"You know, we *might* be able to sell that guillotine on E-Bay." Cordelia told the silent, cigar puffing, group.

"Yeah!" Xander grinned, still twirling his six-shooter. He was still working on his quick draw. "Or that antique show on the Sesame Street Channel. What's that called?"

"You two are more than welcome to go back and drag it home." Angel told them, continuing to walk along in his too big bright red sneakers. "But, I am *not* waiting."

Xander and Cordelia stopped, eyes bright and grinning at each other with shared greed.

Spike grabbed Xander by his arm and pulled him forward. "*No*."

"No?" Cordelia huffed. "*Excuse* me, but *no*? I don't see any *rings* on his fingers, Spike! Xander! Don't be a *wimp*! He can't tell you what to do!"

"Share my diamonds with you, Xanpet." Spike offered, evilly, smirking at Cordelia.

"Okay, then." He smiled at Cordelia. "I'm good."

"Whore!" Cordelia snipped at Xander.

"And I'm *okay* with that." Xander laughed.

She looked at Danielle, pleading.

"Sorry, hun. I do fine robbing my victims. You would not *believe* the amount of cash some people carry. It's obscene. Really. So, um, I don't really *need* any money from, uh, ebay. And, more importantly, I don't know these tunnels. I'd help you if I could, really I would." She puffed at her cigar, smiling at Cordy. "But I'd hate to be stuck down here with just you." She took Cordelia's hand and pulled her along. "Getting to know you is *one* thing. Being stuck down here with you and *hungry*? That's something else. I don't *do* hungry. I'd suck you dry in a heartbeat, babe."

"*Fine*." Cordelia moved away from Danielle, pouting. "Everyone just *ignore* my wants and needs."

Everyone did.

Danielle checked her watch. "I hate to impose, but are you guys going to be able to put me up for the day?"

Wesley spoke, turning to smile at Danielle. "Oh, yes, of course. You did help us, after all. The very least we could do is put you up for the day. We have plenty of rooms. You are most welcome to stay until the sun goes down."

Spike snickered. "What would the counsel say about you, Wes ole chum? And you *don't* have plenty of room."

"We *do*." He coughed. "Have *rooms*, that is. But just that, I'm afraid. *Rooms*, only. And not much else, I'm sorry to say."

Danielle laughed. "Got rooms without direct sunlight? Got blankets?"

"Yes. Plenty. *Comforters*, too." He smiled at her.

"Then I'm pleased to accept and thankful for your offer."

"I've already got dibs on and *plans* for your bed, not-a-watcher."

Wesley sighed. "Pay no mind to *that* one. I really don't know why Angel didn't stake him while they were down here."

Danielle laughed. "What? The shiny headed one? But he can't be *all* bad, Wesley. The Bleathvores *loved* him! It takes a special type of, um, *thing*, for Bleathvores to love you. They are *very* particular about people, places and things, you know."

"We were busy fucking and trying to keep our heads attached to our shoulders. Oh. And gambling. We were busy *gambling*, huh, Spike? *That's* why I didn't stake him, Wes." Angel muttered from the front.

The tunnel got very quite.

"No, Sire." Spike said. "*I* was busy gambling. You were *sleeping*, ya bloody toff!"

"What's that you said, Angel?" Cordelia asked. "Did you say *fuck*? 'Cause it *sounded* like fuck. You can *not* fuck! Hello! No sex! Are you *Angelus*? I am *so* loaded down with vamp killing weapons, if you are!" Cordy aimed her supersoaker at Angel's back.

Angel didn't stop walking. "I said 'fuck'. Doesn't mean anything. I'm *not* Angelus, Cordy."

"So, just what *does* it mean, Angel?" Xander asked. He didn't move away from Spike. In fact, he stepped closer to the blond vampire.

"It doesn't mean-" Spike began.

Xander cut him off. "I was talking to the BatVamp, Spike. I'm just *courious*. Wondering, if you will. Who did you *fuck*, Angel? Did you *fuck* Spike?"

Angel just kept walking. "Almost there."

"Pet, don't worry about what *he* said." Spike said, holding Xander back and indicating Angel with a tilt of his head. "He *is* my Sire, after all, and you can't-"

"*Spike*." Xander began. "I'm okay. I'm not mad at you."

Spike was quite as they started to walk again.

But he was thinking. 'Not mad at you.' What the fuck did *that* mean?

