Suddenly, Spike shifted in the chair. Xander turned his eyes away from him and looked at the ceiling.
"Hey Xan'."
"Hey Spike. Slept well?" He said, turning his eyes back on the vampire.
"Didn't mean to, but yeah. You?"
"Like a baby, thanks."
"Good. Wanna sit up?"
"Yeah, please."
"S'ok. S'why I'm here." He gently helped Xander to sit down and carefully placed the pillows behind him. When he turned to go back to the chair, Xander reached out and grabbed his arm. Spike turned around and looked at him curiously.
"I..." //What do I want to say again? Oh yeah... This is hard. // "I just... wanted to say thanks. For everything. For saving my life, for taking care of me... hell, you're better at it then my own parents you know?" //There, I said it. It's not so bad. //
Spike seemed speechless. With his free hand, he grabbed the one that was on his arm and took it between his two cold hands. He gently caressed it, lowering his eyes. //Why isn't he talking? Did I say something wrong? Oh, that feels good...//
"Er... Spike, you alright?"
The vampire slowly brought his eyes up, to look into Xander's.
"Yeah... m'alright Xan'. I..." //He looks breathless. How can a vampire be breathless? //
Spike shook his head. "Thanks pet." One of his hands let go of Xander's and reached behind him for the chair. He sat down and resumed looking at the floor, never letting the boy's hand go. Xander kept looking at him, more and more puzzled.
//What is he doing? Not that I don't like it... but I'm not *supposed* to like it...// He thought a moment about the look in the vampire's eyes a moment ago. //It was as if what I said meant the world to him... I can't possibly be *that* important... I'm only donut boy. //
"Spike? Why are you doing this?" As if ashamed of what he'd been doing, the vampire suddenly let go of Xander's hand. He looked stunned. Then he shook his head and took the boy's warm hand in his again.
"I dunno Xan'. It jes seem like a good thin' to do. Want me to stop?" //No !// Xander shook his head too and looked into Spike's eyes.
"No. I like it." //Did I really just admit that? //
"Oh. S'ok then?" He seemed almost lost.
"Spike? What's up with you? You're wigging me out."
"I..." He licked his lips nervously and stood up. Xander kept his eyes on him. The vampire slowly placed his hands on each side of the bed, letting Xander's hand go, and looked into the boy's eyes, his face dangerously close.
"I dunno. Jes know that I wanna..." He closed the gap between them and gently, almost reverently, closed his eyes and pressed his lips to Xander's. //What's happening here? I must be dreaming. *Spike* is *kissing* me. This can't be real...// Warm on cold, cold on warm, so soft, and yet so strong, the feeling was overwhelming. Finally, a moment later, or was it an eternity, the cold lips withdrew slowly.
"...do this." Xander opened his eyes and looked up at Spike, not believing what had just happened.
"Woah... what was that?" He said, breathlessly.
"Dunno. Thought it was pretty obvious."
"Ok, Spike, now you're going to answer me honestly. You're really wigging me out and I want to know what's going on."
"Nothin's goin' on."
"Nothing's going on my ass. You just kissed me." //And I liked it...// He shook his head.
"Sorry pet, I..."
"You what Spike?" //Why do I have to be so harsh, he seems as lost as I am.//
"I... I think I should go..." He took his duster from the back of the chair and walked to the door. Xander took a deep breath.
"No, please, don't go..." Spike looked back at him. "Stay." //What am I doing? Well Xanman, seems like you don't want the undead guy who just kissed you to leave...//Spike hesitated then turned around and sat back in the chair, taking Xander's hand back in his own.
"Ok..."
Xander felt butterflies in his stomach, while Spike gently caressed the palm of his hand. //This is weird, but soothing. Oh God. What is happening to me? //
Slowly he felt himself relax and realised that Spike too seemed more relaxed. He turned his head and looked at the vampire. He still had his head bent and was looking at their intertwined hands, his thumbs brushing lightly over Xander's palm. He seemed completely absorbed by his task, but Xander knew that he was thinking about what had just happened. Maybe he really didn't know what had made him kiss Xander, maybe he was asking himself the same questions Xander was.
The vampire turned his eyes away from their hands, looking directly at him. The butterflies began to fly again in his stomach and he ached to kiss the cold lips in front of him. He tried to look away, but he found he couldn't. He was fixated on the vampire's lips and eyes, going from one to the other.
//Oh Xander, face it.// Willow's voice echoed in his head. //I'm facing it Will, I am. And I want him to kiss me again.// Carefully, he lifted his free hand and gently brushed the vampire's cheek.
*****
Part 8:
"Oh. My. God." The two men turned around at the sound.
"Anya?" Xander jumped. Pain shot through his shoulders and he closed his eyes at the sensation. Spike reached for him, his eyes never leaving the vengeance demon in the doorway.
"You left me at the altar for *SPIKE*?" She was screaming and clearly back to vengeance, if her face was any clue.
"What?" Xander looked at Spike, who still had his arms around him and was giving Anya a strange look, then at his ex-fiancée. //This is *so* not happening. // "No, Anya... Let me explain."
"There's nothing to explain! I want revenge!"
All the lights in the room went off as Anyanka began to glow and floated a few inches off the floor. The room was filled with smoke and her scream of vengeance sounded more like thunder. She was aiming a lightning bolt at Xander when the door opened and Halfrek entered.
"Now, now Anyanka, you don't want to kill him in the hospital do you?" She had a calm attitude, but Xander caught a hint of annoyance in her tone.
//Maybe she's really pissed at Anya... God knows why... But hey, she made her stop. // Anya had gotten her feet back on the ground and the smoke was dissipating.
"Hallie, you should let me do my job. I have a scorned woman to help here."
"No Anyanka, you're taking revenge for yourself. You know you don't have the right to use your powers for yourself." Hallie looked over at Xander and Spike and she locked eyes with the vampire.
"That's why I sent the demon in the first place, but he couldn't do the job properly. You can't even trust them anymore." Xander looked disbelievingly at her.
"Ok... stop. YOU sent that demon after me. I almost died. I think I got the lesson. No need for a proper death, don't you think?" He looked hopefully at Spike and Halfrek. But neither of them was listening to him. They were still staring at each other.
"William? Is that you? I mean, I know it's you, I just need to hear it." Halfrek seemed completely lost and about to cry.
