Previously:

Xander and Spike had a “Talk” and Xander and Spike decided that yes, they did want each other, that no they didn’t love each other just yet, and yes they did want to try to have a relationship. Shagging and sleeping over ensued. Oh and Anya nearly sprung them.

************

There’s something good about companionship. Great sex aside, having someone to talk to and share a joke with is what life’s about, or unlife if you want to be pedantic.

And yeah I spend too much time at Harris’s and when I’m not there he usually ends up at my place.

The kid’s funny and nasty and if he could just get over his obsession with being a good guy, things would be perfect. Bloody hell. I’m not kidding anybody, he’s heroic and loyal and too bloody self-righteous, and he wouldn’t be Xan without it. Sides it gives us something to fight about.

Going all right though, this bloody stupid idea to have a “relationship”, haven’t heard the whelp complaining anyway. And yeah, I guess he’s right about it, probably would’ve got to this stage anyway without the talking, but it’s nice to know we’re doing this because we both want it and it’s not just convenient or experimental or just sex. I’ve already said I’m love’s bitch, don’t need to repeat it.

Feel happier now, though, than I have in a long time.

*******

So things are going well. Really well. I’m talking lot’s of fun, and me and Spike actually enjoying being with each other. We do everything together and *want* to be together. I find out stuff about him that I would never have guessed in a million years and I tell him stuff about me. And its cool. And have I mentioned fun. And sometimes, ok, nice. Plus sex.

Oh yeah, the great sex. All kinds of sex. Hot sex, fierce sex, tender sex, fun sex, lazy sex, kinky sex. 

Somehow I can’t tell the others though. It just seems, never the right time. And also, I kinda don’t want them to wreck this. I don’t want people being negative and spoiling this really good thing I’ve got going with Spike. So I don’t end up telling them. We just let it go and figure they’ll work it out eventually. It’s not like we hide that we’re friends. We don’t make out in front of anyone or anything, and we NEVER hold hands anyway, but it’s not like we pretend to hate each other.

It’s Willow that says something first. And even then she doesn’t really know. We’re at the Magic Box and Spike has just arrived. He grins at me and indicates that he’s going out the back for a smoke. I nod.

“It’s a good thing you’re already dead Spike or else I’d be making you quit those things.”

He smirks.

“Don’t worry mate, I won’t let any of those nasty carcinogens get near your precious lungs.”

“Idiot,” I tell him.

“Wanker,” he grins and heads outside.

“You and Spike are spending a lot of time together lately,” she says. I feel my heart racing and I know I go red. But there’s sort of this feeling of relief, finally they know. But then Willow continues. “I think it’s great. Really great. I mean, you need a friend, and Spike seems much happier lately. Dawnie was getting really worried about him, he seemed so sad.”

“Yeah, well, what can I say, he’s pretty cool when he’s not trying to kill us.” And no, I know, that’s not me telling all.

And that seems to be the end of that, except that I don’t realise that Anya is nearby.

“And he must be pretty good at sex too, because, after all, you gave me up for him.”

It’s said in a completely friendly manner, totally Anya, totally honest. I should have known she’d realise. I open my mouth to say something, anything, but it’s Willow that speaks first. She lays into Anya for being rude, for being spiteful. And An’ just stares at her, bewildered.

“I don’t understand why you’re being so mean to me Willow. It’s true. Xander and Spike are lovers.”

And she says that about loud enough for everyone in the room to hear, and turn and look at me. At least Giles is in England. But still, Tara and Dawn look at me, and I think it’s finally occurring to Willow that what Anya is saying might be true. My mouth is still open. And then I see Anya looking at me, tearful, wanting me to back her up, vindicate her (and yes I know what that word means). And I figure I owe her that much.

Before I can change my mind, the words just come out of my mouth.

“Heh, funny thing, An’s right, Spike and I are doing the wild monkey dance,” I say.

Anya smiles triumphantly.

“I told you they were homosexual,” she says. And suddenly I’m sorry I didn’t tell her from the start, because I realise now that she’s been looking for an answer about us. And being gay was the right one. And then she hugs me.

“I’m being very supportive,” she tells everyone. And in her own way she has. Because I know Anya and she didn’t push or get vocal, or try to get me to talk about it or even plot revenge, she just let us be. I feel suddenly very sad that things didn’t work between us.

