Xander blinked. "Excuse me? I'm *what*?"

But Buffy was already shaking her head. "No. Oh, no no no. See, that's not right, because Spike is marrying some weird slimy icky demon thing, and Xander's a human, and this is *so* not processing in my brain." She shot a perturbed glare at Lindsey. "And you! I don't know who you are, but you're just making my brain hurt more every time you call Xander 'Dad'. That is just freaky."

Angel finally noticed the lawyer's presence, and he vamped out, snarling. "You!" he spat out angrily.

Eyes wide, Lindsey ducked behind Xander. "Dad, he's a bad person. He cut off my hand!"

"What!?" Xander spun around, snatching Lindsey's wrist.

Lindsey wriggled his fingers. "Well, I have a new one now...but it hurt! A lot!"

Furious, Xander rounded on Angel. "You fucker," he hissed, "you waltz in here, rip my life to shreds, ruin my chance at happiness, and hurt my son?! Oh Deadboy, you are *so* gonna pay."

Lindsey shot a superior smirk at Angel. "Somebody's in trouble," he sing-songed.

"No bloodshed before the wedding!" Poe scolded, "Maybe after the wedding as part of your honeymoon, but not right now. You need to stay clean."

Xander suddenly grinned, "I think Spike might like me covered in the blood of his sire."

"*Ew*! Xander! You're not wigged out by having to marry *Spike* and...you're *not* a demon!" Buffy protested.

"Um, actually," Xander coughed, "you see, it won't be a problem ‘cause....uh, we....kind of have been...sleeping together since...that whole issue with the Gentlemen..."

"*What*?!" Buffy screeched, "But he said he loved *me*! Not that I would *ever* date him but...God!" She started stalking towards Xander but Doyle grabbed the back of her neck. "Hey! Doyle! He...let me go!"

"I wouldn't be much of a big brother if I let you do anything, y'know."

"Don't make me hurt you, boy." Buffy glared at Doyle, eyes flashing with warning.

Doyle laughed. "Oh, that's funny. You...hurt me?" He rolled his eyes. "I'm scared. See me shake?"

Xander tuned out their bickering for a moment, turning an annoyed look on his father. "So...I'm marrying Spike? And there was a reason you didn't let me know this? You know, like sometime between when I was *bawling* my *eyes* out in depression over his being missing and when I was rigid with terror that he might have been staked?"

Poe shrugged. "Oops?"

"*Oops*?!?" Xander flung his hands up in the air. "What the hell is *that* supposed to mean?"

"You know, none of this would have happened if you'd just been honest with me from the start, Dasani." Poe gave Xander a disapproving, fatherly sort of stare that Giles would have been proud of.

"Oh, so all this is *my* fault?" A thought struck him. "Woah, wait a sec. If I'm supposed to be marrying Spike, then where the *fuck* is he?"

Angel spoke up. "Well, we've been keeping him in a cage in the back, and--"

"Ahhhh!!!" Xander tore at his hair. "You fucking caged my lover? I'm...I'm...well, I don't know what I'm gonna do, but it sure ain't gonna be pretty!"

Poe sighed deeply. "Yes, this is my family."

Buffy sunk weakly into a chair the Willow helpfully pulled out for her. "God, I'm so confused."

Poe sighed loudly. "Would you like us to spell it out for you? Fine. The vampire Spike, childe of Angelus, was contracted to wed my son Dasani, who you know as Xander. This was, oh, a century ago give or take a decade." He held up a hand to forestall Buffy's imminent protests at this. "Contrary to your beliefs, Dasani is *not* human, he is in fact one of the Waremonochuui Akuma. Today is his 101st birthday, hence he shall be wed to one William the Bloody. Case closed, end of story, those with objections may see me after the wedding for an up-close tour of one of my torture chambers." He sat.

Angel scratched his head. "Um...Spike is marrying Xander?"

"Argh!" Poe cradled his head in his hands, whimpering softly. "Why me?" he muttered. "What did I do to deserve this?"

Xander kicked the leg of the chair he was sitting in. "You made me angst, that's what!" He pouted.

Willow walked over and punched him lightly on the arm. "Oh, cheer up! All's well that ends well, right?" She peeked around Xander to where Lindsey had wiggled his way back into Oz's arms. "Hey, Oz."

