-JUMP Sept/98-
Breaking Up & Making Up: How Do Guys Really Feel?
Don't let the SMOOTH moves,slick DEMEANORS and dreamy
harmonies fool you.The MEMBERS of ENGLAND'S hot new soul
/rap/pop act FIVE experience BROKEN hearts just like the
rest of us.Here,hey are all (well, almost)about falling
in LOVE,getting dumped and picking up the PIECES.
Describe your worst breakup ever.
J: My first girlfriend and I used to argue all the time.
If I got annoyed,I'd tell her it was over and storm out
of the house.Then she'd follow me and we'd make up.It
was always me ending it.But a week before my 18th
birthday,my girlfriend ended it.When I called her to
make up,she really stuck to her guns and didn't want to
get back together.It really,really killed me because I'd
been with her for four years.
Abs: I'm still with my first girlfriend and we've never
broken up.
Sean: I was going out with this girl for a long time.I
was really into her,but then I went on a trip and met
another girl.When I went home,I couldn't treat her the
same.I didn't tell her about the other girl,but I think
she just knew.
Rich: I'd just turned 17 and had been going out with
this girl for about a year.She was my first love.Then
she went away to Greece and met someone else.She broke
my heart big time.
Scott: My girlfriend broke up with me when I went away
to record with the group.She couldn't handle not being
able to see me.
Why do you think she dumped you?
J: We were arguing to much and she couldn't take it
anymore.
Scott: Most girls seem to like horrible guys.I'm a nice
person and I'm not going to change for any girl.
Rich: It's true.Women like jerks.I used to be sooo nice
to my ex-girlfriend,and she'd just start arguing for no
reason.Often,when you're in love,people play games.Why
can't it just be like: I love you,and you love me,so let's
just be nice?But now,she tells me no one treats her as
nicely as I did.
Would you ever get back with her now?
Scott: Never.She ruined everything.Besides,I see other
people now.But I'll always hold a special place in my
heart for her.
J: I have a soft spot for my ex,but we both know it
wouldn't work out if we got back together.
Rich: Now my ex is actually one of my best friends.We
get along really well,but it took about four months to
be friends again.
Abs: If I did break up with my girlfriend,I wouldn't
talk to her ever again.
What would be the last straw for you in a relationship?
Sean: If she slept with another guy.
J: Anything to do with another guy,it's just over
straight away.Even if I found out she didn't do anything
but was thinking about it.
Abs: If you didn't love her,or she didn't love you
anymore.
Scott: Too much complaining.Usually that means the
relationship isn't working out,and it's time to just end
it.
Rich: Yeah,there's no point in hanging on.If you know it's
finished...
Scott: ...don't drag it out.
Rich: If they're really into you,and you know that it's
not for you,you need to be honest.Obviously it's not
fair to stay with that person.
J: You know all those times when you say it's over but
you know deep in you heart it isn't?There comes a time
when you just know.You say it's over and you actually
mean it.
Which is better,breaking up in person,or on the phone?
Sean: My girlfriend and I broke up over the phone.I
don't think it really matters.If you're breaking up,just
break up.
Abs: Not the phone!If you're in a relationship for six
months or so,then you ought to be able to do it face to
face.
J: If you've been with someone for a long time,you
should do it in person.Once I had to do it by phone
because I was on tour.It was awful.
Scott: My girlfriend broke up with me on the phone,and
I've done it too.I was dating this girls and I realized
I didn't really like her,so I just did it.I don't think
it really matters.
Rich: No way!It has to be face-to-face.
What's the longest you've been broken up and then gotten
back together?
Sean: I went out with this girl when I was about nine.
She was the first girl I ever kissed.Five years later we
started dating again.
J: Four or five months.
Scott: The girl I've been talking about,we used to break
up and get back together all the time.The longest was
three days,and the shortest about 15 minutes.
Rich: I first went out with this girl who dumped me when
I was 11.We got back together five years later.
What made you want to get back together?
Sean: As soon as I saw her I just felt all warm inside
and I knew.
J: I just missed her.I can see myself having a little
something with her at some stage in life.I don't think
I'll ever be able to forget her.
Have you ever cried over a breakup?
Sean: Oh yeah,buckets.
Abs: No,because I"ve never broken up,but I've cried when
I missed my girlfriend.
J: Yes.
Scott: Yeah,big time.
Rich: Definately.
Can you be friends with ex-girlfriends?
Sean: When you break up,you always say you'll try to
remain friends,but you can't.It's too hard.Especially if
I see her with another guy.It makes me feel a bit small
because I'm not going out with her; someone else is and
she looks happy.
J: I've only maintained a friendship with one
ex-girlfriend - the one I was with for four years.
Sean: But it's not like you're friends,is it?
J: Well,no.It's just that I can phone her up anytime and
have a deep conversation,but it's not in me to stay
friends.It hurts too much.
Scott: If I couldn't have her as my girlfriend,I
wouldn't want to be friends.I'd probably get jealous of
her going off with other guys.
Rich: Initially,I felt exactly the same,but after time
passed it was fine.I just want her to be happy.
Have parents (hers or yours) ever contributed to a
breakup?
Sean: None of my girlfriends' parents have ever like me.
They thought I was a delinquent.I think when I broke up
with my last girlfriend,her parents were part of the
reason.Her dad was hassling her because he didn't want
her to see me.
Abs: My girlfriend's dad is Turkish and thought she
should marry a Turkish guy.But we knew it was right and
stuck together.
Would you ever date one of your friends' ex-girlfriends?
J: You don't go near friends' ex-girlfriends.It's an
unwritten rule.If any of your friends ever do that to
you,they get one of these [shakes his fist].
Sean: And they're no longer a friend.
Scott: No chance.I wouldn't feel right going out with a
girl knowing my friend had been with her.
Rich: No,but once I had this best mate offer to sort out
an argument I was having with my girlfriend at a party.
He was gone for ages.Then when he came back,he couldn't
look me in the eye.I knew he'd been messing with my
girlfriend,so I took him outside.
What's you best tactic for making up?
Sean: You ring her up and tell her all your feelings,
genuinely and truly.Buy her a necklace and some flowers.
Abs: It's best to make up before the night's over.
J: I'd go to her house with loads of flowers - roses and
things like that.
Rich: I would do whatever it takes - buy her flowers,
special things - all the noble things.
Scott: No flowers.I'd just say,"I really like you and if
there's any chance you still like me,then let's sort it
out."I'd just leave it at that and go away.If she wants
me,she'll come around.
What's the best thing about making up?
Scott: It's when you think you might be finished,then
everything gets sorted out.Then there's that big hug
afterwards.
Rich: Just hugging and kissing.It's more about taking
the weight off your shoulders.
