Title: Finding Home Part 2

Email: tirel@pcnuthut.com

Author: Velvet Crypt

Disclaimer: Joss is God. I own nothing.

Spoilers: Season 4.

Summary: Courage comes in all forms.

Xander tried to block out the sounds from upstairs. He heard yelling, obscenities flying, his mother pleading for reason. Xander didn’t know why she tried anymore. She knew that Tony Harris was never going to see reason, but every time, she tried anyway. Xander lay on the bed next to the injured vampire and tried to remember a time when he heard laughter in the house.

He couldn’t think of any. Absently stroking Spike’s hair, he realized that tonight was the first time he had sat down with his mother and talked since…junior high? He didn’t remember the date, only the reason. His father had walked in on he and Jesse playing with Willow and her Barbies.

Tony had thrown the other two kids out and drug Xander by the hair to the living room, screaming ‘faggot, homo, girly boy’ all the way. Jessica had tried to interfere, to tell Tony that Xander didn’t know any better, that he was still a little boy. Tony had backhanded his mother into the staircase and thrown Xander on the couch.

Tony Harris proceeded to show his son how real men behaved. Xander sat through two hours of the raunchiest porno movies he was ever to see again, complete with commentary from his father. Xander stopped being humiliated halfway through and began to be disgusted with the whole thing. Finally, Tony ordered Xander back to his room and yelled for Jessica.

Xander would never forget the look on his mother’s face as she walked past him down the stairs. Resignation, anger, embarrassment…but mostly fear. She tried to smile at him, to tell him it would be okay, but Xander knew better. Even after he locked himself in his room, he could hear them. Hear his father’s rhythmic grunts, his mother’s infrequent cries of pain. Soon though, those sounds stopped and the TV came on. Xander knew his father had settled down for another drunken night.

Jessica came to his room later. They sat til the wee hours of the morning, talking about what had happened. Xander’s part at least. She refused to acknowledge anything after Xander had gone to his room. Jessica explained what all the words his father called him meant. She gave him the birds and the bees lecture. She warned him about never bringing home any girlfriend…or even boyfriend. She told him she didn’t care which as long as he was happy. She’d support him no matter what.

And she had. Xander knew that what his father had done to her that day was his fault. He knew she didn’t blame him, but still…if he hadn’t been caught, none of it would have happened. He also knew that she would endure it over and over again to protect him, to protect his right to love whomever he wanted. Just like she was doing now.

He heard the first sound of flesh hitting flesh and he tensed. “Fuck.” He whispered. He shifted Spike’s head out of his lap onto the pillow and got to his feet. “I’m sorry, Spike. I have to go. He’s hurting her again. This is my fault. It’s always my fault and she always pays for it.” He brushed a lock of hair off of Spike’s forehead. “Don’t worry. I won’t let him hurt you too.”

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Spike cursed his incapacity. He could hear more clearly than Xander what was going on upstairs. He heard Tony screaming insults at Jessica, throwing things at her. He could hear when Tony found the bloody table in the kitchen and when Jessica tried to tell him she cut herself while cooking. He could almost see her waving her bandaged arm in front of the bigger man like a white flag of surrender.

Tony obviously wasn’t listening. Or was listening and didn’t care. He accused her of ruining his day on purpose. That he busted ass all day at work and only wanted to come home to what he rightfully deserved: a perfectly clean house, dinner, a fridge loaded with beer, and a woman with her legs spread.

Spike could hear Jessica stammering apologies as Tony got louder and louder. ~Leave it alone, luv.~ Spike thought. ~It’s only making it worse. You’re only provoking him by playing the victim.~ But she didn’t stop. And he wasn’t surprised when the slap echoed across the upstairs room.

He knew Xander had heard that. The boy tensed up like a violin string. Spike felt his head being gently lifted and set on the pillow. He was disappointed for a moment at the loss of warmth, but then Xander started speaking. Spike wanted to tell him it was no one’s fault. Tony Harris was a bastard and would have found some excuse if this one hadn’t presented itself, but Xander was already moving up the stairs. He strained his ears to hear what the older Harris would do to his humans.

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“Please, Tony, just go to bed. I’ll clean it up and you won’t even know it was here by tomorrow morning.” Jessica begged, holding her face.

“It should never have been here in the first place, you stupid bitch!” Tony bellowed and raised a hand to hit her again. She closed her eyes and flinched away, preparing herself to roll with it. But it never came. She cracked her eyes open to see Xander between her and his father.

“You little faggot! What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Tony glared at his son.

“You aren’t going to hit her anymore.” Xander stated in a voice much more steady than he felt. Inside, he was trembling in terror. What the hell was he doing standing up to his father? You didn’t do this! You never stood up to your father. You obeyed unquestioningly and maybe nothing would get broken. But when he saw his mother flinch away; resignedly accepting the abuse, he stopped thinking rationally. He just reacted.

