C vs. D

"The epic sequel to the first chapter of the sequel that occurs when a writer lets feedback go to his head."

Chapter 2: Piccolo the Pedestrian

By Cremrock

Dende glanced around. He found himself floating in a strange black void. Suddenly the void opened up above Dende, and beams of light rained down, blinding him. When Dende was able to see again, he gasped in surprise. Standing in front of him was his father, and the father of all the living Namek’s, with a few exceptions. What seemed stranger to Dende was that he was busily gobbling down several buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken. That, and…

"F…father?! Where am I? What are you doing here! And, um… why the heck are you sitting there in your underwear?" The Saichoro stopped eating his chicken for a moment and squinted down at Dende.

"I have come in your dreams to tell you something, my son. Please, hop up on Daddy’s lap." Dende surveyed the chicken shreds, The Saichoro’s ugly, wrinkled leg, and his use of the term "Daddy". Dende shook his head, hoping he wasn’t about to offend the elder.

"Um, no thanks, I don’t want to trouble you. So why are you in your underwear, anyway?" The older Nameksei-jin frowned, and Dende wondered if he should really have asked that question or not.

After a pause, he explained. "Well, it’s because you’re the god of Earth! You see, you’ve got that stupid sixth sense with most of the residents of the planet now, and someone else’s dreams are merging with your image of me in that little telepathic head of yours! Sheesh, kids these days…" The Saichoro belched and threw another bucket of chicken into his mouth. Dende cringed.

"Uh, sir, could you hurry up please? It’s not that I’m not overjoyed to see you, you being dead for years and all, but… you are REALLY freaking me out."

The Saichoro nodded. "Fine, fine! This chicken really sucks anyway! Anyways, here’s the message. You," The Saichoro raised one huge arm and pointed at Dende. "Must stick it out with the Son family for awhile. One of your brothers is busily gathering the dragonballs to extract some horrible revenge on you. You must be ready to combat it." The Saichoro said grimly. Dende rolled his eyes and suppressed the urge to get sick. The Saichoro wiped his chicken grease stained hands on the only clothing he was wearing, his underwear. Dende looked away, trying to shut the image out of his mind.

After a moment, he found the resolve to turn and look at the Saichoro again. "Could you be a bit more specific? You did have a lot of children, after all!" Dende asked politely, trying not to gag. Saichoro shook his head.

"Sorry, I can’t really give any more info than that. It’s against the rules. You’d better get up and finish your dragonballs tonight, you might need them soon." Dende nodded, a faint look of determination (And relief that the bizarre dream seemed about over) etched onto his green features.

"Right, I’ll get them done right away! See ya!" Dende turned away, waving.

"Dende! Remember, you can’t tell anyone else that you’ve seen me! And don’t tell anyone about what I told you! Keep it to yourself, okay?" Saichoro yelled after him. Dende looked back and nodded. He took a few more steps away from Saichoro, then stopped. He turned around. The Saichoro belched once, then smiled warmly, holding his arms out. "Aw, does my favorite little child want a hug?" Dende surveyed the pile of chicken bones in his father’s lap, and the overall sickness of his rolls, wrinkled body, and greasy hands.. He groaned.

"Well… actually… I’m not sure how to wake up!" Dende exclaimed quickly, hoping to get out of the dream without having to find a way to kill himself to wake up.

The Saichoro sighed, a tear coming to his eye. "You’re sure you don’t want a hug? It’s so lonely up here!"

"Well… No." Dende replied meekly. The Saichoro tried again.

"But Dende, you might not see me again for centuries! Are you Really, Really REALLY sure?"

That was when Dende lost it. "NO DAD! YOU’RE SO DISGUSTING SITTING THERE GOBBLING DOWN SOME POOR FRIED BIRD’S PARTS IN YOUR UNDERWEAR!!!!" He shrieked. The Saichoro scowled.

"Well fine! I’m gonna wake you up just so I don’t have to put up with your attitude! Beat it!" The Saichoro reached back behind his throne and pulled out another bucket of chicken. It was hurled toward Dende’s head...

Dende jolted up in his bed, wide-awake. He looked around, at Gohan’s sleeping form, and the general darkness of the room. He figured he’d better take his father’s advice and finish the Dragonballs he was making, so he jumped out of bed and went to the kitchen to find something to drink before he started. On his way back he rounded a corner. A tall, shadowy figure stood in front of him.

