*****

*Brrrrrring Brrrring*…*Brrrrring Brrring*…

“Answer the god damn phone, you lazy good-for-nothing piece of fluff.”

*Brrring Brrrrring*…*Brrrring Brrrring*…*BRRRRRRRRRIIIIING*

=click=

“Thank you for calling the North Pole, Santa is away in sunny Mexico getting deep throated by Xander the Walloping Whelp, therefore Christmas will not be celebrated this year. So please do not bother to decorate your trees, as-”

“Spike, shut up. You’re supposed to come help me decorate Giles’s tree.” Xander whined.

“Do I LOOK like a florist to you? Sorry Xandman, no can do. I specialise in doom, death and destruction, not plant life. Why don’t you ask my poncy sire to help? He’d love to nancy around that puny weed of a tree.”

“Spike…” Xander rolled his eyes. “ There *is* no one else. You think I’d ask you to help me if there were someone else? Get real.”

“This is no way to treat a friend.”

“Exactly.”

Xander was beginning to lose patience with the obnoxious vampire. “Look Deadboy, there’s no way I’m gonna do this all by myself okay Giles ordered you to help me so you get your undead ass over here right now and start helping!”

“Bloody hell, you great pillock! Why do you persist in bothering me? For the hundredth time, I. AM. A. BAD. ASS. VAMPIRE and I do not do *Christmas*!”

=======================================================

“Can I put a red bell next to a red bell?” Spike chirped, holding them up with both hands excitedly.

“No you can’t.” Xander answered amiably, carefully hanging a toy soldier on one of the branches.

“Why the hell not?” Spike demanded, his mood brought down slightly.

Xander shrugged. “ It’s boring. A red bell next to a red bell is just too…red. Try mixing different colours together, makes the tree look nicer.” He stood on his tip toes to place a star on the top of the tree.

“There.” He grinned, admiring his work. “Perfect.”

Then he frowned. “Hey!” Xander exclaimed. “ Where’s Mr Chumblespuzz?”

“Whaaat??” came a muffled cry from within the huge box of tree decorations. A second later Spike’s head popped out from the box, grinning madly. “WHO are you looking for?”

“Mr Chumblespuzz.” Xander insisted. “ It’s my favourite bell…”

“Spike why are you laughing?

“Spike what the hell is wrong with you?”

“SPIKE!”

Spike was rolling on the floor, clutching his stomach for dear life. “ Ow… ow… ow…my stomach…” he gasped out between guffaws. Tears ran down his face as he laughed uproariously, and he wiped them away with the back of his hand. He tried to stand up but failed miserably, falling back into a laughing heap.

Xander stood with his hands on his hips, and his lips twitched in a slight smile. “Something funny about that name, Spike?”

Spike finally managed to stand upright, still laughing like a lunatic. Mr…Chumblespuzz??” he choked out between giggles. “Bloody hell Donutboy, what on earth were you THINKING? Anything deserves a better name than…” He was laughing too hard to continue, his shoulders shaking helplessly. Oh God, Spike thought giddily as he stumbled forwards. Stop me before I choke to death.

*CRRRACK*

Xander’s face was fixed in a mask of horror. “Mr Chumblespuzz…” he whimpered.

Spike froze.

God was very quick these days.

Spike slowly lifted up his right boot. Sure enough, beneath his foot was a very crushed, very flat bell in the shape of a gnome. Mr Chumblespuzz, he presumed.

Spike took one look at Xander’s face and immediately backed away for safety. “Now whelp,” he cautioned. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“Let’s. Just. Finish. Decorating. Then, we can think about staking you.” Xander glowered.

Spike gulped. “Sure, Xander.” He squeaked. “Whatever you say.”

=======================================================

“ This is all your fault, you wanker!”

“My fault?! What about you and your *nothing to worry about* nonsense?”

It was all Xander could do not to stake the irritating vampire. They had just finished stringing the lights around the tree when they realised the wire wasn’t quite long enough to reach the electric point in the wall. I warned him, Xander growled. Didn’t I warn him?

