Chapter 36

The limousine prowled slowly through the cemetery. In the gathering twilight, the tombstones and monuments cast long shadows and the neatly pruned trees reached up into the violet sky. The car stopped, and Xander exited it, slipping carefully out the door to be sure no stray sunlight penetrated the cool sanctuary behind tinted windows. He walked around to the front of the car. The driver’s window lowered smoothly and the uniformed chauffeur handed Xander a bunch of Stargazer lilies. Xander nodded and watched as the window slid back into place. He ran a hand through his hair, following it down past his collar, noticing for the first time how long it was getting. He took a deep breath and started up the path.

This cemetery was remarkably well kept. The gravesites were weed-free, and several areas held benches and fountains complete with landscaping designed to provide a discreet retreat for grieving loved ones. Xander walked the path without thinking; not needing to engage his brain at all as his feet took him to the familiar spot. Shari’s stone was black, and the interior of the incised words was picked out in a silvery grey. Under her name and dates it simply said, “Adored Daughter, Beloved Wife, Loving Mother, Cherished Friend.” Leaning against it was a smaller stone. It was gray, and simply said “Lex”. Xander had had it custom-made – the name was in Shari’s precise, flowing script.

A small bouquet of spring flowers rested on the grave. It was tied with a ribbon and had a glass vial around the stems to hold water. Next to it rested a toy train. Xander knew that these were from Shari’s parents. A vase attached to the base of the stone held slightly faded lilies identical to the ones Xander had brought. He had a standing order for their weekly delivery. He removed the blossoms and replaced them with the ones he carried. He sat cross-legged on the soft grass and laid his hand on the front of Lex’s marker, tracing the whorls of his name. He slowly moved his hand to Shari’s stone and traced the word “wife” in the inscription.

Xander remembered the many days he’d sat in this exact place and traced the carved words on both stones again and again, unable to do more than stare at them and cry. His heart was heavy, but his eyes were dry, his expression resolved. “I got her, honey,” he whispered. “I got the one who took you from me.” He paused, then dropped his hands into his lap and looked up at her name. “I got something else, too – something I never expected. I got some old friends back. They aren’t a substitute for you, just more people to love.” He drew in a shaky breath and smiled at the monument. “Back when we were dating and I would get jealous of your male friends, you’d always tell me that love doesn’t divide – it multiplies. Well, I finally got it. Letting myself love Buffy and Willow and Dawn and Cordelia again made me understand, and it’s helped me so much.”

He picked up the toy train and played with it absently as he spoke. “I miss you, Shari, and I miss Lex. I miss our life. For a while there, I didn’t think I was going to make it. When I went to Sunnydale, I really didn’t care if I lived or died, as long as I got Dru.” His hands clenched as he remembered his fury upon seeing her standing over Spike with the stake. “And I got her – killed her with my own hands and watched her dust fall. For a minute, when she died, you and Lex were all I could think of. For one perfect second, the two of you were with me. Then you were gone, and Buffy and Angel and Spike were with me. You would have liked them. You and Buffy would have talked fashion and ass-kicking, and you and Angel could have discussed poetry.” He paused and wiped his eyes roughly with the back of his hand. “You and Spike - I could see the two of you drinking beer and arguing about, well, anything. He would have given you a run for your money in the smart remarks department. You and Dawn could’ve talked babies, and you would even have liked Cordy – probably taken her down a few pegs, too, when she needed it. And Willow – God, you’d have loved Willow.”

Xander’s shoulders slumped, and he put the toy train down reverently by Lex’s marker. “I’m so sorry, honey. I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you things, that I hid such a big part of my life from you. I just wanted to have a normal life. I just wanted you and our son to have one, too. I should have known better. I always prided myself on not keeping secrets, on always showing my true face, but that was a lie. I should have told you. I should have trusted you enough, and I’m sorry I didn’t.” He sighed and rose to his knees. “I’m not going to make that mistake again, Shari. I have a chance to have something extraordinary with Spike, with Will, and I’m going to do my best to make it good. I think he and I can be good together.” He stood and placed his hand on the top of the gravestone. “I won’t ever stop loving you and Lex. Never. If you can see me or hear me, I hope I can make you as proud as you always made me.” He stood quietly for a moment, and then turned back to the manicured path. As he turned the corner, he could see the dark limousine and the figure standing by the door. Spike had worn dark trousers and a light sweater under a three-quarter-length leather jacket, and he stood with his hands in his pockets staring up the hill, looking for Xander.