Oz waved. "Long time no see. How's the girlfriend?"

Willow beamed across the room at Tara. "She's fine; *we're* fine."

"Yeah? Cool. Thought you two would hit it off."

"Oh yeah. Thanks so much for introducing us."

Tara crossed the room, linking arms with her girlfriend. "Yeah," she agreed. "We might never have gotten together otherwise." She wrinkled her nose. "Mom wanted me to join a coven closer to home, but when Oz convinced Poe to send me to watch over his son...well, things couldn't have turned out better."

Buffy frowned. "Oz? I thought you, like, seriously hated Tara. Because of the whole girlfriend stealing thing. And why am I the only one who seems at all shocked about Xander being a demon? Which I *still* don't believe, by the way!"

Everyone -- well, except Angel and Buffy -- exchanged amused glances. Willow snickered. "Um, maybe 'cause everyone already knew that."

Buffy opened her mouth, then paused. Slowly, she turned to glare at her Watcher. "Giles?" she squeaked. "Tell me you didn't know about this?"

"I'm afraid I did, Buffy," he polished his glasses. "You see, for the past few years I've been his guardian, during the time that he was grounded."

"Grounded?" Buffy exclaimed, shaking her head.

Xander coughed, a blush rising in his cheeks. "Never assume that rose hips are the same as actual roses. Let's just...leave it at that, okay? Shut *up*, Willow," he glared at the snickering witch.

"Why didn't anyone tell me he was a demon?!" Buffy screeched, causing Poe, Angel and the other hearing sensitive people to wince.

"We were afraid you might...react badly before we had a chance to explain," Giles tried to soothe her.

Buffy was playing with a stake she had brought along. "I react *fine*!" To punctuate the last word, she threw her weapon, letting it sail right towards Xander. Luckily the boy jumped out of the way quickly enough.

Unluckily, his movement left Poe directly in the path of the flying object.

Poe quirked an eyebrow at the extremely sharp stake that he now clutched in his fist, bare millimeters from his skin. He looked up at Buffy, eyes flaming red with rage. "You just threw a stake at my son," he remarked in a calm, even tone.

Xander gulped and backed away. Giles, Oz and the witches followed suit, eyes wide. "Linds!" Oz hissed, tugging him back as well. "Trust me...you don't want to be in the line of fire."

Doyle had inched away too, flattening himself against the far wall, soon joined by all the others who know what an angry Poe was like.

Buffy stood in place, hands on hips. "You got a problem?"

With a quick flexing of muscles, Poe snapped the stake into splinters. "As a matter of fact, I do." He casually brushed the splinters off his clothes.

"I'm really starting to quiver," Buffy mocked. But then she was dangling in the air, her throat clasped in Poe's harsh grip. His nails dug into the flesh and her face was now mere inches from his.

"No one threatens my child. You could have killed him; I should kill you. My family is important to me, be they extended," his gaze flicked to Giles and the witches, "or true blooded family," now he turned to look at Lindsey, Doyle, and Xander.

"But," Buffy croaked, "he's not even your son! You vampire, he demon!"

Poe dropped her, "I won't even bother with you. You are like the other Slayers I've killed; you never understand what you're going to face." Buffy's face was flushed with indignity and lack of air. She would have said something but Angel laid a hand on her shoulder. Poe's entire attitude changed from deadly rage to fatherly caring in seconds.

"The wedding is soon, Dasani, I'm not telling you again, go get ready." Xander and Doyle looked at each other before erupting into giggles for unknown reason.

"We're gone, Pops!" Xander laughed and they left.

Poe turned his gaze to Lindsey. "And you, young man. You and I shall be having a little heart-to-heart later, hmm?"

Eyes wide, the lawyer swallowed hard. "Um, y-yeah. Sure." He relaxed when the steely eyes moved on to a new target. To Oz, he whispered, "I'm dead, aren't I?"

Oz quirked a grin. "Nah. He's just a little tense right now. He'll be much calmer after the wedding. And reception. And maybe a few weeks recuperation. And--"

"All right, I get the point!"

"Oh, don't worry. I'll protect you!" Oz pulled the taller man down for a bruising kiss.

Over their hushed conversation, Poe's voice sounded again. "Tara, Willow." The witches rushed forward. "I need you to make sure everything for the spell is in place. There's no room for errors here." They nodded, then hurried out.

