Title: Chasing the Fears Away

Author: Soft Princess ( sofy_slashnuts@hotmail.com )

Website: www.buffybrotherhood.com/theisland

Date: November 29, 2002

Pairing: S/X

Rating: soft R… I think.

Spoilers: up to 'Conversation with Dead People'.

Disclaimer: I do not own Xander, nor Spike. Joss Whedon, UPN and a lot more people do. Don't sue. Please?

Summary: Spike's scared and Xander soothes him.

Author's Note: In my opinion, and I admit it's very late and I'm exhausted, this really isn't my best work, but I wanted to write something for the Second Edition of the Slashaholics Song fic awards, so here it is. It's based on the song Make You Mine, by The Corrs.

I didn't actually include the lyrics IN the fic, but they set the mood. I put them at the end. I felt that if I'd have put them between paragraphs they would've broken the mood and I didn't want that.

Thanks: Helen's the beta. All bow to her greatness. *bows deeply*

***

Xander's POV

I can't wait for the day to end. All day, every day for a month now, I've been waiting for the day to fade, so I could go back home and… I really can't believe what's happening to me. It all goes back to when Buffy told us about Spike killing all those people. I was bound to do 'evil undead babysitting' that night. I brought him back home and helped him to his room. He didn’t say a thing all night.

I couldn't sleep that night. I stayed up, sitting on the couch, remembering how much it hurt when he hit me that night and how much I just wanted to stake him. I kept bickering and bitching for a week. I didn't understand why 'I' had to babysit him.

I finally got a day off because my boss kinda realised I wasn't really in good shape. I hadn't been sleeping at all, all week. I woke up around noon and went to make myself some coffee, when I heard noises coming from his room. I walked over to it, carefully; I didn't want to scare him or anything. He'd probably rip my head off if I managed to surprise him. Anyway, I opened his door and walked in. There he was, cowering in fear in one corner of the room, his eyes wide open, as he mumbled incoherently. I walked to his side and gently placed my hand on his shoulder. It was very awkward. He suddenly looked at me. His eyes reflected such pain and fear, I felt all my resistance fly away and I knelt beside him.

"Make 'em go 'way." He whispered to me, leaning his head on my shoulder. I wrapped my arms around him and just held him. I didn't know what to say. He cried that day, just like he does every day when I get home. I always find him in the same corner, but everytime he seems to be less scared, less haunted. Maybe it's just that I'm starting to be accustomed to his nightmares, but I like to think I'm helping him chase away his fears as I hold him.

It time now. The day's work is done and I'm going home. To him…

Spike's POV

He's coming home! Any minute he'll be here and then they'll stop shouting at me. He always makes 'em shut up. I can't… I can't… I can't go a day without him. Not since… since he took me.

He's here, I feel him. He's opening the door and soon, he's by my side and he holds me tight. Too soon. he helps me lie back on the bed and he gathers the sheets around me. I don't want him to leave. I want him to hold me again. All the time. I need his arms around me.

I look at him and… I think he understands. He caresses my cheek. His hand feels so good against my skin. He heats me up. Slowly, he takes off his shoes, and then his shirt. I don't even have to look at him. I know. He always does it the same way. He sits on the side of the bed and unties his boots, then sheds his shirts and pants, before sliding under the covers and hugging me tightly to his chest. His heat covers me from head to toe and I start to purr.

What kind of vampire am I? Purring for a human. But he always seems to bring out the best in me. He keeps fear at bay and that's enough to make me fall. I fall for him deeper every day.

I know that in the morning he'll leave me, and I'll miss him, but he'll always come back to me at night. He'll hold me tight again and maybe, just maybe, he'll let me love him next time. I'm never strong enough to ask him, but one day I will be. I feel myself getting stronger everyday. Soon, I'll be able to make him mine. Just as he makes me his every night.

Xander's POV

I want him so damn much, it's maddening. I’ve never, ever, felt this way for a man before. I know! It's a very lame excuse. But it's true. He seems to bring out the best in me. In fact, he makes me believe in more than I've ever believed in before. Maybe people 'can' change.

I left him again this morning. But this time, I know everything will be all right. Last night, it didn't take me more than 10 minutes to get him back in the bed. For the first time, he was able to look at me when he asked me to stay. I don’t think he even realises that he's asking it out loud. Most of the time, he just mutters, but yesterday, he looked straight at me and said: "Don't go." I smiled.

I'm sure he knows just how much I want him. I keep thinking about him and I feel this growing need inside me. I wanna make him mine. I wanna take him in my arms and hold him and take him and kiss him…

I want this to happen. I want to help him overcome his fears, because I want him to need me, just as much as I need him. I want him to fall for me… because I'm falling deeper for him every day.

Spike's POV

The sun's coming up again and I lie back down on the bed. This time, I got up after he went to sleep. I felt I could trust myself to move again. Alone. Finally alone. But now, I want to be with him. He's gonna wake up any second now, but I'll lie with him until he does.

I can feel him opening his eyes and looking at me. I smile. I'll always be there with him when he wakes up. He showed me yesterday. Showed me how he felt. When he entered me, I felt the urge to cry. And I did. I cried in relief, because he loved me and I could feel it, burning through my soul. But I also cried for him. He shouldn't love me. Not him! Not such a beautiful, giving soul. But he did. And he showed me.

He's leaving, but for the first time, he leans over and kisses me. His lips burn mine and I know I'll feel this fire on me all day, reminding me that he will come back. Home. To me.

Xander's POV

I don't know why, but I feel like he's broken me somehow… or maybe it's more like he’s broken into me. Just by being himself, he’s forced me to look deeper into my own soul. I can't stand to be away from him, not even for a day while I'm at work. He said the same to me last night.

He told me that just when he thought he was completely alone and that life had deserted him, I was there. For him. I was the light for his soul. He said he'll keep fighting everyday. Just for me. Because I'm his light.

And how sappy was that? But it didn't matter. It still doesn't. I'll never let him go. I won't let him kill himself out of guilt or let him waste away because he thinks he's nothing. Well he is something. He's mine. I protect what's mine. I always will.

Spike's POV

I've never seen anything as beautiful as him. Ever. I can't get enough of his skin, his heat. As I enter him, slowly, gently, I feel as if I'm in another reality, one where only he and I exist. Where there is no pain, no guilt, no fear. Where I fall for him without fear of his friends walking in on us and taking him away from me.

I've fallen hard. And I keep falling.

He's writhing underneath me as I make him mine, like he made me his last night. I push into his tight heat and tears fall from my eyes. Bloody happy tears.

When he falls asleep, I can't find the strength to get up. I softly caress his cheek, then pass my hand through his hair. My other hand gently strokes his stomach, which is still slick from the sweat of our love making. I lie with him until he wakes up and leaves me for the day. I'll be there when he comes back, because he'll always come back. I'll miss him while he's gone, but tonight, when he comes back home, I'll make him mine again.

The End