Rating: This contains course language and due to its content should not be viewed by anyone. PG-13, probably would be R if I didn't bleep out the naughty words. Nothing really nasty ever happens, except that the adults get drunk and everyone starts making out... nothing worse.

Other: I steal jokes from South Park, so if you're not an avid fan you probably won't get some of the jokes. Still, it is pretty funny. I also focus a little more on Pokémon's screwed up adults, because I've always wanted to do that! I think this fic is frickin' hilarious, but what do I know? Send your thoughts to Jayhawkfan13@aol.com

Dedicated to the Tracey haters around the world. This one's for you, my soul mates!

Brock flipped through a Playboy magazine that had been supplied for them. "This is what I love about bonding meetings."

Misty smacked him. "You sick sick freak! We're supposed to be learning about each other, not look at porn!"

Jessie quickly picked up a Playgirl and flipped through it. She set it back down, snorting. "You can get better stuff off the Internet."

"Really? Where?" Brock and Tracey both asked.

Brock stuttered. "I mean, I don't need this crap! Girls fall over me, so why would I need magazines?"

"Cuz you're the perverted one," James reminded him.

"At least I'm not the gay one," Brock retorted.

"Don't be so hard on each other," Misty said sweetly. "You're both screw-ups."

Ash looked over Tracey's shoulder. "What're you doing?"

Tracey scribbled furiously. "Trying to capture the way Brock and James are strangling Misty."

Ash shrugged. "Whatever. I can't tell."

"What?" Tracey questioned.

"Your pictures suck big donkey butt," Ash told him.

Tracey started balling. "At least I caught a Scyther! You didn't dothat!"

"But I got a Snorlax and a Lapras and a..." Ash trailed off.

Professor Oak, Mrs. Ketchum, and Giovanni walked into the room.

"Now you kids talk nicely, and work out your problems," Mrs. Ketchum directed.

"It's enlightenment time," added Oak.

"We'll be in the outer room discussing, um, things," Giovanni announced.

Jessie, James and Meowth whined. "But Boss..."

"Do it for the team!" he snapped. He turned to Mrs. Ketchum. "Now, where were we?"

Oak shoved him out of the way. "Want me to show you my Pokémon Collection?"

"Later boys," Delia Ketchum muttered. "The kids."

They blushed. "Oh, right." The adults ran out.

The seven sat down in some Laz-E-Boyz. They looked from one to theother.

"So... now what?" Meowth asked.

"Let's discuss our deep, inner feelings," Tracey suggested.

Brock looked at him, startled. "Are you still here?"

"Huh?"

"Ash only needs one male buddy," Brock informed him. "I'm back, so get lost." v "I don't need to listen to this!" Tracey shouted. "Ash likes me MUCH better!"

Ash shifted nervously. "Actually..."

Meowth rubbed his paws together. "Dis could get good."

~

Giovanni and Oak sat across from Delia and Professor Ivy.

Ivy smiled. "Let's get this meeting underway, shall we? I'm Violeta Ivy, and I'm a Professor from the Orange Islands. Now you Giovanni."

Giovanni snorted. "Cut the crap Vi. We all know this is just some weird excuse for a make-out party."

"So..." Sam Oak said to Giovanni. "You take Violeta and I take Delia?"

Giovanni shook his head. "I want Delia. She's a good kisser."

"How would you know?" Sam questioned. "She's my woman."

"Uh, guys," Delia interrupted. "I think you should know something..."~

Tracey started crying. "Ash? You're saying you don't like me?"

Misty rolled her eyes. "Oh please. You don't have anything to do with the basic plot, you say a maximum of three sentences every day, and let's face it, you're a bigger perv than Brock."

"Plus you invited yourself to go with us just so you could meet Professor Oak," Ash added. "You used us, man."

"At least I'm not some stupid girl obsessed pervert who runs drooling at every chick he sees," Tracey said.

"That's cuz you couldn't get a date to save your life," James pointedout.

"I'm not a bisexual cross-dresser who can't even tell his best friend about his feelings either," Tracey snapped.

Brock and James glared at him. "What'd you call us?"

"Uh, me? Nothing! I didn't say anything!" Tracey exclaimed quickly.

Brock and James cracked their knuckles.

"I think he needs to respect our authoritah," Brock said, advancing on Tracey.

"&^%$ straight," James agreed. "Let's open up some cans of whoop-@$$."

Tracey turned to Ash and Misty. "I just screwed myself, huh?" They nodded.

