*****

"Anya, it's not like that--"

Anya picked up a book and threw it across the basement, sending a lamp crashing to the floor. "Three days, Xander. Three days! And you haven't given me one single orgasm! Don't you like me any more?"

Xander slumped into his chair, ignoring the mess. "Of course I do, I just wasn't in the mood to--" He winced as a high-pitched, piercing shriek cut him off.

"Oh my god." Anya stared at him wide eyed, tears brimming up. "Oh. My. God. You're gay."

Xander bolted upright. "What? I'm *what*!?"

"It all makes sense now. I...I saw this on a talk show last week. The girl doesn't get orgasms because the guy's not in the mood, and it turns out he's gay."

"Anya, I'm *so* not gay." He shook his head in derision, not really believing she could be serious.

Anya sniffled some more. "And now you're in denial. It's one of the stages."

"Stages? What--?" Xander took a deep breath. "Anya, sweetie, I think you're a little confused here. Now, think about it." He walked carefully over to her, patting her back comfortingly. "If I were gay, I wouldn't have dated girls my whole life, now would I?"

"Yes you would. It's called repression." She moved away, turning to stare intently at him. Looking him up and down, she nodded. "I should have seen it before." Backing away, she gave Xander a quivering smile. "I think...I'd better go now."

"Go? What--Why--? Anya!" He made a move toward her, but stopped as she began to shake her head fiercely. //Ok, not of the good. Major panic mode here!// "Anya, please. What are you doing?"

"I...I guess I'm breaking up with you, Xander. You're obviously gay, and I can't date someone isn't going to want sex with me."

"Anya, listen to me here. I. Am. Not. Gay!"

Upset over Xander's continued denials, Anya glared at him. "Yes you are! You are gay!" She stamped her foot to emphasize the loudly vocalized exclamation. Looking at his stricken expression, she calmed somewhat. "It's ok, Xander. It was nice while it lasted. You give good orgasms. You just need to accept the truth about yourself and find a nice boy to settle down with." She started up the steps.

Pausing with her hand on the doorknob, she looked back at her shell- shocked boyfriend. "And make sure you find one with a big dick. Those are lots of fun. Oh, and experience is a plus, too. There's a lot to be said for a man with plenty of experience." With that, she opened the door and left.

Xander blinked at the closed door. Dazed, he stumbled over to his bed, collapsing bonelessly onto it. ///What...just happened?// He frowned as he went over the entire conversation in his head, trying to figure out when exactly he'd entered the Twilight Zone. Then again, this was Sunnyhell.

Flopping over to stare dejectedly at the ceiling, he sighed, pondering on whether that last bit of oh-so-helpful advice was some sort of veiled insult.

*****
Part 2:

Beverly Harris sipped from a half-empty bottle of gin, flipping through the assorted soaps and talks shows that were currently airing. Finally stopping on good old Jerry, she settled in, a warm buzz enveloping her. A crash from the basement roused her a bit, but she ignored it. //Boy's probably at it again with that girlfriend of his.//

The scream made her bold upright. //What the--?// She stumbled upright, weaving her way over to the basement door. Poised to open it, she paused when she heard her son's muffled voice shout out the word 'Gay!'. Eyes wide, she pressed her ear against the door, listening avidly.

A more feminine voice this time, with an exclaimed 'You are gay!'. Bev gasped. //Who--? Xander's gay? Oh my god!// She shifted closer, barely making out the next few word. '...nice boy to settle down with.' Hearing footsteps coming up the stairs, she backed quickly away, slipping around the doorway.

The basement door opened and shut, the footsteps receded across the kitchen, then the outer door was closed with a soft click. Shakily, Bev made her way back to the living room, where she dropped onto the sofa and stared blankly at the TV, the forgotten bottle still clutched in her hand.

//Gay. Xander's...gay. Gay?// She blinked fuzzily, thinking that over. //It...does kind of make sense. I mean, the clothes...and he always seemed a bit...different.// The more she thought about it in her alcohol-induced haze, the more the concept seemed to fit the overall image she held of her son. She focused on the TV again, catching the tail end of Jerry's 'Final Thought'.

