With the flea marketing season officially kicking off on May 1st, I felt it was important to reunite the Superiors in print to assist the public with their flea marketing ventures. After all, who knows more about the ins and outs of flea markets than the Superior Family? You aren’t just getting some chump list made by a couple of ham and eggers, this is the real deal. Men and women have died just to get this information to the public. So without further ado, I give you the list, compiled by...

Haggling

Lazer - Haggling is a major aspect of flea marketing, because its really one of the only places that you can actually do it at. I found myself wanting to barter countless times during the summer cause I was just so used to doing it at flea markets. It only sweetens the taste of getting an item you’ve been itching to find.

Blazer - One thing I am proud to say is that the group looked out for each other. There was this one woman who wouldn't budge on any of her prices. There was this one action figure that I had been looking for and she happened to have it. I asked her how much it was and she told me $8. I asked her if she would take $6 for it because we haggled everything. She wouldn't budge (the bitch) and I stormed off swearing under my breath. Later that day when I was still complaining Matt asked me to give me the $6 and to trust him. He went back to that same lady and asked her if she would take $6 for the figure because he needed to save the rest of his money for gas to get home and he had already spent like $20 at her table earlier that day so the least she could do is cut him a deal. Reluctantly she sold it to him at which point I walked up, took it from his hand and said 'thank you'. it stands for everything that the superiors were all about. haggling, flea markets, sticking up for each other, banding against vendors, uniting against a common foe, childhood toys and collecting We went back to the flea market the next week and she wasn't there. As the story goes she needed that extra $2. She couldn't make rent and was kicked out of her apartment and lost everything. She is now living under the MacDonald Bridge on the Dartmouth side. The moral of the story: DON'T FUCK WITH THE SUPERIORS.

Death-Ray - I'm a softy. I can't haggle at a charity flea market unless I let myself forget that it's for a charity. I did end up buying that X-Files spoof computer game for their asking price didn't I? Tisk tisk. Now, if it's not a charity, or if I fail to recognize it as a charity flea market... there's no holding back! The worst that can happen is they refuse right? WRONG. The worst that can happen is that they are a biznatch about it and refuse, while only offering a stupidly high price because the THINK they know what that dirty old thing is worth. IT'S NOT EVEN IN NEAR-MINT CONDITION FOOL!!!! EVEN IF SO, YOU'D ONLY FIND IT FOR $4 ON EBAY BIZNATCH! Go blow a goat. So there my day is ruined. Stupid punk adult who's trying to be cool pissed me off. Again. Oh wow, I'm feeling the rage, just reflecting on it. So worst case, they seriously piss me off so I have to repeatedly go over and over the stupid scenario with my fellow Superiors. They're good for that. Vent. aiweauiroe;aeilrmv;i. Now often haggling is successful. Especially when some nice old man gets talking about my future education and says that if I promise to stick with it I can have everything I want at his table for free. True story. And that lady who would give me free ponies right out of the trunk of her car while visiting MY yard sale... I miss her. BACK OFF SHE'S MINE. Oh crap, I don't live there anymore...

Blade - I will haggle anything. Anything. I once bartered a $5 complete Nintendo Entertainment System at a charity event, from an woman older than the community center it was held in. I bartered it down to $4 just to say I got a deal. I bought ninja gaiden for 75 cents, and almost went to the woman's house to buy the rest of her idiot son's VG collection.

Lazer - I remember one dick telling Nick that haggling is only for yard sales. What the hell is the difference between a yard sale and an outdoor flea market. Go to hell!

Avoid Vendors

Blade - Vendors are annoying trash. I hope one day to be one, but I hate seeing them at flea markets. Vendors don't sell Ninja Gaiden for 75 cents, as a matter of fact they usually sell Super Mario/Duck Hunt for more than the day's McDeal of Two Cheeseburgers/Coke/Fries. These are the kind of people who sit behind the table with a smug look on their face as they buy some kid's game boy for five dollars and then place it on the table for thirty. and then won't go down to $29 on it because "That's the least they can take." Yea, screw these card carrying communists.

