I just look at Anya. I don't know what to say.

"Did you have an enjoyable time at the concert?" she asks.

I nod.

"Presents," I say, holding up the bags. "Uh, I brought you presents."

And then I don't have to speak for a while because Anya is busy looking through the gifts I bought and exclaiming and being excited. Presents were a good plan.

And Anya is just so happy and just so pleased that I can't say anything. She keeps kissing me and opening the plastic bags and its just stupid crap I bought. Just things that I thought she might like. But to her it seems so special. And I don't know why I don't buy her more presents.

I'm scum.

*************

I watch the whelp disappear into this apartment block, then start the car and drive away. Don't know what to think. Don't know what to want.

Harris was doing that whole inner turmoil thing all the bloody way home. Sorry I had a wank with him now. It was his blimmin' idea. Wasn't my fault he walked in on me.

Bloody hell.

Am thinking that if I hadn't come out of that bathroom, it would've been a good thing. Or even if I'd just kept my dick in my pants in the first place, so the whelp wouldn't have walked in on me. Cause much as I liked playing spank the monkey with the kid, the whole cold shoulder treatment on the way home wasn't exactly a barrel of laughs.

Fuck.

Way he called my name though. And he can deny it all he wants, but he was lookin' at me. It was me he was tossing off over. Know he still wants me, for all his protesting.

Yeah pillock, that's why he's gone home to his nice warm woman while you go back to your cold empty crypt and relive past shags with your hand. Sad, pathetic loser.

*************

It's later. Anya is fixing something on her website or selling shares or something. She thinks I'm watching television, but really I'm thinking. I'm thinking about her and about us. I switch off the television.

"Anya," I say. And I feel like I'm watching myself talk from somewhere deep inside myself. "I don't want to hurt you."

She looks up at me and frowns.

"You don't want to hurt me Xander? Why would you hurt me?"

And I look down.

"I love you Anya. But I don't think…I mean. I think you were right to leave the first time."

"But why? I don't understand. Well I do, but those are my reasons. Why are you unhappy? Haven't I been trying hard enough?"

"No, no, it's not your fault," I say. And I want to tell her about Spike, I really do, but it just sticks in my throat. So I don't. I just try to explain why, while leaving out all the lusting after blond vampires part. Which is hard because I'm not sure of why myself.

"I'm just worried that I’m using you," I finish lamely.

"Using me?"

I sit down and put my head in my hands. "I think I might just be with you because it's easier." I take a deep breath. "And…lately… I've been thinkingaboutotherpeople."

I should just tell her I think I'm gay. But it's not like that. It's just Spike. And I'm not even sure if that's a reason to leave her. And I can't bring myself to even start explaining about that.

"There's someone else?" Anya's voice is trembling and I feel worse, if that's possible.

I shake my head. Because there's not. There's a guy I want to be friends with but who I ended up fucking. There's not someone else. "No, no, it's not that. There's no one else, but I'm thinking about other people. And I shouldn't be doing that."

"Oh," she says in a small tight voice. And have I mentioned that I feel like shit? I expect questions, and arguments and Anya trying to convince me to change my mind. But she's silent. I look up and she's just crying.

She sniffs.

"You're right, we can't keep doing this. I hoped things would change but they haven't."

"I'm sorry," I say.

"I am too Xander. You were a good boyfriend most of the time. And I will miss the sex."

I manage a half grin. "Me too."

Anya sniffs and smiles a watery smile.

"The sex was good."

"I'm sorry Anya. I really wanted this to work."

"I know. So did I," she says. "I think that's why we stayed together as long as we did. I pretended all the things that were wrong weren't."

I nod. And pull her to me, hugging her tight.

And yeah I cry too.

I suck.

***********

I find out about Harris breaking up with his girlfriend through Dawn, couple of days after it happened, apparently. Nibblet tells me that Harris told Anya he was thinking about other people but there was no one else.

"Like I give a toss 'bout Harris's love life," I tell her and turn back to my book. It's a Stephen King and it's bloody funny. Damn good writer.

No one else, eh? And there's not going to be neither, least not me, if I have any say in it. Was just sex. And if he wants it again, which he will, he'll fucking have to ask, cause I'm done making the first move. Tired of being a convenient male body.

