as the guy that slammed Andre the Giant, think of him as the legend who beat Triple H for the title just a few months ago. He ALWAYS overcomes adversity - that's his whole M.O. - he PLAYED you! You got SUCKERED!"
Brock "What's the matter, Paul? You losin' confidence in me? Huh? What's the matter? You scared?"
Brock's response: "*throws Matt through a wall*"
"This is an unsafe work environment!" - Eddie to Steph about the previous event
Spike "Whatever you say, dude."
Nowinski "C'mon! The bases were loaded, there was nobody out, you had a 3-0 count, you're telling me even with those odds you couldn't...score? Well, before long, Molly Holly's gonna be *my* vale-DICK-torian."
Trish "You know what - why don't we settle this little discussion out in the ring in a mixed tag match. It'll be the kids from Tough Enough - Jackie Gayda and uh...Mr. Havard over there, versus me and a partner."
Nowinski "Trish, that's fine but...who are you gonna get as a partner? I mean, Roy Rogers? Wait wait wait - how 'bout the Lone Ranger? Hi ho silver! Wait, no no - how 'bout Yosemite Sam! That'd be great!"
Trish "Actually, you're gettin' close, Einstein. My partner'll be...Bradshaw!"
Lita: “At least we know the truth. Oh and this talk of Christian rounding third base are untrue, he never even picked up a bat. We didn’t want to be in this match but we’ll pick up the bat and do the best we can."
Trish Stratus, leans over the desk and looks down: "Well, you’d be the expert on SMALL things!"
Steve Blackman: "Yeah well, you should see when I beat people over the head with it."
Trish "To your feet, yeah."
Big Show "Yeah. Okay, well, you know I made it myself."
Trish "Wow!"
Big Show "Okay, maybe the shirt's out. But here's what I'm really here to talk to you about - I've got this match tonight with Matt Hardy for the European championship, and after I beat Matt Hardy, I'm thinking 'bout going on a little European vacation, you know, England, Sweden, China, you know all the European countries. And I was thinking about you and - you know, you look pretty good in a snow bunny outfit, you know, maybe you wanna go on a little European vacation with me."
Trish "European va- hmm - A little downtime in Europe doesn't sound so bad...can we get separate rooms?"
Big Show "We'll talk about it, yeah, sure, we'll work it out, no problem."
Trish "A little downtime in Europe...sounds good, Show, I'll see you down there."
Big Show "All right! European vacation - she gets the shirt - hehehe - I'm a genius. A genius!"
Trish "I know I know, and Howard, I've been feeling very bad about the things I've done to you, and I hope you'll accept my apology. But y'know I gotta tell you I've been sitting there in the back listening to you all night, and I gotta tell you, I didn't realize until tonight what a sexy voice you have! To make it up to you, I have a little surprise."
Fink: "Oh wow, hey Trish, y'know we may have something here, because I'll tell you, it's certainly a dog-eat-dog world, isn't it? Especially when you've got the puppies, and I've got my wiener!"
Trish: "Yes you do, Howie, but you know what, lets go slow, lets start off with a little hug or maybe a big hug, Howie."
Fink: "Fine with me. [They hug] Wow, Trish I must tell you something, that certainly is a pleasant surprise to me, what's going on here."
Trish: "Well, next I was thinking...actually Howard, the real surprise, is Lillian Garcia! [Lillian smacks him]"
Mr. Perfect: "Naw, I'm pretty sure some of the guys came to see me too."
Noble: "Inbred."
Josh: "What's the best part about being an inbred? What's the worst part?"
Noble: "You're on a thin line here, Josh."
Booker T: "Tell me he didn't just say that?"
Goldust slowly raises his hand. Booker T and Kane give him a funny look.
Goldust "WHAT?? I was young and stupid! Come on... give me a break!"
Goldust "Booker, not since a young Macaulay Kulkin was left Home Alone have I ever felt so abandoned. How could you do this to us? We are the greatest tag team ever assembled. And now you have forced me to go into singles competition tonight with Spike Dudley. Well I hope that makes you happy."
Booker "Well I hope you get yo' gold ass outta my face before I kick it!"