"...no matter how different or unusual your loved one's chosen lifestyle may be, it's important to show them, through words and actions, that you are there for them. That you love them..."

//Oh. Oh! Yes. Of course! I have to...yes!// She stared at the bottle she held, then set it down on the end table. Heading for the kitchen and the coffeepot, she determined to do right by her homosexual son. //I mean, I may not have won any 'Mother of the Year' awards, but here's my chance to prove that I'm not *that* bad of a mom!//

A few hours later, a reasonably sober Beverly Harris parked her car outside a bookstore and strode confidently inside. Glancing around, she headed for a section along the back wall. Browsing through the titles, she grinned triumphantly and pulled some from the shelf. A selection of audio cassettes caught her eye, and she pulled out the one entitled "Accepting Your Gay or Lesbian Child". //Perfect!//

She browsed a bit more, then made her way to the checkout counter. The cashier looked enquiringly at her selections, prompting her to offer an explanation. "I just found out my son is gay. Isn't that wonderful?" Bev pasted on a cheery smile.

"Of course, ma'am. You know, we also have some pamphlets that deal with this topic over by the door. They're free, you're welcome to pick some up on your way out."

"Really? That's great!" She handed over her credit card, signing the receipt. Taking the bag of her purchases with her, she stopped by the rack of pamphlets. Plucking out three or four relevant ones, she dropped them into her bag and left the store.

Bev slipped the cassette into her stereo, adjusting the earphones to fit her head. Pressing the 'play' button, she settled back with her pencil and pad of paper. The next hour or so was spent listening intently, with occasional pauses for her to write down important bits of information. As she jotted down another little hint, she glanced out the window, noticing how it was starting to get dark.

Knowing how Xander tended to go out at night to spend time with those odd friends of his, she turned off the tape, hurrying downstairs so she could catch him before he left. She arrived in time to see him open his door and walk out into the kitchen.

"Xander?"

About to go out the door, Xander turned and tilted his head at her questioningly. "Yeah?"

Fidgeting nervously for a second, Bev steeled her resolve. "I...I just wanted you to know that I... Well, I support you, no matter what. And I'm here for you if you want to talk about anything...new that might be developing in your life." She gazed at him earnestly.

Xander blinked. He sniffed surreptitiously, but didn't catch any recent scent of alcohol. Backing to the door, he turned the knob. "Um, yeah Mom. Sure. I'll, uh, I'll remember that."

"Because, you know, I won't judge you, or mock you or anything."

He rubbed the back of his neck. "That's...that's good to know. Um, I gotta go now, ok?"

Bev smiled brightly and nodded. "Oh, sure. You go...do your thing. Have fun!"

Xander swallowed, watching his mother bounce up the stairs. //Bounce? Geez, what is she on and where can I find some?// Shaking his head, he left the house, headed for the Scooby research meeting that had been scheduled.

Xander knocked on the door to Giles' place, then opened it and stepped inside. "Hey G-man! Guess who?"

Giles stuck his head around the door. "Ah, Xander. Excellent. Here you go." He walked over and transferred a large stack of dusty, boring looking books into Xander's arms.

Xander sneezed. "Woah, what happened, Buffy get fed up and staked Spike all over your books?"

"Hmm?" Distracted, Giles looked up from another thick tome, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "What was that?"

Sighing, Xander shook his head and made his way over to the table, where Buffy, Willow and Tara were already ensconced. Dumping his designated stack, he sat and opened the first book, waving the dust away from his face.

Willow glanced up briefly. "Hey Xander. Where's Anya?"

Xander grinned sickly. "Um, Anya? She, um, had a...thing. This...thing...to do. And couldn't make it. Yeah, that's it."

Willow wrinkled her brow, narrowing her eyes as Xander dove into his research with a degree of intensity that was unusual for him. "Oooo-kay." She stared at him a bit longer, then shrugged and went back to her own research.