Blazer - As much as we hated it when sellers were arrogant to us, sometimes times called for us to be arrogant to them. There was one fellow who overpriced everything. I spotted an action figure that I already owned and had paid $5 for from another seller but I was curious as to how much he was selling his for. I walked up and used the patented Superiors line 'so, how much for this guy'. He said, 'ten dollars, firm' and crossed his arms. I told him that somebody at another part of the flea market was selling the same thing for $5 and I asked him if he could match their price. He responded by telling me that if I wanted it so badly I could pay him the $10 for it or go and buy it from the other guy. I said back to him 'if you can transform the thing fully I'll gladly pay you $10 for it' and I walked away. My god he was a bastard.

Lazer - I absolutely hate vendors. They are the clutter that stinks up quality flea markets. They’ll sit there with their brand new DVDs, video games, belts, hats, sunglasses, or thongs and charge regular prices. The flea market should be for people emptying their attics, not some hoser making a tax-free living. A few years ago, the government tried to pass a bill required vendors to show proof of purchase for the goods they sell. There was an uproar cause they couldn’t provide such documentation. I wonder why, perhaps because they’re black market goods? How can you not have documentation for a DVD that came out the past Tuesday? Smells like bullshit to me. Back to the clutter issue, I can think of several vendors that I saw in Halifax, Sussex, and the 75 KM yard sale. If I didn’t want your goods in Halifax, then I probably won’t buy them 400 KM away either. I do like it though because their high prices mean that they have to cart their goods all over the region. Asses!

Death-Ray - Vendor? What vendor? After a while, I don't even notice vendors anymore. It's like their table isn't even there. Like if I'm looking for Kraft Dinner at the grocery store, do I notice the spinach? No. After becoming a 133t flea marketer, you develop an eye for v. quick and efficient scanning to avoid wasting valuable time while someone else could be moving in on the goods. With that said, have I ever arrived a minute too late to see a cute little girl about to leave a table with a purple MLP with a raised ice cream symbol in one hand and her mother’s hand in the other, after a happy purchase? Yes. Did the kid leave the premises with it still in hand? No. pwned. >:} (I was a little girl once… I’m not afraid of them).

Carry Small Change

Lazer - I like small change because it allows me to haggle better. Its hard to haggle them down to a price and then pull out a twenty. Plus I always thought it was kind of annoying to pay for a $1 toy and give them a twenty.

Death-Ray - It's common courtesy to not give large bills to the seller, depriving them of their change needed for further sales. No need to stress them out over not having enough change to last them the day (unless they’re biznatches of course). If I plan to go to a flea market/ yard sale, I will have small change. Loonies, toonies, and quarters are sufficient. Warning: If asking for change in coins from a twenty at A&W, they may hand you a handful of nickels and pennies. Some people need to have things spelled out for them.

Blade - Carry small change never applied to Nick. Nick doesn't give a flying rats ass if he barters the vendor down from $5 to $3 and then hands him a twenty. It's about insulting them, kicking the dirt in their very faces once you've demolished their financial integrity.

Blazer - When we traveled to Sussex, all of us with the exception of Nick went to the bank to pick up some small change. I took $80 out of my bank account but I wanted to get all of that money in 5 dollar bills, just to make haggling easier. I went to one of the tellers who was quite attractive. Based on past experience I knew that my friends knew that I thought that she was attractive and they would do anything to make a fool out of me, or better yet to see me make a fool out of myself. I was doing a pretty good job not making eye contact with any of my 'friends' and keeping my composure. Well, let me tell you Nick wouldn't have that so he started talking to me from across the room in a less than masculine voice. I could feel my face getting red but more or less I was still keeping my composure. Nick sensed this so he came over and put his arm around me, continuing to talk very flamboyantly. Now I knew that I would never see this bank teller again but I was still embarrassed as Hell. As soon as she handed me my $80 in 5 dollar bills I was out of there. I spent the next ten minutes telling nick what an ass he is while everyone was laughing at my red face. The whole point of this is the fact that we would turn on each other at the drop of a hat if it meant that the rest of us would get a good laugh.

