*****

SLAM!!!

“Thank you for being quiet, Xander.” Giles said dryly.

“Mmmph, morble glormph.” Came the tired reply.

“What?” Giles looked up from his mountain of paperwork. He immediately jumped up in alarm. “My god, Xander. Is everything alright?”

And there was every cause for alarm. Xander’s physical appearance was grotesque, to say the least. His hair, usually neat and wavy, was so dishevelled that it resembled a rat’s nest in a hurricane, and so matted that it looked impossible to comb through. His face was slick with oil and covered with black smoky stains, as though he’d been up sweeping chimneys all day. His crumpled shirt hung out of his jeans haphazardly, stained with sauces and Heaven knows what else. The belt on his jeans was undone and hung loosely by his sides, causing them to drop to an illegally low level. In short, he looked trashed. Really, really trashed.

Xander stumbled towards Giles’s couch and collapsed in it wearily. He put a hand over his eyes to block the light. “ Knew the…cooking life…wasn’t for…me…” He gasped out.

Giles relaxed his shoulders, and he barely contained a chuckle. “Ah yes, the new job. I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Xander.” Xander waved away his sympathies tiredly. Giles mentally chided himself for wanting to laugh at the boy. He really did look exhausted. “Xander, if you want, it’s really much more comfortable on the bed.” He offered sincerely. Xander was off the couch in a second. Then he looked down at himself. “But Giles, I’m filthy. And I really don’t have the energy to bathe right now. Maybe I should just-”

“Think nothing of it,” Giles interjected kindly. “I was planning to send the sheets for dry cleaning soon anyway.” Xander clapped his hands in delight and skipped off to Giles’s room.

Suddenly Giles was struck with an unpleasant thought. He turned around in haste.

“Xander, I forgot-”

But Xander had already disappeared into his room. Giles sighed long-sufferingly, and sat down to continue with his paperwork. Too late, he thought ruefully.

Xander had an unpleasant surprise waiting for him.

=======================================================

Xander entered Giles’s room, surprised to find that he hadn’t made his bed that day. Weird, he thought. Giles is usually such a neat freak. Oh well.

Xander stared at the bed hungrily for a few seconds, and then did what any mature, adult man of nineteen would do.

He dived into bed with a loud squeal of happiness.

Xander shuffled around under the covers, surprised to find that the sheets under him were already warm. Giles must have just woken up from a nap, he thought hazily. He pulled the blanket up to his chin with a contented sigh. Warmth enveloped his body, and Xander hugged it to himself, as if welcoming a long lost friend. His tense muscles began to relax, and Xander could feel the sleep taking over his senses, slowly overpowering everything else. Good, he thought tiredly. It was a relief to get some rest after the worst day of his entire life. He chuckled lightly as he remembered what his grandmother used to tell him when she was alive. She used to say that he should never feel sorry for himself, because no matter how bad things got-

“What the hell is wrong with you? Do you always laugh in your sleep like that?”

- they could always get worse.

Xander groaned. I’m just dreaming, he told himself frantically. It’s not who I think it is, there is no one else in this room, it’s just me alone with Giles’s lovely bed.

I’m right.

I’m right.

Am I right?

Xander opened one eye.

“AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!” Xander screamed and lurched out of bed. It was horrible. It was disgusting. It was revolting.

It was *Spike*!!

“What the hell are you -doing- here?!” Xander demanded hotly.

“I’m the tooth fairy.” Spike rolled his eyes. “I’m here to sleep, mate. Watcher lets me sometimes.”

“Giles lets you sleep in his bed? He doesn’t even let me NEAR it most times!” Xander protested in disbelief.

Spike smirked. “Yeah well. I guess he likes me better then. But that’s understandable. I mean look at you. You look like shit.”

Xander huffed and climbed back into bed. “ Whatever, Spike. For your information I’ve just had to endure the worst day of my entire life, and just when I thought things couldn’t get any lower YOU turned up, which I cannot stand. So would you please get your undead ass outta here while *I* get back to sleep?”

Spike crowed incredulously. “Well excuse me mate, but I believe that the unemployed librarian outside gave me permission to sleep here too.”

“What?” Xander sat up in alarm. “Hey I am NOT sharing a bed with you.”

Spike ignored his protests and marched toward the bed, a mischievous glint in his eye.

“Spike, get lost!!” Xander yelled.

He was getting closer. Oh this was so bad…

“Are you deaf you underdone English toffee?!! Get the hell away from my-”

*WHOOSH*

The bed sank under Spike’s weight.

