*****

Xander came out of the shower mumbling death threats against a certain bleached blonde. *Idle* ones, sure. But just saying them out loud helped. He snatched a towel and began to dry off.

"Oh, he's so *funny*! Mr. Funny-ha-ha-man! Jerk!" Xander threw down the towel and began to dress.

"'You're witch came by, pet'" He mimicked, viscously. "Asshole!"

Xander finished dressing and headed back, hoping Spike was still sleeping.

He was. And damn, if he didn't look like a fucking angel, while doing it. The jerk.

Xander sat down on the bed and began to put on his shoes. He glanced at Spike and smiled. Maybe he had been kidding. Sure. Kidding. Spike would do that. And if not, so what?

He got up and headed towards the stairs. Xander could tell Willow the truth or.not.

"What?! That Spike is *such* a kidder!" Xander practiced out loud. He grinned as he headed up the stairs.

"Oh, yes. *That* will work. They all know what a *kidder* I am, pet."

Xander paused mid step. "Shut up, you!" He snipped at the *sleeping* vampire.

Spike snickered. "And just where are you off to, pet?"

"Work."

"Where?"

"The bar."

"What time are you off?"

Xander sighed. "Donno. I'm closing. So sometime after two." Hey! He was *mad*! "That okay with you?" He added in a belligerent tone. Oh, yeah. That'll show him.

Another snicker came from the vampire. "I'll be 'round 'fore two, then, pet."

"Yeah, yeah.See you then."

**************************************************************

"What can I get for ya?"

"Scotch. Johnnie Walker, black, please."

Xander gave the woman a wide grin. He snatched up two bottles of Bud and passed them out before coming back to her and putting a glass in front of her.

"Make it a double, hon."

Xander gave her another grin, took the shot glass away and replaced it. "Rocks?"

"Nope."

"Excellent." He poured a double shot. "I love you scotch drinkers. If I have to hear the words 'screaming orgasm' one more time, I'm might be forced to kill some one."

The woman grinned at him. "Surely not!" She took a sip of her drink and smiled engagingly at Xander.

She was attractive in an 'older woman' sort of way. Kind of ageless, Xander thought. Smooth dark skin and sparkling brown eyes. Sharp high cheekbones. And he had just recently developed a liking for sharp cheekbones. Close cropped dark, wavy, hair. And full lips that went into a dimpled smile. Very nice.

"What if some strange woman in a bar offers to bring you to one?"

"You're right. They *can* be good words." Xander gave her one of his new found "bartender smiles".

"Beers! We need more beers!"

"Excuse me. Must feed the masses."

She toasted him with her glass. "But of course. They call for you."

***************************************************************

"May I get you another?"

"Why yes, you may." She watched him pour her drink and grinned. "You know, you do that *very* well."

Xander smiled. "Ya think?" He swiped the bar dry, put down a napkin and deposited her double. "Well, it's not exactly brain surgery."

The woman threw back the double and gave him a grin. "Nope. It's not. But all *that* takes is a good memory and some practice. What you do is good too." She licked her lips and pushed her glass forward. "Hit me again, please."

Xander poured another. "You think so? Good as brain surgery?"

"Sure. Why not?" The woman stuck out her hand. "Hi. I'm Carla. Neurosurgeon and Professor of Neuroscience at UCLA." She shook Xander 's hand and then downed her drink, slamming the empty glass on the bar. "Or, at least, I *used* to be. Now I'm just me." Xander slid down the bar and filled another order before quickly returning to the pretty drunken lady. "So, what? You're a brain surgeon?"

"I am. Well, I *was*. Like I said, now I'm just me. Bar fly and seducer of young handsome bartenders." She took another drink and winked at Xander. "But *me* is a good thing to be. Hit me again, handsome."

Xander poured another shot and looked around the bar. It was quite. He leaned against the bar and smiled at Carla. "So? Was it the drink?"

Carla laughed. "What? Are you asking me if I'm an alcoholic?"

"No! I mean.No! Of course not!" Xander smiled and shook his head. "That would be rude."

"It's okay. Really! Cause I *am* a drunk." She took a sip. "But that's not why I no longer practice." She giggled. "Actually, I'm on a extended leave of absence. No one *wanted* me to leave. I just did. The drinking and stuff.well that came later."

"Uh huh." He gave her the bartender's-patented 'continue, please' nod.

"I just got tired of fighting death." She downed her drink. "Hit me again, sweety."

"Ya sure?"

"I'm sure. Gimme another. I'm thoroughly enmeshed in my new life of drinking and seduction." She wiggled her well-shaped eyebrows and his. "I love it."