Xander gazed at his book, not even registering the words on the page. His mind was still in a whirl processing the...situation with Anya. //Ok, so what? She...broke up with me? I mean, I think so. Because I'm gay. But I'm not! Gay, that is. *Way* not! *So* not into the whole guy thing. Huh-uh. No way. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it is *totally* not me.//

He sighed, slumping down in his chair. //And what is *up* with Mom? Geez, she was into something weird. I mean, that deal with the 'I support you' number. Christ, must be on another one of her self-help kicks. Great. Just what I need.// He made his fingers move to flip pages so no one would notice he wasn't exactly into the research thing tonight. He started when he turned the last page, lifting the back cover and closing the book with a thump.

Sighing again, he picked up the next and repeated the process. He managed to make his way through his entire stack, never actually absorbing a thing as his mind cranked over the same topics, trying to wrestle them into some semblance of coherency.

Finished with his stack, he stared at the books he'd gone through. //God, I hope there was nothing important in any of those.// He looked up at the clock, yawning.

Giles noticed and looked at the clock as well. "Oh, my. It's gotten rather late. Perhaps we should continue this tomorrow." The girls around the table closed their books, standing and stretching.

Xander pushed his chair back with a loud screech. "I'm, uh, I'm just gonna head home now. Tired, you know?" Moving swiftly, he walked out of the room, exiting the house before anyone could respond.

Buffy looked at the others. "Did any of you notice something weird going on with Xander? I mean, weirder than normal."

Willow nodded. "Something happened. He'll tell up when he's ready, though."

"Well," Giles placed Xander's pile of books back into the 'to read' stack. "Perhaps it would be best to go through that lot again."

Willow chuckled. "Probably. If I know Xander, not one bit of that information got processed tonight." She glanced toward the door Xander had disappeared through. "I wonder...do you think his mood had something to do with Anya? He sounded...strange when I asked about her."

Buffy shrugged. "We'll find out eventually."

The redhead frowned slightly. "I suppose. Still, I worry about him." She glanced toward the door again, sighing.

~~~~~~~~~~

Xander climbed down the stairs to his basement, flipping on the lights as he went. Sitting down to kick off his shoes, he noticed a couple of pamphlets on the coffee table. Curious, he leaned forward and picked one up.

"Dealing With Your Homosexuality" the title screamed at him. He dropped it as if burnt. Frantic, he pawed through the others. "Coming Out: A Guide To Gay Lifestyles", "So I'm Gay, Now What?", "Homosexuality: A Way Of Life".

//Oh God. Oh my God! Where--? What--? Who--?// He jerked his head up as he heard his door open and soft footsteps descend.

"Xander? Sweetie?"

Gulping audibly, he tried to shove the incriminating pamphlets under his pillow.

"Oh, you found the pamphlets I left for you. Did they help? Do you want to talk about anything?"

"You--you left them?" He stared down at the slips of glossy paper. "Um, why?"

"Oh honey, it's ok. You don't have to hide from *me*! I know you're gay. I'm fine with it. I accept your life choice. I think it's very brave of you."

Xander dropped his head into his hands, groaning. "Mom? Listen to me. I'm not gay."

"Nonsense. I...overheard...your conversation with that Anya girl. I'm not mad that you didn't want to tell me, but I'm totally supportive of you. Homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of." Bev bit her lip, seeing that her son was overcome at the moment. "Well, you just leaf through those. They're really very informative. I'll just be going to bed now. And Xander?"

"Yeah mom?" came the weak response.

"I just want to tell you that I love you, and support you, and there is nothing wrong with you. You're just the way nature made you." Smiling again, she turned and walked back up the stairs.

Xander whimpered, leaning back and thumping his head softly against the wall. //Why me? Why, why, why?//

The pamphlets fluttered to the floor.

*****
Part 3:

Xander darted from his house onto the dimly lit lawn. Stuffing his hands inside his pockets, he hunched over slightly and strode off down the street. //Oh, man. *Got* to get away from her!//

The last few days had been filled with more 'Supportive Mom' than he could handle. //I never thought I'd regret her not drinking so much. Problem is, now that she's mostly sober, she's hounding me with pamphlets and recommendations for support groups. I think I'm gonna hurl!//

He paused, leaning against a building and taking a deep breath. //Ok, just need to...calm down. Easy.// He breathed evenly a few times, then opened his eyes. //I can handle this. So what if my girlfriend broke up with me because she thinks I'm gay, and my Mom is being super tolerant of my *totally* non-existent homosexual leanings? Because I am *not* gay! Geez, at least no one else is involved in this little fiasco.//

Thankfully, Anya hadn't mentioned her little...conjecture to any of the others. She hadn't even mentioned the breakup, much less her reasoning behind it. //Yeah, that's *just* what I need!//

He watched the setting sun then, not wanting to deal with the Scoobies tonight, decided to head over to the Bronze. Hopefully, they wouldn't show up there.