Brock and James attacked him. "Who's your daddy now?!" Brock shouted.

"Say my name $#@&!! Say my name!" James yelled.

"Come on James!" Jessie encouraged.

"Kick him in the groin, the groin!" Ash and Misty laughed.

"Dese guys are seriously screwed up," Meowth commented to Pikachu.

"Pika," he agreed.

~

"You WHAT?!?!" Giovanni and Sam shouted.

Delia shrugged. "Well, you were both so hot ten years ago. I mean, you're not so great now, what with Oak being all old and Giovanni being evil..."

Violeta was starting realize this bonding idea sucked. "TMI, TMI!!!

Giovanni remembered the reason for being here. "I'm willing to forgive and forget. Delia, shall we?"

Sam held out a hand. "Violeta dearest?"

Vi sighed. "You're all a bunch of sick perverts. Just like that Brock kid..."

~

Tracey lay, unconscious, trussed up like a pig in the corner. Brock and James were having a celebration drink for a beating well done.

"To the wusses and the players!" Brock toasted.

"To us!" the said happily, downing their glasses of Bud Lite.

Meowth looked the two over. "You realize you just called yourselves sick freaks?"

They shrugged. "And...?"

He sighed. "Nevermind. Can we get on with da meetin'?"

The kids decided to dive into their childhoods. Naturally this meant a competition: who had the crappiest life.

"My mom chases after a mew, I flunk out of school, join a bike gangand an evil organization," Jessie was saying. "I ate frickin' snow. No contest."

James laughed. "Ha! That's nothing! I had dysfunctional parents and a terrorist fiance. Then I flunk out of school, join a bike gang and get two teammates who colt-cock me if I look at them wrong."

"You think that's bad?" Brock questioned. "My dad leaves home, my momdies, and I raise ten kids by myself. To top it off, I meet a crazy Professor and run back to two people who replaced me with a complete idiot."

"Pretty good, but check this out. My sisters destroy my already weak self-esteem, I run away from home and some psycho wrecks my bike."

The four looked around at each other, than at Ash.

"Geez, are you the only one who wasn't mentally destroyed as a kid?" Jessie asked.

Ash smiled haughtily, "I'll have you know my childhood sucked just as much as yours. I don't even know who my dad is."

"Didn't your mom ever tell you?" Misty wondered.

Ash blushed. "She, um, didn't know who it was."

"Reminds me of that episode of South Park," Jessie remarked. "What was it called again?"

Brock knew. "Cartman's mom is a dirty-"

"Let's talk about something else!" Ash snapped.

James thought for a second. "Or it could be Cartman's mom is still adirty-"

"Just drop it!"

~

Vi sighed. "I can't do this Professor."

"Please, call me Sam," he told her.

"Sam," Violeta began, "I don't want to kiss you. I barely know you."

Sam sighed. "It's me, isn't it? I know I'm a lousy kisser."

"No, it's not that..."

Sam started to cry. "I try! I really do!"

Vi patted his back. "No, you're a great kisser. It's just..."

"What?" he sniffled.

"I...I.." she stuttered. Quickly she changed the subject. "Let's play a game, all four of us."

Giovanni and Delia tore themselves from each other's lips. "What kind of game?"

Violeta went over to the fridge, pulling out lemons, salt, andtequila.

Then she sat on the sofa and flipped on the TV. "The channel-surfing drinking game!" Giovanni, Delia and Sam liked the idea. They grabbed glasses and took seats in front of the tube.

Vi sighed. Anything was better than kissing that wrinkly old bag.

~

"Okay, so Brock had da crappiest life and James had da crappiestchildhood memory," Meowth read off the list of competitions they'd gone through.

James was still crying on Jessie's shoulder from having to relive that event. "No Jessebelle, I don't wanna wear the dress. Put it away. No..."

"So, now what?" Meowth finished.

"We could go into our fears, and see who is the most pathetic," Misty suggested.

Tracey twitched slightly, still unconscious but having a bad dream.

"No! Go away Mr. Monkey! I'm not a banana! Don't eat me!"

Everyone snickered.

James sat up. "Sounds good. Meowth, you go first."

Meowth thought for a second. "Giovanni, water, and a mallet-weilding Jessie. Okay, you Jess." v She replied. "Giovanni and James in a dress. Misty?"

"My sisters when they're pissed off, bugs, and a mallet-weildingJessie. Ash?"

Once again Tracey stirred. "Bad clown, bad clown... no more balloon animals."

"That is one wacked-out kid," Brock commented.