“Xander?” breathes Willow. She looks shocked, almost disgusted. It hurts.

“Sorry Willow, I…should have told you before, it just never seemed the right time.” Lame. Very lame Xander.

And Spike chooses that moment to come back into the room.

*******

I walk into the room in time to see Xander being rounded on by Red. Xander looks miserable and by the accusing looks I get I’m thinking a certain big announcement has just been made. Willow’s looking at Xander like he’s stomped on her childhood memories or something. Anya, well Anyanka looks quite happy actually which is a relief. Red’s lover is nervous but that’s nothing new, and the Nibblet is just looking offended.

“Why didn’t you tell me you were gay?” Dawn demands immediately.

I raise my eyebrows and look at Xander. So they do know. He looks back at me, pained and apologetic looking. I feel like shit that this has to be so hard for him, angry that it has to be, but on the other hand I don’t have to pretend anymore. Fun for a while, but the excitement of sneaking around wears off after a bit. But Dawn’s still glaring at me, wanting an answer.

“Wasn’t exactly, um well, it just happened Bit.”

“So you love Xander now?”

 I glance over at my companion of three months and two days.

“Maybe love, if not, then I’m well on the way to.”

Xander meets my gaze across the room and he smiles shyly. And I prove myself a bigger poof than Angel and smile shyly back.

“So is that why you’re always over there watching movies?” Dawn says, interrupting our moment.

I grin. “Something like that pet. Haven’t been neglecting you have I Little Bit?”

She scowls.

“Hey, like I care if you want to be gross with Xander.”

“Sorry Dawnie,” says Xander.

She won’t even look at him.

“Here, Dawn, be nice to Xander, not his fault I’m incredibly irresistible.”

“Yeah, right, get over yourself Spike,” Dawn says.

“Xander,” says Willow then. “Can I talk to you in private?”

Xan winces and I give him my encouraging look. I’m not so much worried that Red will talk him out of this, but that she’ll get upset when he doesn’t listen to her. Because, that’s the thing, I know Xander now, and I know that what we have can withstand even Willow Rosenberg.

“So, Spike,” says Anya. “I hope you are giving Xander a lot of orgasms.”

********

I follow Willow into the training room. She doesn’t look at me.

“You’re…you’re happy?”

“Yeah,” I say simply.

 Willow nods.

“Because you know, he’s a vampire, and I know I was just saying it was great you guys are friends, but I don’t want you to get hurt and he’s still evil despite the chip-And how come I didn’t know you were gay?“

“Will, it’s ok,” I say. I sound calming, I hope I sound calming, do I sound calming? Willow looks a bit calmer.  “Spike isn’t making me do anything and even if he could hurt me, which he can’t, chip remember, he wouldn’t.”

Willow looks sceptical.

I shrug, “What and lose his ticket to free beer and cable?”

Willow sighs, then puts on her resolved face. “Xander, you should have told me.”

“I know. But, don’t take this the wrong way Will, but I knew you’d freak, I thought Anya would freak too, and, ok, I didn’t want to spoil what was going on with Spike.”

Willow bites her lip.

“I’m sorry Xander. I shouldn’t be all judgy, but I just worry and look at what happened with Buffy and Angel-“

I grin, which is probably the wrong thing to do. “Hey, no soul to lose, so I’m cool there.”

“Xander,” growls Willow.

“I’m fine, it’s fine, but I want you to be ok with this.”

“You’re definitely happy?”

I nod.

“Ok. Ok. I can deal. I’m good with the dealing. Hey I dated a werewolf.”

“And hello, I’m not the only gay one in this room.”

Willow grins. “Welcome to my alternative, alternative lifestyle.”

*******

Anya and Dawn interrogate me while Harris is off smoothing Red’s ruffled feathers.

Anya is sure I’m not giving Xander enough orgasms. She’s instructed me to count them and report back to her. I ask them how they finally figured it out, and they tell me what happened. So Xander told them. The little happy quiver I get inside is best not mentioned but my appreciation for the size of the whelp’s knackers has increased ten-fold.

Dawn’s still a bit sulky.

“I think it’s nice they have each other,” says Willow’s girlfriend suddenly. “No, no offence Anya.”