"Now, wait a minute, pet. I don't give a fuck if yer *mad* or not. I can fuck who ever I want! Any *time* I want! I can give it up to me Sire if I *chose* to, and you be bloody *damned*!"

"But did you *want* to fuck Angel?" Xander asked. Reason, personified. Xander even *smiled* at Spike.

And just what kind of mind-fucking thing is *this*? Spike wondered. The boy could fight dirty, it seemed.

"Doesn't *matter* if I-"

"Well, then." Xander cut him off. "You won't be too mad if I do *this*."

Xander pulled his six-shooter out and shot Angel in the ass.

"Ow! What the-!" Angel stopped and grabbed his ass. "What the hell was that?"

"Nope. I won't be mad at all." Spike grinned. "In fact. I'm *okay* with it." He snickered, mimicking Xander's earlier statement. "You can do it again, if you want, pet."

"Xander shot you in your ass, Angel." Cordeila told him. "He's been shooting a lot lately. I still think he needs some type of therapy."

"Nope. The *shooting* is the therapy, Cordy."

"Oh. Well. That's good, then. You've managed to get in a lot of *therapy* this evening, Xan."

"You'll want to get that bullet out pretty quick, Dark One." Danielle offered. "No telling how old it is. Plus, it could go *septic*. Bad news for vampires. Nasty. Be a shame to loose your, um, cheek."

"Dammit Xander! You *shot* me?" Angel turned and grabbed Xander's shoulder.

Spike growled and Angel growled back, pushing the smaller vampire away.

"Dammit Angel! You *fucked* Spike?" Xander stood toe to toe, face to face with the dark haired vampire. And he was pissed.

"Yes I did! I *fucked* him! I can do that! He's my childe! He's a *vampire*. You need to *know* that!"

Xander crossed his arms across his chest. "Hum. Let me get this straight. Call me slow. You fucked *my* vampire so I would know *my* vampire was a *vampire*. Is that your story, Deadboy?"

"He's *my* vampire!" Angel roared. "And he's a *vampire*!"

"I am my *own* effin vam-" Spike began.

Xander and Angel turned to yell at him. "Shut *up*, Spike!"

"This is like a heavy domestic-type squabble kind of thing, isn't it?" Danielle whispered into Wesley's ear. "Should we be here?" She looked at the angry threesome and shuddered.

"Well. We might be needed to stop further blood shed. And it is a bit fascinating don't you think? I've never seen Angel like this. Maybe he is-"

"No! I don't! Not fascinating at all! It reminds me of my *parents* fighting when I was still human. I have *issues* with this type of violence, I'll admit. Stalking, killing, torturing, rendering limb from limb, I'm okay with *that* stuff, but domestic violence? No. I can't hang. Must kill all parties involved. What say we stake the vamps and off Killer? Better for them all."

"No! Of course we can't!" Wesley patted Danielle's shoulder. "They'll be fine."

"Okay. Then can we *go*?"

"I'm with the vamp." Cordelia told Wesley. "You can get us out of here, can't you? You know the way home, huh, Wes?"

"Well, yes. We *are* almost home." He looked around. "I can get us home from here."

Danielle and Cordelia both grabbed one of Wesley's arms and moved forward. "Let's let them fight it out, Wes. I'm sleepy. *And* I wanna raid Angel's closet for another coat. One to go with my dress." Cordy told him with a smile.

Wesley laughed. "You know, I'm sure you could persuade Angel to *buy* you a leather coat."

"Yes. But stealing one from him would be more fun."

Danielle smiled as they walked away. "And, *you* can take your bedroom! You know, the one the Shiny Headed one wanted. Maybe I can persuade you to *share*." She gave Wesley a wink. "Promise not to steal covers *or* bite."

"Yuck! Stop! *Way* too much sex going on!" Cordy laughed as they continued on their way.

*************

". . .your business!" Xander finished.

"I'd say it was. You don't seem to know what you're doing! Spike is a merciless killer! A *demon*."

"And *what*? You just can't help but *fuck* merciless, killing, demons, Angel?"

Angel threw his hands in the air. "No! I *can't*! Not if they are *mine*, that is!"

"Well, *newsflash* Deadboy: He's *mine* now!"

