“Deadboy.” Xander said dully as Angel entered the Magic Box.

“Angel!” Buffy squeaked, spinning around. “What are you doing here?” He was the last person she was expecting to see.

The brunette vampire sighed quietly. “I need your help.”

Giles walked out from behind the counter. “I assume that this is a serious matter, Angel.” The Watcher was well aware that Angel would not return to Sunnydale under any but the most dire of circumstances.

“It is.” Angel turned to the Slayer. “There’s a demon in Los Angeles that I can’t fight alone.” The vampire turned back to Giles. “Wesley and I have been researching it. It’s a Yimfa demon.”

Oh dear.” Giles murmured, pulling several books down. “Those are quite rare. How on earth did it get to Los Angeles?”

Angel slumped down onto a chair. “We think a sorcerer conjured it without knowing the extent of its powers.”

“Did you find the sorcerer?” Giles inquired, searching his texts.

“Parts.”

Buffy winced. “What does this demon do, anyway?”

“Yimfa demons are extremely powerful telempaths—telepaths and empaths combined. Their powers are strong enough that they are virtually impossible to fight, because they can read both the thoughts and feelings of every creature that approaches them.” Giles answered her, his voice serious.

“Well, they’ve been defeated before, right?” Xander said, his gaze flickering between Giles and Angel.

“Yes, but it was a long time ago.” Angel replied. The shop’s main door flew open as Spike, Willow, Tara and Dawn stumbled in.

“You are so dumb!” Dawn choked out, punching Spike in the arm.

“Oi! Am not!” The blonde vampire tackled the girl, taking down the two witches as well. Willow cast a levitation spell, catching all four bodies before they could hit the ground and cause Spike’s chip to activate. Spike picked himself up, grinning. “Ta, Red.” He turned, seeing Angel for the first time. “Emperor Palpatine, I presume?”

Angel grimaced at his childe. “Spike,”

“Can it, Soulboy.” Spike growled, flinging himself down on the stairs. “Why’re you in Sunnyhell?”

“I need Buffy’s help with a demon.”

The younger vampire looked around. “So that’s why Rupert’s got his nose in a book, Count Chocula’s sharpening axes, and Buffy’s sniffing perfume samples in Glamour?”

“Remember Mr. Pointy?” Buffy said, not looking up from her magazine. Spike replied with an obscene gesture and returned to mock-arguing with Dawn, blocking out his sire’s presence.

“Can we help?” Willow asked Giles, dragging Tara to the table where the Watcher was furiously rifling through several books.

“I believe you can. We need a scrying spell.” The older man retrieved a globe from the storage room.

“A globe? What for?” Xander asked, watching Willow set up the scrying crystal.

“Quiet.” Giles picked up the crystal by its attached chain and began chanting. He spun the globe, watching as the crystal began to tremble and spin opposite the map. Suddenly, the stone shot toward the globe, stopping its motion as it embedded in the paper surface.

“Ok. Care to explain, G-man?” Buffy said.

Giles turned tired eyes to Angel. “I believe I have found a way to eliminate your demon. It requires a potion made from the mummified corpse of a Pskshnk demon.”

“And were do we find a whatchamacallit demon?” Xander inquired.

“There are very few of them left in this dimension, and their bodies are moved around periodically by a demon cult that worships them.” Giles picked up the globe. “According to this map, the closest one is in North America.”

“Specific that, Rupes.” Spike shot from the stairwell.

Giles glared at the blonde. “It is a simple matter to determine the exact location—another scrying spell, in fact. This one was simply to narrow down the possibilities.” He sat the globe back down on the table. “The more important issue is who will go to retrieve the corpse.”

“Just tell me where to go and I’ll leave.” Angel said, collecting the jacket he’d shed earlier.

“It is not that simple, Angel.” Giles replied. “The demons that guard the corpse are lethal to the undead. The corpse itself, however, causes instantaneous madness in any living creature it touches.” He took off his glasses, performing his patented tired eyeglass polishing routine. “That means that you will need accompaniment.”

Angel grimaced. “I’ll get someone from Los Angeles.”

“Do you think that’s wise? Cordelia is still having visions, and those demony lawyers have a thing for you.” Willow warned from her perch on Tara’s lap.

“Perhaps someone from Sunnydale can help you?” Giles looked around. “There are no pressing threats here at the moment, and Buffy could use the break.”

