I don’t see Xander Harris for a whole entire day. Good effort on my part I think. After sundown on Sunday night, I drop by a liquor store and grab a six pack of beer. The good imported stuff.

I take the stairs two at a time up to the whelp’s apartment and then knock loudly on the door. It takes him a long time to answer.

“Hello love,” I say when he finally opens the door.

“Spike, hey,” he says. “Um…so, um, you want to come in?”

I raise an eyebrow and give him my patented leer.

“Um, right yep, come in.”

Something’s not right. Something’s wrong. Harris seems nervous, more than that, not happy to see me.

Fuck.

**********

Spike sits down on my couch, and quirks his eyebrow. Confident, sexy. It’s not helping, not now I’ve come to my decision.

“Um, listen Spike – I’ve got something I need to tell you,” I say, tucking my hands in my jeans so they’ll stop shaking. I look up at Spike and I feel sick. He hasn’t got that

sexy look anymore. His expression is suddenly cold, closed.

“Oh, and what’s that Harris? That you can’t see me anymore? That this is a bad idea? Well, save your breath pet, I’ll be on my way-“

“Spike! No, wait-“

He stops. Looking at me. Waiting for me to say whatever I’m going to say to make this not sound like what he just said.

“I’m not going to say that. Sheesh. Give me a chance here.” Ok, so I’m stalling. Cause, this is not going to be easy to say.

He just looks at me, waiting.

“I’ve been thinking. About us, about me and my incredibly bad luck with relationships-“

Spike smirks coldly. “So what, you’re gonna end this nice little fuck-game we’ve got going because you can’t keep a girl?”

“No- Spike! Just shut up and listen for a moment, ok? Fuck, I had what I wanted to say all planned out and everything.”

He shrugs and sits down. “Go on then.”

“I like you. I like what we’re doing. A lot. It’s just, this is how I start all my relationships. We fuck or grope or whatever, and then we just somehow end up going out. And…I like you. I want to be your friend.” I wince at this, expecting a derisive laugh and comment. Instead Spike keeps silent. Ok. Good. “But if we do keep doing this, we will end up in a relationship, even if we just mean it to be no strings sex, and it will be for the wrong reasons and it’ll end and just be, all bad. And…I guess what I’m saying is…if we’re going to end up together, I want it to be for the right reasons. I want it to be because we chose each other.”

Ok. It’s been said. Ok. I risk a glance at Spike. He’s just looking at me.

I feel sick. And the thing is, the thing that’s now dawning on me is that this whole plan rests on the assumption that Spike wants to be with me, wants me for more than happy groinal times. Just like I have these weird very-much-like feelings for him. What if he doesn’t?

Ok, yeah it’s much easier to be all self-denying and willing to give stuff up when it doesn’t seem like it’s going to happen.

*******

Bloody hell.

“Not quite sure what you’re saying there pet,” I say, cause I’m not. Harris looks down, studying his shoes. “Cause if you’re wanting hearts and roses and declarations of undying love, then I’m sorry pet, but I can’t give that to you.” I look away before continuing. “I love Buffy, you know that. Her being dead hasn’t changed that, too soon for that.”

Harris looks up. Big brown eyes. Hurt. “That’s not what I meant,” he says. “And I don’t love you either. But, I guess, I’m wondering if I could add a ‘yet’ to that. I guess I’m wondering if this is about more than fucking…I guess I wondering, if you met me in a club, would you ask me out?”

**********

Oh yeah, that really summed it up.

Spike gets up and walks to the window. He opens it to the night air and sits on a chair backwards, having a cigarette. He doesn’t say anything. Crap. And the realisation is starting to sink in that my little ultimatum - have this mean something or end it - might just mean the end of good times with Spike. And since when did just fucking become such a bad thing. What’s wrong with just fucking. Hey, we were having a good time. Stupid, stupid brain.

“Yeah,” says Spike suddenly, interrupting my thoughts. “I would.”

