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Thank you uncle Harry for your assistance. I see your map came in handy. So glad you all made it to page 2 of Jokes & Quotes. We have plenty of laughs to share. Shall we proceed?
~ 1 ~
Joke
To all my friends who have sons.....and those who don't.....
Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of Tampax and proceeded to the check-out counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied. The man continued, "Do you know how these are used?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They are for my brother, he's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. He can't do either one.
~ 2 ~
Quote
"You've got to get up every morning with determination if you're going to go to bed with satisfaction."
~~ George Lorimer ~~
~ 3 ~
Joke
Letters to God from children:
Dear God, Please put another holiday between Christmas and Easter. There is nothing good in there now.
Ginny ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
Thank you for the baby brother but what I asked for was a puppy. I never asked for anything before. You can look it up. Joyce ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Mr. God,
I wish you would not make it so easy for people to come apart. I had to have 3 stitches and a shot.
Janet ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
If we come back as something, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton - because I hate her.
Denise ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you will not hurt him anyway. Your friend, (I am not going to tell you who I am). ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
I read the Bible. What does begat mean? Nobody will tell me. Love,
Alison ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
How did you know you were God?
Charlene ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
Anita ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
I bet it's very hard for you to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it. Nan ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
Did you really mean Do Unto Others As They Do Unto You, because if you did then I'm going to fix my brother.
Darla ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
I like the story about Chanuka the best of all of them. You really made up some good ones.
Glenn ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
My Grandpa says you were around when he was a little boy. How far back do you go?
Love, Dennis ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
Who draws the lines around the countries? Nan ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
It's O.K. that you made different religions but don't you get mixed up sometimes?
Arnold ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
Did you mean for giraffe to look like that or was it an accident? Norma ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
In Bible times did they really talk that fancy? Jennifer ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything. Jane ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
How come you did all those miracles in the old days and don't do any now?
Seymour ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
Please send Dennis Clark to a different camp this year. Peter ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother. Larry ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
I keep waiting for spring but it never did come yet. Don't forget. Mark ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
You don't have to worry about me. I always look both ways. Dean ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
My brother told me about being born but it doesn't sound right. Marsha ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
If you watch in Church on Sunday I will show you my new shoes. Mickey D. ~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I am sure you will enjoy this" ...
Dear God,
Is Reverend Coe a friend of yours, or do you just know him through business? Donny ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
In Sunday School they told us what you do. Who does it when you are on Vacation?
Jane ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School they said you did it. So I bet he stoled your Idea.
Sincerely, Donna ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
I do not think anybody could be a better God. Well, I just want you to know but I am not just saying that because you are God.
Charles ~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
It is great the way you always get the Stars in the right places. Jeff ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
I am doing the best I can. It's hard sometimes. Frank ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear God,
I didn't think orange went with purple until I saw the sunset you made on Tuesday. That was Cool. Thank you,
Eugene
~ 4 ~
Joke
"These are actual notes to the milkman"!
* "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one."
* "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk."
* "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it"
* "Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk."
*
"Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks."
* "Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round."
* "When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because
I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress."
* "Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights 'Sopranos. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened."
* My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle."
* "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me."
* "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it."
* "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk."
* My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table, because we want to play bingo tonight."
*
"Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday...or is it today ?"
* "When you come with the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk."
*
"No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice."
~ 5 ~
Joke
Church marquee signs:
*The best vitamin for a Christian is B1.
*Under same management for over 2000 years!
*Soul food served here.
*Tithe if you love Jesus! Anyone can honk!
*Don't wait for the hearse to take you to church.
*Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
*Life has many choices. Eternity has two. What's yours?
*Worry is interest paid on trouble
before it is due.
*Wal-Mart isn't the only saving place!
*Prevent truth decay. Brush up on your Bible.
*It's hard to stumble when you're
down on your knees.
*What part of "Thou Shalt Not"
don't you understand?
*A clear conscience make a soft pillow.
*The wages of sin is death.
Repent before payday.
*Never give the devil a ride.
He will always want to drive.
*Can't Sleep? Try counting your blessings.
*Forbidden fruit creates many jams.
*Christians, keep the faith...but not from others!
*Satan subtracts and divides.
God multiplies and multiplies.
*To belittle is to be little.
*Don't let the littleness in others
bring out the littleness in you.
*God answers knee-mail.
*Try Jesus. If you don't like Him,
the devil will always take you back.
~ 6 ~
Joke
One Shoe:
A tourist driving through the Deep South passes a young boy walking along wearing only one shoe.
The tourist stops his car and asks the boy, "Did you lose a shoe?"
"Nope," the boy replies. "Found one."
~ 7 ~
Joke
Wittle Wabbit
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest lisp
" Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wabbits"?
The shopkeeper gets down on his knees so that he's on her level and ask's. "Do you want a wittle white wabbit or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabbit or maybe one like that cute wittle bwown wabbit over there"?
She in turn puts her hands on her knees, leans farward and says in a quiet voice "I don't fink my python weally givths a thit".
~ 8 ~
A Joke & A Quote
"Help a friend in need, and they'll never forget you. especially when they're in need again".
~ 9 ~
Cute Joke
Smiling Through The Storm
There was a little girl who walked to and from school every day. One day, though the weather that morning was questionable and clouds were forming, she set out on her daily trek to the elementary school. As the afternoon progressed, the winds whipped up, along with thunder and lightning. Her mother was concerned that her daughter would be frightened as she walked home from school and she herself feared that the electrical storm might harm her child. Following the roar of thunder, lightning, like a flaming sword, was cutting through the sky. Concerned, the mother quickly got into her car and drove along the route to her child's school. As she did so, she saw her little girl walking along, but at each flash of lightning, the child would stop, look up and smile at the sky. Another and another flash of lighning followed and with each the little girl would look up at the streak of light and smile. The mother pulled her car up beside the child, and she lowered the window and called to her, "What are you doing? Why do you keep stopping?" The little girl answered, "I am trying to look pretty! God keeps taking my picture."
May God bless you today as you face any storms that come your way! And don't forget to SMILE!
~ 10 ~
Quote
Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere
~*~
This concludes page 2 of Jokes & Quotes. I would like to introduce you to a local friend who has volunteered to guide you to page 3. His name is Felix. A very friendly and nice young man.
Or, if you would like to make the trip yourself you can click on to "NEXT" under the guest books. You will be transported to page 3. Hope to see you there :)