Spike turned and watched as Wesley, Cordelia, and the bar-vamp walked away. Arm in arm. Happy. They *really* looked like they were having a good time. He wanted to go with them. But he couldn't. He had to stay and. . . and *what*? Xander knew that he and Angel had shagged. Xander was upset with *Angel* for fucking him, not with Spike for *getting* fucked. It was doubtful that Xander would start talking about Angel's so-called *lust* for him. And did he really want to stick around for a XANDER slash ANGEL showdown?

Okay. Well, sure. Maybe that *would* be fun. But he had all of this *stuff* to get back. *And* to go through, again.

Nope. He didn't want to stay. "Hey! Not a Watcher! Cordelia! Bar-vamp!"

"What?" Cordy snipped back.

"Wait up!" Spike ran after the threesome, towing his large bag of goodies. He threw his arm across Cordelia's shoulders. "Let' s just let those two fight over me. The rest of us can get some sleep."

"Shouldn't you be there to congratulate the winner, Shiny Headed One?"

Spike snickered. "Naw. I need time to come up with stories for all the possible out comes any way. *I'm* the winner, no matter what."

"How does that work out, Spike?" Wesley asked. "In your twisted mind, that is."

"Well, *some*one is gonna be mad enough to fuck me." He waggled his eyebrows at the other three. "Maybe they'll get *together* and fuck me! 'Cause I'm such a *bad* boy!"

Cordy snorted. "Okay. Yuck. Let us not speak of this again. And *especially* not if they *do* both fuck you!"

**************

"So why'd you do it, Angel?" Xander asked, as he dumped the empty shell from his gun and closed the chamber. "Why'd you fuck Spike?"

Angel stepped closer to Xander but stopped when Xander raised his gun and pointed it at him.

"That won't kill me you know."

"Yeah. I know, but call me childish along with slow, it'll *hurt* you, and I'll get a big ole kick outta *that*!" He cocked the ancient weapon, grinning at Angel. "So *why*? You *knew* we were together." So okay, sure. The *together* thing had started off as an act, but, *Angel* didn't know that and it pissed Xander off. First *Buffy* and now *Spike*. Did the great dark vampire have to fuck *every* one he wanted? His finger tightened on the trigger.

He really wanted to blast another whole in Angel.

"Xander." Angel began, nice and calm.

"*Why*?"

"Xander. Spike is a *demon*. The chip is one thing, but he's still a vampire . . ."

"Um, yeah. I *know* that. *I've* spent time with Spike lately, *you* haven't." Xander reminded him.

"No, I haven't. Not since he tried to *torture* me."

Xander laughed. "That is *not* something I'd *fault* him with, Deadboy!"

Angel threw up his hands. "Well *fine*. I *tried* to help you! *Tried* to talk some sense into you! I don't want Buffy to blame-"

"Ha! *Buffy*! This is about Buffy for you isn't it? You don't want *Buffy* upset with you if Spike kills me while we're here under your *protection*!"

"Of course I don't want Spike to kill you!"

Xander pointed at him. "*See*! Ha!"

"Buffy or *no* Buffy! I wouldn't want Spike to kill you! *Dammit* Xander! I *like* you! Can't I just *like* you?"

"Um. I donno. *Can* you just like me?"

Angel ran one hand through his hair and the other down his face. "Yes. I can. I can just like you. You're a funny guy, Xander. You have incredibly *bad* taste in vampire lovers, but you're still a nice guy. I never wanted to be your enemy. That was your call."

"That's cause you got the girl I wanted!"

Angel chuckled. "Well, I don't have her anymore."

"Yeah, well, you *fucked* my vampire! Let's not forget about that!"

Angel sighed. "*Can't* we? That was just a reaction to a hostile environment and the situation. Plus, Spike needed calming down. Not many things calm him down. Sex works. Sometimes, at least."

Xander began moving along the tunnel. "So, what? Are you saying my Spike ain't worth fucking without a *situation* being involved?"

Angel sighed. "No, I'm *not* saying that! Spike is-"

"Um, Angel? I was joking."

"Yes. I knew that."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did. I was joking *too*!"

"No you weren't."

"*Yes* I was! I can tell a joke when I hear-"

"Angel? Your shoe is untied."

"Huh? Oh. *No* it's not!"

"See? You *can't* tell a joke."

"I take it all back. I *don't* like you, Xander. *Never* did."

Xander laughed. "I didn't *think* you did." Xander looked around the empty tunnel. "And just *where* did everyone go?

"Look's like they've left us."