"Ahhh!" Dende shrieked, falling over in surprise and fear. The figure leaned down at him, then glanced around. A sudden burst of light from a tiny ki ball illuminated the spiky haired person. Dende sighed in relief as he recognized the startled face of Son Goku.

Goku grinned. "Oh, hi Dende! How’d I get here? I must’ve been sleepwalking! You woke me up from the most wonderful dream! I was sitting in this nice well-lit place in my underwear, and I had all the Kentucky Fried Chicken I could eat! Isn’t that great?!" Dende’s cheeks puffed out as a sudden burst of nausea overtook him, his stomach obviously not quite recovered from his dream with the Saichoro.

Dende’s eyes rolled, his face turned an even paler shade of green, and he swallowed hard. "Uh… that’s great Goku… I’m going to the bathroom now… see ya!" Goku glanced back at Dende as he ran down the hallway. He shrugged.

"Gee, what’s wrong with him?"

Gohan stood over Dende, shaking him. It was the following morning, and he had just eaten breakfast. Soon it would be time to start going to school, or at least soon enough for him. Dende just kept mumbling and turning despite Gohan’s efforts. As the god of his planet, he had gotten to sleep as long as he liked. He was in for a rude awakening.

"C’mon Dende, it’s time to wake up! We have school in a couple of hours!" Gohan said angrily. The Namek turned once again, still asleep.

"Don’t… off… the god of…" Was all he said, still asleep. Gohan cursed under his breath. He had been fed up with Dende ever since he had heard Dende working the night before, keeping him awake. When he woke up, he had been surprised to see all seven of Dende’s new Dragonballs lying on the desk, finished, but he was still angry at being kept awake. Smiling evilly, Gohan picked up the little Namek and slung him over his shoulder. He trudged into the bathroom, opened up the toilet seat, and dangled Dende over the magical throne, holding his shins and ankles.

"Hey… wha?" Dende mumbled, swinging around slightly and seeming to stir slightly.

"Dende," Gohan began, his voice increasing in anger with every word. "If you don’t wake up right now, I’m going to give you a flushie. Dende mumbled something that sounded like "sure, I’ll take two of those…" and Gohan realized that he was still asleep, even in his position.

"You asked for it!" Gohan yelled triumphantly, plunging Dende in and jamming the flushing handle down with a thunk. With a satisfying whoosh, the miracle chair created its majestic whirlpool. As it began, Dende became more life like in Gohan’s arms, until he was holding a furiously screaming green and pink ball of energy, flailing wildly. Gohan finally let Dende up, and Dende dropped to the floor and sat down, breathing heavily while finding the strength to glare at Gohan, his face dripping with water, outrage etched all over his face.

"Wh, what’d you do that for?!" He yelled. Gohan grinned.

"To wake you up, of course." He replied. Dende growled.

"Well gee, why don’t you just sit on me next time? Or better yet, just kill me to wake me up!" Dende screamed, getting in Gohan’s face by hovering off the ground. Gohan maintained his composure.

Gohan shrugged. "Alright Dende, next time, I’ll just stick your hand in a cup of warm water." Dende’s eyes grew wide as he got down on his knees and clasped his hands together at Gohan.

"NO! Don’t do that! It works for Namek’s too!" He screamed urgently, begging.

Gohan nodded, glad Dende had yielded. "Well, you seem to have learned your lesson, besides I wouldn’t do that to one of my best friends." Gohan sighed. "How do you know that works on Namek’s? I thought that was an Earthling trick." Dende stood up and grinned, his eyes glowing at the thought of being able to tell Gohan about one of his favorite learning experiences when he was little.

"Well, it all started when I was about 3. In fact, it was shortly before you came to my planet. Neru taught me the trick, and… although he told me only to use it on someone I really hated and only as a joke, I wanted to see if Saichoro could move, so…" Dende broke off and grinned even wider. Gohan blinked in disbelief, picturing the oversized chair the Saichoro sat on as a commode.

"You didn’t…"

"Yep!" Dende replied brightly. "Actually it didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. I didn’t find out much. You see, he was still really old, so… he was wearing a giant Namek economy sized diaper."

