Neil and I took a walk last night. I was feeling bitchy, and we were talking about some stuff, and so we took off for a walk in the middle of the night. It was probably around two in the morning when we started our walk... It was a little after four when we returned.
...With a new piece of furniture...
For shits and giggles, we decided to go dumpster-diving behind a thirft store.
Now, Neil has been talking about how he's been wanting a new computer desk. After all, he's rebuilt his computer (which is still fucking up a little -- but only a little...), and it ought to have a new home. Right?
Usually, there's nothing even remotely interesting behind the thirft store. On this particular night, there was... you guessed it... a computer desk! Slightly marked up with crayon, but otherwise in ostensibly perfect condition. And almost exactly identical to one that Neil had been drooling over just a few days earlier.
So, Neil and I tried lifting it. The thrift store wasn't TOO far away, after all. But the desk was DAMNED heavy. Eighty or ninety pounds, maybe. Not TOO bad -- with one of us on either end, that's only 40-45 pounds each. Which isn't so bad if you're moving something from one room to another... Well, we had a lot further to go than that.
So, how the hell to get this massive thing back?
"A shopping cart?" I asked.
"STEAL a shopping cart and put this thing in it?"
I looked at him. Neil and I are veteran stealers of shopping carts.
"Yeah, okay," he replied to my glance. "But where we gonna GET a shopping cart?"
"Around front?" I suggested. "There must be one in the parking lot someplace?" But even as I said it, I was pretty sure there wouldn't be any shopping carts in the front of the store. I mean, why the hell would they leave their shopping carts outside in the parking lot, during rainy weather, for bums like us to make off with?
And anyway, this was an AWFULLY big desk...
But I maintained some optimism...
...And before I even got to the front of the store, there, in a sort of alley, was the biggest fucking cart I have EVER seen...
With some difficulty (but not too much), Neil and I loaded the desk into the massive cart.
And with some difficulty, we pushed the cart back. It was only a few blocks, so that part wasn't too hard either...
...And then we got to the stairs.
It took us probably thirty or forty minutes to get that desk up the stairs into the apartment. There was much huffing and groaning. And finally we succeeded. The crayon came almost completely off the desk, and in the light, we found that it was actually nearly new. It really was almost perfect.
The moral of the story is: if one really needs a computer desk, the universe will provide a computer desk.
...And, if one really needs a method of transporting that computer desk, the universe will provide such a method.
And somehow, even with all the grunting and puffing and shin-smacking, I had no sore muscles when I woke up.
I am of the opinion that the universe is a very strange place indeed.
Speaking of strange...
Recently, D. starting dating somebody new. She's a cute little thing, and quite obviously not a total cuntrag like the last one... But, fortunately or unfortunately, she is a total lunatic.
[Lest you've forgotten the way of Wet Cleanup in the Produce Section, may I remind you please that "total lunatic" does not necessarily imply something negative.]
She drove us to the store one day, because she didn't want us to "freeze and die in a gutter," even though the store was just a couple of blocks away, and it was like 60 degrees outside. Well, anyway, it was nice to have the ride.
So, we got into her car, and she turned on her CD player. She put a new CD in the player, and it started playing something.
We asked, "what is this?"
She said, with all kinds of bliss and glee: "It's a CAR!"
...And she was serious.
We had to explain that we wanted to know what band was playing.
Lunatics are so cool.
I say to you again: it's a strange, strange universe. But awfully amusing.
~Helena*