Ash quickly said his fears. "My mom and Misty when they get pissed, Brock, and a mallet- wielding Jessie. Your turn Brock."

Brock glared at him. "Wadda ya mean I scare you?"

Ash sighed. "First of all, you have no eyes. Second of all, sometimes you get in these philosophical moods where you start using big words andmake me feel stupid."

"Ah, boohoo," Brock said dryly. "And I do have eyes you moron."

"And when you go crazy for a girl, well... let's just say you have a tendency to do anything for them, including dragging me into some screwed-up plan," Ash continued.

"I never do that!" Brock protested.

"You made me dress up like a Mr. Mime and get beaten with a whip," Ash pointed out.

James shuddered. "Whips... Jessebelle."

"Let's just move on with the game!" Brock snapped. "I'm afraid of rejection for the rest of my life, gay men who think I'm cute, and a mallet-weilding Jessie."

"Poor Brockie. You'll eventually find a girl who likes guys that fall over them every time they talk," Jessie snickered.

"Shut up or you're corner with Tracey," Brock warned.

"Egocentric versus the Perv, I'd like ta see that," Meowth whispered to Pikachu.

He giggled.

"Anyway," Brock said sharply. "James?"

James started rattling off a number of items. "Giovanni, Jessebelle, my parents, Beedrills, boats, Magikarp that evolve into Gyrados when you kick them, Gyrados in general, Pikachu, ghosts (especially the kind who think you're hot), Glooms, Primeapes, Meowth when he's pissed, Gyrados subs, Meowth balloons that pop all the time..."

~

After about 30 shots of tequila, everyone was feeling pretty good.

Violeta put a finger on Sam's chest. "You, are a verrry hansum man."

"An' yer the best perfessor in the Ornge Islands," Sam said through bleary eyes.

Delia had Giovanni flat on his back on the floor. "Yer sucha hottie Gio. Let's get married, right here, right now!"

"How the %$#@ we gonna do that?" Giovanni questioned. "We ain't got no preacher!"

Sam stood up, pulled out his Pokédex, and held it like a book. "D'you take this ma t'be yer hubby?"

"You betcha," Delia replied.

"An' d'you... whatever yer name is... take this perty lady t'be yer wife ferever an' ever?"

"Oh yeah," he answered.

Sam snapped the Pokédex shut. "Yer married. Kiss 'er ya idjut!"

Giovanni grabbed another shot of tequila, downed it in one gulp, and threw himself at Delia. They locked lips.

"How 'bout a kiss from yer fav'rite perfessor?" Sam asked Vi.

She giggled. "Sure hot stuff." He pulled her next to him.

"Jus' call me yer little Perfessor Ivysaur," she grinned.

He kissed her. "Tough li'l Pokémon, ain't she?" She nodded.

"I'd better record this in the Poké-"

He was cut off, because at that exact moment officer Jenny and nurse Joy barged into the room. "We heard there was a party and-- oh my God!"

~

"...Magikarp submarines, pink Pokémon, and a mallet-weilding Jessie," James finished about five minutes later.

"I tink dat James is easily da winner-" Meowth began.

"Hippies! Hippies all around me! They wanna save the world but all they do is smoke pot and smell funny," Tracey muttered.

Meowth started cackling. "Okay, Trace for most pathetic and James for the most fears, agreed?"

"Agreed!"

Tracey rolled over. "Jessie, get away from me with that mallet-"

Anger veins popped out on Jessie's face. "Why is everyone so frickin' afraid of me?!"

~

"Can someone tell me what the $#@^ is going on here?" Jenny questioned.

"Shut up girlie," Delia reprimanded. "There're kids in the other room y'know. Such language. Ever heard of such a thing Gio?"

He nodded. "Sure have. Check this out," he took a deep breath, then yelled. "@#$% $%^ %^&* #$%^@ ()*(&*( #$^ ^&*!!!!"

Delia threw back her head and laughed. "That's nothin'! $%^& #$%^*()&*% &*(*&% @#$% &*&^ $%^*)!!"

Vi looked up. "Oh good yer jus' in time. There's tequila o'er there, help yerself."

"Oh Ivysaur?" Sam asked. "How 'bout that data?"

"We'd better transfer it-" she began.

"Through the mouth!" they said at the same time.

The two started kissing, forgetting all about Jenny and Joy.

Joy whipped out a needle. "Should I sedate them?"

Jenny shrugged, pulling out her gun. "I'd better go check on the kids. No telling what kind of insane drugs they've gotten their wayward hands on."