'Thinking of other people'? Yeah, done a bit more than that didn't you Harris?

I do NOT bloody care that he didn't come running once he broke up with demon girl. Never once crossed my mind that he dumped her for me.

Oh, just sod off.

**************

Ok, so I've broken up with Anya, but that doesn't mean I'm just going to go running to Spike now. I mean, it's SPIKE. Spike who is a vampire, who is a guy, who thinks I'm lame. Who bites his lip when he jacks off and cums because I do.

No. No. No.

Besides, I told Anya there wasn't anyone else. I mean, it's not like I'm going to tell her, but what if she finds out. There has to be a suitable mourning period first before I get horizontal with anyone else. Just because. It's the right thing to do. And anyway, Anya hasn't left this time. We sort of decided that we still *liked* each other and Anya was so, like, amazed that she really wants to try the 'being friends' thing. Which is actually pretty cool. Because I don't *not* want to see her anymore. So I don't want to stuff that up either.

But things are really tense with Spike though. I haven't talked to him since that night. I mean, it's too weird and awkward. I don't know what to say. I guess I don't know how he'll react. I hope he's not pissed off with me about the whole not speaking thing. He might think I was pissed off with him. Ok, I was, at first. Ok, still am a bit. But I know it's not fair to blame him for me breaking up with Anya, or having sweaty, naughty thoughts about him. Which is why…I mean I've got to talk to him sometime, I don't not want to be friends with him either.

I mean we say hi. Well, he half waves when I say hi. Ok, so I don’t say hi specifically to him, it's like, hey Will, hey Tara, hey Spike. And he does that wave thing.

And even if I do you know, want Spike, and a suitable mourning period has passed, what if he doesn't want me anymore? What if it was just sex, some game? And why am I thinking about this like it's more than sex? Because Spike, boyfriend? No.

Very no.

Of course, if I happen to be with Spike, and Spike happens to like, do that kissing stuff he did at the concert, then there's no reason for us not to have the wild monkey sex, preferably with penetration. If he happened to.

***************

I show up at the Magic Box for pre-demon slaying meeting. The usual, how big is it, what kills it, where is it, let's go thwack it. Harris is there. Haven't spoken to him since that night. Not that I'm avoiding him or anything, just, what's there to say? Hey mate, heard you broke up with your girlfriend, wanna shag? Not bloody likely.

'Sides, not like he's doing much talking either. Just says hi then avoids looking at me for the rest of the night. Not bloody awkward at all.

So I'm thinking, not much chance he's going to be wanting a shag in the near future, no.

************

"So Spike and Xander if you go to check on the south side for this nest, Tara and I will work on this spell-"

Spike and me? Gulp? No. Not good. Bad. Very bad. I risk a glance at Spike. He's just standing there examining his fingernails. I can't say anything cause then he'll think I don't want to spend time with him. Which isn't true. I do want to spend time with him, just not yet.

*************

Oh good. The witches have suggested I go spend some quality time with Xander. That's not going to be uncomfortable.

************

We're walking through the park by the lake. Uhuh, Sunnydale has a lake. Perfect for moonlight walks and creepy unexplained disappearances. Ooh and I'm so glad I'm here with an only slightly reformed soulless killer. Lucky me.

Right at this moment the soulless killer is jumping on stuff and jumping over stuff. It's so not sexy.

Of course, if he *happens* to like, decide to redirect that excess energy elsewhere…Argh! No. I'm not wanting Spike/Xander sexual situations. Because that would be…bad…why again?

***********

Harris is walking couple of feet away. We ain't said much. Sod him. He's the one who got all silent.

I jump over a park bench and kick some stones. Hope some nasties show up soon. I'm bored.

Harris keeps glancing at me. Well, if he wants me, all he has to do is ask. Never know, might say yes.

It's about bloody time he broke up with the demon chit. Him snogging and getting all hard and wanking off with another bloke, namely me, should've tipped him off that all wasn't well in the Harris household. Still, lots of blokes have spent their entire lives livin' a lie. He coulda done that too, I spose, nice and safe and very respectable until you're found dead of a heart attack in the home of a 17 year old rent boy with a ball gag in your mouth.

So, got to give him credit for breaking up with her I suppose.