"Really?"

"Well, he was asleep and didn’t move, but I did hear Nail complaining about SOMETHING big when he went to see him when he woke up." Gohan started laughing despite the thought, until he noticed the clock.

"Oh my… wait, you’re god. Never mind. Anyway, Oh no! It’s only two hours till school starts Dende!" Gohan said, glancing around and looking worried. Dende decided to give Gohan a lesson in time management, and reached up on his tip toes and slapped Gohan across the back of the head.

"You got me up two hours early?!" He shrieked. Before Gohan could reply and explain himself, Chi-chi walked in, clad in her normal clothes, and Dende briefly thought about asking her why she almost always wore the same thing when he realized he was guilty of it himself.

"I hope you two are ready to go to school!" She said, smiling brightly at the two of them. Dende gulped, never really having recovered from his initial shock the day before.

Dende raised his left hand. "Um, excuse me ma’am, but if we fly to school it’ll only take ten minutes tops. Why are we getting ready now?" Chi-chi scowled.

"It’s too dangerous to fly places. Instead Son Goku will be driving you both to school!" She replied hastily, totally sincere.

Gohan and Dende’s jaws dropped instantly as they heard this news, amid two cries, one of "FATHER?!" and one of "SON GOKU?!". Gohan decided that he had better think of something fast.

"Um, mother, we need more time to get ready, please give us ten minutes!" Gohan asked politely. Chi-chi nodded, giving them a "Hurry-up" sign. Dende immediately turned and charged into Gohan’s room, dragging Gohan behind him. In the room he dashed to the desk, pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil, and began hastily scribbling on the paper. Gohan walked over, knowing why Dende was so panicked but not sure exactly what he was writing.

"Hey Dende, what are you writing?" Gohan requested, picking up the piece of paper and reading the words inscribed in 5 inch letters written on it. Dende ignored him and continued scribbling frantically. "What the… instructions to use the Namekian Dragonballs?"

Dende looked up at his friend and nodded gravely, looking depressed. "That’s right! Goku’s driving! I’m going to die! Quick! What else should I write down? Let’s see… how to say it in the Namek tongue… uh… Pupuritto paro karo Dende!-Please resurrect Dende! (Author’s note: I completely made that up. I do not know Nameksei-jin. ^^) Let’s see, other tips… I know! Don’t piss Porunga off! That’s great!" (I know, I’m overdoing this line way too much, but when FUNimation screwed this one up I was laughing my head off. Not to mention they picked, at least in my book, the character most LEAST likely to ever swear, dub or otherwise! Wait a minute, I’ve had him swear multiple times in this story and the first. D’oh! Anyways, don’t worry, this is the last time the line will ever come up in this story… yeah right, like anyone believes me now… ^_~) Gohan rolled his eyes even as Dende was finishing his scribbling, sighing in relief.

"Doesn’t Piccolo know Namekian? It seems kind of pointless to write all that down when we’ve got another resident Namek… and Mr. Popo can speak the language too…" Dende shrugged.

"Ah, ya never know what could happen. Phew, I’m glad Porunga can resurrect people more then once." He said, smiling. Gohan wondered about that for a moment, then spoke.

"Hey Dende, I’ll bet that took a lot of work. Why did your father make them like that, anyway?" Gohan queried, after all, he was trying to become a scholar. Questions were his business. Dende nodded, happy to provide his friend with more insight into Namek history.

"Well, okay, this is how it went. When the cataclysm hit and everyone except the Saichoro died, he started spitting out a few eggs, you know, repopulate the planet, right? So the first three children were made, and everything was fine for awhile. But you see, in their second year of life, Namek kids are just growing, they’re like your toddlers, but they’re even dumber! They’re basically… well… lemmings! We’ll walk off cliffs, into the jaws of ravenous beasts, step on things… basically any self-inflicted injury you can think of! So after the first child killed itself by walking off a cliff, and then the other two wandered away and were never seen again. He decided to make the Dragonballs, because if not, he couldn’t resurrect anyone and none of the kids would ever grow up and survive unless only had one kid at a time, since he could only watch one. And that’s the story."

"I don’t believe you, Dende." Gohan replied. Dende blinked. He looked hurt.

