Title: Pain and Laughter

Author: Soft Princess ( sofy_slashnuts@hotmail.com )

Website: www.buffybrotherhood.com/theisland

Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Buffy and Angel verses and I'm not about to make money out of them. They all belong to Joss Whedon and co.

Feedback? Please? Tell me if it's crap ok?

Rating: R for nastiness, language and semi-consensual sex (not graphic)

Pairing: Spike/Xander at the beginning, but it's nasty. Xander/Lindsey as the story progresses.

Spoilers: Season five of BtVS nothing really specific. Spike still has the chip and Xander lives in his apartment. Season two of AtS, after Dead End.

Summary: Xander is suffering in a dangerous relationship with Spike. Can Lindsey help?

Note: Based on CJ's challenge that he posted on m-mSlashaholics a while ago…

More notes: Anya and Tara are not in my story for reasons unknown. My muse didn't wanna tell me. I'm writing in the fog here, so please bear with me.

WARNING: this story portrays Spike as an abusive character. Please be aware of that before reading. Also, there will be some semi-consensual sex and it might end up with a character death, but I'm not sure.

***

The brown man was slowly making his way towards the dark street of the little town. The blood stains on his shirt were starting to grow. He was in bad shape. He looked around at the small, peaceful street. It looked like a nice neighbourhood. But Lindsey knew better. //This is Sunnydale. The Hellmouth. Home of the slayer.// He stopped for a second. //The slayer. I need to find her.// He looked at his watch. //So late. She'd probably be the only one up in town. Shouldn't be too hard to find.// The demon had told him to deliver a message when he had stolen his car, this was as good a time as ever to do so. Laughter cought his ear and he looked at the lighten house. He knew from one of his sources that this particular slayer wasn't doing her work alone. So maybe...

He slowly limpered towards the door and walked up the stairs, panting. Out of breath from this simple effort, he leaned against the doorway.

"Shut up kiddos. Someone's at the door." A british voice said from the inside.

Suddenly scared, Lindsey straightened up and tried to ease his breathing. He brought his hand up and knocked.

"I'll get it." This time it was a gentle, but firm young woman's voice.

She roughly opened the door and just looking at her, Lindsey knew it was her. The slayer. She looked him up and down, acknoledging the numerous bruises and cuts on his body, before looking in his eyes, shocked. "Can I help you?" She asked gently.

"Slayer?" Lindsey asked, his voice hoarse from the blood loss and sounding so hopefull, it actually made the slayer speechless.

"Yes." Buffy said, reaching to help the young man in. "What happened? Is it still around?" She asked, leading Lindsey inside and looking at Giles. The older man hurried out of the living room, Willow in tow and quickly came back with blankets, which he sprawled on the couch. Buffy helped Lindsey sit down and then looked at the rest of the gang. Spike was standing in a corner, smoking his cigarette while Xander was staring at the man on the couch. Willow and Giles were rummaging through the first aid kit and had already started to patch the brunette up. Dawn was sitting beside Xander, not able to tear her eyes away from the blood.

"Dawn, get into your room now please." The young girl didn't even protest. She nodded and flew out of the room.

Xander stood up after she left. "I'll go make coffee and hot chocolate for everyone, this looks like it's gonna be a long night. What do you want?" He asked the man on the couch.

Lindsey looked up and was entranced by the beautiful brown eyes looking down at him. He blushed. //Me blushing? Damn, I must be hurt more badly then I thought!//

"Coffee, strong please. I need it."

"Yeah, you look like hell. And I know what I'm talking about." Xander said, before turning around and heading for the kitchen. A few seconds later, Spike followed.

"All right." Buffy said, sitting on the coffee table, in front of the brunette. "What happened?" She asked calmly trying to met the man's eyes. "Ohh, more importantly, what's your name?"

Lindsey looked up. "Lindsey. Just Lindsey." Giles and Willow exchanged a knowing glancing before going back to their task.

"Ok, 'just Lindsey'. What happened?" Buffy repeated.

"I was mugged. A demon stole my car. And my money, and my phone and everything I had actually. A grusom morke I think. Or something of the kind." He said, breathless.