Xander just gave her his smile and poured her more scotch. "So what happened? Why no more brain surgery? That seems like a job you do for life. A career, if you will."

"You *really* wanna know?" She leaned a bit over the bar.

"Yep. I *really* want to know."

"Good! I'll tell you." She took a drink. "Just what is so bad about dead?"

"Whad'a you mean?"

"I *mean* what's wrong with dead? We all have to die, don't we? Of course we do! Why do we keep *fighting* it? What's so *wrong* with it? Hell! Do you *know* what your body starts to do the very *minute* it gets to peak? When you're fully-grown? When it's all finished developing? Do you?"

"Um...no?"

Carla slapped her hand down on the bar and took another drink. "I'll tell you. It starts to *die*. It starts to de-gen-er-ate! Oh sure, you can hold it off.you can pro*long* the life. But it's not forever. We're all going die. Sooner or later."

"So.you decided to stop *fighting* death? As a *doctor* you decided this?"

Carla gave him a grin. "Yes! You're cute *and* smart! I like that in a bartender. Why fight it? We all need to die. Maybe Dave got that tumor because it was time for Dave to *die*. Maybe cousin Earl had a stroke 'cause it's time for *him* to die. Don't you think that could be it?" She pushed her empty glass forward and Xander filled it. She took a sip. "I mean, really! We can't, any of us, live forever! We weren't *meant* to live forever. Maybe my job is to just ease the *suffering* and let the people die. Humm? Maybe that's all I'm meant to do." She took another sip and giggled. "You know what would be funny?"

"Hold on. Be right back!" Xander grabbed a bussing bucket and made the rounds to the empty tables in record time. He set the bucket in the back and came back to Carla. He poured her more scotch and gave her a smile.

"What? What would be funny, Carla?"

Carla smiled at him, unconcerned with the interruption. She giggled again. "It would be *funny* if death was great. You know? If death was really *great*! Like this whole place-maybe this whole *world*- that was so fucking *great*. And maybe it *is*. Maybe death is fan-fucking-tastic! I mean, we don't *know*. We fight it so *hard*! No one *wants* to die! Oh! No! *Anything* but *death*! Don't let me die! Help me, doctor! *Stop* it doctor!" She took another sip. "Like I'm some kind of superhero *magician*! Bastards! *Die*, dammit! Just fucking *die*!" She tossed back the rest of her scotch and motioned for another.

She smiled at Xander. "Don't let me scare, ya hon. I'm just tired. Tired of the whole war against something I can't beat." She took a sip and winked at Xander. "I'd save *you* in a heartbeat, honey."

"Glad to know it. But, uh, what about the dead?" Xander held his breath. Just how drunk was she? Did she know about the un-dead?

"What? The ghosts?"

Okay. Ghosts are a good starting point. "Yeah. What about them?"

Carla took another sip. "Yeah well, sure. The ghosts. But they never really *let* themselves die, do they? Don't cross over, or whatever the hell it is they need to do. And it's always some *earthly* kind of thing that keeps them here, isn't it? 'He *murdered* me', or 'she cut open the wrong side of my head and I *died*'. Babies! Get over it!"

Carla giggled at Xander's wide-eyed look. "I'm kidding! With the cutting open the wrong side of the head thing, that is."

Xander smiled. "Oh. Of course you are." He started to dry a shot glass. "Um, does that happen often? Cutting the wrong side open?"

"Weeelll.it *happens*, sure. But most times, no one *dies* from it. I don't recall anyone dying from it. I mean, you cut, you look, you say, 'hey there's nothing here!' You close up, switch the x-ray to right side, and start all over." She took another sip. "No big deal."

Xander smiled and poured her another. He watched as she took a healthy sip.

"So, what of the un-dead. What of them?"

Carla gave him a puzzled look. "What? Like brain-eating zombies? Never met any."

Xander put down the shot glass and picked up another, all casual like. "Nope. Not zombies."

Carla looked around the bar, noticing only those involved in their own thoughts or conversations. She then leaned over the bar towards Xander to whisper loudly. "You mean, like, *vampires*?"

Xander quirked an eyebrow at her, ala Spike. "Vampires? Every met any?"

Carla gave him a sly smile. "Maybe. You?"

Xander picked another glass to polish. "Maybe." He hedged. "What if you *did* meet a vampire? What would you want to say to him?"

"Don't drink my blood?" Carla giggled.

"For *real*! If you *really* met a vampire, what would you want to do?"

