*****

Xander knew he should be stopping this, his reason was screaming for him to grab a stake and drive it through the heart of the man before him, this was SO wrong, but his heart and his body didn't want him to let go. Sure, he had a vampire's cock buried deep inside his ass, but it felt so good, so right. He had never felt this complete before. Moaning, he reached for the other's lips.

"Ooh... yes... Spike..."

*** Flashback: two months ago...***

The day had been awful. The wedding was a disaster, everyone fighting and drinking and that demon... Well, what it had shown Xander may not have been the truth, but it sure as hell made him wonder if his love for Anya was strong enough to go through all of what lay before them.

Looking around at the motel room, Xander sighed and decided to go take a walk. He only had his tux to wear, but he didn't care. It was late and dark, and being who he was, he surely knew better than to go out alone at this time of the night, but he didn't care. He didn't care about anything anymore. His ex-fiancée was broken hearted because of him, his parents had spent a great deal of money on this and they were probably arguing over the best way to make him pay for it, and he really didn't need to think about vampires or other demons right now. All he wanted was to take a walk through the city and try to ease the pain in his own heart.

He really had thought he loved Anya. He DID love Anya, but he didn't want to hurt her. He never would have wanted to hurt her. That's why he had left her at the altar. // Go figure! If I really didn't want to hurt her, I would never have asked her to marry me. //

He looked around him and realised he was standing in the cemetery in front of Buffy's mother's grave. Sighing, he sat down and looked up at the sky. The clouds were gone and the stars were shining. He looked at the grave before him and started to talk, as if Joyce Summers were standing in front of him.

"You know, life sucks." He talked to the grave for a long time, explaining why he did what he did and what his life looked like from the inside.

"It's like somebody just wants me to suffer for something my parents did. Me. Because my parents had a kid, I have to suffer. Will I ever, just once in my life, be able to feel happy, without thinking of my parents? I mean really happy, like, not happy-because-I-make-the-others happy, but because-I-make-myself-happy."

Suddenly, he felt a sharp pain through his left shoulder. He looked down and saw the end of a sword just a few inches over his heart. Slowly, he turned his eyes and came face to face with a 7-foot tall demon with big orange horns on his forehead and hands. The demon pulled the sword out and Xander cried out in pain.

"Now, I'm going to finish you, stupid and unworthy human."

Without giving any time for Xander to recover, the demon attacked again, this time in the right shoulder, making the boy cry out again. Again, the demon pulled the sword out, but Xander manage to get out of his way, groaning from the pain. The next time he grabbed the sword before it even touched him and threw it with all that was left of his forces.

He whispered. "Where is the slayer when you need her?"

The demon started to kick and punch, but Xander couldn't fight back, his senses overwhelmed by the pain. Finally, he let go and fell on the fresh grass, passing out.

*****
Part 2:

When Xander came to, he was lying in a hospital bed. He tried to sit, but cried from the pain. Every part of him ached. A cold hand reached for him and pushed him gently back down.

"Hey pet, don't move. Got yourself a good fight there."

"Spike?" Xander tried to look around the room, but his sight was fuzzy. He only saw shades of colours.

"Yeah pet. It's me."

"What are you... What happened?" His voice was shaking, as if he hadn't spoken for a long time.

"Don't remember, do ya? Big, ugly, orange horns?"

"Ooh yeah, that... How... how did I get here? Last thing I remember... I was alone... and ... almost dead." He tried not to move, but even talking was painful. He let out a groan.

"Ya shoudn' talk so much. Ya need rest, the doctor said. An' ya not dead are ya? So don't think about it. Jes try an' sleep." Spike sat down in the chair next to Xander's bed and looked at the door, no expression on his face. Xander decided not to argue, it was too painful, so he let out a sigh and closed his eyes.

He must have slept, because when his eyes opened again, his parents were in the room, arguing as always.

"What do you mean, 'poor boy'? He just got what he deserved. He left his fiancée at the altar for God's sake!" //dad, shut up// He wanted to scream, but he couldn't talk.

"Ohh please, he almost died, can you just not... Ohh, Xander, you're awake."

"Hey... mom..." He coughed and a sharp pain exploded through his body.

"Aaahhh" //that hurts! // He looked around to see if Spike was still there, but he was nowhere in sight.