Xander felt a tingle in his stomach. //What is that? // Realisation hit him. //No, I'm not jealous... I can't be jealous... I don't love him...// He forced his thoughts away from the sensation and focused on the scene in front of him.
"Spike, the name's Spike. William was a bloody wanker." He muttered. "Who are ya?"
"You don't remember me?" She seemed hurt.
"Not with the bloody mask. Jes drop it. Think I got an idea." Spike was defiant.
Hallie looked at him apprehensively. She glanced down and shook her head. When she looked back at the vampire, she was free of wrinkles and such. //She's beautiful... Why doesn't she wear her human face more often? //
"Bloody Hell!" Xander was startled by the vampire's tone. "S'what I thought. Cecily. Can't say s'nice to see ya again, 'cept for the saving Xan part." Xander looked at Spike with curiosity. //Who is she? Cecily? Wasn't that the girl that...//
"That's the girl who sent you right into Dru's arms?" Spike and Hallie looked at Xander.
"What's he talking about? Who's Dru?"
"That'd be me dark goddess, Drusilla. Had a bloody good time together, we did. More than a century. She left me for a bloody chaos demon while we were in Brazil... Before the bloody soldier boys got me chipped that is." The vampire turned to look at ander. "That'd be her."
"That'd be me what?"
"Remember that nice party? Bloody awful poet they said I was. And you..."
She interrupted. "Don't say it, I remember."
"Well, I left. When a bloke's told he's beneath the woman he loves, he tries to hide. S'what I did. Went in an alley and met Dru. She said she wanted me for eternity." Spike laughed dryly. He stopped suddenly, realising that nobody was quite getting the joke.
"She turned me." He added seriously. While he talked, he didn't take his eyes off Halfrek. Xander watched her reaction, not missing the guilt that appeared in the end. //Seems like she's regretting what she said then... Too late... Well, I don't really have a say in that department, I'm the King of Too Lates...//
"I'm sorry." She whispered, so low Xander had to concentrate to hear it.
"Don't want your *sorries*... I like me unlife. S'better than me life was, it is."
"I'm sorry to interrupt this oh so sweet conversation, but, Hallie, can we go now, 'cause if we don't I might get angrier and kill Xander no matter what you say." //God, how could I love *that*? She's annoying. //
"Yes, go now, go... I'm not really wanting death right now." He looked hopefully at Halfrek.
She looked at him, then back at Spike. "Just a second Anyanka. I've got some personal business to finish here. You can go and I'll follow in a few minutes... Go, now." Finally, Anya left.
Halfrek stepped up in front of Spike, on the opposite side of Xander's bed.
"I know you don't care what I think now. Being in your situation, I wouldn't. I really want you to know, though, that I never deserved your love. Not then, not now. I finally realised that after we heard you had died. We talked about you for months, recalling your verses." Seeing Spike shrug, she added. "We never again laughed. One of the men actually wanted to try and publish your work, but not one poem was ever found." Spike seemed surprised.
"They say you never appreciate what you have until it's gone. Well it's true. I can't take back what I said, but I can try to make up for it."
Looking at the two of them, Xander felt the tingles coming back. //Stop it... stupid belly. You don't understand. *I'm. Not. Jealous*. I can't... Oh stupid, stupid Xander. You ARE jealous. Just get over it.// He closed his eyes as he realised just how much he had come to care for the bleached vampire.
"What'd ya wanna do?"
"Well, I know where your love lies now, even if you don't know already. I'll do whatever I can to protect it. I didn't deserve your love, as I said before, but this person does, so I'll just make sure nothing happens to the object of your affection." //Buffy... It must be Buffy. I knew they were together, I'm not an idiot... Naked push-ups in bed... really...//
"What? Ya gonna take care of me love? Can bloody well do that meself..."
"I know, I'm just gonna keep an eye on things... You can't be everywhere. Now, I need to go, before Anyanka comes back and does something stupid." She took Spike in her arms and whispered in his ears, just loud enough for Xander to hear it.
"Take good care of him. He deserves it..." Spike hugged her back then looked at her not quite getting the insight.
"Well, take care. S'been fun."
She smiled.
"Bye... William." She waved her arm and disappeared.
*****
Part 9:
"Well, that was weird." Spike and Xander turned around and came face to face with the doctor.
"Doctor Vic! Er... Hi." Xander didn't know what to say. //How much did he see? How do you explain this mess? //
"Hi, Xander. I see you've got weird friends that disappear... Well... care to explain?"
"S'difficult, doc." Spike answered for him.
"I see... Well, let me sit down and then... I think I deserve an explanation." Xander watched as Doctor Philipps turned and gripped a chair, as if to steady himself. //Reality comes kicking in. At least, it seems as if he'll actually believe us... and we could use a doctor on our side...//
Spike looked at Xander and he nodded. //Go ahead fangless...// The vampire waited for the doctor to sit and then he began.
"First thing first... most fairy tales are real. Demons, magic and vampires, that s'all real..." Spike carried on, with some help from Xander and an hour later, they had told everything to the doctor, except the part where Spike is actually a vampire and Buffy died.
"So, you're telling me the blonde girl was your fiancée? and you left her at the altar?" Xander nodded painfully. //Yeah... I'm stupid...// "So she sent a... a demon to kill you, and that's why you ended up here?" Xander nodded again. "Well, that explains a lot." He looked around to make sure no nurse was listening in. "Ok, listen. I believe you. I was actually wondering how you and your friends ended up with such extensive medical records. Now, I know. I'm going to take over every one of your cases. If anything happens, you call me. An apocalypse or just a random fight. I won't ask any questions and I'll make sure no one does... Do we have a deal?" Xander looked disbelievingly at the doctor.
"You'd do that for us?"
"Yes, absolutely. It seems you save all our butts every once in a while, so I can at least make sure you receive good medical care without having to answer awkward question. I'll even give you my personal phone and pager numbers. How's that?" Xander looked at Spike, then back at the doctor.
"Wow... thanks. I wasn't even sure you'd believe us..."
"Yeah, doc. I think it's a good idea. The lot of them needs someone to back 'em up."
"How about you?"
"Well doc, if ya can find a pulse in me. I'll give ya a bloody award..." The doctor looked at him, puzzled. Then realisation hit him.
