Title: Lost

Email: tirel@pcnuthut.com

Author: Velvet Crypt

Disclaimer: Joss is God. I own nothing.

Spoilers: Season 6 beginning.

Summary: Spike takes one for the team. Xander makes it worth it.

Like some horrid slow motion sequence, Xander watched the jagged lightening arc from the sky headed straight for the power pole above their heads. Through the torrents of rain, he saw sparks. The demons kicking their asses didn’t seem quite so important anymore, as one of the wires was wrenched free of it’s notch and began sailing for the ground.

He screamed out a warning for all to run, to get out of the water. As though that were possible. The freak thunderstorm, though magically created, spared nothing on the drenching sheets of rain it produced. They’d all be lucky if they could find a place somewhere on the street that wasn’t under water. He could see everyone; including the demons begin to run.

Just as the wire kissed the ground, it was grabbed and held high in the air. Spike wrested for control of the living thing as the power within jerked him around on his feet. Xander stood motionless for a brief moment, wondering what the hell the bleached wonder was doing. That was made clear in the next second.

“Go, you bleedin’ idjit!” The vamp howled at him. “I can’t hold this thing for long.” He stumbled backwards, out of the danger zone, and stared at the insane vamp with dawning horror. Spike was attempting to get as far away from the puddles of water as he could before turning loose of the wire. However, he didn’t count on the stupidity of the demons they’d been fighting.

Just as he turned the hissing snake free, the demon jumped him. He failed to get the momentum needed to carry him to safety. He was pinned under the demon and watched in horror as the wire touched the water he was laying in.

Xander screamed at the same time as the vamp. He watched Spike’s body begin to jump, and then to smoke. Running to the very edge of the newly formed lake, Xander found he could wrap his fingers around the leather duster that was the vamps prized possession. Careful not to let any bit of his flesh touch the water or Spike’s body, he yanked the undead man out of the water.

He just as quickly rolled him back into the water, albeit a puddle on the opposite side of the electrified ocean, as Spike’s shirt caught fire. Vaguely, he became aware of his name being screamed and hands clutching him. Looking around, he saw the other scoobies either glaring at him or crying. He looked down at Spike. The vamps flesh was blackened. He could see where parts of his clothing had fused to him.

Granted, Spike was a killer. He’d threatened them all at some point. But he’d changed lately. And Xander thought it had more to do with the relationships he was building with them all than it did with the chip. And Xander couldn’t help himself. He counted the bleached wonder a friend. A friend who could have run when he saw the lightening hit. Who’s vampiric speed would have put him into safety. Who chose instead to risk his life so that the others could run. He let rational thought fly out the window. He scooped Spike into his arms, wincing at how light he was.

Ignoring the others, he stalked on through the cemetery. There wouldn’t be any more demon fighting tonight. The demons had realized their good fortune and scrambled away when the opportunity presented itself. And he needed to get Spike home.

The rest of the scoobies followed Xander on a straight path from the cemetery to his front door, trading bewildered looks with each other but not speaking. As Xander moved through the final paces of his walkway, Buffy darted in front of him and opened the door. Stepping back quickly, she nonetheless saw the impotent rage consume Xander’s expression when he tried walking through his front door only to be stopped by the body of the vampire.

“For fuck’s sake,” he ground out, “Obviously, I want him to come in if I’m fucking carrying him!” He pushed forward again and was rewarded this time with no resistance. He made a beeline for the couch and gently placed Spike on the cushions.

“Ok, I need some things,” he turned to face the others. Anya walked out of the bedroom and stared in amazement at the charred body on her furniture. “I need some blood. Here…” He reached into his pocket and jerked out a wad of bills.

“Xander, what is Spike doing flaking on my sofa?”

Giles reached out and plucked the cash from Xander’s hand. “I’ll get it. Human blood, I’m assuming?” Xander nodded and Giles took a moment to count the money. “Xander?” He looked up in astonishment. “There’s $300 here!” Xander looked at Giles as though he were a particularly dense child.

“Yes, Giles, I know how much is there. Now go spend it. I need supplies from the store; bandages, antibiotics, burn cream, etc., etc.,” He pulled out another wad of cash. This time Willow took it. She looked warily at it and then at Xander. “Yes, Willow, there’s the same amount there. Now, go! Buy out the store, I don’t care. Just hurry.”

“Xander, why are you giving our money away?”

“I’ll go with Willow,” Buffy shot an irritated look at Anya. Xander nodded.

“Tara, I need some help getting him out of his clothes and into a bath.” She nodded and moved toward the couch.

“Xander! You are not stripping another man on my couch.”