"Giles. While I commend you on your job of looking after Dasani, I know he can be a handful at times, there are a few minor...details that you seemed to have overlooked." He held up a hand to forestall any stammered explanations. "Now, while I'm sure you had your reasons, it was hardly in my son's best interests to be left in the dark about some matters. We'll speak about this in length later."

Giles nodded, somewhat relieved that he'd escaped so lightly. For the moment, anyway.

Poe clapped his hands together. "Well, what's everyone standing around for? We have a wedding to get to, people!"

~~~~~

Spike fidgeted a lot more as the demon walked up to stand next to him. There was a soft smile playing on the edges of his mouth. Spike shook his head, Xander, Xander, Xander....

"We're gathered here today," the person working as priest started. Spike just let the words fade in and out. He still wanted to be with his Nummy. It didn't matter if the demon smelled so delicious...had the exotic look..."Hey, Bloody! Wake up!"

The demon snickered softly as Spike blinked. "What? What is it?"

"I need your wrist," the priest said in exasperation. He already had a wineglass filled with the other demon's blood. So. This was it. Spike was never going to see Xander again. He held out an arm and the priest cut a knife across it. He watched his blood drip into another glass.

The priest gave each of them the others' blood. Spike closed his eyes and slowly drank the thick liquid. His eyes popped open at the unique flavor.

Eyes shining with humor stared into his own, and Spike came as close to fainting as he ever had in his unlife. "Xan?" he whispered in disbelief.

"Hey Spike, like the new outfit?" Lips stretched into a wide grin, revealing long fangs that Spike found himself dying to lick.

Never one to hold back, he grabbed Xander and pulled him close, uniting their lips in a fierce, bloody kiss. His hands groped madly, plastering themselves to his lover's heated body, mapping out the new shape in intimate detail.

"Ahem."

They broke apart to find the priest glaring at them with affronted dignity.

"Bugger off," Spike growled before reattaching himself to Xander.

"You can't *do* that yet! It's not time!"

With a snarl, Spike released Xander, shooting the priest an evil glare. "Are you human?" he asked.

Baffled, the priest responded, "Only half. Why?"

Eyes narrowed, Spike lunged forward, determined to rip this annoying person to bloody bits.

Xander caught his arm, yanking him to a halt. "You can't kill the priest, Spike. Because then we won't be able to get married, and my dad will get upset, and he'll lock us in separate rooms until he finds another priest to marry us."

"Interrupt us again..." Spike drew a finger across his throat.

The priest's eyes widened and he coughed. "Uh, yes, well, I now pronounce you wed. You may...nail the consort!" he offered.

Xander and Spike's lips met again. Spike made a move that Xander had often pulled on him. He wrapped his tongue around one long fang and sucked hard. Xander's hands griped tightly on Spike's shoulders. The vampire nearly moaned in bloodlust as the claws pierced his flesh slightly.

They pulled back; Xander still had the need to breathe. "Don't stop on our account!" Oz called up. He and Lindsey seemed about ready to try the action with each other. Giles looked slightly uncomfortable, tugging his collar, while Poe was grinning slightly and shaking his head. Willow and Tara had these little smirks on their faces. Doyle gave Xander two thumbs up.

"So, luv," Spike commented as they walked from the priest, "when we're you gonna tell me we were getting married?"

Xander shifted back to his human form, "Trust me, I just found out like...a half hour ago."

Spike looked Xander's body up and down. "Now that I've seen you in all your glory....Might have spoiled me right off the bat."

"Guys," Lindsey broke in, "you can have sex under a table at the reception but this isn't the reception!"

Spike, just to spite everyone, pulled Xander into a hot kiss. The vampire was looking better than he had in days.

~~~~~

"You're bloody well joking!" Spike glared at his consort.

"Hey, don't look at me like that! I don't make these rules up!" Xander crossed his arms defensively, matching Spike glare for glare.

Spike pouted. "But they *said* we could! That one bloke said we were allowed to shag under the table now!"

Xander sighed, caressing the protruding lower lip. "Now love, my son can be a bit hasty sometimes, sex fiend that he is, but he means well. And we *can* shag...but first we open presents!"

Spike perked up. "Presents? How come no one mentioned any pressies? And--hold up...your son?"

Xander chuckled. "Um, I'll explain later."

