Part 24:

Xander looked at the closed door, his hand still in Spike's. He turned around and looked at the vampire smiling shyly and tiredly. He leaned his head on Spike's shoulder and closed his eyes, sighing.

"Feels so good here." He whispered yawning.

Spike let go of his lover's hand and wrapped his arms around him. "Red accepted this a little too fast, didn't she?" He asked calmly.

"Yeah." Xander replied. "Don't worry though. She hasn't accepted it yet. When she'll realise it's not a dream, she'll be back here screaming and kicking." The boy yawned.

"Just hope she doesn't go all witchy." Spike added.

Xander laughed lightly, but was interrupted by another yawn.

"You're tired love. Should get in bed now." Spike said sweetly.

"But..."

"No buts Xan. Doc told me to take care o' ya, I gonna take care o' ya." The vampire said firmly. "Now, in bed love." He repeated, untangling himself from Xander's embrace and stepping up. He helped Xander get up and brought him over to the bedroom.

"I need to take a shower..." Xander muttered sleepily.

"Ohhh, you're right love... need to clean these wounds and all that." Spike continued. He helped Xander to sit down on the bed and quickly undressed him, making sure not to touch the wounds on the boy's shoulders.

"How do ya feel Xan? Apart from tired that is... the wounds still hurt?"

Xander looked up at him and smiled. "I feel ok... Pain's still sharp, but... it's ok." He gently caressed Spike's cheek. "Thanks for caring."

Spike leaned in and kissed the boy tenderly. "My pleasure." He whispered hoarsely in Xander's ear.

Xander's breath caught in his throat. He looked into Spike's eyes. What he saw there made his heart melt and scared him at the same time. //How can the Big Bad change so much? Just 'cause he loves me?// He shook his head lightly. //I'm really falling in love with this male-vampire... How scary's that?// He took Spike's hands in his and brought them to his naked chest.

Spike could feel Xander's heartbeat and the heat emanating from him. He started breathing heavily. //Mine!!// His mind screamed. He shook his head trying to ease his demon. //Can't make him mine yet... He's not strong enough.// "Gotta start that shower love." He said breaking the moment reluctantly. "Or you'll fall asleep before you even get in the bathroom."

Xander smiled and nodded. He screamed in surprise as he felt himself being lifted by the vampire's strong arms. "Hey! What're you doing? I can walk you know?"

Spike chuckled. "I know just wanted to wake you up a bit... hehe, it worked." He lowered Xander in the shower and started the water. He washed the wounds carefully, making sure they were healing normally. "They're almost healed love... see, told ya my spit would help." He said proudly.

Xander smiled and finished showering. Back in the bedroom, Spike helped Xander put on his pyjama. Xander got himself under the covers, Spike following quickly.

"No naughty fun tonight love... you had a long day... and have a long one tomorrow... just get some sleep." Spike said, rubbing Xander's back.

Xander yawned again. "Ok... don't think I'd be up to it anyway..." He added, making Spike chuckle.

The vampire massaged Xander's back a little bit more, letting the boy relax. When he felt him slowly drifting off to sleep, he gathered the young man in his arms and listened as his heartbeat slowed down. Just before drifting off to sleep, he whispered. "You're gonna be mine love... gonna claim you, make you my mate... never gonna let you go... you're mine."

"WHAT???" Xander screamed, suddenly totally awake and sitting up in bed.

Spike was shocked. "Huh... huh.. mmmm...."

"What do you mean I'm YOURS?????" Xander yelled at the vampire's face. "I'm nobody's you hear me???? I only belong to myself!!"

Spike looked at Xander, bewildered. "I'm sorry..."

//So that's what it was? A stupid fucking plan to get me into his... well, my... bed?? Dammit! I should've known! That's all everybody fucking wants from me!//

"Your sorrys won't work, you've only been taking care of me so you could own me! I'm not a fucking toy... Get out of here! I'm not going to let you make me your fuck toy!! Now take your things and GET. OUT. OF. HERE.!" Xander yelled, getting on his feet and throwing the vampire's clothes towards the door. It hurt but damn if he was gonna let it show.

//I can't believe this!! And I let myself fall in love!! Can't I ever just find someone who loves me just like this and not as a toy?? I want to be myself, not someone's else... fucking butt monkey! I was that for Anya, and Cordelia and even Faith...// "I got enough of that crap! Now get out!"

Spike felt tears come to his eyes. Everything was perfect just a few minutes before... how could he have been so stupid? //Never let yourself fall in love... s'what you said after Dru and the stupid slayer... and look where it gets you! Just get the hell away from him and all his bloody stupid friends.// He said to himself, as he got up and put on his pants and shirt. "Sure... if that's what you want... Just don't ask me to bloody come back when you'll realise you were wrong pet... cause I won't! I'm gone... you won't see me anymore... that what you want?" Not even waiting for an answer, he walked to the front door and opened it.

He went out and just before closing the door, he added. "That what you get, pet." And he slammed the door, leaving a bewildered, angry and crying Xander being.

*****
Part 25:

*** Xander's POV

Xander heard the slamming door but the sound didn't register in his head. //Why?// "Why?" His voice echoed in the empty room. "Why can't anyone love me without wanting to own me?" He sobbed, curled into a ball, on the floor. "Why did I let myself fall in love?" //What a fool I was. Everytime, it's always the same. Cordelia used me, Faith... even Anya. And now... him. Stupid Xander... to even think he'd care for you.//

The sun was coming up on the horizon when the tears finally stopped. Exhausted, Xander dragged himself to the bed and curled into a ball, hugging himself tightly. He was in pain, but he didn't care. He fell into a restless sleep.