************

The not talking is getting to me. Now I'm sort of over the being pissed at Spike and the brooding thing doesn't hold much appeal. I should say something. Anything. Just to you know, lighten the mood. Get some buddy-vibes happening. Stop Spike looking like he wants to rip out my spinal column and use it to beat me over the head.

"So, uh, ever seen one of these Kirniarn demons before?"

Yeah, work talk. Safe. Companionable.

He nods.

"Nasty little buggers. Fond of flabby construction worker types."

Oh.

Hey!

**************

I smirk. Took him a bit to process that one.

"Hey, buddy, I'll have you know I'm not at all flabby. Very much taut and well-muscled," he says.

I look him over. "Oh," I say. "My mistake. Must have been the angle I was looking from."

He thinks about that too. And blushes. Yeah, it could be taken in a dirty kind of way. If I'd happened to have, say, knelt behind him, and licked his arse. Which I have.

************

I'm trying to think of a witty comeback insult.

"Might want to get that eyesight checked there Spike. Seems to be failing you a bit. Must be age."

Oh there we go.

He chuckles. Yep, I'm the funny one.

*************

Hmmm. If he's not interested, what I'm going to do now will have no effect at all, now will it?

I lift my shirt up.

"Harris, this is taut and well-muscled-"

Unfortunately I don’t get a chance to see the effect my bloody gorgeous body has on the whelp because we must have disturbed the Kirniarn nest and a whole swarm of them attack us.

Lucky they're only two feet high.

**********

I was not affected by Spike's abs. I'm not being distracted thinking about them. So not turned on by that hard, pale flesh. And what it would be like to run my tongue over it. Ok, focusing.

These Kirniarn demons are scary, like toddlers with too many teeth. Kind of like the baby alien things on Galaxy Quest. Spike's kicking them away, but there's heaps of them. Like really scary garden gnomes.

I think they're swearing at us.

***********

Little buggers.

"Xander!" I yell as I boot one across the same park bench I jumped before. "Ow, dammit, little bastard!" Bitey little blighters. "Lake!"

They can't stand water. And we kick them off us, heading for the lake. Why the little fuckwits nested near a lake is beyond me. Convenient for us though. Think they eat ducks. Or old ladies who walk Chihuahuas, and feed ducks.

***********

We wade into the water, flinging the demons off us. Now I'm sure they're swearing. Potty-mouth demons. A couple try to jump across from the shore onto us but miss and flounder in the water squealing until they get back to shore or until they stop floundering. Ok, guess they can't swim.

I grin at Spike.

"Ok, that was a useful piece of knowledge bleach boy."

He's grinning too and checking out the Kirniarn bites on his arms. I've got a couple, ok about five. They sting.

"Uh, Spike, are they like poisonous or anything?"

I'm starting to swell.

"Not usually," he says, taking my arm. He looks up at me. And ok, not liking that look. Too much concern there Spike.

"Hold still," he says and brings my wrist to his mouth.

Knew vampire sucking power was good for something.

*************

"Er, Spike? You are just taking the poison aren't you? You're not having a little snack there right?" he says.

I give him a dirty look and spit out the infected shit from his arm. Then just give the wound a lick for good measure. True, vampire spit's good for that sort of thing, but it was more for the look on the kid's face that I did it. Interesting.

"Shut up Harris," I growl and turn to the next bite.

He's got a heap on him. And they are infected. Never knew the little buggers were poisonous but Harris could just be allergic. I snort at that thought. Typical.

*************

Ok, I've got three bites on my arms. One on my side and one…um, on my upper thigh. The kind of place that you sort of have to drop your pants to get to. I think Spike realises this about now too, because he's looking in the direction of my butt. He coughs, then quirks that eyebrow of his.

"Right," he says. "Drop your pants then."

We're just over our knees in water, about mid-thigh. I can't drop my trousers too far or I'll lose them in the lake. And Spike can't exactly kneel down to suck out the poison either. So he's kind of leaning over beside me, hanging on to me for balance while he puts his mouth just under my right butt-cheek.

Yeah we fall over.

************

"Sodding hell," I growl. We didn't just fall over, we completely-submerged, totally soaked, wet to the bone, Xander sodding Harris's big fat arse on my head, fell over.

And Harris is just laughing at me like a complete pillock. Git. This coat is leather you know.

