Chapter 34

“How are you feeling?” Xander’s voice was soft; Spike could barely hear it over the roar of the shower. Xander’s warm fingers were scrubbing the blood and dust out of his hair, smoothing it over the contours of his skull with infinite gentleness. Spike shrugged. “Could ask you the same thing,” he replied. Xander finished rinsing his lover’s hair, and then rested his forehead between Spike’s shoulder blades. “Relieved. I feel relieved. It’s finally over.” He turned so that his cheek rested against Spike’s tense back and wrapped his arms around the vampire’s narrow waist. “I’m also sorry. I don’t know what to say to you. It’s got to hurt to lose your sire.” Spike barked a bitter laugh. “It does. Now I know how Angel felt when he had to dust Darla.”

They stood in silence for long moments, and then Spike straightened and reversed their positions, bringing Xander under the shower’s spray and turning him so they were face to face. The human’s brown eyes closed as the water cascaded over his face. Spike took the opportunity to look at him, staring unabashedly. He wondered what the future held for them. He had been telling the truth - Dru's death did hurt him. But what hurt him more was the fear he felt in the pit of his belly – the fear that with his vendetta completed, Xander might decide to return home and leave him. Xander’s eyes opened, and he looked at Spike for a moment with a sad smile. He then leaned in and kissed the vampire sweetly. They clung together until the water started to cool, and then exited the shower together.

Xander stood on one leg to dry the opposite foot. His balance faltered and Spike steadied him. “You look pale, pet,” he observed. “I think I took too much blood from you back in the warehouse.” Xander smiled. “I’m a little faded, but I’ll be OK. I know Angel and Buffy’s blood probably did more for you, but it was important to me that you have mine, too.” Spike walked Xander into the bedroom and pushed him down to sit on the bed. He used the bath towel to gently dry Xander’s hair, and then knelt between the human’s feet, looking up into his eyes. “That little bit of your blood did more for me than a gallon of sire’s blood or Slayer’s blood, Xander.”

Xander smiled and raised one hand to trace over the spot on Spike’s neck that he’d bitten previously. “I’m sorry my mark couldn’t stay,” he said wistfully. Spike’s eyes widened. “You’d want it to?” Xander rubbed the spot harder, but didn’t answer. He leaned down and bit the spot gently, digging his teeth in harder when Spike groaned. Xander’s hand reached blindly for Spike’s and brought it between the human’s legs to press against his erection. “I want you,” Xander hissed, and cool fingers curled around him and began to slide up and down. Spike rose to his feet and pushed his lover back on the bed, never breaking contact, and coming to rest beside him against the pillows.

Xander shifted onto his side and pulled Spike close, bringing their lengths into contact. They started to move in a gentle rhythm. Xander curled his hands into Spike’s hair and brought their mouths together in a deep kiss. Their tongues moved at the same pace as their hips, and their groans and whimpers escalated. Xander pulled his lips from Spike’s to drag in necessary breaths. He tilted the vampire’s head to one side, pressing wet, open-mouthed kisses to the pale column of his neck, following up with tiny nips to sensitive spots.

Spike’s hands roamed Xander’s warm back, pressing into firm muscle and gliding across sweat-slick skin. A million words were running through his mind; some of them even made sense. He wanted to open his mouth and pour them out, but was afraid that if he started talking he’d never stop. He wanted to tell Xander what he was feeling; to articulate and catalogue every sensation the human was causing in his body. Lust, fear, hope and love broke over him like waves each cresting and receding, pulling him between them. Finally, he gave up and let his mind drift in the maelstrom of emotions as he dragged Xander’s mouth to his and crushed them together, snaking one hand between their bodies to encircle both of their erections and pump them in a rough rhythm.

Xander felt himself ready to come much too soon and broke the kiss to try and catch his breath. Spike was also close to orgasm, so he refused to let the pace slacken. When Xander started to gasp, Spike turned his head to one side, again baring his neck to his lover. Xander licked a long, wet line up the pale length and then whispered “together” into Spike’s ear. Spike nodded, slipping into game face. They each bit deeply into the other’s neck, pushing them over the edge into release.

Spike was careful to take only a tiny amount of blood from Xander, but let the human drink deeply from him for a moment. They lay quietly together, fingers tracing idle circles on muscled backs and through damp hair, listening to the sounds of nighttime that filtered in through the open window. Finally, Xander shifted to retrieve the towel and cleaned them both up, wiping away semen and blood. He balled up the towel and flung it toward the bathroom, then ran his fingers gently over Spike’s cheekbone. The vampire turned his face to the side and kissed the warm hand. His voice was muffled as he asked, “What’s next, Xan?”

Xander turned onto his back and placed one hand behind his head. With the other hand, he drew Spike’s head down onto his shoulder. “Well,” he began, haltingly. “I need to ask you another favor, Will.” Before he could stop it, the word “anything” slipped out of Spike’s mouth. Xander hugged the slightly smaller form to him and laughed. “Don’t say that until I ask – you might get yourself into trouble.” Spike raised his head to smile at Xander. “That’s where I stay, mate. What is it?”

“I want you to come back to Atlanta with me,” he said. When Spike’s eyes widened, he added, “you and Angel and Buffy. I need to fulfill a promise.” At Spike’s quizzical look, he explained, “I promised Shari’s father that I would find the person who killed her and Lex and make them pay. I thought it only right that the three of you should come with me. I think that it will give him and her mother some peace.” Spike simply nodded, then laid his head back onto Xander’s shoulder.

Xander’s stomach growled loudly, and Spike laughed. He rolled out of the bed, dragging Xander with him. The two men crouched naked on the floor, digging through the duffel bags they had neglected to unpack in their hurried arrival. They each found boxers and t-shirts and pulled them on. “What’s this?” Spike said, snagging the corner of a wrapped box he spied poking out of Xander’s bag. Xander smiled nervously. “That? Oh, it’s a present.” Spike lifted an eyebrow. “For me?” Xander reached out and ran a finger over the plain blue paper. He cleared his throat, and then simply gestured for the vampire to open the package. Spike ripped the paper and opened the box. He pulled out a v-necked, pale grey silk t-shirt. He pulled it out of the box and rubbed the soft fabric against his face.

He looked more closely at it, and then looked at his lover. “Um, Xan – this is nice, but it isn’t my size.” The human reached out to touch the fabric lightly and took a shuddering breath. “It’s for me,” he whispered. Spike looked from the shirt to Xander and back again, not getting it. He looked at the shirt. The grey shirt. The grey and not black shirt. “Oh,” he said. “Oh,” Xander repeated, looking down at the carpet. Spike gently draped the shirt over Xander’s shoulder and rubbed his hand over it. He waited until their eyes met, and said, “When you’re ready, luv, when you’re ready.” Xander stood and folded the shirt and placed it on the dresser. He reached down and pulled Spike to his feet, kissing him lightly on the lips. Yet another loud growl from Xander’s stomach sent them down to the kitchen for a snack.