"So. We're here. At a *known* demon and vampire haunt. At least it's *daylight*, right? That's good, isn't it? Still, were at place *Angel* wouldn't even let us walk close *by* let alone *enter*. He made us sit in the car and wait. Why was that again, Wes? Oh! I know! Because he thought we'd be killed *dead* if we went in!" She turned her dark acusing eyes towards Xander. "How are we going to do this again? And *why* are we doing this, again?" Cordelia asked nervously, as she stood in the doorway of the vampire club, clad in one of Angel's leather coats, the sleeves rolled up over her hands. An over-sized coat that held several wooden stakes, a loaded crossbow, a handgun, and a water gun that held plenty of holy water. None of which made her feel *safe*. She shivered, looking at Xander. She rubbed the sleeve of the leather coat. It did feel *nice* and it calmed her a bit.

Xander sighed. He was up to this. He, too, was wearing one of Angel's long leather coats.

They all were. And they were loaded for bear.

Or vampire.

Or demon.

They were *not* short on weapons, he was sure. He looked at Wesley and Cordelia. Not short on courage, either. Short on *faith* maybe, but courage they had. Even Cordy, shaking in her boots, was ready and willing to step into the demon bar. Wesley looked ready to battle the fires of hell, all decked out in his own leather, along with one of Angel's coats, a scowl marring his attractive face.

"Wesley comes with me, positions himself at the back of the room, wall to his back. I go to the bartender. You, Cordy, stay by the door." He looked at both of them. "Draw your weapons *only* if I give you the signal, and *not* when I draw mine, got it?"

They both nodded. "Remember, I'm gonna *show*, that's pretty much a given. Don't panic. We're gonna be cool and business like. Only draw when I give the signal. Got it?"

Again they nodded. Xander gulped. "What's the signal?" He asked.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Splayed hand held in the air. Yeah, yeah. Lets *do* this."

She *so* better get a bonus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Spike woke when he felt a cold, wet sucker upon his cheek. He opened his eyes, but didn't pull away. Maybe if *it* pulled away first it wouldn't sting him. He had enough Bleathvore venom in him to kill a horse or five, he was sure. He smiled charmingly and said "Hello" to the Bleathvores gathered around the cage. The tentacle was withdrawn and he wasn't stung. Spike grinned and pushed his Sire from him. He watched Angel roll to his side, still asleep. He felt a sting of pride to know that he had fucked his Sire so well that the poof didn't wake; didn't even blink an eye. Damn, but he was good.

Bleathvore 3: "What did it say?"

Bleathvore 5: "Goodbye? That is what it *sounded* like. Do you think it speaks our tongue?" He looked at the others. "Where does it think it's going, anyway?"

Bleathvore 2: "Maybe it can speak our tongue. If so, we really *could* sell it!"

Bleathvore 3: "Sell it to who? A keskicainiovre could utter my tongue, but still, I would not wish to *own* one. Same with this vampire. Let us await our brother. If they can be sold or traded he will let us know."

Bleathvore 5: Contemptuous snort. "He will find neither buyer nor trader for these things."

Bleathvore 2: "It did not bite you again."

Bleathvore 5: "Obviously it is *tired*. You have *seen* what it has just done. Would you not be tired after such exersision?"

Bleathovre 2: "Perhaps it not biting you is *learned* behavior." He looked at 5. "I am sure you do not taste good."

Bleathvore 5: "I am certainly most pleasing to *any* taste buds! Even vampire ones! A tasty treat to be sure!"

All other Bleathvores: "Snicker."

Spike moved closer to the cage, pulling up his pants and fastening them on his way. "Shall we play, mates?" He made shuffling and dealing motions with his hands, as if he held a deck of cards and continued in what he hoped was their language. "Cards? Play? Wager?"

All Bleathvores: "Did he say *challenge*?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So? Are we ready to do this?" Xander asked again, stalling.

"Yes! Let's *go* already, before I change my mind!"

Xander gave the door a hard push and walked in, Wes and Cordy close behind him. He moved to the bar quickly, Wes went to the end of it, his back against the wall; Cordy stood close by the door, the wall at her back, just as Xander had told her to.

The bartender gave the three humans a disinterested glance and continued his task of drying shot glasses. "We're closed."

The bar was, thankfully, almost empty. The vampires and demons that *did* inhabit it looked pretty much wasted. "That's okay. Good even. All I want is some information." Xander told the bartender.