"Yeah. Looks like. Let's go."

"Xander? Are we okay?"

Xander shrugged his shoulders. "Yeah. We're fine Angel. We've got the bowl and Spike and I will be able to go back home soon. He's figured out a way to turn me, despite the chip."

Angel kept quite as they walked for all of five seconds. "That was a joke, right? The turning comment?"

Xander kept walking.

"Xander? That *was* a joke right? You are *not* cra-"

"Joke."

"Oh. Okay. Just checking."

"Angel?"

"Yeah?"

"Next joke you don't get?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna *shoot* you."

They reached the tunnel leading to Angel's warehouse. Angel paused to look at Xander. "All weapons must be surrendered at the door. Oh, and the bullet in my ass?"

"Yeah?"

"*You're* going to get it out."

"Yeah. *That's* going to happen." Xander snickered. "Hey! That was a *joke* wasn't it?"

Angel didn't speak as he made his way home.

"Angel? Deadboy? That *was* a joke, right? Funny haha? Angel? am *not* digging around in your ass! Angel?"

*****
Part 17:

Xander followed Angel up and into the warehouse. All was quiet. Xander continued to follow Angel as he wound his was through a multitude of twists and turns. The twists looked the same as the turns and the turns looked the same as the twists. The hallways all looked alike. He hoped to hell, he wasn't going to have to find his way out of this maze by himself anytime soon.

Finally they reached a hallway where Xander was able to hear the voices of the others.

"Um. . .no. Try the maroon on, again, pet. I *loved* that one on you."

That was Spike. Xander grinned and Angel speeded up a bit.

They soon came to what, Xander assumed, was Angel's bedroom. Angel made no move to go inside, so Xander stood next to him, looking inside. A closet was wide open and an assortment of leather coats was thrown across the large bed. Spike, Wesley, and Danielle sat on the floor, their backs against the wall, while Cordelia stood before them in one of Angel's coats and the perfect little black dress Spike had won from the Bleathvores.

Too much black, Xander thought.

"But I like *this* one!"

"Pet! No! It's not for you. Not with *that* dress! Washes you out. Try the maroon on again, please? For Spike."

Xander watched as Cordelia pouted at Spike before turning pleading eyes on Danielle.

"It *does* wash you out with that dress, sweety. Try the maroon."

"Wes?"

"Well. I like the maroon better, also. Pass the pop corn, Spike."

Cordelia stamped her foot and looked in the mirror. "Are you guys *sure*? I really *like* the black."

Spike stuffed popcorn into his mouth, before passing the bowl to Wesley.

"Just listen to yer elders and put on the bloody maroon!"

Xander couldn't stop the grin as he watched Cordelia mutter to herself as she stripped off one of Angel's too big black leather coats and reach for a too big maroon leather coat. Angel's coat. He looked over at Angel. The vampire was *not* grinning. Xander's grin stretched.

"Just what the hell is going on?" Angel thundered.

Or so it seemed to Xander. Angel didn't so much raise his voice, as he *raised* it. He put a lot of *sound* into the question without actually yelling. Xander was impressed.

His grin grew even wider and he bit back his laughter.

Everyone in the room jumped; Wesley spilled popcorn, Spike grinned, his wonderfully obnoxious grin, Danielle looked guilty and Cordelia straightened her coat-Angel's coat-and looked at the new arrivals with her mouth open. "Um. . .I'm cold?"

"Oh, um, Angel! Glad to see-" Wesley began.

"Peaches!" Spike stood and grabbed the popcorn bowl from Wesley before walking to stand before Xander and Angel. He held the bowl to Angel. "Popcorn, peaches? No?" He shrugged his shoulders. "Suit yerself." He turned his grin to Xander. "My sweet Xander." He kissed Xander's grin. "You two okay? We were worried about you, *weren't* we, guys?"

"Oh! Yes!"

"Of course! Is everything okay?"

"Um. . .How's your ass, Dark One?"

Xander let out his laughter. Angel scowled. Cordelia began hanging up coats. Wesley stood and looked at Angel. Xander noted that Wesley's left eye was twitching. Just a bit. "Angel. We were just. . .well, we were waiting for you and-"

"And I got cold!" Cordelia put in.

Xander felt Angel take in a deep unneeded breath next to him. "And you forgot where the thermostat was?"

