Warning! This entertaining review of Sleepaway Camp 3: Teenage Wasteland contains spoilers! However, you should know that by now, after reading my other two reviews. The only reason why I do make a warning now is to avoid having people emailing me and whining that I ruined the movie for them and their children. We all know people like that. Then of course they’d initiate an entire boycott of my site and you’d miss my review of Sleepaway Camp 4: The Survivor, which is sure to be as great as the production scenes I shelled out for. Please note the sarcasm.

The movie opens with a girl getting ready to go to camp. Already one minute into the movie and we have boobs. For a non-porno movie, that has to be a record. For some reason, she has the words “milk shake” written on her funbags. That’s exaggerating honey, I mean, they’re barely even a mini-sip.

She heads outside to her bus stop, but has apparently run afoul of the local garbage men, who chase her down in their truck. She runs into an alley, past garbage bag pyramids, and gets plowed down. The driver gets out, and seems to be her exact double, stuffing her into the back of the trash compacter. The killer then takes her place at the bus stop, and she sure looks familiar. She gets in the bus to camp, leaving graffiti on the wall, proclaiming that Angela is back. YES!

We’re back at Camp Rolling Hills! We’re with a news reporter who’s here to tell us about Camp New Horizons and its kooky new owners, Herman and Lilly. Must be a slow news day. Their idea is to take kids from upper and lower class homes, put them together in the woods, and let them explore caring and sharing and all that other hippy crap. Interesting idea, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to go to a camp where EVERYBODY was killed just a year go, and the killer is still on the loose. Anyway, the reporter spills the beans to the public that everyone was murdered last year and we get introduced to our happy campers.

From the rich, we have Cindy, Greg, Jan, Peter, Bobby, and Marsha. The lower class/tough campers are A-Rab, Snowboy, Anita, Riff, Tony, and Maria. Maria seems reluctant to show her face on TV, maybe because somebody may recognize her as our beloved Angel of Death. We also get our first racist comment of the movie as Marsha thinks Tony is cute, but Cindy doesn’t agree because he’s Mexican. Nice.

The reporter asks Angela where she can score some coke, and Angela points her towards to machine in the dining hall. Hilarious! But wait, she means cocaine! I wonder how Angela feels about this. She comes back with more than a gram of stuff, but it turns out its comet! The reporter takes a sniff and dies a gruesome death. Guess it wasn’t pure.

Inside the dining hall, the campers interact a little, with Riff pulling a knife on Bobby. He rules! Bobby also shows his skills with the ladies by trying to pick up on Angela with the old “so, you’re underprivileged, huh” line. Surprisingly, it doesn’t look like it worked. Lilly explains the rules that they will be camping out in groups of five for three days, while Herman seduces Jan with his Playboy belt buckle. I may have to get one of those.

We get subplot #1 as our third councillor arrives, Officer Barney Whitmore. You might remember his son, the TV star, from the last Sleepaway Camp. Riff starts belching for some reason, which annoys Tony. Riff tells him to “suck his dick, spick” and the fight is on. Riff pulls out his trusty knife, but gets handled by Barney. Caring and Sharing!

We get a peek into the girls’ bunk with boobs galore. Marsha stumbles upon some graffiti in the bunk, saying “Fuck Angela Baker”. That’s just rude. Anyway, A-Rab starts with the trash talk on Angela, not knowing she’s in the other room, which could lead to trouble for her later on.

Outside, Barney messes up a positive ID on Angela and the teens get split up into groups.

Tony starts giving Barney attitude, and the kids find out that his son, Sean, was murdered here last year. That would be pretty weird.

Back at Herman’s camp, Angela and the crew are going fishing, while Jan stays back at camp. Angela catches an old hockey mask, perhaps the one used in Sleepaway Camp 2, and we get a classic line:

Angela: What day is it anyway?

Snowboy: Saturday.

Peter: Yeah, the 14th.

Back at the camp, Herman is getting to know Jan much better. I doubt he even got paid to do this movie, and just accepted making out with her as payment. Sounds like a fair trade to me. Angela stumbles upon them in the tent and beats Herman with the stick, before shoving it into his mouth. Jan is horrified by this, but also gets beaten with the stick, and killed. Angela says its lucky that Jan’s dead, cause her boobs would have started sagging in a few years anyway. Yeah, I’m sure that Jan would agree with that logic.

Later that evening, Angela finds herself doing all the work, while Snowboy spray paints her tent, and Peter launches another firecracker. She wonders why she thought this year would be any different. Maybe she should just go camping by herself next time. Or maybe with Aunt Martha. HMMMMMMMMM!