"You're... you're a..."
"A vampire. Yeah." Seeing the doctor shrug, he explained everything about his turning and the chip.
"Well, that explains a lot. Now Xander, you need to rest. I'm... I'm going to have a strong coffee... and try to make some sense of all this..." He left the room, rubbing his forehead.
*****
Part 10:
"Well Xan, that wasn't so hard."
"Yeah... Spike? ..."
"What? Do ya need anything pet?" Spike's voice sent shivers through Xander's body. //Again with the taking care of me... I think I love it when he does that...//
"About... before we were interrupted..." Spike looked into Xander's eyes. He closed them and when they opened again, the vampire could've drowned in them. //Kiss me already! // Spike placed his hands on either side of the boy's face and slowly closed the gap between them, his cold lips resting on the warm ones. //Oh God... This is so good... His lips are so soft...// Xander gave in to the kiss and started to respond, his tongue teasing the vampire's lips, seeking entrance. Spike gave it to him and soon, they were both kissing passionately, as if nothing else existed but that very moment.
Finally, Xander broke the kiss, desperate for air. Panting, he looked at Spike and realised the vampire was panting as much as him. //And here I thought vampires didn't breathe... Wow, this was amazing... He turned my insides to jello... I'm sure if I had been standing, I would've collapsed... No one ever made me feel like this with a simple kiss...//
"Spike... I..." He shook his head.
"What? Ya gonna say it didn't mean anything? Bloody hell..." The vampire looked totally lost and even a bit angry. //No!! It meant something, I liked it... Oh God... looks like Xander junior liked it too...//
"No... Spike... I'm not gonna say anything like that... In fact, it's quite the opposite..." Xander felt himself blush, suddenly shy, and his eyes turned away. //Did he notice? //
"What love? Ya need me to take care of something for ya, do ya?" //What?? Oh... He noticed. //
"No... It's not..." Xander shook his head and felt Spike's hands stopping him. The vampire leaned down and kissed him again, this time Xander could feel so much passion and lust that the sensation overwhelmed him. Never releasing Xander's lips, the vampire trailed his hands down the boy's body careful not to cause any pain.
//Oh God! Don't stop, don't stop...// Xander was beyond coherent thoughts. The only things that mattered were the sensations the vampire's hands were giving him. He felt them slowly pull the sheet away and stop.
//What? ...// He groaned in frustration, then firmly took the vampire's head in his hands and looked into the deep blue eyes.
"Why... why did you stop? I... I didn't... Did I...?" //Did I do something wrong? I don't even know if I actually DID something...// His eyes reflected his thoughts.
"Oh no, Xan... luv... It's jes that I don't wanna do this here... It's a bit open... an' with you all patched up and smelling like the watcher's first aid kit. Tomorrow, I get ya home, I'll give ya a bath, and then we'll have some fun... Ok?" Xander felt himself blush and lowered his eyes.
//Oh God... I think I'm crazy... Here I am, frustrated because SPIKE, of all people, doesn't wanna have SEX with me in the HOSPITAL. God, I'm pathetic... And am I really thinking of having sex with a vampire??? And not just any vampire! SPIKE...//
Spike lowered his head towards Xander's ear and whispered. "I can even take a bath with ya, if ya want..." Xander's eyes widened and he shivered as images of naked vampire and water played in his head. //Oh God... Oh God...// Spike smiled and pulled back a bit from the bed.
"Ya should sleep now luv. I'm sure ya'll have very good dreams tonight..." Xander looked at the vampire, still speechless. Finally, he whispered. "Oh yeah."
//Maybe this is exactly what is suppose to happen. Maybe this is where I can find my happiness... Maybe I've been blind all my life and now is the time to face it, like Willow said... Maybe she even knew I was hiding something from myself and that's why she said it... Maybe... Oh stop with the *maybes*... Just face it: You lo... no, like Spike... very much... and now have very naughty images of him flowing through your head and... Oh yeah, I WANT him... There, I said it... it wasn't SO hard. //
As he was thinking this, Xander closed his eyes and rearranged himself on the bed with some help from Spike. The cuts to his shoulders were still very painful, but less than before and he could move comfortably if he was careful. Finally, he drifted off to sleep.
*****
Part 11:
***Spike POV
// I dunno what happened. One minute they're all jes happy meals on legs and the next I can't bear to think about any o' them hurtin'. 'Specially Xan. Yeah 'specially the whelp. He needs someone to back him up. Needs someone to watch over him or he'll jes get himself killed...
Why should that bother me? I'm a bloody soulless vampire, for Hell's sake. Can't even do that part right. Damn. Always was a stupid wanker. S'pose that doesn't change much now, does it?
He's there. Sleepin'. An' the only thing I can think of is how bloody good his lips felt on mine. Ya know. Like fire. Coursin' through my body, makin' me alive for a second... One bloody second. It's all it took. Now, I'm hooked. - God, I rhymed. - // He chuckled.
// Can't get away. Don't wanna... Honest, when I saw him all bloody then, thought I could die... I did ya know. Told meself : if he's dead, then I'll get to see the sunrise. I can tell ya that, 'cause hey, you're just my head, right? My mind. How crazy is that? ME talkin' to me mind like this?
I want him to get well, so I can tell him what's really botherin' me. Bloody hell... I can be so soddin' blind... A hundred and 20some years and still don't know meself that well. Should have known. I always fall for the weak ones... Not that Xan's weak. Far from it. But he still needs someone to watch over him. I can do that. Can take care o' him 'til he gets old and wrinkly... Bloody hell. Then he'll go dyin' on me. Again. 'Cause it's like he died the other day. When he woke up, I knew he wasn't the same. M'sure he felt it too. He almost died. An' I was there.
Thought I loved the slayer. I don't. Like her, I do. But I don't love her. I can't love her. I'm drawn to her. Like a bloody power source. 'Cause she's powerful. But she's not what I'm cravin'. I need someone to take care of, someone who'll take care o' me too. Not someone to beat me up every time she's feelin' bad 'cause the watcher left her, like all the other men in her world. First the poof, well, that seems to be a habit of his, doesn't it? Then soldier boy. Never liked him. Too clean. An' well, too dirty too. An' then the watcher. Dunno what Rupe was thinkin', but he chose a bloody bad time to decide to go get a life. Should've stayed here. Kiss the slayer and make up. Always knew they were good for each other. They just don't know yet.