~~~~~~~~~~

Frustrated, Bev watched her son race out of the house. She flung herself down into a chair in the dining room, propping her elbows on the table and scowling at the wall. //Oh, what do I do? He's in denial, and it's not good for him! How can I get him to admit his real feelings?//

She sighed, thinking. Then she remembered Anya's parting words a few days ago. Something about a 'nice boy to settle down with'. Bev brightened.

//That's it! I just need to set Xander up with a good boyfriend, then sit back and watch the sparks!.// She tilted her head. //Figuratively, anyway. But who?//

She ran through a mental list of Xander's male acquaintances. There had been that Jesse boy, but he'd disappeared a while back. That older man, Guy? George? Something like that. She'd only met him once, and he seemed kind of stuffy, though.

//Surely there's some other boys he hung around with?// She thought hard, when a vague image began to form. Slim, blond hair, wore a lot of black. //Didn't he stay over a few times? What was his name...William something or other. Oh! He's perfect! Very cute, and he's got that sexy foreign accent! And he's definitely gay, I mean, he *bleaches* his hair. Almost white!//

Extremely happy over solving the problem of *who* to set her son up with, she began to tackle the pesky little detail of *finding* the prospective boyfriend. //If I were a sexy, foreign gay man, where would I be?//

~~~~~~~~~~

Xander paced his basement nervously. His mother was up to something. He just knew it. She was much too...perky. And she'd been giving him the weirdest looks all day. //Man, why can't she just drop this?//

He heard a soft knocking on his door, and stared at it in trepidation. Clearing his throat, he braced himself and called, "Come in."

Bev peeked around the door. "Sweetie? I bought something for you." She came down into the room, holding out a neatly wrapped package.

Xander blinked at it. //Why do I get the feeling that opening that will be one of the worst mistakes of my life?// He took one look at his mother's hopeful face, noting again the lack of drunkenness in the gleam in her eyes, and gave in to the inevitable.

He took the package, sitting on his bed and unwrapping it slowly.

A book.

He turned the book over to see the cover. When it came into view, he nearly dropped it.

"The New Joy of Gay Sex".

"I thought it might, you know, be handy. Eventually. When you're ready. I was told it has a lot of good information about...stuff."

Xander swallowed hard. He gently placed the book on the bed next to him, then stood.

"Mom, hear me, ok? I am *not* gay. Not. Very strictly heterosexual here. Much liking of the females of the species. Ok?"

Bev put on a face which said clearly that she was humoring her delusional child. "Of course, Xander. But...you just keep that book, all right? Just in case." She gave him a quick peck on the cheek, then left.

Xander stood there. //Um, excuse me. Does *anyone* ever listen to me here?!// he dropped onto the bed, bouncing the book up so it flipped open. The flash of color caught his eye, and he turned to look.

//Oh. My. God!!!// Face turning a fiery red, he stared in shock at the extremely explicit picture of two men very obviously enjoying themselves in an...interlocking manner. Fascinated despite himself, he stared. He didn't notice as his breathing quickened and a finger reached out to trace the picture.

Realizing what he was doing, he snatched his hand back. Closing his eyes, he felt for the book and snapped it shut. He stood and looked around the room. //Where--?// He didn't see any place to stash the book where the title wouldn't be blatantly obvious, and for some reason that he didn't want to think about at the moment, couldn't bring himself to actually get rid of it either. Finally, he lifted the cushion of his recliner, placed the book down neatly, then adjusted the cushion back over it.

He then grabbed a jacket and left for yet another exciting meeting of the Scooby gang. //Maybe things will get back to what passes for normal soon.// On that hopeful note, he slipped out the door, careful to avoid any meetings with the pod person who had taken over his mother's body.