“Ta love,” I say, causing the girl to give me a shy smile and duck her head. I glance at ex demon girl. “You aren’t mad pet?” I ask her.

“No. I was a little upset. After all, look at you and look at me. I’m a lot prettier. Xander being gay is the only possibly explanation for him choosing you over me. However, I can appreciate an attractive male body so I suppose if that’s what Xander was really after I can’t stand in his way.”

“He didn’t want to hurt you,” I say.

“I know,” said Anya. “Things weren’t right for a long time. That’s why I left in the first place.”

I nod. Wouldn’t have blamed Anyanka if she’d been right pissed off with the both of us. But her reaction now makes me respect her even more.

“Thanks, love,” I say. I hear the training room door open and Xander finally returns.

********

I see Spike turn and stand as I walk into the room. He’s looking questioningly at me and it makes my stomach flip flop. Ok, I’m being soppy, but it’s kinda cool to know that the person you care about cares about you too.

“So, how about that pizza?” I say. And Spike grins at me.

It’s all good.

Later that night as we walk back home, I do something I haven’t done before, I take Spike’s hand. He looks at me questioningly then squeezes back.

“Nice thing you did there mate, meant a lot to me,” he says.

“It’s time they knew,” I say. “Actually I feel relieved now that I’ve told them.”

Spike squeezes my hand again.

“Anya took it pretty well.”

I sigh. “Yeah, bit of a blow to the ego here. I mean, I’m not vengeance worthy?”

Spike laughs.

“Don’t worry pet, I’d rip someone’s throat out for you.”

“Yeah, but you’d do that anyway, so it doesn’t really count.”

He grins, then looks at me with an injured expression. “Yeah, but I’d rip someone’s throat out for you *even* if I still had the chip.”

“Oh,” I say. “I guess that means something then.”

Spike stops. He raises his eyebrows at me, and then takes advantage of having hold of my hand to pull me to him and kiss me hard.

“Let’s get home,” I say as I pull back panting.

“Best thing I’ve heard all bloody night,” says Spike.

And I gotta agree with him there.

*******

“So love,” I say two blocks later. “When you gonna tell the blokes at your work?”

“Oh they know,” says Xander.

“Yeah?”

“Apparently Joel has good gaydar.”

“And you told em you were?”

I feel suddenly proud of Harris. Would take a lot of balls to do that.

He shrugs.

“Yep, I said, ‘yeah, I’m gay, and every night I go home and fuck a vampire, guess you’re necrophilia-dar must be on the fritz there Joel’.”

I laugh. Little bastard. I can just imagine him, making them laugh, protecting himself.

“So guess you don’t want me along to the work Christmas party then,” I say. And I pout, but only cause it drives Harris wild.

Xander shakes his head, gives me a kiss and walks ahead.

“Of course you’re coming. They all want to meet you.”

******

I’ve only gone two steps when I get pounced by my vampire boyfriend, yeah my boyfriend, lover, fuck buddy, significant other, whatever, he pounces me. I stumble forward laughing as Spike grabs me from behind and licks my ear. Licking turns to kissing, not my ear, my mouth and soon we’re pretty much dry humping each other in the middle of the street.

“What was that about home?” I manage finally, when Spike pulls back to let me breath.

“Fuck home. Want to do you here.”

And because I’ve got Spike’s groin grinding into my groin and Spike’s tongue teasing my neck and ear and Spike’s hands doing all these other distracting things, I’m almost inclined to agree with him.

“Mmmmmohyeah, no wait. No, not quite ready for the public sodomy exhibition.”

Spike pulls up and for a second I think he’s going to go pouty again but then he’s on his feet and pulling me with him.

“Come on then.”

*********

“Um, Spike, this isn’t exactly the way to my place.”

“Nope,” I say.

“Oh.” There’s a pause. “So where *are* we going then?”

I push through some bushes into a secluded area of the park. Nice spot for waiting for prey.

“Here,” I say and spin Harris around and start kissing my bloody annoying lover. He pulls back and looks around.

“In the park?”

“No one around. Completely private.”

He opens his mouth to protest, but I unzip his fly.

“Come on pet,” I say as I drop to my knees. “Haven’t you ever wanted to get violated in a public place by a soulless demon.”

