Disclaimer: I really have to explain this again? You would think everyone would get it by now! Well, I don't own Pokemon or any of the (Counting on fingers) 34 characters I'm about to interview. I also don't own Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer, as if you couldn't tell. I DO own the plot, which isn't real, might I add, Cassandra Jade Tinnikis, Brian Williams, A'Kira Alone Bennett, and all of the other reporters, so please don't steal them!
I used what's left of my imagination to make them up. If you do want to use them, or Cassandra's nickname "The Psychotic Nurse Joy", E-mail me at TeamRocketEmiri@aol.com and ask politely! I'll let you use them as long as you don't piss me off with flames!
Also, I would like to thank Aron, Samantha, and Lauren for their help with this. I wouldn't have done it without Aron; he gave me the idea for this, and helped with the first couple of scripts. And Samantha helped me come up with the names. I just made the plot. Also, Sammy, Lauren and Aron let me use them in the story so I wouldn't run out of reporters. Thanks, y'all! And, remember, Aron, it's a'right, not alright!!!
This is my first finished fanfic ABOVE 7 pages long, so please don't send flames, discouraging me. I didn't spend a lot of time on this just to be put down! Disclaimer long enough for ya? Good. That was my purpose. I love to annoy people. I'm not called psychotic for nothing! (Laughs evilly) And no one can annoy me!
We don't want YOU to be hurt do we? Only one certain song will stop me: A certain song by Ricky Martin that goes by a certain name: "Livin' La Vida Loca" Now for the patients. Time for your shot! (Pulls on rubber gloves while the men at the mental hospital drag me away)
Now, on to the PokeWorld Interviews!
Love, Cassandra Jade Tinnikis,
A.K.A.
The Psychotic Nurse Joy
Interview #1: Cassidy and Pikachu
Cassandra Jade Tinnikis: Welcome, welcome, one and all!! This is Cassandra Jade Tinnikis reporting from Rocket Headquarters for the PokeWorld Interviews! Throughout these interviews, my partner, Brian Williams, and I will interrogate every Pokemon cast member known to man, woman, and child, right down to the Ghost of the Maiden! Oh, and one more thing: Brian's psychic and I'm a Ninja master. (Raises eyebrow)
This should be interesting And now for the show! The sweet, merciful show! Our first contestants are Cassidy and Pikachu. Why we chose that pair, we will never know. Oh, and I'll try not to kill you with my daggers, I've kinda become addicted.
Pikachu (Gulps): Pika-pi, pika!
Cassandra: Don't worry, I said I'd try! Now, our first question is for you, Pikachu! How does it feel to know that your trainer, Ash Ketchum, will not become a Pokemon master anytime soon?
Pikachu (Defending): Pikachu, pikachu, pika, pika! Pi, pi, chu pika pikachu, pi chu, pika pikachu, chu pikachu pi pi pikachu!
Cassandra: A'aight, and now for Cassidy. Cass, what's it like to be a slut?
Cassidy: What?!?
C.J.: Oh, I'm sorry, did I just say that out loud? (Laughs to herself) I'm so sorry! No, for real, how does it feel to be one of the most successful members of the notorious Team Rocket, surpassed only by two?
Cassidy (Gloats): Oh, I don't know. I guess it's because I'm so beautiful, and when you're beautiful, you get more money, and everyone likes you!
Brian (Off-stage): So THAT'S why I always get paid more than Cassandra!
Cassandra: Right. Whatever. Anyway, the next one is for Pikachu: Pikachu, what made you decide not to evolve when battling Lt. Surge?
Pikachu: Pika-pi pi pika pikachu, pika pikachu! Pika, pika Pik-chu chu! Pika pi pikachu pika pi pi!
Cassandra: Very well said, Pikachu. Very touching words. And our last question is For Cassidy. Do you think that you and Jessie will ever be friends?
Cassidy: No way in h- (Cassidy is cut off by the producer on the side of the stage, saying "Cassidy, you know you can't say that! We're on national television!") Sorry! Anyway, no, we won't!
Cassandra: Is that your final answer? (Cassidy narrows her eyes at the famous quote, but doesn't say a word.)
Cassandra: I can see we won't get much out of her. Well, that concludes our interviews for now. Tune in next time when we interview Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy! (Everyone gets up to leave, but in an instant, Cassandra pulls out her daggers and points them at Cassidy's throat.) You didn't answer my question, Cassie-girl!
Cassidy (Nervous): Oh, yeah, that! Yes, that's my final answer!