Time for revenge. There's one more bite left on the kid.

"Lift up your shirt," I say. He peels the wet material up, exposing the bite and also his not-so flabby stomach. I'm wet now, so it don't make much difference, so I kneel in front on him in the water. I put my hands on his hips and press my mouth to the bite and suck out the poison. Then I lick.

Harris quivers. Heh. If he wants me he's bloody going to have to ask.

***********

Oh god.

***********

So maybe I lick a bit more than the area covered by the bite. Can't be too careful where poisonous bites are concerned. And maybe I licked just a bit slower and just a bit more *intimately* then I did with the other bites.

No need for Harris to fall over again.

**********

And losing balance then was probably the best idea I've had in a long time, cause otherwise Spike was going to be face to face with something in my pants that was not a stake. And that wet cargos would do nothing to hide.

"Uh, Spike?" I say suddenly. "I think the Kirniarns have invented the boat."

*********

Oh sodding hell. Isn't that just the bleeding bollocks. The little blighters have got themselves a raft and are attempting to send a naval contingent after us. I look across the shore to the other side. Can't see any of the little buggers on the other side.

"How well can you swim?" I ask Harris.

"Spike," he says. "I've spent twenty-one summers trying to swim in a pool full of my cousins. I think I can take them out."

**********

We walk home all squishy. When it comes to capsizing a flotation device carrying small human shaped creatures, I'm the champ. True I learnt most of my skills from being on the receiving end of said capsizing, but all the same, I rule. Spike just looked on in awe the first time, then joined in. We just sank the boat, let the little monkey-butts drown, then sent the boat back to shore for the next lot. They kept coming. Spike kept making comments about lemmings.

"Now that, my friend, is what I like to call a plan without flaws," I say to Spike.

He laughs, a good laugh.

"I'm bloody impressed Harris. Think you've found your calling. Life guard in the kiddies wading pool." I don’t think I need to mention that it was Spike, the Big Bad, who had opted for running, while I, Xander Harris wanted to stay and fight. I don't think I need mention that. Now. Maybe tomorrow, at the next Scooby meeting.

Apart from that suspicious poison-sucking incident he hasn't tried anything seduction like. Because, you know, if he *happened* to, well I don't have to say no this time. Wonder if he will when we get back to my place. Oh, yeah, we're going back to my place. He doesn't have a shower. Don't let the brochures fool you, Lake Sunnydale is neither pristine nor clear blue.

"You know, that old nature documentary," says Spike. "The one they always show of the lemmings jumping off the cliff?"

Oh no. "Yes?"

"You know the cameramen pushed them don't you?"

"Thank you Spike, I won't be able to watch old Disney ever again."

"Xander?"

"What?"

"You do know they used up about a hundred cats filming Milo and Otis don't you?"

"Shut up Spike."

"Kept drowning having them amazing adventures apparently."

"Thanks Spike."

"Was Milo the cat or the dog?"

**********

We stumble into Xander's apartment, sopping wet and laughing. Xander looks like a drowned rat. I tell him so.

He looks at me as if he's thinking of a retort.

And then he's just looking at me.

***************

Spike's soaking wet, hair plastered to his head. Shirt clinging to his body. He's shrugged off his duster already. He said something, something I should respond to. Oh yeah.

"Look who's talking," I manage. Not exactly Original Comeback of the Year, but I'm kind of distracted because he's sort of close. And have I mentioned how blue his eyes are? And ok yeah, I'm thinking about his hands on my hips and him kneeling in front of me and yeah, what else he could be sucking, if you must know, aside from a poisonous bite.

Now would be a good time for him to try that seduction thing again.

************

I look at Xander. Not going to make the first move. Not this time.

I can tell from that look on his face, from his dilated pupils, from the nervous way his heart's beating, without smelling it, that he's aroused.

I just stand there. Close. Breathing him in, drinking in his face, looking at those damn soft lips…And, ok, yeah, he'd better bloody hurry up with that first move.

************

I lick my lips. Spike's so close. Really close. And he's kind of breathing. And have I mentioned he's close. I shift just a bit then, and my hand brushes over his. He swallows. I'm pretty sure he wants… He shifts a bit too, and we're practically touching now. Spike's looking at me like he wants to devour me, but he's not moving, just watching me. Like he's waiting. And he's kind of…amused? Dammit! Why won't he just kiss me already?