Back at Barney’s, Marsha has to use the can, so Barney sends Tony to go with her. We get the only cheap scare of this movie, as Tony gets scared of a racoon. Yeah, I’d be a little creeped out if nineteen people were murdered out here last year too.

It seems that Angela is tired of her fellow campers and decides she needs a little peace and quiet. She places a firecraker in Peter’s nose, and lights the fuse, making a bit of a mess. Snowboy screams, but gets a club to the head. In one of the funniest, yet incredibly sadistic parts of the movie, Angela places all of the dead bodies into one tent, sets it ablaze, and roasts marshmallows off of it. I’ll bet that she just killed them so she didn’t have to share the marshmallows.

The next morning at Lilly’s camp, we find out that Cindy doesn’t like Riff’s “rap music” and Angela shows up to switch places with somebody. A-Rab is the “lucky shithead” going to Herman’s and the two of them walk back to what remains of the camp. Long story short, A-Rab loses her head.

Lilly’s campers are getting to know each other better, by exchanging their signs and favourite movies. Angela likes ET, and there’s probably some sort of inside joke there, but I don’t get it. Bobby likes movies that make America look great, while Cindy prefers ones with great acting, like the Care Bears. I guess nobody told her that it was just a cartoon. Riff likes movies with “tits and blood”, leaving me to assume that he’d love this movie. Cindy rags on rap, and after several racist slurs to Riff, gets pie faced with Riff’s oatmeal. He’s one bad mutha!

Over at Barney’s, the teens continue to rag on Tony, and ask questions about Angela. It seems that nobody knows what she looks like, and nobody took her picture when she was a councillor here last year. I guess the one that the Tit Patrol took was never found. Too bad too, cause they were great photographers. Barney says that if he finds Angela, he’d kill her. The plot thickens!

Lilly’s teens are doing the whole trust game where the person is blindfolded and has to get led around by another person. I guess they couldn’t afford arts and crafts. Cindy continues to annoy Angela, and now its her turn to be blindfolded. Angela leads her up to the old camp. Angela asks her a few questions and finds out that Cindy sleeps around, smokes, does drugs, and is a cheerleader! The bitch! That’s all she needs to know to pass sentence on Cindy, by raising her up the flagpole. I heard the idea of putting a girl’s panties up a flagpole, but sheesh! Angela lifts her up in the sky, and lets her come crashing down to the ground, head first. Intense and highly original! Totally brutal!

Angela comes back to camp alone, telling Lilly that Cindy has a headache and is resting at the main camp. Lilly asks her to go and get her, and take out the garbage and bring her some bug spray while she’s at it. Angela inquires about her love shack from Sleepaway Camp 2, but it seems that its been torn down. You can almost see the look of disappointment on Angela’s face, probably thinking about the good times she had there.

So Angela wanders back to the main camp and reminisces about the great times at Camp Rolling Hills. You know, she wouldn’t have to reminisce if she didn’t KILL EVERYBODY last year. She’d be surrounded by real campers and not just a bunch of delinquents. It also seems that her memory is a little faulty as she remembers singing the Happy Camper song from 2, but her ribbon and the campers are not the ones from that movie. We also see that she’s nuts because I don’t remember her getting that much of an ovation. She picks up the supplies and heads back to camp.

She gets back to Lilly’s, and gets paired up with Bobby in another trust game. They’ve been tied up together and have to go fishing. Riff was supposed to be tied up with Lilly, but he said, and I quote, “no fucking way”! We find out during fishing that Bobby likes Angela, or rather “thinks she nice”, and that being tied up to her really turns her on. Yikes! She slaps him, but then decides that she’ll meet him up at the camp later. Uh-oh!

Riff has been elected to clean the fish, but he says, “fuck that shit”. Angela tries to negotiate with him, but he pulls a gun on her. Yeah! Riff kicks ass!

We continue to develop subplot #2 as we find Marsha and Tony doing the whole blindfolded trust game. They tell each other a little about each other, well actually Tony just assumes things about Marsha, and he’s bang on. She asks about his gang, and finds out he’s not really into it. Maybe he’ll come and live with her in Idaho, or Ohio, or wherever. They start to make out, and Marsha brings out a condom. Now he’s a happy camper!

Back at Lilly’s, Angela convinces her to do the blindfolded trust game, so they can go get Cindy. Angela dumps her in the buried trash pile and starts to pile on dirt, while singing the happy camper song. Instead of struggling to get out, Lilly just screams, and eventually is up to her head in dirt. But Angela isn’t done yet, as she turns on a lawnmower, and heads toward Lilly’s…head. OUCH! Not only has Angela become more creative, but she’s downright sick.

