As I am a frequent ebayer and tape trader, I am always getting packages in the mail. Whether it is a tape of the 1987 Thanksgiving Day Parade, a Sleepaway Camp poster, or a Two-Face McDonalds Glass, the mailman is always making stops at my house. The only problem is that he likes to deliver my goods around 8:45am. And while it is bad enough that Dok barks his fool head off, the mailman insists on ringing the doorbell, forcing me to scramble into the nearest clothes, clean or not, and race to the door. It is like a sick game on his part, because if I don’t make it to the door in time, I have to wait until 5pm to pick it up myself at the Post Office. And believe me, it’s been close a few times. In my haste to find pants, the mailman filled out one of those pickup forms, and was on his way to the truck. So the point is, speed is of the essence.

This Friday morning, I was given another such early wakeup call. Being familiar with the process now (its been a good summer), I raced out and received my package. The only problem was that I had no idea what it was. The only thing that I was expecting was the Sleepaway Camp poster, and there was no way this was a poster. It is basically at this point that my sleep-deprived mind took over.

You see, I was up late the night before playing Red Dead Revolver for PS2. I was stuck on the level where you’re outside the Governor’s Mansion, and had basically given up a few weeks prior. After finishing up my new games, I decided to try my luck with Red Dead. Surprisingly, I had no problem beating the level. Of course I had to continue, eventually beating the game around 2am or so. The ending itself was pretty anti-climactic, but I was still pleased with myself. After reading a comic, I finally got to bed at 2:30. And of course, I was woken up at 7, when Dok barked, so I really didn’t sleep well.

Back to 8:45am. Here I am looking at this box, still having no clue as to what is inside. I looked at the sender’s address, but it did little to jog my memory. So of course, the only natural explanation was that this must be a bomb. Keep in mind that I was half asleep at the time, people! So of course, the only way to deal with a bomb is to shake the box. Hmmm, still nothing. Ok, I have to open this thing. I opened up the right corner of the box, ever so slightly. No detonation. I started to pull a little more of the flaps, when I noticed a huge gash in the side of the box, with orange fabric sticking out. Good old Canada Post. At least I can look to them to take good care of my packages. No longer fearing an explosion, I tore open the box, and gazed at its contents…

…And finally remembered ordering them! It was my Kool-Aid Stuff. Fresh from the Wacky Warehouse, and personally sent by Kool-Aid Man himself! It was a feeling I had not experienced since 1995, when I last ordered something from the Big Man.

First off, we have official Kool-Aid Spoons! No more using generic wooden spoons to mix up delicious Kool-Aid for me. For a measly 100 points each, I couldn’t pass up on these babies! And to lower wind and…water resistance, Kool-Aid Man’s face has been punched into the spoons, so I can stir up a frenzy without any problems!

Next, to promote the good name of Kool-Aid, we have an orange Kool-Aid shirt. Just like a Mullet, its business in the front, and party in the back! I can’t wait for all of the Superiors to get their shirts in the mail! It’ll be bigger than when we all had Ghostbusters shirts! And in bright orange, everyone will see us coming!

Finally, the Jug de Resistance! Thankfully, my box shaking from earlier did not damage the precious Glass Kool-Aid jug. Thankfully, the good folks at Kool-Aid took my ten dollars shipping and handling and put it to good use, safely packing he jug in bubble-wrap, which I made short work of. The Jug is a work of art, anxiously awaiting me to fill it up with delicious Kool-Aid. I may have to retire my original red plastic jug from 1995.

So there you have it, the odyssey is over, time to reap the rewards! Thanks to Kool-Aid Invisible, I have been rewarded by the Wacky Warehouse the likes of which I will never forget. And, thanks to Kool-Aid Man’s generosity, I still have the 450 points from last summer. So now, the plan is to stock up on Kool-Aid Invisible, and get ready for next year’s Wacky Warehouse campaign.

Hmmm, what could next year’s products be? Sunglasses? Or Kool-Aid Man Atari 2600 games!