Cordelia cocked her head as if in thought. "Yes? I mean, *no*. But why run up the bill when I could just get a coat? Right? Thrifty of me, don't you think?"

"And the rest of you?" Angel asked. "You guys are here in my room, rummaging through my closet, getting popcorn everywhere to . . . what?"

Wesley took a stab at it: "To help her get a coat, of course. Why else?"

"Oh, hell!" Spike moved from his place in front of Xander to stand before Angel. "The chit was nicking a coat from you-"

"I was *not*!"

". . .and we were helping her pick out the best one. What of it?"

Xander moved away from Spike and into the room. He was sure Angel was going to do *something* and he didn't want to get in the way. And he wanted to watch.

Angel's hand reached out and grabbed Spike by the throat. Angel leaned his face close to Spike's. "I have a bullet in my ass."

Spike grinned. "That you do. Want me to kiss it and make it better?"

Angel's hand tightened around Spike's throat. "No. I do *not*. I want you to get the bullet out."

Spike laughed. "*I* didn't shoot you in the ass, Peaches!"

"Didn't you, boy?"

"And what's that supposed to mean? I was with *you* when Xander discovered his affinity for shootin' holes in to people. And vampires." Xander watched as Spike turned his head, as far as Angel's hold on it would allow, and grinned at him. He grinned back. "Let go of my neck, Sire, and we can talk about it."

Angel squeezed *real* hard once more and let go with a little push.

"Oh! Um." Danielle stood. "I am *so* sorry for intruding in on your. . . this is a *family* thing. And Wesley says it's not worth killing you guys over. . .but. . . well. " The bar vamp was clearly flustered. "I should go." She looked at Wesley and Cordelia, who had put on the maroon coat during the drama, and now stood next to Wesley. "We should go, really."

"Yes." Cordelia grabbed Wesley and Danielle. "We should go. So we're going now. We'll let you, three, get on with the bullet removal project. We'll be in the other room. Not watching or listening to anything that might happen." She led the other three out the door and closed it behind them.

Xander sat on the floor, his back against the bed and looked at the closet. "Jesus. No T.V., but you went out and bought, what? A million *dollars* worth of leather. You're pretty sick, Deadboy."

"What? No. I had that in a storage--. Never mind!"

Xander opened his mouth to spout something sarcastic but Angel moved forward, undoing his belt. "Now." He pulled the belt free and undid his pants. He kicked off the too big bright red sneakers and stepped out of his pants. He was naked. Waist down at least.

"Spike!"

Spike kept his gaze on Xander.

Xander shivered beneath that look. And he grinned.

"What's that, then, Sire?" Spike asked, walking to Xander. The blonde sat down next to Xander, facing the bed.

Angel lay down on the bed and grabbed a pillow, shoving it under his chin. He grabbed another pillow and shoved it under his pelvis, raising his ass.

"That's a disturbing sight." Xander whispered to Spike, turning away from Angel's naked, bleeding ass. Spike leaned in and kissed Xander. "Oh, it's not so bad, pet. Not often he *does* that." Xander moved his head forward, capturing Spike's mouth and kissing him deeply.

"What are you two doing? Are you *kissing*? Stop it! Get this fucking bullet out of me *right* now! Right now! Or I'm going to suck you both *dry*! Dry! And then break your fucking necks!"

Xander pulled back from a wet kiss with Spike and smiled at Angel. "Kay. Right." He kissed Spike's lips again.

"Spike!" Angel snapped. "In my bath room medicine cabinet there's a first aid kit. Get it. Cut this damn bullet out of me!"

Spike leaned in and kissed Xander again. Xander puffed his lips up and took the kiss. He even opened his mouth and took in some Spike tongue, oblivious to Angel and his desire to kill him and Spike, both.

"Xander?! Spike?! Get this fucking bullet out of me *now*! Or *else*!"

Spike chuckled and stood up. He walked to the ensuite bathroom and began pawing through the medicine cabinet. Xander rose and sat on the bed, placing his ass next to Angel's head. "Don't worry, Deadboy, Spike's on his way to get the knife." Xander patted Angel's shoulder as he watched Spike paw through Angel's medicine cabinet. "So. Where's the bowl? I didn't see you stash it."

Angel turned his head up at to look at Xander. "Bowl?"

"Yeah. You know the one. The one we *came* for?"