Cassandra: Good. (Removes daggers) This is Cassandra Jade Tinnikis signing off from Rocket Headquarters! Good night, and drive safely!
*************************************************************
Interview #2 Officer Jenny and Nurse Joy
Brian Williams: Hello, one and all, and welcome to the PokeWorld interviews! I'm Brian Williams, reporting late breaking news for the PokeWorld News Channel, channel 56! Today we will be interviewing Officer Jenny and-
Chansey: Chansey, Chansey!!
Brian: As I was saying, and Nurse Joy of Viridian City. Our first question is to Joy: Joy, do you know that everybody hates you because you're so friggin' cute and happy?
Chansey: Chan-Chansey!
Brian: Will you please be quiet? Now, what about the answer, Joy?
Joy (Sweetly): What ever would you mean? I would think that everyone would like me ever so much because I'm so much sweeter than the others! All of the others are ever so aggressive!
Brian: Whatever. Anyway-
Chansey: Chan, Chansey, Chan!
Brian: God, why are you interrupting me so much!?!?!?! You're almost as annoying as Joy! I'm gonna kill you! (Uses psychic powers to throw Chansey) (Chansey goes flying out of a window)
Chansey: Chan-seeeeey!!!!! (Her voice fades out as she flies away, leaving that little anime diamond and a little *ding* in the sky)
Joy (Flabbergasted): I'm annoying?
Brian: (Ignoring Joy) Now, back to business. Jenny, this next one's for you: How in the world do you fight crime in high-heel combat boots and a tight mini-skirt?
Jenny: Well, all you have to do is Bally Total Fitness, Nair wax, lotion, and for the shoes, Dr. Scholl's Corn Remover! Those are my secrets!
Brian: The next one is for both of you: How do you have so many sisters and cousins?
Joy and Jenny: Family secrets.
Brian (Antagonistically): Are you sure your mothers aren't whores or something?
Jenny and Joy: Whores?!?!!?
Joy: I've never been so insulted in all my life!
Jenny: I'm leaving!
Joy: I'm with ya, sister!
Brian: Sister?!?! (Joy and Jenny walk out, leaving Brian with Chansey, who has just walked in)
Chansey: Chan, chansey?
Brian: I thought I told you to leave! (Kicks Chansey) Well, folks, that concludes our interview for today! Tune in next time when we interview Lt. Surge, Sabrina, Erika, and Koga. Until then, good night and good fight!
*************************************************************
Backstage #1: Cassandra, Brian, Joy, Jenny, Cassidy, and Pikachu
Cassandra (Evilly): So, you all decided to fall for our little trap!
Brian: All we have to do now is get the rest of the cast to show up, and our plans will be perfect! (Joy, Cassidy, Pikachu, and Jenny are tied up and gagged, so they can't protest.)
Cassandra: In a matter of days, we'll have all of WCIU and Kids' WB in the palms of our hands! (Brian and Cassandra laugh evilly, talking well into the night.)
*************************************************************
Interview #3: Sabrina, Lt. Surge, Koga, and Erika
Brian: Hello, and welcome once again to another edition of the PokeWorld Interviews. My partner, Cassandra, should be here any minute now, but while we wait for her, I'd like to introduce four of the eight gym leaders, Sabrina Markobrad, Lieutenant Michael Surge, Koga Mykytiuk, and Erika Price. Also joining us today is one of our good friends, A'Kira Alone Bennett. She will help us with this, because we have never dealt with more than three peop-
Cassandra (Running in): I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm here! (Sits down and tries to regain composure, but can't) (Laughs hysterically)
Brian: What's up with you? You look like you've had about 16 cups of coffee!
Cassandra: 19 to be exact! (Laughs) I had a whole lotta homework last night! I'm trying to get all of this extra energy out of my body before we conduct the interview! I'm sorry, I'll do my best not to get out of control
Brian: OK, whatever. Do you want to ask the first question to Mr. Mykytiuk? (Author's note: "Mykytiuk" is pronounced Mick-i-chuck)
Cassandra (Quietly): Mykytiuk, Mykytiuk, Mykytiuk, Myky-
Brian: Why are you repeating me?
Cassandra (Very fast): That's-a-funny-word-that's-one-of-those-words-that-after-you-say-it-alot-it-lo ses-its-meaning!! (Laughs hysterically) Mykytiuk, Mykytiuk, Mykytiuk!! (Laughs again)
Brian: Um, how 'bout you just stay quiet until I tell you to? You might just go crazy up here!