“Uh uh! I am not going on the road alone with Angel!” Buffy screeched. She didn’t want to be stuck in a car for days on end with her favorite ex-boyfriend…especially considering what might happen if they had a ‘for old time’s sake’ moment.

Giles winced. “Buffy, consider. There are demons to be fought, and you are by far the best able to do so. But I do agree with you; you should not be expected to go alone. Spike and Xander will accompany you.”

“What?!” Spike and Xander said at once.

“Jinx!” Xander said quickly, recovering before Spike, who growled.

“No.” Angel said firmly.

“They are the best choice. Xander’s job is on hold for the summer and Spike is never employed. They would double your numbers on both the living and undead fronts.” Giles reasoned. “And Willow, Tara, Anya and I are quite capable of handling Sunnydale until you return.”

“I don’t like this.” Buffy said. “You don’t honestly expect me to spend time in a car with Angel, Spike and Xander, do you?”

“Can’t say I like it, but Ripper’s got a point, Slayer.” Spike commented. “Xander’s the best you’ve got after you, and I’m the only other vampire you’ll find willing to do this at all. No telling how many of these demons there will be, or just what’s involved in getting the body. Might be more than you and Angel can handle.”

Buffy looked ready to scream a reply, so Angel stepped in. “He’s right. I don’t like it either, but he and Giles are onto something.”

“Um, anyone gonna ask the Xandman if he’s game for this little road trip?” Xander asked, irked that they’d left him out.

“Xander, would you please help us?” Buffy asked snidely.

“Since you asked so nicely…”

“If this is settled, we need to determine the exact location and gather supplies.” Giles said tiredly. He was looking forward to having the Slayer, Spike, and Xander out of his hair for a few days. Maybe he could finish that Nora Roberts book that was collecting dust on his nightstand.

A scant hour later, Angel’s convertible was packed and waiting in front of the Magic Box as the remaining Scoobies waved off Angel, Spike, Xander and Buffy.

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Buffy groaned, leaning out the window.

“Stop whining, Slayer.” Spike snarled from the back seat.

Angel sighed, flipping through the directions and maps Giles had given them. “So…have any of you been to Nebraska before?”

•••

“I’m hungry!”

“Shut up.”

Xander kicked the back of seat in front of him. “But I’m huuuuuungry!”

Angel growled. Reaching over to the passenger seat, he grabbed the road atlas out of Buffy’s hands, ignoring her indignant ‘Hey!’ as he tossed it back to the brunette boy. “Fine.”

Xander caught the atlas, flipping to the appropriate place. “Hmm…there’s a town about half an hour down the road. Let’s stop there.”

Angel didn’t bother to respond; he just kept glaring at the road. Buffy tore the atlas out of Xander’s hands, glaring at the occupants of the back seat. Xander rolled his eyes and leaned back against Spike.

“What’s her problem?” Xander asked the blonde vampire.

“Dunno, luv. Hormones?” Spike said, wincing as Buffy told them exactly what she thought of that comment. The pair decided that perhaps they’d survive longer if they shut up, so they kept quiet until Angel pulled over at a fast-food restaurant.

“Where are we, anyway?” Spike asked, looking around.

“Nowhere,” Angel said in reply. The tired, irritated quartet filed into the little building, immediately splitting off toward either the bathrooms or the ordering counter. Xander purchased enough food for ten people, while Spike played with the straws and booby-trapped the ketchup dispenser. By the time Angel and Buffy emerged from the restrooms, the two others had covered a table with their order.

Angel appropriated a large box of cold french fries, grimacing at the greasy delicacy. Buffy, too, wrinkled her nose at the food, wishing they were back in Sunnydale, where at least the food didn’t suck.

“Angel, I need ketchup,” Buffy whined.

•••

Spike and Xander were still laughing at Angel when they pulled away. Spike’s sabotage of the ketchup dispenser had worked perfectly, resulting in a very red, very messy Angel. The vampire had screamed at them until the manager threw him and a similarly irate Buffy out of the store. Xander procured some water and rags and gave them to Angel for his cleanup. The only reason the vampire let him and Spike back in the car was because they might have proven useful when they actually got to the demons—that and the fact that Giles would kill him if anything happened to Xander. As for Spike, he and the boy seemed to be joined at the hip, regardless of the insults they constantly shared.

“It’s going to be light soon,” Xander said, looking out the window. He got no response other than to feel Angel pull off the road.

“You drive,” Angel said. As much as he disliked Xander, he knew all about Buffy’s driving skills. Angel opened the trunk, drawing out several blankets before climbing inside. The last thing Xander saw was a look of surprise as he slammed the trunk down on top of him.