Buffy looked at Giles and the older man nodded. He left Willow to finish the patching up and walked out, calling out to Dawn to come with him. Together they left the house and soon a car was heard driving away.

"All right." Buffy said, looking back at the man on the couch. "Giles will do some research while you rest. No more questions for tonight. It won't come back here, so no worry. We'll try to find your car back tomorrow. We all need sleep now." Buffy stood up, but didn't walk away. "By the way, I'm Buffy and this is Willow."

Xander walked in at that instant and Lindsey turned around at his footsteps. Their eyes locked and at that instant Lindsey could see pain in the young man's eyes. Xander quickly hid it behind a smirk, introducing himself, as he lowered Lindsey's cup in front of him.

"I'm Xander and the bleached wonder there is Spike. Don't worry about him." He added as Lindsey realised what Spike was. "He doesn't bite."

"Aw." Lindsey said simply. "I know one of those." Everyone looked at him in shock.

"No you don't mate." Spike replied before anyone could say anything. "Only other vamp that doesn't bite isn't like me at all. Just chipped and once I get the..."

"'Bloody chip out, I'll rip your throats and drink you all till you're dry.' We heard it all fangless, so cut off with the act will you." Xander said, sitting on the coffee table and not looking at the vampire. Lindsey cought a glimpse of anger in the vampire's eyes. Something deadly. And he knew that if the vampire could have, the young man would have been dead in a second for that comment. The ex-lawyer shivered.

Willow looked at Lindsey and smiled lightly. "You'll have to take your shirt off. I need to patch the cuts under there." She said in a tender voice. Xander smiled. //Sweet Willow, she'll never change.//

Shrugging, Lindsey obliged. Buffy took the shirt off his hands and looked at it. "This is no good anymore. We'll have to find you some other stuff. Xander's clothes could fit." She added, looking at the young man in question.

Xander nodded, swallowing hard. Spike wouldn't like that. The girls were oblivious to the fear in Xander's eyes, but Lindsey caught it. //Something bad is going on with this guy. I can just feel it.// He thought as he kept staring at the young man. He heard a very low growl coming from the side and he turned around, looking directly into Spike's eyes. //And it's got something to do with that vampire.//

He looked at Willow and Buffy, then back at Xander. //Why do I care anyway?//

Lindsey shrugged and laid his head on the back of the couch, closing his eyes. Willow was working magic, quickly cleaning the wounds and bandaging them without as much as a stitch. He opened his eyes and reached for his coffee, which Buffy handed to him. He thanked him with his eyes and took a careful sip. You never knew what a guy's coffee could taste like. //Oh My God. This is so good. Just like I love it. Perfect coffee.// He looked at Xander, while drinking and nodded at him. //Way to go.. Xander.// He thought dearly, smiling slightly in the cup.

Spike was watching the exchange with anger. //Fucking keep your eyes away from my pet you fucking twat.// He thought, ready to explode. But something was holding him. He would never yell these things while Xander's friends were in the room. He needed to be sweet then. He had a reputation to keep if he wanted to still have the free food and the safe place to be.

Everything went smothly for the next hour. Xander started zapping on tv and Buffy started cleaning up her weaponry, as if preparing for a fight. Spike stood in the corner, smoking cigarettes after cigarettes, glaring at Lindsey. He wouldn't take his eyes away, except to glare at Xander. Neither Willow, nor Buffy realised it. The young witch carefully finished the patching up and put everything away, before heading to the kitchen and coming back with cookies.

"Little snack time." She whispered mischeviously to Lindsey, nodding at Xander, her eyes shining with mischief. She put the cookies down on the coffee table and helped herself to one. The sound made Xander look up as Lindsey and Willow were looking at him. The young man, licked his lips, his eyes focused on the cookies. He reached for the table and quickly snapped the bag away.

"Hey!" Willow protested mockingly. "Leave some for us." Lindsey laughed lightly. The look on Xander's face was priceless. It was the best 'who me' look Lindsey had ever seen.

