3 Months Later
“I couldn’t believe Chris tonight,” Lance remarked to Joey, who sat in the passenger seat of his Toyota 4runner. Joey laughed.
“He was crazier than usual.”
“I think it was because of Marie.”
“I think you’re right, Chris usually gets like that when he’s really happy.”
“Well, the other two were a little slap happy as well, you know?” Joey grinned, and reached to change the radio station when one of their songs came on.
“I like it that way, though…it’s fun.” Lance gave Joey a sideways glance.
“It is.”
The two of them were on their way home from Chris’, where there had just been a BBQ. The boys were on a quick break before they went back on tour, which kicked off again in three days. Chris’ party had kind of been a celebration of their break, among other things.
Chris had been seeing his new girlfriend, Marie, for a couple of months, and things were going well. JC had finally gotten over Bobbie and was seeing some new girl who had nothing to do with the business whatsoever, and he had been less serious lately, joking around more and sleeping less. And Justin and Britney had finally gotten to that place where they didn’t pout at each other every time one of them came out with a new sexy video. The party had been great fun with all of them there, and Lance couldn’t remember the last time when all of them had had so much fun together.
And then there was Joey.
Since that day that Joey had told Lance of how him and Kelly were through, and Lance had walked out of Becca’s life, the two of them had found solace and comfort in one another. All of the guys had been great to him about Becca and the narcolepsy, but Joey had just taken that extra step, sometimes cutting an interview short because it was time for Lance to take his Mazindol, a couple of times even leaving a club early with him so he didn’t feel stupid going home early so he could go to bed. And since both him and Joey had been preoccupied with being single again and Lance’s narcolepsy, neither had been dating. When they were on tour, they were always together. When they were on a break, they were always together.
Like now. The rest of the guys had arrived at Chris’ separately, with their girlfriends in tow. But Lance and Joey had carpooled, and left a little early because Lance was getting kind of tired. Joey sensed it almost before Lance did, glancing at the slight droop in Lance’s eyelids, the way his eyebrow arched a bit higher when Chris was talking, and announced that they should go. Lance loved when he did that. In fact, he loved a lot of things Joey did lately, and he didn’t know what to make of it. But he always shrugged it off as a true sign of a good friendship.
“Hey,” Joey interrupted Lance’s thoughts. “Are you tired? How are you feeling?”
“Actually, I’m getting my second wind, which is good, really, since I shouldn’t be going to bed for a couple more hours.” He gestured toward the clock.
“Oh, good. I just wanted to make sure that you were good to drive.” He smiled and patted Lance’s hand on the steering wheel.
“Thanks.” A thought occurred to him. “Hey-if you want, you can come over and watch a movie before I have to go to bed. Your car is at my house, anyway.”
“Sure, that sounds like a plan. Anyway, this way I can make sure that you do go to bed.”
“What, are you going to tuck me in?” Joey grinned.
“Just call me Daddy.”
“Remember our first apartment, our couch was never big enough for two. Still we'd fall asleep in each others arms and wake up on the floor, now looking back it was made for me and you.”
It was unfamiliar. Normally when he was home and he woke up, Joey would turn over in his huge bed and burrow himself under his blankets, stretching his long legs out and sometimes over the edge. But this time was different. He grunted a bit and tried to turn over, but was met with the low growl of Lance, who lay next to him on the floor next to the narrow couch. Joey’s mind swirled with confusion as he tried to figure out why he was next to Lance on the floor. It was unfamiliar.
It was comfortable. Once his semi-conscious mind began to grasp where he was, Joey felt such a feeling of comfort, felt so…right, that he sighed and gave into sleep again, snuggling closer to Lance on the plush carpeted floor, trying to find warmth in his friend. Lance turned and tucked his head in the crook between Joey’s head and shoulder, and Joey smiled slightly as he felt Lance’s heart beating, and his warm breath tickled the hair on Joey’s chin. Joey inhaled deeply and recognized the cologne that Lance always wore, and then began to snore lightly. They made the perfect picture.
That picture was ripped apart as abruptly as it was created. The full realization of where they were and what they were doing suddenly hit them at the same time, and they tore apart from each other, avoiding each others eyes and adjusting clothing rumpled from sleep. Joey stood, gathering his things.
“I should go…” Lance glanced into his eyes for a second, and then turned away, absently rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.
“Yeah…we’ve got to get ready to go again.”
“Uh-huh…we must have fallen asleep, on your stupid little couch.” Joey chuckled, trying to break the awkwardness. Lance smiled slightly.