************

Xander's breathing heavy now. Can feel him against me almost. Yeah, pet, just a little bit more. I lick my lips, just for encouragement. Thoughts of last time I kissed him flash through my mind. Pressing him up against the door. Feeling his tongue in my mouth, his cock rubbing against mine. I run my eyes over his lips.

Yeah pet you want me. Just tell me so.

And then, thank fuck, he kisses me.

************

So I move in closer, and he doesn't move at all as I bend forward and press my lips to his. He returns the kiss but doesn't deepen it. He very chastely, very unSpikelike, just kisses me back. And that's all. So very not like I remember kissing Spike. I run my tongue out, over his lips, trying to gain entrance to his mouth. His lips part but only slightly and his tongue brushes against mine. There's no possessiveness. There's no devouring. It's weird, like he's holding back. Dammit, what's his problem? Doesn't he want this?

I pull back, frowning.

"Uh, Spike?" I begin, not sure how I'm going to put this. Going to participate or what might not be the most tactful way to put it.

"What do you want Harris?" he asks. And his voice, is sort of odd.

I swallow. And have I mentioned how close he is? Yeah I think I have. And I've just had his lips on mine. Softly. Restrained.

"Yurgh?"

Spike raises his eyebrows. And I turn red. He pins me with his eyes.

"Tell me what you want Harris," he says, and there's something in his voice, that’s just a bit scary. Intense.

I cough and try the whole making actual words come out of my mouth thing again. Ok, I’m getting a bit irritated too now, because, a) horny, b) horny, c) Spike not doing anything about a or b.

"Why Spike?" I ask. "What do *you* want?" Why can't he just seduce me already?

His face is barely inches from mine. "Just tell me Xander," and there's a hint of a growl.

"You, ok, Spike, I want you," I snap.

"Then show me," he says.

Ok, I get it, I did the big rejection thing last time. So this time I have to take control.

Ok.

So I do.

************

Xander's tongue snakes into my mouth and he kisses me fiercely. He starts pulling me, us, towards his bedroom. And oh, hello, he pushes me up against the wall and…yeah, bloody hell yes…I know I whimper. I forget sometimes how much bigger than me he is. Not now. That gangly body presses me into the wall, his groin rubbing insistently against mine. His tongue in my mouth. My hands run through his hair as we devour each other.

Been to long. He better bloody not change his mind this time.

***********

I pull back from Spike, trying to gasp in air. Then we're at each other's mouths again. But still, Spike's doing that, holding back thing. It's weird, I'm not used to taking charge. I'm used to Anya taking charge. Hell I'm used to everyone taking charge. I've never taken charge. Except when I played that bondage game with An, but even then she told me what to do. Now Spike's not leading or anything. Crap, that means I've got to lead. I don't like leading. Ok, we're kissing, that's good. There's rubbing of groins and assorted body parts, also good. Spike's made whimpery noises when I pushed him against the wall. Guess he kind of liked that.

And yes, the thought does occur to me that maybe he just wants me to show him I want him.

Ok, I'll take charge. Spike whimpers again. This could be fun. I start walking us to the bed.

***********

Xander's hands are up under my wet shirt now, pushing the sodden material up my body. I stop myself from just ripping his clothes off and instead imitate his actions. Hands are on my belt, under my shirt, at my sides. I fumble at his zipper as my button fly is undone.

But he pulls away from my hands and starts exploring my neck with his mouth, his hands still roaming over my wet skin. He slips around behind me and moulds his body against mine, he's hard against my arse. I reach back and run my hands over his sides, not trying to hold him to me, mind. Just touching. Those hands of his pull my shirt up and Xander pulls back for a minute while I pull the wet material off over my head. He pulls me back against him and rubs his body against mine while his hands do a bit of exploring. An' I just let him.

**********

I push Spike's sodden jeans off his hips, and press my still clothed groin into his bare ass. I press into him hard, mock fucking him almost. He grinds back against me and oh, tingles, really good tingles. I run my hand over his hard abs and up across is chest. And I just want to fuck him now.