Cassandra (Sadly): I'll try but I can't guarantee anything.
Brian: OK, our first question is for Koga. Mr. Mykytiuk, how did you become a Ninja master?
Koga (Superiorly): Well, it's takes a lot of hard training and will power, but after about 6 years, I finally got my first rank promotion! It was for a Ninja trainer (Continues to tell his life story for about 5 minutes until Brian stops him)
Brian: OK, OK, that's enough. I think you covered every question we had for you, so we have nothing to say to you anymore. Except, after the show, um, give me Iya's phone number, please? Good, now for Cassandra. Ask the next question, please. (Silence, Crickets chirping.) Cassandra, next question! (Looks over at her to see her rocking gently back and forth in her chair.) What's wrong with you now? I told you to be quiet, but not that quiet!
Cassandra (Trying to concentrate): I can feel my blood running through my veins, like I just had a million Pixie Stixs!
Erika: Well, did you?
Cassandra (Defensively): Only about 95!
Brian: Maybe you should sit this one out
Gym Leaders: Yeah
Cassandra (VERY fast): No-I'm-fine-I'll-ask-the-question. (Regains composure) OK, Erika, what's it like running an all grass gym? At least other trainers have a variety! Most others have at least one colorless Pokemon!
Erika: What? Oh, I just love grass Pokemon and I believe in Pokemon bei-
Cassandra: Pokemon, Pokemon, Poke- (Brian covers her mouth with his hand)
Brian: Will you puh-leese shut up?!?!?!!? You're almost as annoying as Nurse Joy!
Cassandra (Sadly): Sorry. I'll just be leaving now. (Runs off of the stage crying)
Brian: Um, OK. At least A'Kira is coming to help me. I just hope she isn't hyped up on candy and coffee.
A'Kira (Off stage): And here I am now! (Runs on stage as that corny introductory fanfare music is turned on.) Hello, everybody, I'm A'Kira Alone Bennett, and I will be your co-host for this evening! Tonight we will-
Brian: They already know what we're doing. We're almost half over! You came too late!
A'Kira: Well, where's Cassandra? She's late, too!
Brian: Cassandra was here, but she was hyped up on coffee and Pixie stix, so she left. You're my only hope now.
A'Kira: OK, let's just get to business then! The next question is for Lt. Surge. Koga, Erika, A'Kira, Brian, and
Cassandra (Off-stage): SURGE!!!!!!!!
Sabrina: What was all that about? I am trying to focus my psychic energy!
A'Kira: To where? Sabrina: To my gym. Just because I am not there does not mean that I cannot battle. (Closes her eyes again, concentrating)
A'Kira: OK, whatever. Now, Surge, why are you named after a soft drink?
Lt. Surge: I dunno, baby! Ask the writers, not me!
Brian: And now for the REAL question! (Everyone suddenly realizes that A'Kira asked a question that wasn't supposed to be asked, and glares at her, especially Sabrina. All of a sudden, Sabrina's eyes turn a bright shade of blue, her hair flares up, and A'Kira's chair flies backward, sending her flying into the wall.)
A'Kira (Eyes crossed, staggering forward) (Deliriously): Sorry, Sabs (All of a sudden, she drops to the floor unconscious. Everyone gasps.)
Brian: Sabrina, why did you do that?! Now I have NO partners for the conference!!!!!!!
Sabrina: She has broken my concentration. I have just been defeated in battle against a Caterpie because of her.
Brian (Trying to hold back his anger): Just go ahead and battle now, OK?!?! Now, Surge- Everyone but Brian, Sabrina, A'Kira, and
Surge: SURGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sabrina: Will you all puh-leese shut up! (Sends everyone but herself and Cassandra back into the wall, knocking them all unconscious.) This interview is over! (Walks off stage with the corny ending fanfare music playing.)
*************************************************************************
Backstage #2: Sabrina, Erika, Lt. Surge, Koga, Cassidy, Pikachu, Joy, Jenny, Cassandra, Brian, and A'Kira
Brian (Laughing): I cannot believe this actually is working!
A'Kira: But how did you get Sabrina in here? Can't she use her telepathic powers to get out? (Sabrina starts to protest, but is interrupted by Cassandra.)
Cassandra: We had a master psychic come and erase her powers until she works for us! (Laughs) There is no point in trying to escape! (Points to Erika, who is trying to cut the ropes that constrict her to the chair.) You'll never even make it past the guards!