Angel blinked. "Yeah. The 'slayer saving bowl', as Spike so eloquently put it. It's nice and safe. I stashed in the hall. Didn't you see me? You'll be able to take it and *yourselves* back home, safe and sound to Sunnydale."

"Here we go!" Spike came out holding the largest first aid kit Xander had ever seen. He placed it on the bed and opened it up. "Oh, look, it even has a scalpel. Nice." Spikes hand went to a small brown bottle before abandoning it and going to a pure white one. He winked at Xander and opened it. "We don't want the hydrogen peroxide, we want the alcohol."

"No! We want the hydro-Argh!"

Spike tipped the alcohol over Angel's bullet puckered ass. Angel clenched his ass and fisted the bedspread.

"You rotten son-of-a-"

"Bitch, Sire? Son of a bitch? Is *that* what you were gonna call me, *Sire*?

Angel hissed but said nothing.

Spike held out his hand. "Scalpel!"

Xander stood and came to stand next to Spike. He pulled out the disposable scalpel and removed the plastic covering. He slapped it into Spike's hand. "Scalpel!"

Spike took it and regarded the ass before him. "Humm."

"Humm?" Xander asked.

"Humm? *What* hummm? What are you doing?" Angel demanded.

"Hummm. I don't recall your ass being *this* wide, Sire. Has it *always* been this wide?"

"Can vampires gain weight?" Xander asked.

"Shut up!" Angel wiggled said wide ass. "Cut it out! And cut the bullet out! *Now*! Or I'm going to eat your liver."

Spike chuckled. "Aw. I bet you say that to *all* the blokes you set yer naked ass before."

"*Now*!"

"Wait!" Xander interrupted. "Shouldn't we wash our hands?"

"Smart thinking, pet. Hold your hands over his ass." Xander did. Spike poured alcohol over Xander's hands and Angel's ass.

"Okay." Spike cut in deep across the small hole, opening the flesh. It widened and sort of *spilled* forth, along with a lot of blood. The bullet pushed up and into view. Xander got a little queasy but kept watching as Spike plucked the bullet out.

He handed it to Xander. Xander didn't take it. Spike shoved it under Xander's nose.

"Here, pet. *Take* it. Nice memento of our trip to the city of angels."

"Can't I just get a coat like, Cordy?" Xander took the bullet. "Um, okay, *yuck*." He shoved the bullet into his pocket. "But I don't have *enough* *yuck*-mementos of our time here, do I? Your wigs don't really count do they, Spike?"

Spike poured more alcohol on Angel's ass. "Nope. The wigs are for the slayer, pet. Don't be greedy. Gimmie that suture kit."

Xander handed it to him. Spike sighed and poured more alcohol on Angel's ass. "*Open* it, pet, and thread the needle."

"Oh! Right! Sure! I can do that." Xander opened up the kit and licked the thread before threading the needle. He looked up at Spike. "Guess I broke the, ah, *sanitary* seal, huh? My spit okay?"

Spike leaned over and kissed him. He pulled back with a grin. "Your spit is just *nummy*, pet."

"Stop that!" Angel yelled into his pillow. "Sew me up!"

Spike jammed the needle into Angel's ass, none too gently. "Hold him together for me, pet."

"No." Xander shook his head, looking into the flesh and blood spilling wound on Angel's ass. "I don't think I want to do that."

"Damn it, Xan! The sooner we get him sewed up the sooner we can find a place to go and fuck! Now hold him closed, so's I can sew the poof up!"

"Well, you put it like that. . ." Xander took in a deep breath and held it. He placed his fingers on either side of the incision and pushed them together. "How's that?"

"Push that pocket of fat in."

"Really? Do I have to? Can't you sew around it?"

"Push it in!"

"When I break your necks? It's not going to be quick and clean. No. I'm going to start with the *seventh* vertebrae. The one down *deep*. And then I'm going to work my way *up*. One vertebrae at a time."

Xander pushed in the protruding flesh and held it closed while Spike began to sew. "Just shut up, Sire. You just *hold* the cat, okay?"

Angel mumbled into his pillow and Spike sewed. He bit off the thread close to Angel's ass and tied it off. Spike slapped Angel's other ass cheek when he was finished. "All done, Sire. Nice and neat. Oh, wait, one more thing." Spike poured the rest of the alcohol over the neatly stitched wound. "There we, go. Very nice, if I do say so, myself. Some of my best work, really."