And then there's Xan. He almost left her too. She felt so bad. The first day, she came to me crypt an' cried. Reminded me of when she told me 'bout her 'stay' in heaven. She felt she could tell me. 'Cause I wouldn't tell anyone. She loves him like a friend and a close one at that. Like a brother she said. Couldn't stand it if he died. She thanked me. That's when I realised I couldn't either. Live without him that is.
An' when I felt his body, jes a moment, or maybe an hour, ago, I thought I could die from the heat. I smelled his arousal an' I hoped... hoped he could... bloody hell. I'm soundin' like the bleedin' poof here. I hoped he could *accept* me as I am. All fangy an' grr an' stuff. There, I said it. Don't go laughin' at me, stupid head. I know I'm lost. Lost meself to him.
An' his body... mmm can't dream of how it would feel to have him pressed against me chest. I wasn't jokin', 'bout the bath. I wanna lay him in warm water, his back pressed to me chest, kissing his jaw, his shoulder... Oh yeah... I want him. I'm burnin' for him. Can't wait to get him home.
I wanna claim him.
I never did that. Claim a human that is. Know Angelus didn't either. Wouldn't bother. 'Don't go play with your food, lad', he told me. But I know some vampires do it.
It's a ritual. But the human has to be willin'. Well in my case anyway, 'cause the chip... well ya know. Can't hurt him. Don't wanna.
If I do, claim him that is, then he'll be mine. Mine for his whole life. Which will be a little longer than his mates...
Shouldn't be thinkin' 'bout that. He won't want to. He'll tell me to sod off an' leave him alone. He'll never love me...
Well, then what was it ? Why did he kiss me ? Why did he want me to do it again? Why...? Well, maybe he wants me. Hell, I bloody know he wants me. Smelled it. Can still smell it now. Fainter, but still there.
The boy wants me. But 'm sure he doesn't love me. Not like I want him to... Bloody poof I am. I can't get away from him. Even daylight hours are hard to get through. I jes stand there in me crypt, looking at the mess an' thinkin' 'bout him here an' all wrapped up.
Wanna unwrap him. In many ways. Yeah... Ya get what I mean.
But I can't.
Can't do it. At least, not now. He needs to get well. 'Cause, ya know, he'll be better, an' everyone'll be better then. Me included. Can't see my unlife without him now. Wouldn't be the same. I've fallen. I know.
Bloody hard even. An' I never saw it comin'.
*****
Part 12:
***Spike's POV
// Dawn's comin'. I don't wanna leave him... But I have to. No need to get dusted, is there ?
He looks so peaceful. He's smilin' in his sleep. Wonder what he's dreamin' of ? // The vampire was smiling fondly at the boy. He got up and leaned over the sleeping form.
"Take care o' yerself today. 'M goin' to be back tonight luv." With that, he kissed Xander's lips tenderly.
"He does looks like sleeping beauty, doesn't he?"
Spike jumped and turned around.
"Doctor Vic! You... startled me." The doctor was grinning.
"I see that." He looked the vampire from head to toe. "So, he doesn't like you?"
"Well, I dunno if he likes me, he didn't say, but..." // I love him. // Doctor Vic looked at Spike with an understanding look.
"I know. You should go, I'll make sure that he stays in until the sun goes down, so you can come and pick him up, ok?"
"Thanks doc!" Doctor Phillips nodded.
"Go now. Get home safely." Looking at Xander, he added: "I'm sure he'll be really 'pissed' if you don't come back tonight."
"Yeah. I know. Might go to his apartment an' make sure everythin's fine for when he comes home."
"That's a pretty good idea."
"If you wanna do that, fangless, you might need my keys..." Both men turned towards the bed in shock.
"You should see your faces!" Xander laughed. "Ohh God, that still hurts..." In a second Spike was beside him, trying to help ease the pain. "I'm ok, Spike. The keys are in my tux pocket. Or at least they were there last time I checked. You should go now. The sun's almost up."
"Er.. Pet?"
"Yeah?"
"Only one problem. I never got invited in."
"You're always welcome into my home, Blondie."
"Since when?"
The doctor was watching their dialogue with interest.
"I guess... since last night. And since you saved my life."
Spike seemed speechless. // He... trusts me! //
"Thanks. Luv." He licked his lips and looked at the window. "I'm going now. Take care."
"I promise I won't leave before you come back. You can use the bathroom and the bed if you want."
Spike looked at Xander liked he had grown horns on his forehead. "Xan, ya sure ya ok?"
"Yes. Why?"
"Well... Seem to recall a 'don't touch anythin' rule from when I 'lived' in ya basement."
"Well, that was before you saved my life and kissed me if I remember correctly." Spike looked amazed at Xander's comment.
"Er. Guys? You might want to finish this little conversation later."
"Doctor's right pet. I need to get going."
"Ok. Don't forget the keys." Spike took the keys from the tux's pocket and turned to face Xander.
"Bye Luv." // I really don't wanna go. What's gotten into me ?// He leaned over Xander, not really caring that the doctor was still there, and kissed him one last time. // Gettin' addictive this is. I wanna kiss him all the time. //
Xander gently stroked Spike's cheek while the vampire's tongue tangled with his. Finally, the kiss ended and Xander looked at Spike and smiled tenderly, panting slightly.
"Bye. Fangless." Spike growled lightly. "Don't go all grrr on me, Spike. I know you like it !"
// I know I do. Jes don't wanna crush my image too much... I love everything you say, love...// Spike shook his head and turned towards the door.
"Doctor, ya take care o' him. Will ya ?"
"Sure, but I still need to get some sleep too, you know. I'll make sure one of the nurses is always around."
"You do that." With that, the vampire finally left.
*****
Part 13:
***Spike's POV
As soon as he was out of the hospital, Spike started running. He knew he needed to hurry if he wanted to get to the apartment before he turned to dust. He made it safely just before the first ray of sunshine. He wasn't sure he could get in, since the invite had been made from the hospital, but he gave it a chance, he didn't really have any other choice. He turned the key in the lock and opened the door.
