...To my friend whose birthday is (I'm pretty sure) today...

I wanted to let you know I haven't forgotten you. Or your birthday. If I could have found any way in the world, I'd have sent you a birthday present, probably something horribly inappropriate that would scandalize your mother. Better yet, I'd have mailed myself back to New York for a day or two and bought you a bottomless cup of coffee.

I suppose we have a lot to talk about.

But I'm not sure where to start. Mostly because I'm not sure if you're still speaking to me. More accurately, I'm not sure if you're still listening to me.

I miss you more than I could possibly tell you.

I'm not sure you really understand the depth of my love for you. In your presence and in your absence, you have been a sister to me. I have never forgotten the promises we made each other to stick together, to fight together if we had to. Furthermore, I never forgot the promise I made to you -- an oath sworn in tears and the waters of the Chenango -- that I would never let anybody hurt you, as long as I could help it. I desperately hope that you're not hurting now; I especially hope that I haven't been the one to hurt you. I made you the promise that I did, and I have kept it to the best of my ability. Remember eight months ago when we spoke on the phone, both of us crying, and you told me to follow my heart, that you understood? Well, I took it on faith that you meant that. I frequently find myself terrified that you didn't, not really, and that you don't want to have anything to do with me anymore.

You're one of the only ones who ever REALLY understood, you know...

The rest just thought I wrote some good fiction. Real good character development and all, but too unrealistic. Heh.

I wish I could be telling you all about it over coffee. I drink decaf now. I think I overdosed on regular back in the day. Some things do change. But not really all that much.

I want you to know this about my life: I'm okay. We are okay. We're a little bit more mature now. We know better now, about a lot of things. Fewer things get broken these days, and fewer people get hurt. And mostly nothing else has changed.

What else can I say?

A couple of things...

Magic is real.

Love is real.

Family is real, and you have always been family to me. More so now than ever.

Happy birthday, sweet girl. Make a wish...

~A.*