Brian: And when we have enough people we'll have you shipped off to a small island in the middle of nowhere! You never escape from there, not without drowning!
A'Kira: And we'll all be filthy, stinkin' rich! (And once again, all three of them continue to laugh and talk throughout the night.)
******************************************************* ***********************
Interview #4: The Ghost of the Maiden
Cassandra Jade Tinnikis: Hello, everybody! This is C.J. Tinnikis reporting from Porta Vista!
Brian Williams: That's right, and, as promised, we are interviewing none other than- (He is cut of by the maiden, who gives him a seducing look, hypnotizing him.) (Robotically) The beautiful Ghost of the Maiden (Cassandra snaps her fingers in front of his nose nonchalantly, waking him from his trance.)
Cassandra: Didn't we tell you before the show not to do that?
Maiden: Sorry, I just can't help it!
Brian: Anyway, we are interviewing the ghost of the maiden, who has sat on some rock for about 2000 years, waiting for her man to come back. Maiden, do you know that that is not going to happen anytime soon?
Cassandra: Yeah. He's been gone for 2000 years. Don't you think he's dead by now? You're wasting your time! Move on with your life!
Maiden: He will come back to me, if it is the last thing he does. He will return to me, and we will fall in love all over again (Everyone in the audience either cries or rolls their eyes)
Brian (Dreamily): I'll come back to you anytime you want! (*snap*) Oh, sorry!
Cassandra: You'll thank me later.
Brian: OK, maiden, what's your real name? Everyone's dying to know. (*wink*)
Maiden: Well, everyone has been referring to me simply as "The Maiden" but my real name is Rochelle.
Cassandra: Rochelle, exactly how bored did you get sitting there for so long?
Rochelle: Well, one would never get bored waiting for her love to return to her. And when he returns, it will be worth it.
Brian: Would I be worth it, Rochelle, my dearest, darling, Rochelle? (*Snap*) (Everyone in the audience gasps. The snap didn't work. The maiden has just turned into Gastly and is hypnotizing every man in the audience.)
Cassandra (Mad): OK, Missy-ma'am, that's it!! No one can take him, hypnotize him, or damage him in any way, shape, or form without asking me first! We're taking this outside! (Cassandra and Rochelle step outside of the studios.)
Cassandra: You want him, you have to get through me first!
Rochelle/Gastly: Fine, you want to be killed, too? Destiny Bond (Another gasp. If Gastly is knocked out, Cassandra will be killed instantaneously, thanks to the TCG.)
Cassandra: So, you want to play games? (Takes out a small sphere, no larger than a Pokeball.) Oshu tenkenu Aconteneias! (Actual words!) (The sphere glows a bright blue, and then engulfs Rochelle/Gastly inside an even brighter light, sending her inside the sphere. {NO IT'S NOT A POKEBALL!!!} )
Cassandra: Now I won't be killed, and she won't get Brian. (Rushes inside.) Brian, I got her!
Brian (Waking up from trance): Huh, wha? Oh, Cassandra, I'm so sorry!
Cassandra: It's OK, really! I would never let that pathetic little thing get you!
Brian (Crying from joy): Oh, Cassandra!
Cassandra (Crying, also): Oh, Brian! (Both hug, and the audience, on cue, all goes "Aaawwwww")
Brian: Well, I guess we had better conclude this interview now. This is Brian Williams signing off from Porta Vista! Cassandra: And this is Cassandra Jade Tinnikis. So long for now! Good night, and happy travels!
*********************************************************************
Interview #5 Ash, Misty, and Tracey
Cassandra: Welcome, once again, one and all, to another edition of the PokeWorld Interviews. I'm Cassandra Jade Tinnikis reporting from the Pallet Town Auditorium. Today we're going to interrogate Ash Ketchum, Misty Williams (No relation to Brian), and Tracey McIntyre! How does it feel to be here today? (Various replies of "Fine, Great, Beats Training, ect., ect."...)
Cassandra: Great. Now, we have one thing to clear up before we begin: Tracey, you have no impact on the storyline whatsoever, except in, like, two episodes, so we have nothing to say to you. Just keep quiet the whole time, a'aight?
Tracy (sniffs): OK, but-
Brian: Tracey! Uh-uh-uh!!
Tracy: Sorry!
Cassandra: Good. Now, Ash, we heard that your Pikachu has been reported (sniggers) stolen! Is this true?
Tracey: Yeah-
Cassandra: Tracy!