Xander let go of Angel's ass. "We're all done?" He asked, looking at Angel's ass. He grinned. "It looks really *good* Angel. You look like some one knifed you. Not like I *shot* you!"

"Oh, goody. I'm so *pleased* with that distinction."

Angel rose from the bed and ran his hand through his hair. He winced when it got tangled. "I'm going to take a shower and wash my hair about 10 times. Get out of my room." Angel commanded, heading towards the bathroom.

"Hey!"

"*What*, Spike?"

"Well, there's the little matter of my surgical fee!"

Angel changed course and headed towards Spike, menace in mind.

Spike threw his hands in the air. "Just joking, Sire. You really should go take care of that hair. It's disgraceful, really. Nasty. I think I just saw something *move* in there."

Angel's hands flew to his hair and he turned back to the bathroom without another word and slammed the door shut behind him. They heard the shower start almost immediately.

Spike looked at Xander and ginned.

His evil grin.

"What?"

"Kiss me, Xan."

"Um, okay." And Xander did. Quick and hard and fast. His hot lips brushed against Spike's cool ones, before quickly pulling away. He moved back, ready to leave the room. Spike grabbed his hand and pulled him back. Spike was pouting. "Not like *that* Xander. More like *this*"

And then Spike took hold of Xander and threw him on the bed, coming over him and grinning. Spike placed his mouth against Xander's and thrust his tongue inside as his hand went to Xander's jeans and began to open them.

"Umph! Sp-Spike!"

Spike pulled back, scowling. "What?"

"We can't do this here! Angel will be out soon and there's *blood* everywhere!"

Spike grinned. "Yes. Blood. Isn't it romantic? An' Angel's gonna be washin' his hair for *hours*. You and I are just gonna have a little quickie."

"I really don't thin-"

"Too much thinking, pet. Not enough quickie." Spike rose over Xander's knees and finished undoing his pants. He scowled at the gun belt still strapped around Xander and began muttering to himself as he undid it and tossed it over his shoulder and to the floor.

"Hey! Be careful with that!"

Spike didn't look up or acknowledge Xander as he pulled the mortals pants to his knees with one hand and undid his pants with the other. "This ain't so hard. Don't know what the poof was complaining about." He muttered out loud as he freed his hard cock.

"What?! What do-."

Spike stopped Xander's question with his mouth, thrusting his tongue inside, as he placed his erect member over Xander's and *moved*.

"Um . . .kay, never mind." Xander mumbled into Spike's mouth.

Spike brought his hand to Xander's cock and grasped it, holding tight, while still kissing him with deep sweeping movements of his cool tongue. Xander's hands moved to Spike's head, grasping handfuls of the vampire's hair and holding him still as he let his tongue come into play and taking over the kiss. Xander ran his tongue along Spike's teeth and tickled the roof of his mouth before letting it slide along Spike's tongue.

"Um, yes, pet." Spike pulled back, ignoring Xander's moan of displeasure, and licked and sucked his way down Xander's chin and to his neck. He suckled the skin over Xander's jugular, leaving a bright red bruise before moving down, nipping, sucking and licking is way down Xander's chest and stomach until he reached the head of Xander's cock. He ran his tongue over the head of Xander's penis before taking the entire length into his mouth and sinking down until his nose nestled in Xander's bush. He swallowed several times, working Xander's cock with his throat before pulling up and sinking back down, letting his tongue sweep across the tightly drawn sac. Spike moved his mouth up and down Xander's cock several times, until Xander grabbed hold of Spike's head and held it still, thrusting himself in deep and holding still as he came with a quiet shout of pleasure. Spike nodded his head, Xander still deep in his throat, as he took in every drop of Xander's release with pleasure. He kept Xander's cock in his throat until he felt the last jettison of cum shoot down his throat. He moved his mouth up slowly, his lips wrapped tight around the shaft, until he reached the head. He let it go with a kiss. Xander moaned.

Spike grinned and moved up Xander's body, his jeans and boots slowing, but in no way stopping, his progress. He presented Xander with his cock. The young man grinned before wrapping his hand around the shaft and bringing the head to his mouth, licking the wetness up with a swipe of his tongue. Spike moaned and Xander wrapped his hands around the vampire's ass and pulled him close, toppling the vampire over him and sending the cock deep in his mouth. Xander swallowed frantically around the hard shaft and tried to breathe through his nose. Spike rose a bit, his hands on the headboard, and let Xander catch his breath. Xander kept one hand on Spike's ass and let the other cup the vampire's balls as he began to suck and lick his way up and down the tasty treat before him.

