Disclaimer: They're mine. Except when they're not. Like now.

Notes: This was meant to be a response to my own challenge, but the plot doesn't quite fit with the challenge. Yeah, yeah I know, here I am spouting out challenges I can't even keep to. Shame on me. Shame!
WARNING: This is pure silliness. If you have problems with librairian smoochies you should progress no further. Please *god* do not take any of the following seriously.

It all began with an argument about decorations.

Usually the Scooby Gang had better things to argue, like should Buffy go after that demon alone? Should Willow reverse that spell? Or should Spike be staked or humilated?

In fact, this Christmas would be the first time the gang had been together instead of off with their respective families (if they had any) for the holiday.

Which, of course, meant that everything had to perfect.

The argument about decorations all came down to one little piece of weed. Mistletoe.

Buffy was arguing quite forcefully that it shouldn't be included in the decorations because it resulted in her ending up having to kiss all sorts of icky people she didn't like or who smelled bad.

Willow was arguing that Christmas wasn't Christmas without a mistletoe and that sometimes kissing a stranger was the best way to break the ice.

Buffy was determined.

Willow had her resolve face on.

In the end they had both stormed off in opposite directions, leaving the decorations half-done.

It was Tara who eventually came up with a solution. Seeing her girlfriend all mopey about her argument with Buffy made the wicth determined to solve things for her lover.

So Tara solved things the way she usually solved things:

With a spell.

The spell enchanted the mistletoe making it so that the little love-making weed would only hover over two people who were genuinely attracted to each other.

That way Willow could have her Christmassy Goodness and Buffy wouldn't have to kiss any icky people. And the two best friends hugged and made up and swore never to fight again.

Unfortuneately, the girls failed to consider what had happened last time they'd messed with attraction mojo on the Hellmouth. And so the girls had no idea what was in store for them.

Let's just say that things didn't turn out exactly as they'd planned.

Something funny was going on, Spike decided.

He'd been invited to Scooby Christmas Party by Red. He'd been about to scoff at her invitation when the words 'plenty of blood and lots of food' came out of her pretty little mouth.

"Sure, pet," he'd replied instead. "Tis' the season or whatever."

The little witch had grinned happily and scooted away.

And so here he was.

Master vampire, Scourge of Europe, the Big Bad, evil souless demon to the core, having Christmas sweets and a good mug of warmed pig's blood with the Slayer and her little gang of slayerettes, while they tottered around being friendly and chatty to one another, sung Christmas Carols, exchanged gifts and got severely snockered on Egg Nog.

It was beyond pathetic, Spike decided. Who was he bloody kidding? He was nothing more than a housepet. He was worse than the great pouf. At least Peaches had a soul to blame for hanging around with these losers. Spike was here by choice.

Even worse, the vamp bad boy with the sexy rockstar good looks had spent the last ten minutes getting a hard on from watching the whelp - Donut Boy, the most pathetic of all the slayerettes - devour a candycane from across the room.

The kid looked like he was giving the damn thing a blow job. And a damn good one at that. How on earth did the boy know how to give blow jobs to candycanes?

It was official - Spike had completely lost the plot.

And so he'd been sulking since he got here. That was until he noticed something decidedly funny going on.

It had started when the witches had turned up. They'd brought with them a piece of mangy looking weed which Spike recognised as mistletoe, and with a litte whisper and a giggle they'd pinned the mistletoe up above the front door.

The whole process had looked decidedly suspicious, so Spike had torn his gaze away from the whelp's candycane, (It had been a hard thing to do. Xander had finished sucking the tip off the cane and was now proceeding to deepthroat it) and focused his attention on the little weed above the door.

Sure enough within minutes of being pinned up, the weed began to hover through the air of it's own accord.

At first it had just wandered aimlessly around the room, like a new guest at a party, checking out the situation, but gradually it began to move with a purpose.

First it flew over to the two witches, who giggled and whispered at it's appearance and kissed passionately, giving Spike something else to think about aside from Xander's candycane.

Then the little weed had flown over to where the Slayer and Soldier Boy were having sickening snugglies on the couch. Buffy grinned when she looked up and saw the weed, and turned and gave the two witches the thumbs up before sticking her tongue down Farmboy's throat.

Spike tried not to retch and tried to think happy, even Christmasy, thoughts. Thoughts like Xander with that candy cane, Xander dressed up in a Santa pants and a Santa hat without a shirt on or Santa Xander kneeling before Spike and doing to the blond vampire what he'd done to the candycane.

Oh yeah. Back on track now.

Spike returned his attention to the stray weed. Farmboy had finally extracted himself from the Slayer - thank bloody christ - and was headed over the other side of the lounge room to talk to some of his commando friends who were gathered there.

Strangely enough the weed followed him across the room and proceeded to hover between him and the one called Graham to be studiously ignored by both of them.

Still perched on the sofa, Buffy watched her boyfriend with widened eyes and her jaw began to drop. She gave the two witches a gesture and the two of them glanced over in Riley's direction to see where the mistletoe was floating.

Red and her witch immediately rushed over to the commandos together and somehow coaxed the weed to follow them away. They gathered with Buffy on the couch and began to whisper. Spike listened in using his heightend vampiric hearing.