**********

My jeans are stuck halfway down my thighs, wet denim's a bugger, but I don't bother trying to fix that problem because Xander is behind me and he's hard and his hands are running over me and one's on my chest and he's tweaking my nipples. And the other hand….oh yeah, pet, good, like that. He rubs himself against my arse and I feel his lips on my neck and ear. I reach my hand up and back and run it through his hair as he nuzzles my neck. His other hand strokes my cock and I put my free hand on his and we rock together for a couple of moments.

Fuck this is heaven.

Oi, where's he going?

Oh. Lube.

************

I grab the lube and squirt some onto my fingers. Spike hisses sharply as I slide my hand between his butt cheeks. I press my body back against him and start stroking him again as I try to feel inside him. Try to find that spot. The one that makes me see stars.

************

Oh fuck yes. A slick finger, then another is inside me. I know I'm panting. And he starts stroking my dick again, while he explores me in this awkward position. Suddenly he pushes me onto the bed. And I hear him undo his pants and I feel him kneel behind me. Yeah, pet, just give me a good hard shag.

The slick fingers invade me again. I bury my face into the bed and arch up for him. My cock rubs against the bed cover. Yeah pet, yeah Xander. Good. Please, do that. Oh yes pet, that's it, that's the spot. I muffle a moan into the mattress. Just letting him do this. Let him show me he wants me. He's a quick learner. Stretching me wider, preparing me, making me ready. Making me buck and whimper just by touching that spot he found.

Oh fuck, his cock. Oh fuck. Oh yes. Xander yes.

************

I thrust into Spike and it feels so good. I had almost forgotten what it felt like inside him. He feels so good. Feels so good. Oh god. Oh fuck. Feels so fucking good.

***********

Xander hands dig roughly into my hips and he pounds into me. Good pet. Do that. Show me you want me. Show me pet. He wants me. Wants me so much. Show me Xander. Show me. So hard. So hard. He grips my hips tighter and slams himself so hard into me. Pushing me forward, rubbing my cock against the bed. So far inside me. So hard. Show me Xander. Show me.

And I hear him moaning and grunting and panting out stupid nothings. Telling me how good I feel. Telling me how much he wants to fuck me. Praying to all and sundry and telling me he missed me all at once.

***********

Oh god, oh yes. I start to babble I know I do. A slow thought starts to build in my mind. Spike's face is buried in the bed and his hands clench the sheets. I watch the muscles of his back ripple with each thrust as he arches up. Then I realise what the thought is. Spike's just lying there. He's just making these sort of grunting, panting sounds. He's not making all those good sounds he usually does. No "fuck yes, Xander, pet yeah, like that," none of those sounds that send flashes to my groin. He's just…taking it. I stop.

"Spike? Are you ok?"

"Yes, bloody hell, don't stop."

Ok. But I can't, can't keep…not…With shock I let go of his hips. I didn't even know I was holding them so tightly, and I lean forward over him, supporting myself above him with my arms. I feel him shudder beneath me as the movement pushes me inside him deep. My lips graze over his shoulders, over his neck and I pull out a little and push in slowly.
He arches up against me at my thrust and I take the opportunity to wrap my arm around him, pulling him sheer against my body.

He groans and I bury my face in his neck, in his still damp hair.

"Fuck me, Xan, please," he says in a voice that throbs with something I don't think I understand. So I pull out and in, moving deep inside him.
Oh fuck yes, this is good. So good. He's so good. Why did I take so long to get here?

************

Ohfuckyesbloodyhellxanfuckyes. His weight on me, enfolding me, covering me, claiming me. And he's hardly moving, tiny, tiny thrusts deep inside me. And I can feel his lips on my shoulders, on my neck, on my ear. Words are being whispered, breathed against me.

"So tight, so good, Spike, so good, please Spike, tell me Spike, tell me, tell me."

"Yeah, Xan, yeah love, yeah it's good, yeah fuck yes, deeper pet," and I groan because he's started pulling out now, pulling out and moving back in, so slowly, so fucking painfully, deliciously slow. Pulling out, pulling out, just so, just enough to- oh fuck! Yes! I arch up against him as he hits that spot, and then the little bugger does it again, ohfuck, again, ogodoyes, and again, harder and harder till I'm talking in tongues pretty much or at least in several obscure demon languages. And he keeps thrusting and we're both moaning and panting and talking shit, and ohfuck. I'm gonna…ohbloodyfuckinghellyes, I'm cumming.