Carla threw back the rest of her scotch and smiled at Xander. "I'd want to dissect it."

Xander dropped his glass. "I meant, a *real* breathing-well, okay-walking, talking, vampire. What would you want to do to *that*?"

"I'd want to dissect it." She took note of Xander's flabbergasted look and grinned. "Hey! I wanted to dissect a *real* breathing living *person* when I was in med school. They just wouldn't *let* me."

"See ya Xan-man! We'll be back! Love ya, dude!"

Xander waved at the departing patrons. "Yeah! Night guys! Be good, and see ya'll later!" He smiled at their retreating backs. He turned quickly back to Carla. "What do you *mean* you'd want to dissect a vampire? Is it your whole, 'we all gotta die' campaign?"

"Not really.Besides, vampires aren't *supposed* die, are they? Not of natural or organic causes, at least, right? Anyway, what else would I want to do to a vampire? The physiology would be fascinating!"

"How about just ask some questions?"

"Kay. That would be good, too." Carla shrugged, bored. She gave Xander a flirtatious smile. "You know, Xander, you're awfully cute. Are you off anytime soon? We can talk more about vampires.and sucking.and things."

Xander just shook his head and smiled at her. "I'm *serious*."

"I'm *serious* too! Wanna come to my place?" She reached up and pushed back a lock of Xander's hair from his forehead. Xander batted her hand away and poured her another drink.

"No. Listen. Can you keep an open mind?"

Carla gave a sigh of defeat. "Yes, sure. I'm nothing if not open minded."

*******************************************************

Spike walked into the bar and saw red, immediately followed by blinding white. He clutched his head and backed out, falling to his knees in pain. He took a few deep breaths and tried to calm himself. He was going to fucking kill that cow and beat Xander to death with her head. Or her arm. Or her fucking leg. Or with what *ever* soddin ' body part he ripped from her *first*!

*No*. It's *Okay*. More deep breaths. Xander is just *talking* to her, I'm sure. Xander *knows* he's involved with a sociopath of a vampire. Hell. The whole phsyco-jealously thing is *implied* with such a relationship, isn't it? No need to give myself a bleedin' migraine. Spike took another deep breath and walked back into the bar.

The twat was still touching his Xanpet! He growled.

Xander heard the growl and lifted his head from beneath Carla's hands. He smiled at Spike.

"Spike! Come here!"

Spike didn't quicken his pace, nor did he take his eyes off the woman as he walked towards *his* Xander. When he reached the bar he grabbed the back of Xander's head and pulled him across for a kiss. Not a "honey I missed you", kiss. But a "you're *mine*, and who the fuck are you flirting with?" kiss. He branded the boy as his with his kiss.

"And here he is *now*!" Xander gasped to Carla when Spike let him go.

"So I see." Carla turned her smile on Spike and offered her hand. "How do you do?"

Spike ignored her hand and looked at Xander with icy rage. "What's, this, then, pet? Flirting? I'm *sure* I don't like it."

Xander was startled by the look of rage. "Spike?"

"*Xander*?"

The owner came out from the back of the room, interrupting the emerging drama. "I'm heading out, kid." He tossed some keys to Xander. "Go ahead and lock up." He gave the others a look. "And *remember*. No service after two! Got it?"

"Don't worry, Mr. Delancy! I'll lock up. And these two are just here to give me a ride home."

"What ever, kid." He gave Xander a smile. "What ever floats yer boat."

"Spike!" Xander said after Mr. Delancy had left. "She's a *brain* surgeon!"

"Let's *go!*."

"Hey! Just a minute, you!" Carla jumped down from her barstool to stand face to.chest with Spike. She tilted her head back to look him in the eye. "Maybe I can help you, vampire."

Spike cast a disbelieving look towards Xander.

"It's okay! She's given up on life. She's all for death now. Aren't you Carla?"

Carla swayed a bit. "Yep. Death is good. Are you *really* a vampire, or was the cute bartender just having me on?" She moved to one of the empty tables.

"I wish I could prove to you *both* that I'm a bloody vampire." Spike said, watching the cow sway towards a table.

"Spike." Xander grinned at him. "Spike. Why do you doubt me? She can *help*, can't you, Carla?" Xander came around the bar to stand close to Spike.

Carla pulled out a chair and plopped down onto it. "Maybe. Who knows?" She pulled out another chair and motioned Spike into it. "Have a seat. Let me look."

Spike pushed Xander away, none too gently, and sat down. He ignored the stab of pain the action brought on. Maybe he could build up immunity to the pain, he thought. Hope springs eternal and all that rot.