Looking inside, he first tried to put his right foot inside, bracing himself for the barrier that might block his attempt. So he lifted his foot and... walked right through the doorway. Finally inside, Spike couldn't believe it had worked. Never before had he heard of an invite working from afar. But still, there he was, in Xander's apartment.
He searched for the bathroom. He wanted to take a shower to wash away the awful hospital smell... And the hard on he had had since the night before.
He slowly took off all of his clothes. Imagining he was doing it for Xander and Xander alone. He couldn't understand why he had never seen him before. How he could've been so blind as to not see what a beautiful, loyal and brave young man Xander was. Sure, some of his jokes were annoying and he had a thing for insults, but that was exactly what was so appealing in him right now. He needed light. And Xander was exactly that. A bright light.
//I was bloody blind. But now I see him. Won't let him go. Ever.// He was now naked. He started the water, setting it to warm, and stepped into the shower. He let the water rain on him for a long time, just feeling the heat of it. His cold body began to warm at the contact. //Must be what it feels like to be with Xan. All warm and soft. Buffy was too bloody cold. Loved it at the time. But now I know it wasn't what I need. Need somebody warm by my side. Somebody alive, I need Xander. //
At the thought of Xander and his warmth, Spike's cock twitched, reminding the vampire of his painful erection. He closed his eyes and started imagining Xander's body. His eyes, his lips //Oh yeah// - he moaned -, his neck, his broad shoulders, his torso, his hips, his thighs, his ass - another moan escaped his lips. Finally, grabbing a hold of his cock, he imagined Xander's hands, slowly stroking him, //Jes like that// while the young man was nuzzling his neck, teeth at the point his pulse would have been, sending bolts of ecstasy through the vampire's body.
"Oh yes! Luv... more..." In his fantasy, Xander started pumping harder and faster, his thumb brushing the tip of his cock, his other hand fondling his balls. Squeezing and stroking and squeezing and stroking... Xander let go of Spike's balls and his hand wandered more south and he slowly circled the vampire's entrance. Spike arched at the sensation, he was so close.
"Oh YES... Oh, Xander..." Spike moaned continuously, his eyes still closed, his hands playing Xander's part. One hand still stroking hard, the other came back to his balls, and started squeezing them hard. His balls tightened.
"Oh yes! Luv, I'm coming. Oh XANDER!" His cum splattered on the shower walls and Spike felt his legs starting to give up. Feeling dizzy from his orgasm, he knelt in the shower, the water still running on him and he sat on his heels. He was breathing hard, his eyes still closed.
A few minutes passed, but Spike wasn't willing to give up the fantasy. The water began to turn cold and surprised by that sudden change, Spike opened his eyes and looked in front of him. Still shaking, he pulled himself up and switched off the running water. He opened the shower curtains and picked the towel he had gotten before entering the shower. Still in a haze, he rapidly dried himself and went to put back his clothes, but they smelled. He decided to borrow a pair of jeans from Xander, while he was doing his laundry. //Sure he won't say anything.// He threw his pants and shirt in the washer, along with some clothes of Xander that were in the laundry basket. //Might as well do his laundry, while I'm doing mine.// Looking around the room, the apartment was a complete mess.
"Seems like the demon bint came around." Clothes were scattered everywhere in the bedroom, mostly Xander's clothes, some women's underwear and broken vases and glasses were on the kitchen floor. Also, the table hadn't been cleaned up after the last meal.
"Ewww, gross!" //Bloody Hell ! That sounded like Buffy. I really should stop hanging around her that much! // He thought for a moment. //Looks like I won't be! // And he smiled. Maybe he wouldn't get away from Buffy enough to stop her influence on him, but he'd have Xander by his side. And that was enough. //He'll bloody influence me too! M'already turning into a Nancy boy 'cause of him.// He shook him head and looked around.
"M'cleaning this mess, aren't I?" He shouted. "William the Bloody reduced to doing the laundry for one of the slayer's scoobies..." He mumbled, shaking his head. Still muttering to himself, he started cleaning everything up and an hour later, the apartment was shining. Before going to sleep, Spike put the laundry in the dryer. He then went to the bedroom and got out of Xander's pants. He climbed into the bed and pulled the covers over his head.
He was hit by the scent of Xander merged with that of Anya. Grumbling, he got out of bed and hunted for freshly washed sheets, ones that the bint hadn't slept in since they were last washed. He found a completely new set in the bathroom closet. Smiling widely, he went back to the bedroom and swiftly changed the bedding. Finally, he got back in the bed and sighed. He quickly fell asleep.
*****
Part 14:
*** Xander's POV
//Oh God. I'm in love with him.// Xander was still looking at the door, almost a minute after Spike had left. //I'm falling in love with an evil soulless 'thing'. How did that happen? // He shook his head and smiled broadly. //I really don't care. He might be a vampire. Hell, he might be a 'man', but I don't care. He's so beautiful. And I'm in love with him.
He takes care of me when I need him. He... maybe he even loves me. // His left hand went to his lips. //And he's such a good kisser. //
Doctor Vic cleared his throat. Xander jumped and looked at him.
"Oh... Sorry Doc."
"No need to be sorry. I'll go check on my other patients. I'm leaving in about an hour. If you need anything, call for me. All right?"
"Yes. Thank you so much doctor." Xander smiled at him. //Thank you for everything. Hey, I seem to be doing that a lot these last few days... Thanking everyone...//
"No problem Xander. You should rest a little. I'll come see you just before I leave." Doctor Vic waved goodbye and left the room, leaving Xander alone to think.
//Well, my life couldn't get more screwed up.// His eyes were locked on the ceiling, his hands lightly resting on his stomach. //I leave my fiancée at the altar. She becomes demony AGAIN. Sends that stupid orange horned demon after me. I'm saved by the Bleached Wonder, and I fall in love with said saviour! How screwed is that? // He shook his head. //Really screwed. But you know, for the first time in my life, I really don't care about what people will say. Spike makes me feel things I never thought I could feel. And that kiss... Wow... There's no better word to describe it. And I feel as if it's the best thing that ever happened to me. Falling in love with him.
Maybe all my life I was living a lie. Maybe I was gay from the start and never could bring myself to believe it. I wonder how it feels to make love to a man. Hell, how do you make love to a VAMPIRE? I never thought those two words went together well, love and vampire... I know Drusilla and Spike were in love, but it was more of a sick, twisted kind of love. Well, that's what it looked like to me. Maybe it wasn't like that for them. Maybe a vampire really can love. Maybe Spike is in love with me? ... Er, I think I asked that already...