“Well since you put it that way…” and he groans, but I think it’s more what I’m doing than what I said. I take that beautiful cock of his into my mouth and do what vampires do best, suck. Bad pun, so stake me.

Xander’s hands slide through my hair and I grip his hips, holding him close to me.

Love how he needs me, love how he makes those soft, bitten-back moans, love his cock basically.

*********

I wrap my fingers in Spike’s hair, more for support than to keep him blowing me, because Spike never stops until I’m practically begging him to. I can feel my knees buckling already. Spike’s right, it’s completely secluded here. But the idea that someone might walk in on us, in on me, getting a blow job from Spike its….ok yeah, a major turn on. Anya was one for the everywhere and anywhere sexual experience but the most daring we got was the back of my car. Oh ok and one time at the beach. And the Magic Box. Never in the park though, in the middle of Sunnydale. I look down at Spike. It’s dark and all I can see is his white-blond hair and his eyes, looking up at me.

Ohfuck, so good. Damn. Yes. Ohgodddd…Gonna….

I sink onto my knees, panting, holding onto Spike. He’s grinning at me with that pleased with himself look, so I find his mouth and kiss him. He pulls back, breathing heavy. I still don’t know why he does that, but it turns me on. Maybe that’s why.

“Hands and knees pet,” he murmurs. “Want to take you here.”

And no, the idea isn’t losing its appeal. Spike shifts behind me and tugs my jeans down over my butt. He slides his hands over my ass, then around over my dick. I’m getting hard again, amazingly. I feel denim press against my butt and Spike strokes my cock and fondles my balls.

“Yeah, pet, you like this don’t you? Me taking you here, in the dark, where anyone could walk in on us, see me having you.”

I groan. I think that answers Spike’s question.

“This one of your fantasies love?” Spike asks softly. “Some bad vampire finding you in the dark an’ having his way with you?”

“Um, maybe one vampire?” I say. Spike’s hands leave my cock.

“Hmm, and who would that be?”  I hear the pop pop of Spike undoing his button fly.

I suppress the urge to say Angelus.

“You?” I ask.

Spike smacks me on the butt.

“Me,” he says firmly. “Me finding you out one night by yourself. And you think you’re done for, that the Big Bad is gonna drain you. But I don’t, not yet, instead I suck you off and make you get on your hands and knees-“

I breathe in sharply as Spike rubs the head of his cock over my anus. It’s slick with pre-cum.

“Make you offer your tight hole to me.”

I hear the sound of Spike looking through his pockets, then the sound of a cap behind removed from a tube. There’s a sudden cool wetness at my asshole. Ah lube. And then the initial fleeting discomfit as a finger pushes into my entrance. Oh, and then the pleasure. I groan. One then two slick fingers sliding in and out, scissoring, brushing my prostate, making me-

“Spike, please, you inside me-“

“Make you beg for my cock-“ Spike murmurs, continuing his fantasy.

“Please Spike,” I say, just to play along of course. Hah. Yeah right. Want him. Now.

“Please what Harris? Tell me what you want.”

Um, the formula for cold fusion?

“Your cock, Spike, fuck me, please.”

And then that wonderful feeling of his big dick sliding inside me, stretching me so wide, filling me completely, pressing that spot. I moan.

“Yess…yeah pet,” Spike hisses. “Fuck yes.”

********

Heaven, this is, think I’ve said that before, but it is. Heaven, being inside him. Being deep inside this boy, this man, my lover. Seeing him here, on all fours, me fucking him in the park, bloody erotic. I move slowly at first, letting that tight arse of his get used to me size, and then as he starts pushing back against me, I thrust harder.

“Like that don’t you Harris, you want my cock, you need it. Been waiting in the dark for the Big Bad to come and fuck you.”

Xander groans. “Harder, please Spike,” he pants. So I oblige.

We play these games we do, sometimes it’s Xander being the dominant one, pretending I’m a whore, sucking him off, getting on my knees for him, taking his cock, begging for it. Sometimes it’s me taking him like some slut. Sometimes we’re just equal and we make love, an’ sometimes we don’t fuck at all and just touch each other. 

Might be the game, the fantasy or it might be the fact that Harris is getting very hot and flushed and delicious, or it might be those emotions that ‘ve been building up in me all evening, but all of a sudden I vamp out.