Xander was angrier than ever. What the hell did Bleachboy think he was doing disrupting people’s well-earned rest like that? That useless piece of fluff had no respect for anyone!

“Jesus whelp, take a breath before you pass out. Your face is all red.”

Xander inhaled with a gasp, suddenly remembering that humans needed to breathe in order to stay alive. He pointed a warning finger at Spike. “Alright, Deadboy. You can stay. But you make the slightest noise and I am feeding you to the seagulls, you got it?”

Spike snorted, unimpressed by the boy’s threat. “I’m quivering in my Doc Martens as we speak, ducks.”

Xander glared at him and then turned away, curling into a fetal position. He shifted his body slightly, trying to get as far away from the blonde vampire as possible. After a few minutes he felt the familiar lull of sleep tug at him again, and he snuggled into his pillow happily. His mind began to lose awareness of everything around him, and he was just about to slip into a deep oblivion when-

“God save the queen…” Spike chimed.

Xander’s eyes snapped open.

“The fascist regime…”

Xander gave a muffled yell into his pillow. I hate him, hate him, hate him!!!

The singing continued, laced with a malicious giggle. “They made you a moron…”

“Spike if you don’t shut up right now I will beat your tongue out with a meat tenderizer!” Xander yelled miserably, knowing the obnoxious vampire wouldn’t listen.

“Potential H-bomb…” Spike sang gleefully.

That did it. Xander couldn’t take it anymore. He reached out and bopped Spike on the head with a pillow. For a second Spike was silent, openmouthed with shock at what had just happened. Then an evil grin spread across his face, and Xander knew he was in for it now. Stupid, stupid, stupid, he thought before two pillows slammed him hard in the chest. Ooof!!!

“Hey hey hey vampire strength, vampire strength!!” He reminded Spike angrily.

Spike ignored him once again, now pelting him with pillows left and right. He was enjoying himself immensely. “Come one whelp, this is great fun!!” He coaxed the angry boy, who was currently shielding his poor body from Spike’s blows.

“ Of course it’s fun for you, you idiot, you’re not the one getting beaten up on!” Xander yelled, ducking one of Spike’s dreaded pillows.

“Oh yeah?” Spike stopped for a moment. “How do you explain the chip not acting up?”

Xander stared at Spike, who shrugged his shoulders carelessly. He was right. If he hadn’t wanted Spike to bang him up with pillows then the chip would’ve gone off by now. Guess I’m in the mood to play then, Xander grinned stupidly.

Quick as a flash, he snatched two pillows out of Spike’s grasp, leaving him with only one. And then suddenly they began going at it hammer and tongs, the bed a flurry of pillows. Feathers flew around the room as pillows smashed against each other persistently, determined to tear each other open. Xander swept his pillow around drunkenly, accidentally knocking over Giles’s antique clock. It fell to the floor with an unceremonious crash. “Oops,” he said apologetically, before smiting Spike hard with the pillow, which earned him a VERY ceremonious yell. Spike aimed his pillow at Xander’s stomach, but he missed miserably, instead tipping over Giles’s lamp on the bedside table. It shattered to the floor. Spike and Xander couldn’t care less, they were having too much fun. They fell back on the bed, laughing too hard to aim straight anymore. They wiped tears of mirth from their eyes as they tried to regain control of themselves.

“WHAT IS GOING ON IN THERE?” Giles harped angrily outside the room.

They froze into statues, fearing he would come in and see the horrendous mess they had made.

“I’M SURE I DO NOT WANT TO GO IN THERE RIGHT NOW BUT I’D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU TWO WOULD PIPE DOWN A LITTLE!” He roared from outside.

Spike immediately donned an innocent look on his face and started sucking on his thumb, his eyes opened wide like a baby’s. Xander collapsed into helpless laughter once again.

When he calmed down the exhaustion hit him like a ton of bricks. That strenuous pillow fight had made him more lethargic than ever. He smiled at Spike tiredly before slipping back under the covers with a weary sigh. Spike got up and smiled back at him, mouthing that he was going to the bathroom. Xander nodded as his eyelids drooped a little and a deep sense of languor stole over his body once again.

Xander turned onto his back, folding his hands underneath his pillow like he always did, slowly falling asleep. The last thing he remembered through his swirling haze of oblivion was the sound of a toilet flushing, and before he closed his eyes for good, the feel of someone pressing a kiss to his lips.

The End