Christine's (Computer) Screen Test

Exhibit A: She's not a Justin Luva

How'd she EVAH win them over with a Justin commentary? Deciding to dissect Justin's witty AOL reparte, my jaded, old lady remarks are in italics. Read on, dear cybersurfers...

Exclusive Interview with 'N Sync's Justin Timberlake, Friday, January 15, 1999
You voted for Justin speak for yourself and 'N Sync in four categories of our You've Got Fans online entertainment awards. When we got a chance for an exclusive interview with Justin about that, we did it for YOU, his biggest fans! Almost all the questions we asked came from your posts on the'N Sync Message Boards.
EA: Hi Justin.
Justin: Hi, how are you?
EA: Good, good. How's it going for you?
Justin: Yeah, well, you know. I'm countin' the "you know"s. Let's see just how juvenile this boy is....one Things are good. Life is good right now.
EA: You gotta say, yeah. no.
Justin: It's good to be in 'N SYNC right now. oh how punny!!!!
EA: Well, you're very talented. We sent somebody here to review your show at the Universal Amphitheater in L.A. and they were just blown away.
Justin: Really?
EA: You should check out that review on our site.
Justin: Yeah, well I'll do that.
EA: You can go to AOLkeyword: EA Music.
Justin: EA Music. Okay, I'll do that. I guess he'll do that. yeah, he'll do that.
EA: You guys have AOL accounts, don't you?
Justin: My parents have one so I can. I'm fixin' to get my laptop so I'm about to have one. Well, we're fixin' to get one too, all of us cowpokes at the corral. Is he channeling Lance?
EA: Great. Well, first off I want to say congratulations because you won the You've Got Fans online awards in four categories.
Justin: Really?? "I've got fans??? Not just Mommy?"
EA: You won for... just listen to this. I'm list'nin'. Winner, Hottest Male. 'N SYNC won CD of the Year.
Justin: Wow!!!
EA: You won for Sexiest Newcomer. And Favorite Musical Artist of your fans on AOL was 'NSYNC.
Justin: Wow. and may I add, wow.
Justin: Cool. Who all nice grammer, J. was in the competition? "Puffy? Mase? that guy in the "pretty fly for a white guy" video?"
EA: Everybody from Jewel, you know, the usual suspects.
Justin: Wow didn't I just say that?
EA: So that's why we wanted to talk to you today.
Justin: That's great.
EA: And we have a very snappy looking award for you.
Justin: Cool, that's great, get my home address 'cause I know my mom will want to hold onto that. This is just too precious to comment on.
EA: Okay, so I have some questions from your fans.
Justin: These are from the fans eh? who's he trying to be? James Cagney?
EA: All from the fans. They posted questions for you on message boards.
Justin: Okay.
Question: Does Justin regret not having a normal teen life? No. he was never normal. Too easy, drill sargeant!
Justin: I don't regret anything that I've done with this group. Except for that Finn-girl. I think that when people find something that they love to do they make sacrifices to do it. And this is just, you know, two a sacrifice that I've had to make, but I never, you know, three regret. Because being with five guys we get to act like kids anyways. honey, when you ARE a kid, it's not acting So it kind of evens out. And, I mean, it's like I said, this is what I love to do, you know. four So you can't beat it. With a stick! All right. oh just give this kid his own headliner at the Improv! And you know he's answered these questions five million times so, you know, you would think he'd have time to, like, think about his words, instead of, like if he was, you know, talking spontaneously.
Question: What do you think of all the hype? The girls yelling and screaming, etc.?
Justin: Um, well, I don't, you know, five I don't pay attention to the hype really. suuure. and those little groin thrusts are just to add to the tonality of the songs. ok. I can believe that. My music teacher always told me that wifebeaters make for excellent harmonies. As long as the people are enjoying the music, that's enough for me. The fact that, you know, six our fans are so loyal that they take the time out to learn so much about us, and to get so into us, that's truly flattering. And that's a great feeling. And, you know, seven I mean it's a bit overwhelming for me because, like I said, when we started off it's like well if the people like our music, then that's enough for us. keep telling yourself that junior.
Question: Do you ever get tired of constantly being hounded by crazed fans?