*** dream...

"Face it Xander!" Willow said fiercely.

"He cares."

"He's not like other vampires."

"You were right Wills..."

"I won't come back." Spike's angry face, not even looking at him.

*Bang* (the door slamming)

"S'what you get!"

*Bang*

***

"Ahhh! Stop!" Xander yelled as he woke up suddenly, panting. He sat straight up in his bed and screamed in pain. "Fuck! That hurts!"

He felt so sore and stiff. "Dammit!" He tried to get up and screamed once more. Finally, he gave up and laid back down on the bed, staring at the ceiling. Tears were streaming down his face. "It hurts so bad." He whispered hoarsely. His eyes swollen and red, his wounds reopened and hurting, Xander looked a lot like he did more than a week ago. Though this time, there were no bleached vampire that would come and save him.

"Why?" He screamed in the empty room, tears flooding. //Couldn't I just talk to him? Instead of yelling and pushing him away? I hurt. Everything hurts. I need him.// The young man was now wide awake, but the sound of the door slamming still lingered in his ears. Memories, woken up by his dream, filled his mind.

(("You're a worthless piece of shit! Should've killed you when you were first born! Stupid kid, will you ever learn?" Mr Harris brought his belt down on his son's back, harder and harder with each blow. "You know why your mom and I don't love you? Because no one can love you! You're useless! You're not worth being loved." Xander moaned in pain, the words hitting him with more force than the blows. "No one will ever love you." The man's laughter echoed in the young boy's room.))

(("Xander, you're the, the *useless* part of the group. You're the Zeppo. 'Cool.' Look it up. It's something that a sub-literate that's repeated twelfth grade three times has, and you don't."))

(("You leave and now expect us to welcome you back? You're really stupid!" Mr Harris laughed loudly. Xander whimpered, he should never have come back. Mr Harris undid his belt and pushed his son down the stairs. "Here! That'll have to do for you. We threw away most of your junk. That's all you have left. Not like anyone cares is it?" Xander was now bare backed, bent over the couch. The first blow hit, but at least his dad was now silent.))

(("You're 'crying'? Hey, Jessica!" Mr Harris drew his wife's attention. "Told you your son was a queer! He's been 'crying'!" He said in a mocking tone.

"Shut up! My best friend just died! And who invited you in here anyway?" Xander growled. He wanted to be left alone.

"Oooh! And you talk to me like that? You fucking son of a bitch! If we were home... But no, you think you're too good for us! No one will ever want to be with you. You know that son. No one will ever love you, or care about you. You're just a fucking faggot." The door slammed behind the yelling man.))

(("S'what you get!"

*Bang*))

And Xander cried. For hours he cried. His sobbing form wrapped in his warm blanket. He had really thought... Had he thought at all while Spike was there? No he hadn't... but still, there was hope that maybe, just maybe, Spike would have proven his father wrong.

Spike hadn't been around long, but still it felt like Xander had lost something important. Probably the most important thing he had ever had. His chance to really be loved for what he was. But even that had been unreal. Like his father had said so often, he could never be loved.

Slowly, as pain and exhaustion took over, the sobs subsided and Xander slept. Without dreams this time.

***Spike's POV

Spike was pacing around in his crypt. He had been running around town all night, up until the first rays of sunshine had forced him to find shelter. He wanted nothing more than to be with Xander. But the human had pushed him away. And Spike wasn't one to go back crawling on his knees and pleading.

//Bloody idiot I am. Never should've said a thing. Could have had him like he was. S'what I want anyway. Don't want a pet. Just wanna care for him, keep him safe.// Spike shook his head. //S'why I lost him. Keeping him safe means claiming him.// He laughed bitterly. //Never gonna get him back. He'll never want me. Not like he really did before. He just put up with me cause I was taking care o' him.//

The vampire sank on his bed, staring at the ceiling, just like Xander was at the same moment. //Miss him. Wanna know how he is. Ya think he cleans his wounds? Maybe he forgot his pills and he hurts.// Spike shook his head. //What a poof I've become. He bloody owns my thoughts. Wanna know if he's gonna be ok.// Spike lit up his cigarette. //Why 's it I'm acting like this? Never thought I'd be feeling so... sad. M'a bloody vampire, shouldn't feel like this. Not fair.// Tears welled up in his eyes. //Can't think of anything except him... That's sad.//

Give me a reason
Why I'm feeling so blue
Every time I close my eyes
All I see is you
Give me a reason
Why I can't feel my heart
Every time you leave my side
I just fall apart
And when you're fast asleep
I wonder where you go
Can you tell me
I wanna know

"Miss you Xan." The vampire whispered just before he drifted to sleep.

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you
Nothing's wrong
I don't mean to carry on

*** Xander's POV (a few days later)

The atmosphere in the Magic Box was tense. Xander was sitting at the table, in pain from the inadequately cleaned wounds. He was doing everything he could, but he just couldn't make it hurt less than it did. //Not like Spike could.// Shaking his head at the thought, the young man tried to concentrate on what Buffy was saying.

The slayer's face was glowing with happiness, and even if they hadn't said anything yet, it was clear that something was going on between Giles and her. Xander couldn't help but smile at the thought. //These two are made for each other. The two halves of a whole. Not like me and...// He shook his head again, earning himself a raised eyebrow from Dawn, who was watching him closely, just as she was Spike.

