It seems to me that as of late, there is a ton of Spiderman merchandise available. Everything from video games and action figures, towels and posters, and even underpants. And it should come as no surprise that in addition to all of these items, there is a vast amount of Spidey-Snacks out there too. In fact, I’d say that there are so many different Spidey foods on the market, it could be tough for folks to be able to pick out the good snacks from the bad. And frankly, it is too big of a task even for me. Thankfully, I am not alone. Therefore it is my pleasure to welcome Spiderman himself here to my website, where he will personally review five different Spidey-Foods. Take it away, Spidey!
Thanks Matt! This is your friendly neighborhood Spiderman, here today to help you make those crucial decisions when buying Spidey-Foods. I will be evaluating these goods using my 1 to 5 Spidey-Sense Scale. Just like my Spidey-Sense alerts me of oncoming danger, it will alert you of which Spidey-Foods to pick up, and which ones to avoid. And since I don’t get paid either way for my image or name (lousy Marvel), I remain completely unbiased. So without further ado, lets get swinging!
Spiderman Cereal
Made by the good folks at Kellogg’s, this cereal commemorates my second film. At first glance, the cereal looks like colored Honeycombs, but sadly is not as tasty. It is a far cry from the Spiderman cereal of the mid-90s, which had Crispex, marshmallows, and trading cards! It has all the flavor of a used rubber band, but probably less nutrition value. Talk about getting started on the right foot.
Rating: 1
Spiderman Pop Tarts
Not wanting to completely ruin breakfast, Kellogg’s also introduced Spider Berry Pop Tarts. I’m not really sure what a Spider Berry is, and why I would want to eat it, but let’s give it a try anyway. Kellogg’s rebounds with this excellent flavor that I just can’t put my finger on. Maybe they really made it with some sort of bizarre Arachnid Berry. It’s probably best not to think about it.
Rating: 4
Spiderman Fruit Snack
I picked this up at the local dollar store, which is still the best home for exotic, mind boggling, yet cheap candies. Not only does this tasty treat have my face made in candy, but interestingly enough, its made with real fruit. So much real fruit apparently that it is an excellent source of vitamin C!
It tastes like most fruit leathers covered in candy, but the fact that it has my face on it seems to make it taste even better. And since there are no references to Spider Berries, I’m free to give my highest rating. I’d also like to mention Au’some Candies dedication to safety on their packaging. Clearly marked on the back of the package it says, “Peel fruit snack from cellophane backing before eating”. I’m glad they did because that cellophane could have cost the fruit snack some points. I do find it funny that they even put that on the package in the first place, assuming any kid dumb enough to eat cellophane would check the back to read if he should remove the packaging first.
Rating: 5
Spiderman Raspberry Reaction Kool-Aid
Made by my good friends at Kool-Aid, Raspberry Reaction was the big flavor that launched the Kool-Aid/Spiderman cross promotion in 2004. That year, each item of the Wacky Warehouse featured me in some way. I still haven’t received the cheque for that one. Anyway, the gimmick of this drink is that the powder is blue, and when you add water, IT CHANGES RED!!! Oh that Kool-Aid Man, what will he come up with next?
Anyway, the flavor is basically what you’d expect from raspberry, with a chemical reaction to boot. Well, it delivers what it advertises. Oh Yeah!
Rating: 4
Spiderman Noisy Suck Thing
Another treasure from the local dollar store. Much like my image is being used to muscle into the breakfast market, so too is it being used to get into the lucrative hard candy market. Watch out Push Pops and Ring Pops! Basically it is what you’d expect from a hard candy, but the flavor isn’t really good enough to finish it all. However, that’s not all, as the top part is a noise maker. While the thought of bashing my head against my fists doesn’t really do it for me, the noise it makes is just downright annoying. I really can’t see any purpose for the noisemaker other than to annoy people. Yeeesh! Oh well, at least it doesn’t get soggy in milk.
Rating: 2Well there you have it, a few bumps on the road, but some great Spidey-Snacks. Hopefully you will keep these ratings in mind the next time you are buying Spiderfood. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some important business to take care of. Until next time!
