Everybody is coming out with year in review shows and articles at this time of year, and my website is no different. Take a look at some of the things that I felt needed mention, no matter what anybody else thinks. And really what else am I going to talk about?
The Be-Sharps Award – The Dicks
This award goes to a team with a name that’s clever at first, but gets less and less funny each time you hear it. The only issue is that The Dicks isn’t that funny of a name in the first place. Regardless, The Tolands, as they were originally known, are your basic tag team, that given a little time to actually develop their characters could be an entertaining part of the Smackdown Tag Division. But instead, we get a bunch of lame double entendres like The Dicks exploded on the scene, penetrated the tag division, or are Pat Patterson’s favorite wrestlers. Still, they could have a pretty good feud with MNM over Melina.
The Tree Falling In The Woods Award – Murdock and Cade
If a new Tag Team that nobody cares about breaks up, did the team actually exist? Cade and Murdock came onto Raw after a few weeks of promos, and quickly won the Tag Titles from The Hurricane and Rosey. We still didn’t hear much out of our new tag champs until Taboo Tuesday when they lost the titles to Big Show and Kane. And a few weeks after that, we see Trevor Murdock in singles competition, and apparently the team has broken up, with little explanation. So what was the point in bringing them up in the first place? Apparently there are plans for Murdock, but nothing with Cade. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to launch Murdock by himself in the first place, and put Cade with another partner, so we don’t add him to the pile of unused mediocre heels like Rob Conway, Rene Dupree, Snitsky, Tyson Tomko and the like?
Sex and Nachos Award – Viscera
I never would have believed this one last year at this time, but I really enjoyed watching Viscera’s exploits after Backlash this year. The whole eating and sex thing was pretty funny. Especially when he’d take food from fans at ringside. Anyway, he’d go on to court Lillian Garcia, and finally won me over with his singing of Barry White’s “Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love”. Then he started wearing the huge pajamas and dancing and whatnot. It was hard to believe, but I really looked forward to seeing Viscera each week. Sure, I wouldn’t want to see him in any type of title hunt, but he was still pretty fun to watch. And then Vengeance came, and the whole Lillian proposal thing, and then we just stopped seeing him. They made me care, and took it away. At the very least he could have feuded with somebody, or became a real tag team with Val Venis, complete with team name and such.
They Still Works Here? Award – Val Venis, Steven Richards, Scotty 2 Hotty, and Funaki
Whenever there’s a wave of talent cuts, I’m always shocked to see that these guys haven’t been cut. I actually like Steven Richards, but they haven’t done anything with him in ages. Its too bad, because I think the bWo could have been fun. Val Venis on the other hand, needs a mask and a partner. The whole porn star gimmick is so dead, and he’s lost so many matches, you really can’t take him seriously. Scotty 2 Hotty’s gimmick died back in 2001, and is just really sad to watch. At least when he was with Grandmaster Sexay or Rikishi he didn’t look as ridiculous with his dance steps, but now it just looks asinine. And Funaki, well, I’ve never been a big Funaki fan. For what little exposure the cruiserweights get, its sad to see morons like Scotty and Funaki stinking up matches, while Paul London and Brian Kendrick are stuck on Velocity.
Welcome Back? Award – Brian Kendrick
I absolutely hated Spanky when he first debuted in 2003. He just looked like this turd that didn’t belong with the rest of the superstars. But as time went on, I really liked watching his matches. He could take a licking, and he was really energetic and innovative. And then he kinda fell off the map. And then he left the WWE, but on good terms. So I was quite pleased to find out that he was coming back. But there’s just one problem, he has yet to actually wrestle on Smackdown. He has put some great matches on Velocity, and apparently is teaming with Paul London again. But until they show them on Smackdown, they probably won’t go anywhere and we’re back where we started. Personally I think a tag division focused on MNM, London/Kendrick, the Dicks, and The Mexicools could be pretty electrifying, just like the Hardyz, Dudleyz, and E&C were a few years ago.
Majority Stinks Award – Fan Voting At Taboo Tuesday.
They should have voted for Kamala. Nuff said!
Don’t Scare Me Like That Award – Stephanie McMahon
WWE Homecoming scared the crap out of me. I was so happy that Stephanie McMahon wasn’t stinking up my TV, and then, there she was. My dream was over. It was a great two years, but just like that, she was back on TV. Mind you, she only got stunned by Austin, but then she was back the next week too. And from the sounds of her promo, she was here to stay. But then a miracle happened. One of the only good things that came out of the JR firing fiasco was that Steph has since disappeared from our TVs again, as nobody wants to see another McMahon in power storyline.
