Disclaimer: They're not mine.

Notes: Basically my take on Xander's attitude during the Angelus period. Yes, I know I should be writing Warrior, but I get distracted easily. Thanks goes to FireHorse for the beta.

//It begins the same way it always does

It's late and Xander is alone. He's walking home from Buffy's after the debacle with the wayward love spell. Every inch of him is aching with exhaustion and all he wants to do is get home and crawl up in the dubious comfort of his cold, empty bed, and sleep.

He's less than two blocks away from home when he feels it. The slow, anticipatory prickle of fear that raises every hair on the back of his neck.

All of a sudden he is painfully aware that it is past midnight on the Hellmouth and he is out alone in the dark without so much as a stake or a cross.

A cold stab of fear shoots through him, making his heart constrict. His muscles tense and Xander finds that he can't seem to convince them to move. There is nothing he can do that will calm the wild stampeding of his heartbeat. Like a deer caught in headlights, he is frozen to the spot.

He's aware of someone standing directly behind him. He doesn't need to be able to turn around to know who or what it is. His senses pull together with a few recent memories and manage to make a giant intuitive leap.

A voice echoes in his head: "Perfect. I wanted to do something special for Buffy, well, to her, actually. But this is so much better..."

He feels a ghostly finger trace the line of his neck. He shivers and the fear begins to roll off of him in waves. When his captor finally speaks, Xander can hear the smirk in his voice.

"Xander," he sounds out the boy's name. "Fancy meeting you here." His voice drops to low, mocking tone. "You didn't really think I'd let Valentine's Day pass without getting her a gift, did you?"

Mustering all of his courage, Xander convinces his body to pull away from Angel and turn to face him. "You're not exactly the most thoughtful boyfriend," Xander points out, hating the quaver in his voice.

"I'm wounded," Angel replies, feigning hurt. An arm shoots out and he grasps Xander by the throat, pushing him roughlyagainst the wall of a nearby alley, pinning him there. He slips into game face, sneering at the boy. "Guess I'll have to make up for it, now."

"Kill one of her friends and make her stake them," Xander states for him. "It's gonna get old real quick, Deadboy," he tells him, trying desperately to erase the fear from his voice but failing miserably.

Angel pretends to consider what he says. "You're right," he answers finally. "It needs to be a little more romantic."

Grasping Xander by the hair, he yanks the boy away from the wall and turns him around, twisting his arm behind his back and pushing him face first against the cold brick.

He leans forward, so that his mouth is right by the boy's ear. "Thanks, Xander," he tells the boy. "You're such a help. For that, I think I might even let you live."

The confused relief that flows through Xander is so powerful that he is sure Angel must be able to smell it. A moment later, however, he feels cold fingers come around him and make short work of the fastenings of his jeans, before unceremoniously jerking them down past his hips.

Suddenly every bit of relief is replaced with cold, wretched fear as he realises what Angel's idea of romance is. Uncontrollable shivers rack his body and he feels the bile rising in his throat as his stomach contracts. He wants to retch, he wants to scream, he wants cry. His mind is on a crazed rampage. Oh, was it too late to take it back? Couldn't he just die instead?

Angel chuckles at his violent reaction. "Oh, come on," Angel coaxes him, his voice taking on a sleazy quality. "I've seen the way you looked at me while I was with her." His voice drops down a scale and turns into an almost-growl. "You want me."

Xander is too racked with fear to form words. A choked half-sob of denial escapes his lips.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," Angel whispers sickly in his ear and Xander shudders violently. "Have to capture the moment first, of course."

Angel tugged the back of his shirt up and Xander felt something sharp cutting into his back with a purpose. He gasps in pain and begins to sob. The pain goes on and on, until Xander is sure he can't take it anymore.

Then all of a sudden it stops, but before Xander can bathe in relief at its absence, he feels cold fingers pry apart the cheeks of his buttocks and the tip of Angel's hard cock rest at the puckered entrance.

Xander's sobs escalate to the frantic stage. He can vaguely hear Angel chuckling lightly behind him as if he just told him a good joke and it makes Xander cry harder.

Then Angel thrusts, the pain rips through his body and he feels like he's being split in two.

Xander stops crying and begins to scream.//

Xander shot up in bed, eyes flying open, a scream dying on his lips as he realised that it was just one of the nightmares. His breath was ragged, his throat hoarse from screaming and the sweat was pouring off him in bucketloads. He couldn't seem to stop shaking.

He couldn't remember how many months it had been since the last time he had one of the nightmares. There had been a time when he relived those nights every time he closed his eyes to sleep. It had gotten to the point where he overdosed on caffeine supplements to stay awake, just to avoid the dreams.

It had gotten worse when Angel had returned from Hell. Maybe a part of him knew that it was not exactly the same person inside, but the body was the same one that had violated him over and over again in the months before Acathla. Those hands were the ones that had held him down, while he screamed.

And to make it worse, the momento Angel had carved into his back before he had taken him that first time had scarred permanently. Finally, with a great difficulty, Xander had sliced up that area of his back so badly that the 'Love Angel' was no longer discernible, unless you knew what to look for.

After graduation, once Angel was in LA, things got easier.Anya had helped a lot. Having someone with him while he slept had kept the nightmares at bay. But since their explosive break-up the week before, Xander had slept alone.

It had actually been okay. But then two nights ago Buffy had come up against a demon pack that she couldn't defeat. The Gang had immediately gone into research mode, but had had no luck until last night, when they'd recieved a phone call from Angel about a vision Cordy had gotten about the demons.

The Gang had been sent home in the early hours of the morning to catch up on sleep. Angel would be there that night.

Xander had been dreading the reunion ever since. He'd finally managed to get to sleep at about two in the afternoon and the sleep had been a restless one, finally interrupted altogether by the nightmare.

Xander glanced over at his clock radio and cursed. He was late and the last thing he wanted to do was to bring any sort of attention to himself at this particular Scooby meeting.

Making his way to the bathroom, Xander quickly washed his face and examined himself in the mirror. He looked horrible. His eyes were slightly blooshot and shadowed by deep bags. His hair was disheveled and hanging over his face in sweaty tendrils.

Even with the little attention the others paid him, they werebound to question him if he turned up looking like this.

Sighing, Xander turned on the shower and began to wash himself, all the while running a calming litany through his head.

He'd been doing this for years, after all. He should be used to facing his demons by now.

By the time Xander reached the Magic Box, the rest of the gang were already there, including Angel.

Taking a deep, calming breath, Xander faced the body of his rapist with a blank expression, though nothing could erase the haunted look from his eyes. "Deadboy," Xander had greeted him coldly.

The others barely noticed his arrival. Out of the corner of his eye, he did notice that Spike was watching him with curiousity. It suddenly occured to him that Spike most probably would've been privy to Angel's abuse of him over those months. For some reason, the thought that the blond vampire knew, maybe even approved, of Angel's behaviour made him sick to his stomach.

But then Angel was looking at him and Xander had other things to think about. There was an unreadable expression on Angel's face as he regarded the boy. "Xander," he replied.

All of a sudden, it was too much for Xander. The dream was still too fresh in his mind. He could almost feel Angel's cold hands digging into his flesh as he pounded violently into him, sending shots of excrutiating pain through his body.

'You want me,' Angel's voice echoed in his head.

The familiar blind panic rose in him, and as calmly as possible, Xander put as much distance between them as possible, backing himself against the wall.

Angel noticed immediately, and made to move forward, but at that moment, Giles called him into the next room to look at some text or other.

With the object of his fear now absent, Xander's panic was replaced with anger. "Would someone remind me again why we need Deadboy here?" he demanded of whoever was listening.

"Xander, you know why," Willow began placatingly, but the panic and the fear and the anger had run away with Xander.

He turned on her. "No," he replied. "I don't. I don't understand why he's even welcome here after..." he trailed off, the memories rushing him at once. His breathing became uneven and the sweat began to rush to the surface of his skin. "I can't deal with this," he muttered and pushed open the door and ran out into the night.

Spike watched him go. He knew very well what was up with the boy. He remembered those nights before Acathla when Angelus would come back, reeking of the mortal and gloating about his cleverness.

"What's his problem?" Buffy wondered aloud.

"I'm not sure," Willow replied, worrying at her bottom lip with her teeth.

"Oh, come on," Spike gave them both a sharp look. "You can hardly blame the whelp," he pointed out, "what with the history and all."

Buffy's brow furrowed. "I thought he got over that years ago," she mused.

"Got over it?" Spike echoed in amazement, his jaw dropping open. Surely the bint couldn't be that callous. Rape was not something you just 'got over'. He knew that first hand and he was a demon for fuck's sake.

"Yeah," Willow agreed with Buffy. Neither of them seemed to notice Spike's shock at their coolness. "He doesn't even like Buffy anymore. Why did he go all Jealous-Guy?"

Spike stared at them incredulously, realising something "You mean, you don't know?" he demanded. "He didn't tell you?" All at once several things came together in his head. "No, of course he didn't," Spike muttered, almost under his breath.

The whole point of Angel's little excercise with Xander, of course, was to traumatize the Slayer by hurting her friends. The stupid fuck never realised that the boy would die before telling the Slayer what Angel had done to him.

Angel may have known the Slayer inside out, but he didn't know her friends well at all if he had thought Xander would ever run to his friends with something like that.

Spike had wondered how Angel had managed to get away with rape again and again, without the Slayer protecting the boy in anyway whatsoever. He should've realised earlier.

"Bloody fucking hell," Spike swore to himself.

He immediately stood up and pulled on his leather duster. "Right then," he said to the Slayer and the witches. "It's been great, really, but it's probably time I was off."

Buffy gave him a suprised['surprised'] look. "You're not going to stick around for 'a spot of violence' with the demons?" she asked.

Spike shrugged nonchantly. "You know how it is," he told her. "Things to do, people to scare." His eyes narrowed. "Give Peaches my best, will you?" he practically spat and then strode out the door and into the night, leaving a baffled Scooby Gang in his wake.

Xander was shaking and crying when Spike found him. He was crouched down with his knees pulled up tight against his chest, and he was pressing himself against the wall of the alley behind the shop as if he wanted to crawl inside it.

In the end, it had been easy to track Xander down. He hadn't gotten very far and he was giving off such an intense scent of fear that Spike could've smelt him a mile away.

Xander didn't even notice the blond vampire's approach, even though he appeared to be staring right at him. His eyes were glazed over, and Spike knew with a certainty that surprised him that the boy was reliving one of Angel's many assaults. For some reason the thought chilled him.

"Boy?" he began tentatively, already knowing that it wouldn't be enough to snap Xander out of it. Spike crouched down in front of him, putting his hands on Xander's shoulders. The boy stared at him with blank eyes and continued to shake.

Spike smothered the fierce anger at his Sire that rose in him and focused his attention on the frightened boy in front of him. He began to shake Xander roughly. "Xander?" This time he spoke loudly and directly into the boy's ear.

Xander only began to shake more violently and his sobs escalated in volume.

Spike ground his teeth. He gave Xander a short, quick slap across the face, ignoring the sudden pain of his chip flaring up in his head.

The boy began to panic and pull out of Spike's grasp. Then suddenly, he seemed to snap out of it. His eyes came back to life, and he realised it was Spike not Angel who held him.

"Spike!" he gasped in relief and crumpled weakly against the blond vampire.

Spike quickly gathered the boy in his arms and pulled him close to his chest, so that Xander's head rested on his shoulder. His cool hands gently brushed back the hair from his face and ran soothingly up and down the boy's back.

Xander sobbed weakly and clung to Spike tightly, trying to get control of his breathing.

They stayed like that for a few long moments, until Xander's ragged breath returned to normal.

Xander wiped his face on Spike's shirt. "You knew," he said. There was no accusation in his voice, just acknowledgement.

"Yeah," Spike replied softly, stroking back his hair. "I wish I didn't," he admitted even more quietly. Spike very rarely took blame or felt regret over anything. But not being able, or maybe even not being willing, to help Xander during those months was something he hated himself for.

"So do I," Xander replied, a tint of amusement in his voice. He was still leaning comfortably against Spike, but he didn't really seem aware of the fact.

"It does get easier, you know, pet," Spike told him after a long silence. "Not by much," he admitted. "But it does get easier."

Xander finally met the vampire's eyes, a hint of suprise on his face. "You..?" he trailed off. He traced the vampire's perfect features with his eyes and snorted. "Of couse," he muttered bitterly, more to himself than to Spike. "The bastard," he added poisonously after a beat.

Spike felt a warm flush of something go through him. No one had ever shown concern or protectiveness for him like that before. Angelus had protected him like property and coveted him like a jewel, and Druscilla had never had enough wits about her at any one time to be able to protect him from anything. The woman couldn't keep a bird alive for more than a week, let alone another person.

It was ridiculous to give Xander's concern for him any weight, given that the boy was not only a mortal, but also a mortal who would never, could never, understand the exact circumstances of Spike's situation.

Nevertheless, Spike had felt something in reaction to the boy's concern.

"Come on, whelp," Spike began, after another long silence. "We need to get you home."

Xander tried to give him a weak smile, but all he could manage was a twitch on his lips, almost like a nervous tic. "I don't think I can stand," he admitted quietly.

Spike gave an exaggerated, long-suffering sigh and before Xander could protest, he picked the boy up and pulled him into his arms.

