Segment 3
It has been some time since my last installment in the profile. Several things have happened since then. So I will catch up to date here.
I now have a new psychiatrist. This one is a female. I started with her on February 18, 1999 with the aid of Hunt County Family Services. This entity has changed their name to Hunt County Mental Health and Mental Retardation. Anyway, I have a new one. It also doesn’t hurt that she is an attractive blonde female either.
Starting February 18th, she started me with new medications. The first new antidepressant is Celexa. This medication has been around for some time in Europe but it is new to the United States. And wouldn’t you know my insurance does not cover it. The second prescription is a mood stabilizer, Risperdal. She gave me a sample drug called Vistaril for anxiety and as of today, April 8th, she wants me to include Neurontin which is another mood stabilizer. This last prescription is because I still suffer with suicidal ideation when my depression kicks in. It seems nothing will remove my mood swings, but help with making their duration shorter.
My moods still swing from great highs to terrible lows, however, the duration of these episodes seem shorter than before. When I am on a high swing, I feel like I can accomplish anything but find myself getting frustrated when I can’t. I place too many irons in the fire, my thoughts race and I can’t keep up with them. I get short tempered and feel angry over other people seemingly getting in my way. It almost seems that others slow me down deliberately. When I am on a low swing, I get really down and blue. My mind will not obey and thoughts will not work out in my head. I feel the overwhelming desire to cry. I want to be left alone, but when alone I see the movies in my head of committing suicide. I have seen many ways to accomplish this and that is what they call suicidal ideation.
Some good news, I have left the LDS (Mormon) church after 21 years of membership. March 20th I was baptized into another faith at a local building. I found a web site address that set me up with lessons about the Bible. A study mediator sent me the Bible lessons in e-mail packets. I worked them on my computer, at my leisure, and sent the answers back to the mediator via e-mail. I had gone through several courses of study , reading the Bible and praying about what I had read and discovered the LDS religion was not the correct religion for me. I am now very happy with my new religion, which is not new in the world. I was surprised with what I found. If anyone reading this would like, I can set you up with my study mediator and you can receive these same lessons in your home. Send me an e-mail message about your desire and I will set it up for you. I will need your name and e-mail address. Also include your age, as I would not want to get in trouble with any parents. One of the real beauties of this program is there is never a problem with someone coming to your home.
I have been taking the Celexa long enough now for the effects to show. I still see my same therapist one a week and wonder sometimes if I need to keep going to him. Things seem to be getting better and I wonder if the need to see the therapist still exists. I will discuss this with him on Wednesday at our regular appointment time.
So now I am up to date with my profile. If anyone would like to write a profile and send it to me, I will post it under your name, or nickname if you wish to be anonymous. It does feel quite good to get my thoughts on this site. It feels good just to write them down. I would suggest that all of you keep some type of Journal or Diary about yourselves. If anyone reading this finds some sort of help, I am happy. This site is my attempt at self-support. There is no support group near my home and I will not drive 60 miles away for one. I hope this site helps you by my desire to take down my walls and share my personal self with you.