The vampire sat the shot glass he was holding down on the bar and smiled at Xander. Smirked, really. It pissed Xander off. "Do you now? Are you willing to *die* for your information, boy?"

"No, *Sir.*" Xander pulled a handgun from his back and pointed it at the bartender's head. "But I'm willing to kill for it." He smiled.

The bartender picked up another shot glass and chuckled, unconcerned. He began to dry the glass. "I think maybe *you'll* die before *I* do."

"You think?" Xander pulled a crossbow out and aimed it at the bartender's chest, heart level. Xander kept the gun pointed at the vampire's head and smiled. "All I want is a little bit of information. I seem to have lost a friend of mine."

The bartender kept his hands on the bar and his eyes on Xander's crossbow. "Have you? *Boys*?"

The patrons of the bar began to stir, waking and murmuring. Xander held up his hand, fingers stretched wide. Cordy pulled a SuperSoaker water pistol from beneath Angel's coat, pointing it at the row of booths along the wall, Wesley pulled out the same with one hand and a ten-loaded crossbow with the other, knees locked and looking deadly, ready to unload both weapons.

"All I want is some information." Xander repeated, not looking away from the bartender. "I seem to have misplaced my vampire. He's about so high." Xander didn't move his weapons from the bartender. "Bleached blonde. Snippy. Bad attitude. You'd know if you'd met up with him."

Cordy shot out a stream of holy water, catching one vampire across his ear. She grinned. She'd been aiming at the back of his head. "*My* vampire is bigger. Dark and broody. He'd be quiet and reasonable, all nice like. And I want him *back*!"

The vampires gathered in the bar, exchanged looks.

First *one* snickered; then one more, did. And then another let loose a chuckle.

Then the group could no longer contain themselves and laughter rang through out the dark, dingy club.

"I'm not finding the funny." Xander told the vampire-bartender.

The bartender continued to laugh, really *trying* to hold in his chuckles as the guns were aimed at him. Xander sighed. "I'm thinking, *maybe*, you know where I can find my vampire. Share the joke."

The bartender just laughed harder.

Xander moved the pistol and shot the bartender's ear off. He was quite pleased that neither Wesley nor Cordelia flinched and inadvertanly shot someone. Or some*thing*. "Tell me."

"Shit! Stop! Don't shoot!" The vampire grabbed his ear, giving Xander a dirty look. "Shit! Bleathvores have them! One was in here not too long ago trying to sell them, or trade them for a case of tequila!" He snorted, "Like I'd trade good drink for a couple of vampires!" He stopped talking at Xander's narrow eyed gaze. "Um, he just left, though. I sent him to Kelly's, just down the road!"

Xander smiled. "Call Kelly's and get him back here. Tell him you have a buyer."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Angel woke to Spike's and the Bleathvore's chatter. He was without his coat and his pants were up. He couldn't believe he had *slept*. He turned to look at Spike.

He couldn't believe what we was *seeing*! Spike had a pile of junk behind him, *his* coat at the bottom of it, and cards in his hands as he sat close to the bars, and all but one of the Bleathvores sat just outside of the cage, cards in *their* hands. His brows rose when Spike spit out a stream of incomprehensible gibberish. He raised his arm to check his watch. It was gone.

Bleathvore 2: "Yes! I *do* say your mother sucks the slime from a Vencore." He looked to the others and grinned. "While she mates with your favorite four to six legged type of home dwelling pet."

Spike snickered and slammed down a card.

All Bleathvores: Moan!

Several more pieces of junk were pushed carefully through the bars of the cage. The Je'dellian bowl among them.

"Spike?"

Spike whipped his head around to look at Angel. "Peaches!." He patted Angel's stomach. "Shh. Yer knocked up, pet. Don't upset our little one." Spike translated as best he could.

All Bleathvores *plus* Spike: Laughter.

"*What* are you doing? And *where* is my watch?"

"Just having a bit o' fun, Sire, waiting to see if we've been sold or traded. And sorry, but I seem to have lost yer watch." He tilted his head towards Bleathvore 5. Angel noted that the Bleathvore was wearing his watch on one of its lower tentacles. He scowled.

"I've just won the slayer-saving-thing-bowl, though and that's the *good* news. Bad news is I *think* I've lost our baby. I'm not too sure. Hey! These blokes speak a bit of Spanish! Imagine that. And they *don't* suck blood! Blood just wells up from the poison they inject. Neat, nuh?"