//She knows...// Xander thought, as he was looking at her. She looked at Spike, then back at him, before shaking her head and looking back at her book. They were researching the latest baddie, some sort of green skinned demon with two red horns on its head. They didn't know yet if it was dangerous, but Buffy had seen one around in one of the cemeteries, so it was better to be prepared.

But give me a reason
Why I can't concentrate
The world is turning upside down
Spinning round and round

Xander tried to concentrate on his reading, but he just couldn't. He kept being distracted by Buffy's light laughter, and Willow's whispers as she leaned over to Tara's ear. He suddenly felt dizzy from all the happiness around him while he was hurting and took a deep breath. He closed his eyes tightly and when he opened them, the first thing he saw was a pair of beautiful, but sad blue eyes, looking at him, as if the owner of those eyes was worried. Something in Spike's eyes made Xander's heart jump. Their eyes locked for a minute and it seemed like the world had stopped.

Now give me a reason
Why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity
In everything surrounding me
You got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

//Maybe he misses me. Maybe... maybe he misses me like I do him.// Xander thought, just before breaking the eye contact and turning back to Willow, who was asking him a question.

*** Spike's POV

As their eyes separated, Spike felt a twinge of pain in his undead heart. //So hard it is to be around him like that. With the witches always touching and the slayer and watcher looking at each other like that, wish I could hold him.//

It's a hard life and most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In a world where sincerity has lost it's meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

//He's the best of 'em all I'd say. Even the nibblet knows. He has nothing special, not like all of them have. He's the only helpless human here... the only one worthy of being protected.// Spike shook his head, looking back in his book. //Not like he'd let anyone protect him though, he's too proud.// He sighed internally. //Miss him, want to wash him again, to make him feel things he'd never felt before, to tuck him under the covers, to touch his soft skin, to... STOP that! Bloody pillock you are!// Spike yelled in his head.

You know I miss you
This is all I wanna do
I know it doesn't sound so cool
But
Maybe I'm in love with you

//Fallen in love I have. And hard at that. But damned if I'm gonna admit it to any of them... or maybe that'll bring him back. Show him I won't ever hurt him. I won't ever want to hurt him. Will do anything for him, to keep him safe. He hurts, I know he does, I can smell the pain from here. Want to show everyone I can take care of a soddin' human. Wanna take care of him. Only him.//

You know I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you
Nothing's wrong
I don't mean to carry on

I just miss you

//Yeah. I do. I miss him.// "Bloody soddin' humans." Spike muttered under his breath, not loud enough for anyone to hear. //They grow on you and you can't ever keep 'em out, can you? Nah, would be too easy. To shut them out of your head.//

"I'm leaving." Xander said, closing his book and standing up, startling the vampire at the sound. "I can't concentrate. I just..." The human brushed his hand in his hair. "I think I should go home and try to sleep. I haven't..." Xander stopped suddenly.

//Haven't been sleeping well.// Spike thought, finishing the young man's sentence in his head. He watched, his eyes reflecting the sadness in his heart. //Don't go...// He pleaded inside. It was the only moment he could protect him really. When Xander was here, with them. But now he was gone.

Yeah it's true
I miss you baby
And when you're walking out that door
I know I miss you
You make me wanna ask for more
I just miss you

*****

Part 26

Spike stood up and reached for his duster. "I'll get going..."

"Spike?" Giles interrupted him. The vampire turned around and realised he wasn't the only one getting ready to go.

"Yeah." He replied, shrugging.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" The watcher asked, polishing his glasses.

Spike nodded once, eyeing him curiously. He watched as Buffy kissed the older man's cheek and they smiled warmly at each other. The vampire leaned on the counter, the young adults gathering their books and coats before waving good bye.

"What do you wanna talk about watcher?" Spike asked, trying to sound annoyed. The truth was, he needed to talk to someone, and the watcher seemed to be the one most likely to listen to him.

"Buffy... and Xander." Giles said calmly, watching the vampire's reaction closely. "Mostly Xander."

Spike jumped lightly, his eyes reflecting a pain he shouldn't feel. He shrugged, looking down. "What about them?" He asked, trying to ask nonchalant, but his voice faltered audibly.

"Buffy and I talked." Giles began, holding his hand up to silence Spike when he would have interrupted. "I know what you are about to say. Yes, something is happening between us, but I'm not ready to talk about it and neither is she. Especially to you." He added, glaring at the vampire. "We talked about what happened between you and her."

"Nothing happened." Spike muttered. Giles kept on glaring at him. "All right." Spike said, giving up. "We had bloody violent sex, destroyed a house and burned out my crypt, but that's not what I meant. 'Nothing' happened. We didn't declare eternal love, and we don't feel like we're missing anything... related to that anyway." He finished, muttering.

Giles looked searchingly at the vampire, making Spike uncomfortable. He smirked. "Not gonna try to take her away from you if that's what you're afraid of. Been thinking and the conclusion I came to is that you belong together. You and that slayer that is. You're a team. The slayer's gonna live longer, cause she's got you. The only reason I'm here is cause of the family you built around her. Would've killed her in the first week I was here if she'd been alone." He stopped, as he realised he was babbling. //Look at yourself... William the Bloody, babbling.//

"You're right." Giles replied, smiling lightly. "And I am wholly glad you are here for it means I had the chance of meeting you. You might be quite annoying at times, but you are an interesting... vampire. And I... well, I am glad to have you here with us. Evil demon that you are. You do know you are a part of that family you talked about, don't you?" Giles finished, smirking.