Reluctantly, Xander put the bag back on the table, just after taking a few out. "Mmm, cookies." He said, closing his eyes as he engulfed one entirely. Without thinking, Lindsey looked at Spike in the corner. Something had changed in the vampire's eyes. He was transfixed by the sight of Xander eating the cookie and he looked... arroused. Completely and utterly arroused by the chewing and swallowing motion of the young man's throat.

Lindsey's mouth flew open. //This is more complex than I thought.// He looked at Buffy and Willow and both seemed completely oblivious to what was going on before their very eyes. Either they just chose to accept it, or had no idea it was taking place. What was sure to Lindsey was that something bad was happening under their very nose, something really bad. He knew people like Xander. They would joke their ways out of everything, trying to hide their pain. And Xander's pain was related to the vampire. The young man was making his two girl friends laugh and smile, to derivate their toughts from himself. //This is his problem, not mine. I shouldn't care.//

Giles and Dawn entered the house, bringing a few books with them. The teenager looked completely exhausted. They left the books on the coffee table and Dawn sank on the couch, sighing. "I hate researching." She said, almost growling.

"You sure do Nibblet." Spike said gently, making Lindsey turn to look at him. //Ok, this is so not the tone I'd expect him to take.// There was pride and warmth in the vampire's eyes as he looked at the young girl on the couch. There was something about the girl. //So... that's his weak point.// Lindsey thought, smirking interiorly. Everytime he found a new enemy, he would always try to fing their weakness. He didn't know why, but after only an hour in the same room with the vampire, he knew they were gonna be enemies.

Giles started talking with Willow, but the talk was lost to Lindsey's ears. He could feel himself drifting off to sleep when suddenly, he heard his name and sat straight. "What?"

"We were just asking if you'd want to go with Xander. I don't have a comfortable place here for you, but he does have a spare room. With a nice comfy bed for you." Buffy said gently.

Lindsey looked around the room. Spike was gone, Dawn was probably upstairs, sleeping. Xander was looking at Lindsey with something approaching hope in his eyes. //Damn, he really is in trouble if he doesn't want to go home alone.// "Sure. I'll go. As long as there's a bed I don't mind." He smirked. Xander left out a short relieved sigh, before reaching for his coat. He handed it to Lindsey.

"You'll need that. I'll find you some clothes when we'll get to my apartment." //Hoping Spike is too pissed to come around tonight. Oh please, make it so.// He pleaded in his mind, still smiling on the surface. Somehow though, he knew Spike would come around. Shivering, he shook his head and waved goodbye, before helping Lindsey out of the house and into his car. //Please Spike, be out when I get home. I don't want you to put on a scene while he's there. Please, please. I'll do whatever you want, but please, be out.//

Finally alone with Xander, Lindsey couldn't think of anything to say that wouldn't sound like a violation of the young man's private life. He looked at Xander and then back out the window. "You look tense." He said simply.

"Yeah. My apartment is not really tidy and clean actually, so I'm kinda hoping you won't notice. What with the expensive clothes you're wearing." Xander smiled.

//That's not working Xander.// Lindsey thought.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence. Xander parked his car and then helped Lindsey up the stairs and into the living room. "The spare room is over there." He started, pointing to the left. "My room, is over there." He pointed in the opposite direction. "The kitchen, is there. and the bathroom is next to my room. If you need anything, just yell, I'm under yell reach." He smiled warmly at Lindsey and the other man smiled back at him. They were entranced by the other's eyes. Without even realising it, they stood there for a minute, just looking in the other's eyes.

They shook their heads at the same time and looked away. Xander lead Lindsey to the spare room and disapeared for a second, coming back with a pair of indoor pants and a t-shirt. "I'm not... lending you boxers, because ewwww. I just hope this fits." He said, blushing slightly.

Lindsey smiled and grabbed the clothes. "It's ok, I'll buy new ones tomorrow..." //If I can find money.//

"I'll lend you some money if you need some. Until you find your things I mean." Xander said, turning around and getting ready to leave.

"Thank you... Xander. That's not your full name is it?" Lindsey asked, curious.