Angel picked the Je'dellian bowl up and wrapped it carefully in his coat. "Sold? Or traded?"

Spike dealt cards. "Yeah. Profit-minded, these blokes are. Seems one of them went off to get a price or trade for us. Shit!" Spike reached behind him, grabbing a piece of hose and tossing it to the pile.

Bleathvore 5: "More! Not an equal bet."

Spike showed his fangs.

Bleathvore 5 raised two tentacles towards him.

"Fine! Fine!" Spike added an old red wig to the pile, causing Bleathvore 5 to grin.

Cards were looked at, studied; all but Bleathvore 5 and Spike folded.

Bleathvore 5: "I wish to have the dark ones lower limb."

"Sure. Oh, wait. I can't. It's attached to the rest of him."

Bleathvore 2: "The *covering*. You want only what encases the end of its lower limb."

Bleathvore 5. "Yes. What he said."

Spike nodded. "Give me yer shoe, Peaches."

"*What*?"

"Give me yer bleedin' *shoe*! I've got a bloody *fabulous* hand, here! Give me the shoe!"

Angel did. He was sure he'd never wear the slime-encrusted thing again, but he was hoping he wouldn't have to walk out of this place in his stocking feet. Or stocking foot.

Bleathvore 5: "Ha!"

Spike: "Well, hell." He turned to look at Angel, shrugging his shoulders. "Sorry. Lost the shoe. Give me the other. Bet I can win it back."

*****
Part 12:

Kelly burst into the dingy bar, all smiles. He was followed by a cloak covered Bleathvore.

"Brad, my vampire friend! I am *so* gald you called me! I would have *hated* to let my Bleathvore demon buddies down! I *always* try and come up with a buyer for these dudes! They have the *best* stuff sometimes! Lots of junk, sure, but *man* sometimes you can get a diamond the size of a starlet's *tit* from these guys for a bottle of booze!" Kelly laughed, continuing towards the bar. "I heard a tale that you're looking for a pair of vampires. My man here just happens to have a line on a pair: one dark, one light. Expensive though. *Caged* vampires aren't easy to find, as you know my friend. Your kind are caught more *dead* than alive!" The red headed little human laughed, once he reached the bar. Xander grabbed him, pulling him close to the bar and placing the gun at his temple. "Tell your *friend* that I want my vampire."

Kelly did.

Bleathvore 1 flapped several tentacles. "Payment is needed. I risk my mate and my most attractive daughter. I am not caring if your human brains are spilled across this business table."

"*What* the hell did he say?" Xander demanded of Kelly.

"He said let me go, or your vampires are dust."

Xander sent a bullet into the chamber, grabbed Kelly by the neck and pushing him face down on the bar. He shoved the gun into Kelly's ear.

"My Bleathvore is, by no means fluent, mind you, but I am positive that is *not* what he said." Wesley spoke.

"Is that true, Kelly? Did you just *lie* to me?" Xander asked, menace in his tone.

"No! No! If you don't let me go the vampires are dead! These Bleathvores are *crazy*, dude!! Killers! Who the fuck *are you, anyway?"

"Um, no, not really. They're mostly peaceable. They wouldn't kill if they could get a good price or trade." Wesley spoke again.

"Hey! I *know* Bleathvores and these-"

Xander pulled the gun away from Kelly's head and shot some of his toes off.

"Ow! Ow! Fuck! You *shot* me! You shot me, you crazy, fucking, bastard!"

"For hellsake! Stop *shooting*! You're gonna bring the cops here!" The bartender yelled, still holding his ear.

Xander ignored the bartender. "Well, Kelly, you've lost a few toes. Wanna loose something else?" Xander sent another bullet into the chamber of his gun.

"Hey!"

Xander's head moved to the back of the bar. "What?" He aimed the gun at Kelly's other foot, his hand still holding Kelly's head to the bar.

A female vampire from one of the back booths stepped out. She stretched her tall frame and picked up a pack of cigarettes, shucking one out and lightening it with a zippo retrieved from her generous bosom. "I speak Bleathvore." She winked at Wesley and replaced her lighter. "Fluently."

"But are you willing to translate?" Xander asked. "'Cause if you're just teasing me, honey, I have to tell you: I'm pissed enough to shoot you, too."

She laughed, white teeth flashing against the bright red of her painted lips, as she tossed her long dark hair over her shoulder. She sauntered to the bar, tall and lithe, encased in black leather pants, red silk camisole, black leather vest and red leather boots that went to her thighs. The heels were at least five inches.