"You owe me big time, mate," he grumbled and proceeded to carry him home.

The walk home would have to have been the weirdest of Xander's life. He'd run, stumbled, crawled and occasionally strolled home in various situations ranging vastly from the freaky to the downright mind-boggling, but being carried home in the arms of a master vampire who had no intention of eating him was definitely a new one.

By the time they reached his apartment block, Xander had just about dozed off in his arms. Spike managed to fish out the keys to the apartment and open the door without disturbing Xander, but since he'd never officially been invited into the apartment, he was stuck outside by the invisible barrier.

He shook Xander gently. "You need to invite me to come in," he told him, when Xander blinked his great big brown eyes at him in confusion.

"Come in," Xander echoed immediately. He blinked a bit and shifted uncomfortably in Spike's arms, realising a bit belatedly who he was with and what had actually happened in the last hour.

Spike noticed the discomfort but chose to ignore it. He glanced around the apartment and guessed, correctly, that the door to the left led to the bedroom. Once inside, he gently lay Xander on the bed and pulled a blanket over him, and Xander immediately snuggled down.

"You gonna be alright, pet?" he asked Xander.

"Yeah I--" Xander broke off. "I mean, yeah, but could you..." he mumbled the last bit so quietly that Spike couldn't hear him.

"Sorry, pet?"

Xander looked profoundly embarassed and extremely uncomfortable.

"Could you..um, if you wouldn't mind, staying?" he managed to get out finally. "It's just that...." he trailed of with a sigh. "Please?" he pleaded.

"Alright," Spike agreed immediately.

Xander shyly lifted the edge of the bedspread and Spike had to fight back a grin. The boy looked so childishly adorable at the moment, tousled, vulnerable and pleading.

Without a word, Spike kicked off his boots and lay down beside Xander, close enough that their shoulders brushed each other slightly, but no closer.

A flicker of smile crossed Xander's face, but it was chased quickly by a sad, haunted expression that settled permanently as his eyes fluttered shut.

After a moment, his breathing evened out and Xander slept.

//"Well, well, what do we have here?" Angel's voice carries through the night air.

Xander freezes on the spot. His heartbeat accelarates, his mind is screaming at him to run, but his body is unable to oblige. He makes out the tall, dark figure in front of him and a surge of fear rushes through him.

"What are you doing here?" Xander manages to grind out. Cordy had just dropped Buffy off from their night at the Bronze. She'd offered to give him and Willow a lift home, but since Xander lived in the opposite direction to Willow, and Xander lived only a few blocks from Buffy, he'd offered to walk.

Big mistake.

Angel regards him innocently. "I was just dropping in on my beloved," he tells Xander in a conversational tone. "Left her a little something so she knows I care." The vampire takes a step closer to the now-shaking Xander. "She did get the Valentine's gift I sent, didn't she?"

"You bastard," Xander spits at him, desperately trying to quell the overwhelming fear rising in him, but unable to do anything except succumb to it.

Angel shrugs, grabbing Xander by the hair and slamming him face first into the ground, pinning him down with his own cold, hard body. "Oh well," he speaks directly into Xander's ear. "I guess I'll just have to send it again."

Xander begins to struggle wildly, but his meager human attempts are no match for Angel's vampiric strength.

"Playing hard to get, are we?" Angel slurs in his ear. "Give it up, Xan," he puts a derisive emphasis on the nickname. "I know you want me."

"No," Xander manages to sob out, but Angel ignore him and yanks down his pants, positioning himself at his entrance.

"I'll take that as a 'yes'," he mutters into Xander's ear before thrusting into him, pushing Xander's face down into the ground to muffle the screaming.//

Xander awoke to cold hands gripping his shoulders and shaking him. His heart turned into a percussion instrument in his chest. Angel had found him again. Angel was going to hurt him again and again and again and...

"Xander!" a sharp voice with a British accent cut through the fear rampaging through his head.

Xander realised all of a sudden, that while he was awake, his eyes were still closed. They immediately shot open to meet concerned blue ones. Xander realised that the cold hands gripping his shoulders belonged to Angel's Childe, rather than Angel and that Spike had been trying to wake him up, not hurt him.

The tension wound up in his stomach like a spring was suddenly released and Xander began to sob helplessly.

Spike immediately pulled the boy into his arms and settled his head on his cool shoulder. "Sssh, pet," he soothed the boy, using a little over a century's experience with Dru to calm the mortal in his arms down. He gently stroked Xander's dark locks back from his forehead and trailed his hands through the boy's hair, calming him.

After a while, Xander stopped crying and wiped his cheeks clean with the back of his hands. "When exactly does it start getting easier?" he asks the blond vampire, referring to their previous conversation.

Spike was tempted to answer that with: 'When I see the bugger again and turn him into ant food' but he stopped himself, knowing that would do nothing to soothe the boy. Instead he replied with a weary: "Eventually."

Xander shuffled around in the vampire's arms, wrapping one his own around Spike's waist and pulling himself close. "Spike?" he broke the silence, finally.

"Yeah, pet?"

Xander nuzzled his face against Spike's chest. "Don't move," he replied and promptly drifted back off to sleep.

Spike watched the boy sleep, feeling his deepened breath brush across his chest, and was troubled by the waves of protectivenes that flooded him. The last time Spike had had any feelings for a mortal had been...Celia?

He was a demon after all. He may have been a human once, but the characteristics that came with that title didn't necessarily pass over to demons. He didn't have a human soul. All he was supposed to feel in relation to humans now was a hunger for their blood and a passion for violence towards them. Warm, fuzzy feelings were definitely not included.

Unable to help himself, Spike brushed a lock of hair back from Xander's face and trailed his fingers down the boy's cheekbone in a tender caress.

He wasn't supposed to feel like this.

Spike snorted to himself and continued the caress. He had never been one to do what he was supposed to anyway.

Xander awoke to the unfamilar sensation of being held by cool arms and someone was stroking his hair. His eyes shot open to find Spike's unwavering gaze on him.

All at once, the memories of the night before rushed back to him: the nightmares, Angel, and Spike taking him in his arms and comforting him.

Xander blushed and awkwardly disengaged himself from the vampire. "Um..." he mumbled, dropping his gaze to his hands. "Sorry about turning you into my own personal cuddle monkey," He tried to joke to break the tension in the room.

There was a peculiar tone in Spike's voice when he replied. "No problem, pet," he told Xander. "Been awhile since I've had my own person-sized hot water bottle." He watched Xander fidget awkwardly until he finally met Spike's gaze. "Are you okay?" Spike asked him directly.

Something in that gaze made Xander uncomfortable. It also made him completely forget that man who shared his bed was actually a souless demon. He tried to pull his eyes away from Spike's penetrating blue ones, but found he couldn't. "I'll be fine," Xander told the vampire as honestly as he could.

Spike held his gaze for a moment longer, but finally glanced away.

His eyes now free to roam, Xander glanced at his clock radio and cursed. "Shit, shit, shit," he swore, jumping out of bed and nearly tripping over his feet trying to get to his wardrobe.

"Pet?" he heard Spike call after him with concern.

"Work," he explained succinctly, over his shoulder. He rifled through the clothes in his wardrobe and came up with a pair of blue jeans and a black t-shirt. He turned around and made to go to the bathroom, but ran right into Spike.

The vampire immediately put out a hand to steady him. He peered at Xander in concern. "Should you really be working?" he asked. "They do still have sick days, you know, pet."

Xander shook his head a little baffled by Spike's sudden concern for his well-being. "I'll be fine," he insisted. He noticed the hand Spike had put out to steady him was absently holding onto his arm. Xander immediately stepped out of the vampire's grasp.

Spike's eyes widened in realisation. 'Bloody hell,' thought Spike. 'If the whelp's still this jumpy after two years, no amount of apologising from the brooding git will ever make up for it what he's done to him'.

"He never apologised," Xander's voice cut through Spike's thought process, making him realise he must've spoken some part of it out loud.

He blinked as he realised what Xander said. "He what?" he demanded.

"Angel," Xander explained. "He never mentioned it. I just thought it was because..." he trailed off, a vulnerable expression flickered across his face, finishing the sentence wordlessly: 'Because it was my own fault'.

Spike saw red. Anger thrummed through ever vein. He barely noticed when Xander pushed past him to get to the bathroom. All he could he think was that thanks to that magneficent poof's oversight, Xander had been in a constant state of suffering for two years.

It was bad enough that his Sire had made the boy live in a constant state of fear for those months leading up to Acathla, but to leave him in that state for two fucking years...

Spike clenched and unclenched his fists and began to pace the length of Xander's room, wishing with every ounce of his being that he still had the Gem of Amara so he could drag Angel out into sunlight and watch him fry.

When he got his hands on Angel next, he was going to teach him whole new methods of torture. He was going to keep the bastard alive for years, slicing more and more flesh off him every day until there was nearly nothing of substance left.

See how the bastard liked his own treatment.

Spike was still fantazing about what he was going to do to the poof, when Xander reappeared fully dressed. The boy barely paid him any heed as he went around the apartment, pulling on his shoes, grabbing a coke from the fridge and his keys.

Only when he was at the door, did he look at Spike, and even then he refused to meet the vampire's gaze. "There's some blood in the fridge," he told him, "and as long as you keep all the curtains drawn, you'll be safe from sunlight. I'll be home after sunset." And with that Xander was out the door.

Spike continued to pace the apartment. He had a whole day to plan what he was going to the soddin' prick.

Peaches didn't stand a chance.

After nearly slicing his finger off thirteen times in his eight hour day, Xander was beginning to wish that he had taken Spike's advice and taken the day off. Interior carpenting, Xander discovered, was not something you should do while you're mind is elsewhere.

And Xander's mind was most definitely elsewhere.

All he could think about was how Angel's voice had slurred in his ear everytime he yanked his clothes off and prepared to rape him. Or the way the grunted and growled as he pounded into Xander, while the boy whimpered and swallowed down the bile that rose in his throat. Or the feel of his cold hands grabbing him, holding him and pressing into him haunted him, until he could feel ghostly fingers all over his body.

So many months of working to forget all about what Angel had done to him, years of repressing and burying the memories, pretending everything was okay and then Angel waltzes back into their lives for one fucking night and Xander is a complete wreck again.

It wasn't fair. He didn't deserve this....did he?

The crux of the problem, of course, was that Xander really wasn't sure that he didn't deserve this.

Logically, Xander knew that Angel had targetted him because he was a friend of Buffy and not because of anything he'd done. Logically, he knew that everything Angel had done to him had been forced on him against his will.

But not-so-deeply down a part of him whispered that he'd always been attracted to members of the same sex. He'd even been attracted to Angel, while he still had a soul. And that secret little part of him whispered that he'd brought this upon himself. That if he'd never been attracted to Angel in the beginning, the vampire would never have raped him and continued to rape him, over and over again.

And no matter what he told himself, he couldn't seem to banish that thought. He kept hearing Angelus hissing "You want me" in his ear before taking him and seeing the blank look in Angel's eyes when he looked at him after he returned from Hell.

Xander was shaken from his thoughts by a large hand coming down on his shoulder. With a start, he stared up at the owner of the hand - tall, dark....Xander saw Angelus standing over him.

He stumbled backwards desperately. "No," he whispered. "Please no, don't, don't, don't," he repeated over and over in a mantra, dropping to the floor and scarmbling backwards to get away.

The dark figure followed him.

"No!" Xander screamed at him. "Get the Hell away from me! No! No! No!" He collapsed into sobs and waited for the inevitable rough grasp of the figure's hands.

It didn't come.

"Xander?" a concerned voice came from above him. Xander managed to pry his eyes open and looked up. A flood of relief washed over him as he realised the dark figure standing over him wasn't Angelus, it was Rodney, one of the other carpenters.

Rodney crouched down to Xander's level. "Xander?" he asked again. "Man, are you okay? You totally freaked."

Xander shuddered and weakly pulled himself to his feet, helped by Rodney. "I should probably..." he trailed off, not knowing what he should probably do.

"Go home," Rodney supplied for him. "Is there someone you can call to come pick you up?" he asked.

Xander shook his head. "I'll be fine," he insisted.

"Uh uh," Rodney contradicted him. "No way. It's after dark and after what just happened, there's no way I'm letting you walk home alone. If there's no one you can call, I'm taking you home."

"After dark?" he echoed. Spike. He could call Spike. At the thought of the blond vampire, Xander suddenly wanted him there more than anyone.

"What's this Spike guy's number?" Rodney asked him, making him realise that he must've spoken aloud.

"My number," Xander replied dumbly. "He's, ah, living with me at the moment," he stumbled through the sentence, knowing exactly what it sounded like.

Rodney didn't seem to notice, he just dialed the number on his mobile and passed it to Xander. Xander felt butterflies flutter in his stomach as he listened to the phone ring. All of a sudden he wasn't sure if Spike would even still be there, let alone come pick him up.

"'allo," the familar voice cut through the ringing.

"Spike!" Xander excalimed in relief.

Spike caught the relief in the boy's voice and worried. "Pet?" he asked. "Pet, are you alright? You sound kind of..." he trailed off.

"Yeah, I, um, yeah," Xander babbled. "Could you possibly come and, ah, pick me up?" he finished in a tiny voice.

"Course," Spike replied immediately. "Where abouts are you, luv?"