Xander finally met his girlfriend’s gaze. “What the hell is your problem, Anya?” He growled. “Spike, the guy who saved our asses tonight, is hurt. He needs help. I am going to help him. If you want to help, fine. If all you’re going to do is bitch, get the hell out of the way and shut up.”

Anya stared at him in disbelief for long moments. The silence was deafening. Finally, she turned with a flare of her robe and disappeared back in the bedroom with a loud slam of the door. “Fine, now go people,” Xander turned back to Spike as though he hadn’t just told his girlfriend to fuck off in front of all of his friends over an undead male vampire who was making him nauseous with worry.

The others practically ran out of the front door and Xander swung Spike into his arms again. He followed Tara into the bathroom and gently placed Spike on the rug. As Tara ran the bath, he tried to pull off the duster with as little painful actions as possible. Tara joined him in tugging, and they soon had a rhythm in which Xander would gently hold up a body part and Tara would attempt to pry the clothing covering it off.

Eventually, she got up and retrieved a knife. Several times, she had to cut around parts melted onto his flesh. Luckily, his duster remained unscathed, but his boots were an entirely different story. Xander thought for a bit that they’d have to saw the melted plastic and metal off. Eventually, a naked and crisped Spike reclined in the tub. Xander couldn’t even get embarrassed over uncovered things as even they were scorched.

Tara apparently felt the same, because she just handed him a soft sponge and went to work on his legs, leaving Xander to tenderly wipe the flaking skin off of his torso. They worked quietly for long moments. Then…

“You’ve been burned too, haven’t you?”

Xander was slightly surprised, but then, Tara always seemed to know more, to see more than you. “Yeah, how’d you know?”

She lifted a foot and slid the sponge around the mangled toes. “You know how to bathe him to cause the least pain. You knew what to do in the first place. You’re face is full of pain. Both for him and remembered.” She shrugged.

He sighed. “I was 10. My father…well, let’s just say he did things to his son that no father should ever do.” Tara nodded, seemingly not focusing on him. He held back a smile. She was all ears. “While he was…performing… he slugged back some JD and managed to dump it all over my back and ass. He laughed so hard when I started to cry from the alcohol burning the open tears, that he dropped his lit cigarette.”

Tara winced. “My back went up in flames. He ran out, took care of himself. I rolled around on the carpet til the fire was out. He never came back. That night at least. He never asked in the morning if I was okay. I had to take care of 3^rd degree burns on y back by myself at the age of 10.” He snorted a decisive snort. I learned a lot of things about pain that summer.”

They spent the rest of the time in the bathroom in silence. Tara leaving Xander to his thoughts and Xander trying desperately not to think them. When all the ash had been removed and the blisters and reddened skin on Spikes body were visible, Xander reached in and picked the vamp up again. Clutching the wet body close, he moved them back out to the living room.

Just as he was settling the vamp back on the couch, the door opened and the scavenging teams arrived. Giles winced when he saw the state of Spike’s naked body and rushed into the kitchen to warm up some of the just procured blood. Buffy and Willow began emptying bag after bag of medical supplies.

“We had to go to three stores to get this much.” Willow smiled. “But I had them order extra to replace it so in a couple of days, we should be able to buy more.” Xander nodded, all his attention back on the vamp.

“How can I help, Xander?” Tara touched his shoulder lightly. He smiled painfully at her in thanks and gestured to the bags.

“I’, gonna spread the burn cream over him and then mummy him in bandages. You can start at one end like in the bathtub. We’ll meet in the middle.” Tara grabbed one of the tubes and went to work.

He carefully attended each portion of Spike’s body, not even recognizing areas that were previously off limits. He was unaware that he’d begun murmuring comments under his breath. Tara glanced at him, but then wisely let it go. He continued telling Spike how brave he was, how strong he was, how he couldn’t die and leave Xander alone.

When he looked up from placing the final bandage, Giles handed him a mug full of blood. HE glanced at it and then at the unconscious Spike. “Could someone get me the baster out of the kitchen?” Moments later, baster in hand, Xander began Operation Feed Spike. He filled the baster with blood and then gently pried the vampire’s mouth open. Running the tool as far down Spike’s throat as he dared, he released the precious liquid directly down his throat.

His relief was audible as the vamp’s throat worked enough to swallow. He went through several bags of blood before tenderly wiping Spike’s mouth and setting the mug on the table. Turning, he faced the others for the first time that evening, with his total attention.

“I know you all think I’m insane.” He began. Buffy stepped forward and placed a finger over his lips.