//“Spike the tree HAS to be closer to the wall!” “Don’t be silly whelp, it’ll look stupid like that! It’s fine that way it is, nothing to worry about.”//

Well, looks like it’s gonna be really dark around here on Christmas Day, Xander mused grimly. The huge string of lights hadn’t just been used around the tree, they had thrown a lot of it around various parts of Giles’s living room. Which meant everything was all connected, which meant that if they were to move the tree, they’d have to remove everything and start all over.

“Well forget it!” Xander yelled. “This is your fault, so YOU fix it!” Xander collapsed into a chair and massaged his head with his hands. This won’t end well, he thought miserably. Why did he have to help me? Why?

“How about putting candles on the Christmas tree?” Spike offered.

Xander perked up. That was an idea. At least then they’d be able to enjoy a traditional Christmas. “But what about the rest of the lights?” he sulked.

“I dunno.” Spike shrugged. “My genius has its limits. Anyway it’s better than nothing.”

Xander rose from his chair. “Right then, I’ll go get ‘em.”

=======================================================

Half an hour later both of them stood in front of a beautifully lighted tree. The whole room was bathed in an orange glow, and the candles had even solved their string-of-lights problem. The light from the candles bounced off the tiny bulbs, making them sparkle softly. It was magical.

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“Good job.”

“You too, mate.”

Xander yawned tiredly. Decorating was hard work. “I’m gonna get a drink from the fridge, you want one?”

“Yeah alright mate, just watch out for- WATCH!!!”

Xander tripped over the box of decorations and went sprawling backwards, accidentally tipping a few of the candles over.

*FOOOOMPH*

The tree ignited.

“AAAAAH!!!!" Spike screamed like a girl. “ You set the tree on fire!!!”

“I didn’t mean to!” Xander screamed back.

“Undo it, undo it!!!” Spike panicked.

“Alright alright alright!!!!” Xander raced for the kitchen and filled a huge pot with tap water. He ran back to the living room and tossed all the water on the Christmas tree, trying to avoid getting burned. Steam hissed from the dying fire, and the room was filled with smoke. Xander coughed and waved his hand, trying to see. After a while, the steam subsided, and they were able to see clearly.

Spike yelped.

Xander shrieked.

The entire middle part of the tree was missing, leaving millions of pine needles littering the floor.

“Oh God,” Xander breathed. “Oh wow. Giles is just gonna kill us.”

They surveyed the damage around them. There was tinsel and broken bells all over the place, they had Christmas lights strewn all over that couldn’t light, the tree was fried to a crisp, and pine needles were growing out of the ground. This was ludicrous.

Xander couldn’t help it. He started to giggle.

Then Spike started to giggle.

And Xander lost it.

Soon they were roaring hysterically, their rich laughter echoing off the walls of the house.

=======================================================

Xander and Spike were lying sprawled on Giles’s couch, exhausted from the day’s events.

“Spike, would you stop sulking?” Xander pleaded, laughter in his eyes. “It’s going to be fine.”

“Hah!” Spike snarled. “Easy for you to say. You’re the Watcher’s pet, he’s not going to blame YOU for anything. It’s me he’ll come after.”

Xander’s eyes danced. “Only an hour more till he gets home.” He chimed gleefully.

Spike paled.

“Well!” Xander jumped off the couch and reached under the half-fried Christmas tree. “I can see there’s only one way to cheer you up.”

“Oh yes?” Spike asked skeptically. “And what way might that be?”

“This way.” Xander dropped a wrapped object on Spike’s lap. “Merry Christmas.” He rejoined him on the couch.

Spike sat up in surprise. “But…but this is a gift.” He stuttered.

Xander rolled his eyes. “A gift? Merciful Heavens, you’re right! I say, I’m glad you’re here to remind me of these things. Aren’t you going to open it?”

Spike looked at him suspiciously, then he tore open the wrapping paper to reveal a set of CD’s. He lurched upwards with an excited gasp. “SEX PISTOLS GREATEST HITS!!!!” he yelled happily.

Xander smirked. He had never seen the vampire like this in all his life. “So you like it then?”

Spike looked at Xander and blinked owlishly, suddenly remembering the boy’s presence. He quickly regained his composure, casually dropping the CD into his lap. “It’s okay, I guess.” He said nonchalantly.

Xander grinned.

Spike grinned back.

“I hate you whelp.”

“I hate you too, Spike.”

The End