"Uh-huh." Spike eyed him closely, not believing for a minute that Xander wouldn't try to weasel out of that. Then he shrugged. On to better things! "Well, let's get this done so we can get naked."

"True romantic," Xander smirked, "I got the very last, didn't I?"

"Damn straight," Spike grinned back.

"Just don't *shag* under my table," Doyle commented tossing them a small package.

"Awwww..." Xander whined as everyone else gave them their gifts.

Spike looked to Xander, "How am I supposed to use these? I mean you got them lovely claws," he looked a tad dazed, "so you won't be needing these." Mostly everyone had gotten them weapons and instruments of torture. "But I can't hurt humans, remember?"

Xander flew to Poe's side, bouncing up and down. "Can we tell him now, Daddy?! Can we?! Canwecanwecanwe?! *Pleeeeease*, for the love of god can we tell him now?!"

Poe laughed, placing his hands on the boy's shoulder. "Yes! Go on and tell him before some part of you explodes!"

Xander clapped his hands and scampered back to Spike's side. "Spiiiike, as my gift to you, Dad found a way to get rid of the chip!"

Spike gaped at him, dropping the dagger he held with a thunk. "He...you...what?"

Xander nodded excitedly. "Yep. He found this really cool spell, and the girls are getting everything set up, and the nasty chip will come out! Ain't it awesome?"

Spike's jaw worked up and down without producing sound. His eyes just stared hugely at his consort.

Xander frowned. "Spike?" He poked the vampire with a finger, producing no reaction. "Uh, Spike?" Still nothing. Xander whirled back to his father. "Daddy! I think he's broken!" He pouted. "And we haven't even gotten to the honeymoon part yet!"

"Xander," Spike whispered hoarsely, "please, by all you hold dear, tell me you're not joking."

Sighing with relief, Xander hugged Spike close. "Would I lie to you?" He paused, considering his words. "Ok, yes, since I've pretty much lied to you about the whole me being a demon thing, although really, that was more like avoiding telling the truth, not outright lying. But would I lie about *this*?"

"You better not be," Spike pulled him to rest on his hip. Xander smiled and kissed his cheeks. "Well let's get going! I'm wasting killing and shagging time!"

Poe shook his head. "What have I done to my poor child?"

"Well, they *were* shagging for a while before," Oz offered.

"Don't remind me...and you *knew*?"

"...Heh, no, I guessed?" Oz hid behind Lindsey. "Look! Xander's son! Talk!"

Xander and Spike hurried to find Willow and Tara before the carnage started to mock Spike. The girls were ready for them with the candles and like. Xander gave a kiss to each of the witches before scampering off to the side.

The spell was simple enough; it amounted to simply turning a switch off. The only problem came at the end of the spell when Xander gave a strangled yelp. The witches and vampire turned to see Angel holding Xander tightly and Buffy with a stake. "Don't worry, Xander, we'll get rid of Spike and you'll be fine," she commented.

She rushed at Spike but was shocked when he punched her. Spike grinned viciously at her before stalking forward.

Angel's grip tightened harder on Xander until the boy yelped loudly for his father.

Poe's head shot up as his ears caught the sound. He growled when he saw the spectacle across the large room. Rage burned high within him as he stalked over.

Angel held on to the struggling demon, deftly evading wild swings by hands that once again sported long, wickedly sharp claws. "Xander..." he gasped as a knee managed to connect with his groin, but managed to stay upright and keep his hold on Xander. "Xander, stop it. This'll be over soon, just let Buffy do her job."

Xander slammed his head back, trying to knock the vampire off balance. Twisting his neck, he sank his teeth into Angel's upper arm, making him grunt in pain.

Angel was beginning to get annoyed with Xander. Here he was, just trying to help, and-- A shadow fell over him, and he looked up.

Immediately, his arms fell slack, releasing Xander. Angel took a step back, cringing under the malicious glare being directed at him. Somehow, it hadn't quite sunk in that Xander -- goofy, quirky, underachieving Xander -- was Poe's son. *Poe's* son.

Xander scrambled to hide behind Poe, whimpering softly. Poe's face was contorted in rage, which was multiplied by his vampire visage. "Dasani, are you okay?" his voice was soft to his son. Xander nodded, still hiding. Angel had really freaked him out, although he shouldn't have been surprised.