Xander gave him the address and hung up, handing the phone back to Rodney.

The wait for Spike to come pick him up mustn't have been more than about ten minutes, but to Xander, it felt like the longest wait in his life.

It suddenly occured to him that Spike was the only person he had ever discussed what Angel had done to him with. The thought both made him uncomfortable and comforted him. He shouldn't be trusting a souless demon with such delicate information, but he couldn't help it. And right now, aforesaid souless demon was the only person in the world, Xander believed could make him feel okay again.

And then Spike was there, striding in with duster billowing behind him, walking right up to Xander, and without a word, pulling the boy into a fierce hug.

It felt decidedly strange, thought Xander, to be hugged by Spike. Sure he had slept in the blond vampire's arms, but it hadn't been quite so deliberate as this.

Spike's arms wrapped around him tightly and held him so close, that Xander almost felt as if he was a mere extension of the vampire. It felt as though Spike was trying to hide him from the rest of the world, protect him. As though, by holding him so closely, he could draw Xander inside of him, pass his own strength onto him.

And, Xander decided as he burrowed down into the vampire's embrace, he could quite happily let him.

After a few long moments, when Xander's senses were prepared to acknowledge something other than Spike's arms wrapped around him, Xander became aware that they had the stunned attention of the other carpenters.

With an embarassed cough, Xander tried to pull away from the blond vampire.

Spike, however, was having none of it. He kept his arms wrapped firmly around the boy, leaning close to his ear. "Better now, luv?" he asked Xander.

Xander found he had to clear his throat of the lump that had risen in it in reaction to Spike's concern. "Yeah," he replied finally. "I, um, yeah."

Spike held him a moment longer, just to be safe.

"I'm fine, Spike," Xander insisted when the vampire showed no intention of letting go. "Really."

Spike sighed, and began to loosen his hold on the boy. However, before he let go completely, he placed a soft kiss on Xander's forehead. Then, he stepped away altogether, relinquishing all contact with Xander.

Xander blushed a little. "We'd, um, we'd better..." he began to babble.

"Go, pet?" Spike suggested, fighting back the urge to grin at Xander's sudden inability to form sentences.

"Yeah," Xander replied, still looking abashed. He turned to Rodney. "Thanks," he told him sincerely.

Rodney smiled. "No problem, Xander," Rodney answered easily. "Give us a call if you need me to take a shift or anything."

Xander nodded and made his way outside, Spike following closely behind him. When Spike made to turn right to go back to Xander's apartment, Xander stopped him.

"Scooby meeting," Xander reminded him. "Remember? We find big bad demons and violence ensues?" It seemed that even though the rest of him seemed to be falling to pieces, his humour still managed to stay in tact.

Spike gave him a look.

"I'll be fine!" Xander insisted. He gave Spike an exasperated glance. He was so used to no one looking out for him, he wasn't quite sure how to react when someone did. "When did you turn into Mr. Mum anyway?" he demanded testily.

Spike didn't reply. He kept his concerned gaze on Xander.

Xander relented a little guiltily. "I can't just sit around doing nothing until it goes away," he explained. "I've been doing this for years, Spike. I'll be fine."

Spike sighed. "If you're sure, pet?" he asked.

"I'll be fine," he repeated, more to reassure himself, than to reassure Spike.

Spike nodded silently and reluctanctly followed Xander to the Magic Box. At least he'd finally have a chance to get his hands on Angel, he reasoned with himself.

Spike ground his teeth as he thought about just how much he wanted to hurt the souled vampire for what he had done to Xander. Spike had spent most of the day, wearing down the floor in Xander's apartment, pacing up and down, contriving ways to make Peaches pay for almost breaking the boy.

The phonecall he got from a weakened and pleading Xander had only infuriated Spike even more. The anger that had been smouldering in him since he'd discovered the extent of the damage his Sire had caused Xander had exploded into a raging fire after the phonecall.

Nothing could ever even the score between Angel and Xander after all that Angel had done, but Spike vowed he was going to take a bloody good crack at it.

Spike was pulled out of his vengeful thoughts by a slight tug on is arm. "Spike, we're here," Xander pointed out.

Spike glanced up and sure enough they were standing outside the Magic Box. He had spent the entire twenty minute walk contemplating what he would do with Angel when he finally got his hands on him.

The blond vampire gave Xander an examining glance. "You gonna be alright, pet?" he asked seriously.

Xander rolled his eyes. "For the last time, I'll be fine," he insisted. "Now can you quit it with the Mother Hen? If you keep it up, I might just be tempted to spread the word, and then your reputation will be completely ruined."

Spike smirked at that and pushed the door of the shop open for him, letting him pass through first and then following closely behind him, always staying within a foot's length from the boy, his body language giving off all sorts of Alpha Male signals.

"Xander?" Giles looked up as they entered. "Oh good, you're here. We weren't entirely sure that you'd make it after..ah, after last night."

"Just call me Reliable Guy," Xander replied in his usual flippant way. "What's the stitch with the Ugly Brigade?" Spike stood at his side, scanning the shop for any sign of Angel, but there was none.

"Perkathlar demons," Willow piped up. "Giles is pretty sure he's got a spell to weaken them."

Xander rubbed his hands together eagerly. "Well, what's with the waiting around?" he asked. "Let's get jiggy with the mojo and take the dastardly fiends down."

"You're awfully eager," Buffy observed a little suspiciously.

"What?" Xander tried to look indignant. "Can't a guy want to fight the forces of darkness without eyebrows being raised?"

"Not when the guy in question usually runs at full speed in the opposite direction when darkness is involved," Buffy replied, her voice rippling with amusement.

"Hey!" Xander exclaimed.

"Oh, do cut it out," Giles interupted them, before Buffy could reply. "Xander, Angel has gone to fetch the applicable spellbook from my apartment. Once he has returned we'll being the ritual."

The words were barely out of his mouth before Spike was making his way to the door.

"Spike?" Xander asked after the retreating vampire, a little hurt by his sudden departure.

"Be back in a jiffy, luv," Spike replied. "Promise." And then he out the door and striding out into the night, duster billowing behind him.

"What is his deal lately?" Buffy wondered aloud, watching as the blond vampire departed.

"I don't know," Xander replied his voice betraying his concern at the vampire's behaviour.

As soon as Spike was out of the shop, he strode deliberately towards Giles' place, his mind a fog of rage and an angry red mist swimming over his vision. He paused only once to break off a sizeable piece of railing and grasp it in his hand like a weapon.

That crowbar he'd used on Angelus during the Acathla debacle was going to be nothing compared to what he was going to do to the bleedin' poof now.

Spike was less than two blocks from the Magic Box, when he saw him. He was strolling along the pavement, his patented "I'm so tortured, look at me" expression set firmly in place and his arms full of books.

Angel squinted at the figure striding towards him. "Spike?" he asked in suprise.

Spike didn't reply. He covered the short distance between them and struck the other vampire hard across the back of the head and neck with the metal rod in his hand. Angel dropped to his knees with the force of the blow.

"You jammy fucking git!" Spike yelled at him, and hit him again, this time slamming the metal bar across the upside of his face, leaving a noteable bloody dent in it's wake.

Angel flew backwards, landing a few feet away on his back.

Spike strode towards him, anger pouring off him in waves. He raised the bar to strike again, but this time Angel defended himself, rolling up into a crouch and catching the end of the metal bar before Spike could hit him with it.

"What's this about?" Angel growled at his Childe, dark eyes switching to gold as he morphed into game face.

Angel had expected to hear one of many answers from his wayward Childe. He expected to hear that this was about him taking Dru away from him, or deserting them years ago, or any one of the many unforgiveable things he'd done in his two centuries as a vampire.

He did not expect to hear Spike, one of the most violent fiends to ever walk with the night, to hiss out the name of one of the Slayer's friends in a tone that was absolutely riddled with emotions that no vampire had any right to feel for a human.

But he did: "Xander," Spike answered succinctly, yanking the bar out of Angel's grip and striking the souled vampire again, before he had a chance to defend himself.

"You," Strike. "Raped," Strike. "Xander," Strike.

Angel weakly raised an arm to deflect the strikes. "I was Angelus," he protested.

Spike paused momentarily in his attack to glare at his Sire. "And what? It just slipped your mind to apologise to the whelp once you were back with your bleedin' soul?" he demanded.

"You fucking ponce!" Spike yelled at him, bringing the bar down hard against Angel's skull with a satisfying crack.

"Thanks to your bloody oversight, Xander has spent the last two years blaming himself!" He struck down again, this time hitting Angel's shoulder blade and knocking it out of place. "Two fucking years!" he yelled, slamming the metal bar against Angel's ribs.

"Does that torture your poor bloody soul, Peaches?" Spike demanded.

Spike finally lost what little control he had and began to lay into Angel mindlessly. He stabbed and he beat and he struck and stuck again, all the while screaming and yelling at the other vampire.

Angel slipped back into human face and made no move to defend himself. He knew and Spike knew that he deserved much more than a beating with a metal bar for what he'd done to Xander.

Finally, Spike tossed the metal bar away, straddled Angel's ribs painfully, and began to punch Angel's face in, until it was so covered in blood and bruises that the souled vampire was barely recogniseable.

Eventually, Spike ran out of steam. He stood and gave Angel a firm kick in the stomach, making the other vampire double over and spit blood.

"You touch my Xander again, and I'll rip your fucking throat out," Spike threatened, his voice riddled with promise.

Angel coughed up blood and spit. "I promise," he managed to get out. "Spike," he pleaded. "I...I'm sorry."

Spike glared at him in disgust. "It's not me you need to apologise to, Peaches," he pointed out.

After a long moment of silence, Spike reluctantly put out a hand and helped Angel up.

Together they gathered up the dropped books and walked back to the Magic Box in silence.

Xander had surreptiously been keeping his attention on the door since Spike had left, so the minute he heard it open, his eyes darted up to see a severely bloodied and beaten Angel, half-walk, half-stumbled through the door.

"Good Lord!" Giles exclaimed when he also caught sight of the souled vampire. His exclamation drew the combined attention of the Scooby Gang to the battered vampire.

"Oh my!" exclaimed Willow.

"Angel!" Buffy exclaimed. "What happ--" She broke off as she caught sight of Spike entering behind his Sire, a satisfied glint in his eyes and blood on his shirt. Instantly, a stake was in her hand and she was striding towards Spike, preparing to dust him.

"Buffy, don't!" Angel exclaimed, one arm darting out to grab her stake arm, despite the obvious pain he was in.

Buffy blinked up at her ex-boyfriend in confusion. "But after what he's done to you," she protested. "It was him, wasn't it? I know it was him," she insisted.

Angel pulled her out of range of Spike. "You don't understand, Buffy," Angel told her firmly. "Just...just stay out of it, please?" His dark eyes pleaded with her.

"I will not stay out of it!" Buffy exclaimed indignantly. "I don't care if he's helpless. Anyone who hurts the people I care about has to answer to me!" Buffy looked a bit flustered as she realised what she'd just admitted to, but she stood her ground.

A painful expression flickered across Angel's face. His eyes very breifly darted to Xander, but were back on Buffy so quickly that Spike and Xander were the only ones who noticed the swift glance.

"I'm afraid that's going to have to wait," Giles interjected before Angel could answer. "This ritual is supposed to be performed on the stroke of midnight, and we still have the text the translate and the preparation to complete."

"He's right, Buffy," Willow cut in. "This is a really complex working. If we want to do it tonight, we're going to have start now."

Buffy reluctantly put the stake away. "Okay, I'll behave," she promised with a pout. She shot a glare at Spike. "For now," she added pointedly.

Spike could've cared less. He deposited the books he'd carried on the table in front of the Watcher and as soon as the attention was off him, he immediately went to Xander's side.

The dark-haired slayerette had been watching the blond vampire in amazement, since the vampire stode into the shop behind his Sire, and he had realised what Spike had done for him.

Xander was floored by it.

Spike casually lounged in the seat beside Xander, his pose appearing completely innocent to the casual observer.

If anyone had bothered to look closely, however, they would have caught sight of his pale hand moving to take Xander's under the table, and Spike occassionally leaning close to the boy to talk softly to him.

Xander twined his fingers with Spike's the instant their palms touched. "You beat Angel up for me," Xander spoke softly. It was a statement, not a question.

Spike shrugged nonchalantly. "It wasn't exactly a chore, you know, pet," he pointed out with smirk curling around his lips.

Xander smiled back despite himself. "Thank you," he told Spike sincerely. "Not just for turning Angel into a punching bag, which I know you loved every minute of, but the rest of it, as well."

"Your welcome, pet," Spike told him seriously. "Though," he added with another smirk. "That wasn't exactly a chore, either."

Underneath the table, Xander squeezed the vampire's hand.

Spike regarded Xander seriously. "How are you doing, pet?"

"I'll be fi--" Xander began, but broke off at Spike's raised eye brow. Xander sighed. "I-I think I want to go home," he said instead.

Spike nodded, giving his hand a last squeeze under the table, before letting go. Xander gave the blond vampire a baffled, hurt look. Spike mentally slapped himself for worrying the boy.

"If we leave together like that, your mates'll get suspicious," he explained. "And I don't really fancy getting a stake pointed at me for the second time in one night."

Xander's expression cleared. "Oh," he said, a little embarassed to have shown his vulnerability. He shifted away from the vampire and stood.