"You don’t? Then where do you think I got this scar on my leg?" Dende pulled up his toga/gi/robe/ whatever you wanna call it, and started fiddling with his pants, ready to pull them down…

"Ah! I take your word for it!" Gohan said quickly, stopping his friend. Dende nodded, then froze. A strange smile crept over his face as he lapsed back into the days when he was little. His eyes looked almost trancelike, similar to a small child’s. What’s more, Gohan noticed it. He wondered what this might mean. "Heck," Gohan thought. "That’s the same look Goten walks around wearing half the time…" Dende held up his left hand and pointed at a small purple mark on his right hand.

"I got this scar walking into a Namekian cactus when I was two!" He said proudly. It was the type of pride little kids pronounce when they showed off their stitches, nicks and scrapes, bandages, and casts. Gohan looked at Dende’s odd expression he wondered what had gotten into his friend.

"Um, gee… that’s nice… well we’d better get going." Gohan said hastily. Dende turned his back to Gohan, pulling his robe up, bending down, and putting his hands at his sides. He clenched his hands on the rims of his pants. Gohan’s eyes widened.

"And I got this scar after I sat on…"

"DENDE!" Gohan screamed.

Ten minutes later Goku was with Gohan and Dende in the car. Dende looked extremely embarrassed. Gohan had a frown on his face, and was looking out the window opposite Dende’s.

Dende sighed. "Gee Gohan, I’m sorry, sometimes when we Namek’s think about our younger days we sort of lapse into that sense of young, Nameksei-jin child stupidity and…"

"Dende, trust me, I most definitely do not want to talk about what just transpired. Now let us never speak of it again." Gohan replied without looking back. Dende looked pained.

"But… I didn’t mean to-"

"Hey, zip it!" Gohan replied, holding up a hand. Dende sighed and nodded. He glanced up at the sky and clasped his hands, praying, deciding to focus his worry on someone else.

"Hey Kaioshin, if you let me live on this trip I’ll never ever bother you about sending me my official "God of Earth" T-shirt again."

Son Goku looked into the back seat, his innocent smile etched into his face. "Don’t worry about it Dende! I’m an excellent driver! Put your seat belts on just in case though, I can’t control other drivers." He exclaimed. Not surprisingly, Dende and Gohan had put their belts on the moment they had entered the car, anticipating Goku to forget to put the break on or something. Dende and Gohan soon quit paying attention, and five minutes later, Gohan was studying and Dende was drawing a picture of his dragon. "Gee, this isn’t so bad," Dende thought, sketching out the first of many arms. "Maybe Goku’s doing a good job, it’s as if we’re not even moving." A moment later, Goku looked back at them, his face edged with confusion.

"Hey guys? Um, do either of you know where the ignition is? I’ve been looking for a couple of minutes and still haven’t found it." Dende and Gohan looked up, glanced at each other, and groaned audibly.

Five minutes later, the trio was on their way. Goku was smiling dumbly, somehow managing to keep the car in one piece. He looked to the back seat, grinning. "See guys, no sweat, right?" Goku asked. Dende and Gohan were frozen in terror, Gripping the bottom of the seat, their knuckles white, which was an impressive enough feat for Gohan, and even more impressive for Dende.

"Father! Keep your eyes on the road!" Gohan shrieked.

"Goku! Wrong lane! You’re supposed to be in the left! Change now!" Dende chorused.

"What…?" Goku asked, turning around.

"WATCH THE ONCOMING TRAFFIC!" Dende and Gohan screamed, ducking. With a screech of rubber, Goku pulled the car out of the incoming danger just in time. Goku wiped his forehead.

"Phew, that was close, all these other drivers are so irresponsible." Dende and Gohan started crying in relief, having survived another close call. Dende wiped his eyes looked up at the sky, and to his amazement, a tiny caped figure was flying above the car.

"Hey! Goku, we’re being chased by someone! I think they’re trying to tell us to slow down!" Dende pointed. Gohan squinted. That costume looked awfully familiar, but it was hard to tell from this distance. Suddenly, with an explosion of ki, the figure accelerated far past the car and disappeared over the horizon.