I remember what I told Joyce just before the attack. Maybe letting him in my life is the way to make me happy. If I don't let all those stumbling blocks, like the fact that he's a vampire, a male one for that matter, get in the way of what I feel... maybe that's the way to be happy.// He closed his eyes. //I'll give it a try. //
A cough startled him. He opened his eyes and looked at the doorway.
"GILES!" He shouted, really surprised to see the Englishman in the hospital... Hell surprised to see him in America! "What are you doing here? I mean... when did you get back ?"
"My plane landed at three o'clock this morning. I drove all the way here from LA airport."
"My God, you must be exhausted!"
"Oh, I am. I just wanted to check on you before I go see Buffy and the others." He blushed. //He's scared. Scared of what the others will say. //
"G-man, you're a coward." He stated. Giles blinked.
"Wha... You're right. I'm a coward." They both exploded in laugher. Xander stopped abruptly, the pain in his shoulder becoming intense for a second.
"Ouch!"
"Are you quite all right?"
"Yeah. Just a little pain. I should really know better than to laugh like this... It's not the first time it's happened since the accident."
"Well, one can't really avoid a good laugh, Xander. I'm happy to see you're recovering fast."
"Thanks, but no changing of subject. You know the gang will be happy to see you. They might be angry with you at first, but they'll get over it. Don't worry. Buffy might not speak to you for a few days, but she'll be so happy that you're back that she won't put up much of a fight." He smiled at the ex-librarian.
"Well, I expect her to yell very disturbing things to me, throw some tomatoes and probably act as though I wasn't there."
"That'd be what the old Buffy would do. This one will only look at you, pain in her eyes, and speak very coldly." Giles seemed taken aback by Xander's comment.
"You mean she's that different from her old self?"
"Since you left, it's much worse than before. She's closing in, not letting anyone into her little world."
"Well, I really should go see her then. Maybe I can help with that."
"You try what you can G-man. And you call me when you find the old Buffy. If there's anyone that can do it, it's you!" Xander smiled. //I would really like to see the old Buffy return. I miss her. //
"I'll do my best. Now when are you getting out of this place?"
"Tonight. Spike is coming to take me home." Giles raised an eyebrow.
"Spike?" Xander blushed and lowered his eyes.
"Er... yeah. He kinda took care of me a lot this last week. He offered to stay with me for as long as the doctor says it's necessary." //And even longer after that... How will I tell my friends about this? //
"Really? Well, I guess he's finally realised that..." Giles stopped.
"Finally realised what?"
"Oh... nothing. More like he's finally come to terms with not being the Big Bad anymore."
"Yeah." Xander looked at Giles and smiled as the watcher yawned. "You should go. You have a long talk with Buffy ahead of you, and you're so tired already... Now go." He waved his hands. Giles looked back at him, smiling, but his eyes reflected his worries.
"Yes, I believe I should go. Take good care of yourself today. I guess I'll see you tonight or tomorrow, when you're ready to have visitors at the apartment."
"Yes. Tomorrow would be good. We could have a Scooby meeting, it'll be just like old times."
"Great! I'll see you tomorrow then." Giles smiled.
"Bye Giles!" Xander waved his hand and Giles left.
*****
Part 15:
The day went by rapidly. Doctor Vic came one last time to check on Xander and then left to get some sleep. He said he'd be back before Xander left. Willow, Buffy and Dawn paid Xander a visit, asking if he needed any help with going back home or anything. He told them Spike would take care of everything and saying that, he caught a glimpse of mischief in Dawn's eyes. //Ah! The dawnster is figuring it out. Well, she was always quick at figuring things out. Quicker than many of us.// He smiled at her and her face lit in surprise. //Yup, got it in one Dawnie. //
The others seemed oblivious to the little exchange and Willow started babbling about Giles' return. He hadn't told anyone his reasons for coming, but just as Xander had anticipated, Dawn and Willow rapidly overcame their anger and were very happy to see him. Buffy didn't say a word about it, but Xander could see the pain in her eyes. Giles had really hurt her in leaving. It would take time, but Xander knew Buffy would become her old self again. He never understood why, but it seemed that Buffy and Giles really completed each other and when a part was missing, the other one just fell apart, like Giles had been during the summer. Now that both parts were back together, maybe they wouldn't feel so lonely.
Finally, they all left, saying they had courses to attend, a job to do and friends to see. Left alone, Xander watched TV, read some magazines the girls had brought for him and, near the end of the day, decided to take a little nap.
He was woken up by the sound of Spike picking up all of Xander's things and carefully placing them in a bag he had brought from the apartment. Opening his eyes, Xander smiled at the sight. Spike looked completely adorable, folding Xander's tux carefully, his face a picture of concentration. He was having trouble with the jacket.
"You can throw that away you know." Xander said, startling the vampire.
"What?" Spike asked, looking up at Xander.
"The jacket. I won't actually wear it anymore. It's completely and utterly destroyed, it has two big holes on the shoulders and blood everywhere. You can throw it away. Just make sure there's nothing in the pockets."
"Sure luv. Can do that." Spike smiled at Xander and searched the pockets. Reaching in one of them, he pulled a jewellery box out.
"What's this pet?" Xander looked at the small box Spike's hand. Realising what it was, his breath caught in his throat.
"It's... it's the rings... Damn... I really don't want those..." Spike looked at Xander and placed the box in his own pocket.
"I'll go by the jewellery store tomorrow night. M'pretty sure they'll take them back."
"Thanks Spike." Xander looked relieved. Then he went back to staring at Spike. //He hasn't kissed me yet. Maybe he doesn't want to... Maybe...//
"What luv?"
"What what Spike?"
"Why're ya looking at me like that?"
"I... I don't know." Spike stared back at Xander and smiled. //What the hell is he thinking? // The vampire got up from the chair and threw the jacket in the garbage. Then he went over to the bedside, locking eyes with Xander.
Gently, slowly, he leaned over the boy and closed his eyes. Xander closed his eyes as well and parted his lips slightly.
