As with all logs, no females are permissed to become
enraged with Bronson over the content of his logs.
Any
who may become so, are asked not to further peruse this document.
1. College Chicks
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
4. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from
getting laid.
5. Baywatch
6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7. The bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or
gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channel, you don't have
to stall on every shot of someone crying.
12. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
15. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy
phrase "Fuck it!"
16. The world is your urinal!
17. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support
group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to
panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The porn rack is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of
thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humor in "Terms of Endearment".
26. Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
27. You never have to clean the toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
29. We can't be whores.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he
or she can still be your friend.
34. You know stuff about tanks.
33. The American National College Cheerleading Championship
34. None of your peers have the power to make you
cry.
35. You don't have to shave below your neck.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy ass
every night.
37. If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face stays its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president.
43. You get to drive places.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's
feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking
hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything and not worry about what
people think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Ricky Martin doesn't exist.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you
walk into the room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your bedroom if a friend
is coming by.
56. A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices
your new haircut.
59. You can watch a game in silence with your buddy
for hours without thinking: He must be mad at me.
60. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff
around everywhere you go.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to
mean your lover is about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. A beer gut does not make you invisible to the
opposite sex.
64. One mood, all the time.
65. You can admire Tom Green without starving yourself to
look like him.
66. You never have to drive to another store because
this one's just too scary.
67. You understand why farting is funny.
68. You can sit with your knees apart no matter what
you are wearing.
69. Same work....more pay.
70. Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an
emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding Dress $3000; Tux rental $150.
73. You don't care if someone is talking about you
behind your back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double
the earth's population in 15 tries, at least in
theory.
75. #6, ketchup on the burger.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote is yours and yours alone.
78. People rarely glance at your chest when you're
talking to them.
79. Sportsdesk
80. You can go out in public wearing your
underwear.... and nobody notices.
81. Bachelor parties whomp ass over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with
your doctor.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper
imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go
to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you
will, he won't tell your friends you've changed.
86. You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
87. Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
88. If an other guy shows up at the party in the same
outfit, you might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is virtually
expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity
because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is
funny.
93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can
bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your
feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays
and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person does not eliminate having
great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with:
"So... notice anything different?"
99. Gay Bashing
100. Hockey Night In Canada.