"Uh, guys?" he said to the others. They glanced in his direction. "I'm, uh, not feeling too good," he told them. "I think I'm going to go home."

Buffy looked suprised. "You're not going to stick around to 'take the dastardly fiends down'?" she asked, her voice echoing her suprise.

Xander shook his head. "I'm not too good at the mojo stuff anyway," he pointed out. "And I'd probably just get in the way, especially since I'm, ah, feeling sick."

"You can't walk home alone," Willow protested. "Especially not if you're feeling sick."

"I'm inclined to agree with Willow here, Xander," Giles put in, habitually cleaning his glasses. "Sunnydale isn't safe at the best of times, let alone with a demon pack roving the streets."

"I'll take him," Spike piped up, taking his cue. He got shocked looks from the Scooby Gang. "What? The whelp's still got some blood in his fridge," he explained.

"Uh uh," Buffy countered. "You've already beaten up one of my friends tonight, I'm not looking to up double that count." She glared at him, hands on her hips.

"I do still have a bleedin' chip, you know," Spike replied. "And I'm not about to go through a mind-numbing headache just to take a swing at one of your groupies."

"But the chip isn't going to stop you from leaving him to be eaten by a demon pack," Buffy pointed out, standing her ground.

Spike snorted. "And have you stick your filthy stake in me?" he retorted. "No bloody thanks."

"It's fine, Buf. Really," Xander insisted from the doorway. "If we get attacked, I promise to use Spike as a body shield."

Buffy frowned at them both, but finally relented. "All right." She glared threateningly at Spike. "If he gets hurt, I'm going to rend you limb from limb," she threatened him.

"Sounds like fun," Spike tossed back, before following Xander out the door.

Angel was the only one who continued to watch them once Buffy's attention had been diverted from them. "Good night, Xander," he called just before they were out of earshot.

Spike saw the shudder run through Xander at Angel's words and he reached out and took the boy's hand in his and squeezed it reassuringly. They walked the rest of the way home in silence.

When they reached Xander's apartment, they silently went straight to the bedroom. Kicking off his shoes, Xander crawled into bed. His dark eyes peered up at Spike questioningly.

The blond vampire wordlessly kicked off his own shoes, before crawling under the blankets with Xander and gathering the boy up in his arms.

Xander snuggled against Spike, wrapping his arm around the vampire's waist and resting his head on the vampire's chest.

For a long moment, they lay like that in silence.

"It doesn't end here, does it?" Xander asked a little sadly, already knowing the answer.

"No, pet," Spike replied softly.

Xander burrowed further into the vampire's embrace. "Does it ever end?" he asked in a tiny voice.

Spike tightened his arms around the boy protectively. "I'll let you know," he promised Xander.

Xander sighed and hugged himself tighter against the vampire, eventually falling to sleep.

Spike lay awake and watched him with darkened eyes.

Spike watched as the dark-haired boy in his arms began to stir.

Spike had barely moved all night, content to keep up his silent vigil of the boy and think.

If someone had come to Spike a few months ago and told him that he'd spend whole nights just watching Xander sleep and enjoy every minute of it, he would've ripped their entrails out just for suggesting it.

But he had. There was a trusting quality in the way the boy curled up contently in his arms. A quality that he'd never seen Xander share with anyone but him and that made it all the more special.

Generally when Xander was around other people, he was constantly jittery and nervous, making jokes at every oppurtunity as some kind of defense mechanism and always dragging himself down to the others' expectation of him, as if to pre-empt dissappointment.

But throughout the last day or so, Spike had seen another side of Xander. One that was both more vulnerable and much stronger than the side he displayed to the world.

Throughout those months of abuse, Xander had stayed quiet and kept it a secret from his friends. Part of it, Spike knew, had to do with the fact that a part of Xander believed that he was to blame, but a lot of it had been stedfast loyalty to his friends. To never make them feel more hurt or guilt or anger than they had to. He was protecting them.

And no matter how much abuse Angel put him through and how much misdirected anger and disappointment his friends gave him because of the way he behaved because of it, Xander was determined to carry the burden alone. He would've died before he let anyone have to share in his pain.

In just over 24 hours this boy had shaken Spike up so badly that every belief he'd ever held had been uprooted. Spike was a demon. He was a ruthless killer who could murder whole villages and still whistle a jaunty tune as he left town. He could bathe in the blood of whole families and not even feel a twinge of guilt or regret.

And yet he would offer anything, give up everything, to make the mortal in his arms whole again and happy. He would do anything to protect him, and do anything he asked of him.

Spike had well and truly fallen.

And the fact that the object of his affection was blinking up at him with huge choclate-coloured eyes, his expression a mixture of half-awake confusion and wonder, was not helping Spike repress those feelings.

Spike trailed his fingers through the boy's hair tenderly. "Morning, pet," he greeted Xander.

Xander blinked. "Spike?" he asked in confusion.

Spike gave him a gentle smile, which looked suprisingly at home on the master vampire's face. "What?" he teased the boy. "You don't remember our sordid night of carnal lust?"

Xander blinked again. There was a short pause before he spoke that made Spike worry that he'd overstepped the mark. The grin that followed, however, was so breathtaking that Spike completely forgot what he was supposed to be worrying about.

"Can't have been very memorable, Bleachboy," Xander teased back. "Because, I'm drawing a blank."

Spike mock-growled at the boy. "Well then, pet, we'll just have to have a re-run, won't we?" he drawled suggestively, arching an eyebrow Xander.

Xander was silent for a moment, again sending Spike into a panic, but the moment passed and Xander's grin turned sly. "Maybe later," he told Spike, a tone of promise in his voice that sent shivers down the vampire's spine.

Spike unconsciously ran a pink tongue over his suddenly dry lips. His blue eyes widened as he saw Xander's immediately darken at his gesture.

He had barely pulled his tongue back into his mouth before Xander leant forward and suddenly there were warm lips pressed against his.

Xander's tongue darted out and stroked along his lips askingly. Spike's arms tightened around the boy and he parted his lips to Xander's questing tongue, moaning into Xander's mouth as he felt his warm tongue slide against his cool one.

The kiss lasted a long moment, both revelling in the exploration of each other's mouths, before they finally parted, letting Xander up for air.

Xander's breathing was ragged and even without breath, Spike was panting. They stared at each other for a long moment, both trying desperately to resist the temptation of the other's mouth.

"I need to ask you something," Xander finally broke the tense silence, once they'd both calmed down a little. He regarded the vampire seriously. "What was it...I mean, what was it like--" he broke off, trying to find the words and failing.

Spike took one look at the boy's tense expression and guess the rest of the sentence. "You want to know what it was like for me and Angelus," he finished for Xander.

Xander nodded. "Do you mind?" he asked in a small voice.

Spike sighed. "I guess not, pet," he answered finally. He gave Xander a solemn look. "But it's complicated," he warned him. "And you might not like everything I have to say."

Xander nodded his understanding. He'd expected as much.

Spike held his gaze for a moment longer, then looked away. "It was different from what he did to you," he began. "He made me, and in vampiric terms that meant he owned me." Spike sighed. "It would've been simpler if the bastard had just used me. But the nonce always did have a thing for head-trips."

Xander's gaze was locked on the blond vampire's face. "What did he do?" he asked softly.

Spike met the boy's gaze, and Xander was shocked by the profound regret and intense self-deprecation that he found there. "He made me love him," Spike said simply.

When the boy made no reply, the vampire sighed and continued. "It wasn't a hard thing to do," he went on. "I'm a bloody git when it comes to love." His expression was self-mocking. "Always running in half-cocked and then clinging on with a death grip, so help me."

Spike snorted derisively. "All the bastard had to do was give me a look or a half a sentence and I was putty in his hands." A bitter smile twisted around the vampire's lips. "He could make me feel like the biggest thing since Ben bleedin' Hur and then the dirt beneath his feet in the next breath."

"He played me," Spike explained. "He'd build me up, only to knock me down again. He made me love him, made me want him, and then he'd whip me to an inch of my life and take me in a pool of my own blood."

The blond vampire's bitter smile turned into a self-loathing sneer. "I would have done anything if I thought it would make him love me. I hated him for what he did to me, but I couldn't stop loving him, and I hated myself even more for that."

"You're right," Xander told him after a long silence. "It is different to what he did to me." He gave the vampire a searching look. "It's worse," he said frankly.

Spike didn't reply, just tightened his arms around the boy and pressed himself against him, as though he wanted to crawl inside. Xander obliged as best as he could, pulling the vampire close and running soothing hands through the suprisingly soft blond hair.

Xander knew he'd have to leave the master vampire sooner or later. There were some things he needed to clear up once and for all before Angel hightailed it back to LA.

Xander couldn't keep living with the fear and waking up in the cold sweats, his heart thumping like crazy in his chest. He didn't know if talking to Angel about what had happened was going to make things better or worse, but it was a place to start.

For now, though, comforting the suddenly vulnerable master vampire in his arms had top priority.

Xander tugged the blankets back over them, and tried to make them both as comfortable as possible. He gently rocked Spike in his arms, until the vampire slept.

Then with a sigh, he closed his eyes and slept too.

Xander shuffled his feet nervously outside the Magic Box for the third time.

After their conversation that morning, he and Spike had slept until noon. Eventually, it had been hunger that had woken them both.

They'd both exchanged awkward glances while they ate and then avoided each other's gaze altogether.

Xander had told Spike that he was going over to the Magic Box for a bit. The reason he gave was that he wanted to see how the Scoobies had handled the demon pack and check that everyone was okay. He knew that Spike knew the real reason was that he needed to talk to Angel, but the blond vampire didn't contradict him, just quietly offered to come with him.

"It's daytime," Xander had pointed out.

Spike shrugged. "There are ways around that, you know, pet," he'd replied nonchantly, not meeting Xander's gaze.

Xander blinked. Despite everything, it was still a suprise that Spike would risk frying himself just to give Xander some moral support.

Xander had shook his head, a slight smile playing around his lips. "Thanks, but no thanks," he'd told the vampire. "It wouldn't be nearly as much fun sharing my bed with a pile of ash."

An unreadable expression had flickered across Spike's face, but it was gone too fast for Xander to try and figure out what it had meant.

Xander had cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Um, yeah," he'd mumbled. "I better get going, then." Without another glance he'd grabbed his keys and made his way to the door.

Before he'd managed to get out of the apartment, however, he'd felt strong cool hands grasp him and turn him around, and the next instant he was pressed up against the door, being thoroughly kissed by Spike.

With a moan, he responded eagerly to the kiss, wrapping his arms around Spike and pressing his body against the vampire's, and sliding his tongue out to play.

After a long moment, Spike pulled away to let Xander breathe.

Xander blinked at him in mild confusion.

Spike pressed a line of butterfly soft kisses along his jaw, before giving him a soft, chaste kiss on the lips and pulling away completely.

"Sure you don't want company, pet?" Spike asked him seriously.

Xander shook his head, ignoring the voice in his head, chanting 'yes, yes'. "I'll be--" he began, but Spike cut him off.

"Fine." The vampire sighed. "Yeah, you've already said. We've covered this ground before," he remarked pointedly.

"I will," Xander insisted, pulling out Spike's embrace.

With a sigh, Spike let him go and stepped back.

"I will," Xander repeated again, not entirely sure who he was trying to convince. He gave the vampire another soft kiss on the lips and left the apartment. "I will," he muttered under his breath as he left.

Now, however, standing outside of the Magic Box with the object of his worst nightmares for the last two years inside, Xander was not so sure.

Taking a deep breath, and ruthlessly smothering the fear that threatened to overwhelm him, Xander pushed the door open and entered.

Angel looked up immediately at his entrance, but said nothing, just watched him with those dark, sad, soulful eyes.

Xander couldn't stomach the gaze and looked away. He noticed that Angel was not alone in the shop. Willow was shuffling through some parts of some unfortunate newts and Giles appeared to be stocktaking behind the counter.

"Xander?" Willow said when she looked up.

"Hey Wills," Xander greeted her, a little uncomfortably. "How did you make with the mojo? Did the demon pack go bye-bye?"

Willow gave him a slightly puzzled look. "Yeah," she answered a little uncertainly. Something about her friend was...slightly off. "How are you?" she asked with concern. "I can't remember the last time you pulled a sickie when slaying was involved."

Xander tried to keep his face expressionless as he replied. "I'm fine," he told her flatly. "Just a little tired," he explained, wholly unconvincingly. "Bad day at work, you know."

Willow was unconvinced, but let him off after a searching look.

Xander shifted even more uncomforatbly. "I think I'm going to, um, hang out back for a bit," he said to anyone who was listening. As he strode past Angel, he gave the souled vampire a significant look.

Only Willow noticed when Angel stood and followed the boy a moment later. She stared after them, her brow creased in thought.

Xander was waiting patiently in the Danger Room, when Angel appeared. His body was tensed in hard lines, as if he was trying to convince every nerve not to react to the souled vampire's prescence.

"Xander," Angel said, not sure what else to say.

"Deadboy," Xander responded coldly.

There was a long silence between them.

"So," Angel finally broke the silence. "You and Spike..." he trailed off questioningly.

Xander ground his teeth. He hadn't come here to gossip. "It must be convinent," he practically spat at the souled vampire. "To have your victims comfort each other. Saves on brooding time, I bet."