"S'what ya've been waiting for, innit luv?" Xander couldn't make any sound pass his lips. Instead of speaking, he answered by grabbing Spike's head and bringing their lips together. The coolness of Spike's lips against the warmth of his own brought an intense pleasure in Xander's body and he found himself reacting the exact same way he had the night before.
Spike gently licked Xander's lips, seeking entry. Xander gave it to him eagerly, wanting to feel all of Spike. Their tongues tangled for what seemed like hours and finally, reluctantly, they parted. Xander took a deep breath and opened his eyes, only to find himself drowning in deep blue water. Spike was looking at him, lust and love so easy to see in his eyes.
The moment was broken by the doctor just coming in. He explained some basic treatment rules to Spike and told Xander to call him anytime his friends and him needed medical attention, he'd be very happy to help.
Both men were finally left alone and Spike helped Xander to get dressed, then took him out of the hospital where Xander was very surprised to see Buffy's jeep.
"Slayer lent it to me. Said to take bloody good care o' ya or she'll stake me, and taking care o' ya meant I could have the jeep for the night." Spike smiled and Xander smiled back. //Looks like the buffster just gave Spike the shovel talk. I wonder how she found out? Did Dawn tell her? Or is she just more perceptive than we think? Maybe it's both. Or maybe she hasn't realised anything... Well, anyway, I'll tell them all tomorrow... except if Spike doesn't want me to... maybe he doesn't want them to know...// Spike helped Xander get in the jeep and closed the door. He got in the driver's seat and started the car. The ride passed silently, both men thinking.
//I hope he hasn't forgotten about his promise of a bath. I hate stinking like this and I really want him to give me a bath...// Xander smiled dreamily.
"What are thinking luv? Something good?"
"Oh yeah... I'm thinking about that bath you promised me." Spike chuckled.
"Sure luv. As soon as I get ya home, you eat something while I run the bath. Then we'll have some fun..." Xander blushed and looked out the window. //Oh God... I want him so much... And he's a tease! He knows it... How do I tell my friends about him...? 'Hey guys, I'm gay' doesn't really cover it, but it could be a start...//
They were now in front of Xander's apartment, so the boy put the thought away and opened the door. Spike quickly came to help him get out and after a few minutes later, Xander was seated at his dining table, with a bowl of really good chicken soup, while Spike was running the water in the bathroom...
*****
Part 16:
//Oh God... I can't believe myself... I'm here, eating some very nice chicken soup, while SPIKE is preparing me a bath !// Xander felt a knot in his stomach. //I'm scared... or nervous... yes, really nervous...// He gulped. Images of a naked Spike were flooding his head. //Oh God... Oh GOD...//
"Hey luv. Ya finished?" Xander swallowed the last spoonful of soup and looked at Spike. He choked. The vampire was bare chested and he had taken off his shoes and socks as well. //Oh. My. God. I've never seen anything more beautiful than him. // Muscular pale chest, abs to die for. The jeans he wore hung low on the vampire's hips. He was as sexy as hell. Xander couldn't make a sound.
"Like what ya see luv?" Xander gulped and looked into Spike's eyes. He was so aroused he felt like he could explode on the spot.
"Oh yeah !" He moaned. Spike sauntered over to him and kissed him thoroughly. When they parted, Xander was breathless. Spike helped him up and they went in the bathroom, Spike supporting a still shaky Xander.
In the bathroom, Xander sat down on the toilet and tried to get his shoes off. The pain in his shoulder made it impossible for him to bend, so Spike knelt in front of him and carefully pulled his shoes and socks off. He then proceeded to unbutton the boy's shirt and slowly pulled it past the shoulders, trying not to hurt Xander. //He's so careful... It's like I'm made of china or something...// Xander couldn't take his eyes away from Spike's face. The vampire appeared to be concentrating completely on his task.
Xander placed his hand under Spike's chin and lifted his head up. Looking into his bright blue eyes, Xander realised the vampire was almost as scared as he was. The boy slowly leaned forward and kissed Spike's cool lips tenderly.
*** Spike's POV's
It was a very small kiss, but it was enough to push Spike's fears away. Xander wasn't going to reject him. //Couldn't stand it if he did... Had too much of that...//
Spike slowly untucked the shirt from Xander's pants and slid his hands up the tanned body that lay underneath. He stopped as he reached Xander's nipples. He started to slowly circle them and Xander threw his head back, moaning. Spike grinned at his love. He had never had a lover so sensitive. He decided to take their play to the next level. He took his hands from under Xander's shirt which earned him a disappointed moan.
He grabbed the edge of Xander's undershirt in his hands. It was the only barrier between him and tasting the skin his hands had just played on. He nudged Xander lightly to signal that he wanted the shirt off. Xander tried to raise his arms, but the pain made it impossible. He groaned, making Spike raise his eyes away from the skin that was peeking out at him. Spike looked into chocolate brown eyes and saw the pain the boy was in.
"Ya arms that bad luv?"
Xander nodded slightly. A little scared that the vampire would stop the wonderful things he was doing.
"Well, jes have to find another way to get it off, won't we?"
Xander smiled brightly and nodded. Spike smiled back at him.
"Ummm... Maybe I could tear the shirt." Xander looked a little worried.
"But won't you get hurt? You know, the chip... if you hurt me in the process..." Spike kissed Xander lightly. //He's looking out for me. My Nummy... Where did that name come from? //
"Not if ya stay still an' I'm really careful." Spike smiled encouragingly. "Got it luv?" Xander nodded again.
Spike grabbed the neck of the shirt and said, "stay still now." Spike slowly tugged on the collar until it started to rip under his hands and slowly followed the tear to the bottom of the shirt. Spike smiled at the tight muscles that were now revealed to him, then shook his head to clear the lustful haze that was threatening to overtake his mind.
"Right, now lets do the sleeves so we can get ya in the bath."
"Yes... please." Xander said before he could stop himself. Spike rose an eyebrow at his eager lover.
"A little impatient aren't we?" //Love when he's all eager like this. //
"Shut up. I'm injured. You're suppose to be helping me, not... torturing me." Spike leaned up and kissed the sweet lips again.