Spike began to work his hips, slow and easy. Xander kept up, loving the feel of Spike sliding in and out of his mouth, past his lips and over his tongue. Spike brought one hand from the headboard and slid it into Xander's silky curls, stroking as the boy worked his mouth over his cock. "Oh, yes, pet. Nice. Very nice. Um. . .I 'm gonna cum. . .S'okay if I cum in you?" It was Xander's turn to nod his head with a mouth full of cock. He tightened his hand over Spike's balls, rubbing, as he sank down on the cock in his mouth. He brought his hand up, holding tight against the saliva-wet shaft, and began to jack Spike off and into his mouth. He pulled back once he felt the first taste of Spike and wrapped his mouth around the head of him, wanting to taste every drop of his vampire lover. Spike fought the urge to thrust into Xander's mouth and instead, fisted his hand in Xander's hair and *came*. Holding still, he just came, shooting himself into Xander's open and eager mouth. "Oh, pet." He pulled out slowly, his cock still held in Xander's hand, and moved back down. Spike lay his cheek against Xander's chest, listening to the rapid beat of his lover's heart. He nuzzled against the chest, licking at it and grinning as he worked his pants further down his legs. Xander's hands went to his hair and began to pet him, running his fingers through the bleached strands. Spike moved his head up and into the caress, like some great big cat, rubbing against the strokes. "Pet." Spike chuckled. "That wasn't as quick as I meant it to be."

"No? But I'm okay with it." Xander murmured more sleep than awake.

"Yeah, me too, pet."

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU *DOING*? GET *OUT*! OUT!"

Spike's and Xander's eyes flew open and both were wide-awake and scrambling off the bed and stumbling to pull up their pants.

"This is *Spike's* fault!" Xander tattled, falling. He righted himself and began pulling up his pants.

"Oh, *nice*, pet. Glad to know you'll look out for me!"

"Hey! *Me* he can *kill*! *You* he'll probably just *fuck* again!"

"Oh! Can't let that go, can you? Well, let it *go*, sweets! It *don't* and it *didn't* mean anything! If you're gonna be with a vam-"

"Shut up!" Angel thundered. And *thunder* this time, he did. Yelled at the very top of his useless but very effective for yelling lungs. Xander winced and covered his ears.

"SHUT UP AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!!"

Both vampire and mortal made quick work of righting clothes and headed towards the door, backing up and smiling at a *very* angry Angel. Xander stopped to scoop up his gun. Spike grabbed his arm and hastened his exit. "Yer hair looks *great*, peaches."

"GET *OUT*!"

Spike pulled Xander out and slammed the door shut behind them. He looked at Xander. "'This is all *Spike's* fault'?" He mimicked in a whinny tone.

Xander grinned. "Yeah. I don't think I was *that* whinny, but yeah. All your fault."

"Oh, yer tongue was cut out? You couldn't say *no*? You're *blameless*?"

"Yep. Blameless." Xander batted his baby browns at Spike. "I was *enthralled* by some sex hungry demon." Xander moved in to kiss Spike.

Spike pushed Xander away and began walking down the hall. He took hold of Xander's hand and pulled him along. "Stuff it, Xan. I *was* gonna let you have one of the slayer's wigs, but no more. No wig for *you*!"

Xander grinned at the back of Spike's head. "No wig? Really? Not even if I go back and tell Angel it was all *my* fault that we did a dirty thing in his bed?"

Spike shook his head. "Nope. Too late."

Xander moved forward and wrapped his arms around Spike's shoulders and placed his legs next to the vampires, moving with him step for step. Spike ignored him. Xander licked his ear. Spike ignored him and kept moving, turning and twisting his way along. "Ah, can't I have a wig? Pretty please?"

Spike stopped at the entrance to the. . . what? Living room? Xander didn't know, but Wesley, Danielle and Cordy lounged about.

Cordy took a close look at them. "No coats? All that time and no *coats*? You two are pretty sorry."

"Yeah, but Xander has a bullet and a wig to go home with." Spike muttered.

Wesley, Cordelia and Danielle would forever be left wondering why such a statement would cause Xander to pull Spike to him and kiss him so *feverishly* in front of them. They just hopped such statements were few and far between.

*****