"No. Alexander, that's my full name. I don't use it much. Only my parents..." He stopped, not turning to look at Lindsey.

The other man could feel this was another sore subject and decided not to ask more questions. Being a lawyer it was ingrained in him to ask and be curious. But Xander's tone and the way he hung his shoulder made Lindsey's heart turn in his chest. He didn't want to hurt the young man more than he already had been and probably still was. Lindsey shivered as he remembered the look in the vampire's eyes back at the slayer's place.

For the first time in over a year, Lindsey felt the overwhelming feeling of wanting to take somebody else in his arms and make everything right. But he couldn't. Xander wasn't his to hug or comfort. //At least not yet.// He thought in his mind as Xander, suddenly said good night and left. //Not ever. Stop kidding yourself. He's as unattainable as Darla was. Even more so.//

Lindsey quickly changed into Xander's slightly too big sweat pants. They were wonderfully comfortable. Sighing, the lawyer crept into bed and brought the covers over his head, sleep taking him.

He was suddenly brought back from sleep by a loud bang and someone yelling.

"Fucking hell whelp get over here!" Spike screamed in the quiet apartment, as he entered, drunk. Xander stumbled into the living room, still half asleep.

"Don't yell too loud Spike.You'll wake him." He whispered, not loud enough for Lindsey to hear.

"You mean you bloody got him HERE???" Spike screamed in anger.

"Hey! Don't Spike." Xander said, reaching out and stopping Spike from running to the spare room.

"You're gonna pay for this pet." Spike said menacingly.

Xander's heart started racing. //Don't Spike, please.// "Why? We haven't done anything, I just brought him over here because he had no where else to go!"

"Have you seen the way he looks at you? Are you bloody blind?? You are a stupid git aren't you? You're mine, you're not gonna get anywhere with him. You hear me? You're gonna throw him out tomorrow. Don't want to ever see him again. Is. That. Clear?" Spike growled, his eyes flashing a bright yellow.

Xander shivered and looked down. He knew better than to try and argue. Spike was drunk and now he was pissed. This was bad and Xander didn't want to add to the vampire's anger. Even if he had started to like the lawyer. //Better like this anyway. For him.//

"Yeah, very clear." He whispered.

"Good." Spike still looked angry. His eyes wandered around the room. "You can't bloody take care of this place huh? You're bloody useless. Now, where's my soddin' mug? I told you I want blood as SOON as I get in here. Get in that kitchen, I'm gonna change, it better be warm by the time I get out."

The vampire stormed into the bedroom. Shoving away the tears that were threathening to fall, Xander hurried to the kitchen and quickly put a mug of blood in the microwave. //I can't believe him. He yells at me if I don't follow his orders but I should even anticipate everything. If I listened to him I'd be up all the time, not sleeping.//

"HEY! It's gonna get cold! Stop being useless and bring the sodding mug in here!"

Xander took a deep breath and walked into the bedroom, making sure not to spill any blood on the floor. He gave the mug to Spike and the vampire looked up in anger. Xander looked down and went to his side of the bed, climbing under the covers.

"Don't you even think of going to sleep you git." Spike growled. "I got a little problem you're gonna take care off." He finished, waving at his erection. Without a word, Xander went to work.

Lindsey was now wide awake in his borrowed bed. He had heard most of the yelling and was now trying to shield himself against the noise drifting to his ears. It was clear that the vampire was enjoying whatever Xander was doing.

The moans and groans of pleasure were unbearable for the lawyer. It was a disturbing sound after the anger of a few minutes earlier. In fact, the anger was even more comforting. Then, it was sure that something was wrong. But now, to the unknowing people, it almost looked like everything was good and well in the world for the two lovers. But Lindsey had yet to hear moans coming from the human. Finally, Spike came with a groan and the noise stopped.