“Yeah, I must have been pretty tired…you too, not to even wake up when we apparently fell on the floor.” He followed Joey to the front door and held it open for him as he walked out to his car.
“Well, this tour has been a rough one…I hope that you got enough sleep…maybe you should take a nap so you don’t get too overtired.” Joey looked concerned for a moment, and Lance laughed.
“Ok, ok, I will be just fine. If I get too tired I will take a nap…” He shuffled his feet and looked away. “But thanks for caring.” Joey opened his car door and cleared his throat.
“Well, you know that I do…”
“Yeah.” Joey got in the car and put the keys in the ignition.
“So…I guess that I will see you tomorrow then.”
“Alright Joe, see you then.” Lance walked in his house and closed the door before he could watch his friend drive away.
Joey had trouble concentrating on the road in front of him. He was tired and still not all the way awake, not to mention all the thoughts that were going through his mind. He had slept in the same bed as Lance before; it comes with touring with the same 4 people for…what? Seven years now? But this had been…different. They had never woken up in each other’s arms before, that was for sure. He kept telling himself it was just an innocent thing, that they had just been tired.
But what scared him the most was that he had a feeling it wasn’t innocent.
Joey had always cared about Lance, he had always felt closest to him, but…in the months since his break-up with Kelly and the diagnosis of Lance’s narcolepsy, he had begun to feel closer. They had spent most of their time together since then, helping to heal each other, both inside and out. But now Joey felt that maybe they had healed each other a bit too perfectly…he had never felt that comfortable in all the years of waking up in Kelly’s arms as he did in one mistaken morning of waking entangled in Lance.
He felt such a need to protect him, too. And now, he wondered if he needed to protect Lance from something new…himself.
Lance leaned his head against the cold tile of his shower wall and tried to push the thoughts out of his head. He had tried to go back to sleep, in his own bed, but found that no matter where he turned, the familiar scent of Joey haunted him, invaded his thoughts. It was embedded in his clothes, in all of him, and he tried to wash it away in the warm stream of water cascading downward. All of the thoughts that he had had, all the feelings that has been gripping him for the past month or so, had seemed to all come to a head in one morning. He hadn’t realized where he was, where he had woken up, whom he was waking up with, until they had both woken up fully. All he knew is that he had felt so comfortable. So right. And he didn’t know what to make of it.
“Maybe once we get on tour, it will be better,” He remarked aloud to himself, hearing his deep voice echo off the bathroom tile. He sighed and turned off the water to the shower. “Well, either way, it should be interesting.”
A Few Days Later
“Alright, I think that we are just about done now with sound check, guys.” Justin was ready to go and get dressed for the show, and was trying to hurry things along. But one of the sound guys had a different idea.
“Ah, guys, hang on a moment, we need to fix something, it will only take a moment.” The guys all nodded their agreement and looked out at the group of eager fans ecstatic to be able to witness sound check.
Chris walked over to Joey, who sat on the edge of the stage, swinging his legs back and forth.
“Hey, Joe, is something wrong? You’ve been quiet these last few days.” Joey broke himself from his thoughts and looked up at him.
“Hmmm? Oh, no, I’m fine…I’ve just been tired, that’s all.” Chris patted his back and walked back to where the others stood.
“Just be careful Joe, you’re starting to sound like Lansten over there.” Joey laughed a little to himself and sighed, looking over at Lance joking around with Justin and JC. The two had acted as if nothing has happened the other morning, but that almost made it worse for Joey. Paying no attention to the other guys on the stage, the crowd of fans clustered around, he let his mind wander and began to sing the song that had been on his mind the past few days, not realizing that his mike was on.
“I’m sleeping, and right in the middle of a good dream, then all at once I wake up, from something that keeps knocking at my brain…” A cheer rose up from the crowd, and Joey realized that the fans could hear him. He blushed, which was unusual to him, and stopped singing. The fans did not like that. A murmur rose up and Jeff from the sound booth came onto the stage.
“Hey, it’s going to take longer than we expected, so keep the crowd happy while we get this all settled…good work Joey.” The other guys laughed, and Lance chuckled.
“Go ahead Joe, serenade our public.” For some reason, Joey felt compelled to continue.