"Did you see that?" Buffy demanded.

"Maybe it was a glitch," Tara suggested. "I've never tried this a spell to reveal mutual attraction on an inanimate object before."

"But it was working!" Buffy protested. "It went over you two, it went over me and Riley, and then it...oh, I can't think about this! It's giving me the wiggins. Where is it now?"

Three pairs of eyes turned upwards to find the little weed floating about a foot above their heads, between Willow and Buffy. The two girls jumped away from each other simultaneously.

"It's glitchy," Willow declared. "There's definitely some glitches here. We should put it away."

"Right," Buffy agreed. "We'd better get it and...hey! Where'd it go?"

Spike had been watching the weed intently, and he caught the little thing flying across the room towards Giles. Spike noted with satisfaction as the little weed made a wide detour around Xander and Anya.

"I'll get it!" Willow offered and chased across the room after it, paying so much attention to the little weed that she ran straight into Giles. "Hmgleph," she said into his sweater.

"That's quite alright," Giles told her, his eyes a little glazy. Just how much Egg Nog had the old ducks consumed? The Watcher glanced upwards and saw the mistletoe hovering between him and the little witch. "Oh look mistletoe!" he observed and leant down to give Willow a kiss on the cheek.

Willow blushed a bright red and gave her girlfriend a helpless look. Tara rushed over to come to her rescue, and the mistletoe shifted, but to between Tara and Giles instead of Giles and Willow.

The old man was definitely snockered. "Oh look! More mistletoe!" he exclaimed, delighted, and leant down to kiss Tara on the cheek.

Buffy scowled. "If you want something done, you have to do it yourself," she muttered under her breath and stalked over to her drunk Watcher and the two witches.

The mistletoe shifted yet again, this time to between Giles and Buffy. Buffy blushed a bright red.

Giles grinned drunkenly. "Even more mistletoe!" he cried out in delight and gave Buffy a kiss on the cheek.

Spike snickered. Jesus bloody Christ. How much pulling power can an old man have?

Apparently quite a lot, Spike noted. Riley had noticed the commotion and wandered over to see what was going down. "Hey, that's my girlfriend, mister," he tried to joke.

But sure enough, the mistletoe floated from Buffy and Giles to Riley and Giles. Riley was still studiously ignoring the thing's very existence, but Giles was even more delighted if such a thing was possible.

"It must be my lucky day!" he exclaimed. "Even more mistletoe!" The old man swooped down and wrapped his arm around Riley's waist and pulled him into a passionate kiss, while Buffy looked on with growing mortification.

After a moment, when Buffy was finally able to pry them away from each other, she stamped her foot in frustration.

"Okay, that is enough!" she yelled. "This mistletoe is enchanted," she announced to the party. "It'll only hover between two people who are genuinely attracted to each other. Unless you want to be absolutely humilated, don't go near the thing," she warned them.

Anya frowned. "But it didn't go anywhere near Xander and me," her eyes widened in reognition. "You've been lying to me!" she exclaimed and stormed out.

"Huh?" Xander managed.

Spike grinned. Things couldn't have worked out more perfectly if he'd planned them. The blood vampire strode over the group standing around the mistletoe.

They made a very mismatched group. Riley was stil looking a bit dazed from the kiss, Giles was making eyes at the Soldier Boy and doing something that looked suspiciously like fluttering his eyelashes at him, Buffy was scowling at Riley and Giles alternately, and the two witches had the wisdom to looked embarassed.

Spike stood by Buffy, Riley and Giles and sure enough the mistletoe flew away over to the other side of the group to the two witches.

Spike grinned. Yep the thing definitely worked.

"C'mere Red," he ordered the little witch, pulling her by the arm. Looking a little dazed, she complied. Immediately, the little piece of weed floated between them. "Knew you had a thing for me, witch," he informed her with a devilish grin.

"Wha-" she began. "That is, I, um I don't..um.." she looked up at the weed floating above them and gulped.

"Relax, pet, I just need you to do me a favor," he assured her. "And it ain't a sexual one, so you can calm down."

"Wha-What?"

"Come with me," he took the witch by the arm and dragged her over to the couch where Xander was sitting. The little weed following them all the way. Xander looked up at the blond vampire with an expression partly conusion, partly desire with just a hint of anticipation. "You can go now, Red," he told the Witch, not letting his eyes leave Xander's. "This'll do just nicely."

The little witch scuttled off and the blond vampire reached down and took Xander by the hand and pulled him to his feet.

Xander gulped.

Spike grinned slyly and slipped an arm around the boy's waist, pulling his body close to his own.

"Umm," said Xander.

"Relax, luv," Spike urged him, blue eyes darting down to look at the boy's lips. He gestured to the mistletoe floating above them. "It's tradition," he told the brunette, before leaning down to catch the boy's lips in a searing kiss.

When they broke apart so that Xander could breath a few long moments later, they were faced with the dropping jaws of the entire Scooby Gang.

Spike gave them a grin. "I'm feeling generous, Slayer," he told Buffy. "So I'll take care of your weed problem," he informed her before whisking Xander out the door with a perky looking mistletoe trailing behind them.

Maybe they'd be able to russle up a Santa suit and some candycanes somewhere.

It was Christmas, after all.

The End