Goldust "Booker...you leave me with no choice, then."
Booker "What are you doin'?"
Goldust "So that you can represent the both of us in your match with RVD tonight, you can wear this because you look stunning - take a look."
Booker "You damn right I look stunning. I don't look like that - TELL ME I DON'T LOOK LIKE THAT!"
Goldust "If Denzel and Li'l Kim ever had a child...it would be YOU."
Booker "And if Big Bird and Spider-man ever got busy...you would be the illegitimate....lesbian. AHHHH ha ha ha! Ha! Ha ha ha ha ha!"
Booker "Man what the hell you supposed to be now?"
Goldust "Well, I'm the Duke of Gold of course. Ready to serve in your royal court. Would you like a spot of porridge?"
Booker "No, I don't want no porridge, man."
Goldust "Why."
Booker "Look, I'm down with the King of the Ring and all that - gettin' that title shot at SummerSlam - but I ain't won jack yet."
Goldust "Perhaps. But I seem to have a good track record at predictions...lest you remember my warning on Shawn Michaels last week."
Booker "Shawn Michaels, huh."
Goldust "Mmm-hmm!"
Booker "See, that sucka, he thought I was gonna upstage the NWO - well guess what, he's right! See, my star shines brighter than ALL them suckas put together! Now can u dig THAT?"
Goldust "Indeed, Booker. But let's not get all sticky wicket here - there's still the matter of tonight, and the NWO wanting, desiring to get revenge from your earlier antics."
Booker "Look man, I did what I had to do - you dig?"
Goldust "I dig - I dig, indeed, yes I do, very much so. But dig this, Booker. If the NWO gets involved, that would mean Brock Lesnar would be DQ'd - and you would take one step closer to becoming... King Booker."
Booker "King Booker, huh. King Booker - Gimme that, dawg. King Booker, huh. I like the sound of that. You know what - as my first royal act, I hereby decree Brock Lesnar's gonna get his ass whooped all over the place, by the five-time WCW Champion, now can thou diggest that, suckaa?"
Goldust smiles "Indeed I do, Booker, yeah."
Booker "What the hell - you need some toothpaste."
The toilet flushes and out walks X-Pac. "What are you doin' here, you freak?"
Goldust "Yankers me crankers! Look at this creature! Look, you don't see this every day! It's the *rare* Bandana Wearing Greaserag! But be very careful, they tend to SUCK!" Goldust tosses his toy crocodile at him and runs off. 'Pac throws it down and gives chase.
Booker "You just went down under, you little kangaroo koala jive wombat - you're goin' down tonight! Now can you dig that......suckaaaaa!"
Torrie: "Mud is sexy."
Torrie: "Thanks Josh...that's very nice of you."
Josh: "I'm movin' on, I'm movin' on."
Stacy Keilber "What does it LOOK like I'm doing?"
Torrie "It looks like you're getting ready to go out there in your lingerie and steal my spotlight."
Stacy "Well, consider your spotlight STOLEN!"
Torrie "I think the only fair thing is to let the people decide who looks better in their naughty best. Deal?"
Stacy "Deal!"
Mean Gene - "Well, um, not really, no...however I have, I've heard some rumblings."
Eric Bischoff - "Point is, you can hear all the rumblings you want, probably coming from his [Larry Zybsyco] gut because he hasn't had a pizza in a while..."
Chuck: "Whoa whoa whoa whoa hey yo hold up yo. So what you're sayin' is...you go both ways? No problem, there's no shame in that, I mean...you can go both ways."
Billy "Well that's right. And Chuck...I know how excited you are to go down...to Los Angeles this Sunday and beat the crap outta Rosey & Jamal at Unforgiven! Fact is, Steph...we'll be there Sunday. And if Eric Bischoff's not down with that..(starts to chop his crotch)..I got two words for 'im!"
Angle interrupts: "Whoa whoa whoa whoa - hold on a second! When did SmackDown! turn into a bad episode of...'Three's Company?' You guys are PATHETIC! Last week was the WORST attempt at a publicity stunt I have ever seen! You know, I generated a little publicity of my own back in 1996 in Atlanta. And you wanna know how? Well I certainly didn't try to make out with Carl Lewis, I can assure you of that, oh no! I won an Olympic Gold Medal with a broken freakin' neck! THAT'S how you get publicity!"