“Huh?” I say.

He turns and looks at me, and says super slow for the moron. “If I was in a club and I met you, yeah, I’d ask you out.” He puts his cigarette out and stands up. “I don’t love you Harris, but I like you. Too much. Think about you too much and want to be with you too much. Not sure if that’s what you’re looking for but it’s all I’ve got.”

And then he leers at me.

“So, can we fuck now?”

And I start to laugh. Not so much for the humour content, cause, he’s done that one before, but more because, I’m so relieved. And I hadn’t realised I’d been holding my breathe until then. And my stomach’s doing flip flop things.

********

Xander wipes his eyes, still grinning.

“Spike,” he says. “I like you too much too. And, if I met you in a club, I’d um, well actually, I’d probably just go home and panic about my sexuality.”

I grin at him. Bloody hell, damn kid, I’m getting soft. I should be ridiculing him, mocking him, crushing his self-esteem. But no, I’m standing here, grinning like a git. Happy.

Xander suddenly becomes serious.

“I think we could be together because we make each other laugh and because we both like tv and chocolate and the same movies.”

“People have been together for less,” I say in agreement.

“I think the hot sex is fun, but I’d be happy too if you just wanted to hang out with me. And I like hanging out with you more than I do…ok, a lot of people at the moment.”

He’s not bloody getting to me. I’m not getting all mushy and gooey. Am getting hard though.

“And if you feel the same way, then I’d like to keep hanging out with you and I’d like to, um, make with some of that kinky vamp lovin’.”

*******

I hold my breath. Spike just looking at me.

And then he swallows.

“Ok,” he says. “Let’s give it a shot.” He smirks at me then. “And if it makes you feel better, it’s because we both like each other, and find each other bloody attractive, an’ it’s not convenience or just sex or any of that rot.”

“Ok,” I say. “Cool. Um. Ok.”

Spike sighs and rolls his eyes, and then grabs me and kisses me. Mmmm, oh yeah. Spike pushes me up against the fridge and I feel his groin and leg pressing into mine. And my hands are bunching up his shirt and grabbing his butt and pulling him closer too me. And he’s holding me tight.

I pull back. Ah, oxygen.

Spike looks at me and shakes his head, but his eyes are soft.

“Pillock,” he says.

“Bleached menace,” I say.

“You gonna stop worrying bout this now and just let me have my evil perverted way with you?”

“Um, maybe?”

“I bought beer?”

“Mmm beer,” I say. “The perfect accompaniment to any date.”

“Yeah baby, gonna treat you real good. What’s on telly?”

********

So we sit and watch car racing on telly and drink beer and eat pizza, an’ I keep my hands off Harris for most of the night, which is more than I can say for him - Mr Wants More than Fucking turned into a bloody octopus. Finally I give in and I show Xander how you can watch tv and still get fucked up the arse at the same time. 

********

Spike bends me over my coffee table and does that, gah, thing he does with his tongue, oh and the fingers, and the lube…ok, and now his dick.

“Lean back,” he says when he’s deep inside me. So I do, and he pulls me back so he’s sitting on the couch and I’m sitting on his lap. On his cock.

Oh yeah. Makes me appreciate the shopping network a whole lot more watching it this way. Spike moves his legs just so and grunts a little as he shifts inside me. And then he sits back comfortably, pulling me against him, and just starts lifting a little with his hips. Feels good…ok, really good. His hands rest on my lap and play with my erection and I feel him nibbling on my ear as I flick through the channels in between Michael Schumaker’s laps.

********

This is pretty bloody close to heaven I think. Xander’s warm body covers me, surrounds me with his scent, his warmth, as he leans back comfortably against me. Lovely tightness around my cock as I run my hand over his erection and up underneath his t-shirt, feeling that warmth, his soft skin. Xander’s free hand rests beside us, running over my bare thigh. I lift my hips up and down slowly, making tiny thrusts deep inside him. Here, now, I feel more satisfied than I have in a long time. Don’t care about cumming, just about being like this.