"What can I say luv. I'm evil." He grinned. Xander growled lightly. //That sounds so cute coming from him... Er... wait, did I just say he was cute? I'm really becoming a poof... A few more days and I'll be able to claim peaches' position...// Spike looked at the flushed mortal. His lips still slightly parted, his breathing a little heavy, his heart beating quickly, and Spike knew it was worth it. //M'becomin' a Nancy boy for him. An' I don't care. I'm love's bitch, can't do a thing about it. //
Spike shook his head slightly and focused on what he had to do. He grabbed the sleeve of Xander's shirt and tore it carefully, then did the same with the other one. The shirt was now a complete mess, but neither of them really cared. Spike looked into Xander's eyes, which seemed to be getting darker with every passing moment and slowly pushed the shirt aside.
And there Xander sat on the toilet seat, half naked, looking like a work of art, in Spike's eyes, that no painting could ever capture completely. //That boy amazes me... So soddin' beautiful...//
"You've got to get up luv." He said, breathlessly. Xander looked at the vampire with confused eyes. Spike smiled at him encouragingly.
"We've got to get those pants off of ya. Ya don't want them on while you're bathing, now do you? Ruins all the fun." Spike leered at the boy as he stood up. Xander blushed lightly, making him look even more wonderful if that was possible.
"Up now luv." Spike reached for the boy's arm gently and helped him get up. Xander stood there, right in front of Spike, hunching a little. //Must be the pain. M'sure the bath will do him good. Will help ease the tension... and hopefully, make more for other parts of him...//
*****
Part 17:
Spike carefully unfastened the pants, looking directly into Xander's eyes. //Don't wanna scare him. He'd run away... must be patient Will... patience is a virtue they say. // He placed his hands on either side of the pants and slowly eased them down, revealing Xander boxer clad groin and his beautiful muscular legs. Spike automatically spotted the tent in Xander's boxers and knew the boy was completely aroused by the little fooling around they had done. He carelessly threw the blue jeans aside and pulled himself up, standing nose to nose with his lover.
Spike brought his hands up and gently brushed the two patched shoulders, laying kisses on the bandages.
"Have to take them off, luv. Might hurt ya a bit." Xander snapped out of his daze and opened his mouth to protest.
"Spike, if it hurts me, then it hurts you. We..." Spike silenced him, placing his fingers on the boy's lips. //He doesn't want me to get hurt... He's so sweet...//
"Shhh luv. I can handle a bit o' pain. S'not like I wanna hurt ya on purpose..." Xander pushed the fingers aside.
"No Spike. I mean it. You're not going to take my bandages off." //But the doc said...// Spike tried to speak, but Xander continued. "I'll do it. That way you won't get a headache and the bandages will be off. Ok?" He asked looking into Spike's eyes.
"All right luv, but if ya need help, don't try an' push me away." Xander smiled at him.
"Promise." Spike smiled broadly and stood back a little, allowing Xander the space he needed to grab the bandages. Swiftly, Xander tore the bandages from his shoulders, screaming sharply from the intense pain.
At the sound of his lover's pain, Spike reached for him and started licking the wounds, cooling the heat of pain a little. //His blood's so sweet. Like vampire chocolate...//
"Spike what are you doing?" Xander's voice was hoarse and breathless. Spike pulled away from the wounds and looked into Xander's eyes.
"Jes cooling ya off a little. Good innit?" Xander's eyes widened.
"Oh... yes, it felt good. What..."
"Vampires heal fast luv. Will help you heal a bit faster by licking them... An' it's a plus for me cause I get to taste ya." He sensually licked his lips. "You taste so sweet luv." Xander's breath caught in his throat.
"All right. Keep on doing it then." Spike resumed licking the wounds and slowly, carefully, licked both wounds clean. Xander was utterly aroused by Spike's ministrations, the pain having completely disappeared, he kept rubbing himself against Spike's thigh, trying to get as much friction as he could. Spike finally stopped and stilled Xander.
"Now luv, wouldn't want ya to get off before the bath would ya?" The vampire said grinning.
"Oh Spike shut up and get naked already so we can have that bath!" //mmm, boy has a pair! Love that! //
"Sure luv." Before getting out of his jeans, Spike swiftly pulled Xander's boxers away, before the boy could even register it. Spike stood there, staring at Xander in awe.
"Bloody Hell! You're soddin' beautiful Xan. Most beautiful thing in the world I say." He was breathless. Xander blushed under his gaze.
"M'not THAT beautiful..." He said, suddenly shy and humble. //Soddin' hell! Nobody ever told him he was beautiful... Must make sure he knows it...//
"Oh yeah ya are Xan!" He leaned in and kissed Xander thoroughly. "Amazingly beautiful..." He whispered in his ears. Xander was now blushing from head to toe.
"Right... Now it's your turn." Saying that, he carefully reached for Spike's pants and started unfastening them. Noting that Xander was still in a bit of pain, Spike helped him and soon, he was as naked and aroused as Xander.
*** Xander's POV
//Oh God! I've never seen anything more beautiful. He looks like marble. All lean muscular, so pale it's almost white. He's like a handsome statue from some Greek museum...//
"Why are ya staring at me luv?"
"For the same reason you were staring at me just a moment ago. You're beautiful Spike." He tentatively reached for Spike's torso and his hand brushed over the scars there. "Who did them?"
"What? Oh, those. T'was a long time ago luv. Don't remember much. Most of them I got in fights, others my dad did."
Xander's voice caught in his throat. "Angel?"
Spike smiled. "No luv. Angelus never gave me any scars. Vampires heal perfectly ya know. Wouldn't have marked me. These I got when I was human. Now can we stop talking and get in that bath, before the water gets cold." Xander smiled. //He really doesn't like to talk about his past. But if his dad gave him those scars, then maybe we really have something in common...//
Spike got in the bath first, he laid himself down and helped Xander to do the same. The boy sat between the vampire's legs, feeling Spike's hard cock poking his back. Trying not to think about it, he laid his head on Spike's chest and closed his eyes. The vampire's hands were already roaming his body, trying to ease the tension that had taken residence in his muscles since the attack.
"Mmmm... Feels so good Spike." The vampire slowly brought his hands up to play with the boy's nipples, eliciting more moans. He buried his head in Xander's neck and inhaled deeply, sending shivers through the boy's body. Spike closed his eyes, feeling all the lust and smelling the scent coming from his lover's body.
"Like it luv?" He whispered, sensually, in the boy's ear. The words made Xander's heart jump and he opened his eyes in complete lust.
"Oh yeah."
*****