Xander thought he looked beautiful in the moonlight, his pale hair and skin glowing against the dark leather of his coat. He walked slowly down the hill and stopped in front of the vampire. “You OK, luv?” Spike asked. Xander nodded, and then leaned forward to place a soft kiss on his lips. “Yeah,” he said, “I’m OK.” They shared a smile, and then climbed into the car to join Angel and Buffy.

The driver wound his way expertly through the residential area. Buffy reached into the limousine’s refrigerator and pulled out two bottles of water, passing one to Xander, who nodded gratefully. “You don’t think the limo’s going to be too much?” she asked, her nose wrinkling. The car pulled up to a large gated lot and the driver stopped to speak into an intercom box. The gates slid open and the car moved up the driveway. Xander looked up at the large, dramatically lit house they were approaching and told Buffy, “Nope.” Her mouth dropped open and she replied, “I guess not.” The house was modern in style, and its white walls gleamed, details picked out by small spotlights from the lawn. The lawn itself was manicured and beautifully landscaped. The car pulled into the circular drive and the driver got out to open the door. Xander squeezed Spike’s hand once and climbed out.

As soon as his feet hit the ground, the front door of the house opened and a petite Japanese woman skipped lightly down the shallow stairs. She ran to Xander and threw her arms around him. Spike could hear her repeating his name softly as she clung to his much larger frame. A medium sized Japanese man came down the stairs at a more sedate pace, but he, too, was beaming at Xander. Spike, Angel and Buffy stood back as he approached the group. Xander set the woman down on her feet, but she refused to let go of one of his hands, wrapping both of her small ones around it. Xander and the man shook hands, and at his father-in-law’s serious look, Xander nodded. The older woman caught the exchange and gasped, raising one hand to cover her mouth. She then lifted Xander’s hand to her face and pressed it against her cheek. Her eyes were full of tears. Xander raised his other hand to cup her cheek and smiled at her sadly.

The others watched the exchange with grave expressions on their faces, and Buffy reached out to place one hand on the back of each vampire. They both moved a step closer to her. At their slight movement, Xander turned. “Let’s go inside,” he said, “we can do the introductions there.” They all walked to the door, and Xander made a point of inviting them in by name. As they entered, Buffy, Angel and Spike looked around curiously at the house, which was decorated in a combination of contemporary pieces and Asian antiques. In the large foyer, Xander made a sweeping gesture toward his friends. He smiled at his parents-in-law. “Mama Lily, Lee – these are my friends. This is Angel, and Buffy and William.” Everyone shook hands, and Angel and Spike noticed that Lee looked at both of them very carefully before shaking their hands and nodding. Buffy was surprised to note that while Lee still had a trace of a Japanese accent, Lily’s was pure Southern. She shook her head a little and smiled when Lily invited them into the kitchen, addressing the entire group as “y’all”.

Once they were all seated around the kitchen table with glasses of iced tea, Lee surprised his guests by looking at Xander closely and asking softly, “You killed the one who took Shari and Lex, yes?” Xander met his eyes and nodded. “Yes. My friends helped me.” Lee stared at Xander for another long moment, then nodded sharply. “Good,” he said. He looked at the other three in turn, each for a long moment. Still looking into Spike’s eyes, he asked, “You love him, yes?” All three nodded. Lee jerked his head in a short nod again, and then looked at Xander with a grin. “You hungry, Xan?” Xander nodded enthusiastically, and everyone except Lily rolled their eyes. She jumped up, and moments later placed an elaborate tray of delicate sushi on the table, passing around chopsticks.

