you all know what i'm talking about . . . stupid (and obvious) directions and warning. look at shampoo, or frozen pizza, or deodrant . . . they all have directions on how to use this object . . . yet (to me) it seems rather obvious as to how to use this object.
shampoo: wet hair, lather through to ends, rinse. repeat if neccessary. for optimum results, follow with conditioner.
deodrant : (directions) turn dial to raise product. apply a thin layer to underarms. replace cap. to ensure product appears clear on skin, do not ovreapply.
(warning)CAUTION: apply to underarms only. do not apply to broken skin. if rash develops, discontinue use. keep out of reach of children. do not store over 115 degrees.
nail polish remover (this is the funniest): for fast and effective polish removal in one step, insert finger into sponge and twist.
bottle of diet coke : !WARNING! contents under pressure. cap may blow off causing eye or other serious injury, point away from face and people, espically while opening.
bodywash: in the bath or shower: squeeze a small amount of product (about the size of a quarter) onto a pouf or wash cloth. work into rich, refreshing lather. after bathing rinse pouf and hang dry.
popcorn:
1. place unfolded bag in the center of microwave oven with this side up
2. pop on high until bag expands and popping slows to 1-2 seconds between pops. lsten to popping and do not leave microwave unattended. overcooking may cause scorching. normal poping time is 2-5 min.
3. remove from microwave. carefully open bag at top by pulling diagonally at corners
4. enjoy!
candle: never leave lit candle unattended or burning for more than 4 hours. always trim wick to 1/4" before using and keep free from foreign objects. place lit candle on flat heat resistant surface away from flammable materials and drafts. do not move while lit or until wax hardens. keep out reach from children. dicontinue use when 1/4" was remains to prevent heat damage. for indoor use only.
frozen pizza: do not eat uncooked, be sure to cook completly before consuming.
on the bottom of a package of food: Do NOT turn upside down!!!
on a bag of chips: do not microwave
stress ballons as made by tikvah: squeeze me! (on others it said) grab me! (or the one created by abby) go shoping with a snake (or any of the other random directions peoples in tikvah would put on a stress balloon.)
man delay (don't ask): warning: premature ejactulation may be due to a condition requiring medical supervision. if this product, used as directed, does not provide relief, discontinue use and consult physician. avoid contact with eyes. if you or tour partner develop a rash or iritation, such as burning or itching, discontinue use. if symptoms persist, consult a doctor. in case assistance or contact a poison control center immediately.
directions: apply a small amount to head and shaft of penis before intercource, or use as directed by a physician. wash product off after intercourse.
Ramada Room key:
1. insert card in slot
2. remove card
3. open door (naa. . . i wanted to attempt to open the door and sit outside it for a while! lemme tell ya!)
dart thower - do not insert in mouth!!!
andi trying to be helpful: i (being Andi)went to see if there were some funny directions on a toothbrush and i told mom "hum there arent any directions on a tooth brush" and she kinda stared at me and said ok!
sara's instructions for making ramen noodles - you put the noodles (broken up somewhat) in the microwave for 2 minutes then stir the 1 minute add teh flavoring. . .yummies!
elmers glue caution - do not dry clean! do not freeze!
My friends are all so helpful! lookie here at this e-mail laura sent me . . *giggles*
Take Me Home. . . Country Roads