“No Xander. We don’t. We were there. We saw what he did for us. Big Bad or not, we’ve kinda gotten used to the big dufus. I don’t know what I can do, but if you do, tell me. I want to help.” Xander smiled against her finger and pulled her into a big hug that soon turned into a group Scooby hug. Even Giles hovered on the outskirts.

“I think you all should go home right now.” He ordered. “I’ll take care of Spike. I’m gonna call work in the morning, use the vacation time I have coming. Go ahead and check on us tomorrow, but tonight, you need rest.” Hesitant acceptance met his order and soon the others were waving goodbye and Xander was shutting the door.

He walked back to Spike and took up position next to his head. And waited.

______________________________

Dawn knocked on the door but when no answer came, she carefully cracked it open and peeked in. Her heart clenched at the sight of the mummy wrapped Spike looking so small on the couch. And then she took in the man at his side. Xander was curled up into a ball, his head resting on the couch. Medicine bottles and discarded blood bags littered the coffee table.

She frowned as she though of the reason she’d come over. Anya had stormed into the Magic Shop, amazingly, she was late. She began ranting and raving about how stupid Xander was. How thoughtless he was being. She berated him for wasting their planned vacation time on nursing a dead man back to health. She screeched about his blowing his cash on frivolous things like blood and bandages. She’d planned on shopping this weekend.

Soon, she’d caught Giles’ eye, which was as irritated as her own, and he gave her permission to go. She took it, and now she was here. Stepping carefully over to the sleeping human, she began picking up the mess. Soon, she had the room back in some semblance of order and she knelt by Xander’s side.

“Xander? Xander, wake up.” She called softly. She was rewarded by bleary brown eyes fluttering at her. “Hi. I came to help.”

Xander sat up and quickly checked on Spike. Only when he was sure the vamp was still resting did he turn and smile at Dawn. “How long have you been here?” He asked in a voice still roughened from sleep.

“Just a few minutes. I picked up a bit, then woke you.” She looked at Spike and bit her lip. “Buffy said it was bad. But this is awful. What can I do to help?”

Xander glanced at his watch. “Well, it’s nearly 4 p.m. Time to change his bandages. You can help with that if you aren’t too modest.” He smiled.

“Sure, no problem. I don’t really see how a charred willy is gonna do it for me though,” she smirked pleased when her comment forced a laugh out of him. “So, how often do you change his dressings?”

“I alternate. One hour I’ll change the bandages, the next I’ll feed him.” He was already at work getting the supplies out. Dawn stared at him for a long moment.

“Every hour?”

“Mmm hmmm,” he replied absently.

“Xander, You went to work yesterday at 5 a.m. You went directly from there to the meeting and then on to patrol. Are you telling me you got up every single hour last night and today?”

“Mmm hmmm. Why?”

“Xander, you’ve been up for almost 36 hours.”

“So? Spike needs to have constant attention. One wrong move and we could lose him.” He raised an eyebrow. :I would have thought that you of all people wouldn’t want that to happen.”

“I don’t! But Xander, you need sleep.”

“I get sleep. I cat nap between hours.”

“Xander!” she was getting frustrated. “A cat nap won’t do it. You’re wearing yourself out. Who’ll take care of Spike if you drive yourself into the ground?” She sighed. “I’m on summer break. Why don’t you let me watch him during the day? You can take over in the evening. That way, you can get some sleep.”

He peered at her intensely. Finally, he seemed to come to a conclusion. “Fine. But let me show you what to do.”

______________________________

“He seems to be doing a lot better.” Dawn shared with the group as they huddled around the kitchen table. “He drinks from a cup now as long as you lean him up. And the 1^st degree burns are totally gone. The 2^nd are fading.” She looked into the living room at her charge and her charge’s keeper. She smiled. “Xander still won’t sleep in his bed. Anya is really pissed.”

“Why won’t he sleep in his own bed?” Willow asked in confusion.

“I think it’s several reasons, myself.” Dawn whispered conspiritally. “First, Anya is a bitch.”

“Dawn!” Buffy admonished half-heartedly.

“Well, she is. She comes home and screams at him. Locks herself in her room and plays with these noisy vibrators and cheesy pornos. She comes out to order take out and pays for it with Xander’s credit card. When she thinks no one is looking, she’s mean to Spike too.” Horrified looks crossed everyone’s face

Dawn nodded. “She pokes him and says really crappy things to him. Xander tells me that Spike may still hear things, so we have to talk positively to him ad tell him how good he’s doing. Anya just tells him how worthless he is and how she hopes he dies anyway. She even dumped out some of his blood until Xander told her that he’d only replace it and that she was dumping a new blouse or pair of shoes down the drain.” She clenched her fists. “I hate her. Anyway, that’s part of it. He stays out here so he doesn’t have to go in there. Also to keep her away from Spike.”