~~~~~~~~~~

Bev looked around the store, frustration mounting. In the week since she had picked out a boyfriend for her son, she had yet to find the man in question. //There aren't a lot of places to go in this town, and he *has* to eat eventually!// She wandered through the aisles, searching.

She'd been out all day, haunting the nearby grocery stores, with an occasional side adventure into a clothing place, but had had no luck. It was now way past dark, and she was about to call it a day. As she walked past the hair-care aisle, a shock of white-blonde hair caught her attention.

She froze and backed up. //Is it--?// Long black leather coat, pale hair. Could be. She offered up a quick prayer for luck and walked toward her prey. For a moment, she watched as the figure ran slim fingers across the different brands of hair dye. Steeling herself, she tapped his shoulder.

~~~~~~~~~~

Spike woke, sitting up and stretching. He stood and brushed himself off. A piece of hair clung to his sleeve, and he picked it up, holding it to his face. Squinting at it, he cursed. //Soddin' roots! I just bleached this bleedin' stuff a couple of months ago!// Sighing angrily, he checked the pockets of his duster for spare change.

Having determined that he could afford a box of hair dye, he left his crypt. Fifteen minutes of brisk walking brought him to the store, and he went inside, heading toward the hair-care aisle. Once there, he scanned the rows upon rows of boxes. So engrossed was he, he never noticed the woman step up behind him.

The tap on his shoulder startled him, and he whirled, barely keeping himself form going into game face. "What?!" He growled.

The woman smiled happily. "It *is* you!"

"S'cuse me?" //The bint's bloody mad. Do I attract these types, or what? Does look kind of familiar, though.// Spike tapped his foot, waiting impatiently. //Can't kill the human, can't kill the human.//

Bev just kept on smiling. "William, isn't it? You know my son."

He stared at her blankly. "That so?"

"Xander? You used to hang out with him in quite a bit. Always spending time together in the basement."

//Bloody Hell. The chit's that Harris boy's mum.// He just snorted, and turned back to his perusal of the shelves.

"I was wondering if maybe you'd like to come over for dinner, or drinks, or something?"

Poleaxed, Spike turned and raised his eyebrow. "What was that?" //If she keeps that smile up, she's gonna strain somethin'.//

Bev linked arms with him, chatting away happily. "Sure. I can cook something, and you two kids can do some...male bonding. Ooh! I've got this wonderful homemade hot chocolate that I do. You'll love it!"

"Dinner? You...want *me* to come over for...dinner?" Spike stared at her intently. //She's serious! What the--?// His brain backtracked a bit. "Hot chocolate?" He licked his lips. "You got any of those little marshmallows?"

"Well, I'm sure I could buy some. This is wonderful! Is tomorrow night good for you?"

"Yeah, fine," he replied absently. //*This* is Xander's mum? How come he never told me she made hot chocolate?//

"Oh, great! Terrific! I'll see you then. Let me just go pick up some marshmallows." Bev giggled, releasing her grip on Spike's arm. With barely a glance, she plucked a box off the shelf. "Here, this is your color." With that, she turned and left, nearly leaping for joy at the success of the first stage of her plot.

Spike watched her go, then looked down at the box. //Bloody -- this *is* my color!// Shaking his head, he moved off down the aisle. Suddenly, he chuckled. //That Harris boy is gonna be a bit thrown for a loop when I show up -- invited! -- on his doorstep tomorrow evenin'!//

Whistling softly, he tossed the box in the air, catching it and heading toward the checkout line.

*****