Later, Bobby meets up with Angela at the main camp, and its bondage time. It looks like Angela is into some serious S&M as she ties Bobby to a tree and ties the other end to Barney’s jeep. It takes him forever to realize what she’s doing, and in no time his arms are ripped off. What a bizarre sentence to write.

Riff is the only one left at camp, and we find him looking at some porno magazine, when suddenly a tape is thrown into his tent. He decides to pop it in and hears this killer beat:

Angels are pretty, angels can fly. But this is one angel that can make you die! You got no style, you’ve got no flair. All you do is fight and swear. So say your prayers and make amends, cause your life story is about to end!

Catchy little tune isn’t it? Not that its premise is much different from rap today. Angela drops his tent on him and drives several spikes into his body. NOOOOOO! Also, for the record, Riff’s last words were fuck and a series of screams.

The next morning Angela arrives at Barney’s camp, pulling the whole “Herman wants me to switch” routine. This time she wants to switch with Marsha. Barney isn’t as stupid as Lilly, so he accompanies the both of them to Herman’s camp. But Angela trips and twists her ankle on the walk back. Barney gets a first-aid kit and Angela makes her case to be in his group because Lilly is lazy, and Herman fornicates with campers. Marsha wonders if Lilly is really that lazy, so Angela tells her to go check out back. Marsha does, but finds Lilly’s dead corpse instead! Marsha runs back to Angela for comfort, who informs her that “it seems like every time she goes to camp, somebody loses their head”! Marsha really seems to remind Angela of a girl named Molly that she used to know. Marsha still hasn’t really caught on yet, and Barney yells for her to get out of there. Angela gets out Riff’s gun.

Its time for the Showdown in the Mess Hall, as Barney has figured it out and armed himself with a 2x4. Hoooooo! Anyway, he asks how many people did she kill this time. He goes over a laundry list of how she killed people last time, and asks her what’s it going to be. She pulls out a gun and shoots Barney three times. Frankly that’s really not how I expected the first subplot to be wrapped up, but if we’ve learned anything from these movies, its to expect the unexpected.

Angela hunts down Marsha in Barney’s jeep. What did he leave his keys in the car or something? You’d think a cop would have better sense leaving them in there when he’s going to a camp full of delinquents. Anyway, Angela cathches Marsha, and she claims she’s not going to hurt her. Hmm…that’s not her style at all. What could she be up to?

Its much darker at Barney’s now, and Tony’s getting worried. Angela comes back, and rounds the crew up to meet at the main camp. She ties them up together for their big trust game, and lowers Barney’s dead body. It seems that they have to work together to find Marsha in one of three cabins before time runs out. If they fail to do so, or break the rules, Angela will kill them. This doesn’t sound very fun at all. Anyway, they rush around the camp, finding dead bodies everywhere, before finding Marsha in the last bunk. But wait, the room is booby-trapped, and axes come out of nowhere, killing Craig and Anita. Angela congratulates Marsha and Tony on surviving and seems to be leaving them????

Marsha can’t leave well enough alone and charges after Angela with an axe. You know, there is such a thing as a sore winner. Anyway, the two brawl, and Angela gets stabbed several times. Yeah, that’s what you get for being nice to people. That’s probably why she never did it before.

The police and paramedics arrives, and Tony and Marsha celebrate their survival. This experience has really opened his eyes to gang life and he never wants to leave Marsha. They’ll get married, and be together forever, but wait there’s a problem. It seems that Marsha already has a boyfriend, but Tony was welcome to come visit. BITCH! HA! What an awesome swerve!

Inside the ambulance, the paramedic finds that Angela is still alive. The cop decides that she doesn’t deserve to live and convinces the paramedic to kill her. Right, who named you judge, jury and executioner? Anyway, Angela gets them with the stabby-stab routine and they movie is over. That’ll learn them!

Overall, I probably like this movie best behind only the original movie. The characters are so textbook, but then do something to completely surprise you, like Bobby and his love of Bondage, or Marsha’s revelation at the end. Plus the deaths are incredibly unique and Pam Springsteen remains incredibly chipper through the entire movie. And once again, they create a character that I’m actually sad to see die in Riff. The song about him was right, all he did was fight and swear, and man oh man did he do it well.

On my rating scale that doesn’t exist, this bad boy gets 9/10.

Fuck you! I mean, Rap is a hellava lot better than that country shit! - Riff