"Xander! Fuckyes! Ohgoddyesssss!"

"YesSpikeyes, oh shit yes! Oh Spike!" And he grunts out his release deep inside me.

***********

I fall onto the bed panting. Man. Man that was…wow. Intense. Fuck. I lie there panting.

"That was intense," I say. I get no response. I look up and Spike's just sitting there. His wet jeans still around his thighs. I watch as he stands and tries to pull them back up a bit, to cover himself. They make it mid buttock. I watch as he walks a bit unsteadily into the lounge room, watch through the door as he pulls his cigarettes out of his duster and walks back into the bedroom. He sits back down on the end of the bed where he was and tries to light a damp cigarette. It's then that I notice that his hands are shaking.

I don't know what to say.

"Spike? You ok?"

He nods.

"I…I didn't hurt you did I?" The sleep that was threatening to overtake me is gone, replaced by something that feels like nausea.

He shakes his head. "Nothing I didn't like anyway." Oh good, a smile.

I don't know what to do. Should I make a funny remark, get us back into our friendly banter, light mood zone? But that seems wrong. Wrong after…that. I move forward a bit. He gets his cigarette lit and lifts it to his lips with shaking hands. Probably not the time to mention my no smoking in the bedroom policy I just made up.

I decide to just stop thinking.

***********

I feel strong arms slip around my waist and a warm body against my back. A warm body, albeit one in damp clothes.

"Hey," Xander says softly. And I get a twisting feeling in my gut.

"Hey," I say and wrap my left arm around his. He rests his chin on my shoulder.

I feel like I've got a big ball of emotion inside me. I don't know what I feel. He's right; that was intense. Can't just laugh that one off. It was too much. My chest feels tight. And we just sit there for a bit while I smoke my cigarette.

***********

Spike finishes his cigarette and crushes it out on the sole of his boot before aiming the butt towards my bin.

"So," he says. "You and demon girl broke up."

"Yeah," I say.

"Oh." There's a pause, then he says. "So you wouldn't care if I ask her out then?"

For a brief horrible moment I suspect that might have been Spike's plan all along. But no, he's joking. Good. That's good. Never thought I'd be happy to see joking Spike, but I am. I snort.
"Gee Spike, should've asked when I was still with her, we might've been able to get a threesome going." I feel slightly bad because that might be disrespectful to Anya, but then Spike chuckles, and things feel a bit better. I let go of him.

"I'm going to pass out, come and lie down with me," I say, letting myself fall over sideways. He turns around and grins at me.

"No stamina," he says, then undoes his boots and kicks them off before stripping off his still damp jeans.

I realise I'm still in my wet clothes so I peel off my shirt and pants as well. I throw the clothes on the floor then crawl up the bed to my nice comfy pillow and I feel the bed sink down beside me.
He lies on his back, arms behind his head, starring at the ceiling.

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"That was great."

"Yeah, mate, it was."

************

He makes a sleepy chuckling sound.

"Oh it's mate now is it, gee Spike, no love, no pet, no honey?"

"Nuh, think I'm a bloody poofter or something?" I say.

He's obviously thinking about how ridiculous a statement that is considering what we just did.

"You homosexual Spike? Never. Now get that sweet ass of yours over here so I can give you a great big kiss, love muffin."

I laugh and kick him.

I don't know what's going to happen next, what he wants.

Think I've bloody gone and fallen for him. Fuck.

*************

We lie there for a bit longer. I'm still in shock over the great sex. I can't believe I didn't know if I wanted this or not.

"Spike?" I say.

He makes a sound that indicates he can hear me but is too tired or lazy to bother using actual words.

"I missed this too." And I hope he knows what I'm referring to - what he said at the concert, before I stopped kissing him.

"Good," he growls. "Now shut the fuck up and come here." He pulls me against him and for once I'm the one being spooned. It feels good.

"Course, if you get back with Anya again tomorrow I'm going to bloody kill the both of you."

I snort, half asleep now. "You'd commit homicide for me. Gosh Spike, that's…very, very scary."

And he laughs against my back and just that sound makes me feel so good.

This is nice.

***********

end of part 6