"You've been sleeping for the past five days."

He sighed //five days???//

"The doctor said that you woke up about two nights ago, he wasn't there, neither were we... but one of your friends was... I don't remember his name..."

"Spike"

"That's it. From what they've told us, he's been here every night since the accident."

//Every night? I thought he hated me... Wait a minute...//

"Accident?"

"Yes, you were hit by a car. You don't remember?"

//Oh yeah, it was a big ugly orange horned 'car', sure I remember. What a car!! How do they explain the sword cuts then? Same old Sunnydale...//

"In fact, it was more like you've been in the middle of a car accident..." At that moment a doctor came in to examine Xander. Finally, his parents said goodbye and went back to whatever they were doing, probably arguing.

After a few questions, the doctor left too and Xander was alone. Not for long though. Buffy came in, carrying a box of chocolates and a bunch of flowers.

"Hey Xander! How are you?"

"Fine, Buff..."

"Don't lie to me. I just have to look at your face to know you're in pain. I'm *really* sorry, I should've been ..."

"You can't... be every...where, buffster." He said, sighing.

"Well, I'm just very glad that Spike happened to be nearby and heard you scream... I don't know what I would've done if..." She couldn't continue, tears flowing from her eyes.

"Shh, Buff, don't...cry... I'm ok... Not dead you see..." He tried to smile, but it felt like hell. "Ouch... can't smile... but want to."

She laughed shyly and showed him the chocolates and flowers.

"Chocolates are from Dawn, she said they were your favourites. As for the flowers, they're from Willow, Tara and me. There's a little card from each of us that comes with them, you might want to read them when you're alone. I have to go now. Work, you know." He looked at her and saw that she was still crying a little.

"Ok, Buff... Don't... think it's... your fault... You didn't do... anything..."

"I know, it's just... I don't want to lose you, or anyone else for that matter... I've gotta go, take good care and rest." She kissed his forehead and left.

"Bye Buff."

//So, Spike saved me? How? Don't think I'm going to get my answers today though.// He sighed and closed his eyes, he felt very tired, even though he had been sleeping for so long. He tried to think about what that demon was or why Spike was near, but finally, sleep came and Xander didn't fight it.

*****
Part 3:

The room was dark when he woke up again. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

"Finally waking up pet... It's nice to see ya." Spike said, his voice shaking. //What? Spike is happy to see me? Must be a dream... or somebody could have been playing with his mind.//

"Doctor told me ya woke up this morning. Ya healing fast he said. Don't seem fast enough though..."

"Spike..."

"What Xan'? Need anything?" //Somebody *must* have played with his mind ! He's asking *me* if I need anything !//

"What... what are you... doing here?" Talking was still a bit difficult, but it was less painful than it had been that morning.

"Jes checkin' on ya luv. Nothin' else..." //Checking on me? // "Ohh, an' takin' free blood when nobody's watchin'." //Looks like the same old Spike here... but why is he taking care of me? Just for the free blood? //

"Why?"

"What 'why'? 'Cause I bloody well need to eat. Tha's why."

"No... I mean... why are you... checking on me?"

"Dunno. After I saw ya all bloody an' brought ya here, I couldn't just go. It's like I can't leave ya alone. Wanna be sure ya all right." //That's new! He cares! Who would've thought? //

Xander tried to sit, but the pain in his arms made it difficult. Seeing his face distorted by the pain, Spike reached for him and helped him get more comfortable. When he was settled, the vampire sat down on the bed next to him. Xander was surprised by everything Spike was doing. //He helped me? He cares? What happened to the Big Bad? Might as well just ask him what happened after I passed out.//

"What happened... with the... demon?"

"I killed it."

"How did you... get there?" Xander lifted his eyes and looked into the deep blue ones in front of him.

"I... wanted to talk a bit. Do that often. Go to the lady's grave an' talk, that is. Before she died, we used to have hot chocolate an' talk 'bout everythin'... I miss that."

//Whoa, wait a second... Spike having hot chocolate and talking with Joyce ?// Xander shook his head gently, trying not to aggravate his injuries.

"Ya ok Xan'?"

"Yes, I just... I never thought you... were the hot chocolate type... that's all." He replied, sighing.