Cordelia thought she looked like a Hollywood version of a Hollywood hooker. She aimed her supersoaker at her as she walked towards the bar.

"Don't shoot, Killer." She held her hands up for Xander and blew him a kiss. "Buy me a drink and I'll translate."

"You heard the lady. Pour." Xander told the still bleeding Brad.

Bleathvore 1: "What is this? Buy vampire or not?"

"Gimmie a scotch, Brad. Give me the bottle."

Wesley aimed his crossbow at the bartender. "From the back wall, Brad. Keep your hands where I can see them."

The bartender shot dirty looks at Wesley and the female vampire as he reached behind him and snagged a bottle of scotch. He slammed it down in front of the grinning she-vamp.

"Here ya go, Danielle. Enjoy your *last* drink here."

Danielle gave a fake pout and laughed. "Ah, Brad. Don't be such a hard ass. Can't you see, they just want their vampires? I think it's sweet." She took a long pull from the bottle. "Who'd come looking for *you*?"

Bleathvore 1: Agitated sounds. "Buy the vampires or not?" It stamped several legs, sending slime flying. "I must make a deal soon! I will not be beaten!"

Danielle turned to look at Xander. "He wants to sell the vampires. Now."

"Hello? I'm bleeding to death here!" Kelly whined.

Xander stomped his foot over Kelly's mangled one and left it there.

"Arhg!"

"Direct pressure. Shut up." He looked at Danielle. "Tell him we want to see the vampires first. Make sure they're okay."

"They are willing to buy your vampires, but they want to see them first. Examine the wares." Danielle told the Bleathvore.

Bleathvore 1: "This is acceptable to me. Tell the weapon wielding males not to send any projectile pieces of metal or wood into me and we can discuss a deal."

"Don't shoot him. How much are you willing to pay for them?"

"What does he want for them?"

Danielle asked the Bleathvore his price.

Bleathvore 1: Looking at Cordelia. "The weapon wielding female. She would be good."

Danielle cocked her head towards Cordelia. "You willing to part with her?"

"No." Xander and Wesley told her.

"Hey! No *way*! Are those pants squeezing your *brains*, too?" Was Cordeila's reply. She cocked the supersoaker.

Danielle grinned and took another swig. "No. The female is not up for trade."

Slime went flying as Bleathvore 1 rippled his disappointment. "The arrow shooting weapon would be good. And their skins. Very nice skins they are. I would trade the shinny headed vampire for all the skins."

"He'll give you the, ah, 'shinny-headed' one for a crossbow and your coats."

"*Both* vampires for the coats. No crossbow." Wesley told her.

"Wes-"

"We have to *bargain* Xander. Otherwise he won't deal."

"You know what you're about, don't you, sweety?" Danielle smiled at Wesley. He preened.

"The skins for all vampires. No arrow weapons."

Bleathvore 1: Thinking, several tentacles rub at its head, several more tap at the floor. "No."

Danielle took a swig. "Nope."

Xander, finger tightening on the trigger of his gun. He wanted to *shoot* something or someone. "I figured that's what he said. Tell him to give-"

"Tell him the coats *and* a case of liquor. His *choice* of liquor." Wesley cut in. He smiled at the bartender.

Danielle made the offer.

"A case of booze that you guys are going to *pay* for, right?" Brad spoke up.

Wesley pushed his glasses up with the end of the crossbow and then quickly aimed it at Brad again. "Oh! Why, ah, *no*."

Bleathvore 1: Grinning, all rows of teeth shinning with happiness. "This is a good and acceptable offer. I will have the liquor now and the skins once we trade. *You* will come with us to make the deal. You speak well and you speak the tongue of the vampire as well as that of the human. I like you. Do you have a owner?" Teeth flashing, tentacles oozing and rippling.

Danielle laughed. "I own myself. I will *not* be part of the deal." She flashed her demon face at the Bleathvore.

His tentacles fell, *all* of them. "Vampire. Fine. You will explode in the sun, yes?"

"Yes. I like the night."

Bleathvore 1: "Then we will wait. Tell them I want tequila."

"I like your taste, Bleathvore." She took a swig from her bottle. "He wants a case of Jose Cuervo and the coats. And he wants me to go with you." She told the others.

"We are *not* waiting here until sundown!" Cordelia snorted. "Oh, right! I'm gonna wait around for a bunch of vampires to come and get their drink on! I don't *think* so!"