Spike kept looking at the floor, the watcher's last words slowly sinking into his mind. For a moment, they stayed silent, contemplating the meaning behind the words. Giles finally took a deep breath and lauched into what he really wanted to talk about.

"Spike?" The vampire looked up, suddenly scared of what the watcher was going to ask. "What happened between you and Xander? You two seemed to get along very well, better than well... But then..." Giles trailed off, looking at the vampire.

"Then nothing watcher." Spike whispered looking down. //Should tell him, he'd understand... could calm Xander down and lemme take care of him...//

"Spike." Giles said calmly. "This is hurting the both of you and it affects the group as well. What happened?" He asked, even more gently.

For a moment, everything was silent. Spike was debating with himself. //He wouldn't understand. He's a fucking watcher you twat!// He yelled to himself. //Might be a watcher, but that's exactly why he'd understand what you really want... just tell him. S'not a pet or a mate you want is it?//

"Wanna claim him." The muffled reply drifted to Giles' ears. "Me and my big mouth, I went and told him and it scared him. He yelled, I slammed the door. That's all." Spike looked up at Giles' shocked face. "Don't worry watcher. Don't want a pet or a mate. Don't wanna hurt him, or own him. Just wanna protect him." Giles looked quizzically at Spike and as realisation hit him, he brought his eyes up to the vampire's.

"Dear God! Spike this, this is not a small thing to do... or ask for that matter!"

"I know." Spike said honestly. He really knew and hoped Giles could understand. If any of them could, it would be him. "Wish... wish I could love him like he really deserves, without having to claim him. That's what he's scared of, belonging to me. Love him so much watcher... dunno what to do."

"You love... you love him." Giles whispered in shock, his mouth wide open.

"Never loved anyone as much as I do him. Never wanted to claim a human. But my demon urges me to."

Giles shook himself out of his stupor. "But... in a way, won't it be you that will belong to him? Isn't it the vampire that belongs to the human he claims? Your love for him makes you claim him so he is safe from other vampires. And by claiming him, he becomes your heart and your soul. The demon will be tamed because of the human he claims. By making Xander yours, you're giving up a part of your very nature for him. You'll stop wanting to kill and you'll die with him. That's how far claiming goes." He added for himself, still trying to process the fact that Spike was in love with Xander. Everything was happening so fast.

"S'the perfect way to show him I love him innit watcher?"

Giles looked at Spike, stunned. He nodded, still in a haze from the revelation. "Why do you think so few vampires ever claim a human? This isn't a pet or a mate. It's a bonded one. He'll be bound to you body and soul." He emphasized on the last few words. "So few vampires are worthy of a bonded one."

Spike had known all this before, but to hear someone else saying it, it made the idea even more... beautiful. He looked up at Giles. "Would you let me claim one of your kids watcher?" //If he doesn't, I'll just leave. Go to bloody Africa or something, far from them.//

Giles sank into a chair and rubbed his eyes, waving at Spike to sit next to him. He put his glasses back and locked eyes with Spike. "If you really want to claim him as a bonded, that means you really love him. As I already said, few vampires are worthy of a bonded one. You. Are. And you claiming Xander would mean he'd be safe for the rest of his life. If you really are willing to sacrifice a part of your very nature and your eternity for him, then yes, I'll let you claim my son."

Spike was stunned. //He said I'm worthy.// He thought in wonder. //His son, huh? Bloody good father he is. To all of them. 'cept the slayer. That'd be just wrong wouldn't it?// "Thank you."

Giles smiled lightly, but warningly. "Love him Spike, love him with all your being, but don't force him. Never force him."

"I won't watcher. I'll never hurt him."

"If he doesn't want to be claimed, leave it."

"I... I will watcher."

Part 27

*** Xander's POV

Xander opened the door to his apartment, and stepped inside. He needed to know. After having seen the look in Spike's eyes at the Magic Box, he really needed to know. His resolve face on, he retrieved the card Cordy had left the last time she had been in Sunnydale almost two years ago. He would get answers to his questions, even if it meant he had to call the one person he had hoped never to talk to ever again.

He quickly dialed the number and stood nervously, staring straight in front of him. A girl answered.

"Angel Investigation, we help the hopeless."

"Oh, mmm Hi." Xander said nervously. "Is Angel there?"

"Yes, hold on a second. Who's calling?"

"Xander."

The young man waited for a minute before Angel picked up the phone.

"Xander." The vampire seemed worried. "Something wrong?"

"You know I hate you and all, but I have a question to ask you." Xander blurted out, not even answering Angel's question. He was afraid he might lose his nerve.

"You can't ask Giles?" Angel seemed annoyed.

"No, 'cause... I just can't. It's... I think you'd call it a family problem."

"Family? What has Spike done now?" Angel growled.

"Nothing!" Xander said hastily. "Spike didn't do anything... it's just... I'm curious. That's all. What is claiming?"

"Claiming?" Angel replied surprised. "Why do you want to know about that?"

"It's just, I read it somewhere and..."

"Xander, I know you're lying to me. First you say it's a family problem, now you read it 'somewhere'. Stop lying. Either you tell me or you don't, your choice."

Xander sighed. "All right... it's Spike. He said he wanted to claim me."

"Oooh." Angel was shocked. //Spike? Claiming Xander?// "That's why it's a family problem then." He muttered then raised his voice. "You really want to know what it means?"

"Yes. Please... I need to understand what he means by it."

"Well, it all depends on what sort of claiming he has in mind." Angel began.