"Well, yeah. I like it. With plenty of marshmallows... So, I wanted to talk, but saw ya there, an' decided to leave ya alone with Joyce. Ya probably needed it more than I did. With the wedding an' all." Xander looked up again and caught a glimpse of concern in the vampire's eyes.

"Yeah, I needed it... Should've thought... demons are... always there... when you don't want... them to be... Did you hear..."

"What ya were sayin'?" Xander nodded. "Jes a little bit... But I wasn't trying to listen in. Vampire 'earing ya know. Anyway, was walkin' back to me crypt when I 'eard ya scream an' started runnin', but didn't get there in time. Ya were already on the ground and bleedin' to death. An' the stupid demon was sayin' that ya were 'unworthy' or somethin'... Annoyed me he did... I jes tapped on his shoulder an' he turned aroun' an' I punched him in the face, his sword fell, I took it an' killed 'im... Then I checked on ya, an' brought ya here. End of story." Spike punctuated his speech by punching and kicking the air, like he wanted to show Xander every move he made.

The boy just lay there silently, waiting for the vampire to finish. When he did, Xander looked at him.

"He... *annoyed* you?"

"Yeah! Ya not *unworthy*, Xan'... Jes don't know what to do, is all. I'm sure everythin'll be fine now..." //Is he kidding me? He actually cares if I ruin my life? //

"Thanks..." //*I* said thanks to *Spike*? Well, I can even surprise myself! //

"Why did you...stay?"

"What?" The vampire seemed surprise by the question.

"Why do you... keep coming back every night?" Talking was becoming easier, but Xander felt more and more tired. He closed his eyes and waited for the answer.

"I dunno. I jes do..." Spike's voice was barely a whisper and Xander had to concentrate to hear him. He opened his eyes and realised that the vampire was looking away. //This is becoming weird! Too weird... *Spike* looking after *me* for no reason? The chip must be malfunctioning or something. But hey, he actually cares so, as weird as that may sound, I should probably thank him...//

Xander carefully placed his hand on the vampire's arm and Spike turned to face him. He looked incredibly worried.

"Thanks Spike... For everything." His voice was filled with exhaustion.

"S'ok, Xan'. Jes go to sleep now. Ya need to get well." He gently helped Xander lie down. Then he arranged the sheets around the boy and made sure he was comfortable, before settling himself into the chair.

//No one as ever been so thoughtful of me before. I can't help but think he might be up to something. But this is just not his type. And he called me Xan, not whelp or pet, or anything else... I think I need to sleep, I'm getting confused here...// he closed his eyes and drifted to sleep.

*****
Part 4:

"... Seem to have healed almost completely. He should be ready to go home in a day or two. We just want to make sure his head injuries are not more serious than they appear. But for that, he needs to be awake. He seems to be sleeping a lot." The doctor's voice was low and he seemed to be talking with someone. //My parents I suppose. Who else? //

"Ya sure he's goin' to be ok?" //Spike ??//

"Yes. He is going to be perfectly fine, as long as someone is there to take care of him and make sure he doesn't pass out. Do you know if he lives with someone?" //Not anymore.//

"Use to. But she left. Nobody knows where she is." //Anya disappeared? //

"Do you think someone could stay with him for a while?"

"Dunno, maybe one of his friends could." //Who? Willow? Buffy? They have enough problems already, without adding me to the list.//

"You seem to care a lot for him. Maybe you could..."

"Don't think he'd like that, doc." //Why? //

"Why?" //Thanks doctor.//

"Well, we're not friends... An' he doesn't like me much."

"But you've been here every night since you brought him in. That makes six nights in a row. If he disliked you as much as you think, I don't think you would've stayed." //Umm, sleep boy here, he could've stayed, and I wouldn't have known.//

"Well, ya see, he doesn't like me, but doesn't mean I don't care. I wanna be sure he's ok, is all." //Sure... What are you up to Spike? //

"Well, talk to his friends and please make sure someone will be there when he goes home."

"I'll do me best." He paused and turned towards the bed. "Hey Xan'. Slept well?"

"Yeah. How long did I sleep?" He realised that his voice wasn't shaky anymore and talking was almost as easy as it normally was.

"A few hours. It's almost dawn."

"You're leaving then?"

"Yeah. Doctor here'll take care o' ya. Want me to get anythin' before I go?"

Xander thought a moment and his stomach began to make an awful noise.

