I hate mornings. Correction, I hated mornings. As I open my eyes, on the second day of my new life, I know that if I keep waking up with this man beside me, I'll love mornings forever. He is sleeping, deeply. I turn y head and look at him. His dark hair is falling on his face, his mouth slightly open, one of his arms around my waist, the other buried under the pillow. He looks peaceful and beautiful. He is awfully cute. I know all my friends from Illinois are going to be so jealous! Especially Swathi. But that's not why I like him.

Two days ago, I didn't even know him and today, he's my partner, my other half. He understands me completely. He too is not a natural being. He's a miracle and I'm a key. It's kinda frightening. The speed with which we accepted this, I mean. I'm a little scared. That he isn't what I think he is. Maybe we can understand each other, and are meant to be together, but then, what if we don't even like the same things? What if we keep arguing like mom and dad did all the time? What if, what if, what if. There's always what ifs in life.

What if I hadn't run into Spike, when I came out of the dorms three days ago? Would I be here? I knew he was watching over me, but I never knew just how closely. When the urge to come here struck, we just stumbled into each other on our way out. He was living in the janitors closet! Can you believe this? Spike, master vampire, now mated [Yes, I know what it means, I'm not 15 anymore!] with one of my best friends, had been living in a janitors closet for the last three months! If he had told me, I would've found him a nice place, not a two foot wide closet! I know I'm exaggerating. The janitors closet is not THAT small, but still, it's not a place for him. I don't even know what he did to eat.

Anyway, that's not a problem anymore, Xander'll take good care of him. I still can't believe it. Xander and Spike. It's like, two of the men I love most getting together. Well that's what it is. I know Spike is not actually a man, but still

Mmm, I think I'm getting away from the original subject : Connor. We're the youngest ones of the group, not counting my future niece or nephew, and we're supposed to be the leaders in this. I honestly don't know if we'll be able to do it. I mean, I'm only nineteen! I'm not supposed to be the leader of a group of warriors! But hey, I'm not normal, so I go with the plan. They say we're leading, then we're going to. I just don't know WHERE exactly we're supposed to lead them.

Sun's up. I'm a morning person now. Since my trip to Tibet, I haven't been able to sleep after the sun woke up. I'm sitting in the bed, looking at the wall, well more like looking at nothing in particular. I'm thinking. I might not be a big talk guy, but I love to think… it helps me relax.

It's been a while since I last saw all of them. So many things happened. And no one as updated me yet. I've been here two days and the only thing I know is that Angel has a son, only God knows how, and that Tara died. And Willow really isn't going well. I guess her life's been pretty difficult these last few years. Dawn said something about magic and control, but I didn't really understand what she was saying. I think I should ask what happened, but I'm not really big on the whole talking front.

This prophecy is really weird. I never thought I'd be back with all of them. They were my friends for two years and that was a great time. Sure there was the whole werewolf deal and the nightly visit to the cemetery and the usual apocalypses, but we were friends, and we were never alone in our fight. I missed it.

For the last four years, I've been very lonely. Since Veruca… I've been going around the world, around the US, but I was always alone. Now, I know I'm not gonna leave again. And even if my wolf is growling because he feels trapped, I don't want to leave. I want to stay here and make peace with Will and all the others. I want to know what happened to Buffy and Giles and Xander, I want to know how Spike got to become a part of the group, I want to know how much they changed. I want to be part of the team again. I want to fight. And I want to win. I want Willow back.

We're not back together yet. Though I know it's gonna happen. She needs me. As much as I need her. She's changed so much since the last time I saw her. But then, so have I. We're not the same we were then, but we're not different either.

Love is such a powerful thing. I never thought I could love so much. The first time I found myself loving someone was when I was in high school. The girl never looked at me or when she did, she had that look of utter disgust that she always gave to those she hated. But still, I loved her. I don't know if I was in love with her, but I was utterly fascinated by her. After her rejection, one night at a school dance, I closed my heart. It wasn't the thing to do. I just became more like my father, but still not enough for him to appreciate it. He always hated me. Sometimes I even wonder if I really am his son. We are so different in so many ways. Though I sometimes think our differences lay in our very resemblance. But I know I'm not going to make the same mistakes he did. I'm going to let myself love. I already have. I've fallen in love.