"There's more than one?" Xander asked curious.

"Yes. Three of them. A master vampire can claim as either a pet, a mate or a bonded."

"Oooh, and what is the difference?"

"A pet is basically a... a... a sex slave. The mate is more of a companion, but still mostly... sex based. As for the bonded, this one is different."

"Really? Spill."

Angel thought for a second, trying to remember if he'd heard of a bonded vampire in his years.

"Spill." Xander repeated.

"Well, to claim a human as a bonded is to make him an equal to the vampire."

"An equal?" Xander felt like a parrot, but he had to ask.

"Yes. The human gets to live longer, and the vampire gives up a part of his very nature, which he never does for either a pet or a mate. A pet lives for about a year... Mates until they can't satisfy the vampire anymore. But the bonded, they live longer than the human body should allow. The vampire and the human become bonded body and soul. In fact, the demon would be tamed like mine in a way. The vampire gives up his killing habits and urges, just to be with the human he has claimed. This is never done without love. And that's probably the reason why so few vampires bonded with humans. The vampire really needs to feel strongly for the human, because when the human dies, so does the vampire."

"You mean the vampire would give up both his bite and his eternity?? Wow."

"Yeah, practically unheard of. I can remember Spike wanting to claim you as a pet when... well when I lost my soul. But he's changed since then. Don't think he'd do it."

"Maybe it's as a mate then. How can I find out?"

"Depends on how he's treated you in the last weeks. If he has ignored you most of the time and just came up with that idea, then it's gonna be as a pet. If he talked to you, laughed with you and hung out with you, then it's probably as a mate."

Xander gulped. "What if it's all the things for a mate but... more?"

"More?"

"Well, I was hurt, in a fight against a stupid demon, got stabbed in both shoulders. That was a little over a week ago. Spike... He found me and took me to the hospital. He watched over me every night. He's the one that brought me home and he took care of me. Cleaning the wounds and doing all the things I couldn't do. He even cleaned the apartment."

//Spike?? That just can't be.// "You said he cleaned the wounds... did he lick them?"

"None of your business Deadboy." Xander replied suddenly feeling angry.

"I'll take that as a yes." //I just can't believe this. I never thought Spike of all vampires would...//

Xander growled, then suddenly stopped as a thought crept into his mind. "This is more than mating isn't it?"

Angel thought for a second. "Probably. But this is Spike, he could only be messing around with you."

"Oh." Xander seemed disappointed.

"Do you love him?"

"What??" Xander was shocked.

"Do you love him?" Angel repeated calmly.

"I heard that. I... I think I do. And please don't say anything about it."

Angel struggled to not scold the human. "I won't. I think, maybe you should know what to expect of the claiming, so you can... anticipate Spike somehow."

"Yeah, that's an idea." Xander couldn't believe how easy it was to talk to Angel. It was like talking to his big brother. Except he had no big brother.

"For a pet, it'd start by denying sexual pleasure until the human is almost in pain from it. Then the vampire drinks a small amount of blood and lets the human... cum just as he withdraws his fangs."

Xander shivered.

"For a mate, there's a part of denied pleasure, but not to the point of pain. The sex is also a bit less violent than for the pet. No pain, just a lot of teasing and begging. Again, the vampire will drink from the human, but he'll release the pleasure while he drinks and not after."

Angel stopped, contemplating what he was talking about. //With Xander! Of all people.// He shook his head, it wasn't as bad as he thought to talk to him.

"What about the bonded?" Xander asked, a little hastily.

"This one's different. The vampire will be much more forward about pleasuring the human. It's the sweetest love making. The romantic kind with a little twist. Since this is done totally willingly, just before his... his..."

"You can say it Deadboy, orgasm." Xander teased.

"Yeah, before his orgasm, the human bares his throat. The vampire cannot take if the human doesn't give. then the vampire will drink almost half of the human's blood before offering his own. That's how the bond is created."

"He'd almost kill me then?" Xander asked, realising too late how he'd asked the question.

"No, don't look at it this way, Xander. It's more like he'd be giving you life. A longer one. With his blood you wouldn't be a vampire, but you'd heal more quickly, so you wouldn't age as fast."

"Ooh. Wow. Well, that doesn't sound so bad." Xander whispered, but Angel heard.

"Xander? Be careful. And if he really wants you as a bonded, call me. There's something the Sire needs to do in order for a bonded to be accepted in the family. Spike might forget out of pride."

"What do you mean accepted?"

"If I don't do this little ritual, that means Drusilla, or any 'childe' of the line of Aurelius can kill you, hence Spike, without being stopped by the bond as other vampires would."

"Oh damn. And what is this ritual?" Xander could almost 'hear' Angel blush at the other side of the line. "Well, maybe I don't want to hear."

Angel laughed uneasily. "We could talk about it only if Spike really wants that... that way, we won't be too embarrassed."

"Yup, that's the best idea you ever had Deadboy."

"All right... mmmm, take care Xander, and um, don't forget to call me."

"You too take care, I won't forget." Xander found himself looking forward to that phone call, because of the implications of it. It would actually mean someone really loved him for himself. If Spike really wanted him as a bonded. He put the phone back on the cradle and got ready for bed. But anticipation and worry kept him awake for most of the night.