Darting across the room, he’d caught the older Harris’s arm as it whistled downward. It was surprisingly easy. All the years of trying not to get hit by the monsters of the Hellmouth seemed to improve his chances of not being hit by the monster of the Harris home. Xander slowly and deliberately forced his father’s arm down. Tony tried to fight it, but Xander was stronger.

“Mom, go.” Xander said, never taking his eyes from his father’s face.

“Xander, I-“

“Go, Mom!” He barked as she hesitated. He heard her head for the bathroom.

“You’ll pay for this you little bastard.” Tony growled.

Xander nodded. “I’m sure I will, Dad. And I’m okay with that. Just make sure you never touch my mother again.” He increased the pressure on his father’s wrist until the older Harris winced. Xander then saw something he had never associated with his father. Certainly never because of something Xander did. He saw fear in those bleary brown eyes. Fear of Xander.

And though his initial reaction was satisfaction, he quickly realized that it made him feel sick. He released Tony’s arm and the older man fell onto the couch. After a moment of utter silence in which the Harris men stared at each other appraisingly, Tony stood and retrieved his coat. He didn’t look back as he slammed out of the front door.

Xander stood for a moment longer, hearing the roar of his father’s car and the squeal of the tires as Tony peeled out of the driveway. Then he dropped to his knees and began sobbing. Jessica was there instantly. She wrapped her arms around her son and rocked him as she had done when he was little. When his father had hit him and Xander hadn’t understood why, hadn’t understood that Tony really didn’t need a reason.

“It’ll be alright, Xanny,” she whispered. “It’ll all be okay.” She gently maneuvered him into a standing position. “Come on, Xanny-boy,” she encouraged, hoping the return to a pet name from a safer time would bring him back to her. “Let’s go downstairs.”

Xander allowed himself to be manipulated, but he never let go of Jessica. She knew that Tony probably wouldn’t be home until after work the next day, so she was perfectly fine in staying with Xander as long as he needed. She sat him on the bed, next to the blonde vampire and kissed his cheek.

“Sweetie? I’m going to get some ice for my face. You stay here and take care of your vampire. I’ll be back in a minute.” He hesitated for a moment, then rolled over and buried his face in Spike’s side. Jessica headed to the kitchen.

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Spike was so proud of his boy, standing up to the bastard like that. Of course, Spike also knew that Xander had just set himself up for a world of hurt later, but he had reacted. That was a start. When Jessica brought the boy back downstairs, Spike could smell the fear and the shame on him. When Xander snuggled in close to him, he could smell some of the fear fading. He chuckled inwardly that Xander would feel protected by an unconscious, chipped vampire who’d tried to kill him not too long ago. But it made him unreasonable happy as well.

When Jessica came back, she had a bag of ice and a cool washcloth. She gently wiped away the tears from Xander’s face. Spike could feel her gaze transfer to him. It was heavy, as though it pierced his skin and saw through him. After a moment of hesitation, she slid under the covers next to him. He felt her place and arm above his head and could tell that she had linked hands with her son. She, too, snuggled down next to Spike. Soon after, the vampire heard the change in heartbeats and breathing and realized that mother and son had fallen asleep wrapped around him.

He didn’t try to wrestle meaning out of it, or out of the warm feeling growing in his chest. He simply allowed himself to follow them into slumber.

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When he woke, he found he was able to function. He opened his eyes and lifted his head taking a quick glance around; he saw that Jessica had risen for the day, not too long ago either. The impression of her body was still warm. Turning his head the other direction, he found himself gazing into the sleeping face of Xander Harris.

Spike’s eyes softened and he smiled. The boy looked about five when he slept. His hair was tousled and his lower lip stuck out slightly in a very adorable pout. All the worry and fear Spike smelled the night before had disappeared and Xander was nestled into the crook of Spike’s neck like a puppy.

“Morning.” He looked up to see a small mousy woman standing at the end of the bed. Her eyes looked tired, but her smile lit up her face.

“Morning, luv.” He returned softly. “You must be Xan-pet’s mum.”

Jessica nodded. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I got the shit kicked out of me.” He grinned. “But better. You’re a quick hand with the bone setting, luv. It’s nearly healed.” Jessica looked confused.

“How did you know I set your arm?” Spike gave her a piercing look from beneath fringed eyelids.

“When a vampire gets hurt as badly as I did, their body shuts down. They may not fall unconscious, but they are unable to respond to anything. The ears and the nose still work, though. And the nerves.”

Jessica looked horrified. “So, you…”

He nodded wryly. “Yeah, I heard everything you and the whelp said last night.”

Jessica shook her head. “No, you were awake the whole time we were setting your arm, washing you off, stitching you up? Oh, God, the pain must have been horrible!”

Spike just stared at her dumbfounded. She blinked away tears of sympathy. “What?” She asked, smiling through the tears at his bewildered expression.

“I think he’s just amazed that you were actually worried about him and didn’t jump him for deliberately eavesdropping on a private conversation.” Xander said sleepily from his position. Spike’s gaze jumped to him. He smiled lazily at the blonde. “Morning, Spike.”