Flying several miles past the dangerously speeding car, Videl landed on the road, striking a dramatic pose in her blue visored helmet and multi colored costume, preparing for an intricate cycle of movements portraying her crime-fighting ability. In the distance, the car rapidly approached, well above the normal speed limit. "I am the Great Saiyaman 2…" She began, holding a hand out.

Goku looked into the back seat again. "Hey guys, I’m hungry, got anything to eat?" He asked hopefully.

Gohan, keeping his eyes on the road even from the back seat, suddenly screamed as they rounded a turn. "Ahhh! Dad! Turn quick! It’s Videl! We’re gonna hit!" Gohan screamed again. Goku looked confused.

"Your girlfriend? I can’t eat Videl, what do you mea-" Goku was cut off by a very large sound, a combination of shredding and a huge th-bump! Gohan turned pale, biting his fingernails and wincing at the sound. Dende looked shaken and gulped, wondering what the sound had come from. Goku pulled the car over expertly. "Okay guys, I stopped because loud bumps can be a sign of car trouble. I’d better go check." He said sternly, stepping out of the car. Gohan, gritting his teeth, followed. Dende got stuck in his seatbelt and started whimpering.

Goku and Gohan spread out, searching the area. Gohan saw Videl first and screamed. The unfortunate superhero had been torn in half by the tremendous speed of Goku’s driving. The other half was under the car. Somehow, Goku had managed to completely dismember his girlfriend. Gohan was not happy.

"Oh my god! D…dad! You killed my girlfriend!" Gohan screamed, biting back tears. As if on cue, Dende rolled out of the car, finally freeing himself. He stood up and glanced at Gohan and Goku’s shocked expressions.

"Somebody call my…" Dende’s eyes bulged out as he turned around and looked at what Gohan and Goku were looking at. "HOLY CRAP! Videl! Goku, what did you do!" The god shrieked, glaring at Goku. Goku scratched his head. He looked extremely nervous.

"Ahh! W…we can fix her, right? Right? You can heal her Dende, right? We just need to put her back together." Dende backed away. Goku had clearly lost it. The saiya-jin glanced around, looking for something. Goku scratched his head, still shaken but actually thinking for a change. "Hey, where’s her head anyway? I have her top and bottom halves, and her legs are over there, but…"

Investigating on the other side of the car, something fell from the sky and clunked Dende in the head. He examined it momentarily, looking down in surprise. It was a helmet with a cracked, blue visor. But there was something else in the helmet that could be barely seen through the visor, looking almost like a human… "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The Namek wailed.

A short distance away Goku was frantically trying to put Videl’s separated body back together. Gohan was crying nearby, obviously depressed. Dende was glancing at the ground, kicking at a few pebbles, realizing that yet again, they’d have to use their wishes to bring someone back from the dead. Suddenly, Gohan seemed to be overwhelmed with emotion. He gazed up at the sky.

"M… my only girlfriend… we… we… WE DIDN’T EVEN MAKE OUT YET! TAKE ME! I’M OLD!!!!!" Gohan cried to the empty air. Dende and Goku just stared at Gohan with wide eyes, surprised expressions on their faces. Goku then got back to his task, trying to put Videl back together.

"Let’s see, how did that go? The anklebone connects to the… leg bone! The leg bone connects to the… arm bone! Aw crud, that’s not right. Why can’t I remember this song!" He exclaimed. 

A short distance away, Dende glanced at Videl’s head. It was still lying where it had bounced after it had hit Dende in the head. Looking at it, it gave him an idea. It was time for some payback. He smiled slightly, wondering if Videl would approve if he told her this story. She probably wouldn’t but he decided he’d do it anyway, and smiled slightly, tucking her head under his arm.  With any luck she wouldn't kill him if she found out.

Gohan turned to see Videl’s helmeted head staring at him over a bush. He saw her mouth move up and down. His face brightened.

"Videl! You’re alive!" Gohan screamed.

"Uh, yes um… honey, but don’t get all happy because I’m, uh… leaving you for Yajirobe! Yeah!" Gohan’s jaw dropped in shock, then took on a slightly confused expression as he heard a snicker from behind the bushes. He leaned closer, seeing a figure in the bushes.

"But honey, I… hey! Wait a minute! I see you there Dende! That’s not funny, working on ventriloquism using my dead Girlfriend’s corpse!" The prank noticed, Dende crawled out from under the bush, grinning.