Part 28

*** Xander's POV

//Why do I always get paired with him? Ok. I love him. I know that now, but still. I've been thinking and thinking. And the conclusion I came to is... I still need to think.// Everything seemed so mixed up for Xander. He didn't know what he should do, how he should tell the vampire, what he could say. So he just waited. Waited for what? //I don't know. For a miracle I guess. A kick in the ass for both of us. I know he's watching me closely, making sure I'm not hurt more than I already was. It's probably why we're paired together. I noticed Giles looking at me strangely today. And yesterday too. You think he knows?//

"Bloody Hell! Xan! Get out of the way!" Spike yelled before throwing himself on Xander and getting him out of reach from the demon's blow.

"Fucking hell Spike!" Xander yelled in pain as he hit the ground hard. The young man looked up in time to see a big green skinned demon looking at them, with a sort of axe in his hands. Panting heavily from pain and fear he leaned up on his elbow wincing and looked down at the vampire laying across his lower body.

"Spike?" He asked carefully. The vampire groaned in pain. "Are you..." Another groan caught Xander's attention, louder and coming from above this time. The brunette looked up in fear. Fear of the demon? Or fear for Spike? //Please, be ok Spike. Can't lose you now. But damn, if you don't move, we'll both lose.//

Suddenly, Xander heard running footsteps getting closer by the second. "Xander!" Buffy yelled when she saw them on the ground. Quickly she dispatched the demon and knelt beside Xander. "Are you all right? Is he all right?" She asked quickly, clearly worried. //For both of us? Ok, the Buffster talked with Giles, that's for sure.//

"I'm ok. He threw me to the ground and it hurt like hell but I'm ok. He fell on top of me, hasn't moved since. But he hasn't turned to dust. That's a good thing right?" //Please, make it a good thing.//

"Yes." Giles said out of no where. "He's probably in healing slumber."

"What that?" Xander asked, curious.

"Sometimes, when vampires are badly hurt, they fall into a relaxation stage. It habitually doesn't last too long. He should be come to quickly. Vampires are still mostly aware of what is going on and I do believe if he thought you in any danger, he would have willed himself out of his haze, fortunately Buffy arrived in time." The watcher smiled warmly at the young woman, who blushed, looking down.

"That you did slayer." Spike muttered, slowly lifting his head from Xander's stomach. "Sorry about that luv." He whispered the sweet name, looking into Xander's eyes. The young man blushed and shook his head.

"No problem fangless. You kinda saved my life... again." He smiled warmly.

"S'nothing." Spike replied, standing up, wavering on his feet.

Xander got up carefully then held the vampire until the blond was steady. Buffy and Giles exchanged a knowing glance and nodded.

"We'll get going, we have to meet with the others. Will you both be all right?"

"Yeah." Xander replied. "I'll make sure Fangless gets back safely, don't worry."

Giles nodded and followed Buffy out of the cemetery.

"You can go whelp, I can get to the crypt by myself." Spike said, his tone icy.

Xander shivered. //He's not ok. He wouldn't be so cold if he were.// He looked down, finally realising he was covered in blood. Spike's blood. "Spike, you've lost a lot of blood." He stated, trying to hold on his nausea.

The vampire looked down a the wound on his chest, it was still pretty raw looking but the short slumber he'd been in had already helped to heal most of it. It would be closed by the time he got to his crypt. The scar would be completely gone by morning.

Xander followed the vampire's gaze. "Oh God. Hold on." He reached for his shirt, which was ruined by the blood, and applied it gently to the vampire's wound. "There. It'll help with the bleeding."

"Thanks luv." Spike whispered.

In silence, they made their way to the crypt, Xander passing his arms around the vampire's smaller frame. //Maybe that's the kick in the ass I was waiting for.// Xander thought, as he realised Spike was leaning against him, still careful of Xander's wounds, but leaning in nonetheless. It felt so good to have him there. //God how I wish I could just kiss him now. I was so scared there for a second. But he's all right, he'll be back to his old self in no time.// Xander breathed deeply, trying to ease the fear that was still lingering.

Too soon, they stopped at the crypt door.

"Are you going to be all right now?" The young man asked, worried.

"Yeah." Spike replied, taking the shirt off his chest. "See?" He asked, pointing at the now old looking scar. "Almost gone. Have to eat, then I'll be good. You can go home now." He finished, trying to sound cold, but his voice faltered.

//He's healing so fast!// Xander thought in wonder before nodding. "Ok then, I'll... I'll get going now." He said, awkwardly turning around to walk back home.

Spike turned around, facing the crypt's door. "I miss you Xan." He whispered, his head bowed.

//He miss... he misses me.// Xander thought in wonder. Spike started to turn the handle, stepping inside.

"Wait!" Xander yelled. The vampire stopped. Not thinking, not letting any thought or fear stop him, Xander followed his heart: he ran to the vampire's side, pulling him in for a searing kiss.

For what seemed like hours they kissed, all their frustrations, anger, pain, hurt and longing reflected in the intensity of the kiss, their tongues duelling, fighting and claiming the other's mouth for their own.

Xander couldn't breathe anymore, but it didn't matter. What mattered was the marvelous feeling of that cool mouth on his own, the taste of those beautiful lips. //God! How I missed this!//

Spike could feel that the young man was out of breath. He reluctantly pulled away.

"What?" Xander moaned as he felt the lips leave him.

"Breathe pet, breathe."

"Don't want to." The young man said, leaning in and pressing his lips on Spike's again. They kissed tenderly this time, taking their time to map out the other's mouth.

"You taste so good Xan. Never thought I could miss anything like I missed your taste." Spike spoke softly, as he caressed Xander's cheek with the back of his hand.