Tracey: Sorry
Ash (sniffs): Yeah, he disappeared right after your interview with him and Cassidy. I knew I shouldn't of left him with a Team Rocket member
Brian: And we're all (*snigger*) deeply sorry for your loss Now, as we talked about with Pikachu, do you know that you will not become a Pokemon Master anytime soon?
Ash (Determined): I swear by the Benited Steaks of America that I will become a Pokemon Master, I will!
Cassandra: Yeah, the day pigs and fish fly, birds swim, and H- ("Cassandra, you can't say that!") Sorry And the day heck freezes over! Anyway, Misty, why is the only Pokemon that isn't Water-type is Togepi? At least other people have a variety!
Misty: Well, what about Brock? He has only Rock-type Pokemon!
Brian: He hasn't come yet. We'll dog him out when he gets here!
Cassandra: Oh, and Misty, why are you such an annoying, whining little bi- ("Cassandra!"), well, you know what I mean?
Misty: What? You know, I don't have to take such insults from you, little girl!
Cassandra: Yes you do, and by the by, I'm fourteen, much older than you.
A'Kira: Ash, do you know that you almost never train?
Ash: Yes I do! The only reason I've been held back is because of Team Rocket and Gary!
Brian: Yeah. Right. Whatever. Now, Misty, do you know that your song can be used for revenge?
Misty (Sweatdropping): Wha-what? Revenge? Whatever would you mean?
Cassandra (Antagonistically): Oh, come on, you know what we're talking about! Have you listened to the lyrics? Or were you drunk?
Misty: I did that to get paid! Those lyrics were not true!
Cassandra (Shaking her head): I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to this (Instantaneously, she gets up and points her daggers at Misty's head.) (Evilly) Ever wanted to die? Ever wonder what it was LIKE to die? If I kill you this way, you won't even feel it. You'll be dead before you know what hit you. Imagine if I did it in slow motion. A hot, searing pain shooting through you like a million knives. Feeling the daggers push their way through muscles, bone, and millions of trillions of nerves. Then everything goes black, and you depart this world forever.
Brian: Are you sure you should do this? I mean, what will the children reading this think?
Misty (Eagerly): Yeah, yeah, what about the children? They have sensitive ears!
Cassandra: I don't care. If there is one thing I hate more than anything is people lying about their true feelings for each other. I'll do the same thing to Jessie and James when they get here! Now, you will confess your emotions for Ash, or you die! Take your pick.
Misty: Well, he is kinda cute
Cassandra: TO HIM!
Misty: OK, H- ("Misty! Uh-uh-uh!") Sorry. Heck, Ash, why do I think I follow you so much? Just for my bike? Or because I want to be friends with a wanna-be Poke'mon Master? No, I love you! I've loved you since the first day I saw you!
Ash: Really? All those times you've dissed me? And you loved me? Well, you confessed too late. I stopped loving you after you confessed you hated Bug-Poke'mon! (Misty bursts out crying and runs off stage)
Brian: That should be our trademark. Scaring people off stage!
Cassandra: Yeah! Well, folks, that's the merciful, wonderful, great, exciting, sweet-
Brian: I think they get the idea, Cassie!
Cassandra: Fine. Well, it's the end of another interview for the PokeWorld Interviews! I'm Cassandra Jade Tinnikis-
Brian: And I'm Brian Williams, signing off, and out! (Corny music s_s*)
***************************************************************************
Backstage Number Three- Cassandra, Brian, A'Kira, Joy, Jenny, Cassidy, Pikachu, Ash, Misty, Tracy, Sabrina, Erika, Lt. Surge, Koga, and, finally, the Ghost of the Maiden
A'Kira: I'm so glad you went along with the plan!
Brian: It's working perfectly!
Cassandra: Let's have a small chat so we can explain to you what's going to happen, shall we? (Brian, A'Kira, and Cassandra all take off everybody's gags, but not the ropes.)
Ash: But why? Why are you doing this to us?
A'Kira: It all started a while back
Brian: We were all struggling fanfic writers, and the first three episodes of Pokemon had just debuted.
Cassandra: We thought it would be fun to make up stories about them.
A'Kira: Have you ever seen Battle Aboard the St. Anne
Cassandra: Or The Ghost Of Maiden's Peak Brian: Or all of about 15 other episodes? (Various replies of "Yes, of course, yeah, we were in them!")
A'Kira: We wrote those, and 4Kids Entertainment took our ideas.
Brian: They stole all of our stories
Cassandra: And now, it's time for revenge!