Justin: No. I mean, you always have to get your personal time, you know, eight to yourself, but we're very appreciative of our fans. And whenever we can do something for them, you know, nine that's something that we're happy to do. I mean, like today we're going to do an autograph signing, you know, ten at a store. So, I mean, we're never too big for our fans. you certainly aren't too big, Underage Spice. And, you know, he's answered these questions five million times so, you know, you would think he'd have time to, like, think about his words, instead of, like if he was, you know, talking spontaneously.
EA: Great. So how many hours will you sign autographs, do you think?
Justin: We'll do it until we finish a thousand. We're guaranteed to do a thousand. So I guess the first ones who line up. I don't know how that works. I just know I get there and start signing. they just pay me to flash my abs and look pretty while JC does all the work.
EA: That's great that you guys do that, though, for your fans.
EA: Ooh, now here's a really important question. You're going to want to take your time with this one.
Question: What's your favorite ice cream?
Justin: Favorite ice cream, um. You know, I think that's eleven there's a type of ice cream that my aunt and my uncle introduced me to and it's in Cincinnati, Ohio and it's called Graeter's. And it is the BEST ice cream. I mean it doesn't matter what flavor you get from this place. It is the best ice cream. But they do have something called chocolate mocha chip and it's like coffee ice cream with these big chunks of chocolate chips in 'em. That stuff is like so good! Is it me or is he a little too excited about this?
EA: Oh, you're making me hungry.
Justin: It's good stuff. And they have like the best vanilla too.
EA: I'm taking notes.
Justin: Yeah, write this down 'cause you're gonna want some of this ice cream. Trust me. I trust you! I trust you!!! Hey, he's a child, and children know their ice cream!!
Question: Who was your biggest inspiration? You personally.
Justin: I've had personal inspirations and I've had, you know, twelve on a bigger level, lots of musical and other kinds of inspirations. I think my mom and my dad have always inspired me and always taught me that if you give it a hundred and fifty percent every time, you can't be upset with the outcome. You know, thirteen because you gave it your all. And on a bigger level, how "big" is that level, justy? we all know how "big" levels can be. you know, fourteen I've looked up musically to people like Stevie Wonder and Brian McKnight. I've always been a big fan of Brian McKnight's. But on another level, somebody like Michael Jordan 'cause I've always been a big fan of basketball. And just to see somebody like him, it's like he doesn't know how to lose. You know, fifteen in his head it's like he wins. And that's just the mentality that I always thought that I possessed. You know, sixteen just from watching him and learning from him. And I apply it to different things in MY career, you know.seventeen But I mean just watching someone like him work, it's incredible. gosh that tounge of his must be tired from licking MJs butt.
Question: Thanks for all the great music, can I have your fan club address?
EA: We get asked that a lot Justin.
Justin: The fan club address, um, man, you put me on the spot and I don't know the exact numbers. oh, he be sweatin' his li'l mop top now! Breathe deep, little man. You know eighteen, I'm countin' that one!! me, I'll mess up numbers. oh yeah, high school drop-outs do that sometimes. I always forget the numbers. ya think maybe he ain't too good at numbers?
EA: Okay, no worries, here it is...
'N SYNC
P.O. Box 5248
Bellingham, WA 98227
Question: What's your concert schedule?
Justin: Well, we have another tour lined up for March, April and May. But I mean we're finishing this tour, we got, um... let me interrupt for a second. How soon is this gonna go onto the Internet?
EA: Oh, pretty quick.
Justin: Okay, okay, I was just makin' sure. I don't want it to be like past tense. not a fan of the numbers, but he sho' be quick on regulatin' da grammer.
EA: No, no.
Justin: Yeah, well we finish out this tour until the seventeenth of January. And then we got another tour planned, big arena tour, for March, April and May. And we'll be in a town near you, so you should come. Come have fun with us. is that a threat or a promise? Can we tell security you said we personally could "have fun" with you?
Question: How does a person go about getting back stage passes?
Justin: Oh, well, for the most part, we usually give some meet-and-greet passes away to the local radio stations and that's how, you know, nineteen you usually get back stage, and they do radio contests and stuff. You never know, one day you'll see us walking down... like one instance, me and Joey Joey and I, Joey and I, JOEY AND I!!!! were at the mall and this mother came up to us with her daughter and was like just dying to get back stage so we took 'em back stage and showed 'em what it's like to be back stage. We were doing a show in the city that day. So, I mean you never know. We do stuff like that and for the most part though, it's the local radio station who does meet-and-greet passes and stuff like that.
EA: Okay, so there's hope for everybody.
Justin: Yeah, of course.