The boy blushed at the vampire's words. //How could I ever think this man... vampire, would hurt me. He never could. He saved me today. Again. And in more ways than he thinks.// He pulled Spike in his arms and hugged him tightly. His wounds still hurt but he didn't care. //It feels so good to have him here.// "Spike..." He started, whispering. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for yelling at you, for pushing you away. I... didn't know how much you meant to me. I miss you. Miss you so much. Can't live without you. My life is so empty when you're not there. Will you come back? Please come back with me. I can't let you go."

The vampire hugged the human back tightly. "You really want me to luv?" He whispered, needing to know, needing to hear Xander say it one more time. He felt so weak from the attack, he needed reassurance.

"Yes. I need you. I want you to come back with me. I... I missed you so much. I think... no! I know I'm in love with you." He finished, their eyes locked.

Spike hugged him even more tightly. "I love you too Xander." He whispered to the man in his arms, and that was enough.

Part 29

They walked inside the crypt and Spike shrugged his shirt off and retrieved a bag of blood from the fridge, he drank it cold in one big gulp before sitting on the couch.

Xander sat on the arm of the couch holding the vampire's hand. "I talked with Angel."

"What?" Spike roared in surprised.

"Wait. Let me finish." The vampire nodded. "I..." Xander looked down, knowing Spike was watching him closely. "I needed to know what that claiming business was about." He looked up into Spike's eyes. His voice hoarse with emotion, he asked. "Spike, you'd... you'd really want to bond with me?"

Spike looked down, then back at Xander. "Yes." He said in a heartfelt voice..

"But why? I'm only Xander, the Zeppo, the whelp. I'm not... special."

"You are." Spike replied forcefully. "To me you are bloody special. And I don't understand it, it happened so fast and yet, I just can't get you out of my head." He locked eyes with Xander's and the boy could see love, wonder, but also pain. "Love you so much it hurts Xan."

"I am special to you." Xander said with wonder in his voice. "You're special too, the most important person in my life. I don't want you to be sad. You... you seem unhappy."

"It's just... when I'm around you, I... I feel torn."

Xander got scared. "Torn?"

"I'm... vampires are bloody protective love, and right now, to me, you're breakable, too breakable, you need protection. Just look at what happened tonight." He finished, his voice barely above a whisper.

"The demon is urging you to claim me so I'll be protected?"

Spike nodded.

"But..." Xander trailed, trying to get Spike to continue.

"I can't. You don't want to and no matter how much bloody pain it costs me to restrain myself, not gonna force you, ever. Love you too much to force you. Not a mate or a pet I want, love. I want you. Like you are now, want only you."

Xander felt his heart melt. Nobody had ever loved him so much. He leaned in, gently kissing the vampire's lips. "I love you Spike. I can't... I'm not ready to belong to you... yet. But maybe, maybe one day." //Probably soon, because I love you so much.// "You really would give up all this for me? Your eternity, your bloodlust, your demon? Just for me."

"In a heartbeat." Spike whispered, looking directly into Xander's eyes.

"I don't... I don't deserve all this." Xander said in wonder.

"You deserve love Xan. I love you, I wanna give you everything I can." Spike replied, wrapping his arms around the human. "Don't feel bad about me love. I won't want to live when you'll die anyway. At least, if we're bonded, I get to have you longer."

"But I'll grow old and die anyway."

"Don't care. Want to be with you, s'all I want. But if you don't want to..."

"No. I want. I want to be with you so much. It's just, you do realise that not even a month ago I was getting ready to marry Anya and you were jumping Buffy right? In a little more than three weeks, I broke my fianc�e's heart, I've been stabbed, yelled at, realised the vampire I use to hate was a wonderful carer, fell in love with said 'very male' vampire, hence realised I am attracted to men, which is a BIG change, I had sex with you, and I yelled and you slammed the door. I even found time in all this to call 'Angel' of all people. You do realise this is a lot to take in right? And what you're asking right now it's a forever deal, there's no turning back. It's not like getting married where you can get a divorce. This is really forever. I left Anya because I felt I couldn't commit myself like that. I'm scared Spike. I'm known for making huge mistakes and I want to make sure this..." He waved at the both of them. "Is the real thing before taking it further. I love you, never doubt that, I'm just not sure of myself. And I 'want' to be sure, because this is almost too good to be true."

"What would it take to convince you pet? I love you, wanna show it to you, just tell me what I have to do."

"Make love to me." Xander whispered in Spike's ear.

Spike's eyes darkened. "You sure luv? Sure you're up to it?"

"I'm sure." Xander said forcefully. "As for being ready physically. you'll just have to be extra careful. But only if you feel up to it." Xander said, sitting on Spike's lap.

The vampire brought his lover's face closer and tenderly kissed him, wrapping his arms around Xander's chest, hugging him tightly. He released his hold a few minutes later, breaking the kiss. He looked around. "Not gonna do this here love."

Xander smiled, still panting from the kiss. "Not really the place for sweet loving huh?" Spike smiled and kissed his lover's warm lips once again.

"What about your place luv? Think you can make it?" The vampire whispered hoarsely as they broke the passionate kiss.