The problem is that, the man I love is the very man I betrayed. The one I considered my friend for two years, to whom I looked for approval, before I took his own son from his arms. I wanted to die. When I was taking him, I wanted to die. I knew I would lose everything that ever mattered to me. I lost my friends. I lost my family. The only place that felt like home. The only people that accepted me for who I was and liked me for being myself. But I had no choice. I felt compelled to do it. It was like a force was driving me to do it. I was going insane because I worried so much. And I knew. There was only one thing to do. If I wanted to save Angel, I needed to take Connor away. If I didn't, then he would suffer. He would kill his son and probably kill himself following that. I couldn't let that happen.

Of course, that was before we knew the prophecy was a false one. When Fred told me in the hospital that day, I felt like such a failure. The only thing I had achieved was to destroy everything that ever mattered to me. That's when I decided to go to Giles for help. What I found in Sunnydale was really not what I was looking for. They were all broken as well. The bonds that had held all of them together shattered. The friendship I remembered from the time I was there was gone. And Buffy was no longer the slayer that had told me she wouldn't work for the council anymore. She was a shadow.

Giles came back from England and helped her. As a watcher, a father and a lover, he brought her back to life. All the while I was helping Willow cope with what she'd done and trying to ease my own pain, Xander was there.

I never thought I could find such friendship after what happened with Connor. I thought I would never let myself have any friends again. But there he stood, with his smile and complete trust. I thought he would hate me, but he didn't. He was the only one that understood and our friendship grew to a point where we told each other everything. I took a long time to get there, but we did. When he told me about Spike, I was shocked. Who would've thought Xander Harris was gay? I think he didn't even know himself. Anyway, we're like brothers now. We can almost read each other's thoughts. It's a friendship I would never give up. One more dear to me than the one I shared with Gunn during our FIRED days…

Angel. I'm in love with him. I don't know why. Well, that's not true. I do know why. He a handsome man, beautiful and sweet and his eyes burn me inside out every time he looks at me. And since I found that prophecy and translated it, I know I have a second chance. I know we're going to make it. I need to take it slow. I'm not ready to go to him and I know he's not ready to come to me. We need to get back to the friendship we had and then, maybe, we'll be able to be more than friends. I have all the time in the world and I'll wait.

I don't like prophecies. But right now, I don't think I have anything to say against this one. No demon, at least for now, and everyone looks happy. I mean, that's what's important, we should all be happy. We all deserve to be happy, we've fought the bad guys for so long, and we had no reward. I guess the fact that we all have a partner in this is showing we have the right to have a personal life, even if it's with someone that's fighting too.

Charles is the sweetest guy in the world. He's already up, and like every morning, he went downstairs to make me pancakes. I love waking up to the idea of pancakes. At first, he didn't know how to make them, but he asked the guy at the drive-in and since then, he's become a pretty good cook. I know he loves me. I love him so much. He's the sunshine in my world. He's what makes my world bright.

Umm, well that was sappy. But hey, I'm sappy girl. That's me. I love romance. And Charles is my very own romance worthy guy. I can't say that seeing Wes again didn't bring back some feeling I had for him three years ago, but I know Charles is the man for me. Wes is like my big brother. Someone I always thought of, since I meet him, as kinda my mentor. I want him to be part of us again. It'll be hard, but if Connor can forgive him, so can we.

There's one thing I never talked about with Charles. Since we're fighting this big fight against evil, I never let myself think about the future I could have with him. I always wanted to have children. I know I'm hardly more than a kid myself, what with the five years in a demon dimension and all, but even when I was in Pylea, I was thinking about the bedtime stories I could tell them when, not if, I would get back here. I kinda let go of the idea after I came back, it was no more than a fantasy I knew could never happen, but now, when I saw Buffy and her rounded belly and Giles hovering around her, it came back. I want to be a mom. If Buffy can do it, why not me? I know my mom would say it's a very bad idea, what with the life we live and all, but I hope one day I could have a baby of my own. With Charles.

But right now, I shouldn't think about that, but more about the pancakes. And the prophecy and all the rhetorical repercussions of it all. Pancakes first.

TBC