Question: Does Justin have a girlfriend?
Justin: No, Justin does not have a girlfriend. does Justin find it ego-inflating to speak in the third person? I am, you know big twenty!, I'm datin' around right now and I'm doin' my own thing. no sweetness, we didn't know. Must've been that "single and ready to mingle" thing that threw us off. But my schedule's really busy so it's tough to focus my attention on all the attention a female would need. like any good puppy dog, ya gotta feed us and bathe us and walk us and pet us and clean up our messes.
Question: Do you ever go online?
Justin: Uh, yeah. From time to time. I mean I don't...make up your mind, sport I'm catching onto the twentieth century too bad we're almost in the 21st and I'm gonna be getting an AOL account soon and my screen name will be JustNTmbLk#1...^^^note to the peanut gallery: I made that up! Plese don't go IMing the poor character whose name that might really be. But you know twenty one, I go on from time to time.
Question: Would you ever consider growing your hair long again? did I miss a memo? when was his hair long?
Justin: Um, yeah, I've thought about it. I've thought about it he's thought about it. The only thing that's held me back is the fact that we dance so much on stage and that it would get in my way. I'd have to wear it like in a ponytail all the time on stage please spare us that vision and I don't know how I feel about that. ditto, babe. But I did grow it out before when I was like fourteen. I grew it down to my neck and it's um, it's a sight.
Question: How did you celebrate your recent birthday? wine, women and...what was the third part again?
Justin: Well my birthday's January 31st so I haven't done anything yet. I think we're gonna be in the U.K. for my birthday, but I don't have anything special planned. You know twenty two, I imagine I'll be working 'cause that's what we do. is that what you do? and all this time I though you sold tuna. So, no, I don't have anything special planned.
EA: Okay, we'll send you some ice cream. Oh I get it? like from before? how very witty of you AOL!
Justin: All right! We'll do that. Thanks. we'll? is that the royal "we" J-boy, or were you trying to get all cosmopolitan on us?
Question: Do you have any special plans for Valentine's Day?
Justin: Not yet. Um, I don't have a significant someone to plan for Valentine's Day so I'll probably buy my mom some stuff for Valentine's Day. She'll be my Valentine. folks, ya knew he was gonna go there.
EA: Ah, so chocolates and flowers?
Justin: Yeah, well, you know twenty three, I'll come up with something. I usually do different kinds of things. So, I don't know, who knows what I'll come up with. a little Oedipal complex, perhaps?
EA: What would you say is the best gift you've given your mom for Valentine's Day?
Justin: I think she was really happy one time I got her a day at the spa. She was pretty happy with that one. She ate that one up.
EA: What is your best memory of a romantic Valentine's Day?
Justin: Well, one Valentine's Day I was dating this girl and we'd been together for about nine months, and what I did was I cooked dinner. I made fetuccini alfredo and I made these like oreo cookie brownies and I told her, she was like, well what are we gonna do for Valentine's Day and she didn't really think it was a big deal. So what happened was I told her, I'll just come over to your house and we'll just watch a movie or something. And she's like, all right, well just come over. She goes, you know twenty four, I'm gonna get cleaned up before you come over. I said okay, so just call me when you get cleaned up. But you know twenty five, she actually lived with her grandmother and I told her grandmother to call me when she actually you know twenty six started to get into the shower and I was gonna rush over 'cause she lived like fifteen minutes from me. Are you following me?
EA: Yeah. yawn...wha?...oh yeah, like, you and her grandma...like, yeah.
Justin: All right. So, I rushed, I cooked the food up, you know twenty seven--geez kid, you're killin' me!, I prepared the food with a little help from chef mom and took it over there and laid it out on the floor on a blanket and stuff and I had the candles going and everything and I was mister Don Juan for that episode of Valentine's Day and I scored big points with her. So she was happy about that. She came walking out and she was dressed and her hair was wet and she was, I guess, fixin' to call me Lance? is that you? and tell me that she was cleaned up and she walked out in the den and saw me sittin' on the floor.
EA: Oh, that is so sweet. I can see that. That sounds like a movie. clueless? just shoot me?
Justin: I'm such a hopeless romantic. hopeless? I'll agree with that part.
Question: What would be your most romantic song? What would you play for your girlfriend?