"No," Angel answered immediately. "Nothing could make me forget, or...forgive myself for what I've done."

Xander searched his gaze. "It is you, isn't it?" he asked a bit sickly. "The soul isn't another person, it's just a conscience, a leash."

Angel's expression became pained. "Xander..." he began placatingly, but Xander wasn't in the mood to be placated.

"Is it or isn't it?" he demanded.

"It's a conscience," Angel admitted finally. "If it hadn't been me, I wouldn't have anything to pay for."

Xander looked sick. "So there's still a part of you that wants to do those things? That wants to..." he couldn't finish the sentence.

"I would never hurt you again," Angel promised, immediately.

Xander shuddered and stepped back. "You don't know that," he contradicted the souled vampire, taking a step backwards. "And it doesn't matter, not after everything you've done."

Angel sighed. "I know," he replied. "And I'm sorry. Not just for what I've done, but for not telling you that earlier, when I could." His dark eyes pleaded with Xander's. "I promise you, I will never hurt you again. Never," he declared. "I'd stake myself first."

Xander shook his head in denial. "You don't know that you won't lose your soul again," Xander pointed out. "You can't make those promises, you can't lull me into a sense of security, not after..." he trailed off again.

Angel's lips tightened. "It's not just the soul talking Xander," he told the boy. "I wouldn't hurt you. You have my word."

Xander wanted to believe him. Oh, how he wanted to believe him, but the fear was too deep-seated...or was it?

Xander pushed past him and back into the shop. He practically ran out the door, without so much as a by-your-leave to Giles or Willow. He heard Willow's voice calling after him in confusion, but he didn't stop running, not until he was back in his apartment and in Spike's arms.

The blond vampire had been waiting for him. As soon as he saw the frightened and lost expression on the boy's face, he pulled him close, eventually carrying him to bed with him and pulling the blankets around them both.

"Spike, I..." he began, but could not finish.

Spike soothed him, stroking his hair and placing gentle kisses all over his face, until he curled up against the vampire's chest and began to calm down.

"It's going to okay, pet," Spike soothed him.

"Is it?" Xander asked, half-begging, half-uncertain.

"Yeah," Spike replied. "It had bloody better be," he muttered under his breath."

Xander did not answer, just curled against his side and slept. He'd been sleeping an unusual amount, Spike noted. But then, he had a lot of sleepless nights to make up for.

Spike silently swore that he wouldn't have anymore. Not if he could help it.

The days after Angel left again for LA passed quickly for Xander.

He still didn't feel as though he'd gotten any closure from the souled vampire, but with Spike to hold him as he slept every night, the nightmares were kept at bay.

Sometimes, the glimmer of a memory would rise and threaten to send Xander back into the old blind panic, but Spike was always there with his soothing hands and calming voice, holding him and reassuring him, and sometimes vice versa.

Barely anyone even blinked an eyelid when Xander informed them that Spike was staying with him again. Giles just handed over the remainder of the the blood he had in his fridge and Buffy made a offer to ash Spike if he put his feet up on the coffee table.

Only Willow's reaction had any weight. The little redhead took a long searching look between Spike and Xander, then her green eyes seemed to widen in realisation and she gave Xander a small, encouraging smile.

Xander wasn't sure what her reaction meant, but since she didn't seem to disapprove about anything, he didn't let it worry him.

As for him and Spike, things hadn't really progressed any further than a few kisses and a lot of cuddling.

Sometimes Xander wanted the blond vampire so badly that he felt as though his skin would burn off with the heat of his desire. And he knew very well that Spike felt exactly the same at times.

But neither of them were willing to make the step quite yet. They were both too afraid of ruining what they had. Or like a mirage in the desert, they believed it would all suddenly vanish the instant they tried to touch it and they'd wind up with nothing but a handful of hot sand.

They had wordlessly agreed to keep whatever it was that they had a secret from the Scooby Gang, but every so often while at a Scooby meeting or out patrolling, it would come out despite them both and there wasn't a damn thing either of them could do about it.

It came out in the unthinking touches, the banter and the wordless attraction that hung between them like a cloud, the tension so thick you could almost smell it.

Xander noticed Willow watching them curiously on occasion, and more than once, the redheaded witch had caught him with his hand on Spike's shoulder or Spike's hand on his back or in a similar gesture. Xander knew his lifelong friend was very close to figuring it out, if she hadn't worked it out already.

"Okay pick teams and we'll move out," Buffy told the scoobies gathered in the Magic Box, preparing for patrol.

Xander rolled his eyes. "Could you make it sound a little less like we're picking teams for Little League?" Xander replied. "I do have some dignity left, you know."

Buffy blinked at him in mock suprise. "You do?" she teased him. "We'll have to do something about that then."

Willow gave her friend an affectionate glance. "Xander never got picked when we chose teams, when we played in the summer," she informed the others. "He used to trip over the bases, so no one wanted him."

Xander feigned a glare at the redhead, before turning back to Buffy. "Relax," he told her. "Willow's already beaten you to it." He glanced around at the others invitingly. "Anyone else want to take a swing while I'm already down?" he asked.

"I'd pick you for my team, luv," Spike told him softly. The words were only meant for Xander, but his voice carried a little more than he had meant it to.

The Scooby Gang stared at Spike, collective jaws dropping.

"What?" Spike challenged them. "I figured I could use the whelp's hide for extra balls and the like," he explained rather lamely.

"Thanks," Xander told him dryly. "I'm touched, Bleachboy. Really."

Spike gave him a grin.

"I'll go with Spike," Willow chirped up immediately.

Xander gave his friend a quick look and caught the smug look in her eyes and the sly glance she threw in his direction.

Oh, yeah. She knew.

"Right," Buffy said, completely oblivious to what else might be going on. "Xander, you're with me. Giles?" she prompted the ex-librarian.

"What?" he glanced up from the book he was looking over with Tara. "Oh, er, no, I think I'll finish up here," he told her.

"I'll stay too," Tara spoke softly, after a knowing look at her girlfriend.

"Right then," Buffy ordered. "Let's move out then."

"Sir, yes, sir!" Xander retorted sarcastically, ducking the playful swing she took at him as they made their way out the door.

"I suppose you're going to threaten to do nasty things to my gizzards, if I ever hurt him," Spike drawled to the little redhead once they were well out of hearing of the others.

"Yeah, actually," Willow smiled at him, angelically. "But I was going to go with eviscerating every single miniscule particle of you with a Descimation Spell," she informed the blond vampire, cheerily.

Spike resisted the urge to smirk at her and gave her a serious look. "Well, you needn't bother, Red," he told her honestly. "I'm not going to hurt him. I'm not going to let anyone hurt him." The last was spoken with quiet determination.

Willow gave him a long look. "Yes, I know," she replied softly. "That wasn't the only reason I came with you, though," she went on. She gave him a direct look. "I want to know what Angel did to Xander. He's the reason you beat Angel up, isn't he?"

"The big poof needed a beating, anyways," Spike answered evasively.

"But you had a reason this time," she pulled Spike back to the point. "And I want to know what it is. And I get the feeling that if I bring it up with Xander, all I'll get is a blank look."

"That's all you be getting from me too, Red," Spike replied, not meeting the witch's gaze.

Willow gave him exaspperated look and then went back to pondering aloud. "It can't have really been anything Angel has done," she mused. "He's hardly been anywhere near Xander with that soul of his. But Angelus..."

She saw Spike's jaw tighten immediately.

"But Angelus could've done something to him," she went on, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on Spike's for anymore tell-tale reactions. "But surely Xander would've told us, if not Buffy."

Spike's eyes darkened dangerously. "Some things aren't that easy to share, pet," Spike told her, without thinking. His expression tightened again as he realised his mistake.

"If he didn't turn him, and he didn't drain him," Willow continued her musing. "Which he didn't. Obviously. Then, what could be so bad that he..." she trailed off, her eyes widening. "Oh goddess," she gasped, her lower lip trembling and her eyes filling with tears. She turned to Spike for affirmation.

Spike's expression was filled with self-hatred. "I knew," he admitted. "Angelus would come home gloating about his cleverness. I knew," his voice dropped to a whisper. "And I did nothing," he finished, the self-loathing thickening in his throat.

Willow bit her lip and quickly wiped her eyes clean, swallowing the lump in her throat. "He wanted Angel dead so badly," she said to no one in particular. "We just thought he was jealous. The things we called him..." She looked at Spike, mortified. "And all that time he was...oh Goddess, how could he ever forgive us?"

Spike wrapped one arm around the witch and gave her a squeeze. "You know how, pet," Spike told her softly. "He's Xander. His friends always come first."

Willow shook her head, pulling away from the vampire, still caught up in her shock and mortification. "How can I ever forgive us? Oh, goddess..." she trailed off.

They walked in silence for a long while, both caught up in their thoughts. It was just as well it was a quiet night for the Hellmouth, and they didn't run in anything remotely Hellmouth-y. Neither of them were in any state of mind for a fight.

Eventually, they finished their rounds and returned to the Magic Box, where Xander was waiting for Spike outside. Buffy had thankfully already gone home, so she didn't witness Willow's headlong run into her friend's arms and ask questions.

"Oh god, Xander, I'm so sorry," Willow cried into Xander's hesitant embrace.

Xander's eyes widened as he realised what Willow was referring to, then rapidly filled with tears. His arms tightened around the little witch and he began to cry with her.

"Oh Wills," he sobbed. "I wanted so badly to tell you, but..." he trailed off.

Willow didn't answer, just hugged him closer to her, burying her face in his shoulder.

They stood there for a long time, arms wrapped around each other, just holding each other, while Spike stood guard of them a few feet away, his eyes dark and unreadable.

When they finally broke apart, Spike was at Xander's side instantly, sliding his arm around the boy and pressing a soft kiss to his temple as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Xander was not suprised that the blond vampire did not bother with discretion in front of the little redhead. Willow had probably known about them as long as they had.

"You won't tell the others, will you?" Xander asked of Willow.

"No," she replied immediately. "Not if you don't want me to. But," Willow regarded her friend seriously, "you're going to have to tell them sometime."

Xander shook his head in denial. "No, I..." he trailed off briefly. "I can't," he whispered. Spike instinctively pulled him closer. "I couldn't stand their disappointment," he finished finally in a barely audible voice.

Willow looked as though she had been punched in the stomach. "It isn't your fault, Xander," Willow stared at her friend. "Oh, goddess, you didn't think...Xander, they'd never be disappointed in you." She gave him her resolve face. "*I'd* never be disappointed in you. Ever. And especially not for this." She held his gaze for a long moment, making sure he got the message.

Xander didn't answer, just dropped his gaze to his feet. Spike immediately pulled him into a half-embrace from the side.

Willow reached out and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. "It's up to you, Xander," she told him softly. "But you have to know that we'd never be disappointed in you."

Xander glanced and up and nodded a little reluctantly. It seemed to satisfy Willow.

The little redhead made her way to the door of the Magic Box, then suddenly stopped unexpectedly and rose up on her tiptoes to give Spike a quick kiss on the cheek. "Thanks for looking after him," she told the vampire, before disappearing inside.

Xander looked after in amazement. "She kissed you," he observed. His expression fell into a familar grin. "I wonder if I should be jealous," he pondered, his humour once again bouncing back, regardless of the situation.

Spike smirked at him. "Think we can talk her into a threesome, pet?" he asked as they began to make their way down the darkened streets of Sunnydale, arms still firmly wrapped around each other.

"She has a girlfriend, Spike," Xander pointed out.

"Foursome, then?" Spike shot back with a grin. "We could...work spells together."

Xander gave the vampire a searching look. "What if I don't want to share?" he asked seriously.

Spike's grin turned to a gentle smile. "Then, that's fine by me, luv," he told Xander seriously.

They walked a little further.

Spike's grin turned sly. "You can just watch instead," he said.

Buffy cursed as she turned the handle on the front door and found it wouldn't budge. Dawn was in LA, staying with their father and her mother was staying overnight at the hospital to have some tests done.

And Buffy, defender of the world, one of the best vapire Slayers in history, and general superhero, had left her keys beside the till in the Magic Box.

"Damnit!" she swore. There was no way she could break into the house without breaking something.

Buffy had insisted that her sister and her mother make sure the house was unpenetrable, even when no one was home. They all knew very well, that while vampires needed to be invited, there were plenty of other nasties that didn't need an invitation who were just as deadly.

And while Buffy could easily smash a window, she doubted very much that her mother would be impressed with her, if she did.

With a sigh, the petite blond Slayer began the walk back to the Magic Box.

She was about halfway there when she heard two very familar voices echo down the darkened streets.

Normally, Buffy would never hide from her friend and sometime ally, but something about their exchange, or perhaps something deeper, told her that maybe now would be a good time to start. After all, there was no harm in a little eavesdropping, was there?

Buffy slipped quietly into an alley and listened carefully as the blond vampire and dark-haired slayerette approached.

"That wasn't very funny," she heard Xander's voice. He sounded like he was almost...pouting?

Spike chuckled. "I thought it was," the vampire replied.

"You also think ripping the heads of puppies is amusing," Xander pointed out. "But I'm guessing that if you slipped that into a stand-up routine, the audience wouldn't be too impressed."

"You've obviously never seen a headless puppy," Spike said knowingly.