"I think I'm hungry..." The three men laughed. "Can I eat something?" He asked, turning to the doctor.

"Sure. Your friend here could get you a sandwich while I'm making sure that your stomach will hold it." Spike left the room in search of food, while the doctor checked all the machines surrounding Xander for abnormal signs. Then he examined the boy and finally, he told him that everything was fine. Spike came back in at that moment and Xander *attacked* the sandwiches he brought. Laughing at the boy's eagerness, Spike said goodbye and left. The doctor made sure that Xander was comfortable, then he went back to his other patients.

Finally alone, Xander looked around him. Light was starting to appear through the window. //I hope Spike made it back ok.// Shaking that thought out of his head, he picked up the cards from the girls that Buffy had left on the nightstand that morning. Reading them, tears formed in his eyes and he blinked, making them fall on his hands.

//They're so nice. I couldn't have better friends. I love them so much. It must have been awful for them.// His thoughts were full of love and friendship. They were supportive of his decision, they weren't angry at him and they sent all their support for his recovery. It meant so much to him.

He brushed the tears away and placed the cards back on the nightstand, near the flowers and chocolates. He picked up the box and ate a couple, before deciding that his stomach wasn't really ready for more. When he put the box back, a yellow envelope caught his eyes. He reached for it and realised it was from England. //Giles! Finally giving some news! //

He eagerly opened the envelope and took the letter out.

Dear Xander,
I'm sorry about your wedding. I learned what happened two minutes ago,
along with the news of your *accident* as I'm sure most people will call
it. As soon as I heard Dawn's voice on the phone, I knew something was
wrong. When she told me, I couldn't help but think that I should've
been there. I'm so sorry.

I hope you will get better soon and that you'll call me. I miss all of
you and right now I'm so worried about you, I want to take the next
plane to Sunnydale. But I can't. I just can't go back. Just know that
my heart is with you, and I hope that you make a speedy recovery. I
enclose my phone number, if ever you want to talk to me.

My best wishes
Rupert Giles

Xander looked at the letter for a few more minutes, trying to figure out just *why* Giles couldn't come back. Checking to make sure that he wouldn't be calling in the middle of the night, he reached for the phone and dialled the number Giles had written at the bottom of the letter.

"Hello?"

"Giles?"

"Xander! How are you? I was worried sick here. Dawn called me yesterday, but she didn't have much to say." The watcher's voice was filled with concern.

"I'm feeling a little... better. Just, sore... I guess."

"You seem to have trouble talking..."

"Oh, it's not as... bad as it was."

"Well, I'm glad to hear from you."

"Not as glad as I am. We miss you here... G-man."

"You haven't change a bit. It's good. And I miss all of you too."

"Why aren't you coming back then?"

"I... I can't. Xander, it's not... that I don't want to, but... I just can't."

"Why? I just don't... understand why? Is it Buffy?"

"Yes, actually yes it's her." The watcher seemed annoyed and incredibly tired. Xander could even imagine him cleaning his glasses right then. "I can't go back, she doesn't need me and..."

"Doesn't need you? Are you stupid? Look G-man... I think you need... new glasses."

"What are you talking about?"

"She's completely... drowning. She needs someone... to put her back on track. And we can't do that. You're the one she trusts the most in her life. She needs you!"

"Xander..."

"No Giles. Don't argue. Just... get your ass back here." He coughed. "That hurts..."

"Are you quite right?" Giles seemed concerned.

"Yes, but I think... I should go now." Xander felt like his voice was leaving him.

"Yes. Well, I'll think about it. Just rest and take care of yourself."

"I'll do that. You, don't think too much. Just follow your heart G-man."

"Sure Xander. Take care."

"Bye."

Xander put the phone back on the cradle with the feeling that he had done something right. //He didn't even ask me not to call him G-man. I'm sure he'll come back and everything will be all right, like when he was here.//

He looked at the ceiling and began to think about the way Spike was acting. //He is weird. I mean, one minute he's all 'I'm gonna kill ya when that bloody chip's gone' then he saves me and takes care of me. He's even better at this than my own parents. They never bothered to make sure I was comfortable... And his eyes are so beautiful...//

He opened his eyes suddenly, shocked by his thoughts. //What? No, no, his eyes are NOT beautiful, that's not what I meant... Oh, who am I kidding? // He closed his eyes again. //Just face it Xander, he HAS beautiful eyes. So blue and... penetrating. They look human... almost.//

*****
Part 5:

Xander stayed awaked for most of the day. About an hour after his phone call to Giles, Willow came in to visit and she filled him in on the latest news.