*******

And suddenly, like *really* uhoh I’m dead, suddenly, Spike pulls out of me and I’m flipped on to my back and he’s leaning over me and that’s when I realise…

“Um, Spike, really getting into character here aren’t you?”

He doesn’t change back. He doesn’t even crack a smile. He just stares at me.

And it’s weird I’m not so much scared, more just nervous, and it’s not because I’m afraid of him, it’s more I’m nervous about where this is leading us. Big important relationship defining moment thing happening.  It’s not like we’ve discussed the vamp sex bite thing, but I know its there, sometimes Spike’s eyes change just for a second, just for a second they’re gold and hungry. We haven’t talked about it, but I know he wants it. And I think he can do it too, despite the chip, if I let him.

And I’m ok with it. Nervous, but ok with it.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” I say. And shut my eyes.

*********

Oh. Bloody hell. I don’t know whether to be touched or hurt or put off or bloody what.

“Don’t-“ I say.

Harris’s eyes open.

“Don’t just lie there like a sacrificial virgin.”

He blushes, which makes it harder, all that lovely blood rushing to the surface.

Xander blood.

“Expecting pain here Spike, what do you want me to do?”

I sit back on my heels.

“Bloody hell, I don’t know. Want it?”

He sits up and looks at his knees.

“Ok, here’s the thing,” he says. “I know you want to do this, so I want it because of that, but for me…not so sure I’m into the whole voluntary blood letting thing. Not exactly big on visits to the blood bank.”

I shift forward and lift up his chin. Big brown puppy dog eyes, worried, nervous, embarrassed. Xander. My face shifts back to normal.

“Here love, you’ve never been bitten have you?”

He shakes his head and laughs self-deprecatingly.

“Aside from some Dracula induced bug-eating, I’ve been relatively vamp free. Heh, saving myself for the right dead guy.”

He’s talking quickly, nervous. Don’t want that. Want my happy confident lover. I kiss him softly. And when I pull back he’s looking at me. I run my fingers over his cheek, down his jaw, over his smooth throat. Beautiful.

“It’s nothing like you’ve ever experienced love. It will hurt a bit, but love, it’s fuck, like flying. Why’dya think vampires do it during sex?”

He quirks a smile. “Munchies?”

Funny. He’s a funny one my Alexander Harris.

“No pillock, it’s passion, it’s fire, it’s because it feels bloody good.”

Xander has relaxed a bit. Good. Still the moment’s sort of gone so it doesn’t matter if I do this now. I want to do it soon though, now I’m remembering that fantastic flying feeling, to show him, to show him what it feels like.

********

Spike just looks at me. Then kisses me. He pulls back and he’s still got that serious expression, the one that makes me nervous because Spike is never this sincere. It means this is too important and I’m worried I’ll fuck things up.

“Don’t want to kill you love or turn you, you know that right?”

“Yeah,” I say. “Trust me Spike I wouldn’t be doing the sacrificial virgin if I thought that. I’d be the very sensible, running away not-so sacrificial virgin.”

He smirks and kisses me. And we kiss a bit more. And then we do some more kissing and Spike pushes me back onto the ground. His fingers find my ass and we’re doing a lot more than kissing. I lift one of my legs up, I’m getting pretty good at not getting tangled in my jeans, and Spike presses against me. He pulls back from my mouth and trails kisses down my jaw, to my neck

*******

Harris immediately tenses, but I just kiss and lick. I pull my fingers from his arse and push inside him. And I’m lost there for a moment, tasting his skin, smelling the blood so close to the surface, and feeling him so tight around me. So alive, breathing, pounding, hot, living.

“I love you Xander,” I say. Just say it. Because it’s true. And I thrust forward.

He arches his neck into my mouth and grips my back tightly.

“Love you too Spike,” he gasps.

I groan into his neck. I know it, but it’s good to hear it.

*******

God. Spike loves me. I mean I kind of know he does, he practically said it tonight, but this is actual saying it. It’s the one thing I missed about my relationship with Anya. The I Love You’s. And ok so *I* could have said it to Spike, but didn’t want to because of the potential embarrassment factor. Because he’d made it clear that he loved Buffy and it was all good anyway, and it’s hard enough saying I love you as it is. Because hey, I’m a guy here. And I didn’t want to say it first and I wasn’t even sure if I did love him. Ok, so I was sure, but I still couldn’t just say it.