TBC…

Chapter two

The next morning found Xander staring at the ceiling in his bedroom. Spike was asleep, wrapped around the warm body of the human. It was the only moment of peace Xander had. The only moment when he could believe that Spike did love him. He wouldn't be curled up against him this way if he didn't, right? Shaking his head as the many uncertainties of his life were threatening to come crashing down on him again, Xander slowly untangled himself from the vampire's embrace, being very carefull not to wake him up, and gathered up his clothes. He looked sadly at Spike one more time before heading to the bathroom.

//A good shower will make me feel better.// He thought as he closed the bathroom door, without locking it. Another one of Spike's rules. Never lock the door so he can sneak in and fuck Xander senseless whenever he wants. //I really hope he won't wake up today. I need to hurry if I want to drop Lindsey at Buffy's before going to work.// He slapped his head with his hand in realisation. //Fuck! Buffy won't even be awake! Fuck, fuck, fuck. What the hell m'I going to do?// He washed up swiftly and got out of the shower.

//And besides, he needs all the sleep and rest he can get. He got badly hurt... damn. But he can't stay here. Spike will be so pissed! And I so cannot deal with a pissed off Spike.// His inner ramble continued as he dried off and quickly dressed himself.

//Ok. My best guess is that I should wake him up now, leave him just enough time to get dressed... argh! what the hell is he gonna wear? I need to get into the room again to get him some pants and a shirt. Fuck.// He shook his head and tiptoed his way back into his bedroom, not even breathing. If he did wake Spike up, that would be bad. It was bad enough that Xander had to think of an excuse to tell Lindsey, but if he had to cover up for Spike's anger, that would be too much.

//It's ok, don't breathe, don't speak, don't make a single... FUCKING damn noise.// He screamed in his head as his shirt drawer squeaked while he opened it. Not losing his patience, except mentally, he quickly retrieved a t-shirt and his smallest pair of pants, //Those should fit him. He's smaller than me...// and then headed quietly out of his room. He breathed deeply as soon as he silently closed the door behind himself.

"He's bad isn't he?" A voice asked.

"Ahhh!" Xander screamed, then slapped his hand on his mouth, listening closely to make sure he hadn't woken Spike up. "What the hell are you talking about?" He asked, as he slowly relaxed.

"Oh, it's none of my business all right. I'm just gonna put those on and then we can go. I guess I'll have to find a hotel room for tonight." //With which money?// Lindsey asked himself, as he waited for Xander to hand him the pants and shirt.

The young man was in shock. //How does he know? What the hell did he hear? Fuck! God, I just hope Spike never finds out. If he does... there'll be hell to pay.// Another voice rose in his head. //As if there isn't already. You pay for every little fucking mistakes you do anyway. What's one more added to the mix?//

Xander looked at Lindsey and, still in shock, handed him the clothes. "Don't make any noise in the bathroom, please. I just..." He couldn't continue.

"Don't worry, I'll be as silent as a cat. He won't hear me. You think your friend the slayer will mind if I borrow her shower?"

Xander shook his head, his eyes down. "I'm sure she won't mind. Just... don't..."

"I won't tell her anything. It's your life, not mine. You do whatever you want with it." Lindsey whispered, as he headed for the bathroom. Quickly and quietly, he put on the borrowed clothes and washed his face.

//This young guy's in deep shit. He's so afraid of that vampire, I could feel it. He's stressed and nervous. Fuck! At this age, he shouldn't be worrying about that kind of shit. God, I wish I had a stake. It's not hard to get rid of a vamp when you want to.// He dried his hands and made his way back into the living room. The sight of Xander, looking so sad and lost, sitting there on the couch, made his heart jump. He wanted nothing more, at that single moment, than to wrap his arms around the young man and tell him that everything would be all right... //What the HELL?// He cursed himself, as he straightened up. //I can't go down that path again. This guy got himself in this mess, he's gonna have to get out of it by himself. It's NOT my problem.//

//He looks so cute when he babbles like this. His lips moving and his eyes sparkling with happiness.// Lindsey smiled lightly at the young man. //If there is one thing I like to see in his eyes, it's laughter. He is made for laughter. Fear isn't good on him.// At the thought of Spike, Lindsey's body went stiff. //That bastard will pay.// He thought, not knowing that at the same moment, lurking in the shadows, following him and Xander, Spike was thinking the same. With one last look at the two happy glowing men, the vampire turned around and walked away, anger pouring out of him. He needed something to kill.