"No, I haven't," Xander answered. "And for future reference, I don't particularly want to, so if you're planning on giving me one for my birthday, forget it."

Buffy frowned. They sounded as if they were...joking around. They almost seemed friendly. Usually, the two of them only ever exchanged insults. What had changed?

"All I suggested was a little bit of play with the witches," Spike defended himself. "No need to get so defensive about it."

Buffy's eyes widened. Spike had suggested what? Oh, she was going to dust him for that. Well, at least scare him a bit. Buffy slipped her hand in her jacket to grasp her stake and was about to step out of the alleyway when she heard Xander speak again:

"But you weren't going to let me play, too," he said in the pouty little voice.

Buffy froze, trying not to choke on her suprise. This wasn't what it sounded like. It couldn't be.

Just then, the two of them walked past her alleyway and she saw that their arms were wrapped firmly around each other and at the moment Spike was looking at Xander with what appeared to be a leer on his face.

Buffy stood very, very still and continued to watch them.

"What can I say, pet?" Spike drawled. "I don't like to share, either." The blond vampire began to nuzzle Xander's neck. Buffy watched as his tongue slipped out between his lips and began to trace designs on Xander's neck.

Xander gasped and they stopped walking entirely. Xander tugged Spike's face towards his own and captured the vampire's lips in a passionate kiss. Their bodies pressed together, tightly. Buffy watched on in shocked amazement.

Eventually, they pulled apart. "We should go home," Xander suggested a little breathlessly. "Now." His voice rang with needy demand.

Spike's eyes darkened. "Are you sure, pet?" the blond vampire asked Xander seriously.

"Ohh, yeah," Xander replied, rocking his hips against the vampire's.

"I just mean..." Spike trailed off, giving Xander a significant look. Buffy felt certain that she was missing something under the innuendo.

Xander nodded immediately. "Angel's back in LA," he said. "I never have to see the bastard again. And I want you so badly, that..." he trailed off, becoming rapidly distracted by Spike licking his lips. Xander leant forward and kisssed him again.

"I'll never let him hurt you again," the blond vampire declared, when they broke apart again. "I'll never let anyone hurt you again. You're mine." They kissed again. Even more feverently this time.

"Home," Xander ordered. "Now." And with that the two of them began to half-walk, half-run all towards Xander's apartment.

Once they were a safe distance away, Buffy stepped out of the shadows of the alley and stared after them in confusion.

Angel had hurt Xander? And Spike was protecting Xander as well as...no, she didn't want to go down that train of thought just yet. Was that why Spike had beaten up Angel?

A pang of guilt shot through Buffy. If Angel really had hurt Xander, she should've been the one to beat Angel to a bloody pulp. Instead she had accused Xander's defender and threatened to stake him. And what had Angel done to Xander? And what kind of friend was she if she didn't even know?

Buffy had very few moments of clarity in her life. One was when she first accepted her duty as the Slayer, another was the moment before she sent Angel to Hell, the moment when she stabbed Faith, the moment she defeated Adam, and those few minutes before Riley had left in the helicopter.

This moment would have to be the latest one.

Memories flashed through her mind:

//Giles apartment. Miss Calender dead. Giles missing.

"So Giles is gonna try to kill Angel then?" Cordelia asks.

"Well, it's about time somebody did." Xander replied.

"Xander!" Willow chided her friend.

"I'm sorry," Xander apologised, "but let's not forget that I hated Angel long before you guys jumped on the bandwagon. So I think I deserve a little something for not saying 'I told you so' long before now. And if Giles wants to go after the, uh," he meets Buffy's gaze. "Fiend that murdered his girlfriend, I say, 'Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!'"//

//The cemetry. A sick Buffy fights off Angel.

He punches her in the gut, then grabs her by the neck and shoves her around and into a corner column of the small mausoleum. She is dazed and tries to regain her balance, but doesn't get a chance because Angelus wastes no time punching her in the face and knocking her flat on her back. He gets on top of her and pins her arms down.

Angelus leers over her. "Uh-oh. This does not look good for our heroine," he drawls derisively.

He starts to bend down to bite her, but just then Willow throws Xander's jacket over Angelus' head. As she backs away, Xander grabs his head under the jacket, punches him and knees him twice in the face.

Buffy catches a glance of Xander's face as he belts into Angel. There is a sick kind of satisfaction in his expression, mixed with a fierce anger and hatred, and an intense fear.//

//The library. The air is thick with tension. She and Willow have just announced that they have the curse to restore Angel's humanity.

Xander meets her gaze angrily. "Hi! For those of you who have just tuned in, everyone here is a crazy person," his gaze becomes a glare. "So this spell might restore Angel's humanity? Well, here's an interesting angle," Xander's voice becomes harsh. "Who cares?" he demands.

"I care," Buffy answers softly.

Xander's glare does not falter. "Is that right?" he replies coldly.

"Let's not lose our perspective here, Xander," Giles interjects before things become too heated.

Willow stares at Xander in angry disbelief.

Xander does not budge. "I'm Perspective Guy," he answers. "Angel's a killer."

"Xander..." Willow warns her friend.

"It's not that simple," Buffy insists.

Xander's look becomes sickly disgusted. There is a tinge of fear there. "What? All is forgiven? I can't believe you people!" he exclaims, a slight hint of desperation in his voice.//

//The morning before Buffy sends Angel to Hell. Outside the mansion with Xander. The light is almost painfully bright.

"Willow..." Xander begins. "Uh, she told me to tell you..." he trails off, his eyes darkening with barely repressed fear and hatred.

"Tell me what?" Buffy prompts him.

Xander's voice is stone cold when he replies. "Kick his ass."//

//The library. The day after the Valentine's Day dance at the Bronze. Running through Angel's history with Giles.

"Here's one," Giles tells her. His face grows tense as he reads.

Buffy becomes concerned. "What is it?" she asks.

Giles sighs and looks down, refusing to meet her gaze. "Angel," he begins. "He, uh...he," he glances up and catches her gaze, a sick expression in his eyes. "He rapes the close friend of his victim and carves 'Love Angel' into her back."//

//In the cafeteria line with Xander, the day after the debacle with the love spell.

"So you and Cordy an item again?" Buffy asks Xander.

He smiles a little sheepishly. "Yeah, maybe that spell worked after all," he muses.

"Xander," Buffy chides him. "You don't need a spell to be wanted," she tells him, poking his back, teasingly.

He flinches. Hard. He winces briefly in pain, but his expression clears so quickly Buffy isn't sure of what she saw.

He looks a little sick as they eat their lunch.//

//Xander hastily backing away from Angel in the Magic Box. The relief and anger that washes over his face when Angel is called away.

"Would someone remind me again why we need Deadboy here?" he demands.

"Xander, you know why," Willow begina placatingly.

"No," he replies. "I don't. I don't understand why he's even welcome here after..." he trails off, breathing becoming uneven and the sweat beginning to flow off him. "I can't deal with this," he mutters and pushes open the door and runs out into the night.

A few minutes later Spike follows him.//

Buffy leant heavily against the brick wall, shaking with anger as she realised the truth. "Oh god, oh god," she chanted under her breath.

What Xander must have been through. What he must have had to deal with all by himself. Not willing to let them help him. Not willing to let them have to suffer too. Protecting them. Protecting her.

The rage surged in Buffy's veins. And Angel. How could he have let Xander continue to suffer to the extent where two years later, he was still shaking in fear at the sight of his rapist's body?

Without even realising her own intentions, Buffy raced to the Magic Box and stormed inside.

Giles, Tara and Willow looked up in suprise at the raging Slayer.

She turned to Giles. "Give me the keys to your car," she demanded.

Giles frowned. "Buffy, I.." he broke off and began to clean his glasses nervously. "I don't understand. Has something come up?"

"I need to go to LA," she told him. "There's something I have to take care of. Right now."

Willow's eyes widened. They were still slightly blood-shot from her teary session with Xander, but not so much that it was noticeable. The tears threatened to rise again.

"You know," the redheaded witch breathed.

Buffy turned on her. "You mean you've known about this and you didn't bother to tell me what was going on?" she demanded, angrily.

"Only since tonight," Willow replied quickly. "Spike and I talked, and I..um, guessed."

"Would someone please inform me of what's going on?" Giles interuppted, annoyance evident in his voice. "Especially, since it's my car which is playing a vital role in...well, in whatever this is."

Before Willow could tell Buffy not to, she turned to the Watcher and replied.

"Remember how we thought Angelus had settled on flowers for Valentine's Day?" she reminded him. "Well, it turns out he sent me another gift, only it got...lost in the mail."

Giles eyes darkened. Mention of Angelus could never be good. "What do you mean?" he demanded.

"I mean," she replied, her voice thick with anger. "That I'm almost a hundred percent certain that Xander has a scar on his back that reads 'Love Angel'."

If Willow and Buffy had never seen Ripper before, they certainly got acquainted with him now. Giles' eyes darkened to almost completely black orbs and his face was set in tense, determined, and angry lines. He went around the shop collecting weapons. Not long distance ones, but close contact ones like clubs and staffs.

"I'm coming with you," he told Buffy matter-of-factly.

"Giles--" Buffy began, but the Watcher cut her off.

"Xander's may as well be my son," he said frankly. "I'm coming with you," he repeated. He packed the weapons into a sportsbag and looked at her inquiringly. "Shall we?"

Willow closed her book and stood. "I'm coming as well," she told them.

Buffy nodded. "Let's go, then" she instructed them.

"I'll stay here until you get back," Tara offered immediately. "I can sleep out back."

Willow gave Tara a quick thank-you kiss on the lips and then the three of them marched out of the shop.

Giles had never been happier that he had finally gotten rid of the Citoren, than when he was speeding at almost full speed down the stretch of highway between Sunnydale and LA. The rate in which they had covered the distance would probably rival most professional racers.

Protective rage was one hell of a driving force.

It was a little past two in the morning when Buffy, flanked by Willow and Giles stormed into the Hyperion Hotel, weapons in hand and faces blank of anything except pure rage.

Cordelia blinked as they arrived. Working for a vampire meant keeping unusual hours, which meant two in the morning was a fairly usual time for her to be at work.

Wesley and Gunn were out checking a lead, and Angel was in his room, brooding, like he had been since he had gotten back from Sunnydale covered from tip to toe in bruises and refusing to tell her anything about it.

Thanks to his rapid vampiric healining, the bruises had cleared up, but from the look of the angry scoobies that had just stormed in, Cordelia got the feeling that was a purely temporary arrangement.

"What the--?" she began to ask, but Willow cut her off, by tossing her a metal rod which appeared to be some sort of baton.

"Trust me, Cordelia," she told the ex-cheerleader. "You're going to want in on this."

Cordelia wavered for a moment, but her old loyalty to the Scooby Gang clicked in, overriding her current loyalty to Angel.

Besides, something huge must be going down if cup-of-tea-and-a-book-night-in-Giles was weilding a big hunk of wood wearing a look that could kill.

She caught the baton and followed suit. "He's upstairs," she told them.

As a group, they marched upstairs, Cordy leading the way to his room. Instead of knocking, Buffy casually kicked the door down.

Angel glanced up in suprise to see the collective Scooby Gang bearing down on him. The suprise quickly gave way to recognition, and Angel closed the book he was reading and waited for the first blow.

Buffy punched upside of the face, sending him tumbling off his chair and sprawling to the floor. "Payback time," she told him, giving him a smooth kick to his ribs, making him double over.

"You mess with one of us," Willow began, bringing her club down heavily across Angel's head with a loud thud.

"You mess with all of us," Giles finished for her. The flustering librarian was gone. In that moment, Giles was Ripper to the core. He belted Angel across his shoulder, neck and jaw with his weapon, making the vampire curl up and hiss in pain.

"How many times did you do it?" Buffy demanded, taking the oppurtunity to lay into Angel with her boots. He groaned and tried to roll away from her attack, but only managed to roll into Ripper's club, which met him with a frightful force.

"How many times did you rape Xander?" Buffy demanded angrily, her attack becoming much more vicious. She was now aiming for the sensitive areas, and holding nothing back in her kicks.

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Cordelia saw red. The ex-cheerleader had never been angrier in her life. Despite everything, she still thought of Xander as her friend and to find out that Angel, the man she'd trusted wholly for the past year had harmed him...it filled her with a rage she'd never before experienced.

Cordelia launched herself at the vampire, scratching deep lines across his face with her nails. She dug her fingernails into his scalp painfully and slammed his head down into the floor repeatedly, only satisfied when blood began to flow across his face.

"I..." Angel began but trailed off.

"How many times?" Willow demanded, uncharacteristically fierce, as she kicked him in the groin hard.

The vampire doubled over in pain. He was half-afraid to stay silent, because he knew they would not stop until he did. And he was half-afraid to answer because he knew full well, that his answer may get him dusted or sent to Hell for a second time.

That was the secret of the Scooby Gang. What made them so strong was their fierce loyalty to each other, not their loyalty to the good fight.

Mostly, they played the defensive card. Reacting to evil, instead of acting before evil had a chance. But when one of their own was hurt, they immediately became the predators they always had the potential to become. They hunted the guilty and they made them pay.

It was a mistake to believe that they were only goody-goody fighters and nothing more. They had the ability to be ruthless, thorough and deadly. Their dedication to the good fight fell short of their dedication to each other.