“Errr…morning whelp. Did I wake up in the twilight zone?” He asked plaintively.

Xander laughed, then sat up and patted the bed. Jessica settled back into her spot on Spike’s other side. “Why do you ask?”

Spike looked from one Harris to the other. “Are you pod people?”

Xander ran a hand through his hair. “Not that I know of.”

“Then why are you being nice to me?”

Jessica looked offended. “Why wouldn’t I be nice to you?”

“Not so much you, mom.” Xander yawned. “He means me. Why am I not being an asshole?”

Jessica gave him an expectant look. “Well, why aren’t you?”

Xander grinned at her, then turned to Spike. “I really don’t know. I just woke up and felt really happy. Which is pretty screwed up since I pissed my father off beyond all belief last night.”

Jessica shuddered. “Alexander, what were you thinking?” She whispered.

Xander smile dropped away. “I’ve spent my entire life listening to him slap you around, Mom. Listening because you sent me away, or shielded me when he was punching us. I’m fucking well 19 years old, Mom. I think it’s time I stood up for you.”

“Watch your mouth, Xander.” She said absently, picking at her nails. Spike took her hands into his and stopped her.

“Mom. Last night we saved the unlife of a 100 plus year old vampire. We bandaged his wounds, fed him our own blood, and fell asleep in bed with him to protect him.” He put a finger under her chin. “If you will let me do that, why won’t you let me save you?” Jessica jerked her face away and pulled her hands from Spike’s grasp.

“I have to make breakfast.” She muttered and raced up the stairs. Xander watched her go, and then fell back onto his pillow with a sigh of frustration.

Spike turned onto his side and propped his head up. “Why?”

Xander closed his eyes and smiled wryly. “Why what? Why did we save you? Why are we treating you nicely? Why is my mother so stubborn?”

“Yeah.”

Xander snorted. “I can’t speak for my mom, but I saved you because…well, you’re my friend.”

“Bollocks.”

Xander opened his eyes angrily. Spike seemed perfectly calm. “You lot hate me with a passion and we both know it.”

Spike watched the boy’s face carefully. He saw a faraway look creep into his brown eyes and the scent of regret wafted from him. “No, actually we all don’t hate you.” Xander focused on him again. “You piss me off, Spike. More than anyone I’ve ever known. Half the time I want to stake you on general principal.”

Spike nodded. That was the Xander he knew.

“But, I’ve gotten used to you. To your sarcastic comments, your balls before brains approach to things. I know none of us show it, but you’re a part of us now. You’re like the black sheep of the Scooby family.”

Spike narrowed his eyes. “You saved my life because I’m a black sheep.”

Xander smacked him lightly on the arm. “No, you undead idiot. I saved you because I can’t imagine what our lives would be like now without you in them. You grow on people, you know. Granted, rather like a fungus, but hey…to each his own.”

“You saved my life because you couldn’t imagine living without me.” Spike deliberately bated the boy and was pleased to see the eyes rolling and the chest heaving in a sigh.

“No, Spike. Did the bleach kill some much needed brain cells? I mean-“

“I know what you mean, whelp,” Spike cut in gently. Xander pushed at him with a bare foot and smiled.

“So why are you treating me nicely, though? I know I don’t grow that well on a person.”

Xander glared at the vamp and then stared straight at the ceiling. “Fine. Believe what you want to, Spike. You will anyway.”

Spike slipped a hand across Xander’s chest noting with interest the quick intake of breath. He pulled the boy’s face toward him. “Tell me.”

Xander blushed. “You were really fucked up, Spike.”

“I know, pet.”

“I’ve never seen you so helpless,” Xander whispered, staring into bottomless blue eyes. “It scared the hell out of me. I didn’t know what to do. I thought we were going to lose you a dozen times last night. Mom seemed to think I had all the answers. I was afraid to tell her I didn’t know how to make you better.”

“You did everything just right, luv.” Spike whispered back. “I’m here. I’m hale and hearty.”

Xander swallowed against the lump in his throat. “Spike, I’m the fucking Zeppo. I can get doughnuts. That’s about the extent of my abilities apart from providing painful distractions so Buffy can kill things. But, last night…last night your life hung in my hands.” He held up the appendages. “In these. Spike, nothing these touch ever works the same again. I fuck everything up. And…” he choked on his words, “I really had no idea how…how much I liked you, relied on you, needed you to be okay, until I looked at your blood coating my hands.”

Tears slipped unnoticed down his face and Spike gently wiped them away with a smooth thumb. “Shhhh,” he breathed, pulling Xander’s face against his own chest. “Shhhh, luv. I’m fine. You took care of me. You and your mum took good care of me.” He continued to murmur reassurances until Xander quieted and stopped shaking.

When Xander pulled away, he flushed and avoided Spike’s gaze. “I should go help Mom with breakfast.”

“I feel just fine now, pet. Why don’t we both go?”

Xander sneaked a glance at Spike and was relieved to see no contempt or snarkiness. He was surprised to see in its place, concern and tenderness. He gave a watery smile and nodded.

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