They’ve Still got it Award - WrestleMania Trailers/Royal Rumble Promo
The promos for Royal Rumble and WrestleMania this year were downright inspired. They were incredibly funny, and seemed to get funnier each time that I viewed them. Especially that one with Stacy Keibler. I Love you – Christian. Anyway, it really showed me that when they want to, WWE is unparalleled by any other form of entertainment.
What were they thinking Award - JR’s Surgery
And on the other end of the spectrum, we have the JR surgery sketch which was easily the worst thing I saw all year. It was one of those things that made me feel embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. I could only imagine what non-wrestling fans would think of the sketch. It was near Katie Vick levels, and that’s saying something. When it comes down to it, the sketch was in poor taste, used incredibly dated humor (Dr. Heiny?), was about ten minutes too long, and in the end, led to absolutely nothing. I watch wrestling to be entertained by wrestlers, not to watch garbage like that.
Who’da Thunk It Award – Boogeyman
When I saw the promos for the Boogeyman, I seriously thought they had gone nuts. They had finally run out of ideas, and we the fans, would surely suffer. Then the promos stopped, and I thought we were spared. Sadly, Network Executive, Palmer Cannon would re-introduce the Boogeyman once again. But then something magical happened. The Boogeyman was weird, but also became really fun. Sure, he’s campy, but that shimmy and the whole clock thing has really grown on me. Sure I have no idea where this is headed, but its already much better than I would have expected. One can only hope he doesn’t try to put a curse on Batista or something.
Well that was pointless Award – Matt Hardy/Edge/Lita
What exactly happened here anyway? Sure we all know the story, but what I want to know is why they split these guys up so abruptly? Even after Matt Hardy got sent to Smackdown, they could have kept the feud going. After all, Edge did show up on Smackdown soon thereafter. Sure Edge was injured, but they could have played it out a little longer. Have Matt Hardy show up on Raw out of the crowd and such. Have some interpromotional matches. It would have played out well with the whole Raw vs. Smackdown thing. But instead, Hardy is no better off, and he’s basically back in the same spot he was in before he was released earlier this year. The only difference is that he had momentum before, and people eagerly anticipating his return. Whereas now, the only exposure he gets is other people dropping his name to Edge.
Move Over Cruisers Award – Smackdown’s Junior Division
In a long list of bad ideas for Smackdown, we have the Juniors Division. Sure they already have a smaller guy division that gets overlooked, why not add another. And the worst part of it all was the fact that Super Porky, the only entertaining looking guy, never actually wrestled. But I’d say its worth it, considering they seemed to have dropped the whole idea. Pardon me, but there’s just no long or short term gains by having a midget division. Why? Because nobody cares!
Oh My God! Award – Joey Styles
I never actually liked Joey Styles’ commentary before, but to be fair, I never really cared much for ECW either. The only other good thing to come out of the JR firing was the addition of Styles to the Raw announce team. When it comes down to it, he is very knowledgeable on the product and genuinely seems to love the business, which is more than you can say for other announcers. I always liked JR commentary, but it had slipped these past few years, and I was getting tired of seeing him getting beat up, messing up facts or being put in matches. Plus the idea of Coach and King doing Raw’s announcing is downright scary.
That was worth $250,000 Award – The Diva Search
One Diva Search was bad enough, but to be fair, Christy Hemme was fun to watch. And believe me, she looked good in the pages of Playboy too. But here’s where the fun ends. Don’t get me wrong, I love ladies in bikinis, but I can see that just about anywhere. I don’t watch wrestling to see women in bikinis. Regardless, this year they have another pointless Diva Search, and waste TV time, and they get another nameless blonde bimbo. Oh I’m sorry, she has a real personality. She wears a hat. Anyway, soon thereafter, her association with Trish is overshadowed (for the better) by the introduction of Mickie James. And Christy Hemme? She gets released. Hmmm, one released and one is rarely seen and brings nothing to the table. Money well spent.
Extremely Entertaining PPV – ECW One Night Stand
I rarely watched ECW back in the day, but One Night Stand was really a lot of fun. Sure it was like 8 years of ECW squeezed into one night, and its not something I would want to see all the time, but it was a really nice change of pace. Seeing different matches and ECW alumni really appealed to me and it stood out from the cookie cutter PPVs that WWE has put out in recent years. I still think that Mike Awesome should have showed up on Raw then next night though. Somebody could have come up to him and been all like “One Night Stand is over, dude” and then he could have kicked the crap out of them. He reminds me of Steve Austin and Mick Foley in the mid-90s. He has all the talent in the world, he just needs the opportunity.
So there you have it, the seamy underbelly of 2005 WWE. What will 2006 hold? Hopefully a more balanced show, and less focus on garbage that nobody cares about.
