Nearly two years later, in the spring of '78, I found myself at home
one
night weeping in anquish over the hopelessness, the purposelessness
of my
life. There was no explicit circumstance or trauma, I just knew
in my heart
that the direction of my life was nowhere, and that my existence was
meaningless.
I hadn't given serious thought to God in a long time, and I don't think
I was
actually praying, but I earnestly desired at that moment to know "why
am I
here?" I was sitting on the couch in my living room, gazing out
the sliding
glass door into the darkness of night, and noticed a light which I
assumed
was a window in the house behind ours. I studied it intently
through
tear-filled eyes, and gradually it came into focus-a bearded man in
a white
robe, with a gold breastplate, holding up a lamp. At the very
instant I saw
this image with crystal clarity, it disappeared, and the words of John
8:12
rang out in my heart - "I am the light of the world; he who follows
me will
not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life."
The next day I received a phone call from Lisa Bienvenue, who had found
an
old filing box of index cards with the names and numbers of former
lambs in
it, buried somewhere at Park street. I hadn't heard from any
FF'ers in
nearly two years-eventually I started going around to the fellowship,
in fact
only weeks later a house opened in Virginia at Bren Mar in Alexandria...
Years later, I fully realize that "back in the day" cobu was an abusive
church, if not a cult. I was always terrified of Stewart at big
meetings, or
when he came to Washington for center meetings. But mostly I
was insulated
from his deception and manipulation. I know that God had a purpose
and
reason for me spending my spiritual infancy in cobu, as he did for
all of us
who came through that experience with our faith intact. We know
that
deception is one of the most effective tools of the enemy, because
when we're
deceived, we don't know it. I pray that we never forget that
lesson, and
that through God's grace we receive courage to stand firm in the truth.
In Christ, Amy