Sweet dreams are made of these. Who am I to disagree?

Man oh man have I had some doozies of dreams in my day. Whether its being chased by a 40 foot tall Big Boss Man, swinging on a rope at an R.E.M. concert, or that walk on the beach with Molly Holly, I have had some memorable ones to say the least. Frankly they’d have to be, because most of the time I have forgotten by the time I pour my Cookie Crisp.

I don’t know why, but whenever I’m really tired, all bets are off for what I’ll do when I sleep. Sleep-talking is common, drooling even moreso, and sleepwalking once in a blue moon. There was the time that I stumbled into my Ma’s room and told her that I had to go and clean Mega Man 2 because it was dirty. Or another time when I asked my sister if she had reached the “fish level” in Super Mario 2. Or my personal favorite, walking into the kitchen, opening the microwave door, and going back to sleep. One thing is for certain, I’m a lunatic.

I recently went on a shopping trip to Bangor, Maine. So in exchange for Wild Cherry Pepsi and Waffle Crisp, I went a few more hours without sleep than I should have. And as a result, I had this dream. I wish I could explain where it came from, or what it means. The only thing that is for certain is that its pretty screwed up. And what better place to showcase the dream, than here?

We are joined in progress midway through a championship duct tape dodgeball game between my team and another, who were either wearing camouflage or powder blue uniforms. Wow, that’s a lot to take in at one time. I should also mention that although this was a Championship game, we were playing in the streets.

The street setting was taken right out of the Warriors, which I have seen twice now since I played the game. Man, that movie rocks! I highly recommend picking up a copy of the movie or the game today! What can I say, I’m a shill!

Anyway, back to the game. It seems that duct tape dodgeball was similar to regular dodgeball, except that instead of ADAA regulation balls, there were several rolls of duct tape, and players had to tear off a strip and roll them into a ball. Hey, don’t hate the player, hate the game. I really can’t explain it, but somehow it made perfect sense. Also, with regard to the uniforms, I really don’t remember what color they were. Its safe to say that it was probably one or the other, or one and then became the other. After all, dreams don’t really have the same rules as in the real world.

So it seems that I was the only man left on my team, facing off against three of the other team. I ripped some duct tape and made two balls, but both missed their intended targets. Two of the enemy stared me down and fired right back at me. Somehow I managed to catch not one, but both! I was ecstatic! Much like in regular dodgeball, the players that threw the balls were eliminated, and I would get two of my teammates back. However, something was wrong. My teammates were not coming back into play! Suddenly panicked, I called for time. Repeatedly. I turned back towards my empty side of the court and then to the referee who seemed to be ignoring my signal. Then it hit me, a duct tape ball to the head! The game was over, and my team had lost.

The streets erupted with cheers from the crowd that suddenly appeared. Red lights surrounded the court and fireworks exploded with confetti raining down in every direction. There was no agony in defeat! We were robbed. I was pissed off! And nobody seemed to care that it had happened.

Back in the real world, I’ve been told that not only was I talking in my sleep, but my rage from the duct tape dodgeball court was translating into gas. And lots of it. The stink of defeat I guess. Or my reaction to the referee’s decision. Jerk!

Time fast forwarded to the post game party where I was determined to get my message out. I obtained footage from the game from a fan that proved my team had been robbed of the prestigious championship. I went from player to player of the opposing team to show them the footage, but they dismissed it as me being a sore loser. Sure, that is true, but in this case I was actually cheated of a victory. The referee was even less interested, threatening to ban me from duct tape dodgeball for life, if I kept complaining.

And where was the big payoff? Did somebody finally listen to me, or watch my footage? No, just like in other dreams when the lottery calls my numbers or Batgirl is taking off her top, I wake up. No Championship. No glory. No groupies. Just fading memories and the end of a made up game.

I was actually pretty cranky after waking up because I had been screwed over in my dream. However, I would soon be vindicated later that day when we went to the American equivalent of Value Village. There, just waiting for me to buy it, was a classic WWF Tag Team Championship. You know, the one that Demolition made famous. Now if only I could find somebody to pose with them like Melina did with the Smackdown Tag Titles on wwe.com.

Looking back, I must say that it is a pretty crazy dream. I’m sure we’ve all been there, being in the middle of insane ramblings in the psyche. Its not usual for mine to be so bizarre, or even for me to remember it so vividly the next day. It must have been something in those Twinkies. I knew I shouldn’t have eaten after midnight.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to regular dreams, like me and Krusty winning the Superbowl.