Spike loves me.

And I said it too.

Good.

That’s good.

Oh fuck that feels good. I shudder as Spike nibbles gently on my neck. Nibbles and licks and oh his cock.

This feels so right.

********

Oh fucking hell, yes.

“Fuck, Xan, bloody hell you feel good,” I say. I thrust into him, faster. And he pushes against me, panting and groaning in the way he does when he’s getting close. We grunt and pump against each other and then it happens. My fangs drop and I bite.

“Oh fuck yes Spike!” Xander cries out. And as his blood hits my tongue I cum. Cum and cum.

********

I’m falling, and all I can feel is Spike’s cock and Spike’s mouth and this flowing, flying feeling. And ohhh fuck, Spike, yes.

I arch up against Spike, holding his head against my neck and his body close to me. And I’m still cumming.

********

Xander’s heart is loud in my ears and his body is almost burning me. But that blood, sweet and strong and…Xander. With a groan I pull back and lick his neck, closing the wound. We lie shuddering against each other for a long time.

“Huh,” says Xander after a while. “That’s got to be the longest orgasm I’ve ever had.”

I chuckle.

“Yeah love, me too. All right then?”

“Yep, I think I can say I’m very much with the vamp sex bite.”

I find his mouth and kiss him. Wonder if he can taste himself on me.

“We’ll save it for special occasions,” I say. “Don’t want you getting too pale and anaemic for a good hard shag.”

Xander thwaps me.

“And there I was thinking you were concerned about my well being,” he says.

*******

Spike shifts off me and I stretch and wince. Funny but my neck is the least hurting part of me.

“Can we go home to a nice comfortable bed now?” I ask.

“Whatever you want love,” he says and stands and helps me to my feet. He pulls me to him before I can even pull up my pants and we kiss again. I can still taste the tang of copper. Weird how it doesn’t seem gross. Spike rests his forehead against mine.

“Bloody hell love, you’ve made me drunk.” He dips his head down and licks at my neck again. “Taste so good.” With an audible intake of breath he lifts his head and we kiss again.

I decide to try out the ‘I love you’ again.

“I love you Spike,” I say and I don’t sound nervous at all.

“Mmm, love you too pet.” And Spike starts licking my neck again.

I laugh and push him off me.

“Ok, now I know that’s just the blood talking.”

He grins. Then looks down at my pants.

“Let me get them for you,” he says.

It takes Spike a while to get my pants pulled up and zipped. And by that time I’m ready to pass out into a nice little post-orgasmic sleep right there in the park.

“Home,” says Spike, standing up and wiping his mouth.

“Mmm,” I say. “Carry me?”

“Bugger off, “ says Spike as he slips his arm under my shoulder and helps me stand.

*******

I get the whelp home and undress him when he falls onto the bed exhausted. I’m still horny. Human blood will do that to you. Slayer’s blood even more. But blood during sex, that’s the stuff that will give you a high all day. I tuck Xander into bed and undress and crawl in beside him. He rolls over to me and kisses me sleepily. I feel like having a wank but I don’t want to move out of this position.

Best bloody feeling in the world.

And tomorrow it will be just as bloody good.

I lie awake and listen to Harris sleep. Listen to his heart and his breath and the occasional gurgle from his gut.

He’s in me now. And I can almost see his dreams. The colours are bright and for the first time the light doesn’t burn.

*********

I dream colourful dreams. I only notice because the colours are so bright, so deep and brilliant. I’m standing on a grassy hill and I’m looking out at a field that’s full of sunlight.

There’s sunlight everywhere. They’re weird dreams but not weird in a cheese guy, first slayer trying to kill me way, it’s a nice, wow kind of weird. And Spike’s in them.

I’m sore when I wake up but I’m also warm and Spike is draped across me, fast asleep. Waking up to Spike’s naked body is very much of the good.

I stretch shift a bit and he stirs. We do a sleepy cuddle realignment. I shut my eyes and decide to spend the day in bed.

“Xan,” mutters Spike in his sleep.

I smile and shut my eyes.

It’s good.

********

The End.