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Panic Disorder

Like the Morning Glory, we sometimes appear to shed tears for the disorders that we have within ourselves. My disorder is 'panic' and it is very real to me. I look at the lovely morning glory, which opens only in the morning with the dew dripping softly from its petals. I look at my panic disorder and realize that the tears I have shed are very real and pass in time as well. Below I will give an account of what Panic Disorder means to me, the feelings that come with it and how I control it.


Before being diagnosed with Panic Disorder, I was in a state of what was really happening to me. I would be at home, work, in a restaurant, airplane or driving the car. All of a sudden, I could feel mself being over come with something that I couldn't control. First it would start with being unable to breath, then as if something was controlling my brain; meaning my every function. Like hearing, moving, speaking, my limbs would start to freeze and I had no control over any of this.

Also having High Blood Pressure, the doctors attributed it to this and the medication. I was on many occassions, taken to the hospital with the staff and doctors believing I was having a stroke. I was kept overnight, given catscans, monitored for hours upon end. While I was in the hospital, I wanted whomever took me there to stay with me so I wouldn't be alone. There was always the feeling of being alone and no one there to get you back. {from where, I don't really know} This may sound strange to some, but to me, it was very real. After all the tests had been concluded, on these numerous occasions, I was always sent home with more pills to keep me calm. {Of these I would take 1 or 2 and then wouldn't take them as they only made me feel worse.}

Then, of course, there was always the fear of having another attack. Although I had to go to work, I was fine in the environment once I was there. If I had an attack there, it was believed to be a reaction of my medication and I was again, taken to hospital and demanded by my doctor to take days of work until my pressure was down. Of course, when I was in this state, the blood pressure would normally rise.

Everyone at work, my family and friends knew I was having a problem and they continusely came to my aid. They would stay with me, even into the night until I had brought myself back to reality. At this point, I felt like I was having seizures of some type and no one knew what to do.

One day, my daughter wanted to go for dinner after I was finished work. I was tired and didn't particularly want to go but told her I would anyway. I wasn't feeling all that great and by the time we reached the restaurant, I knew I was having an attack. By the time we had received our food, I told my daughter that we had to eat fast as I was having 'another one of those attacks'. All I could hear was the 'clinking' of silverware and 'muffled' voices around me. It was hard to get my food down as I felt like I was choking. My daughter knew what I was like and we quickly proceeded to leave the restaurant. I was in no shape to drive, and she wanted to but I was troubled by this as I told her that the only way I could concentrate was to have something to do to keep me busy. Boy! was I in for a shock. I had to stop for gas and I told her to keep talking to me so I would be ok. She did as I said but insisted she drive, I didn't let her but I should have done so as I may have calmed down some.

By the time we reached home, and I got from the car to the kitchen, it was if my body was entirely frozen. All I could do properly was see. This is what kept me sane, as I thought :) I asked my daughter to call my sister to come down quickly.....when my sister arrived, she knew immediately that I once again had to go to the hospital. I didn't want to go at all but she promised to stay with me until they found out what was wrong.

After reaching the hospital, as I had many times before, I was wrapped up in warm blankets and told to relax. My blood pressure was in another dimension and I was told the doctor would see me shortly. {This seemed like an eternity}. As I waited, they told me how to breath to stop my shaking and kept me wrapped continuesly in warm blankets....although I thought I was frozen stiff.

After 3 long years, I had finally gotten to see a doctor that diagnosed my Panic Disorder right away. He knew all the signs and saw where I was at that time and I wasn't even sure myself. I had never heard of Panic Disorder before but he spent much time explaining it to me and the ways I could help myself. It is attributed to a chemical imbalance in the body and strikes just about anyone. There is a lot of fear involved and the greatest fear is 'that of having another attack!' He perscribed me some medication, that he has kept me on for several years now and I have not the feeling of anxiety. Although I am not happy with taking the medication .....it far outweighs "the Panic Attack' itself. Besides the chemical imbalance, Panic Attacks are also triggered by excessive use of caffeine and nicotine. If I should not take the medication, I have the fear of another attack but I also know that these can be overcome by relaxation and not excessive worrying about this. Also, the breathing technique...long and slow....into a simple brown paper bag helps control the feelings as they come on. Use of all de-caffeinated drinks have helped me a great deal. One day, in the near future, I have promised myself that I will overcome this and with the help of loved ones and doing as the doctor tells me....I know I can do it!




Below I have 2 Resource pages that will give you much information and I hope they will be helpful to you.

  • www.algy.com/anxiety/index.shtml
  • www.canmat.org