Justin: Um, well, I don't know. I've never been too big on stuff like that. 'cuz you're not, like, a MUSICIAN or anything! Like, we should have a song or something silly like that. If I was in love with somebody and wanted to play them a song that I thought...I'd probably write 'em a song, but if I wanted to play 'em a song that's already been written, you know, twenty eight I could think of a million Stevie Wonder songs. There's this one song on Brian McKnight's first album called "Never Felt This Way" and it just, I don't know, it's the most direct way to say how you've never felt this way about someone before. if it's about directness, he obviously missed that little lesson...you know?
EA: And he does have a beautiful voice.
Justin: Oh yeah. And can serenade.
EA: Well, at the Billboard Awards on the red carpet, right after I talked to you guys, he came by and then he came back stage later and did a little a cappella for me and it's just amazing.
Justin: Yeah, he's got a beautiful, he's got a beautiful tone. you know he wanted to say "ass."
EA: Yeah, and perfect pitch.
Justin: Yeah, well we were hanging... I hung out with him some when we were doing the AMAs, so that was fun.
EA: Yeah, and a nice guy too. You know oh God! it's catching!, all around package.
Justin: Yeah, he's very nice. Very nice. He's from... he actually went to school, high school in Orlando. does this boy have a tick or something? Holy repetition, Batman!
Question: Does anyone in the group have romances on tour?
Justin: It's tough for us, really. You know twenty nine, like I said, we're really busy. So, I mean, from time to time we get to go out and date, but it's hard to make anything serious, because you can't get to know someone because you're so busy. But, you know thirty one, when you meet someone you can usually tell the vibe from that person. Like you know thirty...oy vey if things might be able to work or if they wouldn't. So from time to time we get to do the romance thing. is anyone still out there, or am I the only one comatose?
EA: Right. So it sounds like you believe in love at first sight.
Justin: Yeah, definitely. I mean, I believe in chemistry and I believe in, you know thirty two?, that it's certain feelings that you immediately develop when you meet someone that you think you can make, you know thirty three, a companion.
EA: Yeah, you just know. You know. that wasn't even funny, you Entertainment Asylum person, you.
Justin: Yeah, exactly. Like, you can't explain it any way except that when you know, you just know. thirty four, thirty five! That's it folks. All bets are off: we have a winner at 35 "you know"s!!!
EA: Yeah, that's- when I met my husband- oh now they're bonding like old girlfriends...
Justin: You just knew.
EA: I just knew.
Justin: Exactly. Exactly. you tell us, Justin
EA: And people said, how did you know to say yes when he asked you. And I said, are you kidding, I was waiting for him to ask me. Did someone ask her life story? Listen woman, when you're being chased by pre-pubescent girls and making millions of pesos off of one record, you can tell us all about it.
Justin: You just knew.
EA: Yeah.
Justin: You just knew. And that's a beautiful thing. So congratulations. pass the vomit bag...
EA: Well that's great that you know this young. I mean I hoped that was the case when I was young and that's what I believed from literature and I was right. But you know there were some years when I wondered, you know. that's it. she's gone. God help you please, Mrs. Robinson...
Justin: Right, right. Well everybody goes through that I think.
EA: Yeah, yeah. So, can I get you to say, just like a radio station... This is Justin Timberlake and you found Entertainment Asylum Music. Because we're the music site on AOL, as you know.
Justin: Hey, this is Justin Timberlake from 'N SYNC and you found Entertainment Asylum Music! SHAMLESS PLUG! don't you feel dirty?
EA: You are such a pro. Do you have anything to say to your fans in parting? besides "get away from my car!"
Justin: Oh, just thank you for all the support. You gave us a great ninety-eight, so we'll hope to give you a great ninety-nine. And God bless! so if my 1999 sucks, it's all his fault. that's fair!
EA: Great. Great. Justin that's wonderful. Thank you so much for taking time. I know how busy you are.
EA: And tell the rest of the guys just the good lookin' ones we would LOVE to have you come back for a chat on AOL when you can. Because the last chat you did with us was just huge.
Justin: Cool!
EA: It was great and the fans just loved it.
Justin: Cool. I'd love to do it. you know he's goin' "ok, bye, cool , great, ok bye. BYE! Leave me the hell alone already!"
EA: Yeah, got a lot of fans here. Okay, thank you again.
Justin: All right. Bye. notice no "you're welcome." ungreatful whippersnapper! now aren't we all just better humans for being a fly on the wall of that brilliant verbal exchange?!

Email: crazyfor_nsync@hotmail.com