“What about Spike?” Buffy asked, speaking for the first time in hours.

Xander grinned and held up a blanket. “He’ll be fine in the back seat. Why should he stay cooped up with broodboy?”

Spike gratefully accepted the blankets Xander gave him and covered up completely. Buffy and Xander got back in the car and continued on their way.

•••

“It’s left, Xander,” Buffy said firmly.

“Uh-uh, Buffy. We go straight,” Xander replied, shaking his head. Left would send them to Montana, someplace he didn’t want to go.

“Listen to the whelp, Slutty,” Spike mumbled from under the blanket. All kidding aside, Xander was a better navigator than the slayer. Not a terribly difficult accomplishment, but one nevertheless.

It was well dark before Xander pulled over to let Angel out. The vampire fairly burst out of the trunk, having fumed and festered about Spike being more comfortable than he all day. “I’m driving,” He snarled, grabbing the keys from Xander.

“Thank god! They’ve been singing drinking songs for three hours straight,” Buffy said as Angel slid into the driver’s seat. Xander joined Spike in the back, smirking.

Angel turned around to look at them. “No singing, no laughing, no talking. I don’t want to hear a word from either of you all night. Understand?”

They nodded wordlessly. After Angel had gotten them underway, Spike drew two of the blankets over his and Xander’s head. After a few minutes, Buffy turned to investigate the…odd noises she was hearing from the back seat.

“Angel?” Buffy asked tremulously.

“What?” He snapped.

“Um…what are Spike and Xander doing back there?”

Angel looked in the rearview mirror. He wouldn’t be able to see Spike, but Xander—he should be visible. Instead of the boy, though, he found a moving, whining mass of blankets…and a vaguely familiar smell.

“Fuck!” Angel screamed, narrowly missing a pickup truck as he swerved around the road. Since when were Spike and Xander doing THAT?

“I’m trying, if you two would stop interrupting me,” Spike said from under the blanket. “You didn’t say anything about shagging, now did you?”

Angel didn’t reply. He was still trying to find his voice. How had he missed that? From the look of things, Buffy didn’t know about it either. Had Giles? Angel could well see the watcher maliciously laughing as they drove out of town, knowing that the pair in the back seat would be torturing him and Buffy.

“My best friend is not doing Spike. My best friend is not doing Spike. My best friend is not doing Spike,” Buffy chanted, her hands over her ears.

“Go left!” Buffy screamed at one point, noticing where they were supposed to turn. Angel did so, again narrowly avoiding a car in the oncoming lane. He was going to have to watch that.

The back seat didn’t quiet down for several hours. By that time Buffy was nearly insane and Angel wasn’t much better. She twitched with every groan and began to cry after the first hour. When they stopped to switch out drivers, Angel drug Spike to the trunk and threw him in, climbing in after. As he slammed the door shut, he told Buffy, “Do whatever you want to him.”

Buffy gleefully tuned in to the only talk radio station she could find, knowing that the stuff they played wasn’t what Xander liked. Unfortunately that didn’t do a lot to bother Xander, who still got to drive. They argued several times about where to turn. Eventually Buffy pulled out a stake and threatened to dust Xander’s boyfriend if he didn’t do what she said. It was the first and last time that day she mentioned their relationship.

Xander complied, knowing they were now going in the wrong direction. They stopped several times for food, ignoring the thumps emanating from the trunk. Buffy thought that it was Spike trying to get out. Xander knew better, but didn’t say a word.

When night fell, Xander pulled over in a little dead-end town in Western Nebraska, getting out to stretch his legs and free the vampires.

When he popped open the trunk, Angel rolled out. Spike stepped out a moment later, looking dangerously smug. “Have fun?” Xander asked.

Spike just grinned. “Of course. Where are we?”

Xander looked around. “Gatlin. Not much here, so I figure we’ll head out as soon as Angel can drive.”

Angel was still on the ground. His eyes were bugged out, his body twitching. Spike had spent the last twelve hours torturing him with everything in his repertoire. There was no way he was driving, not for a long time.

“Guys, there’s something funny about this place,” Buffy said. “I mean, really bad weird. Can we go now?”

Xander looked up to see a very worried Buffy, and behind her…A bunch of odd-looking children carrying rakes and other implements of destruction. “Yeah, leaving would be good.”