"Poe...it's uh, not what you think," Angel tried to explain.

"What am I supposed to think then?? You made me a promise long ago, Angelus."

"I didn't know your child was Xander!" Angel spread his hands. "I mean, I may not like Xander, but I want to protect him, and Spike...."

"Yes well, I may not like Spike but he is now a Zakari." Poe drew himself up to complete height, looking like he was stretching his shadow to make himself larger. "No one messes with the Zakari family."

"Yes, yes, quite," Giles broke in. Angel felt everything about him droop in relief at the return of sanity. "Get Spike and go speak with Lindsey. We can deal with Buffy and Angel." Spike grinned viciously at the bleeding Slayer before sauntering to his consort.

Xander let Spike lead him away, but paused midstep, turning back to Poe. "Um, Dad? That thing you said about not liking Spike? You didn't, like, mean that, did you? You do like Spike, don't you?" His eyes widened hopefully.

Poe cleared his throat. "We'll talk about it later, Dasani," he replied, avoiding the question.

Xander pouted. "But--"

Spike tugged his arm. "Xan, he said *later*! I wanna go shag now." Spike gave Xander his own version of puppy-dog eyes, complete with a quivering lower lip.

Xander melted immediately. Grabbing Spike's hand, he yanked the vampire close and planted a deep, possessive kiss on his lips.

Spike held back a snicker at the abrupt change attitude, not wanting to jinx his luck. "Say bye to your father now, luv."

Xander waved distractedly in Poe's general direction, keeping the majority of his attention on various parts of Spike's anatomy as the vampire squirmed in his arms.