**********

Mmmm, this is nice. A guy could get really used to this. Spike’s arms around me, touching me in the good bad touch way, running over my stomach and over my thighs in slow circles. Gentle and slow and just comfortable. It’s nice. I guess Spike is trying to be all relationshippy tonight. Which is also kinda nice. He licks my neck and then returns to my ear, making me shiver.  As I shift slightly I’m reminded pleasantly that I am impaled on Spike’s cock here. I decide to try something out. I clench my ass muscles. Spike groans. Ok, mission accomplished. Heh.

He thrusts up deep inside me. Oh yeah. I clench again, and he thrusts, until we get into a rhythm of clench, thrust, clench, thrust. We’re fucking without moving very much at all.

Spike doesn’t say anything through all of this, and neither do I. It’s like we don’t need to. That just doing and feeling and touching is more than enough. Just being together.

*********

The whelp’s breathing heavy now, and his cock is straining against my hand. I’m pretty close myself. I let go of Xander’s cock and put my hands on his hips, lifting him up slightly so I can thrust deeper. He leans forward, bracing himself on his knees, lifting his arse for me, one hand reaching to pull himself. Once, twice, a third long thrust, then ohfuckyes, I’m cum..mingg…

********

Spike groans softly as he comes. He lets go of my hips and pulls me back against me, his hand returning to my erection. Ok, makes that two hands…

I let out an unintelligible sound which was meant to be “Oh yeah Spike” as his hands cover me, long firm strokes.

“You like this, love?” he asks me softly, kissing my shoulder.

I nod. “Uhuh,” I manage.

“I like touching your hard beautiful cock, like being inside you. Like having this big, hard, beautiful cock inside me,” he says.

I grunt out a yeah and then I come.

I relax back against Spike. Boneless. He wraps his arms around me tightly. 

And just about then I hear a knock on the door.

“Oh fuck.”

I’m covered in cum, Spike’s still inside me, my pants are around my ankles.

“Ignore them, pet, they’ll go away,” murmurs Spike, not even loosening his hold. And that’s sort of nice too.

I groan. “It could be important.”

Spike sighs. “Yeah, s’pose, but haven’t they heard of telephoning.”

There’s another knock.

**********

“Just a minute!” Xander calls out and pulls off me. I’m still hard, and sticky from some recent orgasming, but I tuck myself away and do up my pants. My hands are still covered in Xander’s cum, so I wander into the kitchen and wash them. Xander hovers for moment, trousers around his ankles, trying to decide whether to deal with the cum on him or his pants first. He pulls off his t-shirt and wipes his stomach, then pulls up his trousers.

“Want me to get the door pet?” I ask.

“Um, yeah, no wait. I’m good. I’ll get it.”

“Xan, shirt,” I say.

“Oh yeah, right,” and he hands me his cum stained one.

“Love, I meant you’d better put one on, might be one of your mates. They’re gonna wonder why you’re sitting around with me half naked.”

********

It hits me then, what Spike is saying, what he’s offering. He’s offering to keep this, us, a secret from my friends.

I open my mouth to protest, but Spike just raises his eyebrows. He’s right. I’m not ready to do the outing thing yet.

“Go finish up, I’ll get the door,” he says. He throws the dirty t-shirt at me.

I nod dumbly and run to my bedroom to find something to put on.

I hear Spike open the door in the next room.

“Hullo love.” I hear him say.

“Spike! What are you doing here. Where is Xander?”

Anya.

Oh fuck.

I hurry into the living room.

“An’ hey!”

“Hello Xander. What took you so long to answer the door?”

Spike wriggles his eyebrows at me and withdraws. Obviously he’s going to leave this one to me.

“Sorry, I was just washing my hands, pizza-“ I shrug in a convincing manner if I do say so myself.