Spike agreed with him and picked up Angel. He shoved the vampire into the back seat, pushing an indignant Buffy in with him. Spike then grabbed the keys from Xander, letting the boy get into the passenger seat before hitting the gas and racing out of town. They barely escaped the rampaging children, who looked to be out for blood.

“Ok…Remind me to never visit Nebraska,” Xander said shakily, watching for insane children in the rearview mirror.

“You need to figure out where we are, luv. I’m quite sure that wasn’t where we need to be,” Spike said, ignoring Buffy’s shrill yelling in the back seat. Angel was still out for the count, and appeared to even be drooling.

“Shit. We’re at least ten hours in the wrong direction,” Xander said angrily. “We shouldn’t have turned left back there.”

Buffy squeaked but said nothing. Spike turned around and took off, exceeding the speed limit significantly. Two hours later, they were back to the turn-off. “Where to, pet? This place looks the same as the last place. Flat, with corn accents.”

“Thataway, but you’re forgetting the occasional cow.” Xander said, pointing. Spike turned and took off again. He wanted to get this over with and get away from Buffy and Angel.

“Oh, I notice them, and the frequent use of large, red letters for decorative purposes,” Spike replied, pointing at a huge ‘N’ on one barn they passed.

Eventually, though, all the drivers were tired and nearly to the point of homicide. Spike pulled over in the next sane-looking town he found, stopping in front of the first motel he could find.

“Is this the best you can find?” Buffy snarled as she stumbled out of the car.

“It’s the only place I could find,” Spike replied.

The lady at the reception desk eyed them suspiciously. “May I help you?”

“We need two rooms,” Angel said slowly. He and Buffy could share, but he certainly wasn’t getting within spitting distance of Xander and Spike. Actually, it was Spike he was avoiding. The things the blonde had done to him in the trunk…

“Hmmm…who’s your husband?” The lady, Perlene, asked Buffy.

Buffy’s eyes widened. “Married? Me? To them? Oh, hell no!”

Perlene’s eyes narrowed with disapproval. “Is one of them your brother?”

Xander tried to say something, but Buffy cut him off. “Ugh! You don’t actually think I’d claim one of these idiots, do you?”

“I see. I can’t rent rooms to unmarried couples, so you’ll have to stay in separate rooms,” Perlene said.

The foursome looked at each other in confusion. What?

“Um…why?” Xander asked her.

“We don’t like to promote licentiousness,” Perlene declared.

Spike’s jaw dropped. “Fine, we’ll take three rooms. One for me an’ my stepbrother here,” he said, hitting Xander on his shoulder, “and one for her and one for Mr. Broody,” He said. Angel scowled at Spike.

“Is that Broody with a ‘u’ or two ‘o’s’?”

Half an hour later they were finally ensconced in their rooms. Perlene had put Xander and Spike in one room, with Angel right next door. Buffy, however, had been placed exactly one floor above Xander and Spike—presumably to prevent licentiousness.

Angel was just getting to sleep when a loud thump echoed through his room. He noted with irritation and fear that it had come from the wall he shared with Spike and Xander. Then again, what should he have expected? Soon the thumps had turned to groans and screams. Sleep was no longer an option for the vampire. He lay on his bed, crying and rocking, until it was time to go. He did notice one thing, however. Whatever Spike was doing, it must have been good, because Xander was really appreciating it—In a very vocal manner.

When they met in the lobby the next morning, a twitching Angel found Buffy leaning against the wall, dark circles under her eyes. “I’m going to kill them,” She said tiredly.

“Take a number,” He replied. “I was right next door.”

“Hello? Just above them.”

Spike and Xander walked in just then. They looked way too well-rested. Before Buffy could pulverize them, the night clerk appeared at the desk. “Mr. Broody?”

“Angel,” Angel ground out.

“Hmm…ok. Here’s your bill.” Angel threw a credit card at him.

Once outside, Angel began giving orders. “I’m driving. Xander, you take over at dawn. No nothing, nothing at all, in the back, or front, seats? Got it?” Spike and Xander nodded.

Angel didn’t say another word for hours. Every once in a while, though, Buffy swore she heard him whimper. Maybe he’d heard more than she had the night before. It was certainly having a bad effect on him.

•••

Six hours later they found themselves in front of a large barn, the yard surrounding it littered with farm machinery. “Can I help you folks?” A large man said, walking out of the house.

Xander walked right up to him. “Yeah. We’re here to get a chunk of this demon corpse to fight off another demon. Got any of that around?”

To the others’ surprise, the old man nodded. “Betsy has some of that in the pantry. Let’s go inside.”