"Boys!" Poe barked out, glaring. "Take it to your room!" He rolled his eyes almost fondly as the newlyweds stumbled away, hands still groping insistently.

~~~~~

"Hey, pet," Spike growled nipping an ear, "how about showing me that demon side of you?"

"What?" Xander smiled coyly, claws and fangs popping out, "You mean this? Why, love?" Spike pulled him close, running a hand over those dangerous claws. Their lips joined again and Spike let his vampire face fall into place. Their fangs devoured at each other.

Spike crowded Xander to the bed, pushing him down and crawling over his body. His hands skimmed up under the loose white shirt, finding a nipple to toy with. Xander threw back his head and moaned softly as Spike suckled on his neck, leaving a mark.

Spike's hard cock was pushing against Xander's, and Xander needed relief so badly. It was obvious Spike did too.

But then, Xander did so love to torment his vampire, and certainly didn't want this to be over too quickly. After all, he hadn't been able to touch that pale, silky skin for *days* now, and he was going to make up for the lack.

With that thought in mind, he rolled them both over until he was above Spike. With a feral grin baring his gleaming fangs, he slowly sliced Spike's pristine white clothing off his body. "Thought white was for virgins," he snickered as he peeled the clinging bits of cloth away.

Spike gasped as a clawed finger traced around his nipples. "Would you...ah! Would you have as much fun with...yes!...with a bloody virgin?" He snarled as the touch disappeared.

Xander sat back, cocking his head thoughtfully. "A bloody one? Hmm, maybe..." Then his eyes flashed wickedly. "Well, we'll just have to pretend you're a virgin, and I'm about to ravish you."

Spike smirked up at his love. "Oh, feel free to ravish away." He sprawled his body out invitingly.

"Yeah, but...something's missing." Another thoughtful pause, then Xander snapped his fingers. "Got it!" He pawed through the tattered remains of Spike's wedding apparel, retrieving several long strips of material. "Spike, be a good 'virgin' for me and hold onto the headboard."

Spike blinked blankly for a moment, then smirked. "An' what if I don't wanna?"

Xander narrowed his eyes as he perused his husband. "Oh, you'll want to. Trust me."

Spike just chuckled softly and rolled onto his stomach, tucking his arms under him.

Xander stared at the pale skin that shone in the moonlight, glowing almost surreally. He couldn't help himself; he reached out a hand and traced a winding path up Spike's back, ending at the nape of his neck so his fingers could curl into silky strands of hair.

Spike purred softly, arching as his scalp was massaged briefly before the hand once more made it's way across his back, petting, stroking, teasing his sensitive skin.

Xander grinned as he let his fingers play over Spike's trembling body. Moving lower, he gently stroked down the vampire's thighs, tickling softly in that spot just behind his knees. Spike groaned and parted his legs, offering himself up for Xander's further examination. He shivered as a warm gust of air ghosted its way along his body as Xander drew closer. Hand slid back up, stroking over the curve of Spike's ass. Xander lovingly squeezed each cheek, then leaned forward and, with a devilish grin, nipped one sharply.

Spike yelped, bucking upwards. He tried to turn over, but Xander's hands held his hips insistently in place. Then, a soft, wet tongue slid over the tingling spot, laving the wounded flesh. Spike's head fell against the bed with a thump.

Xander resisted the urge to torment the vampire mercilessly with teasing little nips and bites, since he didn't actually think he could hold out much longer himself. Not with Spike laid out so invitingly under him. Instead, he carefully parted the mounds of flesh, stroking his thumb over the quivering ring of muscle that was revealed.

Spike hissed at the slight touch. Twisting his upper body, he flailed about with an arm for the tube that he vaguely remembered having seen nearby. After only a minor amount of blind searching, he came across it. With a muttered litany of thanks, he tossed the tube over his shoulder toward Xander.

With a laugh, Xander took advantage of Spike's change in position, quickly binding his hands to the headboard. "That's better," he growled softly, making Spike shiver. Then he picked up the tube and expertly opened it with one hand, while the other resumed its teasing. He squeezed a bit of the lube out onto his fingers, rubbing the slickness into pale skin, puling back slightly when Spike tried to impale himself on the slippery digits.

"Bloody hell Xander! Just do it!" He did his best to glare over his shoulder at the human, but the effect was ruined by the whimper that escaped him when a finger abruptly made its way inside his body.

Xander loved this part. The sight and feel of Spike's taut flesh slowly relaxing and accepting a part of him inside. Become greedy in its demand for more, the mindless contractions of muscle as he found that one spot inside and nudged it repeatedly. Spike's broken moans and curses as he tried to get him to move faster, harder.

Breathlessly, Xander removed his fingers, moving to kneel between parted legs. He bent down, covering Spike's smaller body with his own, pressing feverish kisses onto the vampire's damp shoulders and neck as he slowly pushed himself inside.

Spike let out a low moan as he was entered, filled by Xander's heat and hardness. Nothing else could ever compare to being taken like this, by this wonderful, beautiful human. His human. His Xander.

Xander knew he couldn't last long. Not with Spike's cool body encasing him snugly, rippling around and under him. Panting, he pulled out, then quickly plunged back in. His mouth worked at the curve of Spike's neck, sucking fiercely at the tender area.

Spike made what little movements he could while pinned down by Xander's greater bulk. He clenched his muscles, jerking his hips up and down, grinding his own hardness into the mattress.

Xander sped up, sliding quickly in and out of Spike's clinging passage. Soon, he was moving with almost bruising force, hands leaving red welts on Spike's body as he gripped it harshly with each thrust.

~~~~~

Poe sighed slightly, looking to the others. "I don't think Dasani and his mate will be joining us anytime soon."

Lindsey giggled, "They're making out," he whispered loudly. Oz laughed but choked it off at the glare. "Sorry, sir," he grinned.

Poe rolled his eyes, "No you're not, don't lie." He pointed a finger at Oz, "You two do not leave, got it? I'll be having a talk with you. I have to check on Giles and the others."

"Bye, grandpa!" Lindsey called and laughed at the vampire's shudder. Poe walked down the stairs and into something like a dungeon. He always did have good tastes in buildings. Angel was in a cage while Buffy was chained to the wall.

Giles had gone into Ripper mode while Doyle and the witches had a bowl of popcorn in their laps. "What kind of spell are you guys under?!" Buffy cried, "This is wrong!"

Willow munched the food as she answered, "No see, you're wrong. No spell, we're just doing what we're meant to. I couldn't let you hurt my friend of childhood."

"He's a demon! A very old demon!" Angel tried to reason.

"And who says I wasn't old??" Willow huffed slightly, "I just look really good. I just never remembered what Poe looked like. Bad memory."

Angel snapped his gaze to his former friend who was supposed to be dead. "Doyle...what's your part in all of this?"

Doyle sipped from a bottle of beer. "He's my baby half brother. Same mom, different dads. I thought I was the only demon in the family..."

*****