"Yeah, but you should have seen the look on your face!" Dende laughed, setting Videl’s head gently on the ground, not wanting to make him any madder then he was, and trying to maintain a shred of respect for his friend’s now deceased girlfriend. Gohan suddenly went SSJ, trying to contain his rage.

"That wasn’t very nice, Dende! I can’t believe you’re god of this planet! Talk about no respect for the dead!" Dende glared at Gohan at this remark, and decided to tell Gohan the real reason he had pulled his trick.

"Hey Gohan, remember when I died on Namek? Well, I had somewhat of a view from heaven! Weren’t you the one jumping up and down on my corpse screaming, YEAH! Freezer’s dead! Once that Giant Genki Dama hit? When I got brought back, I had back trouble for a week because of that!" Dende yelled, glaring at Gohan. Gohan glared back.

"Yeah? So?" Gohan replied nonchalantly.

"SO? SO! You could at least have given me a decent burial! I mean if Son Goku can take thirty seconds to bury Vegeta, what do I get? Absolutely nothing?!" Dende’s face turned a very deep green. Gohan was surprised, he had never seen a Namek that color before.

"Hey Dende, I did give you a nice burial! Remember?" Gohan said, trying to calm his friend down. He was beginning to feel guilty.

"Pouring super glue all over my body isn’t a burial, nimrod! You’re the one who doesn’t have any respect for the dead, stomping on me and gluing me and all that! I can’t believe you’ll bury a whole buncha Nameksei-jin you don’t know, but you won’t even bury me!" Dende shrieked in reply, starting to cry, oddly enough. Gohan gulped, being swallowed entirely whole by Dende’s guilt trip..

"Uh, but… I figured you’d died trying to save your planet, you wanted to stay connected to it!" He laughed, trying to calm his friend down. .

(While I’m at it, anyone else ever think about this? I mean look, when the Giant Genki Dama hits, Goku, Piccolo, Gohan, Kulilin, and even Bulma go flying away, and they’re trying to brace themselves and hold onto things! Meanwhile, poor lil’ Dende’s body is a short distance away, and it just blows in the wind. Considering he weighs about forty pounds by my guess at that time, you’d think his body would fly away, you know, carom off a few rocks or something…)

It didn’t have much effect, as Dende continued his tirade. "Then send me a hallmark card in heaven! Don’t glue me to a planet! You know what a time I had getting up when I was alive again? It’s a good thing I carry some glue solvent with me, or that planet would have blown up and we’d still be on it!" He finished. His voice’s rage had been decreasing though, and it looked as if his anger had diminished, as he began to see that Gohan really did feel guilty. Gohan sighed, wanting to settle things and saying so.

"Fine, if you die before me then I’ll give you a huge send off, ok?" Gohan asked. Dende nodded.

"Well, considering with Son’s driving skills my life expectancy is only a couple of hours, I hope you throw a huge party for me." Dende said, grimacing. They started walking back to the car, shaking their heads sadly.

"Funny how we have this conversation on our deathbed." Gohan commented morbidly. "Oh well, at least I’ll get to see Videl soon, at this rate…" Dende nodded sagely. Raising their chins to the sky in defiance, the two continued walking back to the car.

While the two were having their discussion, Goku was still at the site of the accident. He had long given up on putting the hapless Videl back together, and knowing that he couldn’t just leave her there to be pecked at by crows and rats and such, he had thrown her remains in the trunk. As he closed the trunk, a ghostly, ethereal voice echoed out to him, sounding almost feminine, or more accurately, a high tenor. Goku stood up and glanced around.

"What? W…who’s there?"

"You… must make up for your… accident." The ghostly voice echoed across Goku’s ears. Goku clenched his fist, wondering if this unseen voice was an enemy.

"Who are you? You can’t be Dende, he’s not in the lookout so he’s not trying to set me morally straight or something." Goku said in a surprising dose of keen intellect. Goku heard muffled swear words coming from some nearby bushes, in a far gruffer voice then before, but eventually, the swearing stopped.

"I’m… uh… um… this unfortunate girl’s fairy godmother. There are only two ways to atone for your hideous deed. The first is that you must wish her back to life when you get the chance." Goku nodded, making a mental note.

"Yeah, I’d already planned on that. What’s the other thing?" He requested.