"Tara and I are going out this Saturday. We're not officially back together, but it's a start. I don't want to blow it this time. I'll be the perfect girlfriend, no magic, no playing with minds. I love her so much."

"I'm proud of you Willow."

"Thanks Xan... I'm proud of you too... Even if you do make life changing choices at the last minute. We'll work it out, don't you think? We did make some terrible mistakes, but we'll work it through. Right?"

"I'm sure we will. You've already started, which is good. Now it's my turn."

"First thing I think you need to do is talk to Anya. She just disappeared after... well you know."

"You can say it Will. After I left her at the altar on what was supposed to be the most beautiful day of my life, but will be remembered as the day I screwed up the most, *and* ended up being beaten almost to death by a big orange horned demon with my saviour being a chipped evil undead vampire." He stopped, trying to catch his breath.

"Wow! That about sums it up."

"Yeah. By the way, do you know why Spike comes here every night? It's not like we're best buds or anything. In fact, we kind of share a mutual hatred." //Right? //

Willow shifted uneasily on the chair.

"I... I... I don't know. We thought that... He won't tell us why."

"Will, you know you're not good at lying. Tell me the truth, now."

"Xander... I don't think I should be the one to tell you. Ask him."

"I did and he said he didn't know why."

"Well, maybe it's because he really doesn't know why." She seemed sincere, //but I'm sure she's hiding something.//

"You believe that? I mean, why would Spike, of all people, do something when he doesn't know why ? Don't you think it's a bit out of character? We're talking about Spike here!"

"I know. He does seem to be acting out of character but I really don't know why he's doing this." She said, looking away.

"Willow, look, I know you and I know you're hiding something from me, why don't you just tell me and be done with it?"

She looked at him and sighed.

"Ok... But don't freak out ok?"

"Why would I freak?"

"Well... The demon that attacked you, it's... it's a demon for hire... people pay it to kill."

"A killer demon? Wait a minute, that means someone wants me dead, doesn't it?"

"You could say that. We're trying to find out who it is, but we... the only one that comes to mind is..."

"Anya! You think she's back on vengeance ground?"

"We don't think, Xan', we know."

"What?"

"Halfrek, you remember her?" He nodded, how can he forget. "Well, she came to us the day after the wedding to tell us that D'Hoffryn had offered to give Anya her job back. And that she had accepted."

"Why would Halfrek come and tell you?"

"Well, she heard about the demon attack and she said that no matter what you did to Anya, you were still a good guy and she didn't want anything to happen to you."

Willow looked at her friend. //A bit late for that.//

"So, Anya sent that demon after me and Spike killed it, making my ex-fiancée royally pissed, and now the peroxide menace thinks he needs to protect me? Did I get that right?"

"Kind of. We don't know how pissed she is, we don't know if she wanted to kill you or just hurt you..." //God make it the latter. // "...we don't know how to contact her and we don't really know why Spike keeps coming back as soon as the sun sets."

Xander looked in her eyes. //Are you sure about that? //

"Stop looking at me like that. I swear he never told me. I might have some idea, but I don't know the true reason." //Idea? //

"I don't care. Just tell me what you think."

Willow looked at him, then shook her head.

"All right. He seems to care a lot for you. You know, like he likes you."

"Like me? You're aware it's Spike you're talking about, right?"

"Yes." She sighed. "Xander, face it. He's there for you and he takes care of you, what more do you need to prove to you that he cares?" //Nothing, I know that he cares, it's just...// Xander pushed that thought aside.

"He's a vampire, he's not suppose to care."

"He's not like any other vampire. He's different. I talked a lot about it with Buffy and Tara. He can love and everything. He's like an anomaly among other vampires, he has feelings most of them don't. He cares for all of us. It's like he's our black knight."

//Black knight... That fits him well. // Xander closed his eyes and thought about how Spike had looked at him that morning or the night before. //He looked concerned and worried. About *me*. A vampire concerned about a human. Well, I doubt he's very welcome in the vampire community. //

"I think you're right Will."

