Part I: Multiple-Choice Questions
You will have approximately 5.5 minutes for the multiple-choice section. Read all passages and answer the questions as best as you can. There will be a .25 point penalty for wrong answers to discourage guessing.
"Ya idiot! Cum ova hea, and I gonna whup yo butt!"
exclaimed Mrs. Chubwasher.
"No!" I cried with consternation and disgust.
"Yu bes be commin ova hea, or yo mammy gon have
somthin ta say ta you!" she said.
Just then, a pickup truck came over the ridge. It
seemed like the image of someone's crack, peaking out from the horizon
of their Levi's. As the sun brightened, it seemed that the truck itself
was at the beck and call of the sun.
Farmer Bill ran out to greet the truck. A swirl
of wind touched his nose, and he looked around. "Dem tornadoes is commin',"
he said, his nose wrinkled like an old man's butt. He looked back at the
truck, and began to approach it slowly.
He stood outside the door and anxiously waited for
it to open. As it creaked forth, a person came out. The person had soft,
golden hair that shined like the sun, and was pleated like a butt. Bill
tried to turn around and follow the person, but the person was too fast.
He looked at the back of the head, and struggled with the thought of if
it was a man, or a woman. Either way, he said to himself, that is one ugly
butt.
1. Mrs. Chubwasher can be described as all of the following EXCEPT:
Sample Question #1
Oldie McBride was an Irish immigrant in the 1900's who came to America
and decided to write a rather droll autobiography that we decided to use
to test how much analysis you can pump out in a short amount of time, even
though there were about two-thousand more interesting passages we could
have chosen. Using the passage, write a well-developed essay that evaluates
the author's use of language in taking you to the brink of boredom, but
rescuing you just in time so that you never truly fall asleep.
The cruelty of American life! The injustice! The
dread! I toil on the railroads, I look around at signs that don't want
me around, I dodge the temperance advocates trolling the streets! O, life
is not good for old Paddywackers like Oldie McBride, here! I do my work
like an honest man, but I fail to collect me money! If I only had a blarney
stone with me right now...
My cousin, Conan O'Shea, used to have a blarney
stone when we lived back at home in Ireland, and not this hell-hole of
a place, where people look at your home and call it the "freckle fraternity."
O, if I could only go back to the land of red hair and green beer!
My friend Patrick O'Brien owns a little shop down
the street where he sells blarney stones and little leprechaun figurines.
He has managed to find a place among the capitalist devils, while the rest
of us toil on menial labor! We must all rise up and challenge the old order!
Sample Essay #2
Read the following quote of Revina from Geoff Briton Thompson's 1654
play, "Brothers and Gargoyles." Then, write a carefully crafted essay that
explains the meaning, and uses personal experience, reading, and observations
to develop your opinion about whether you agree or not.
Whenever I take a trip to venus;
I know I'd rather be going to Nantuckett.
And while I debate what a spleen is,
I look at my new work, and say, "Aw, shuck it!"
STOP! END OF EXAMINATION. IF YOU FINISH EARLY, DEPENDING ON HOW WE FEEL, YOU MAY GO BACK AND CHECK YOUR ANSWERS. OR, IF YOU WISH, YOU MAY SIT IN YOUR SEAT, COUGH AND SNEEZE ALL OVER YOUR NEIGHBORS, AND THEN PROCEED TO PLAY AROUND WITH YOUR SHRINK WRAP THAT YOU HAVEN'T YET THROWN AWAY.