"You must drop your car keys and run, not fly or teleport, across the world." The voice commanded. Goku scratched his head and peered quizzically at the bushes where the voice had seemed to be coming from.

"Gee, that’s pretty easy. Okay, I’ll do it right now! Bye fairy godmother!" Goku started charging off towards the bushes, since a straight line across the world was as good a route as any. He saw one that was spread slightly apart and peered inside.

"Oh, hi Piccolo! Did you hear the fairy godmother?" Goku said, spying the Namek hiding in the bush.

"Um, yes noble sir, er, um… yeah, I heard her Son. Now get the heck out of here!" Piccolo stuttered, as his voice changed from a ghostly, ethereal pitch to his normal gruffness. Goku scratched his head, and grinned.

"You know Piccolo, that’s amazing! For a second you sounded like that fairy godmother! Ah well, must be just coincidence. See ya!" Goku waved and jogged off. Piccolo rolled his eyes in disbelief.

"Ya know, some day someone with some brains is gonna try and destroy the Earth, and then we’ll be in trouble… oh well." Piccolo muttered to himself. He stepped over to Goku’s car and scooped up the car keys off the ground. Following this, he looked at Dende and Son Gohan’s approaching figures in the distance. He waved and shouted, "Hey guys! Get your rears over here! I’m stealing Son’s car to drive you two to school!" The two jumped at this news and scurried over. Practically flying, both of them looking incredibly relieved.

"Mr. Piccolo! You came to rescue us!" Gohan exclaimed happily, stepping up to embracing his mentor. Piccolo looked awkward and stepped back, and Gohan leaned too far down and crashed to the ground. He stared up at Piccolo, wondering why his surrogate father wasn't going to give him a hug.

Piccolo pointed at Dende, who had produced a small camera out of his collar and had been charging the battery. "Gohan… not in front of him." He admonished. Dende sighed.

"Aw shoot, I wanted a pic to send to the media… I can see the headline now… demon-king caught in touching moment!" Piccolo rolled his eyes and harumphed.

"Yeah sure, look do you guys want to survive your car ride or not? Get in!" Piccolo jumped into the front seat as the others threw the rear doors open and got in. Piccolo gunned the engine, as the car zoomed down the road once more.

"So, Piccolo! How’s the Lookout? Still wrecked? Is Mr. Popo mad at me? Are you mad at me?" Dende chattered away, pestering the driver with questions. Piccolo grinned, keeping his eyes on the road.

"Well Dende, Popo fixed the lookout, but I don’t think he got your room finished yet. He’s not too mad anymore. As for me… well… I’m not mad enough to let Son kill you in a car crash. Nail’s been seeing to it that I get a crushing headache if I let something happen to you. Besides, do you know what a pain it is to go all the way to Namek just to get you back? I don’t even know Namekian!" Piccolo replied. Dende nodded, flashing a small smile at Gohan.

"Well, he prepared for that." Gohan piped in.

"By the way, did you give up your story that I wrecked it in the first place?" Dende asked, smiling.

"Dende, you’re crazy! I saw you with my very own eyes wrecking the lookout and drinking all the water! Yeah, your eyes looked a little odd and you were singing some really annoying song, but that was you! Didn’t it strike you as odd that you woke up in a pile of rubble surrounded by a hundred empty water bottles?" Piccolo asked. Dende kicked the back of Piccolo’s seat in defiance.

Dende kicked the back of Piccolo’s seat in defiance. "That wasn’t me! Yeah, sure I’m all sore, and yeah I was in the bathroom for ten minutes at Gohan’s house, but that wasn’t me!" Dende defended himself. Piccolo just laughed.

"Maybe you were possessed or something, but there aren’t any other demented little Namek’s running around on THIS planet. Not unless you’ve been doing something I don’t know about."

"What the… how dare you! I’m not even old enough to start spitting out eggs yet!" Dende said, shocked. Piccolo chuckled again.

"It was a joke, you moron. Man, that feels good. I’m the only person on the planet who can get away with calling god a moron. Moron Moron morrron… moron moron moron!"

"I’M NOT LISTENING!" Dende screamed.

Ten minutes later Piccolo and company were at an intersection. Cars were zooming past, and not one person was giving Piccolo some leeway to turn.