“Ok…now, where was I? Then all at once I wake up, from something that keeps knocking at my brain. Before I go insane, I hold a pillow to my head, and spring up in my bed, Screaming out the words I dread-” He hesitated a moment before going on. “I think I love you!” The fans went wild. He smiled and began to get into the performance. “This morning, I woke up with this feeling, I didn’t know how to deal with, and so I just decided to myself, I’d hide it to myself, And never talk about it, and did not go and shout it when you walked into the room-” He dropped to his knees in front of the guys. “I think I love you!” He felt his eyes lock with Lance, and then he joined in on the chorus, along with the other guys.
“I think I love you, so what am I so afraid of? Afraid that I’m not sure of, a love there is no cure for…I think I love you, Isn’t that what life is made of? Though it worries me to say, I’ve never felt this way…” He began to serenade his friend, much to the delight of the fans, who found it highly amusing.
“I don’t know what I’m up against, I don’t know what it’s all about, I’ve got so much to think about…Hey! I think I love you! So what am I so afraid of? I’m afraid that I’m not sure of, a love there is no cure for…I think I love you, isn’t that what life is made of? Though it worries me to say, I’ve never felt this way…” Lance dropped off and Joey took over, singing as he never had before.
“Believe me, You really don’t have to worry, I only want to make you happy, and if you say, Hey, go away, I will…But I think better still, I’d better stay around and love you, do you think I have a case? Let me ask you to her face, do you think you love me?” The rest of the guys filled out the remainder of the song.
“I think I love you…” The fans broke out in thunderous applause as they faded away, and Joey felt exhilarated and embarrassed all at the same time. A voice from the sound booth interrupted his thoughts.
“Great guys, we’re done with you now.” The guys said good-bye to their fans and headed backstage. Once back there, Joey found himself face to face with Lance.
“Hey, Joe. Umm…good job out there.” He smiled at him and patted his arm. Joey looked at his friend’s hand as if it was a snake, and Lance’s smile disappeared as he pulled it away. Joey felt horrible. “So, what made you sing that song, anyway?” Joey searched for an answer.
“Uh…well, that song has just been in my head these past few days…but I have to go and get ready…” He ran off, leaving Lance to stand there, alone. Lance sighed and began to walk away, mumbling to himself.
“I guess that I was imagining it…”
That Night
The show went great, it was one of their best, and they all decided to go out to a nearby club to celebrate. Lance walked down the hall to Joey’s room, and knocked. Joey always took the longest to get ready, and Lance usually kept him company once he was all ready. In spite of the weirdness between them as of late, Lance was determined to keep the routine the same. He didn’t want one morning to ruin an entire friendship. He knocked softly and after some rustling, Joey answered the door, shirtless and with his hair dripping wet.
“Oh, hey Lance…I’m not quite ready yet…but come in.” He moved aside to let Lance into the room. Lance walked in and sat down on the bed. Joey pulled a shirt over his head and rubbed a towel through his hair. “I just have to finish my hair…so…”
Lance stood up and walked around, looking out the window. “Yeah, that’s fine…I just thought I’d come here, since…” Joey stopped for a moment and looked at him.
“No, I would of thought it was weird if you didn’t come.” He turned back to his image in the mirror. “I’m sorry that I was short with you earlier…I’ve just had…I’ve had a lot on my mind.” Lance walked over behind where Joey stood, looking at both of their reflections.
“Oh, I understand…I think we both have…” He cleared his throat and changed the subject. “So, how many girls are you planning on picking up tonight?” Joey stopped for a moment, and met Lance’s eyes in the mirror briefly before looking away.
“Oh, uh…none, actually.” Lance chuckled, trying to keep an even tone to his voice.
“Really? The Italian Stallion doesn’t want to pick up any women?” Joey hesitated and blushed deeply before answering.
“Uh…well, I’m having a bad hair day…” He offered lamely, as he tried to make sense of his mess of hair.
“It’s not that bad…” Lance reached around him to push a stray hair back into place at the same moment that Joey turned, his mouth open to speak. “Oh…” Lance murmured, and trailed off as he stared into Joey’s eyes and their lips slowly connected.
It was a short kiss, but not one without meaning. Lance was taken aback by the rush of feelings that accompanied the feel of Joey’s lips on his own. They pulled apart slowly and stared at each other in disbelief.
“Ummm…” Lance lost whatever he was going to say.
“Yeah.” Joey ran his hand through his hair and brought his fingers to his lips for a brief second. Lance had to fight not to stare. They both looked around, searching for a distraction in the small hotel bedroom. The silence was deafening to both of them, and Joey sank down onto his bed with a heavy sigh. Lance turned and looked at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t believe how…tired he looked, how his chest heaved with heavy breaths and unspoken words. And he saw Joey look up from his position on the bed and begin to stare at him, almost in a daze.