She smiled again. “He wants to be nearby in case I need something. But the big reason is his nightmares, I think.”

“Xander is having nightmares?” Tara asked, worried.

“Yeah. I don’t know what they’re about. He never says anything. He just starts twitching and moaning. Then he jerks awake and the first thing he does is check out Spike. He’ll run his fingers through his hair, or touch that spot being Spike’s ear, where he didn’t get burned. He’ll only go back to sleep after he’s made sure Spike is still there and still okay.”

She glanced at her watch and got up from the table. “Xander, it’s-“ She was interrupted by the high-pitched beeping of a watch alarm. Xander shot up off of the chair and shook his head to clear the fog from if. “-ten o’clock.” She finished with a smile.

“Mmmmm,” he answered groggily. “Which is it?”

“Food.” She replied, and sat back down. Xander rubbed his hands through his hair roughly and moved toward the kitchen. Eyes still half closed, he got a packet of blood, microwaved it, and poured it into a plastic cup without missing a beat. The scoobies watched as he made his way back to the couch.

He set the cup next to the arm and eased Spike into a sitting position. Sliding under him, he braced the vamp on his chest and picked up the cup. Gently, he opened the vamps mouth and began pouring the blood slowly down his throat. As he did, he murmured encouraging words. “Good job, Wil. You’re doing so much better. I’m so proud of you. Drink it all down, now. We want you to get better.”

They watched in amazement as he rocked the vamp back and forth slightly. The bedroom door opened and they were distracted by the sight of Anya storming out.

She took in the scene on the couch and rolled her eyes. “Is the baby still suckling, Xanny-mum?” She sneered.

Xander sighed and continued to pour. “I’m hungry, Xander. Give me your credit card. I want to order something.”

Dawn snorted and looked at the others as if to say, ‘see?’

“The card is on the table where you left it the last time you ordered food, Anya.” Xander said quietly.

She didn’t seem placated. “The others are here. Why don’t you let them monster sit for a while and take me out to dinner?” She wheedled.

“No, Anya. It’s my turn. Dawn sat with him all day and the others don’t know what to do. Besides, I’m enjoying myself.” He finished a bit snippily.

Anya flushed in anger and strode up to the back of the couch. Grinding her teeth, she snatched the cup from Xander’s hand and jerked Spike’s mouth open. With a vicious smile, she rammed the cup into his face and dumped the whole thing down into his mouth. Rivulets of blood poured down his face, soaking his bandages. Xander could see a new cut where the cup pinched his lip between it and his teeth.

“There. Now he’s been fed. Get up and come to dinner with me.” She threw the cup onto Spike’s chest. Dawn was up and running for the couch. The three other girls stood in horror.

As soon as Dawn reached the couch, Xander gently transferred his precious cargo into her arms and stood. He moved so quickly, that no one realized his intentions until he had Anya pinned to the wall by her throat. Leaning closely in to her face, he bared his teeth.

“I have had just about fucking well enough of you, Anyanka.” He growled. “I’m tired of your whining. I’m tired of your tantrums. I’m tired of listening to crappy 70’s porno music while you fingerfuck yourself. I’m sick of your demands for sex. I’m sick of feeling inadequate. I’m sick of you telling me I’m inadequate. I need to help Spike. I need to have support from people who love me. I need to be wanted for more than my pocketbook and my crappy but plentiful performance in bed.”

He smiled at the look on her face. “I’m fed up with you stockpiling your money away for a rainy day, but demanding that I keep you like a queen. I’m fed up with tiptoeing around your insecurities while you throw mine in my face and then share them with everyone we know. I don’t love you anymore, Anya. I’m trying really hard, but I can’t really remember why I loved you in the first place.”

He dropped her. “We are finished. I’m going to beg my friends for a place to stay tonight, and then I’m going to take my vampire and leave. I will be back tomorrow to remove whatever personal belongings I still have after you shred everything I own to bits. You can have the apartment. You can have the furniture. You can have the fucking car. I don’t care.”

“All I want is my dignity back and my vampire. You can have everything else.” He turned away and strode to the couch. “Is he okay, Dawnie?” He gently ran his hand over the platinum locks. Dawn nodded and glared at Anya. Xander turned to the girls.

“May I please stay at your place for tonight?” He asked tonelessly. “We’ll be gone tomorrow evening,”

Buffy shook her head. “No, you won’t. We have a 4^th bedroom that’s only been used for storage. While you’re collecting your things here tomorrow, I’ll clean it out and you and Spike can stay there for as long as you like.” She smiled and moved to embrace Xander in a bone-crushing hug.

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