~

Meowth sighed. "I loved dat cat. But she dissed me for a Persian."

"Women can be so cruel," Brock commented. James nodded solemnly.

Ash jumped up. "Yaa! Girls suck!" All eyes turned to him.

"You think I should tell him how bad that sounds?" Jessie asked James.

He shook his head, eyes half closed. "Later. Right now I'm enjoying the feeling of people thinking someone other than me is gay."

Suddenly a barrage of cussing came from the other room.

Meowth gulped. "Dat sounded like da boss when he's pissed at us."

Another group of obscenities poured from behind the door.

Ash winced. "Mom just found out I broke something."

Just then the door burst open, and Officer Jenny came running in. "Are you kids all right?"

Brock blushed and babbled crazily. "Officer Jenny! Hi... I'm gonna breed you- I mean, I wanna breed Pokémon, and gee you're pretty! Do you have a boyfriend, cuz I don't... girlfriend, I mean, I'm single..."

Jenny groaned. "Okay, where are you keeping the drugs?"

Misty snickered. "Nowhere. Brock always acts like this around you orJoy."

"Crap," she muttered. "Joy's in the other room. Why's he do thatanyway?"

"He's the perverted one," Ash, Misty, Jessie, James and Meowth said.

"Er, oh, what's going on? Someone help me..." Tracey's groans showed that he was awake.

Jenny looked over at him. "Dear Lord, what have you done to him? He's all black and blue, and sounds like he's in real pain."

James tried to sound pitiful. "It was just horrible Jenny! He came running into the room, completely stoned and screaming like a madman!"

"We were so scared!" Jessie cried, putting a hand to her forehead dramatically.

"Then he came at us with a knife, shouting bad words," Misty added.

Brock jumped in. "So James and I did the only thing we could do. We bravely defended the women and children!"

"Who ya callin' children?" Ash questioned.

Brock elbowed him. "Finally we were able to bring him down and tie him up. He passed out a little while ago."

"And since den we've been talkin' nicely and discussin' our problems," Meowth finished. "Pika pi!" Pikachu agreed.

Jenny snapped handcuffs on the disgruntled Tracey. "You're coming with me. Stupid delinquent kids, trying to pull nice, honest people into their drug circle." Jenny flashed the others a smile. "You might wanna go home. Your adult mentors are totally smashed."

The five kids and two Pokémon followed Jenny into the outside room.

"Professor Oak, what are you doing!?" Tracey exclaimed, shocked.

Sam, who at the moment was hitting on Joy, looked over. "You again? Why can't you jus' leave me alone ya stupid Pokémon sketcher?"

"I'm a Pokémon watcherrrrrrrrrr!!!" Tracey squealed as Joy and Jenny dragged him off down the hallway.

Delia waved to Ash. "Hi hun. Guess what? Gio and I got hitched!"

"I did the ceremony," Sam informed them.

"Uh, that's nice," Ash smiled, inching towards the door.

Brock leaned down next to Violeta Ivy. "Professor? What happened?"

Violeta opened one eye. "Give my data to Sam, will you Brockie?"

She gave him a peck on the lips.

Giovanni motioned for Jessie and James to get their butts over to him.

"Yeah Boss?" they asked.

"You twos make a great couple," Giovanni said. "And since I ain't gonna 'member any of this, so I can't bust ya fer fraternization, go ahead an' kiss."

"What?" they questioned. "Kiss, #$*& it!"

"This is really screwed up," James commented.

Jessie grabbed him. "Shut up and kiss me!" "Jess are you mphmphmph!"

Jessie let go of him. "Woo! I did it!"

James and Brock stared at each other for a second. Then they jumped up and gave the other a high five. "Score!!"

"Hey, as long as everybody's here," Sam began. "Let's party!"

A disco ball dropped from the ceiling, and loud 70's music started playing.

"I love bonding meetings!" Ash exclaimed, strapping on a pair of platform shoes.

"Just disco, fool!" Misty grabbed him and they broke into a John Travolta dance.

"I dunno how dis happened, but who gives a crap?" Meowth laughed.

"Pika pika chu pikachu! (Let's rock and roll all night and party ever-ee-day!)" Pikachu shouted.

"Ah, ah, ah, ah! Staying alive, stayin' alive! Ah, ah, ah, ah! Staying aliiiiiive!" the music blared.

So, the Pokékids party on till the break of dawn. We can only wonder what their next exciting bonding meeting will be like (if the author can think of a plot, that is). Good night folks!