Halloween has always been a strange holiday. After all, nobody would get away with decorating their homes or businesses with tombstones, skeletons and zombies in July. It’d be downright creepy. But somehow, in October, it works. And of course, Halloween was an easy sell for kids. After all, not only could you dress up as your favorite cartoon character, but you would also walk home with a buttload of candy. And believe me, Matt circa late 80s, early 90s would do just about anything for candy. Who am I kidding, I’ll do anything for candy now. Anyway, Halloween has always provided with some interesting stories, and you get the pleasure of reading them. Believe me, it’s more entertaining than waiting for the Great Pumpkin to show up.

1987 would be the first Halloween that I actually remember, and I credit that solely to my Hulk Hogan costume. Unlike most of the costumes in those days, instead of having Hulk’s face on my chest, I actually had a quality duplicate of Hulk’s everyday wrestling attire, complete with Championship Belt. That year, Ma dressed as a witch and Michelle created her own Jem costume, and we got our picture taken down at the Mall. I love that picture, brother!

But in 1989, the terror that was Garfield’s Halloween became all too real. A few days before Halloween, I had finally made it through the entire thrity minute Garfield special. I guess I felt a little cockier in the days that followed. And why not? Not only had I watched all of Garfield’s Halloween without crying to my Momma, but I was going out as a G.I. Joe this year. As I recall, it was the typical mask with a plastic smock, with the character’s face and logo on the front. Not that it mattered, because I had my plastic gun with me, so I was safe. Gotta love the mentality of a five year old. Anyway, during the evening’s trick or treating, I misplaced my gun. No big deal though, cause I had a sackful of candy. The last house that we stopped at that year was a doctor friend of my mother’s. We walked into the creepy, candle-lit home, and immediately I was on edge. Sure, there were lots of houses that were decorated for Halloween, but this place WAS Halloween. Then, the doctor comes out from the back dressed as a vampire. I quickly go from being on edge to being scared. And then I see him. Sitting on a throne in the middle of the living room is Jason Voorhees and a bigass axe. I quickly became downright hysterical, literally paralyzed with fear! How I didn’t piss myself, is still a mystery to me. Sure, as a five year old, I had never seen any slasher movies, but believe me, I knew who this guy was, and I knew what he did to kids, possibly ones dressed as G.I. Joes. Somewhere, Garfield was laughing at me. Anyway, I was glued to Ma’s leg, and wailing like crazy. Even the fact that this guy was giving me a candy apple didn’t correct the situation. Somehow they got me calmed down, and back into the car. And what was my idea for saving face? Well, I tried to explain that I wouldn’t have been so scared if I had my gun. Again, the five year old mentality. Surprisingly, nobody bought it. In related news, I never ate the apple. I’m sure that Jason poisoned people in one of those movies...

Looking back, I base my fear that night solely on the fact that we were 2 months removed from the end of the 80s. Now that's scary!

If you can’t tell what I was in 1990, well I can’t blame you. I was a Ninja Turtle. Somehow at the Beavers Halloween party, my mask was broken, so I settled for a red mask made of common party streamers. It was also quite cold that year, so Ma made me wear a jacket. From there I would be an Executioner, Murderer, and Vampire.

In 1995, my Batman Forever fever translated into a Riddler costume. Sadly, I was not able to find any pictures of me in said costume, but believe me, it was awesome. I patterned myself after the animated Riddler, cane and all. I was so proud of how awesome I looked. Then we went trick or treating...and nobody knew who I was! The movie only came out a few months earlier, and lets not forget 60 some years of comics, several television shows, and all that. Sure most kids knew, but just about everyone giving out candy asked who I was supposed to be. A couple even asked why I was carrying a baseball bat! IT WAS A CANE! It was much larger than a baseball bat! Morons!

1996 will always be remembered as an interesting Halloween to say the least. I had planned on being Link from The Legend of Zelda. The only problem was that I kept putting it off. And, what would be a common problem for me over the years, is that I required items that they haven’t sold in stores for years. So, I settled on a "Gatekeeper" costume which I believed I could modify slightly so I looked just like the Hero of Hyrule. Not surprisingly, it turned out crappily. Problem was, it was now 4:30 on October 31! No problem, I’ll just get some makeup, a witch nose, and pass myself off as "The Gatekeeper". After all, that’s what the costume was supposed to be in the first place. Two new problems arose. First, the costume sucked. And, it wasn’t so much that it sucked, but I accidentally ripped it. So, we’re leaving in 20 minutes and I have no costume. That’s when my dear sister comes up with the idea to dress me in drag. Blinded by the desire for candy, I agreed. But I wasn’t going out as a slut. And believe me, there’s a difference. A quick change here, and some last minute make-up, and Mattina was born. Thankfully, she died later that evening never to be seen again, coincedentally enough, once I got home with my candy. Here’s a pick of the lovely Mattina, with her beloved Indian Sister. Scary, no?

After the Mattina experience, Halloween would never be the same, and 1997 would be my last year trick or treating. That year, I went out as an ER doctor, and other than an unfrozen freezie spilling over my candy, making everything sticky, it was a good time.

In 2000, my high school had a Halloween party for all of the grads. I had recently adopted the name of Czar Matthew, so it only made sense that I show up with my cape and crown. Besides, San Francisco was having a sale on them, so it was a perfect fit. The only thing that really sticks out in my memory from that night was the pumpkin carving contest where my team carved a crown onto a pumpkin. Sure it didn’t win, but by God, it was a pumpkin fit for a Czar.

In my first year of University, my floor attempted to organize a Halloween party for all of the minors. And like most dry university events, nobody took any notice, so a handful of us got together to watch scary movies. It was too bad too, because I had made a huge effort getting a Sting costume, complete with circa 1997 Sting mask. But, it wasn’t all bad, because we picked up discount candy and rented Sleepaway Camp 2 and 3. So while slutty kitties were getting drunk at the bar, we were enjoying the antics of Riff and the Tit Patrol. Life was good. My buddy Jarvis also stopped by, providing us with this great photo-op.

But 2003 and 2004 would be the most memorable years by far. Now in our early 20s, O’Brien and I dressed up as Ghostbusters both years and went tick or treating. Surprising, nobody really questioned us, and if they did, we’d explain that we were seniors at the local high school. Its a good thing that we shaved. And so, while others were out getting drunk at the bar, we were out getting candy, and then laughing at the drunks at the bar. The best of both worlds! The best part was that our late 80s Ghostbusting equipment made us GODS around the university. I can’t even begin to count how many people FREAKED OUT that we had these vintage Ghostbuster toys. A couple girls even invited us to a house party the next night. Guess they had some ghosts in the attic.

My favorite moment had to be when we were coming back from trick or treating and one of the dorms has in the middle of a fire drill. We walked around the corner, and yelled, "who you gonna call?" and all 100 people yelled back, "GHOSTBUSTERS"! But we weren’t done then. We walked up to security, telling them that we got a call about a ghost. But as usual, security couldn’t take a joke, and told us to step away from the dorm. C’mon morons, we’re here to believe you! Oh yeah, I also really like this pic. I watched Sailor Moon about a decade ago, but look! A live action Sailor Mercury! I had to get this pic taken!

All in all, a great holiday, and some great memories. This year, I head back to X, where this year, the Mario Bros. will make an appearance. Hopefully all the ladies will be hooked on the brothers!