“Lance?” The word came out as Joey exhaled, a light whisper. Lance turned around slowly to face him. Joey gestured toward the chair facing the bed. Lance slowly sat down, as Joey began to speak.
“Do you remember when I hurt my leg?” Lance, surprised at the question, nodded in response.
“Yeah…”
“Well, I don’t remember much of it since it happened so fast, but…there are a few things that stand out in my mind.” He hesitated for a moment before continuing.
“Like what?” Joey rubbed the side of his face absently as he continued.
“Well, it hurt really bad at first, but then everything just went numb, and all the guys were just standing there, in shock, but not you…you ran over and automatically held my leg together…and my leg was pretty gross…I wouldn’t even want to touch it…but you held it like that until they came…I just never forgot that. And now, every time I look at that piece of fat in that jar I kept, I think of you.”
Lance was all at once amazed and amused at what Joey was telling him. He chuckled softly, and Joey stared at him for a moment. “Oh, man, I sound retarded, don’t I?” He took a deep breath. “I…”
“No, Joey, you don’t sound retarded…I was just…” Joey reached over and put his hand on Lance’s knee.
“Let me start over…I want…I want to say this right. Ok?” Lance blinked slowly and nodded.
“Alright.” Joey looked into Lance’s eyes and began again.
“Lance, I have known you for what seems like forever now, we have been nothing but best friends since the day we started singing together. And we have helped each other through a lot of hard times. I have always cared for you, Lance. It’s a deep kind of feeling, that kind that only exists between two people who are really…in tune with each other. And this past year has been no different. When you got diagnosed with your narcolepsy, Lance, and Kelly and I broke up, and then on top of all that, Becca did what she did to you, I thought that we would never get back up, never be as happy as we once were.”
“Joey…”
“Let me finish… Lance, when Kelly and I broke up, I thought that I would never find anyone to love me again…I mean, you know me, I find people to love me, but that never lasts more than a night, more than next morning’s breakfast…and I don’t need that. I need someone who loves me for the stupid things that I do, someone who loves me in spite of the fact that I am…just me.”
“Joe, you know that I…”
“And I never, ever thought that I would love someone with the same…depth that I loved Kelly with in the beginning, in the happy times. But now…now I know that there is that someone, there is that person for everyone that you were meant to love, and whether or not they feel the same way, you are happy just knowing that they exist, and sometimes all you need is to take a closer look at what you have to realize what you needed was there all along. Maybe sometimes what you need is time, maybe…” Lance knew where he was going with this; yet he still wanted to hear it, he still needed to know that what he felt was right. Even though he already knew.
“Time?”
“Time…to make what I feel for you today so real.” Lance closed his eyes. He said it…
“What?”
“I love you, Lance. More than a friend, more than anything or anyone I have ever loved or thought I loved before.” He began to cry silently as he looked at his friend, a single tear running down his cheek. Lance raised his eyes to meet Joey’s tortured ones. He got up slowly and moved to sit beside him on the bed. He took Joey’s hand in his.
“Joey…I don’t think that anyone has been there for me in my whole life as much as you have in these past years, in these past few months. I know where you are coming from…because I feel the same way.” He looked into Joey’s eyes and Joey slowly put his arms around Lance. No words were said, there were none left to say. A knock sounded at the door, and the two slowly broke apart as Joey went to the door.
“Hey, Joe, are you and Lance coming out or what?” JC leaned against the doorframe and grinned.
“Wh-what?”
“Coming out. To the club. We talked about it.”
“Uh, no, I don’t think so, Lance feels really worn out after the show, so I’m gonna watch him to make sure he’s okay.” JC looked in the room at Lance, who lay back on the bed and closed his eyes.
“Oh, hey, sorry Lance, is there anything I can do? Do you need anything?” Joey shook his head.
“Nah, I think he just needs some rest…but you and the rest of the guys have a blast, ok?”
“Oh, yeah, we will, don’t worry. See ya later guys.”
“Bye Jace.” Joey closed the door behind him and walked over to where Lance lay. Lance opened his eyes and looked up at him. Joey mumbled, “I didn’t think…” Lance just nodded silently. Joey sat down on the side of the bed next to him and kissed him tenderly on the forehead before gathering him up in his arms once again, the two falling into a comfortable sleep…together.