Chuck: "Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, Kurt...slow down a minute, take it easy. I mean...use your head, let's think about this for a moment. I mean...what do you think the people mean when they say... (sings) You Suck / You Suck / You Suck / You Suck!"
Kurt: "Oh, that's real cute, Chuck. If you're trying to imply that I'm gay...well I'm not. Hey - hey, I don't have a problem with gays...in fact, gay people LOVE me! EVERYBODY loves me! I'm freakin' adorable! So Chuck... if you wanna try to insult me...then why don't either one of you meet me in the ring tonight? Chuck, if you wanna try to insult me, then why don't either one of you meet me in the ring tonight, and we'll see which one of us SUCKS!"
Stephanie: "Hang on a second, Kurt...if Billy & Chuck are gonna compete tonight, then I want them in tag team action to get ready for this Sunday."
Kurt: "Hey, that's fine with me, Steph. I'll tag with ANYBODY back there. In fact, I'll let Will & Grace down there pick my tag team partner for me! THAT'S how confident I am!"
Maria: "...36!"
Parisi: "Oh this is ridiculous. It’s Parisi. Johnny Parisi. My uncle Tony Parisi was a World Tag Team Champion. I am a second generation Superstar. These fans should be worshipping me like the Rock. I can hear them chanting my name. (Sniff) (Whispers) Johnny, Johnny, Johnny…"
Maria: "(Laughs!)"
Parisi: "Hey! Are you laughing at me?"
Maria: "(Shakes her head no)
Billy: “Oh very funny. How about a milkshake and some hamburgers for that wonderful body?”
Show "Hey, I’ve lost weight!”
Billy “Look behind you and you’ll find it!”
Crowd: 'Suck It!'
Road Dogg: "Not yet! That's Billy's line you idiots!"
Billy "Chuck, DAMN that was corny! Even for you! Captured your heart? Come on. But seriously, that's what makes you so special, and that's why I'm happy to ask you to be my tag team partner... {produces ring} ...permanently."
Rico "You just hold on a minute there, buddy! *I* will not take this interruption! And I'll tell you another thing - nobody in this building wants to see you and your - your - your GOOD TIME GIRLS! So, please removeth thyself from the building. And if you don't do it, I'll have Security do it for me. Andale!"
Godfather "Rico - Rico - if you can't use my services, I only got one thing to say. You don't know what you're missin', when you miss a ride on the HOOOOOO TRAIN! Let's go, girls!"
Chuck stops him. "Whoa whoa whoa whoa hey yo hey yo heyyyyYO."
Rico "What?"
Chuck "What are you doin'? What, what are you thinking? It wasn't supposed to happen this way, it wasn't supposed to go this far, Rico!"
Billy "COME ON, RICO! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! This was all just supposed to be a publicity stunt! Hey - we're not gay, I mean, we've got nothing against gay people... As a matter of fact, if I was gay I probably would marry Chuck. But that guy right there ain't pronouncin' us NOTHIN'!!"
Spanky's Answer: "I honestly think they are equally great. I am looking forward to wrestling them both again someday.
Chris is a better cook though. And I would say that Ki is a better kisser."
Spanky: "It's a masturbation reference, Josh. Get with it."
Spanky: "No, it wasn't cold, I just have small genitaltalia... uh, gentitali... genitals... I have a small penis."
Low Ki Answer: "No, I actually started laughing during the match."
Hulk Hogan: "OOOOH NO!"
Mean Gene Okerlund: "Hey, blow it out your--"
Jeff Jarrett: "*cuts him off with a stare*"
Jeff Jarrett: "Who are you, a stalker? Every time I start talkin' -- you start bustin' my interviews!"
Dusty: "He gonna stretch 'em like a rubber band!"
Some of us live and learn. Some of us have died. Vince gave everybody who walked through the doors an opportunity. What we did with that opportunity was in our hands." -- Dr. Tom Prichard June 27, 2003 WWE.com column