They dug in, and after a few moments they were all talking and laughing. Spike noticed the care with which the older couple treated Xander. It was obvious that they loved him as their son. He basked in their attention, like a child who’d brought home a perfect report card receiving praise. However, he didn’t leave his friends out of the warm circle he shared with his family. He got Lily and Angel started on a conversation about literature, and soon had Lee showing Buffy the long shelf of obscure kitchen implements that decorated the kitchen. Xander leaned back in his chair and expertly swept up a tuna roll with his chopsticks and popped it into his mouth. Spike turned to face him. “They’re very nice,” the vampire said, “I like them.” Xander swallowed his mouthful and grinned. “They’re awesome – like the parents I always wanted and never had.” Spike nodded, and then his expression turned sad. “Will you stay with them when you move back home?” he asked, looking down. Xander’s smile broadened and he leaned in closer, so his lips were only an inch away from Spike’s ear. “No,” he said simply, and leaned back. Spike shivered at the sensation of Xander’s warm breath in his ear, and looked up to find the human sitting back in his chair, grinning at him. He opened his mouth to ask another question, but was cut off when the others moved back to the table.

The conversation ebbed and flowed. Lee and Lily never asked for details about Drusilla, and the others never offered them. Over the course of the evening, Lily had deftly managed to separate Angel, Buffy and Spike from the group in turn and express her gratitude with simple words and a fierce hug. Finally, she excused herself from the group, pleading exhaustion. Xander hugged her tenderly and kissed her soft cheek. “I love you, Mama,” he whispered against her silky black hair that was so much like Shari’s. Over her shoulder he caught Buffy’s gaze, and could see the tears that welled up in her eyes. Turning, Lily also saw them, and she walked to the Slayer’s side and pulled her into a gentle hug. Buffy hugged the tiny woman back, then watched as she walked up the stairs. Angel rubbed her back soothingly and dropped a kiss on her temple while she wiped her eyes.

Lee returned to the group and ushered them into a beautifully decorated study. They ranged themselves across two leather couches, and Lee poured them all brandies. He sat in a wing chair across from them and looked down into his glass as he swirled the amber liquid. He took a short sip, and then turned to Xander. “Son,” he said, “I owe you much gratitude. I won’t ask for details, but I need to know that there won’t be any legal ramifications for all of you, regarding Shari’s killer.” Xander reached out and laid his hand on his father-in-law’s knee. “It’s all taken care of, Lee. You don’t have to worry about us.” Lee smiled and relaxed. He turned his gaze to the others in turn. “I owe each of you a debt of gratitude, you are all welcome in my home at any time.” He sighed, and then looked at Xander again. “You aren’t coming back here, are you, Xan?” he asked. “Not to stay.” Xander’s smile was sad. “No, Lee. My plan is to stay in California for a while, if my friends will have me.” He felt Spike lay one hand flat on his back, and leaned into the contact slightly. Lee nodded. “Then I have no doubt that you will be well cared for,” he said.

They all relaxed and finished their brandies. Xander announced their intention to leave, and Buffy herded Angel and Spike outside after the men exchanged handshakes and she hugged Lee hard. Once they were alone, Lee turned to Xander and smiled gently. “We will miss you, Xan,” he said. “I hope that you are able to find some happiness in California. If you ever need us …” His voice trailed off into silence. Xander hugged the smaller man to him briefly. “I will, Lee. I’ll always need you. I’ll miss you both.” Lee ushered him to the door and stood watching as the limousine pulled away.

Inside the car, all was quiet. Buffy sat in the shelter of Angel’s arms, and Xander and Spike sat side by side, shoulders touching. The driver pulled up at the hotel and opened the door. They filed out of the car and entered the elevators in silence. Angel turned to Xander. “When do you want to go back?” he asked. Xander looked at him thoughtfully. “Tomorrow night is fine – I’m done here,” he said. Angel nodded, and he and Buffy exited the elevator on their floor. At their own floor, Spike and Xander got off the elevator and walked slowly to the door of their suite. Xander unlocked it and ushered the vampire inside.