Ignorance is bliss

Lazer - People have this horrible idea that just because some junk is worth something, naturally everything must be worth something. Or they have the mentality that because it goes for that on ebay, it must be worth that in real life. Ebay is a global marketplace, the flea market at the Penhorn Mall is not, therefore prices should be lower, as there isn’t a global presence, bidding up the price. Anyway, many will base their price on the eagerness of the buyer. That’s why I always play it cool and ask, "uh yeah, how much for this guy?" even though I know damn well who he is, or I wouldn’t be asking.

Blade - Playing dumb with people regarding video games only works if the person selling them also is A) Not a vendor B) Not a gamer. It's okay if they are pseudo-gamers, like 12 year old kids selling their Sega Genesis with 10 games for $10. I'll take that. But vendors selling "Tag Team Wrestling" for $10, I'l leave. WINNARS : STRONG BADS.

Blazer - As much as I agree with Nick when he said that sometimes it is good to claim ignorance 'how much is this guy' I have to say that sometimes it is good to let the sellers know that you know exactly what you were talking about. One time stands out when I was going to buy transformers from a guy who was wearing a transformers hat so it could be assumed that he knew what he was talking about. Luckily I was wearing my transformers shirt underneath my stylish leather jacket. As I approached the table I unzipped the jacket and saw his eyes move to my chest. That's right. He knew that I knew my shit, and I knew that he knew his shit. There was no way that we were going to take advantage of each other.

Death-Ray - "Do you have any horse toys? My little cousin just loves horses." But damn those evil people who think they know what's going on and wont budge even if all the worlds toyless children were knocking on their door. *feeling the rage again* "Someone always comes along that'll pay that price, if not more" DAMN YOU DESPRATE FOOLS WITH TOO MUCH MONEY!!!!!

Don’t Hesitate

Lazer - You can always resell a good if you no longer want it. I was so pissed when I passed on that big stereo with the tape player, turntable, and three foot tall speakers for $20. When I FINALLY decided to get it, it was long gone. Man I was pissed!

Blade - Yeah, don't hesitate, or that bastard O'Brien will buy the lava lamp right out from under your ass.

Death-Ray - Is it called hesitating if the lava lamp is cradled in your arms? *evil glare in Blazer's direction*

Time Management

Blazer - Another thing we did was budget our time. When we went flea marketing we left the valley around 7:00am. We would have left earlier but we knew that by leaving at 7am Desiree would be ready around 7:40am. It was important that we covered a lot of ground in a small amount of time because on any given Sunday we could go to between 2 and 5 flea markets. Then we had to go to lunch and then we had to go to Value Village. I forget exactly who we were always waiting for but this one time Matt, Nick, and I went to 3 flea markets, 2 Value Villages and 1 Steak and Stein and were back home by 2:00pm, making incredible time. I wouldn't have given that up for the world though. The best part of it all was knowing that at least one of us would come home with something really cool; most likely coming from our childhood and we had been looking for for a long time.

Death-Ray - Bugger off. "[You're] pulling a Desiree". I'm working on it...

Karma

Blazer - MonctonMania II was one of the most fun road trips I have ever been on. Of course between Crystal Palace, Magic Mountain and our many trips to McDonalds we had to get some flea marketing in. One place that we went to was less than satisfying so we traveled the streets of the Moncton suburbs looking for yard sales. In our usual way we got to this one house, bought as much as we could for as little money as we could and we left. One thing was wrong: the car wouldn't start. Could this be the gods kicking us in the ass for haggling with so many sellers? It turns out that the people who we ripped off came over to the car, looked at a bunch of stuff under the hood and eventually we got the car going again. Turns out that for some reason the car would only start when it was in the neutral gear. Go figure, it was a Neon. It was great because we were feeling so satisfied for getting such great deals, and then we had to go crawling back to the sellers. It was a dark day for the Superiors.

Lazer - My poor Neon!

Death-Ray - It's all about our crew and the vibe we put down. What a bunch. *sigh* The Neon pwned the Sunfire.

Scouts

Lazer - If a small flea market requires admission, a scout is generally needed. That way she (Desiree) can check it out without us wasting $4, and pick us up anything cool she finds. We also used a scout towards the end of the 75 KM yard sale, as it was muggy and we were getting hot. A great system.