"I... He likes you a lot you know. Despite all the comments and insults. The first night, he held your hand all night and he kept begging you to wake up." //*What??// "That was when he thought I wasn't looking. When he realised I was there, he let go of your hand and insulted you." She laughed lightly. Xander turned to look at her. Her eyes were full of tears.

"Why are you crying?"

"That night, we all thought that... you... that you were..." She stopped, sobbing.

"Oh, Will. Please, don't cry. I'm fine, everything will be ok, including me." She looked at him and smiled, drying the tears. She took him in her arms and placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Thanks to Spike."

"Yeah, big thanks to the Big Bad." He smiled and she let go of him.

"I have to go. I have a class in an hour. Take care, ok?"

"I promise I won't move." She laughed and said goodbye.

*****
Part 6:

Shortly after Willow left, his parents arrived. They talked to the doctor, who told them approximately the same thing he'd told Spike that morning. When he told them that someone should stay with Xander when he eventually went home, they started arguing about who should stay and finally realised neither of them wanted to. They told the doctor that they couldn't, but that they'd make sure someone was there. //You can't my ass. You just don't want to. You've never wanted to stay with me anyhow. Like I care...//

Finally, they left and Xander was alone with the doctor once again.

"How are you feeling today Alexander?"

"Much better doctor. My throat doesn't ache anymore and I can talk normally."

"That's good. You should be able to leave tomorrow evening. I'm just going to run some tests to make sure everything is healing properly and the results should be in tomorrow morning. After that, you'll have to get one of your friends to take care of you at home. I don't want you to be alone for at least the next week or so. Do you understand, young man ?"

"Yes, doc, I'll make sure to have my private nurse." Xander smiled and the doctor did the same.

"Well, you can ask your friend Spike if he wants to help. I'm sure he'll be glad you asked him."

"Yeah, I'll think about it." He sighed realising something. "By the way doc, I don't know your name."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Victor Philipps. You can call me Doctor Vic if you like, most of my patients do."

"Doctor Vic. Hey that sounds good." Doctor Philipps laughed lightly.

"Well, thanks."

The doctor stayed a bit longer, running his tests and left around noon. Xander felt incredibly tired, but his stomach wouldn't let him sleep. Finally, he rang for a nurse and she brought him a sandwich and some jello, which he ate eagerly. He then tried to make himself more comfortable, but the pain in his shoulders made it difficult. He stayed on his back looking at the ceiling, while the pain subsided. After some time, his eyes closed and he fell asleep.

When he woke up, night had come and Spike was in the chair, his eyes closed. //Is he asleep? You can never tell with a vampire. Damn that non-breathing thing. //

Xander tried to turn on his side, to have a better look at the vampire. "Ahhh." //It still hurts like hell! // Looking at Spike, Xander realised that he hadn't moved. //If he were awake, he'd be helping me right now so he must be sleeping. He seems peaceful, almost harmless like this.// The sleeping vampire had his arms wrapped around his chest and his legs on the arm of the chair. //Nothing like an evil undead killer. I wonder if vampires dream? If so, what do they dream about? Killing, scaring people? Probably. That's what they do for an unliving, isn't it? //

He smiled lightly and looked warmly at Spike. //He does look kinda nice when he's asleep. His face is all relaxed and beautiful... What? Oh God, Xanman, I think you need help. //

He closed his eyes and turned his head away from Spike. //I already admitted that he had beautiful eyes, so why not a beautiful face too? You can't really take the eyes away from the rest of the face... Oh Xan, do as Willow said, face it! He is a handsome man... vampire, a handsome vampire, Xan, *vampire*. Don't ever forget that. Well, he looks nice for a vampire. He has those amazing cheekbones and that scar on his eyebrow, that looks so sexy. // Xander swallowed. //I can't believe I'm actually thinking that! He's a guy for God's sake! //

He opened his eyes and looked at the vampire again. Xander warmed immediately at the sight. //He takes good care of me and nobody even asked him to. It's the first time something like this has happened to me. My parents never bothered to make sure I was alright and even Anya had to be reminded to look out for me. // He smiled at the sleeping form. //I just hope he isn't playing with my feelings, 'cause that would just be the worst. I think I'm starting to like him... a lot. //

*****