Bleathvore 1: "You have not tasted me, vampire. How is it you find me pleasing?"

"Cordelia is right, Xander. We can't stay here waiting for a bar full of vampires."

"Tell him we need to go *now*."

Danielle did.

Bleathvore 1: "The bleeding human knows of our tunnels. We need not see the sun."

"He says Kelly knows the tunnels." Danielle stubbed out her cigarette and lit another.

"That true, Kelly? Can you take us too the tunnels." Xander ground his foot against Kelly's toeless, bleeding one.

"Yeah. Sure. If I could *walk* I could."

"Still looking to loose the other toes, Kelly?"

"Brad has an entrance to the tunnels in the back! He does!"

"*Fuck* you, Kelly!"

All weapons were trained on Brad once again. Danielle giggled and took another swig of scotch. "Come on, Brad. Play nice. Let's save some vampires. Tell you what: *You* come up missing? *I'll* look for you."

"You'd look for me in the bottom of a bottle, bitch."

Danielle smiled. "And maybe you'd *be* there." She took another drink. "Maybe not." She walked-well *sauntered*-to Wesley and stood next to him. "Shoot him again, Killer." She told Xander.

Xander raised his gun from Kelly's ear and aimed it at Brad's shoulder.

"No! Wait! The tunn-"

Too late. Xander shot him.

"Fuck! You *sick* little fuck! Stop *shooting* already!" Brad's hand left his still oozing ear and went to the new hole in his shoulder.

"So. You're going to take us to your tunnels now, right?" Xander asked.

"Yes! Don't *shoot*! Follow me!"

And they did. Cordelia and Wesley keeping a look out, walking carefully backwards into the back room and to the sewer entrance of Brad's bar. Danielle, still sipping from her bottle, and the Bleathvore, still oozing, followed.

"Let's not forget the Bleathvore's case of booze!" Danielle chimed in.

"Bitch." Brad muttered, going to and pulling out a case of good tequila.

Xander knew that he was having *way* too much fun blasting holes in vampires and murdering toes. Living on the Hellmouth was *bound* to make a guy just a *little* blood thirsty, wasn't it? And maybe Spike was rubbing off on him? Or maybe it was too much violence on TV? God, but he wanted to be vegging out in front of a TV right about now!

"Xander?" Cordelia whispered once they had reached the tunnel.

"Yeah?" He asked, heading down.

"You're scary."

Xander paused, cocked his head and thought about that. He continued down the stairs. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

*********************************

"Damn it, Spike! Bet your *own* shoes!"

"They don't *want* my boots, Peaches. They've taken quite a fancy to yer shoes, though. I keep winning 'em *back* don't I? And didn't I get you that bottle of hair gel?"

"Humph. *Suave* hair gel." Angel ran his hand over his newly stiffened, but still disgustingly dirty hair.

"I bet a perfectly good pair of old sneakers for that! What if I had *lost* them?"

"Spike?"

Spike grunted, studying his cards.

"It *is* garbage you're playing with, boy. You *do* know that, don't you?" Angel asked, a bit concerned. Maybe too much Bleathvore venom drove vampires insane.

Spike dealt more cards through the bars of the cage as he puffed at a cigar he had won from a previous match. It was a little old, sure, but still chock full of Cuban-tobacco goodness. "*Garbage*? I've won the slayer-saving-bowl-thing, *and* I've won back our *baby*! Garbage, you say? Beast! No *wonder* I haven't had children with you before now!" He grinned at Angel, blowing cigar smoke in his face. "Hand over the belt, Peaches. I can get a tire for it." This was *so* much better than pacing.

Bleathvore 3: "Your mate is causing you discomfort?"

"Oh, yeah. A real pain, he is."

Bleathvore 2: "It is unacceptable to us that he bother you so. You are most good and entertaining. We will happily cut off his head if you wish. You can find another mate, I am certain. You should not be bothered."

Bleathvore 5: "What of the child it carries?"

Bleathvore 3: "What of it? We have lost it and the shinny headed, good one refuses to wager it again and it is only him that we like."

Bleathvore 5: "This is true. What say you vampire? Shall we cut off its head?"

Spike took a deep drag from his cigar, rolling the rich smoke in his mouth. "I like you boys! Let's just *wait* and see what happens. No hurry." He smiled and patted Angel on the head. "I might want to keep him." Spike blew smoke rings towards a scowling Angel.

*****