Blazer - Nobody’s questioning the system.

Blade - Desiree was an excellent scout. "It's all shit". Yes indeed.

Death-Ray - I hate missing out on things. As much as I trust my mates, there are some things that I know I'd want that they wouldn't notice, chances are because I don't know I'd want it until I see it. If left in the car, the infamous "What if?" is present. Sometimes it's just a case of "if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself". Scout needed? I’m there!

Well there you have it, simple key success factors that can make a Flea Market King out of some lonely, forgotten Meatball. I hope these tips can lead you to finds like a $5 Ghostbuster Fire Station, $5 Nintendos, Cheaper Kups, and My Little Ponys galore! Remember, it only takes one table!

Death-Ray - I on the other hand, do NOT hope these tips lead you to find My Little Ponies galore. BACK OFF! GET YOUR OWN SANDWICH!! :P

Bonus Feature - Sussex Spite Memories!

Blazer - The number one principle was to be intense in everything we did. A case in point is when we traveled over 400kms to Sussex, New Brunswick because we heard of a super flea market happening. Originally when Nick was sending a package to Newfoundland at the post office we were talking to the clerk and he mentioned he liked to collect 80s toys as well. He proceeded to tell us that he had found over 60 transformers in Sussex for $50. When he said that he didn't collect anymore I asked him if I could give him money to have him pick me up transformers he finds. I mean, he didn't collect and he could make a little bit of money. After telling me 'no' I looked at nick, he looked at me and we both knew we had to go to this giant flea market. Originally he and I were going to take the bus and sleep in some field somewhere but after some convincing Matt, Desiree and Rose decided to join us. After hours of walking around the metropolis of vendors, sellers, and people who we were pretty sure were selling stolen stereo equipment although we had all bought something nothing spectacular had happened to Jonathan. Matt had got the Ghostbusters headquarters for $5 along with many figures, Desiree had got many hard to find MLP and nick had got two proton packs in their box along with the elusive arm band and I.D. card. Although I bought the Castle of Lions from Voltron, I still wasn't satisfied. Suddenly out of nowhere Desiree came running up to me saying that I had to come quick. Of course I went with her and she led me to a table full of old toys. The guy behind the table brings out a box FULL of transformers. I asked him how much he wanted for the whole box and he named a price that was waaaaay out of my range. We haggled for a while (which was the style at the time) and I picked out all of the best ones and the ones that I didn't own yet. The kicker was who was waiting behind me?.....................the clerk from the post office who told me he wouldn't pick up transformers for me. Ah, it was great. The look of disgust on his face was worth the 800+ kms we drove that day.

Lazer - I loved how when we were leaving Sussex my windshield wiper broke. You see, Nick had accidentally broken it months earlier at the Drive-In, but it continued to work, up until that moment, coincidentally enough when he was in the backseat, with everyone ready to rat him out. While we were waiting for the guy to install the wiper, Nick and I bought one of those scented things for the car with a muscular black guy on it. We then put it in O’Brien’s Castle of Lions, waiting for him to find it when he got home. Good times!

Blade - When we went into the Ultramar for the second time, the girl working there made some comment like, "weren’t you in here today already" to which I replied, "You remember? I’m Flattered!" Classic heel.

Death-Ray - Finding that box of Transformers made me so excited I wasn't fit to talk to, unless it was about how awesome my play was. Ever see someone proud of them self? Man, I'm sure I had that goofy proud as a peacock look on my face. Ha ha and avoiding eye contact with the Inferiors even after being greeted by name, so many miles away from home. Asking the man to stash the box, with them RIGHT THERE. That was gold. I can't believe he held it! Things would have been a lot more difficult if he refused. (Note the difference cooperating with me can make... proud vs. pissed). "Are you just picking out the most valuable ones?" "He's just picking out the ones he doesn't have... He already has all the good ones" (or something along those lines). Yay looking out for each other. That's what it's all about!

Lazer - HA! I forgot all about us calling them the Inferiors! Take that chumps!