“Well, I just came over to return some more of your items I found in my apartment,” says Anya obviously accepting my explanation. She hands me a plastic bag of stuff and looks closely at me. “You’re looking very flushed Xander. Are you feeling sick?“

“I’m fine, heh, not feeling sick at all. Uh, thanks,” I say quickly taking the bag. “I, uh, I’ve got some of your things too- “ I grab a bag from the top of the fridge full of tampons and other assorted female type products I found in the bathroom.

“Thank you,” says Anya. She looks at me sternly. “I was concerned when Willow said she couldn’t contact you yesterday after you went to fight those demons.”

I laugh nervously. I’ve already had that call from Willow this morning. So I might have taken the phone off the hook on Saturday when I was momentarily busy having a day of fucking with Spike, it’s not like I was in any actual danger or anything. Wills was seriously pissed off. I’m gonna have to do some major league peace making… tomorrow. And don’t even ask what excuse I gave to my best friend in the whole world. I played the tired, sore and injured card. And told her I accidentally knocked the receiver off the phone.

“Heh, yeah, I was kinda tired-“

“I mean, that was the sort of thing you did when we were together and having post-trauma sex. And then, when I got here, you took a long time to answer the door…”

I gulp. Oh crap. I didn’t want An’ to find out, not yet, not like this.

“So obviously I assumed you were lying to me when you said there wasn’t someone else.  But now I see its just Spike here. So I’m very happy and relieved.”

I try not to sigh with relief. Because hey, now would be a good time to be honest. I involuntarily glance at Spike. He’s sprawled on the couch, watching us and looking very amused.

“Um, yeah, just Spike, doing the old hanging out.”

“Oh, I see. Well, I thought you might like to spend some time with me, but since you have Spike visiting, I’ll go home now.”

And yes, I’m feeling guilty.

“An’ wait, you don’t have to go, you can stay and hang out-“

“No,” says Anya. She looked at the empty pizza boxes and beer bottles and the sport on the television. And Spike on my couch. Please don’t let her notice the lube. Please don’t let her notice the lube.  “As much as I want to do platonic activities with you Xander, I don’t think I would enjoy participating in your male bonding session.”

I’m not blushing. And no, the thought of a ménage a Xander/Spike/Anya did not just enter my head. And I wish Spike would stop smirking.

“An’ seriously it’s fine,” I say. “Spike and I were…just watching television.”

Anya smiles sadly. And yeah, I’m such a bastard.

“I understand Xander. You have your own life now. I’m pleased to see you’re making male friends.”

“Do- do you want to meet for lunch tomorrow or something?”

Anya smiles then. Oh yeah, Xander the jerk is such a hero.

“Yes, that would be nice.”

Spike looks at me steadily as I shut the door and walk back to the couch.

**********

“Sorry,” says Xander.

“What for? Course you’re going to do the right thing by your ex. It’s what you white hats do.”

“I mean about not telling her about us-“

And this is why this kid is doing my head in. Which is why I’m gonna make this easy on him. I lift me chin and look at him squarely.

“Yeah, about that, how about we don’t tell any of your mates for a while. No use them getting their knickers in a knot if we might not even work out.”

And the relief on the kid’s face is at once both a kick in the guts and all the thanks I need. 

But then Xander looks at me.

“It’s ok Spike. I know I’m being weak here. And I will tell them, I just need some time. But I appreciate you trying to cover for me.”

Bloody hell. I should just kiss him. I lean back on the couch.

“Covering nothing whelp. How’d you think it will look for my reputation as the Big Bad if it gets out that I let some kid regularly arse fuck me into the mattress?” 

********

Oh. Ok. Hadn’t thought about that. I know I’m dreading telling the guys that Spike and I are looking at being significant others, more even than telling them I’m batting for the other team now, but I didn’t think that Spike might be embarrassed about being with me. I mean, he might still be covering, trying to make me feel like it’s his decision not to tell people so I won’t feel guilty. But what if he’s not. Ok, and now I’m feeling guilty for ever feeling embarrassed about wanting *him*.

