Author: Ruru
Disclaimer: I do not own Roswell. Jason Katims and all of the people at the WB do.
Category: Michael and Maria
Music: I don't know. I was listening to Full of Grace by Sarah McLachlan.
Feedback: Yes! This is my first fanfic and I have no idea what I'm doing. bekah2482@hotmail.com
I should have done something while I had the chance. Talked to her, touched her, anything. Now I'm left hoping she'll come back. I'm not even sure where she is. She never left an address; just a note saying that she had to get away. You know that saying, "You never know what you have until it's gone"? I never believed it because I had never had anything before. Then came Maria. I never wanted to fall for anyone. If I fell in love, that would be like leaving my heart out in the open, inviting someone to hurt me. And I couldn't get intense like that. It wasn't supposed to happen, but somehow, neither of us could have stopped it. We wanted to. We knew we should have, but we couldn't keep away from each other. I never should have kissed her that night. I knew that it would hurt her, but I did it anyway. I felt so close to her after the trip we had taken. It seemed as if she knew me; as if she really understood. Everything. All the things that I thought about and felt, but couldn't tell Max and Isabelle. No one could have understood them the way that she did. Maria knew what it was like coming from a home with no real security. That's why I did it. I felt closer to her than any other person I had known, but I wanted more. I wanted to feel the love that other people always talked about. I wanted what Max and Liz had. Then, after I kissed her, I wasn't sure how to act. So I stepped back. I couldn't stay away for long. It seemed as if there was some sort of magnetic attraction between us. And, though I knew that we would end up hurting, I decided to go for it; to reach for the happiness that others had. When we kissed the second time, it was like all of my feelings came rushing out. I wanted to show her what I felt when she was around. It had to end. When I was around her, I forgot about everything else. A fourth member of our species, going home; none of it mattered when I was with Maria. We were both getting more intense than we could handle. I ended it the night of the party at the old soap factory. As I stood there, trying not to feel anything, I felt like I was being traitorous to Max and Isabelle for feeling that way. I could barely keep from grabbing Maria into my arms and telling her that I would never leave her. When she looked at me, I knew that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. But I couldn't take it back. I had to be strong, and hold my feelings inside to be fair to Max and Isabelle. I hated trying to be tough and keep from showing my true feelings to Maria. She couldn't know that I loved her. Because then I would know that she loved me too, and I wouldn't be able to keep away from her any longer. Just having my love returned would have been the single greatest thing that had ever happened to me. I knew that I wouldn't be able to hide my feelings forever, so I began to avoid Maria. I could tell she was hurting, and that knowledge made it even harder to stay away from her. I just wanted to comfort her and tell her that everything would be all right. Then, one day, I went into the back room at the Crashdown looking for Liz. Instead of finding Liz though, I saw Maria sitting on the ragged couch, crying. My only thought at that moment was to reach to her and comfort her. As she looked up, she looked into my eyes and gasped. In them, she saw all the love that I had kept pent up inside of me for so long. I gently kissed her, but quickly broke away. As I got up to leave, she grabbed my hand and said three simple words. I love you. The she walked out. I haven't seen her since. All I have are the note she left along with a little bottle of Cyprus oil that I found in her room. Since she's been gone, I've gone over and over all that I did wrong. I pray everyday that she'll come back so I can do it all over again. My only hope is in the note she left.
Michael-
I need to get away. I'm not sure for how long. I 'm not sure how long I'll be able to stay away from you.
-Maria