Carla leaned forward and sank her hands into Spike's hair, running her hands over his skull.

"Oh!" She stopped and stood. "Here. Right *here*. Feel this?" She grabbed one of Xander's fingers and brought it to rub along a slightly raised ridge on Spikes scalp.

"Yeah. Is this it? Where they put in the chip?"

"Mmm. Maybe. Unless it's just scar tissue from an old wound. But it 's a nice, clean scar. Well, Spike? Been hit on the head at this spot?"

Spike gave another growl. "Countless times. Xander? I believe *you' ve* hit me there."

"I have not! I may have hit you-Oh. Youre *kidding*. I forgot you' re Mr. Funny-ha-ha-man!"

"This may be the spot then!" Carla told them. She sat back down and reached two fingers to rest at Spike's jugular.

"Fascinating." She stated when she felt no pulse. She reached into her boot and pulled out a closed knife. She grabbed Spike's hand and pulled his index finger towards her. She pushed a button on the hilt and a wicked looking blade flipped forth. She cut the pad of Spike's index finger and grinned when blood welled up.

"Fascinating."

"Loopy twat!" Spike snatched his hand away and sucked his bleeding finger into his mouth. "Xander! *What* would a brain surgeon need with a bloody switchblade?"

Carla giggled and placed the knife back into her boot. "I'm a brain surgeon on *leave*, vampire. We *all* carry switchblades. Standard protocol. No need to worry. Sit back and relax."

Spike's eyes flew up to look into those of his lovers. Xander shook his head. "Pay no mind to her, Spike. She's *very* sarcastic."

"You really *are* dead, aren't you? Or *sorta* dead, that is. Can you have sex?"

"Why? Are you offering?"

Carla was startled by the question. "Huh? Me? No! I like the boy!" She waved her hand towards Xander.

Spike showed her his game face. "Well, too bad! Cause the *boy* is *mine*!"

Carla's hands immediately came up to run across Spike's vampiric features. "Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating."

"Have you *learned* anything by feeling me up, woman?" Spike asked with distaste, pulling away from Carla's groping hands.

Carla smiled. "Why yes, I have. There *has* been an incision made into the back of your head. And if something was implanted then it was done below the actual skull and you are *really* jealous. And you have no reason to be. I did my *best* to seduce your Xander and no luck. And I'm usually very good at seduction, my dead friend, I'm *very* good."

"That true, pet?"

"Well, I did feel the scar she's talking about."

"Not *that* the other! She try to seduce you?"

"Naw."

"Yes I did!"

"Can you help him? Can you get whatever is in there out?" Xander asked, ignoring Spike.

"Well.don't see why not.I'd like to know what it *is* first, though." Carla brought her hand back to Spike's head to run along the faint scar once more. "I'd sure like to get and MRI though." She looked into Spike's eyes. "Don't suppose you've been through a metal detector recently have you?"

"Why, no. I *haven't*. Even though I like to start my nights by going through one, I seem to have failed to do so this evening."

"Spike! Can you *not* try to piss off the brain surgeon before she *fixes* you?"

Carla turned to Xander. "Well, I do have contacts, you know. And I can get one done.it's just that, if there is *metal* in the chip, it would just rip itself free of this dead things brain to stick to the magnate. But, heck, how bad could that be? That's what you want, right? To get rid of chip? And this dead thing of yours doesn't seem to work on *brain* power."

"You ever notice how drunks think they are *so* amusing?" Spike asked no one in particular.

Xander and Carla ignored him. "So, this was some kind of behavior modification experiment, you say, Xan?"

"*Xan*?" Spike sputtered. Oh, hell *yes* he was going to kill these two!

Xander patted Spike's head as he lay it on the table, whimpering in pain. "Yeah. See? He wants to hurt us. And this is what happens."

"And you think this is a *bad* thing? Seems good to me!"

Xander shook his head. "Naw. Not for Spike. He can't take this much longer, I'm sure." Xander looked at her with moist, pleading eyes. "I just want him-I want him *whole* again." He shrugged his shoulders, unable to put into words his feelings.

Carla gave him a smile. "I understand." She stood. "I know I'm nuts to do this, but I will. Give me a call tomorrow." She reached into her purse and pulled out paper and pen. She jotted down her number and handed it to Xander. "*Late*. Call me *late*. We'll have to go to my offices in Los Angeles, okay?" She went out the door without a backward glance.

Xander looked down at Spike. "Spike? I really think she's for real. I think she can *do* this." He told the vampire.