Lindsey carefully took Xander's hand in his, as if to protect the boy from an unconscious threat. He couldn't have enough of the young man's smiles and words. He kept listening and getting sidetracked as he looked at the lips moving and looking so damn inviting.

Without thinking, Lindsey leaned in and brushed his lips over Xander's. The younger man stopped speaking, in shock, before wrapping his hands around the older man's torso and kissing him like there was no tomorrow. Finally, they broke apart, gasping for air. Lindsey moaned in pain, as Xander hands brushed on one of his scars.

Afraid that he had hurt Lindsey, Xander stood aside. "Oh my God. I'm so sorry, did I hurt you?" His eyes showed so much fear that Lindsey felt his heart jump again for the hundredth time that day.

"No. You didn't. You're the one that's hurt." Lindsey shook his head. "I don't know how it happened, but right now, I would do anything for you. Please, let me help you? Tell me there's something I can do." He asked, lightly brushing his hand on Xander's cheek in a gentle caress, as he tried to forget his own physical pain. Xander's heart needed tending.

"Get me out of there. Please?" Xander pleaded, his eyes locked with Lindsey.

TBC...

Lindsey stood in front of Spike, a determined look on his face. "You get out of here."

"Who the hell do you think you are, wanker?" Spike growled. "I do whatever I please with my damned life, you take care of your own problems and stop putting your nose in those of others. I do whatever 'I' chose to do." He repeated.

"I strongly suggest you leave."

"And what will you do? You're a ponce. Won't even be able to toss me out. And b'sides, why do you think I should go? S'not your town as far as I know. S'not even your apartment."

Without losing his composure, though he was boiling inside, Lindsey decided to play the big card. If this didn't work, then Angel was only a phone call away. //God, I can't believe I'm even *thinking* about calling Angel.// "Dawn won't be pleased to learn how well you're treating her all time crush."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"The way you treat Xander. That's what I'm talking about." Lindsey growled his answer. He was so close to losing his nerves. "You treat him like shit, like he ain't worth anything. Well, let me remind you of this: Dawn loves him. A lot. If she ever learns of the way you're treating him, what do you think she'll do?"

"The nibblet won't do anything." Spike whispered, looking away from Lindsey.

"You sure of that?"

"She won't do anything, because she knows me. Who do you think she'll believe? Me? Or you? A pathetic tosser that she's only known for a few day?"

"Oh, she might not believe me, but she knows that something bad's going on with Xander, she knows he's unhappy and sad. She's not stupid. She'll figure it out. Especially since she'll probably believe Xander more than you, or me."

Spike turned towards Lindsey, in full vampire face. "You won't tell her anything, you hear me?" He growled, walking menacingly towards the human.

"Oh. You think you're scaring me? Stop with the act blondie, I'm as evil as you. And don't you forget it. Also, you're a puppy on a leash, you can't bite." Lindsey stated, standing in the same spot, calmly.

"Want to test me?" Spike growled yet again.

Lindsey shrugged, opened his coat and retrieved a stake from the inside pocket. He played with the wood piece as he talked. "I just love this stake. You know, it was meant to kill your sire." Lindsey smirked at Spike's stunned expression. "Oh, we know that Drusilla ain't your sire. We've been keeping an eye on you vampires for centuries. And we're better at it than the watchers." Lindsey started circling Spike. "Yes, this was meant to kill Angel. I carved it myself… but I never used it. You know why?" He asked as Spike growled in frustration. "No, you don't. There's one thing that Angel has and you don't." Lindsey smirked, as he pocketed the stake and went for the door. "A heart to put it in."

Spike stared in astonishment as the man opened the door and stepped outside. The vampire knew that this was his last chance. Leave, or be staked. It was more than clear. But the vampire wouldn't give up so fast. He would never give up. Xander was his money, his apartment, his car, his blood. Xander was his. No one would get between him and his toy. No One.

***