And Angel knew that all the good deeds in the world weren't going to save him if they decided what he'd done warranted death as a punishment.

"Eight," he finally managed to gasp out.

Everything was still for a moment as they processed what he had said. The silence hung thick in the air like pure tension.

But then, the moment passed and all hell broke loose.

All four members of the Scooby Gang let go of any kind of control and pounced on him at once, each attacking in their own vicious way.

Cordelia went for the face, resorting to pulling huge chunks of his hair out and scratching her nails down his face in deep lines.

Willow, lacking physical strength, concentrated on the vulnerable areas and threw everything she had behind every hit.

Ripper was fiercely pounding his back and his shoulders with his club, leaving the crack of bones breaking in his wake.

And Buffy went at him from the front, beating his chest and rib area, alternating between her boots and her fists.

Spike's attack had been vicious and even the combined forces of the Scooby Gang couldn't top the blond vampire's vehement attack, but they were doing a damn good job of matching it.

Angel howled with pain and tried desperately to flinch away from the constant barrage of blows, but everywhere he moved, there was another scooby, desperate for a pound of his flesh.

Just when the pain reached the point where Angel thought he might finally pass out into sweet oblivion, the Scooby Gang somehow came to a silent decision and rolled him over so that he was lying on his stomach.

He felt rough hands push up the back of his shirt and then the sharp prick of a a knife cutting deeply into his skin.

He didn't need a reflection to know what they were carving into him. The severe lines that sent jolts of pain through to every nerve and the intent behind them indented the message onto his mind.

'Never Again'.

Angel silently thanked his lucky stars that Spike mustn't have known about the little message he left on Xander's back, or the blond vampire would've surely written whole tomes into him with his happy blade.

The Scooby Gang were vicious, but they didn't have the palate for revenge that his Childe did.

Once the message was finished, they dropped him to the floor and left him there, striding out of the room and down the stairs.

Angel listened as the Scooby Gang drove away and Cordelia followed suit, no doubt taking his car back to her apartment. It would be a few days before he saw his employee again, Angel knew. Though that might be a good thing, considering how furious she must be with him right now.

In his last few moments of consciousness, Angel could only muse that he deserved much worse than this, but ironically, the only person vicious enough to hand out what he deserved, was Angelus.

Wesley and Gunn found him in that same position six hours later and moved him to safety, just before the sunlight from the window reached him.

"That wasn't very funny," Xander pouted at Spike.

Spike couldn't stop the grin that curled around his lips. Xander looked so cute looking up at him with those big puppy dog eyes and plump lower lip sticking out at him, just beggin to be kissed.

Of course, Spike knew it was all for show, but hey, Spike was enjoying the show.

"I thought it was," Spike replied with a chuckle.

Xander rolled his eyes. "You also think ripping the heads of puppies is amusing," Xander pointed out. "But I'm guessing that if you slipped that into a stand-up routine, the audience wouldn't be too impressed."

Actually, Spike didn't mind puppies with heads still attached. Dru had a habit of picking up strays on the way home and keeping them for weeks, amusing herself by feeding them bits of dead human.

Eventually she'd either turn them into a snack or forget to feed them, but in the meantime, when the feldglings weren't around and Dru wasn't paying attention, Spike had occassionally enjoyed playing with them.

But that was something Spike would never admit to anyone. Not even Xander. So instead he gave the boy a knowing look and said: "You've obviously never seen a headless puppy".

Xander's face wrinkled in disgust. "No I haven't," he replied. "And for future reference, I don't particularly want to, so if you're planning on giving me one for my birthday, forget it."

Spike grinned, pulling the boy closer. "Valentine's Day, then?" he whispered in Xander's ear.

Xander gave him a look. "Can we drop the dead puppies?" he asked planitively. "I think you've met your quota of out-of-the-question suggestions for the night."

Spike gave him a mock-indignant look. "All I suggested was a little bit of play with the witches," he defended himself. "No need to get so defensive about it."

The pout returned with avengence and those choclate eyes were wide and innocent. "But you weren't going to let me play too," Xander complained.

God, he looked adorable, thought Spike. He just wanted to take him in his arms and...His eyes darkened with lust. "What can I say, pet?" he said in his sexiest drawl. "I don't like to share, either." He leant forward and pressed his lips against Xander's neck, sliding his tongue out to taste him. He tasted of sweat and musk and something undefineably Xander.

Xander gasped and pulled them to a halt, before tugging Spike's face up into a searing kiss. His tongue swept out immediately to duel with Spike's cool one, and he pressed his entire body against Spike, their hardening lengths rubbing against each other through the layers of denim.

Finally, Xander pulled away to breathe. "We should go home," he gasped. "Now."

Oh god, how long Spike had wanted to hear those words with that infliction and intention behind them. But he had to be sure the boy was ready. God help him, Spike, ruthless killer, cared about Xander, a mortal.

"Are you sure?" he asked Xander, his voice tinted with concern.

Xander ground his hips against Spike, making the vampire moan. "Ohhh yeaahh," Xander added his own pleasureable sounds.

Spike pulled himself back from the one track his mind was rapidly going down and gave Xander a serious look. "I just mean..." he trailed off, knowing Xander would know what he meant without words.

Xander nodded. "Angel's back in LA and I never have to see the bastard again," he told the vampire. His eyes darkened. "And I want," the way Xander spoke that single word sent shivers down Spike's spine and a jolt of arousal to his groin.

He licked his suddenly dry lips, aware that he'd missed whatever it was that Xander was saying. He didn't have time to contemplate what the rest of the sentence might have been because suddenly Xander's hot mouth was pressed against his again and he lost himself in the kiss.

Xander pulled back, but only so much that he could speak. "Home," he demanded. "Now." There was a hint of desperation in his voice that Spike could whole-heartedly relate to. They both took off down the street together, staying as close as was possible with keeping up their speed.

The moment they entered Xander's bedroom, however, the mood shifted. Spike broke away from Xander and stood still about a foot away, his eyes trailing over the boy almost reverently, but with a hunger that made Xander's blood boil.

Xander was looking back at him with something akin to wonder. He smiled a little bashfully as Spike's eyes levelled with his.

Xander shyly reached out a hand to him. Spike took it, twining his fingers with Xander's and gently tugging the boy closer to him, until they were parted by less than an inch. He leaned forward and brushed his cheek alongside Xander's ever-so-gently, as if he was a cat yearning a caress. Then he drew his free hand up to frame Xander's face, pulling him in for a kiss.

The first touch was brief, barely a whisper of lips against lips. But then, Spike lapped softly against Xander's bottom lip and suddenly Xander was pulling Spike to him and wrapping his arms around the vampire fiercely as their lips met more forceably and the kiss turned passionate.

Fingers fumbled between them for the fastenings of clothing, and hands grasped, pulling material away and reaching towards skin.

Xander was beginning to grow impatient, but Spike refused to speed up. The way he was undressing Xander was something Xander was not used to: Reverence. As if he was worth something. As if he was worth the world.

Finally, after a few long minutes and a few even longer and lingering kisses, the last piece of clothing fell to the floor.

Spike walked them both backwards until they hit the bed and gently laid Xander out, crawling up his body until every inch of him covered every inch of Xander.

Xander was breathing heavily by the time Spike was face to face with him again. He arched up against the blond vampire, desperate for more contact. They both groaned in unison as their erections brushed against each other.

Spike leaned forward and ran his cool mouth across Xander's throat, making him gasp. His tongue slid across the heated skin in intricate designs, until he reached Xander's adam's apple and began to suck. It wasn't hard enough to break the skin, but it was enough to leave a noticeable red mark and make Xander arch up against him.

His cool mouth continued his path down Xander's torso, while Xander gasped and writhed beneath him. When he wrapped his lips around one of Xander's nipples and suckled at it, the gasps rapidly became groans, and the writhing became frenzied.

"Oh ggod Spike," he managed to ground out.

Spike gave him an evil grin and continued his trail downwards until he reached Xander's groin. Splaying his hands out on the inside of Xander's thighs, Spike leant forward, sliding a tongue up the length of Xander's cock.

Xander's hips bucked off the bed with a curse. "Oh god, oh god, oh godd--" Xander chanted under his breath as Spike's cool tongue worked slid up and around Xander's erection. His litany broke off into a tortured groan, as Spike's lips closed around his cock and proceeded to swallow him down to the root.

"GOD!" Xander cried out, barely able to stop himself from arching up off the bed. He reached down and sunk his hands in Spike's suprisingly soft blond hair, and bit his lip to keep from screaming as the vampire expertly suckled and licked at his erection.

The cool mouth was unlike anything Xander had ever expreience. The contrast to his heated flesh was enough to makes his every nerve tingle with pleasure, but add the accumulated skill of over a century and Xander felt like he was about to lose his mind.

Suddenly, just when Xander was on the brink, Spike's mouth was replaced with his hand, but before Xander had the chance to voice a protest, he felt the vampire's cool tongue sliding between his cheeks to lap at his puckered entrance.

Xander moaned and thrust his hips up to give Spike better access.

Spike made good use of it. He circled the entrance with his tongue, then pushed against the tight ring of mucles until he gained entrance. At first the inside muscles remained tight, but after a few strokes of his erection and some gentle prodding, the muscles relaxed and Spike was able to slide his tongue in further. He thrust his tongue in and out of the boy in an imitation of what he intended to do later, making Xander moan and begin to writhe towards him in an attempt to get more contact.

After Xander had relaxed sufficently, Spike pulled back and replaced his tongue with two lubed fingers. He deftly found the right spot and pushed against it, making Xander let out a strangled cry and buck against his hand.

"Jeeezus," Xander swore, continously writhing back and forth on the bed.

Spike scissored and thrust the fingers into him, strecthing the muscles. When he slid a third finger in, however, Xander grabbed his hand and stopped him.

"Enough!" he panted. "I want...I want you...in me," he struggled to catch his breath. "Gotta have you," he gasped. "Please Spike," he begged. "Oh god, please."

The desperation in Xander's voice was more than enough to break him. Spike wanted this so very badly, and to hear that same want in Xander's voice sent a wave of pure need through him. Pulling his fingers from Xander, he moved further up the bed, sliding Xander's legs over his shoulders and positioning himself at his entrance.

Before he thrust into him, he leant forward and caught Xander's lips in a passionate kiss.

"I love you," Spike gasped as pushed into Xander. "I love you."

At first Xander was too caught up in the new sensations to realise what Spike had said, but when he did, he stared at the blond vampire with wide eyes. Those piercing blue eyes were fixed on him with an intensity that Xander had never seen before, in anyone.

"I love you," Spike repeated.

Xander immediately pulled him down into another passionate kiss, plundering the vampire's mouth ruthlessly, as if he was trying to devour him, or be devoured by him.

"I love you, too," Xander gasped when they finally broke apart so that he could breath. "I love you, I love you, I love you," he chanted.

Spike moaned and pulled him into another kiss and began to move.

Xander met his kiss with a ferocity that Spike didn't know he possessed. The vampire had planned to keep his pace slow and steady, but the way Xander was bucking his hips up against Spike let him know that Xander was having none of it.

"Want you," Xander gasped. "Harder. Please, Spike, please," he begged.

"Jesus, pet!" Spike swore. "As if..oh...I could...oh god..say..uh, uh," Spike rapily lost his train of thought and began to thrust harder into Xander.

Xander pushed back just as hard, until they were racing each other's pace. Their movements became frenzied and Spike could feel his climax approaching. Determined to have Xander with him when he crossed the edge, he reached between them and grasped his erection and began to stroke it in time with his thrusts.

With a low growl, Spike tumbled over the edge, crying out Xander's name. He kept up his thrusts and stroking until he felt Xander follow him over the edge a moment later with a strangled cry that Spike was pretty sure was meant to be his name.

For a few minutes there was nothing but the sound of them both panting heavily, as they both came back down to earth.

Spike slid off Xander to lay beside him, pulling the brunette into his arms. He stroked the boy's forehead, brushing back his hair and wiping away the tiny droplets of sweat forming there. "I love you," he repeated, his voice filled with a strange kind of wonder.

Xander smiled and snuggled closer, resting his head on the vampire's chest. "I love you, too," he murmured through a yawn. "You're all.....loveable." He closed his eyes and promptly fell asleep.

Spike gave his lover an amused look. 'Idiot,' he thought affectionately.

He trailed his hands down Xander's back. Spike frowned as his hands ran across a patch of scarred skin on the boy's lower back. He peered down, but it was hard to see anything in this light. He could see that the scar had some more porminent ridges, and he curiously ran his fingers along the first lines, which made a corner.

His brow furrowed. What could possibly leave a mark like this?

He traced his fingers further along the scar and felt the outline of a circle after the corner. A sudden thought occured to him and he didn't like it one bit. He quickly ran his fingers over the next ridges and sure enough he felt a 'V'. He felt the anger begin to rise in him. He quickly traced across the rest of the scar, a sick feeling in his stomach, until he had the whole message.

'Love Angel'.

"That fucking asshole!" he swore. Xander stirred slightly in his sleep, and Spike gave himself a reminder to curse inwardly.

He fumed silently. The scars around Angel's message were much too rough to have been done by Angel himself. Xander must've sliced this part of his back up himself to erase the message. Spike felt across the length and breadth of the scarring. Fuck, this must've hurt. The boy could've killed himself cutting this much of his back away.