Spike lifted his head. He stood, pushed in his chair and headed for the exit. "Finish what you have to do, Xander. Lock up and meet me out front." No ice dripped from his words. No heat either. The lack of emotion worried Xander a bit, but he was too excited to worry much. He was going to get Spike fixed! Well- *un*fixed that is..

****************************************************************

"Spike?" Xander ventured into the darkened night.

Spike grabbed his upper arm and began walking, pulling Xander along.

"So what do you think? I know it seems wacky and crazy, but I *really* think she can do this for you! I talked to her all night. Sure she's a bit nuts, but heck, we need nuts-"

"Shut up, Xanpet. Just walk."

"But Spike! We ne-"

"*Shut* *up* and *walk*." This was said through tightly gritted teeth, Xander knew.

Fine.

He didn't say another word all the time they walked. As they made they're way through the streets of Sunnydale Xander's thoughts whirled with fear and excitement but he didn't utter one word. When they reached his house he remained silent. Down the steps and into the basement, not a sound did he make; when he stood by the bed watching Spike strip he said nothing. When Spike moved to stand before him, naked and hard, and began to remove his clothes he remained silent and still. When Spike wrapped his hand around the back of his neck and led him to and then pushed him face down on to the bed he still held his tongue. When Spike came over him on the bed to straddle his ass he could stay silent no more.

"Spike-"

Spike pushed his head into the bed. "Not. One. Word." Spike sank his hands into Xander's hair, pulling. Not enough to cause pain but enough to be felt. He leaned down and licked Xander's ear. "Pet?"

"Mumph?"

"I didn't like that." Spike whispered into Xander's moist ear. He voice was soft and silky causing shivers to run through Xander's body.

Xander raised his head a bit. When he felt no resistance he began, "But, Spike, I was only trying-"

Spike pushed his head back down. "Shh, Xanpet. *My* Xander. *I* *didn't* *like* *that*." Spike licked Xander's ear again then bit down softly upon it. Spike rubbed his erection against Xander's ass. "In *fact*, I was a very *un* 'appy vampire to walk in and see that cow touching you." Spike ran soft, wet kisses across the back of Xander's neck.

"Yes, but-"

"No talkin', pet." Spike settled his lips between Xander's shoulder blades and began to suckle. After marking the spot with a hickey he moved the kisses down Xander's spine, stopping every inch to place another mark. When he reached Xander's ass, he smiled and placed a large hickey on each cheek. Spike spread Xander's cheeks and placed his cool tongue against Xander's puckered rosebud. The boy shivered and groaned. Spike pulled away. Xander cried out.

"You may *not* speak, Xander." When Xander remained silent for a moment, Spike leaned back down and pushed his tongue past the tight ring of muscle. Xander rose against the sweet invasion but said nothing. Spike continued with his ministrations until Xander was wet and open. Spike rose and placed the head of his cock at Xander's opening. He leaned over until his mouth was once again at Xander's ear. "Who do you belong to?"

"You!" Xander whimpered, pushing back against Spike's cock.

"Yes!" Spike hissed as he pushed himself into Xander's warm depths. "*Mine*!" Spike pulled out, leaving only the large head of his cock inside Xander. "You are *mine*." He thrust back in hard, causing them both to groan in ecstasy. Spike gave up his pseudo- punishment and drove for pleasure. For himself and for his Xander. He lay fully on the boy's back and reached his hands beneath Xander to take hold of the boy's straining erection and play with one of Xander's nipples as he rode him.

"Mine, mine, mine." Spike chanted into Xander's ear as he rode him and worked at the boy's cock. "Mine." He hissed into Xander's ear when he felt the boys hot release spurt against his hand. "Mine." He stated as he pushed a finger into Xander's mouth for the boy to lick and suckle. "Mine." He yelled when his own release followed and he spilled himself into Xander's hot depths. "Mine." Spike whispered into Xander's ear when he collapsed, spent upon Xander's back.

"Spike?" Xander asked, tentatively, after a moment of silence.

"Xander?"

"I was only trying to help you. That's all I want to do."

Spike remained silent.

"Spike?"

Tenacious little git. Spike smiled against Xander's back. "I know, pet." Spike could *feel* the tension leave the boy's body.

"Xander?"

"Yeah?"

"Once we get this chip out."

"Yeah?"

"Should I walk in and see a scene like I saw this evening, I'm more'n likely to beat you to a bloody pulp and ask questions later. You know that don't you?"

"Yeah. I know."

"Well. Good. We'll call the drunken bint and see what she can do, then, won't we?"

"Yes." Xander said firmly. "We will."

~ end ~