Xander nodded, getting on his feet quickly and dragging Spike with him. //First shower.// Xander thought looking down at himself, while walking with Spike's hand in his, back to his apartment. //Then...//

Part 30

End of flashback

*** Xander's POV

//That night had been the most beautiful night of my life until tonight. He loved me, showed me how tender and loving he could be. Tonight will be different. I made my decision, I'm going to give myself to him. Finally, I worked everything out. I don't want to go dying on him, I don't want to leave him, or hurt him. I want to be with him for the rest of my life. I love him. More than I ever loved anyone. I will belong to Spike, just like he'll belong to me.//

There he was, exactly two months after his screwed up wedding, Spike buried deep inside him in more ways than one. If anyone, on that morning two months ago, had told him he'd be there with Spike in his bed and Anya back to her previous self, Xander would have been rolling on the floor laughing at the joke. But it was no joke... That was where his love lay... Not in a tiny, orgasm obsessed blonde vengeance demon, but in this beautiful blue eyed master vampire.

"Ohh... harder Spike, harder..." The vampire complied and thrust harder and faster in his lover's tight hole, eliciting a deep moan from the human.

"Oh yeah... ya so tight love... it's so good..." Spike moaned loudly. The vampire reached between their bodies to stroke Xander's hard member, never slowing his thrusts.

"Oh yeah ! More... more..." Xander had never felt this complete before. Spike could raise such feelings in him. Everytime they made love was better than the last. He could never have enough of that cold body that matched his warm one so well.

Spike bended his head and took one of his lover's nipples in his mouth. Xander arched his back at the feeling, taking Spike deeper within him at the same time. He knew he was nearing his release. He reached out and pulled Spike's face to his own kissing him hard, pouring all the lust and love he felt for the vampire in that simple kiss. He then bared his neck and gently pushed Spike's head towards it. He knew it was the point of no return. //That's what I want. I'm not letting him go.// The vampire suddenly stopped thrusting and turned, panting, to look at Xander.

"Ya sure Love ?" His eyes where filled with love and lust, and also a little fear. They were both completely still, listening to each other's panting. //This is it.// Xander thought, before gently pressing his lips on the vampire's in a tender and chaste kiss.

"Yes, I'm sure, Spike... I love you. I want you. Forever." Their eyes were locked and neither of them spoke, there was no need for more words. Slowly, Spike started thrusting again, until he found back their previous pace, hard and fast. Xander closed his eyes and moaned deeply. He opened his eyes again and looked at his lover, his eyes filled with love and wonder. //How much I love him. He's so sweet and tender and such a wonderful lover.//

The cold lips kissed warm ones passionately before tracing a wet path along the jaw and the neck. Spike slowly kissed his way to the sensitive spot on Xander's neck. There he sucked on the skin, not enough to break it, but enough to mark it. He could feel the flow of blood underneath and it aroused him even more, impossible as it seemed. And Xander knew it.

"Oh... Spike... so good, so good..." Xander was lost in the sensation, his hands clutching Spike's back. He felt his lover's fangs slowly piercing his skin, trying not to hurt him. As the blood flooded from his body to Spike's, Xander felt whole.

The weakness caused by the blood loss was slowly starting to get to him, but the young man just moaned louder. It felt so good. Spike drank eagerly from his willing lover, but stopped, just as Xander was loosening his grip on the vampire's back.

"You ok luv?" Spike asked worried, as he looked at Xander's pale face. The young man nodded and opened his eyes wearily. "Don't stop now Blondie." He whispered, smiling tenderly.

Spike smiled back at his lover. He was still thrusting slowly and gently in the young man's hole, nothing would ever make him stop. With his fangs, he bit into his left wrist and offered it to Xander. This was the moment of truth. What would happen if he didn't drink the offered blood, Xander would never know, for without hesitation, he fastened his lips on the wound and sucked the blood. His blood, mixed with Spike's. It was the sweetest nectar. //I'm drinking blood! Shouldn't it be squicky?// Was his last thought before he surrendered to the taste and feeling that was sweeping through his body. All the wounds, bruises and cuts that still lingered on his body healed in a matter of seconds, leaving nothing but closed and old looking scars.

Xander opened his eyes and looked at Spike. The vampire's head was thrown back and he was moaning loudly, growling. Xander gave one last lick to the wound and pulled the vampire to himself, crushing their bloody mouths together. They licked the other clean of all blood, reveling in the knowledge that it was their blood that was now filling each other's body. Together they looked down at where their bodies were still joined and moaned. Spike thrust harder and faster, hitting Xander's prostate and sending the young man to the verge of ecstasy.

"Oh... I'm cumming... Oh yyyeeesss..." Xander's moans echoed in the room, as he felt his release hit him with a force he had never felt before.

The blood, the warmth of the young man's body, the tightness of his hole and the knowledge that they were now bound forever proved too much for the vampire and he growled his release in his lover's ears. "Oh Xan'... love you, love you, love you..." The vampire repeated as he slowly came down from the edge.

Panting needlessly, he collapsed on top of the human and slowly rolled over, pulling Xander on top of him. "Can never leave now. Either of us." He whispered in wonder. "Love you so much luv. Never gonna let you go."

Xander chuckled sleepily. "Not like you can is it? You're gonna have me around for a LONG time." His look turned serious. "I love you too fangless. And I won't ever leave you." He pledged, looking directly in his lover's eyes. Their lips fastened of their own will and slowly, tenderly they kissed. They poured every emotion into that kiss; lust, wonder, care, longing, trust and most of all, love. An eternal love, like the kind you only hear of in fairy tales.

Spike gently broke the kiss after what seemed like an eternity. He brushed his hand over Xander's cheek and smiled warmly. "Sleep now luv. I'll be here when you wake up."

Xander smiled back and nodded, laying his head on the vampire's chest. He closed his eyes. //Mustn't forget to call Deadboy tomorrow morning.// His last thought before sleep came.

THE END