Spike felt the anger boiling in him again. The fucking ponce deserved a worse beating than what he'd given him for this. Soul or no soul, the bastard had to pay.

Xander shifted again in his arms and Spike immediately returned his attention back to the boy. He wrapped his arms around him tighter, pulling his closer to him. One hand gently trailed through his dark hair. "I love you," he told the sleeping boy. "No one's ever going to hurt you," he promised. "I love you."

Forcing himself to bottle his anger for now, Spike settled himself comfortably against Xander and tried to sleep.

For the first time in a long time, Xander was having a really good dream.

There was a cool mouth trailing down his heated torso. A cool tongue slipped out between soft lips and traced intricate designs all over his body, leaving trails of fire in their wake.

Xander gasped as the mouth settled over one of his nipples and sucked at the hardened nub. Xander arched into the touch. When the mouth left his nipple, he let out a moan of protest, which he quickly turned into a groan of pleasure as the lips settled around his cock and proceeded to swallow him down to the root.

Xander's hips arched forward instinctively towards that skilled mouth. He felt a cool tongue swirl around his cock as the mouth began to fuck him at an excrutiatingly slow pace. His hands clenched in the bed clothes and he struggled to keep his hips in place.

"Faster," he managed to gasp out the comand.

Xander cried out as he felt a very gentle scrape of teeth up his cock, and then began to moan as the mouth obeyed his command, and began to suck him harder and faster.

Xander felt a cool hand slip between his legs and knead his balls as the mouth increased pressure on his cock. Unable to stop himself, Xander arched up into the mouth and bit his lip to keep from screaming as he came. He half suceeded, instead letting out a strangled cry.

"Gyaahh!" Xander cried out, his eyes flying open. "God!" He was panting heavily.

Spike swallowed every last bit of Xander's seed and then peered up at him from in between his legs. He let Xander's softening cock slip out of his mouth and he gave his lover an evil grin.

"Morning, love," he greeted the startled looking slayertte.

"S-Spike?" Xander managed to get out. All at once the memories of the night before rushed back to him. He pulled the blond vampire up until his hips rested between his own thighs and his face was on level with Xander's own. He sunk his hands into the soft blond hair and pulled the vampire into a searing kiss.

Spike leant into the kiss, sliding his tongue out to duel with Xander's, unconsciously thrusting his hips against his lover's torso, his own erection brushing Xander's thigh.

Xander took the hint and reached one hand between them and closed it around Spike's cock as a fist and began to pump it.

Spike groaned and pressed himself tighter against Xander, thrusting his cock into Xander's hand. Xander began to pump him faster. Spike pulled back from the kiss and leaned his forehead against Xander's shoulder as the sensations began to overwhelm him.

Seeing Spike's neck bared to him, Xander impulsively leaned forward and bit down on his shoulder with blunt teeth. He tightened his fist around Spike's cock as he did.

The blond vampire bucked wildly against Xander, calling his lover's name as he came. Spike collapsed weakly against Xander and the slayerette immediately wrapped his arms around the blond vampire.

Xander placed a gentle kiss against Spike's forehead. "Morning," he returned the greeting, finally.

Spike shifted around until they were lying side by side in a loose embrace. He grimaced as his hand ran down Xander's back and felt the scar again.

Xander saw the expression. "What's the matter?" he asked the vampire immediately, fear tainting his voice.

Spike's hand settled across the scar. He gave Xander a significant look. "Why didn't you tell me, pet?" he asked his lover softly.

Xander's expression clouded, his eyes cast downwards and Spike wished he'd kept his mouth shut. He immediately soothed the boy, running his hands through his lush dark hair and gently caressing his cheek with his fingers.

"Never mind, love," Spike told him quickly, to erase the haunted look in his lover's eyes.

One of Xander's hands fidgetted absently in Spike's hair. Finally, he seemed to shake off the mood that had fallen over them and looked Spike in the eye. "It's okay," he said eventually.

His expression shifted into more relaxed planes. He squinted at the alarm clock. "Whoa, hold up!" he protested suddenly. "I think you woke me under false pretenses," he accused the blond vampire. "The sun isn't even up yet."

It was a clumsy change of subject, but Spike let him get away with it. "Actually, pet," the blond vampire corrected his lover with a smug grin. "Technically anytime after midnight counts as morning."

"Doesn't," Xander denied stubbornly, making a face. "It isn't morning until the sun is in the middle of the sky," he informed Spike loftily.

"I think they call that noon," Spike corrected him, helpfully. "Besides," a sly grin slipped across the vampire's lips. "Didn't you like waking up?"

Xander blushed as he recalled Spike's cool, skillful mouth all over him. He tried to smother his obvious reaction. "It's not the point." He pouted at his lover. "I hate early mornings."

Spike leered at him. "I bet I can make you like them," Spike told him with a low growl.

Xander gave him a mock-thoughtful look. "I don't know," he mused aloud with mock-dubiousness. "I really, really don't like them." A sliver of a smile player on his lips. "You'd have to try very, very hard."

"I'll be bloody persistent then, pet," Spike growled, pulling Xander into a passionate kiss.

When they finally parted so that Xander could breathe, the brunette gave Spike a long, examining look. "Why did you wake me up this early?" he asked him. "I know there's a reason."

"Trying to get inside my head, eh, pet?" Spike drawled, absently playing with one of Xander's hands.

The brunette grinned at him. "It's nice and roomy," he replied glibly, earning him a swat with a pillow. He reagarded Spike seriously. "Come on, Spike, spill," he prompted the vampire.

Spike sighed. "Red's right, you know," he answered finally. "You have to tell 'em eventually." He shrugged. "Don't like 'em much, but they are your friends."

He dropped his gaze away from Xander's. "And I want to be there for you to," he muttered. He wasn't used to voicing these kind of sentiments. "And the daylight is kind of fatal, love."

Xander stared at his lover. "Today?" he asked in disbelief. "You want me to tell them today?"

Spike gave him a serious look. "It's only going to get harder the longer you wait, pet," he pointed out. "And it's been two bloody years already."

Xander shifted uncomfortably. "What am I supposed to say?" he asked, a little dispairingly. "'Hey guys, Angelus turned me into his fuck toy for six fucking months and I just failed to mention it, cause I'm seriously fucked in the head.'" His voice betrayed his fear, anger and self-contempt.

"You were protecting them," Spike told him softly. "I know it, you know it, and they are going to understand."

Xander crumbled. "It's just so hard," he admitted weakly.

"I'll be there for you, pet," Spike promised immediately. "And you only have to do it the once," he pointed out. "Once and you'll never have to do it again."

Xander gave his lover a look filled with wonder. "You're so damned nice," he observed, his voice filled with amazement. "You do remember that you're supposed to be an evil, souless, bloodsucking fiend, right?"

Spike's expression was unreadable. "Less and less," he admitted quietly. Oh, what had Xander done to him?

Xander held his gaze for a long moment, then rolled out of bed, pulling Spike with him. "Come on," he prompted the vampire. "Let's get this over with."

Less than fifteen minutes later the two of them stood outside the Magic Box, while Xander shuffled his feet awkwardly.

"Once and it's all over," he muttered more to himself than to Spike. He took a deep breath and let it out. All the courage seemed to flood from his body. "I don't think I can do this," he admitted.

Spike squeezed his hand reassuringly. "You don't have to, if you really don't want to, pet," he told him. "But either way we're going to have to get inside and soon, or you're going to be dating a big pile of dust."

Xander gave Spike an apologetic look. "Oh right," he answered a little sheepishly and knocked on the door.

A moment later a ruffled looking Tara opened the door. "Oh, good, you're back, I was--" she broke off mid sentence when she saw that it was Xander and Spike instead of Buffy, Giles and Willow.

"Xander?" she squeaked in suprise. "Uh, and Spike. Hi." She opened the door wide enough to admit them. "Y-You'd better come in. B-Before the sun rises, I mean."

Xander blinked, a little baffled, but he and Spike quickly followed her into the shop pulling the door shut behind them. Tara led them out towards the back.

Xander belatedly realised that his hand was still in Spike's, but since Tara had registered no suprise, Xander assumed that Willow must've mentioned their relationship to her.

"Giles keep you up all night on a spell?" he asked Tara, mostly just to make conversation. He frowned, looking around. "Where is Giles anyway?"

Tara looked distinctly nervous. Her expression was absolutely drenched with guilt.

Xander began to panic. "Tara?" he asked her. "Tara, did something happen to..." he trailed off, not wanting to finish the sentence.

"No!" Tara replied immediately. "No, t-they just had to, um, take care of something and they--" she was interupted by the front door of the shop opening and a somewhat exhausted and slightly bloodied Buffy, Willow and Giles trailing in.

Giles was carrying a weapons bag and they seemed to be in the middle of a conversation. The shelf between them and Xander, Spike and Tara kept them from seeing they weren't alone.

"Do you think he'll be able to move before the sunlight gets him?" Willow was asking the others.

Buffy shrugged. "I doubt he'll regain consciousness before them," she replied, a deep satisfaction in her voice. "But Cordy was certain that Wesley and Gunn would find him before then. He'll be fine."

Giles expression was hard as he replied. "Somehow I cannot bring myself to care." His voice was stone cold. "Not after what he did to Xander."

Xander gaped at them. They couldn't be talking about..no, there was no way. He felt Spike's hand tighten around his own.

"I don't want him to die," the little redhead told the others. Her eyes were hard as she continued. "I want him to have to live with it," she said with uncharacteristic viciousness. "I want him to remember and hate himself every time he feels the scar we left on his back."

Xander began to tremble. Everything fell into place in his mind. They were talking about Angel. They were talking about what they had done to the souled vampire...for him?

Inexplicably, he felt a lump rise in his throat, and his eyes fill with tears. He was vaguely aware of Spike's arms around him holding him up. A low whimper escaped him.

Three sets of eyes immediately turned towards him.

"Xander?" Buffy breathed, and a moment later he was surrounded by her's, Willow's and Giles' arms, hugging him tight.

They all spoke at once. Apologies, vows, explanations and tears being spilled together, all the while holding each other close as if the only thing that was keeping them from flying apart was their grip on each other.

Spike and Tara stood a foot or so back, watching. They exchanged a long glance with each other. Normally, shy and tongue-tied Tara gave Spike a broad smile and Spike found himself smiling back, sharing a comradeship with the little witch through their loved ones.

After a few very long minutes, the Scooby Gang managed to calm down and regather themselves. Once they parted, Xander instinctively stepped back into Spike's arms.

Spike immediately hugged the boy to him and kissed him gently on the forehead. "I love you," he whispered feverently, without hesitation.

Xander rewarded him with a breathtaking smile. "I love you, too," he answered softly. He twined a hand with the vampire's. "Always."

All except Giles, ignored the exchange.

Giles began to laugh.

Xander and Spike dragged their gazes from each other and turned to the Watcher, realising they'd been caught.

"William, the Bloody, Scourge of Europe, in love with one of the Slayer's best friends," he observed, still chuckling.

"And what of it, mate?" Spike demanded indignantly.

Giles ignored him, shaking his head in wonder. "The world never ceases to amaze me," he mused aloud.

Willow beamed at the vampire and her best friend.

Buffy, however, immediately pulled a stake out of her jacket and held it against the vampire's back, in line with his heart. "You hurt him, and I'll dust you in an instant," she threatend him.

"Oi! That pokes at me, y'know," he told her. "Is this really necessary?" he demanded. "You know damn well that I'd stake meself before I'd hurt anyone I loved. And I love Xander," he declared, just in case anyone was still confused.

Buffy reluctantly put the stake away. "It was just for old time's sake, Spike," she explained. She sighed long sufferingly. "You should let me have my fun while I still can, since it seems that we've decided to adopt vampires into the family instead of slaying them."

"I don't think we'll go that far," Giles told her mildly. "Spike will have to be an exception."

Something suddenly occured to Xander. "What did you just say?" he asked Buffy.

Buffy pouted. "I was saying you guys don't let me have any fun," she complained.

"No, the other bit," Xander specified. "You said we..you said we were a family."

Buffy blinked. "I did," she realised.

"Family," Willow rolled the word around in her mouth as if she were trying to taste it. "I like it," she said after a moment with a big smile, wrapping an arm around Tara.

"Indeed," Giles agreed a little bashfully.

Spike snorted. "Oh great," he grumbled. "Now I'm in-laws with the bloody Slayer. This is going to do my reputation wonders," he complained. "Thanks a bloody lot."

Buffy made a face at him. "Well, how do you think I feel?" she retorted. "I have to live with the fact that I'm related to someone who can't understand that the peroxide look went out in the eighties."

"Don't start giving me fashion tips, Slayer," Spike scowled at her. "I wouldn't wipe my arse with half the stuff you try and pass off as fashionable."

"Ewww! Gross!" Buffy exclaimed. "Now, I've got Spike's arse in my head. Make it go away!"

"I happen to have a very nice arse, thank you, Slayer," Spike told her indignantly. "Go on, tell her, pet," he prompted his lover.

Xander nodded. "Yes sirree," he agreed. "A very nice arse indeed."

Buffy shot back another smart rejoinder, and the two began bickering again, with occasional shots from Giles, Willow and even Tara, but Xander stopped listening.

He was content to just watch them, lean closer into his lover's arms and know that he was home.

End