Spike hung back, sensing that the man was a demon—and probably the ones that killed the undead. “Xander, be careful,” He murmured. Xander nodded and stepped toward the house. Buffy went with him, leaving Spike to care for the still-twitchy Angel.

A few minutes later, Xander popped his head out the door. “Spike! Need a bit of help here. Old MacDonald and his wife went psycho!”

Spike ran to the house to find Buffy in the clutches of the demonic farmers. He couldn’t touch the demons, since they were deadly to vampires, but he could procure the demon flesh they needed. Xander pointed toward the pantry door as he tried to free Buffy.

Spike ran inside the pantry, where shelves of home-canned food gave way to an elaborate altar room. A stringy brown corpse lay on a stone bench. Figuring that the only mummy in the place was the one they wanted, he tore off a leg, broke it in half, and stuffed it into the garbage bag he had brought for just that purpose.

Back in the kitchen, Xander managed to free Buffy. The demons were very strong, though, and neither Buffy nor Xander were having much luck. He noticed Spike darting out the door and gave Buffy the signal to retreat.

Once again, the intrepid quartet found themselves chased by psychos through the corn. They jumped into Angel’s car and took off, leaving rooster tails of dust behind them.

“Well, that was fun,” Xander said sarcastically, avoiding the garbage bag on the seat next to him.

“Certainly was,” Spike said. “How do we get home?”

Xander busied himself reading the atlas. When sunrise neared, Spike pulled off the road to store a now-normal Angel in the trunk, alone this time, while Buffy took the driver’s seat. “I can get us home; you two are maniacs.”

Spike looked at Xander and shrugged. They piled under the blankets and made out all day, ignoring Buffy’s repeated threats of death and dismemberment. It came as no surprise when Buffy stopped the car as soon as the sun set to free Angel.

The vampire was in much better shape when he got out of the trunk. “Where are we?”

Buffy smiled. “On our way home.”

“Via South Dakota,” Xander added

“WHAT!?”

Spike pointed at a road sign. “We’re in South Dakota. Buffy must have found a shortcut.”

Angel leaned heavily against the car. “How the hell did we end up in South Dakota? California is west and south. South Dakota is east and north.”

Buffy put on her best innocent-face. “Xander didn’t give good directions.”

Xander huffed indignantly but was ignored. Angel ordered them into the car and got them turned around. “Has anyone called Giles?”

Buffy pulled out her cell phone. “Oh. The battery’s dead and I didn’t bring the charger.”

Angel swore. “We’ll find a pay phone then.”

Ten hours later, Angel was back in the trunk, Xander was driving, Spike was piled in the front floorboard, and Buffy was fuming in the back seat. It had taken seven hours to find a functioning pay phone and all of their change to make the call. Giles had been greatly amused by their predicament. It would be late the next day before they got home.

When Angel pulled the car into a spot in front of the Magic Box, Buffy shot out of the car. The witches, Dawn and Giles were waiting for them.

“Xander and Spike are…” Buffy said, her voice fading when she saw Dawn.

“Yes, yes, I know. Do keep an open mind, Buffy,” Giles said. He greeted Spike and Xander as they filed past him into the shop.

“Willow, Xander’s doing Spike!” Buffy screeched.

Willow nodded. “It’s great, don’t you think?”

Angel stared at Giles as they all entered the store. “You knew?”

Giles simply smiled. “Of course.”

“And I got to try a Runza!” Xander said animatedly to Dawn. “They’re great!”

Buffy flopped down on the stairs. “Angel, go away. This is all your fault.”

Angel thought about defending himself, but decided not to. He just turned around and walked out, needing to get back to L.A. with the demon mummy stuff anyway.

“Giles, I hate you,” Buffy said without any real malice.

“I know,” He replied, smirking at her.

Xander and Spike shared a look and headed for the door. “Hey, G-man. Next time you’ve got a road trip you need doing, let me know! That was fun!”

Buffy rolled her eyes at Xander. “Willow, have you ever been to Nebraska?”

Willow shook her head. “Nope, but I hear it’s beautiful. Rolling fields of corn, wide open spaces…”

“Trust me, you don’t want to visit Nebraska,” Buffy said groggily.

“Why not?” Tara asked tentatively.

But Buffy had already fallen asleep.

“Oh well, and I was looking at grad schools there,” Willow said sadly.


So, just what happened to Angel in the trunk? Your guess is as good as mine. Use your imagination, fill in the proverbial blanks…