I cried for a while. I couldn't understand how people in this world thought that a gay couple could be more dangerous than a father who rapes or beats his child, or a mother who simply neglects the needs of the child.

Finally my tears stopped and I looked up at the man I wished had been *my* father, "Giles, I...I don't know what to do."

He moved over and enfolded me in a fierce hug, "We'll find a way Xander; we'll find a way." >

Well, needless to say we were disappointed. We had decided on this and it was hard to think of anything else. Everywhere I went I saw babies. Fathers with their kids at the park, the mall, even the grocery store, and here we were unable to do have one of our own. Or so I thought...

"Xander, will you get the phone?" Giles asked me from the loft where he was organizing his stock.

"Yeah sure. Hello?"

"Xander?"

"Yeah, it's me Wes. What's up?"

"You and Spike...uh... still trying to find a child?"

"To adopt you mean?" I asked shooting Giles a puzzled look. He just shrugged.

"Yeah."

"Well we've kind of given up since Angel called and said that it was impossible," I snapped at him. Why was he pouring salt on this wound?!

"Well I found a...spell."

"What kind of spell? Something to make people accept the fact that we're gay and want a child?!" I retorted bitterly.

I could hear Wesley shift uncomfortably on the other end, "Actually, it's a spell that would allow you to carry and give birth to a child of your own, therefore not having to deal with adoption courts and all that nonsense. It would be a combination of both you and Spike, and before you ask, yes it's possible for a vampire to be the father, just not possible for him to carry the child. A beating heart is required for that."

I looked at Giles, "Uh Wes, not to rain on your parade or anything but we're guys. Guys can't carry babies. Even if this spell makes it possible, do you know a doctor that could handle it and not put us on the front page of the National Enquirer?"

"Charles and I are actually looking into that. My question is: if we find a doctor and someone strong enough to perform the spell, would you and Spike want to do this?"

Wow. My world has just been flipped again. This is happening too much, I don't even know which way is up anymore.

A child. One that would be part of both Spike and myself.

"Xander?"

"I'm sorry Wes, what?"

"Would you and Spike be interested in this spell if we can get everything arranged?"

"Let me talk to Spike to be sure, but I would say yes, if we can find everything needed."

"Very well then, we shall continue our search and let you know of our progress."

"Okay. Bye Wes."

"Xander, what did Wesley want?" Giles asked as he came down from the loft.

I had dropped into the nearest chair, stunned. Was this real? Could there still be a way for Spike and I to have a child?

"Xander?" Giles put a hand on my shoulder, shaking me from my thoughts.

"He and Gunn found a spell that might make it possible for us to have a child by me being pregnant."

I looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, "Is this possible Giles?"

"If you can find someone strong enough to do it. It takes more magic than Willow or I possess to perform this kind of spell. Does Wesley know someone who can do it?"

"He said it was something he and Gunn were looking into. Probably going to get that green demon -what's his name- Lorne to find someone they can trust to do the spell."

Giles sat next to me and put a fatherly arm around me, "Xander, I know you and Spike have a very honest relationship, but you may want to wait until you get positive news from Wes before you get his hopes up about this. You've both been disappointed one too many time for my liking."

I smiled at him, "Did you ever think you'd be saying that about Spike?"

Giles chuckled softly, "Actually I thought that same thing when I told you to go for it with Spike. It just goes to show you how much life can change on you."

**********

Two weeks later, Wesley Wyndham-Pryce came through. He called the Magic Box when we were all there on a research-fest, and gave us the good news: he'd found a doctor AND *she* could do the spell. Which promptly sent everyone into conniptions. I didn't really notice everyone else around me because Spike had pulled me into his lap and kissed me for a long time.

I love this man.

Anyway, we talked it over and decided that we would come down to meet this doctor with the Angle Investigations crew... as in ALL of us. Buffy, Dawn, Willow, Tara, Spike and I all drove down in Buffy's car, with Giles promising to follow us later in the evening after the shop was closed.

Our arrival in LA was slightly this side of insane. We walked in and the girls automatically flocked over to Cordelia who was holding a sleeping Conner in her arms. They all quietly cooed over him while talking about this and that. I never realized how immune I'd become to their chattering until I looked at the baffled expressions on the guys' faces.

Looking at three-year-old Conner peacefully curled up in Cordy's arms with one hand resting on her bulging stomach made my heart skip a beat. I prayed to whatever deity was watching over this whole insane family of ours that this would work out so Spike and I could experience the joy that was apparent on both Angel and Cordelia's faces.

*****
tbc