"Ok, I’m sure some fine citizen of Satan City will let us in soon…" Piccolo’s voice trailed off as another car zipped past. He gritted his teeth and bit back the urge to launch a Makkankosappo at the passing motorist.

"Hey Mr. Piccolo, I don’t think this is working." Gohan, glanced around as another car zipped past. Dende was busy doodling on a piece of paper, putting the finishing touches on the pencil sketch of the dragon he planned to make. He had stopped talking to Piccolo after babbling about how much he liked Nail better than Piccolo and that if he was him he’d let Nail have control of his body. The car’s continued to zoom past, as Piccolo groaned…

Twenty minutes later, Piccolo was at his wits’ end. Dende’s quiet pencil scratching and the flip flip of Gohan’s studying were grating away at his mind. Growling to himself, he started screaming in pain as he dug his fingers into his left shoulder and began to pull. Dende and Gohan looked up from their work, shocked beyond belief.

"PICCOLO? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" They exclaimed simultaneously, continuing to stare in horror. Piccolo didn’t answer as he finally tore the arm off. He tossed it on the front seat, concentrated, and regenerated his left arm. He then picked up his unattached arm and fiddled with the five fingers on the hand. He put down every finger, forming a fist in his severed arm. He then gripped the middle finger and tugged upward. Snickering slightly at his work, he carried his severed arm as he stepped out of the car, and began raising it over his head and waving it at the cars going past.

"What the… is he doing what I think he’s doing?" Dende asked, glancing out the window at Piccolo. Gohan shrugged and leaned next to Dende, rubbing his chin thoughtfully while looking out his window.

"Well… if what you think he’s doing is flipping the bird to the citizens of Satan City."

Dende groaned. "Maybe we should just skip school Gohan, this is going to get ugly if that approaching mob of traffickers have anything to say about it."

Gohan shook his head. "Nah, we’ll fly. C’mon, let’s go before they get too numerous." The two jumped out of the car and blasted off into the air. As they left, they could hear Piccolo yelling profanities at the crowd.

"YEAAAHHHH! YOU LIKE THAT SATAN CITY? YOU LIKE THAT! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Surprisingly, several impressionable youths came over to Piccolo and started chanting with him. The turbaned Namek smiled. He started tearing his arms off, manipulating them so that unmistakable gesture of disrespect and vulgarity was displayed, and handed them to the crowd, regenerating his arms every time he bestowed a "present" to another supporter.

Meanwhile, Son Goku had returned to the scene of Videl’s untimely demise after running around the world. He glanced around, confused, at the silence around him. His car, along with his son and guest, were nowhere to be seen.

"Hey, where’d my car go? And where’s Dende and Gohan?" Goku asked to the empty air.

"They left…" An ominous voice echoed from the bushes. Goku raised his hands in a defensive stance, since this voice wasn’t the nice cheery fairy godmother he had heard earlier.

"Who’s there?" Slowly, a diminutive, black cloaked figure that was about Dende’s height emerged from the bushes. Goku couldn’t see the figure’s face.

The mysterious person got straight to his point. "I’m looking for the Dragonballs… I’ve heard you might have one. Might you be willing to part with it?" The cloaked figure stared at Goku expectantly. Goku reached into his gi and pulled out the four star dragonball, which he made sure he almost always carried with him, since it held significant meaning to him.

He sighed, since he hated to say no to people, except on matters of food. "I’m sorry, but this is important to me. My Grandfather’s spirit is in it. I’m afraid I can’t part with it." Goku explained. The cloaked figure nodded.

"But Son Goku, would you trade for…" The figure reached into its cloak and withdrew a white ticket. "…This?" Goku squinted at the ticket, scratching his head and trying to read the ticket.

"What is it?" Goku asked, clutching his dragonball protectively.

"A ticket enabling one to be a contestant on the game show "Who wants to weigh a million pounds…" would you like it?" The figure replied. Goku’s eyes grew wide with delight.

"Sorry grandpa," The Saiya-jin muttered, handing the dragonball to the figure and taking the ticket. The figure walked away, leaving Goku gawking in delight at his prize. The figure smiled and stretched, basking in the orange glowiness of his latest acquisition. Two more to go, and then he would finally be able to set his plan in motion.