“Hey.”

I look up. And Spike’s looking at me, amused.

“That was an invitation by the way.”

Oh.

Ok.

And then we’re kissing and I’m undoing Spike’s jeans and pulling them down to his knees and pushing his legs back up against his chest. And I’m pushing a finger in and then two and making him gasp and then I’m kneeling next to him on the couch and I’m pushing my dick inside him. And we’re both groaning and grunting and panting and making all those good sex sounds.

**********

I grip my legs behind my knees, holding them close to my chest, opening myself to Xander. He’s holding me with one hand and bracing himself with the other on the side of the couch, but then he leans forward, pulling my legs up over his shoulders, and pushes in so bloody deep.

“Fuck yes, Xander,” I bite out, wrapping my fingers in his hair and pulling him to me, kissing him hard. He gasps my name as he pulls back and then kisses me again.

And we stay like that for, all right, not much bloody longer, because we’re thrusting against each other hard and then cumming just as hard.

Xander collapses against me and I let my legs slide off his shoulders. We just lie there.

“So, want another beer?” Xander asks after a couple of minutes.

“Yeah, sounds good.”

He goes to get up and groans.

“Second thoughts lets leave that for ooh about half an hour?”

And I laugh. And that’s why I’m here.

*******

I lie there for a bit more, and it feels good and completely right to be lying on top of Spike, just letting him hold me, and letting me just hold him. I haven’t completely analysed why I like Spike so much, but I think this right feeling has something to do with it. That and he gets me. And he laughs at my jokes.

Then I remember my surprise. A sort of ‘something that Spike would like’ present I got just in case the discussion worked out ok. And yep, am thinking it worked out very ok.

So I struggle to my feet and wobble to the kitchen and get two beers out of the fridge and also a bag of cold blood.

*********

I lie on the couch, completely satisfied. Can’t be bothered pulling up me jeans. I hear a pop, pop as Xander takes the caps off the beer bottles.

I hear the whir and then beep of the microwave before it sinks in that I *have* actually been smelling that smell I thought I smelt.

He bought me blood.

Xander Harris bought me blood.

He’s grinning as he hands me the warm mug.

I look at him, curious.

He grins and shrugs. “Hey, what kind of relationship would this be if I didn’t let you eat?”

“Ta love,” I say, but it doesn’t come out as ironic and casual as I want it to. And I look away. Bloody hell.  Now he’s really done my head in.

*******

The look on Spike’s face was definitely worth the effort of buying that blood. Purchasing fresh blood isn’t as easy as it seems. For a start, butchers don’t like to deal direct because they don’t exactly want vampires coming into their shops. So I had to go to this dodgy guy who I’m pretty sure is a demon. And there was some general creepiness and wigginess. But Spike’s expression, sort of amazed and touched and pleased – definitely worth every gooey minute.

I grab my beer and sit down next to Spike. Things are kind of quite for a moment. I’m not sure whether cuddling would be appropriate. So I just let my foot touch Spike’s. Spike drinks his blood and I’m not quite sure what to say now. But this is me, here, so I talk anyway.

“So, um, I got that whole work thing tomorrow, and I guess I’d better get some sleep, you want to stay tonight?”

Spike shrugs and puts down his mug, wiping his mouth.

“Yeah, might as well.”

“Cool, great.” I can’t help my pleased smile, and I have to look away as Spike gets this odd kinda pleased look. But then I recover enough to add, “Only if you’re not going to hog the blankets bleach-boy.”

Spike smirks.

“Harris, I’m gonna be too busy listening to you snore to hog any blankets.”

 “Oh right, yeah cause I’m the one-“ I stop. “You know you’re not wearing any pants right?”

“Yeah, glad you noticed.”

“Ok, good.”

********

end of part 8