Do you ever have those times when you feel like you’re the only one who feels about something the way that you do? Perhaps you actually liked Pepsi Blue, or hated Santa Claus. I bet that you were ostracized for your beliefs. Sometimes I wonder about that as I write articles for this rockin’ page, thinking that one wrong move could spell the end of this site. Thankfully, today will not be one of those days, as I’m sure we’ll all agree about this one. I’m not really sure how to put it any better than, I HATE MR. WENDY! There’s just something about him that makes my blood boil.

For me, Wendy’s has always been a good place to eat, but many times it’s been tied for fourth with McDonalds, behind Subway, Burger King, and Taco Bell. I always liked their food, but there wasn’t one thing on the menu that really stood out as something I’d want to have all the time. Well, maybe the Bacon Mushroom Melt, but they only have that for two months in the year, which really pisses me off. Anyway, I always liked the restaurants, and ads with Dave Thomas or the WrestleMania 2’s own “Where’s the Beef” lady, I was never enraged enough to avoid the restaurant. This brings me to Mr. Wendy.

This is an article that I intended to write a long time ago, as I was bombarded with seeing images of this puke every single day. Then his voice was on the radio! There was nowhere I could hide that would keep me from hearing about his bizarre love for the fast food chain. He was even on that episode of Seinfeld where the black and white cookie made Jerry sick.

However, then it happened, he was gone. Our good friend Dave Thomas came back from the grave, and fired Mr. Wendy. Well, not exactly, but his image started appearing once again on Wendy’s advertisements. It put me into a paranoid state, thinking that I could get my hopes up, and then have them dashed again by that “unofficial spokesman”. However, I am proud to report that after a quick google search, it is indeed true, Mr. Wendy was officially fired by the company back in November of 2004. It is my pleasure to say that this article is now officially a post-mortem on Mr. Wendy. I couldn’t be any happier. Anyway, let’s give a brief history of this moron before we shovel the last bit of dirt onto his grave.

It started out innocently enough with him standing outside the corporate headquarters of Wendy’s reading a letter from the company. It seems that he had dubbed himself “Mr. Wendy” and that he was an “unofficial spokesman” for the restaurant. The letter was a clever cease and desist order from the fast food giant and the ad ended with him being chased by security. That wasn’t so bad, was it?

But it didn’t stop there. Suddenly he would be going to parties and bringing Wendy’s salads, or replacing baseball coaches and kidnapping kids to come to Wendy’s. But that wasn’t enough. His desire to spread the word of Wendy’s lead him to stalk people in the evening hours to tell them that Wendy’s was open late, or break into offices to distribute Wendy’s new salads. That’s right, straight out of Mission: Impossible, we see our beloved Mr. Wendy sneaking through air ducts, and using zip lines to promote salads. How this was supposed to get people interested in them is beyond me, and I’d like to say that I know a bit about marketing and advertising. The whole concept just didn’t make sense to me, I mean, why did this guy care so much about a fast food chain? For example, I love Wild Cherry Pepsi and Hostess Fruit Pies, but I don’t give a damn if other people do. Just as long as they keep making them, I’m happy. So why would Mr. Wendy spend all of his time promoting a restaurant that he didn’t work for? Many have speculated that he was unemployed, but I just can’t see that being possible, as he’s been seen giving away those expensive salads in several ads.

Anyway, back to the ads. It wasn’t so bad that they were annoying, because there are lots of those out there, but it was the fact that I couldn’t go a day without seeing several of them. During the Simpsons, King of the Hill, Seinfeld stretch on Fox 31, there was no way that I’d avoid seeing him every other commercial break. What started out as a simple annoyance, soon festered into so much more.

I searched the internet for information on Mr. Wendy and found out that I wasn’t the only one who felt that way. There were sites that just dismissed him as not being funny, others that hated his guts, and even one that wrote a song about him. On rateitall.com, the ads were given a 1.57 out of 10, with one person saying they’d given them a 0 if it were possible. My personal favorite is the guy who thinks that Mrs. Wendy is pretty hot.

Finally, judgement day for Mr. Wendy came on November 6, 2004. The restaurant, after having sales dip by 5.8% in US stores in October 2004, changed their ads to focus more on the food, than just some guy who likes the food. Forbes.com reported that a JP Morgan securities representative dismissed the ads when he said "We believe a lousy family-focused advertising campaign featuring 'Mr. Wendy' misses the mark". I couldn’t have put in any better myself. The funny thing is that the ads only ran for about 9 months, but I could have sworn that it was much longer than that.

I decided to take this article one step further and asks Mr. Wendy’s fellow mascots what they thought about Wendy’s bold move to replace the “unofficial spokesman”.

"I don’t know what his problem was. I mean, how often do you see me talking about the food? I’m usually doing magic tricks or something. You’d never see me giving away free food. Kudos to you Wendy’s, Kudos!"

"This guy was sick. I liked Dominos, but after a few years of doing the ads and eating their pizza, I gained about 40 pounds and developed high blood pressure. I can only imagine what Wendy’s would do to you."

"Why eat there, when you can eat at Arby’s?"

"See you in the unemployment line".

"He owes me five bucks".

""That guy is even more annoying that me. I could totally take him down! Anytime, anyplace, if you’ve got the balls!"

There you have it folks, will Mr. Wendy accept the challenge? Stay tuned to the Czar’s Kingdom for more updates on the showdown of the century. Jared vs. Mr. Wendy is a steel cage match, where the loser is forever banned from eating at his respective restaurant! Live on Pay-Per-View!!!!!!!